Chapter Text
It was strange.
His house was the same as it was back then; all the same clothes were folded neatly in his closet. The air smelled the same, and the sun was just as warm and bright. Even the streets were the same, filled with the same shops and same trinkets, the same people running them.
Everything was the same. Except for them.
..
Jayce woke up dizzy, with a few notes stuck to his face. His vision was blurry, and his throat was dry. Blinking his eyes a few times and rubbing them with the back of his palms, Jayce finally took in the familiar surroundings. He knew where he was, but it didn't make any sense.
He was up in the old workshop in the academy district owned by Caitlin's parents. Last time Jayce was here was years ago, after the explosion. But looking up at the windows, Jayce found them in tact, the night sky clear through the beautiful stained glasses. Jayce's eyes fell on the clock, practically buried under the pile of notes. It was just past 3 AM.
Confused and disoriented, Jayce looked around the room. Everything looked the same as it did before the explosions. He was practically living there back then, working night and day on those stones, trying to make a breakthrough with Hextech.
Hextech.
Hexgate.
Viktor.
"Viktor!" It was the first word he said after waking up in the strange reality where he was still a young inventor working under the Kiramens. A lump in his throat was threatening to choke him up, restricting his airways.
Knees buckling, Jayce fell onto the wooden floor with a loud thud, hands cradling his throbbing head. He began dry heaving, spit running down his chin as his empty stomach failed to push anything out.
His ears began to ring, his vision going static white as a wave of memories crashed into his consciousness, drowning Jayce like a raft caught in a storming ocean.
There was nowhere to escape. Nowhere to hide.
Jayce remembered everything.
He remembered the doomed time line; the fallen city left to rot as the arcane's infection ate everything away, leaving behind a pungent metallic stench. He remembered going through hell and back, clawing his way out of there only to find that there was no hope in saving him. His partner. His Viktor.
He remembered going back and meeting him as the machine herald for the first time, still wearing the dark blue blanket Jayce had covered him with on the day he woke from his comatose state. The day he left Jayce. The look in Viktor's eyes the moment their eyes met and Jayce knew that he couldn't hesitate, was still fresh in his mind. He took the shot despite his hands shaking and every joint and every cell in his body protesting against it.
He had looked away, not daring to see Viktor's lifeless body laying on the ground. Despite the arcane's corruption, it was still Viktor, his partner, who had been more than a partner ever since he stopped Jayce from taking his own life. Viktor was his savior.
His salvation, before he... before....
Jayce remembered kneeling on top of the Hexgate's roof, mirroring the events of the other timeline before entering the dark, cosmic space and seeing the massive distorted image of the man he loved with all his bleeding, broken heart, and realized that maybe, just maybe, the herald was a monster of Jayce's making.
"you've always wanted to cure what you thought were weaknesses. Your leg... you disease. But you were never broken, Viktor."
He had said, but Jayce knew that a few words could not atone for nearly a decade of ignorance on his part. He had missed so many chances to tell Viktor how he felt, how he saw him. To kiss him, and caress every inch of his soft, pale skin, to worship every mark and imperfection as he should have...
"I thought I wanted us to give magic to the world. Now... All I want... Is my partner back."
Jayce remembered every word.
He remembered the cold, electric feeling the moment he pulled Viktor's soul into an embrace to show him the truth about his glorious evolution. The moment Viktor shoved him away, shaking, terrified of his own actions, trying to push Jayce away. It had all happened mere minutes ago. Jayce knew it... he felt it...
Except...
Jayce looked at his hands then, still kneeling on the floor, and noticed how much paler they were, and softer. Younger. His hands then flew up to his face, running his fingers across his cheeks and jawline. Cleanshaven. No bleeding cuts or throbbing painful bruises.
Wherever it was that Jayce was, all the pain, all the scars, and all the trauma he bore, only existed in Jayce's memory. No shattered leg, no torn up lips and broken teeth. And yet his heart was aching just the same.
When Jayce finally gathered himself enough to stand up, he was faced with a full length mirror in the corner of the room, illuminated only by the moonlight shining in through the stained glasses of the windows.
The face staring back at him in the mirror almost made him trip backwards. It was him. Jayce Talis, young and naive, and full of potentials.
