Archive of Our Own ^beta

It’s just another morning in early November when Eddie comes to pick up Buck to drive together to work. It’s just a thing they do, they often see each other after work, they stop to get coffee together, and they save up on fuel a little bit. It’s convenient and they like spending time together. Most of the time they’re both still waking up, so it’s silent in the car except for the radio on low volume in the background. Sometimes Buck fills the silence with some silly news or fact he learned about in an article the night before and Eddie happily listens to him.

They arrive at the station, Buck parks his car in his usual spot and just like a routine Buck takes one last sip of the coffee, gets out of the car and grabs both of their work bags and hands Eddie his. And so they walk in together.

It’s cold at the 118. It’s still early in the morning and the AC has only just been turned on. The smell of coffee fills the air and a few of their coworkers are putting up some Christmas decorations. He glances over at Eddie and sees him smiling and it fills him with joy. Buck knows how much Eddie loves Christmas, even though he kinda hides it from everyone else. He noticed that Eddie seems to be smiling more often lately, doing more stuff for himself. And even though Christopher is still not home, he seems to be doing better overall.

Bumping their shoulders together they walk up the stairs of the loft and as soon as they hit the last step they hear Chimney “Hey, stop!” He puts his hands out, “You gotta kiss.”

Buck’s heart stops for a second. “What?” he mumbles and looks at Eddie who seems just as confused as he is. Before either of them says anything, Hen jumps in pointing above their heads.

“Look up. Mistletoe.” She says and laughs a little.

Both of their heads shoot up at the same time and there it is. Small green leaves tied together by a red ribbon hanging on the ceiling of the loft. Who decided to put that there? Suddenly it’s not cold anymore and Buck feels like it’s 200 degrees. He moves his head down and then looks to his right and that’s when Buck sees Eddie’s wide eyes and a faint blush on his cheeks. His own heart starts to beat fast and he feels his own cheeks heat up. Oh god– was he blushing as well?

“Uh…” Eddie mumbles, he looks… scared?

Buck doesn’t know what to do, he feels a little embarrassed, and Buck being Buck almost just goes for it. Luckily someone speaks again before he makes a fool of himself.

“Gees, relax you two. We were just kidding,” says Hen chuckling while going to get a cup of coffee.

Buck feels weird and suddenly he can’t look at the man next to him and it seems like he can’t either. It just feels really awkward, so he chuckles to fill the silence and suddenly the bell rings. Thank you.

They quickly pull themselves together and run to get their turnouts. They get into the truck and Eddie takes his usual seat next to Buck. When they get squeezed together by their coworkers, Buck can’t concentrate on anything else other than that burning spot where their legs touch. So he slowly moves his leg away, silently feeling bad for some reason, but he HAS to or else he’ll explode. He shouldn’t feel like this, it was just a joke. Maybe he felt like he got caught doing something he shouldn't or maybe it was the way that Eddie had reacted. He sneaks a look at him and he looks… normal? He even gives him a smile when he catches Buck looking at him.

Well, now he feels like he’s overreacting. He tries to pull himself together and concentrate on work. If Eddie is normal about it, there's no reason he should feel like what happened at the station is nothing more than a small awkward moment between friends, right?

The whole shift goes by smoothly and by the end of the day Eddie really seems to have forgotten about the mistletoe mishap, so Buck tries to not think about it as well. It’s hard, really. It’s not the first time he’s thought about Eddie in that way, but it was always all in his head and he excused it as ‘’Eddie is an attractive guy and it’s normal to think about your best friend in that way, right?’’.
Either way, he tries to ignore it and so, like usual, they quietly drive back to Buck’s loft.

When Eddie drops him off at his apartment he swiftly jogs up the stairs to get in, he needed to get away from Eddie as soon as possible, but it was also cold. As soon as he unlocks the door, he turns the heating on and goes to the kitchen to heat up some leftovers from yesterday. He eats his dinner, takes a shower and gets ready for bed. He’s exhausted, so he finds a comfortable position and tries to fall asleep.

Except he can’t.

He keeps on thinking about that moment and starts to fantasize what it would’ve been like for him to just lean in and plant a kiss on Eddie’s beautifully soft lips. How it would feel to put his hands on his waist and how his mustache would scratch him a little. He feels his stomach fill up with butterflies at the thought and he has to pull off his comforter cause it was getting a little too warm. He tried to force his head to go quiet, but he couldn't. Memories of moments between him and Eddie kept on flashing in his head. Moments where he felt like he wanted to do more, like hold his hand, rest his hand on his back a little longer, and kiss him like there’s no tomorrow. He recalls moments where Eddie treated him like no one had ever before, like he truly cared for him and just had his back. He doesn’t know why it took him this long to come to this realization, but he sits up abruptly, panting and sweating a little.

“I love him,” he whispers.

He loved him.

He loved Eddie.

He takes a few breaths to calm himself down, reluctantly pulling his comforter over himself and laying back down. Thoughts kept flooding his mind while tossing and turning in his bed and finally, after at least an hour, he managed to make his head go quiet and to fall asleep.

__

A week has passed and Eddie’s mind is all over the place. He has this habit whenever he starts to feel something new. It’s like when he’s just about to realize something big about himself he gets too scared so he just tucks it in the back of his mind. Some thoughts deeper than others. I’ll think about it later.
He never does.

That’s what’s happening right now. What happened at the loft the other day just uncovered one of those thoughts he had hidden deep deep in the back of his mind: kissing Buck.
It stupid, really. It’s something he thought about doing a couple of times before, but Buck is his best friend, he shouldn’t feel this way, he wasn’t allowed. And now here that thought was, being uncovered once again. Except this time he couldn’t seem to just hide it away. Maybe because it was the first time that concept was not just in his mind, but in someone else’s as well and that made him panic a little.
But he pushed through that day like nothing had happened. I’ll think about it later.

Now he is at work sitting on the couch, staring at that damned mistletoe at the top of the stairs of the loft, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Buck appeared right underneath it. He was the same as always, but something about the light hitting him in all the right places and the fact that he was standing in that spot just made his breath stop for a second. Buck greeted him with a smile, the lighting making his dimples more noticeable.

He’s gorgeous.

What? No, Eddie, what are you thinking? That’s Buck. You can’t think that about Buck. But how could he not? Of course he’s always been a handsome guy, but he never let himself look properly. Now that he finally came to the realization that he’s gay (after a lot of self reflecting) and he’s allowed himself to look at men that way and that resulted into looking at Buck. A lot.

He shakes his head as if to throw away his thoughts and he realizes he’s taking a little too long to reply so he quickly greets him back, his voice getting caught up for a sec. Buck scrunches his eyebrows, but doesn’t say anything and goes to the kitchen.
Eddie was about to spiral once again when the emergency bell rang (that thing had been working overtime to save him from awkward situations a lot lately). Everyone dropped whatever they were doing and ran to get into the trucks.

Luckily the emergency wasn’t that bad. Just a man getting hurt falling off a ladder, trying to put up Christmas decorations.

“I just wanted to make the house look nice before the kids got home from school, I guess I’m getting too old for this kind of stuff .” the man huffed out while Hen was bandaging his head.

