Chapter Text
The day Jung Hoseok left this world was dark. The sky was covered in grey clouds, rain pouring down.
Not even the birds were singing.
Yoongi was never a religious person but when Hoseoks hand went limp in his, he prayed to every single god there was.
He couldn’t understand it.
They were supposed to get married, adopt some cats and grow old together before Yoongi dies first.
He had already bought the ring.
But it didn’t matter now. Nothing mattered. His hope is gone. His happiness was destroyed.
Everything he believed in was buried alongside Jung “J-hope” Hoseok.
Why?
Why was he taken?
The news of his death spread like wildfire.
Yoongi could still quote the title. “BTS’s J-Hope dead at 30 years old.” A damaged brake was the reason.
A damaged brake killed the happiest human Yoongi ever known.
A damaged brake killed his love of his life.
Yoongi told him a thousand times he should bring the godamn car to the service. He told him- God why didn’t he listen. He is so stubborn.
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The funeral took place in a blur. The sun was shining, but it could never be as bright as him. The photos Yoongi saw later made him sick to the stomach. BTS had seven members, but those photos showed six…
He cursed every single photograph after his death.
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Yoongi found himself in a downwards spiral after the funeral. Bottles of alcohol were emptied to forget. He worked until Namjoon had to physically carry him home. The others tried to help him. They were scared he would do something stupid, so always someone staying with him became the norm.
It wasn’t fair to them. He knew they were grieving too, but he just couldn’t bring himself to find happiness in anything.
His happiness was buried six feet underground.
As the months went by, slowly the members started to heal.
All but Yoongi.
Jimin forced him to go to a therapist in hopes to stop his problems with alcohol, but he stopped going after the second session.
Everyone seemed to move on but him.
He wanted to be happy again. To write music and to bring happiness to other people. God, he wanted it so bad, but he just couldn’t.
He wasn’t living anymore. Only existing.
A shell of himself.
Almost a year passed since his death. August D left the public eye completely. No new music, no concerts. Nothing.
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“Hyung! Open the door! I know you’re in there!”
Yoongi groaned as he heard the maknaes voice. Bottles clink as he shifts his position on the ground. He must have passed out while drinking again.
“Hyung!”
He hears Jungkook banging on the door.
“I’m coming for Christ’s sake!”
He somehow makes it to the door and opens it, looking at the now taller man.
“What?”
“Hyung, have you been drinking again?”
Yoongi scoffs at the question. Jungkook knows very well that the answer is yes. It’s always yes.
Not only does he smell like a whiskey shop but the pale, almost sick-looking skin, and the bags under his eyes are even more proof.
“What do you need, Jungkook-ah?”
Yoongi basically slurs the words out.
“We planned to eat together today. Don’t you remember?”
“Ah, yes there was something, wasn’t it….”
Jungkook frowns.
“Hyung… come please this time. You need to stop avoiding the word.”
Yoongi doesn’t look at him. He looks at the ground like a lost puppy.
Jungkook sighs. No matter what they try, nothing works.
“We are going to the hot pot place. You know, the one he liked so much.”
Jungkook turns around and walks away but he looks back once more.
“The word misses August D, Suga and mostly Yoongi.”
His voice almost cracks.
“Please, Hyung.”
With that he leaves, leaving Yoongi alone at the door.
He was right. They all were. He needs to stop avoiding all of this. His whiskey cabinet is empty anyway.
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When Jungkook arrives at the Restaurant he is greeted with disappointed faces.
“He pushed you away too?”
Taehyung said, while pursuing his lips. He could only nod.
Silence creeps his way to the table as Jungkook sits down.
The world didn’t know about Yoongi and Hoseok’s relationship, but they knew. And they knew that Hoseok meant the world to him.
His death left an emptiness in everyone’s heart, but it left a black hole in Yoongi’s.
And nothing could fix it.
“Let’s just order.”
Jin mumbled to try and lighten the mood just a bit.
They agreed and called a waiter over.
Namjoon went on and ordered for all of them.
“Hotpot for five-“
“-For six…. Please”
Their heads shoot around to see an unusually nervous Yoongi.
The waiter left and Yoongi sat down, not looking at any of them.
They all didn’t speak a word until Jimin uttered:
“Hyung…”
“I guess, you are right about the me getting out of the house part.”
Jungkook almost throws himself at Yoongi and hugs him tight to which he immediately responds.
After all of them properly said hello and hugged Yoongi they said back down.
“It’s good to have you here, Hyung.”
Namjoon puts a hand on his shoulder, smiling. They were all looking at him, clearly happy about his sudden appearance. Goddamnit, they’ve been friends for over a decade. Why was he so nervous?
It annoyed him. They should stop looking at him like he would break at the slightest wind.
“So…”, Jin started, “How have you been, Yoongi-yah?”
Yoongi grimaced at the question. He almost wanted to say, “Clearly not good.”, but he stopped himself before he could,
Instead, he just said.
“I’m fine.”
He could see their faces frown at the answer. Why does Jin ask, when he clearly knows how Yoongi is?
Jimin, who is sat beside Yoongi, starts.
“Hyung… You don’t need to act okay around us. We all saw how your apartment looks.”
He tries to joke, which earns a small snort from Yoongi.
An awkward silence fills the table. Yoongi nervously fidgets with his fingers and stands up.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come.”
Jungkook shoots up.
“No! We’re all worried for you…. Please Hyung. Stop isolating yourself! He wouldn’t have wanted it.”
Yoongi chuckles bitterly.
“What would he think if he saw me now?”
He can feel tears building up in his eyes.
Taehyung squeezes his shoulder.
“He would yell at you for letting yourself go like this.”
Yoongi stays silent, brows furrowed. The waiter soon brings the ingredients for their hotpot and the members thank her quietly.
For the next minutes they all sat quietly at the table, eating their food.
When they finished and the waiter cleaned up, Yoongi spoke up.
“You’re right.”
The others look at him, waiting for him to continue.
“I’ll try to stop with all of… this.”
He takes a deep breath and looks up for the first time since he came here.
“I’ll start going public again… with you all.”
He smiles to himself.
“It’s what he would’ve wanted.”
Jimin wordlessly goes to him and hugs him tight.
“We’re gonna stand by you, Hyung.”
Yoongi slowly embraces him back.
All of them know, that it won’t be easy. Yoongis wound still hasn’t healed. Maybe it never will, but they’ll try.