He was not that Jayce Talis anymore.
...
Jayce ran downstairs as soon as he felt stable enough, which wasn't saying much. He nearly crashed into the walls and tripped in the stairway twice, not caring about the noises he was making in the middle of the night. The moon was high up in the sky in Piltover, illuminating the empty streets. He had run all the way to Viktor's apartment on the other side of town, never stopping to catch his breath.
They were on top of the Hexgate tower, Viktor and him.
"Viktor!" he started banging on Viktor's door, the old rusty door threatening to break under Jayce's strong fist.
He remembered them disappearing, their atoms disintegrating into blinding white light.
"Viktor, it's me! Open the door!"
No sound came out. Not Viktor's raspy, sleepy voice asking who was breaking his poor door down at that hour. Not the clanking of a cane coming closer. Not the sound of water running. Nothing.
Jayce then tried the doorknob. Turning it so aggressively, it gave out without putting much of a fight. The door opened with a creak.
He strode in, standing in the middle of the dark, empty living room, circling around himself like a lost dog. Using his head for once, instead of shouting, Jayce shut his mouth and tried to slow his erratic heartbeat down and listen.
Soft muffled sobs were coming from somewhere not too far. It had taken Jayce five seconds to find Viktor curled up in the corner of his bathroom, hugging his thin legs into his chest, face buried into his knees, weeping.
Jayce kneeled down next to him, approaching carefully. "Viktor... hey," he called, softly, slowly reaching his hand out to touch Viktor's shoulder.
Viktor's head snapped up, eyes bloodshot, face damp with fresh tears, and pale lips trembling. "Ja–Jayce?"
Piltover's Golden Boy. Man of Progress. Counselor Talis. All the different titles Jayce had been called in his life, collected over the years like cheap trophies, paled at the way his lab partner called his name; deep voice with a rich timbre, and just a hint of his distinct accent.
Jayce lit up every time Viktor called his name, whether he was conscious of it or not, practically wagging his tale, if he had one.
He thought he would never hear it again.
Not after...
Jayce didn't realize he was crying until he felt his face burning with salty wet track. Arms wrapped around Viktor's narrow shoulders, pulling his trembling frame closer until he was pressed against Jayce's chest. He let out a breath he had been holding since the moment he woke up and remembered, tightening his arms around Viktor's body, scared that he might disappear into an explosion of white light again.
Like a dam breaking open, Viktor's cries grew louder, his voice raw and broken, his gasping sobs leaving him breathless and shaking. He clung onto Jayce's waistcoat, nails digging into the fine fabric, as if he was trying to claw his way inside Jayce's chest to hide himself. Viktor was just as afraid of disappearing as Jayce was. So Jayce wrapped himself around him, curling his body over Viktor's shivering frame and hiding him from the sleeping world around them.
Jayce's heart was threatening to give out any moment, breaking and mending over and over again as he remembered all the dark events of the past few days, and then he looked down at Viktor's smaller figure curled up in his arm, alive and breathing, and in so much pain... He wanted the clock to stop ticking and the world to stop spinning, if only for a few minutes so he could gather himself up and be stronger for Viktor.
But time went on, and the sun began to rise in the sky, and Jayce held onto Viktor until his sobs quieted and his breath evened out just a little. He felt Viktor's head growing heavier on his chest, realizing the man had cried himself to sleep in his arms.
Carefully, he unwrapped himself from around Viktor's body and picked him up in his arms, carrying him to the small bed pushed against the wall in the corner of his cramped bedroom.
Viktor's fingers were still wrapped around the lapels of his waistcoat, holding onto him tightly despite sleep having taken over his exhausted body. So Jayce lay down next to him, pressing Viktor's body closer between the wall and his chest and still leaving barely enough space for them both on the creaking single bed. The blanket was soft and heavy and smelled like Viktor so strongly Jayce could not hold his tears back from falling and his shoulders from shaking.
He had his partner— his Viktor back.
...
Days went by, almost a week, and Viktor barely left the bed.
Jayce fixed his door that he had broken and changed the locks, keeping a spare for himself. He came by every day with food and drinks, trying to get Viktor to eat, or talk, or even leave his bedroom for five minutes, but was rarely successful.