Eddie pouted a bit at that. He missed doing those things for his own son, even though he was maybe getting a little too old for it and found it cringe. Christopher still wasn’t home, but things were getting a little better between them. His son still wouldn’t initiate the calls, but he sounded less neutral about things and started to laugh and crack jokes more often. He really hopes that Chris will come back home for Christmas, but the kid still seems unsure about it.

When they’re done medicating the man, they check that everything is all good and they leave. Eddie is the last one of the line, right after Buck and for some reason, right as he’s about to cross the threshold, he has the urge to look up and there it is again. Mistletoe. He starts blushing again and quickly looks at the others to make sure he is the only one to have seen it. He locks eyes with Buck. Fuck. It’s clear that he also saw it and is now thinking back at that moment at the loft. They freeze like deers in headlights, nobody says a thing, and they’re both blushing.

“Guys, c’mon we gotta get back!” Bobby’s voice fills the silence.
They both unfreeze, shaking their heads and they jog up to the other guys already in the truck. They take their spots, one in front of the other and their legs interlock. They both try to act casual by looking out the window. Eddie tries to ignore the judging gazes that his colleagues were burning into his skull, while trying to keep the mental picture of kissing Buck under the mistletoe away with no avail.

The rest of the shift goes by okay, Eddie is too embarrassed to talk to Buck. Like usual, there’s a few small emergencies, no more mistletoe thank god, and now Buck is driving Eddie back home. The drive is quiet like always, but Eddie still feels a little bad. He hasn’t spoken much to Buck throughout the whole day because he was too distracted with the crisis he was having. They arrive at Eddie’s house and as if Buck could read his mind, he turns to him with a little concerned look on his face and says, “Is everything alright?” a small worried crease appears on his forehead, “You’re kinda quiet today.’’ And certainly Eddie can’t tell him what is actually going on.

“Yeah, sorry I guess I’m just a little tired,” he puts a hand on Buck’s shoulder to reassure him, “I’ll make it up to you tomorrow” he jokes.

Buck’s worry seems to wear off his face and he laughs “Okay I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Eddie gets out of the car and walks around it to get to his driveway when he hears the window of the car being rolled down and Buck calls for him “No, but for real, if there is anything wrong you know you can always talk to me right?”
Not this time.
“Yes Buck, I know,” he manages a smile.
Buck seems satisfied with that answer and he drives off.

Eddie jogs up to his front door and walks into his empty house. It’s so quiet and he feels like he might just go insane. He’s been trying to not let stuff get to him. Pushing through, doing stuff for himself, but it was hard sometimes. What he was feeling right now scares him. A lot. He wishes he could just hide away and not think about it, but maybe it was time to actually face the issue. Maybe this was the answer to everything that was going on at the moment. He had been reflecting on what he and the priest talked about. How he was denying himself to feel joy. He talked about it in a therapy session with Frank in which he reflected about his childhood, his past and his relationships and came to the conclusion that one of the things he was denying himself was to truly express who he was and how he felt. And that’s how he ended up having a sexuality crisis. He was still coming to terms with this realization, so he didn't actually come out to anyone yet, but it did explain some things that didn’t work out in the past.
Anyway, he just found out that this self discovery came with the realization that what he had with Buck was all he had been searching for in his past relationship, and part of why they didn’t work out was because he didn’t realize he had it with him the whole time.

He just didn’t know how to go about it. He didn’t want to ruin what he had with Buck. It’s too precious and it was one of the only things that kept him going at the moment. He knew he had to talk to him at one point, but not now. He was too scared. Meanwhile, he changes out of his work clothes and jumps into the shower, hoping that the hot water washes away all of his thoughts.

__

A week has passed and it is now Saturday and Buck doesn’t know what to do. He had come to peace with the fact that he actually liked Eddie in that way. It wasn’t that much of a realization, it just made his feelings and some things he did in the past make more sense. Especially the whole Tommy thing. God he’s so embarrassed now thinking back. He was sooo obviously trying to get Eddie’s attention the whole time and jumped in a relationship he wasn’t that invested in. He felt so stupid but ALL of that made sense, he knew what to do with that. The real problem now was being normal around Eddie. He felt the constant need to be near him and he missed him. He couldn’t wait to see him again and that’s why now he is constantly checking the clock even though Eddie probably wouldn’t come over for another hour. He felt like he was back in high school with his silly little crush. A crush who probably didn’t feel the same way.

His doorbell rings. His heart jumps. Eddie. He jumps over the couch, trips and stumbles to the door and opens it without checking who it is. He is face to face with his sister holding hands with Jee Yun.
He blinks cause one, it’s too early for Eddie to be here and now he feels like even more of an idiot for almost breaking his ankle, and two, he wasn’t expecting Maddie.

“Hi…?’’ he stutters out.

“Hi, Buck. I’m sorry for not letting you know earlier, but I got called in for work, they need extra help today and I need someone to watch Jee for me, Chim told me you had a day off. so I came here. I hope that’s okay’’ she says while handing him a small backpack with some of Jee’s stuff and a few other things he might need.

Buck grabs the backpack, shakes his head to reset his mind and goes to hug Jee Yun. “Sure, of course! Don’t worry. You know I love to spend time with my favorite niece in the whole world.” and he does. “Plus we’ll have company later’’ he says as he pulls away from the hug.

“Company?” Maddie raised an eyebrow, “Oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you had plans’’.

“Nah, don’t worry it’s just Eddie’’ he smiles bashfully, still looking at Jee. There’s a few too many seconds of silence and then he looks up to see Maddie looking at him with pursed lips, eyebrow raised even more.
“What?”

“Why are you smiling like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like someone who is about to see their cru- oh my god you finally figured it out!’’ she gasped.

“Figured what out?” he tried, but he knew he was busted. She always saw right through him.

“I can’t believe it took you this long, I swear I was this close to spelling it out for you” She’s laughing and Buck can’t take the embarrassment at the moment so he says “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” and Maddie replies “I do, but don’t think you’re getting away with this, we have to talk about this crush you have had on Eddie, cause it’s been a long time”.

Buck sighs, “It’s not a crush.” cause it wasn’t. It was more than that.

“Yeah right, I’ve gotta go now.” Maddie kisses Jee on the cheek, hugs Buck and when she pulls away she has a mischievous smile on her face.

“Stop that,” Buck chuckles.

“I’m sorry, I’ll stop,” she says with a softer tone, “but seriously I’m very happy for you.”
And with that she leaves.

Buck exhales loudly and turns to Jee who, he just now realized, heard the whole thing.

“You have a crush on Uncle Eddie,” she giggles and points at him.

And as cute as she is he needs to tell her that she can’t say that in front of Eddie. So he crouches down in front of her and takes her little hands in his “Yeah, I do have a crush on Uncle Eddie” He stops for a moment. Why is it so easy to admit it to a kid? “But can we keep that a secret between us for now?” he says tilting his head to the side. She puts her finger to her mouth, considering it for a few seconds before nodding confidently. Buck smiles at her, “Thank you, Jee.”

An hour passes and Buck puts on a movie for her while he starts cooking something for lunch. Then the doorbell rings. Buck’s heart jumps to his throat again. He needs to get a grip. He goes to open the door and this time it actually is Eddie, wearing a dark hoodie, a coat, and jeans. He looks so normal, but Buck found himself staring anyway. Eddie was staring too, showing a particular interest in Buck’s apron. It took them both a few seconds to speak. It was Eddie who did it first.

