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The trees in the palace garden continue the sway with the wind and the birds go on chirping, as if nothing had changed, as if this is a day like any other. You are left sitting in your private balcony, looking up at the bright sky, trying not to cry. Magath had just left the room after informing you about the decision of the rest of the council. The Captain himself included, apparently. The captain was particularly enthusiastic, he had said pointedly, under the impression that would be reassuring to you. Not even giving you a room for vetoing - the result is unanimous. You turn your back to him and dismiss him in silent anger, not willing to show him your weakness.
“Send for Captain Ackerman.”
Your servant nods, mute, nameless, just like anyone around you.
Except one whose name you wish you could erase from your mind.
-
You recognize him from his footsteps before he even enters the room. Your hands on the white marble rails of the balcony tremble, still.
“Your highness,” he bows.
No sign of weakness in his stoic expression, his body as strong and immovable as a rock, and the power you know resides beneath his skin immeasurable. His stone-like face has not wavered once in your presence - except for once. His bloodline has been serving yours for a millennia, but there is something about him that commands the audience like royalty himself. You feel shivers running down your spine when his eyes bore into yours, endless pools of molten-silver.
Just once and only once you had seen him falter.
“Magath said you heard back from the warrior group three days ago.”
The quiet man nods. You are playing this charade for nothing - he knows what you want to ask, what you want to scold him for, to throw a tantrum like a child about it so he could come and indulge you like he used to, making everything alright.
But maybe he doesn’t really understand - you had distanced yourself from him, after all. You had to. Maybe he no longer sees you like you wish he would, maybe you are a mystery to him as he is a mystery to you. You could not blame him for your cowardice, but you could blame him in your weakest state for not understanding why.
“And you decided to organize an attack on Paradis,” you try to say without sounding hysterical.
“We did,” he replies again, so curt it feels vengeful. Is this finally your punishment for that night years back?
“You saw no reason to discuss this with me.”
He pauses for a second, but there is no emotion to be read on his face.
“I wasn’t made aware it was desired,” his low baritone is even when he speaks. “The vote was unanimous.”
“So I’ve heard,” you smile bitterly. The distance between you seems surmountable.
“Did you have an objection?”
Did you, for the decision he had none for?
Your objection is one thing you cannot address, not without breaking all the rules and lie yourself bare. In front of someone who had dared the very same thing before, that you have not sought the courage to match back then. Your objection to the decision of the council, beyond anything, is selfish. You also are well aware in the back of your mind that this is the moment to attack and your Captain’s presence is crucial.
Except you cannot find it in yourself to care. Hundreds of years of conflict and carnage means nothing to you, in the light of your feelings.
“Do you care about what I think of it?”
His hand flinches and your eye refuses to miss the slighest of his movements, and you suddenly want to laugh in hysteria, at the little victory that he is not unaffected, unsure if it makes it worse or better when you know he’s leaving you here alone in this land.
“I would like to hear it if something bothers you.”
That stone-face was broken only once, and that had been enough.
One time, and you had known.
Captain Ackerman was in love with you.
A love that was not meant to be lived in daylight.
“But it won’t matter in the end,” you smile to yourself bitterly and turn to the gardens, stepping into the balcony, incapable of facing him any longer.
“The decision can’t be changed unless we get a new development,” he says. Robotic, sensible.
Infuriating.
Irresistible.
You nod while shaking, but dreading to have this be your last conversation with him.
“When will you be leaving?”
“In two weeks.”
You turn back to give him one final look.
“That is all.”
Your heart feels like it is about to burst out of your chest. You feel nauseaous with endless guilt, regret, and you cannot bear it.
You had dismissed his feelings, as you had to, many nights ago. The feelings he did not dare to even utter out loud, but it had been as clear as day to you. In a moment of interlude, something daring you coaxed out of him, and that is why you feel that you are guilty against him. The best you can do is to keep your distance to protect both of you.