Making excuses for Viktor at the academy wasn't easy since they weren't supposed to know each other yet, but Jayce figured it out, convincing them that he knew the dean's assistant and that he was just sick and needed a few days to rest. But his sick days were running out, and Jayce was running out of excuses for him.
He was also getting really concerned. Viktor had become a ghost, pale and thin, barely moving or speaking. It was terrifying, seeing him like that. Images of him on the hospital bed connected to a beeping machine, and then seeing him laying under the rubble in the council's wreckage were still fresh in Jayce's memory. He couldn't lose Viktor again.
Telling professor Heimerdinger was his only option. He was the only one who would believe him, and the only one who could possibly help, although Jayce didn't know how.
Professor Heimerdinger helped him get rid of the gemstones safely and destroy all his notes about the Hextech just days before the robbery-gone-wrong was meant to happen. He patted Jayce's shoulder as they watched the notes burn in the fireplace.
"You did the right thing, my boy, though I imagine it couldn't have been easy, destroying your life's work."
"No, professor, this was easy," he replied monotonously, eyes staring at the red fire. "The hard part is finding a way to save Viktor again when he doesn't want to be saved."
Professor let out an audible sigh. "I do hope you find a way. He's wasting away. A bright mind such as him shouldn't—"
Jayce's head snapped to the side, dark angry eyes boring holes between Heimerdinger's furry brows. "Viktor is more than just a 'bright mind'. He's more than his potentials and accomplishments as a scientist, not that you ever gave him any credit for them anyway.
"He's a human being, and he's in pain, going through something even you after living over three hundred years cannot begin to comprehend. Save your pity and your prayers, professor. He doesn't need it."
"Jayce, I didn't mean..."
Jayce left before Heimerdinger could finish. He had better things to do with his time.
...
Spare key in his hand, Jayce jogged to Viktor's place, letting himself in without knocking. Viktor wouldn't have answered anyway.
The plate Jayce had left him for lunch was left untouched on the counter, the fried fish had begun to smell. Jayce ignored it, striding into the bedroom to find Viktor in his usual spot, curled up into a tight ball, rotting in his bed.
His hair was greasy and sticking to his forehead, his shirt stained with sweat and the splashes of the soup Jayce tried to feed him the previous night. The dark circles around his eyes seemed permanent at that point despite the fact that he was in bed all day. But Jayce knew he wasn't sleeping.
"Get up." Jayce said firmly, standing at the foot of Viktor's bed.
Viktor didn't reply or give any indication of hearing Jayce, but he heard him.
"I said, get up, Viktor," he repeated, more firmly this time. Despite telling himself that he wasn't, Jayce was angry, and his voice was not hiding it.
Viktor's eyes snapped towards him, blinking once, twice, before returning to staring ahead at the stained yellow wall facing his bed.
"You either get up, or I will drag you out."
"Leave me alone." Those were the first words he had spoken in days, his voice raw and lifeless.
"Viktor, I swear to gods if you don't get up—" Jayce threatened, nails digging into his shaking palms.
"Whatever you are here to do, do it, and then leave me alone," Viktor intoned, his dry lips barely moving.
Cursing himself under his breath, Jayce grabbed the hem of the blanket and peeled it off Viktor's body.
"I know what you're doing," Jayce began speaking as he pulled Viktor up to seated by his bony shoulders, the words he had been biting back finally pouring out like a waterfall. "You think I can't see that you're slowly destroying yourself?"
He tore Viktor's shirt open, the buttons flying all across the room, neither of them caring, leaving Viktor only in his boxers that sat loose around his already small hips.
"If you know, then leave me to it."
The words were like a gut punch, harder than a strike with the Atlas Gauntlet.
"No." it was all Jayce managed to get out without breaking down right then and there. He slipped his arm under Viktor's arm and picked him up like a toddler – he barely weighed more than one anyway, carried him to the bathroom, and turned the faucet on.
Lukewarm water poured over their heads, soaking through Jayce's shirt and pants, the small bathroom slowly steaming up as the water began to warm up. They stood there under the spray of water, their faces flushing red and glistening with water mixed with tears neither of them wanted to admit were silently streaming down their faces.
"I'm not gonna let you..." Jayce mumbled, blinking out the water slipping into his eyes, his dark lashes sticking together ."–not gonna let you throw yourself off this cliff."