“Hey, smells good, what are you cooking?” sniffing the air, looking over Buck’s shoulder to take a peek at the kitchen.
Buck shakes his head and finally, lets Eddie in “Hi, yeah I’m making lasagna.”

“Mmh nice!” Eddie replies while taking off his coat and hanging it up.

When Moana starts singing “How Far I’ll Go” Eddie frowns and looks at Buck questioningly.
“Oh yeah sorry, I forgot to text you. We have company” says Buck gesturing towards Jee, who took her eyes off the movie and realized what was going on. She slides off the couch and runs up to Eddie.
“Uncle Eddieeee” she giggles.

Eddie crouches down to sweep her up into a hug and Buck wants to rip his own heart out cause it was beating way too hard.

“Hi Jee,” He says, “Did you come here to mess with Uncle Buck with me?” and upon hearing Eddie referring to him as “Uncle Buck” he gets shivers down his arms.
Jee Yun giggles and nods excitedly and Buck puts on a fake offended face.

“C’mon Jee, I thought we were on the same side” he jokes and his new enemies both seem to find it funny. “Alright, backstabbers,” he tightens his apron and Eddie coughs, “I’m gonna go and poison your food. Jee why don’t you show Eddie your coloring book in the meantime?”

The little girl seems to get excited and runs to grab her book from the backpack Maddie brought for her. They both settle on the couch together while Buck goes back into the kitchen to check on the lunch he’s preparing.

After about thirty minutes of finishing up some stuff for the meal (while sneaking glances at Eddie and Jee sitting on the couch looking through her coloring book together and Eddie being amazing with her by giving her compliments and making her laugh the whole time) they finally sit together and eat.

“So have you written your letter for Santa yet?” Buck asks Jee while cutting up her food and blowing on it to make it cool before giving it to her.

She shakes her head, so Eddie asks “Do you wanna do it together after we’re done?”

“Yes!” she replies, nibbling on the food Buck was giving her before deciding it was good and taking the whole thing.

Buck laughs “Okay, okay. But only after you take your nap.”

Jee scrunches her face and looks at Eddie, who pouts and shrugs “I’m sorry Jee, I’m afraid Uncle Buck is in charge today”. She huffs, but keeps on eating anyway.

Buck continues feeding her, but he can’t stop thinking about how comfortable and right this feels. Just him and Eddie living a domestic life in a house together, while taking care of a kid. He feels warm and happy and he looks over at Eddie eating the lunch Buck cooked for him and he feels like he could leap off his balcony and just fly. He wants this forever with Eddie, he doesn’t care if it’s in a romantic way or just platonic, he just knows that’s what he wants. And that’s when he starts panicking a little. He doesn’t want this to ever stop and he is scared that, just like everyone else in the past, one day Eddie will eventually grow tired of him and leave him.

He realizes he zoned out for a little too long when Jee is staring at him waiting for the next bite and Eddie is asking him “Buck? Are you good?”

He blinks and shakes his head, “Yeah sorry, I was just overthinking the recipe. I was thinking that maybe I forgot something,” he lies, “How is it, do you guys like it?”.

“Yeah Buck, it’s actually amazing,” Edde says, taking another bite, “I think you perfected the recipe”. He’s smiling and Buck can tell he’s being sincere. Jee Yun nods her head in agreement.
Buck gets a little giddy, his momentary panic wearing off and he replies with a “Thank you.”

When they are done eating, it doesn’t take much insisting to put Jee Yun to sleep in Buck’s bed as she started dozing off almost immediately after they were done eating. Eddie had offered to do the dishes while Buck rested on his couch. He put on a documentary, but he didn’t get to watch much before he started dozing off as well. Eddie finishes up with the dishes and joins him on the couch. He takes one look at Buck and chuckles, grabbing a blanket he covers him up.
“Go to sleep,” Eddie whispers in such a soft tone as he rubs his arm and Buck is so tired that he could have dreamt it, but he doesn’t question it.

He wakes up to shushes and quiet giggles. He’s a bit confused, still hazy from the nap he just took. He doesn’t move and just looks at where the hushed noises come from and he sees Eddie and Jee sitting on the floor a few meters away from him. She whispers something in Eddie’s ear which makes him blush. Eddie frowns and whispers “Really? How do you know?”

“Yes, he told me” she replies in a whisper as well, putting emphasis on the “told”.

He looks at her a bit unsure at first, but then smiles to himself. Buck doesn’t know what they’re saying to each other, but he can’t bring himself to think about it right now. He yawns and slowly takes his arms out of the blanket to rub his eyes and that’s when Eddie and Jee Yun stop whispering to each other and turn to look at him.

“Oh look who’s finally awake” says Eddie in a lighthearted tone.

“How long was I out for?” replies Buck.

“Not too long, an hour I think?” answers Eddie looking at his wrist watch, “I didn’t wanna wake you. It looked like you needed it”.

Buck pauses for a second “Thank you,” he sits up, “I hope you guys didn’t get too bored while I slept”.

Eddie, still blushing a bit, shakes his head “No, don’t worry. Jee woke up only a few minutes ago. I just scrolled on my phone and rested for a bit as well.”

Buck fully sits up and stretches. He slides off the couch to join them on the floor, sitting between them. Maybe it’s because he’s cold and he misses the blanket’s warmth, but he gravitates towards Eddie and scoots right next to him, shoulder to shoulder, their knees brushing together.

“So, are you ready to write your Christmas letter for Santa?” Buck asks Jee.

The little girl nods enthusiastically and runs to grab all the stuff necessary. While she’s gone, Buck leans his head on Eddie’s shoulder. He doesn’t know where he’s getting the confidence to do this so carefreely, and he decides he’s gonna blame it on the fact that he’s still waking up from the nap he just took. It’s not like they’ve never touched like this before, it’s just that Buck is so aware of the fact that he likes Eddie that makes it all feel different.

“Sleep well?” Eddie asks, turning his head slightly towards Buck.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, leaning closer to him.

“Mhh good,” Eddie says, putting his head on top of Buck’s.

And there it is again. That feeling of domesticity that he loves. Except this time he doesn’t have time to panic and overthink about it, because Jee Yun comes back with a piece of paper, some markers, pencils and Christmas stickers. And so they put some Christmas music in the background and help Jee write a very long list of presents that they’re sure Maddie and Chimney are gonna spoil her with.

A couple of hours go by of them sitting on the floor and doing some drawings and a Christmas themed karaoke. They were having fun, but they were all growing a bit tired and so Buck and Eddie sat on Buck’s bed with Jee Yun in between them to rest a bit. Then Buck’s doorbell rings.

“Oh, looks like Maddie came to pick Jee up,” says Buck getting up, “I’ll get the door. Jee make sure to put everything in your backpack.”

He goes to open the door and greets Maddie with a hug.

“Hi, so how did it go? Did she behave?” asks Maddie while putting down her purse on the table.

Buck smiles, “She was great! She ate all her food, took a nap and we even wrote Santa a very long letter, which I’m sure he’s gonna have a blast with.” glancing to his sister who closes her eyes, rubbing a hand on her forehead and Buck laughs.

“Mommyyyyy!” Jee Yun says running up to her mom hugging her leg.