It isn’t until you hear the footstep die you sink with the weight of it all to your knees under the mocking rays of bright spring sun.
-
The screams and chatter continued to seep from the inside the palace. You could barely run yourself, after the never-ending dance you had been tolerating with that disgusting, handsy prince they kept forcing on you.
Good for politics, bad for you.
And who cared how you felt?
But then the night was interrupted when an assassin disguised as one of his entourage decided to make a rather bold move and try to murder you rather publicly.
Well, you were certainly free of that prince now.
Levi brought you out to the gardens right away, then went back to retrieve the necklace you dropped in the middle of the commotion after securing the place and making sure you were the only one in there. And here he was, your loyal guard, back from the massacre. Always there, watching like a hawk, the icy man’s presence lulling you into security like a warm fireplace. He had always been there beside you like a deathly marble statue, but there was warmth in him, you could always tell, like a precious, beloved secret only you were privy to. He mutely gave you your necklace that you had dropped inside when someone pulled you from your neck.
“Thank you,” you breathed out. The midnight air was cold and invigorating, perfect to alleviate the feverish feeling of adrenaline that still had you in its clutches. You stumbled a little on the path along the rose bushes, cursing your balance inwardly. “It’s the shoe,” you laughed as you excused yourself, trying and failing to reach it because of the size of your gown. “I think I broke the heel trying to run away.”
“This isn’t a laughing matter,” he scowled helplessly at you. You almost gotten assassinated, and he had executed the attacker right on the spot. He still had the bloodstains on him, you noted, feeling a little dizzy. The inside of the castle was in an immediate disarray afterwards, your father’s men surrounding the prince’s entourage after Levi got rid of the immediate threat, with everyone in hysterics, trying to find out if there had been anyone else that had slipped past your castle's defenses. Levi immediately got you out to save you from the chaos and only went back for a moment for you, unbothered by whoever else died inside.
“Not worried about what’s going on there?”
“They’re not my priority.”
You are, was left unsaid. You didn't need him to say it, and the implication alone was enough to fluster you. He had just murdered a man for you, without flinching. You felt a little euphoric at the thought, this machine of a man who had been such a strong, silence presence you could always trust, and even though you had heard about his past, it was different seeing his strength and the violence he was capable of wielding with your own eyes. Your eyes traced the blood on him and you had to press your legs to alleviate the need. There were things even a princess was not allowed to have.
When he kneeled and reached out one hand as a request to examine your feet, you felt a little lightheaded.
“May I?”
You lifted your feet towards him and he tried to see if it was anything he could fix, scowling at the shoe. It seemed laughable that he was so bothered about your broken heel he couldn’t put in its place than what was going on inside.
“Don’t bother,” you whispered, giggling at his frustration. “I won’t fall.”
“I don’t trust that,” he grumbled, almost to himself.
“If I do,” you put your hands on his wide, strong shoulders. “You’ll catch me.”
In the suddenly quieted night, you heard him inhale sharply. That same euphoric feeling grew exponentially and exploded within your chest. This was a moment you could remain in forever, just with him, in the rose gardens.
The tips of his ears were flushed, and he averted his gaze as he got up. You didn’t remove your hands from his shoulders, looking at his beautiful grey eyes that refused to meet yours. The monster of a man remained under your hands as if he didn’t know what to do with himself and instead of turning your back, you leaned in, tilting your head to the side.
“Put on my necklace,” you whispered. “Please.”
You could hear his labored breathing. You waited with your neck bared, like a sheep offering herself to a wolf. And that really was such, wasn’t it?
He opened his mouth.
Closed it again.
Almost leaned in.
Suddenly there was another commotion from inside, a shrill scream that yelled traitor, that made you jolt with the dawning of just what you were doing here, what lines you were crossing. That you were forcing to cross. This wasn’t something you could live, this wasn’t a man you could be allowed to marry. You had been beside yourself with the thrill of the night, forgetting your boundaries, your innermost desires coming out, accidentally leading him on, and now you had to move away, leaving him with his arms about to circle you with that necklace in his hand. Your heart hurt at the look, at what you had to run away from, and it took him a moment to regain his faculties, then he moved away as well, looking ashamed of himself.