Viktor blinked, feeling cold and empty despite the hot water pouring down his body. His eyes were burning, his vision going blurry from the steam quickly filling up the small space, but he wasn't crying. He couldn't imagine his body having any water left to spare for his tear ducts any more.
"Not throwing myself off a cliff," Viktor rasped, barely having energy left to speak. "A quick death would be too easy. I deserve to suffer far more than that."
One second, Jayce was staring down at him, dark golden eyes glowing like an active volcano crater, and the next, he was pushing Viktor against the cold wall, the force nearly fracturing his frail ribs. A part of Viktor was happy. He deserved Jayce's rage.
"Don't... don't you ever say that, you hear me? ever!" Jayce spat, water bouncing off his trembling lips. The only thing keeping him from shattering was his fear of Viktor using his sharp, broken pieces to cut his own wrists.
"Don't you dare talk about my partner like that. Viktor wasn't just a man of science. He was a man of people. All he ever wanted was to help people less privileged, to make their lives easier, to bring them peace and prosperity, unlike me.
"When all I wanted to do was to make a name for myself by trying to bring magic back to the world just to prove to myself that I could be like the mage who saved me and my mom, he was in our lab working night and day trying to find ways to make life easier for his people and mine. When I was drinking champagne and dancing at the fifteenth party of the month, he was in the lab, bleeding, but he wouldn't stop working until he reached his goal."
Viktor let out a weary sigh, letting his head rest back against the cold tiles.
"Your partner died in the attack on the Council."
"Stop saying that, stop it, stop, stop!" Jayce spiraled, finally snapping and punching a hole in Viktor's bathroom wall.
With Jayce's hands no longer supporting Viktor's weight, the man slid down against the wall, too weak to hold himself up on his own even if he tried. Jayce followed him a heartbeat later, falling hard onto his knees, face buried in his palms, sobbing angrily as his knuckles bled onto the floor.
Viktor's heart was on fire, burning deep and slow as he watched Jayce break down in front of him. It seemed that no matter what he did, he couldn't stop hurting Jayce even when that was the last thing he wanted to do.
Reaching a weak, trembling hand up, Viktor pressed his palm against Jayce's burning hot cheek, trying to coax him forward.
"Jayce..." He called weakly. "Do not cry over me, please."
Jayce swat his hand away, not as hard as he'd expected him to, and pushed his wet hair off his face before retorting. "I'm not crying over you. You're not dead.
"I'm crying over my own fucking failure. Because even when I've been given a second chance, I'm completely useless. I can't even save the one person that means the entire world to me. Because the only person who always believed in me and never gave up, even when I had given up on myself, has given up. Because without him, I'm the same coward who was going to jump off a broken window after just one major failure."
Viktor opened his mouth to say maybe he shouldn't have interfered, maybe it would've been the best if they hadn't made that breakthrough together, but he found himself unable to.
The thought of Jayce's body, lying on the street bloody and broken, made him sick to his empty stomach. Made him want to tear his own heart out and stab it with a screwdriver over and over again until it stopped fucking hurting so much.
"Jayce..." Was all he could say as his body was shutting down from exhaustion and malnutrition.
Jayce's eyes snapped up, watching him in defeat, his strong shoulders sagging, and his gorgeous hazel eyes bloodshot. "Viktor... I know it's selfish... and I know that I'm being greedy, but please... please don't give up. Hold on for me, just one more time. I'm begging you... just do it for me, okay?"
"Anything...f-for you, Jayce..." tired and defeated, Viktor mumbled before passing out, his vision going dark first before his ear did, hearing Jayce call his name, terrified. He wanted to assure him that he wasn't going anywhere, not when he had just promised him, but darkness took him away at last.
...
When Viktor woke again, it was still dark outside. The starry night sky was visible through the small window in his bedroom. It couldn't be that same night, Viktor was certain of it. The sheets he was lying on were clean, his own hair and skin felt freshly washed, and his insides didn't feel as icky and rotten anymore. There was an IV bag hanging above his head, dripping what he assumed was liquid nutrients straight into his veins.