“Hi baby, did you have fun with Uncle Buck?” she asks her to which she nods.

“Yeah yeah, but I’m pretty sure she had more fun with Uncle Eddie,” says Buck, when Eddie joins them near the table holding Jee’s backpack. He’s blushing and smiling at the nickname and Buck wants to kiss his rosy cheeks to make him blush and smile even more.

Maddie looks at Buck for a second and he tries to ignore it. She thanks Eddie for helping out and he shakes his head handing her Jee’s backpack, “No problem. I had a great time, I love hanging out with kids,” he grinned.
Eddie hid it pretty well, but Buck could tell there was a hint of melancholia in that smile.

__

They said their goodbyes to Maddie and Jee Yun and they were left alone together. They started cleaning up the mess they made on Buck’s coffee table and Eddie was silent the whole time. He had a few things running through his mind. One was something Jee had said to him earlier when Buck was sleeping.

“Buck has a crush on you.”

He didn’t know whether to believe it or not. She was a kid and could very well have been feeling silly and she was just messing around with Eddie. But some part of him really wanted it to be true. It would make the whole thing easier and he would surely be less scared of losing Buck if he ever had the courage to try to have something more with him. The other thing that was bothering him was that he loved spending time with Buck and Jee today, but it reminded him too much of Chris. He missed his kid so much and he missed spending days with him and when Buck would join them it would just feel so complete.

When they were done cleaning up Eddie sat on the couch while Buck grabbed two beers from the fridge. He opened them and handed one to Eddie. He sat next to him.

“Hey Eddie,” he says in the most gentle tone ever. Eddie turns his face towards him taking a sip of his beer. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Buck continues. For a second Eddie feels heat rushing up to his cheeks because he thinks he wants to talk about the first thing that was bothering him. The panic washes away quickly and gets replaced with a bit of sorrow when he realizes that Buck was talking about Christopher.

He was trying too hard to not focus on it, but now Buck was asking him if he wanted to talk about it and he kinda did. Since Chris left they tried to avoid the topic, knowing it hurt a lot for both of them. He only spoke to Frank about it during his therapy sessions, but maybe he needed to just let himself feel it with someone who he had a closer bond with and could understand him on a different level. He sighs, takes another sip of his beer and closes his eyes to block the tears that built up in seconds. He was scared to talk about it, but this was Buck. He knew how to make his walls crumble and he let him because he trusted him and felt safe to do so. He let the tears fall and didn’t hide away from him. There was silence and he was shaking.

“I miss him so much, Buck” he stifles out.

Buck closes the distance between them on the couch in a millisecond and immediately puts an arm around him and Eddie just melts into the hug and cries into his chest.

“I miss him, too” he whispers and Eddie can tell that Buck is crying as well.

“I know it’s my fault he left. I– I know that we both needed to spend some time apart,” he sobs, “It’s just… It’s been so long and I feel like I’m missing out on a big part of his life and it hurts.”

Buck rubs his hand up and down his back, “I know,” he whispers gently, “You’re making an effort, that’s what counts at the moment. You said that he’s been calling you more often lately and from the few messages he sent me he seems to be doing better too.” Buck’s hand moves up to Eddie’s hair and he runs his fingers through it, “I know it’s hard, but you just need to hold on a little bit longer and I’m sure he’ll be ready to come back home soon.”

Eddie’s tears slowed down a little and he nodded. He knew all of the stuff Buck said is true, but he still needed to be reminded sometimes.

Buck’s hand is still brushing a few strands of Eddie’s hair when he places a kiss on the crown of his head and all the nerves in Eddie’s body seem to loosen up. He slowly pulls away, making Buck’s hand travel down to his face, rubbing away one of his tears. He then moved it down his neck, resting his thumb on his collarbone. Eddie looks him in the eyes. They’re glistening, but they are filled with so much love. He feels so immensely lucky to have him by his side, he was his rock and someone he felt comfortable enough with that he could entirely rely on and not feel guilty for taking too much.

“Thank you” he says, his voice barely a whisper.

Buck smiles and looks at him fondly, “Always. I will be right here, next to you for whatever you’re going through right now and every obstacle you’ll bump into in the future.” Eddie’s heart is full of so much love and he’s trying to ignore how big of a promise that is. He doesn’t know what to say, so he just sits there looking at him. Buck looks back at him, but then he frowns as if he just realized something.

“Ah… sorry for the kiss on the head thing. I know we don’t normally do that, but it’s something Maddie always did with me to provide comfort, and I just thought that maybe it would help you fe–”

“Buck,” he stops him by putting a hand on his leg, “It’s fine. I– I liked it.”

“Oh– oh okay, sorry uh… I’m… glad it worked. I’ll do that more often.”

God. They’re both blushing so hard. It’s a little awkward at first, but then they both start giggling at the same time, all the tension lifting off.

Then Eddie feels a spark of courage to ask Buck something he would never have the confidence to ask this way if he wasn’t feeling so comfortable at the moment.

“Hey, I know this is a lot to ask, but do you think I could stay with you tonight? Nothing weird, I promise. I just don’t wanna be alone.” Eddie says, lowering his head, too shy to look at Buck.

“Of course, Eddie” replies Buck lightly tapping Eddie’s arm to make him look at him. Eddie does and his mind can’t stop repeating the question ‘How are you real?’ over and over in his head.

And so they order some pizzas for dinner, they put on a movie and when they’re done eating, they move upstairs to Buck’s bed to finish watching it. Eddie wanted to say that he could just sleep on the couch, but when Buck just invited him up to his bed Eddie let his feelings take over and just accepted it. So here they are in their pajamas (Buck’s actually. He lent Eddie one of his which hangs loosely on him) lying next to each other in bed, watching the movie on the TV.

When the movie is done, they get comfortable lying down facing each other. Eddie has a hand under his pillow and the other resting in between them. They sit in silence for a few moments. Eddie admires Buck’s face, having particular interest in the way his eyelashes catch the moonlight. Buck was staring back at him, his eyeline moving from Eddie’s eyes, to his nose, lips and back up.

Buck has a crush on you.

He wanted to believe it so bad and maybe part of him did, and that’s what gave him the courage to cross the line a tiny bit. Then Buck reaches out to him, stroking the hand that was resting between them with the back of his finger, “I hope you’re feeling better,” he says in a low voice and his eyebrows scrunch cutely together. Eddie loves him so much. He takes his hand in his and replies “I do.”

They are staring at each other once again, and Eddie must be high on something today, cause he surprises himself with what he says next.

“Is it okay if I snuggle closer?”

He regrets it immediately. What the fuck is wrong with you, Eddie.

He expects Buck to get weirded out and to get as far away from him as possible. But all Buck does is beam at him, “Yes, c’mere,” he says as he moves closer, putting an arm around him, placing Eddie’s head to his chest. Buck’s heart was beating faster than normal. Eddie was too afraid to move at first, his body tense because this was not the outcome he was expecting from his brave request. But then Buck started lightly scratching his arm with his hand and Eddie’s insides turned to jello. He relaxed into his embrace and he finally decided it was safe to move and placed a hand on Buck’s chest, rubbing small circles with his thumb.