“We should head back.”
Your voice sounded like it belonged to someone else.
-
You spend the next two weeks in a complete breakdown. You can’t stop thinking about it, trying to reconcile, to find an out, just anything to soothe your anxiety with. The guilt - that you recognize, and regret, of everything you have denied yourself, grown to an unmanageable size at the sight of the danger of death.
At best, the distance.
You know he's strong - you have never seen anything like it. Not many have. Not many have even lived to tell the tale, the rumors of your Ackerman haunts anyone who even thinks of stepping out of line. Not only your fierce protector, but the strongest military Captain in the known history, he has complete authority over the highest level, most specialized troops you have in your army.
But anyone can fall with enough luck on an enemy's side.
And that is not even all - you find yourself too weak to even bear the thought of not seeing the crown of his head barking orders at the soldiers from where you can watch him from balcony every morning, as if you are just a casual spectator of your army working and not a woman in love. He will be far away in an unknown land, with new people. It makes you want to tear yourself apart in fear.
Fear of him getting hurt.
Fear of him moving on.
Was it worth it? What did you gain by denying yourself?
Hadn’t it just been one big cowardly act masquerading as duty?
You can barely breathe under the weight of your feelings, unable to eat, all sleep haunted by nightmares. You fear going out in case you see him, you don’t think you can handle keeping your facade up when you know what is at stake.
He could die in Paradis, that betrayer of a voice in your mind speaks. Despite his peerless strength, in the land of the devils, he could die.
He could die, without knowing that his feelings have been reciprocated all along.
Without you ever knowing his touch, outside the times he has had to hold you to assist you, and even that you have felt for days like it burned your skin.
What have you gained by denying you both of what you want?
Were your dead parents ever proud, or your brother? Or all those people who cared nothing for you outside your title?
Before you could do anything, it is the last night. You have seen in the schedule, one time you left your quarters, that they are leaving at seven in the morning for Paradis.
And when it is three in the morning, you already know what you’re going to do. You don’t care anymore what the fallout of your actions are going to be. Or if he would even allow you, at this point - that would be what you deserve, you think.
You slip outside your room in your nightgown and quietly step towards his quarters. You have heard that he doesn’t even care to lock his door, knowing nothing out there could get him. You tiptoe inside, pushing the heavy door as quietly as you can muster, and let the lush darkness envelope you, alongside the comforting and tantalizing scent that you know belongs to him. Before you could even revel in it, there is a large hand on your neck, and your back hits the wall next to the entrance. You haven’t even heard him get up.
“You…"
In the near-darkness, you catch the widening of his eyes at recognition. His face morph into an open shock, something vulnerable shining in his eyes.
“Levi.” There is a determination in your voice, something honest. He drops his hand like he doesn’t know what to do with it, and you aren’t sure if it is his name coming so freely out of your lips or the fact you have come to him. You see his pale, naked chest glowing in the cold moonlight seeping inside and feel the last remnant of your inhibition die.
“What…why are you…” he tries to speak. “You shouldn’t have. If anyone sees..”
“I don’t care anymore,” you whisper. Before he can react, you put your hands to his shoulders, like you had done back then in the gardens. You take one step closer, your body separated by the thinnest of your gowns nearly brushing against his. You tilt your head to the side and meet his gaze.
“Please.”
There is a growl and something snapping, then strong arms come to encircle you and you let go of everything, dazed by lust and relief. You moan as his mouth hungrily starts biting and kissing your neck, making sure you will wear the marks many nights after he’s gone. You melt into his arms while he squeezes your body tightly and presses you to the wall again, too impatient to even think of dragging you to his bed.
“Gods, yes,” you moan. “Please, Levi, never stop.”
