Chapter Text
Georgie Smiths (Georgia-Marie but she has always wanted to leave behind the small minded southern sensibilities) met Beau Graham on a sweltering cicada filled night.
Georgie could feel the sweat becoming a second skin and how her flip flops are glued to her feet. Gathering her shirt in her hands, she wiped the sweat off her face. When she could see again her eyes quickly focused on a boy around her age. He had the curliest hair she had ever seen and was tanned to hell. He was fishing knee deep in the bayou with mayflies giving him company.
She doesn’t know why she is so fixated on him. Southern boys do nothing for her and would just keep her trapped in this town. Expecting her to pop out a few kids, raise em, go to football and soccer practice, meet with the other wives, have a few parties, please her husband, and then die in this little forsaken town in bumfuck nowhere.
No matter, it’s probably the hair nothing else considering he’s like any other white trash trailer boys in the area. Georgie turns on her heel to head on home. She starts walking back but stops when she hears his call.
“So that’s it then, huh. Just gonna stand there gawkin’ without so much as a hello.”
She turns and thinks of something polite to say.
“Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to…”
She couldn’t think of anything else to say to feel less awkward. As she waited for his response she studied his now revealed face. His face wasn’t classically handsome, it was if she thinks about it more pretty than anything. His nose though was all smushed up and crooked from numerous breaks.
“I didn’t mind darlin’ just a bit distracting for me, next time let me know and you can do all the gazing you want.”
If she hadn’t stopped her self her jaw would have been wide open from the shock of it. Her brain stuttered a bit and kept her from saying anything stupid.
Seeing that she wasn’t up to a response he introduced himself.
“Well pretty lady, might as well introduce myself since you need a bit of time. I’m Beau, who might you be?”
Seeing the lifeline he’s giving her she answers in a quiet tone, “I’m Georgie.”
“Nice to meet you Georgie, you ever fish before?”
Georgie shook her head.
“Well, today is as good as any day to learn.”
She takes off her flip flops, rolls up her skirt, and tucks the ends into the waistband. Georgie makes her way down the small pebble hill to meet Beau.
Beau shows her how to put on the bait and tie a hook.
“Alright, if I hold your arms to show you how to cast right?”
She nods and he comes up behind her. They cast together and it feels like no time at all when there line starts being pulled. Beau’s hands become firmer to help her reel it in.
“Huh, that’s a good first time fishin’. You sure you never done this before? Just kiddin’, follow me and we’ll cook him up real good. I can even put some candles on.”
Georgie looks at him for a bit and smiles. He smiles back and they set on their way.
•
You could say the rest is history but everything that goes up must come down.
•
Things are looking up. Georgie has been offered a job up north in Massachusetts. She is excited to get of this place and be able to move up in the world. If she has a kid they’ll be able to do anything their heart decides.
Beau proposed to her after three years of dating and is planning to move up with her. They will be married by the end of the month!
She can’t wait to finally start her life and become who she is supposed to be.
•
It’s the first night of their married life and she’s vomiting in the toilet. Beau is rubbing her back.
“Oh love let’s get you some nausea pills. Sit back and drink this water. There’s my girl.”
She sighs and wishes that it was something she ate. She can’t deal with anything more. Georgie just wants everything to work out. She just wants to have a good honeymoon. Let this bug go away by tomorrow. She heads to bed and hopes.
She wakes up in worse pain and after much arguing concedes to going to the hospital.
After some lengthy time waiting they are called up. She and Beau settle in the doctor’s office and answer the nurses preliminary questions.
They have her take some tests and every test makes her suspicions worse. The Dr. Simmons takes her back to the room to wait for results.
Beau holds her hand through the wait. The doctor comes in with a blank face.
“Good afternoon Mrs. Graham. You will pleased to know we have found the source of your discomfort. It seems you have fallen pregnant. Congratulations.”
This is said deadpan by the woman and Georgie is stuck on the word fallen. Yes, she has certainly fallen. Will she ever be able to soar after this? She doesn’t think so.
Beau is of course, excited, he loves children and always wanted to one day raise a child with her. Not this soon but he willing to roll with the punches. Georgie’s face quickly makes his good cheer leave.
“Darling, it’s okay we can get through this. We are going to move to Massachusetts and I’ll get a job at the boat yards or the auto shop. We can save up!”