He starts to doze off and all he remembers before falling asleep is Buck’s hand in his hair and a soft “Goodnight” being muttered between his dark brown locks.

__

Buck woke up with his arm feeling numb. The sound of the morning alarm blared through the whole apartment. He rubbed his eyes and reached over to his nightstand to turn it off. He heard mumbling to his right and turned to see the cause of the numbness in his arm, squinting and mumbling complaints about it being too early. If it were up to Buck they would’ve stayed under the warm blankets, caressing each other, but he didn’t even have time to contemplate. They got out of bed immediately, like they were now used to, to get ready for work.

Buck had his hands on the steering wheel, listening to the radio on low volume and the sound of the LA traffic as background noise. They pass by all the shops and houses decorated for Christmas and he smiles to himself. He loves this time of year, it puts him in a good mood even if it’s 7am and he’s going to work. They stop at a red light and he glances at Eddie in the passenger seat. He’s staring out the window, a calm look on his face while he taps his finger to the beat of the music on the coffee they stopped for earlier, the light of the early morning sun hitting him in a way that takes Buck’s breath away. They’d been driving to work together for a while now, but Buck couldn’t stop thinking of how different and nice it felt today. They had woken up in each other’s arms after having slept in the same bed, and he couldn't even begin to fantasize about what the day would have looked like if they didn’t have to go to work. They had breakfast and got ready together. It was all so quick, but he felt that feeling of domesticity that had been haunting him lately. Something had shifted between them and he didn’t know what it was. He loved it, being with Eddie like this, but he was also terrified to bring it up.

They pull up to the station just like every other day. Eddie walks in, Buck following him right after. They greet the others and walk up to the loft. Buck looks at the mistletoe that made him spiral, then looks at Eddie, who already started up a conversation with Chimney and Bobby, and he takes it all in for a few seconds before focusing in on work.

The shift is a little bit more stressful than usual. They got a call for a really bad fire where a lot of people got injured and they had to do a lot of heavy lifting. When they get back to the station they’re all exhausted and they all crash on the loft. Buck and Eddie are sitting together on the couch, holding a coffee. Buck is so worn out, every part of his body hurts and his bad leg was starting to bother him. He closes his eyes and leans his head on Eddie’s shoulder. He was also really tired, but as soon as Buck did that he adjusted himself to make both of them more comfortable and also put an arm around him. He started massaging Buck’s neck and he felt instant relief, but also got the chills. He for sure wasn’t gonna complain about it though.

“Feel good?” muttered Eddie from above his head.

Buck hummed in response and leaned into his touch.

“Good” Eddie replied softly, satisfied with that answer.

He sat there for about ten minutes, enjoying every second of Eddie’s hand rubbing into his skin, while they drank their coffee and scrolled on their phones. After a while Eddie's hand drifted from his neck to his curls and he ran his fingers through them, just like Buck did last night. They then hear footsteps coming up the stairs and Maddie suddenly appears, holding a bag with containers inside. She scans the room, probably looking for her husband, and her eyeline lands on Buck and Eddie. Her eyebrows rise and she gives Buck an amused smile. Thankfully Eddie was still scrolling through his phone so he didn’t see her and kept his hand where it was on Buck’s head. Buck gave her a “don’t say anything” look and she knew better, so she just nodded and walked up to Chimney, giving him a kiss and handing him the bag she was holding. Not even five minutes pass after Maddie leaves that he gets a message from her on his phone.

We need to talk.

And so here he is, the next day, sitting in Maddie and Chimney’s kitchen while she pours them both something to drink. Their house is already decorated for Christmas. A beautiful tree in the living room, fairy lights twinkling all around the hallways and of course, Buck had to notice the mistletoe hanging at the top of their front door. He could have sworn this was a curse.

“So…” she sits in the stool next to him, tucking one leg underneath herself, “Wanna explain what’s going on between you and Eddie?”

“It’s nothing, really,” he sighs.

“Oh you mean that Eddie running his fingers through your hair and looking at you like you hung the moon and the stars the other day with Jee is nothing?” she asks in a sarcastic tone.

“What? No, he was just comforting me after a tough emergency and he doesn’t look at me like anything,” he scoffs.

Maddie just stares at him, “Buck…”

“It’s just… I don’t know, Maddie,” he sighs, “I do feel like things have changed between us. We’re closer than ever before, we spent more time together ever since Chris left and neither of us wants to be alone, we even slept together last week–” Maddie almost spits out her wine and she widens her eyes. “No wait– Oh my god, it’s not like that I meant we slept in the same bed together” Buck corrects himself, he feels his ears going red.

“Still questionable, but go on.” she says, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

Buck shakes the embarrassment away. “Like I said, I do feel like things have shifted for him as well, but I’m too scared that I misread everything and that I’m gonna ruin things.” He lowers his head.

“Oh, Buck” she pouts at him and puts her hand on his arm.

Buck looks at her, “What I have with Eddie is too important, too precious. And I don’t want to fuck it up just like all my previous relationships. Everyone always leaves and if that ever had to happen with Eddie…” his eyes got watery picturing the unpleasant scenario. He shivered. He didn’t want to think about it. He was sure he would lose it. “God– Maddie I don’t know what I would do.”

She had started rubbing her hand up and down his arm, “Buck… Like you said, what you have with Eddie is amazingly good for you, I’ve seen you change for the better since you met him and I can tell you’ve done the same for him.” She stares back at him with a small smile growing on her face. “I don’t think Eddie will ever leave,” she said simply.

__

Eddie had a lot on his mind lately, but he was certain of two things he had to deal with. He loved Buck and he needed to come out to Christopher. He started with the second one.

He had come to the conclusion that he had to speak with his son that morning, after another night of tossing and turning. He was going over everything that caused his son to leave. It wasn’t just because of the whole Kim thing. That was just the last of a series of mistakes that Eddie made that pushed Chris over the edge. He lied to his son and he didn’t trust him anymore. That was because he was lying to himself first and foremost. He spent all these years getting into relationships with women, trying to find the perfect one for him and Chris that he didn’t take time to reflect on himself and realize that it was not what he wanted and consequently not what was good for his son. Now that Chris had gone to Texas, he felt so lost and it was time to finally find himself. And he did. He took some time before telling him to sit with it, but now he was finally ready to have that talk.

He had texted Chris that they needed to talk and surprisingly he accepted without making excuses. So here he was, sitting on his couch while holding his tablet, his whole body shaking, with his finger hovering over the call button. He was so scared. I can do it. This for the both of us. He presses call.

It rang for two seconds before he saw his son’s face appear on his screen. He instantly wanted to cry. He had grown so much and changed and Eddie had missed all of it. He pushed those tears down and smiled at him.

“Hi, dad.” he greeted him first, “You said you wanted to talk about something important.”

“Hi, Chris. Yeah I have something really important I need to talk to you about. You know how I was telling you that I’ve been working out a lot of things about myself recently?”

“Uh huh?”

“Well, I’ve been reflecting a lot about the past, my relationships and how I felt. All the mistakes I’ve made– and this is not an excuse, but an explanation– well you see… all of those were because I was hiding a part of myself.” He paused, trying to figure out what Christopher was thinking. He seemed very focused on what he was saying, so he just kept going. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I realized that I…” he takes a big breath, “am gay.” He exhales.