The room seemed empty at first glance, but as Viktor rolled to his side, sliding closer to the edge of his bed, a large frame became visible, sleeping on a cot at the foot of his bed. Jayce was in a pair of cotton sleep pants and a white tank top, sleeping on his side facing Viktor. His chest was rising and falling steadily, his blanket bunched up around his hips.
Jayce seemed so beautiful, so peaceful when he was sleeping. His thick dark lashes casting a soft shadow on his prominent cheekbones, dark blushed lips slightly pouting as he exhaled through his mouth silently. Viktor always loved watching him sleep back when they were working together over night almost every night at the lab. There was something so innocent about it.
Viktor pushed his elbow against the mattress trying to push himself up to seated, or up just enough to reach the blanket around Jayce's hips to pull up to his neck so he wouldn't get cold over night. His creaky old bed betrayed him by making a sharp squeaking noise, making Jayce stir, his eyes snapping open with a gasp.
"Easy... I was just trying to tuck you back in," Viktor joked, somehow having his sense of humor back.
"Viktor!" Jayce gasped, sitting up in a snap and pulling Viktor into a crushing hug.
"Jayce," Viktor called his name, missing the sound of it to his own ears. "Jayce."
"Yes, Viktor, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you," Jayce said stubbornly, making Viktor's lips pull into a weak smile.
"I know." he wrapped his arms around Jayce's broad shoulders, finding he had more strength than he remembered.
When Jayce finally let him go, he didn't go too far, only letting his arms drop to his sides and making no moves to sit back farther away from Viktor.
"How long was I out?" Viktor asked, mostly to fill in the silence.
Jayce rubbed a hand behind his neck. "about forty-eight hours. I called for a doctor, and they gave you some sedatives in case you..."
"In case I woke up and ripped the IV out?" Viktor said, feeling guilty for giving the poor guy so much trouble.
Jayce tilted his head, nodding. "Yeah."
No more words were exchanged for the next few minutes as they sat silently, their eyes never leaving each other despite the dark. Eventually, Viktor scooted back closer to the wall, pulling his blanket up in a silent invitation.
Jayce accepted without a protest, climbing into the bed next to Viktor. Their foreheads were nearly touching as Jayce rested his head next to Viktor's on the small pillow, their breaths tickling each other's faces. Viktor traced Jayce's face with his fingertips, finally noticing the changes he hadn't bothered looking for the past few days. His partner's cheeks had gotten more hollow, making his cheekbones more prominent. His five o'clock shadow was now a three-day-old stubble, and his eyes... his gorgeous hazel eyes looked so pale and tired.
"Jayce, I do not know how to do this," Viktor began, finally feeling brave enough in the darkness where he could hide himself in the shadows.
"Do what?" Jayce asked earnestly, the hand he had casually thrown over Viktor's middle beginning to draw random shapes on his back. Viktor was finding it oddly soothing.
"Live on knowing I hurt hundreds of people. I made them into empty shells. Took away their lives, their autonomy. Their choice." He was already feeling sick again, cold sweat spreading through his body.
"Viktor... you can't put all the blame on yourself. There were too many players in that conflict."
"Jayce, no one forced me to—"
Jayce interrupted before Viktor could finish. "I did."
Viktor opened his mouth to protest, but no sound came out as a fresh lump began forming in his throat.
"I broke my promise to you and ignored professor Heimerdinger's warnings because I was blinded by what I thought was my 'ambition', but it really was just my ego." Jayce's fingers curled into the fabric of Viktor's shirt. "I carried your lifeless body back to our lab after the attack and unleashed the Hexcore on you after you had explicitly told me to destroy it because I was so selfish— I know I still am — and couldn't let you go when I hadn't even gotten the chance to tell you..."
Viktor reached up in the small space between their bodies to wipe the tears running down Jayce's cheeks. "Tell me what?"
Heat started rising on Jayce's skin, making sweat begin to pool behind his neck and between his shoulder blades. His heart was beating erratically, making his breath more labored than before. He was so nervous that he thought he was going to throw up, but he squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed around the lump in his throat. He wasn't going to be a coward, not again.