He wordlessly trails kisses from your neck to your face, finally meeting your mouth. Lips devouring yours, his tongue sneaks inside, and you try to match his rhythm. He leaves your lips to give open mouthed kisses to your cheeks, your jaw, other side of your neck again, making sure he leaves no place unmarked.
“Levi,” you moan. “m sorry, ’m so sorry,” you deliriously mutter. He pauses slightly and kisses your ear.
“No need for apologies,” he murmurs.
“There is,” you whine. “I made you wait for nothi-“
He grabs your face and pulls you in another kiss that makes your head go blank. When he breaks away, he just gently holds you as you open your eyes. You feel so relieved that he still wants you, he isn't angry at you, he isn't rejecting you. His big, scarred hands are warm and his gaze soft at the sight of you nuzzling and pressing kisses into his palm. The hands of the man who has killed for you, you think, in an euphoric reverence.
“Don’t want you to go.”
“I know,” he says, giving a kiss to your forehead. He stands there, with his hands gentle around your face, asking nothing else. You press another kiss to his palm and move your lips to his wrist. His eyes look hazy with need, which you know he had been suppressing for so long, just like you.
“Levi,” you say his name without his title again, wanting to repeat it as much as you can now that you have the chance.
“We shouldn’t,” he tries to protest. “If they find out, your future..”
“You’re the only man I want. That I'll ever want.”
You watch the rest of his half-hearted resolve crumble at your declaration as something more primal takes over his gaze, something hungry and possessive you had seen in him before, as he had eliminated any threat that dared to come near you. Something that screams Mine.
He grabs you with one arm and lifts you from your bottom oh so easily, a little yelp that comes out of you is smothered by the hungry kiss he pulls you into. You hold onto his shoulders, one hand on his face and his excessively warm, muscular chest rubs against your body through the almost see through nightgown you have on. He carries you to his bed and drops you, immediately moving between your parted legs, his face washed in open emotion. Just how much have you dreamt of having this man completely succumbed into his feelings, just like that night? Unfortunate that the fear of losing him, having him away from you during that war has made you take the risk, a little too late. To ignore everything you have been taught, all the rules that have been drilled into you, to take the first step.
As a Marleyan royalty, you are expected to live up to demands of many, staying chaste and pure until the marriage is a rather cliche one. Another is obviously marrying an important political figure that could offer you alliances which you have managed to avoid throughout years, by tricks and tantrums and excuses and sheer luck. You’re supposed to appease the public, join the council to help in decision-making and and put up an elegant front. A glorified poster-child is what you are.
Getting fucked by the most vicious dog of the military who is additionally your guard is certainly not on the list of daily honorable tasks of a Marleyan princess.
Trampling over that taboo gives you a thrill, knowing that you are outside the realm of approval of who has been trying to subdue you, as this perfect war god of a man between your legs looks at you with adoration. Pushing your gown further, only to reveal that you have been bare underneath.
There’s a gasp.
“You’ve come to me like this,” the murmur is almost to himself and he rips the rest of your gown, making you laugh in joy at his urgency.
“Ah- be gentle,” you half-moan. As if in a trance, he rubs a finger over your slit.
“You’re fucking drenched.”
You could feel ashamed, but instead you open your legs wider for him.
“All for you,” you whisper.
He swears under his breath and grabs your legs and shoves his face between your legs before you could even register the change of position.
“Ah- Levi - softer-“
He certainly tries to and groans when your hands entangle in his hair, nails scraping his undercut as he laps at your pussy like he’s starved for it. He runs his tongue from your entrance up to you clit, enveloping the bud in his mouth and lightly sucking while you writhe in pleasure, trying to keep your head up to not miss the way he looks between your legs as he forces his tongue inside your tight hole. His nose brushes against your clit as he tongue-fucks you, his hands gripping your thighs like vice. He gives a light bite to your outer lips, teasing your clit, then kissing your mound and moving up to pull you to his lap. He shoves his tongue in your mouth this time, the kiss now filthier, open mouthed, with his face wet from you. You settle into his lap where he wanted you and you feel him, thick erection still trapped in his pants. Your naked legs are around him as he paws at your thighs like a kid who just got a new toy he had been begging for and you rub yourself against him.