He feels like a massive weight has been lifted off his chest and he can finally breathe again. There’s a few seconds of silence, then his son smiles.

“I’m proud of you, dad.” he says and Eddie realizes that both of them had tears streaming down their faces, “I wish I could hug you right now.”

“Me too” he breathes out in response.

They both take a second to recompose themselves. When they’re done wiping away their tears Eddie speaks again.

“I know this might be a lot to take in, and I know I hurt you a lot in the past and I am so sorry for that.” He felt a pang in his chest every time he thought about it. “I don’t expect you to suddenly come back after this, but I felt like this was important to tell you.” He bit his lip, suddenly nervous of his kid’s response once again.

“I’m happy you told me dad,” he says, “a lot of things make sense now.” He pauses for a moment and then continues, “Are you… seeing anyone?”

Eddie leans back, very taken aback from the question cause he didn’t expect it at all.

“No, not really… Do you want me to be seeing anyone?” he replies, raising an eyebrow.

Christ thinks for a second, “I mean… whatever makes you happy, but I don’t think you have to look for anyone new.”

Eddie frowns, trying to understand what he means. “What do you mean with that, buddy?”

Chris rolls his eyes. “Dad, really? Buck is right there.”

Eddie can’t believe this is happening right now. His kid is not really suggesting to start dating his best friend who he just now realized he has very strong feelings for.

“You want me to date Buck?” he asks.

“Yeah. I mean if I really had to pick someone I would choose him now that I know that’s an option,” Christopher replies, “But dad, you don’t have to date him because I like him, but because you do.”

And Eddie feels like crying once again. Cause that was really it, wasn’t it? He, for once, had to pick for himself and only for himself. The fact that Christopher liked Buck was just a happy coincidence.

“I do like Buck,” he admitted, out loud for the first time. Christopher looked like he was about to make fun of him and he had to stop him before he got terribly roasted by his 14-year-old. “I’m not sure if that’s gonna happen, but I promise I’m not gonna make those mistakes ever again.”

They bought a plane ticket back to Los Angeles for the next weekend right after the call.

__

Buck is stress-baking. He went home after going out grocery shopping, took a quick shower and immediately started making muffins. He kept seeing mistletoe everywhere now that people were putting up their Christmas decorations and it didn’t help with him trying to NOT think about kissing Eddie. So here he was, his kitchen a mess, distracting himself by making chocolate muffins.
He had become really good at it (he had been stressing a lot lately) and he smiled happily when he tasted one before placing them in a little basket with little Christmas decorations all over it. Just then his phone lit up. It was a message from Eddie.

You need to come over ASAP.

It’s serious.

Buck types a quick reply, takes off his apron, grabs his keys and muffins and he drives as fast as he can to Eddie’s house. When he gets there he lets himself in with his spare key and Eddie is nowhere to be seen.

“Eddie?” he calls out worriedly.

He hears some shuffling and then Eddie replies “In here!”

He runs into the hallway, a million thoughts running through his mind, hoping everything is okay, only to find Eddie, freshly showered, his hair all soft and wispy, wearing a white long sleeve shirt and grey sweatpants. His heart stops for a second, mentally cursing at him for making him worry when he’s apparently okay and looks like that. Then he looks down at the boxes on the floor filled with Christmas decorations and he smiles.

Eddie puts down one of the boxes he was holding, he looks up at him and points at the basket he is holding, “You made muffins?” his eyes light up.

Buck smiles shyly, “Yeah I was testing out a new recipe” he lied cause he couldn’t tell him he made them to distract himself from the thought of kissing him. “I decided to bring them over when you texted me, thinking maybe they could help with whatever is going on.”
Eddie’s gaze softens as he’s taking one and raising it towards his mouth.

Buck tries not to stare. “Anyway…You’re decorating?’’ Buck says.

Eddie nods while chewing the big bite he took from the muffin, his eyebrows raising in surprise of how good it was. He swallows and then takes a breath. Buck is scared for a second.

“Christopher is coming home.”

Buck drops the basket. He opens and closes his mouth a few times and his vision blurs from the tears welling up.

“Oh– Oh my god, Eddie… I can’t believe it.” he gasps.

“Me either.” Eddie says with a smile.

And Buck finally moves and runs to Eddie in seconds, engulfing him into a hug. Eddie’s arms around his waist, and Buck’s on Eddie’s shoulder, one hand cradling his head. They’re both laughing with tears streaming down their faces.

They pull away to look at each other, but their arms stay where they were.

“When?” Buck asks.

“This weekend, we bought a ticket an hour ago.”

“This weekend? Fuck, Eddie I can’t wait I’m so happy”

“Yeah we had a very… insightful conversation earlier this morning and he decided it was time to come back home–”

“– Hence the decorations” Buck finishes his sentence, looking down at all the boxes.

Eddie follows Buck’s gaze down, “Yeah, I wanted to make the house look nice before he comes back,” he snaps his head towards Buck and he could feel the heat spreading across his face. They were so close.

“Wanna help?” Eddie asks, his brown eyes glistening with happiness.

“Of course,” Buck replied with a grin.

And so they put on some Christmas music and started decorating the tree. They were grabbing the ornaments out of the boxes one by one, stopping to comment on the silly ones or the ones with sentimental memories attached to them. Buck even put on a Santa hat he had found in one of the boxes and he was belting out (only half jokingly) “All I want for Christmas is You” while pointing at Eddie who was laughing so hard, but also blushing which made Buck very happy to see. He just felt so comfortable, and warm, and Eddie looked gorgeous. And Buck just wanted to pull him in his arms and kiss him. But he didn’t. Instead he limited himself to small bushes of hands while passing ornaments and their shoulders brushing while getting in the small space behind the tree.

At one point Buck is crouching down, rummaging through one of the boxes and then he finds something.
He couldn’t believe it. Green plastic leaves tied together with a ribbon. He takes it out turning to show Eddie who chuckles.

“Oh I’m definitely putting this up on the front door,” Buck says, getting up to go and attach it to the doorframe, “now you gotta kiss me before I leave and everytime I walk through this door” he jokes, testing the waters.

“Shut up” he replies with a lighthearted tone.

He looks embarrassed, but the good kind. Buck feels relieved that the awkwardness between them after Chimney first made that joke was lifted and all there was left was silly flirting.

Time flew by and after two hours they were done with everything and they decided to just sit on the couch and watch a movie.

“Pick something and I’ll make some hot chocolate for us, okay?” Eddie says.

Buck grins and raises an eyebrow at him, “Fancy.’’

“All of that and more for you” Eddie winks at him and Buck is stunned. Eddie walks into the kitchen chuckling.

Buck blinks a few times, his mouth agape before he shakes his head and starts scrolling through a list of Christmas movies when he finally lands on “Love, actually”. A bit clichè, but it brings him comfort and he watches it every year in December. He starts scrolling on his phone while he waits for Eddie to come back. It doesn’t take long, it’s just hot chocolate, but Buck already misses him and just when he’s about to get up to go join him in the kitchen, he comes back into the living room holding some napkins and two mugs filled to the brim with hot chocolate and marshmallows on top. When he hands one to Buck he notices he even added some star-shaped sprinkles on top. Cute.

“Thank you, Eddie,” he says softly, “you really went all out.”