His words bring her out of her state of panic. They can do this, it would be hard but they can do it.
•
Georgie is panicking.
The company that offered her a job went under. She’s giving birth within a month.
It’s fine she’ll find another job.
•
She can’t find another job. Not one that will allow her to bring her baby in or take paid time off the first three months.
Beau would be working too but there is no way to survive if it’s just him.
She doesn’t know what to do. Her baby will be here is a few days. Hopefully it will work out.
•
She’s given birth and she already feels overwhelmed.
She can’t feel her legs.
She can’t feel her legs.
She can’t feel her legs.
•
She wakes up at home. They gave her a wheelchair and recovery instructions. They said that permanent paralysis is rare but nerve damage is certain.
She wishes she never gave birth.
•
Georgia still has to breastfeed the child. The girl refuses formula and they don’t have much money to spare anyway.
Beau is taking more and more hours at the shipyard everyday. He doesn’t come back till 11 and leaves in the morning at 6.
She’s getting tired of fish.
•
She’s trapped in this house with the child. She has to get out.
•
She still can’t feel her legs.
•
The child did this, no wait she can’t blame Willa Bee. Can she?
•
Beau called his mom to come over and let me have a few days off. I can’t wait.
•
I. I can’t believe I’m thinking this but I can’t live this way anymore. It’s not enough. It’s too much.
The child is the source of this all. Without her I wouldn’t be stuck here doing what every other 16 going on 17 girl is doing. I was going to have a career. I was going to be able to be who I’m meant to be.
She is the reason my body is ruined. Why I can’t recognize myself in the mirror. Why I feel like I’m in a black pit and am filled with nothingness.
If I leave I will be happy again.
I love Beau and I hate to do anything to hurt him but he loves her more than he loves me. I’ll give him a few years it’s all I can do. A final gift of sorts.
•
Everything has been leading to this, I’ve given what I can. A few good years for Willa Bee but enough years to heal from this. I love her now but I can’t live a lie. I can’t continue this way. A few years more of this and I’ll kill myself so with little aplomb I call Beau’s mom.
“Morning Josie.”
“Oh pumpkin you know you can call me Ma.”
“I. I have a request.”
“Of course. You know I’d do anything for my favorite daughter in law.”
“It’s a big ask and if you say no it’s fine. I can ask my mother.”
“Georgie, what is it? What’s so important you’d ask that woman? You’re worrying me now.”
“Could you watch Willa Bee for the week? I need some time off and was going to see some friends in Lafayette.”
“Georgie, of course honey. You deserve a break doing all you do. No need to invoke that woman. I can’t imagine how she’d treat my sweet little Bee.”
Well that’s done. Let’s give the girl a last few good memories of her mother.
I hear her feet slapping against the ground as she runs in from outside.
“Mom! Mom! Look I found a lizard!”
“Lovebug, you know my rules. No outside animals in the house.”
“But mom! He’s not alive look you can see his bones!”
I take a breath and release it. No need to react, not my business much longer. She won’t be my responsibility soon enough.
“Willa Bee Shannon you will put that poor lizard outside where it belongs. We do not bring dead animals inside unless we are to eat them.”
I watch her put the lizard outside for the elements to finish the job.
“Alright Willa let’s-“
“Willa Bee mama.”
“Willa Bee then. Sorry love, thought you might want to be like dear old mom.”
“Mamaaa, you’re not old.”
“Alright love, as I was saying. Do you want to get some shaved ice after you clean up?”
“Yes! Woo!”
Willa Bee races to wash her hands and puts on socks and shoes. I take her hand. Eugh. Somehow it’s sticky.
We head out and I tell her about my upcoming trip and her week with her grandma.
•
The day has come. I’ve packed as much as I dare. I’ve saved up for a train ticket and for lodging for a month or so.
I hear a knock and let Josie and Billy. I go to let them in.
“Thank y’all so much. Call me if you need me, alright?”
I’m planing on throwing away my flip phone out the train window later.
“Oh don’t you worry you worrywart just let me and Pa take care of everything.”
“Thank you again. Willa Bee’s still fast asleep so give her my love.”
They give me a hug. I close the door behind me and get in the car my mother hired for me. She always knew it would end up this way, I should have listened. She would know what settling is like.
I get to the train station and head into my section. The train starts pulling away.
Home free.