"To tell you that... it was always you," he began, already feeling his throat going dry. Viktor was listening patiently, watching him with wide, tearful eyes. "From the moment I met you, I felt it... this thing... tugging at my heart. It was tight and painful whenever you weren't around, but the moment you walked in, that... thread would start pulling me towards you until I could hear your voice and touch you. Sometimes it was there even when I was with you, sitting on a stool in the lab just a few feet away, it would tug and pull until I couldn't focus on my work anymore and I had to hear your voice or feel your touch, somehow.
Viktor's eyes were flickering between Jayce's, his mouth gaping just a little bit.
"I never thought... I mean, I never even let myself entertain the idea. You were so... you. So smart and confident, so brave and bold, having clawed your way to the topsides, I never thought I could truly reach you even when you were right there. So I convinced myself that it was better this way, that maybe if I mingled with the councilors more, I could get them to fund our projects and be more useful to you that way.
"After you got sick when I wasn't there, I started to spiral. I lost control. Lost sight of what we were truly fighting for, because I thought.... I thought if I had more power, more money, more influence, I could somehow save you. I was lost and hopeless, and I let that convince me that everything I did was necessary. That you would understand, because it was all for you."
"Jayce..." Viktor whispered, barely making a sound.
"I'm not telling you this to make excuses for myself, or put the blame on you. I made some wrong choices one after the other because I was a coward. I don't know what would've happened if I had been honest with you, or if it would've changed anything in the end. I guess we'll never know. But what I do know is that I'm not making the same mistake again.
"this time I will tell you how much I love you every single day, if you let me. I'll tell you how beautiful you are when you're annoyed at me for doing something stupid for the fiftieth time in a day. I'll tell you how badly I want to hold your hands and kiss every single knuckle before making my way up to your collarbones and the dip beneath your Adam's apple. I'll tell you how badly I want to kiss your lips when you're biting them when you're concentrating hard on solving an equation or trying to decide what to eat for dinner, which is ironic because I always ended up eating most of it anyway," Jayce rambled, barely keeping track of his own words as they poured out of his aching heart.
"I'll also tell you how sorry I am for breaking my promise when it counted and caused all that hurt and pain for you and so many others. If only I had listened to you and Heimerdinger's warning instead of trying to prove myself worthy of you..." Jayce's voice was raw and hoarse, his face scrunched up in a sort of pain so deeply entangled with shame that it was hard to know where one ended and the other began.
Viktor opened his mouth to say something, to ask how, or why, but nothing came out, so Jayce continued.
"But Viktor, you made a promise too. That night at my wrecked workshop, we promised each other to make the world a better place for all people. We had the wrong approach then, but that doesn't mean we were wrong entirely."
Viktor's brain was working overdrive trying to keep up. How could he believe his own ears? Jayce loving him? and blaming himself for Viktor's horrific actions? and somehow more shockingly, still wanting them to work together on inventions?
"I didn't let you die on the table that day and had to pay the price for it by having to kill you twice later, and it killed me each time more than the last because I knew that you were still in there somewhere and I wanted you back with every fiber of my being. Each time I faced you, all I wanted to do was fall to my knees and beg for your forgiveness, and for you to take me with you wherever you wished just so I could be with you.
"Viktor, you owe it to me — to yourself — to try again. And this time, we'll do it right. No more secrets, no more sponsors with hidden agendas, and no more running away."
The room felt silent then, save for the sound of their breaths not showing any sign of slowing down. Viktor's body felt hot, his temples throbbing, and his ears ringing with Jayce's words.
"You... you do not hate me? after everything I have done?" Viktor found himself asking before he realized he was speaking.
Jayce sniffled, stifling a sob. "Viktor... I could never hate you. You're my other half...
"In all timelines, in all possibilities..."
Viktor finished. "Two sides of the same coin. Inextricably bound."
Whatever invisible wall was holding them back from crying shattered into pieces. Viktor began weeping into Jayce's chest, clinging onto him for dear life as the younger buried his face into Viktor's hair, his whole body shaking with sobs.
"I can't do this without you, Vik," Jayce whimpered brokenly into Viktor's now damp hair. "Please don't leave me..."
That made Viktor get choked up on his sobs, his breathing becoming more ragged. "o..kay."
Jayce pulled away, just enough to see Viktor's face. He had to be sure.
"Okay?" he asked, voice small and airy. His eyes flickered between Viktor's red teary ones.
Viktor nodded, not breaking their locked gaze.
"I promise."