“Like I said, all that and more for you” Eddie replies while sitting on the couch.
__

They had started the movie sitting separate from each other, not on opposite ends of the couch, but at an acceptable distance. But then Eddie started to feel cold, even though they were sharing two blankets. He just slowly moved closer and closer to Buck. It wasn’t just him though, Buck was inching closer too. And just like that, by halfway through the movie, Eddie was resting his head on Buck’s chest while he had his arm around him and a leg resting on top of Eddie's. He initially thought he was crossing a line and that he had to move away, but Buck was letting him and he was so cozy, and warm, and he loved being held like this. So he stayed.

When all the scenes with the little kid and his stepdad happened, Eddie would get a bit emotional because they reminded him of Chris and, as if on cue, Buck would rub small circles with his thumb where his hand was resting on Eddie’s shoulder. At one point he heard him whisper “He’s coming back” and he hummed happily in response. Buck just knew him so well, what he was feeling and how to comfort him and he didn’t even have to say anything.

When the movie comes to an end, there’s something in the air. It might be weariness from the previous 48 hour shift catching up to him, the high he was riding since he called Christopher this morning, the decorating for the holidays, the sugar from the hot chocolate, the emotional ending to a movie about love or maybe the way he was snuggled up to Buck, but he was feeling hazy. It was like he was drunk, not on alcohol, but on something else he couldn’t quite name.

He turned his head up towards Buck just as he turned his own towards Eddie and they were centimeters apart. They stopped and stared at each other with lidded eyes. Buck looked tired, his hair soft and curly and a bit disheveled after a long day. And the way he was looking at him. Fuck– He also looked like he was drunk on something. Eddie didn’t know when he had started playing with the strings of Buck’s hoodie, but he had the sudden urge to pull him down and just kiss him.

Eddie was staring at Buck’s lips, itching to just feel them against his. They were both leaning in, their noses brushing against each other. Eddie swallowed and looked up into Buck’s gorgeous blue eyes. “Can I?” he asks, his voice so light he didn’t know if anything actually came out. But then Buck nods. “Yes” he whispers back just as lightly.

So Eddie moves and places a soft kiss where he wanted it most. A bunch of emotions he had built up throughout all these years flood through the dam he had built to protect himself. And that reflects through the tears that start streaming down his face. He pulls away and looks at Buck who sees his tears and smirks at him, “That bad, uh?” which makes Eddie laugh. Buck caresses his face wiping away some of the tears.

“It’s just… Everything finally makes sense,” he says looking down. “This–” he gestures between them, “This feels right.” He finally looks back at Buck, a knowing soft smile across his face.

“All these years I’ve been wandering around looking for the perfect person for me and for Christopher and that never worked out. That’s because the person I’ve been looking for was standing right next to me the whole time and I was too dumb to see it.”

“Well that makes two of us,” replies Buck and they both start laughing together. They put their foreheads together, Buck had his hand stroking Eddie’s face, Eddie had his hands around Buck’s neck, his thumb moving up and down slowly. They’re both so giddy and Eddie’s heart is beating so fast and loud. He looks up at Buck and he sees years of him having his back, always being there when he needed him. Years of undeniable unconditional love.

“I love you.” Eddies says, a little scared, but he had to let Buck know.

Buck opens his eyes so fast, his giddy expression getting tainted by a bit of disbelief. “Really?”

Eddie smiles at the shock in Buck’s face “Yes, really. I love you and I wanna be with you.”

Buck lets out a few breaths as if he still couldn’t believe it. “Oh Eddie, I love you too. Fuck I love you so much. I– I also wanna be with you. I can’t believe I’ve been going insane ever since Chimney made that joke. My god I was stress-baking all morning–”

“The muffins?” interrupts Eddie.

“Yes Eddie, the muffins.” replies Buck and they’re both giggling. “Can I kiss you again now?” asks Buck.

“Yes, please,” he replies so fast.

And so Buck leans in this time, taking Eddie’s face in his hands and kisses him like his life depends on it. Eddie can’t believe they waited this long for this, but it doesn’t matter. Now he is kissing Buck and that’s all he can think about. Buck, Buck, Buck.

The kisses get more and more intense, and Eddie moves closer and closer to Buck till he’s on top of him, the blanket they were sharing lost on the floor. They’re making out, their kisses interrupted by ‘i love yous’ and compliments being whispered by both of them. They keep going until Eddie’s stomach rumbles loudly.

They both stop and stare at each other before they burst out laughing.

“Fuck this is so embarrassing.” says Eddie, finding interest in Buck’s hoodie stings once again.

Buck is quick to comfort him. “Don’t worry, baby” and Eddie’s heart stops beating for a second at the nickname. “C’mon I’ll cook you something and then we can get back to this.” Buck says smirking and pointing at the both of them.

Eddie’s embarrassment washes away and hunger takes over. “Alright.” Eddie replies, giving Buck one last peck.

__

Buck felt like he was in heaven. He cooked dinner for the both of them, while Eddie had his arms wrapped around him the whole time, refusing to leave and Buck was never going to complain. They sat on each side of the angle of the table, their legs interlocked together and holding hands whenever they weren’t using it. If others saw they would probably make fun of them or cringe at how disgustingly clingy they were being, but Buck didn’t care. He wanted to be with Eddie and close to Eddie as much as he could.

When they were done they held hands all the way to the bathroom to brush their teeth. They kept jokingly bumping into each other, trying to take up more space in the mirror. When they finish wiping their faces, Buck takes Eddie’s hand again and takes him to the bedroom and he closes the door behind them. He doesn’t have to since they’re home alone, he does it more so that he can pin Eddie to the door. He giggles at how clichè this is but the way Eddie’s cheeks turn red tells him that he secretly loves it.

“So where were we?” says Buck in a low voice, moving closer to Eddie’s face.

“I don’t know, what did you have in mind?” replies Eddie in a flirty tone.

“Mhh I think there’s a thing or two you would enjoy.”

“Why don’t you show me?”

And so Buck does. He leans in to kiss Eddie once again, and he smiles at the minty taste. He starts off soft and gentle like he’s afraid to break him, but when Eddie kisses back and he enthusiastically puts his hands in Buck’s hair, it starts getting a bit intense. Buck starts moving his kisses to the corner of his mouth, to his chin, his jaw and when he gets to his neck he dares himself to gently bite and when Eddie makes the sweetest most beautiful sound Buck has ever heard he decides it’s time to move this to the bed.

So he stops and Eddie makes a tiny sound of protest. Buck takes his hand again and pulls him on top of himself as he lays down on the mattress. Eddie is straddling him, like he was on the couch, his dark eyes intense like he has never seen them before and Buck suddenly goes through the realization that this is real for the both of them and it’s not just a dream. He stops and stares at Eddie for a second to take it all in before he pulls Eddie down to kiss him senseless.

__

Eddie wakes up to small kisses being placed all along his shoulder. He shudders as the kisses get closer to his neck.

“Sorry,” Buck grumbles behind him, “I didn’t wanna wake you, but I missed you already.”

Eddie curses in his head at how cute that was. He hums and turns around to face him, tangling their legs together. He takes one look at Buck and he’s taken aback at how beautiful he looks in the morning. It’s not the first time they’ve woken up next to each other, but this time it was different. The morning light was shining on his face, his soft skin, his hair ruffled and red marks all over his neck and shoulders. He sheepishly reaches out lightly touching the marks he made, tracing every line of muscle he so badly wanted to sink his teeth into. Buck has an arm under Eddie’s pillow and another around his waist which he tightens the grip on when Eddie touches a particular spot on his neck.

“It’s okay, plus,” Eddie puts a hand on Buck’s cheek and he turns to place a kiss on his palm, “I’ll have more motivation to get up in the morning now that I get to wake up to this gorgeous face.” He smiles at him, knowing how cheesy that sounded.

“Eddie...” Buck shily smiles and turns his head towards Eddie’s hand on his cheek trying to hide the flush of pink on his face. Oh Eddie is gonna love doing this for the rest of his life.

When their giggles die down, Buck asks “Hey, I know that maybe it’s a little soon to ask, but how do you wanna do this with Christopher?” And Eddie could tell he had this question rolling over and over in his head the whole time he was awake while Eddie slept. Eddie didn’t know he could love him more than he already did, but then he just had to say these things that showed how much he cared about his son that he had to stop himself with every fiber of his being to not get down on one knee. Soon he thought.

Eddie smiled at him “I think he’s more than okay with this,” he chuckles.

“What do you mean?” Buck frowns.

Eddie readjusts his head on his pillow and replies, “You know how I said that my conversation that I had with him yesterday was insightful? Well, I came out to him and then he asked me if I was seeing anyone. When I said ‘no’ he pretty much suggested you.”

“Me?”

Eddie laughs. “I was shocked at first, too. But then when you think about it, who else? Buck you’ve been like a second dad to him all these years. He loves you and he knows you love him too. And us two? We’re always together. We drive to work together and when we don’t work we spend that time with each other. We’re probably already a couple in his eyes, he’s just gonna have to get used to us kissing from now on.”

Buck seems so happy with that answer. He tightens the grip on his waist and kisses him a few times before Eddie pulls away, “And… it’s not even gonna be much of an adjustment when you move in.” He bites his lip as he looks up to see Buck’s reaction.

He stares at him with his mouth hanging open before he realizes he needs to say something back. “You want me to move in?” He asks.

“Mhh mh, you’re not spending one more day away from me in another house ever again.” He pushes Buck to lay flat on the bed to put his leg over him before showering him in kisses.

__

Christopher had come home and it was an emotional reunion full of tears for everyone. Buck and Eddie had driven together to the airport, but they tried not to make it obvious that they had started dating at first, they wanted to ease him into their new relationship, but Christopher clocked them in 0.2 seconds. But, just like Eddie predicted, he adjusted immediately to the new dynamic and was thrilled when he found out Buck would be living with them permanently.
As for their friends, it wasn’t much of a surprise for them either, they were mostly happy for them, but also let out a bunch of ‘finallys’ and ‘it took you guys so longs’ when they broke the news. Buck and Eddie found it funny, slightly annoying, but it did give them more confidence in the relationship to know that the others saw it just the way they did.

It was now Christmas day and to celebrate they decided to host this year. Buck thought it was an amazing decision, except he realized too late that cooking a Christmas dinner for more than ten people would be hard. Eddie and Christopher had offered to help, but he was determined to do it all by himself.

“Buck, c’mon just let me do something.” says Eddie, who is leaning on the doorframe of the kitchen.

Buck is cutting some carrots. He shakes his head “No, I can do it.”

“Babe, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.”

“I know, I know,” he says, tossing the carrots in a bowl. The oven starts beeping, signaling that it’s at the right temperature. He spins on the spot looking for the turkey that he forgot where he last placed it. He spotted it next to a pot with smoke coming out of it. He ran to turn off the stove and grabbed the turkey. “I just want everything to be perfect– OW!” he hisses as he burns his hand while putting the turkey in the oven.

Eddie rushes over to help him, opens the tap and takes his hand to run it under cold water.

Buck is slightly embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I really thought I could do it.” He rubs his hand over his face, “I don’t know what came over me.”

Eddie looks at him after checking that the water is at the right temperature. “It’s okay, I know that this is what you’re like, so I didn’t want to press you too much. I just don’t want you to get hurt, so please can you let me help you?” He looked at him with a worried expression.

“Yes.” Buck replies and Eddie nods, placing a kiss to his forehead. Sometimes Buck would forget he could rely on other people and he loved that Eddie always reminded him in one way or another.

After Buck’s burn stopped hurting as bad, they finished up everything that he started together, exchanging quick pecks as they passed each other while doing different things. It was so fun and Buck was never gonna cook alone again.

When they are done with everything, they stand face to face leaning on each side of the doorframe of the kitchen. They both sigh as they tilt their head back, tired after cooking all the food for a Christmas dinner that they were hosting together as a couple. Buck couldn’t believe this was his life. He looks at Eddie and, even though they’ve been together for almost a month now, he still catches himself falling in love with him more and more each day and it was the best feeling in the world.

“Thank you,” says Buck smiling, lolling his head to the side, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Well, good thing I’m not going anywhere” replied Eddie.

And Buck, for the first time in his life, believed it.

They’re still standing there and Buck raises his gaze to the top of the frame and he notices a small nail stuck in the wall.

“What’s that? I've never noticed it.”

“Oh that nail? We used to have a little Texas shaped door hanging, but it broke and we never replaced it with anything.”

And that’s when Buck had an idea. He leaves Eddie where he was and goes over to the front door and grabs the fake mistletoe he put there when they were decorating. He walks back to Eddie, who as soon as he sees what Buck is holding, he laughs and puts his head in his hands.

“I mean, we cross this door way more often together,” Buck laughs as he raises his hands to hang the mistletoe on the kitchen door. “There. Now you know what you gotta do,” he says, raising his shoulders and sending Eddie an innocent look. Eddie has never looked more enamoured with him.

“I’m gonna marry you.” Eddie mutters, and before Buck could even start to process what Eddie just said, he is kissing him. He had his hand on Buck’s waist and he almost short circuited. He didn’t want it to stop, but he pulls away with a gasp. Eddie is tomato red and Buck is sure he is blushing just as hard.

“You meant that, right? Cause Eddie– I’m so serious– I’m gonna say yes in a heartbeat.”

Eddie looks embarrassed. “Honestly this is not how I thought it would go. I started kissing you hoping you didn’t hear what I just said, but…” he reaches for his back pocket pulling out a small red velvety box and Buck could feel his heart beating in his throat, “I wanted to save this for later as a Christmas present, but since I’ve been thinking about it the whole day I guess I just blurted it out so I’m just gonna do it now.” He gets down on one knee and Buck wipes his eyes that are already tearing up.

“I didn’t know what to give you as a gift for Christimas. But then I thought about it, talked about it with Christopher, and I couldn’t think of a better present than a promise of unconditional love for the rest of our life. For a second I thought it might be too soon, but I don’t wanna wait any longer, so… Evan Buckley, will you marry me?”

Buck doesn’t wait a single second before saying ‘yes’.

Eddie slides the ring on his finger, placing a kiss on Buck’s hand and getting up to kiss him again. Buck melted into the kiss, ready to maintain this promise for the rest of their lives.

And here they are, perfectly, stupidly and infinitely in love, under the mistletoe.