“Fuck,” he swears and hides his face into your chest. You give his head a kiss as shoves his fingers inside you while his hips buck up, you can feel he’s barely hanging by a threat. There is no need to hold back - you feel completely ready.
“Levi,” you moan. “Love, come on, fuck me already.”
“Too tight,” he moans. “Don’t wanna hurt you.”
“s fine,” you whisper. “Wanna feel it when you aren’t here with me.”
He growls at that and stretches you move, fingers’ movement bolder, pushing deeper, his thumb brushing against your clit drawing whines from you while you already miss his soft lips around it. But you don’t have enough time - you need him in you now. You pull his flushed face to yourself and start peppering kisses all over and reach down to stroke his cock over his pants.
“Shit, don’t do that,” he tries to stop you. “Won’t last.”
“s fine,” you say again, turned on by his loss of control. “m close too.”
He lets you pull his dick out, completely hard with his pink tip flushed and leaking, with veins protruding that makes your mouth water. You wish you could spend time worshiping him, but you’ll go insane if he doesn’t put it in you soon. You touch the silky, scorching-hot skin, amazed by how small your hand looks trying to encircle his girth, earning another groan when you start to gently pump him.
“Tease,” he grits out and pulls you even closer, this time to line up his cock right under your entrance. He looks into your eyes, noses brushing, his cockhead slips around your lips, rubbing against your clit, making you shudder in need.
You want to ask who's the tease now.
“Ready?”
You nod, and he starts lowering you slowly and you give out the most shameless moan as the tip is in, while he tries not to come early.
“Gods…”
“Levi….”
He feels too hot, too thick inside you and you feel him everywhere with his arms around you. It feels like you’re drowning in him and you wonder if he feels that way too with his face buried in your neck, continuing to mark you as he tries not to thrust fully. He pulls out a little and pushed few inches in again, trying to get you accustomed to his size even when he’s desperate himself. At a particularly sensitive angle you give out a loud moan and you feel his entire body tense, then he bottoms out completely with a his groin hitting against yours, getting flustered that you’re wetting him now. With how drenched even your thighs are, he must feel it very vividly.
He waits for you to feel ready as you feel his hips twitch helplessly against you. You’re so full and stretched as his cock rests against your cervix, begging to move. He pushes the strap of whatever’s left of your gown and reveals your chest fully, looking at you hungrily before starting to suckle. You throw your head back and moan without holding anything back.
“Ahh…softer. Levi,” you tell him again, and he grasps yours waist harder but his mouth slows down, gently licking at one nipple like an apology. You feel yourself getting used to the burn and try moving a little and the unexpected pleasure draws a moan from him, for a moment he looks even more handsome, caught defenseless under the dimly lit room, as if anyone could manage to catch him defenseless. He continues to wait for you to move, thighs shaking as you ride him, getting bolder, hands on his shoulder while he drinks in your sight, completely taken in by the pleasure. You start riding him faster and faster, sliding in almost completely to the tip before bottoming out and he finally pushes you back to the bed, underneath him again. You let go, completely open and ready for him to fuck you however he wants and he doesn’t miss a beat, giving it all to you, thrusts growing borderline violent, unable to reel in his frustration anymore. You pull him closer to feel his naked body against yours, his warmth, his lips against your skin. He presses desperate kisses all over you, on any skin he can reach.
“Harder - Levi, love, yes-”
He pushes your legs further apart and pounds into you, he room filled with the obscene sounds of skin slapping on skin. You’re babbling nonsense begging for him for something you can't even comprehend, completely lost to the pleasure, all you can think of is that you want to stay under him forever as he takes his pleasure from your body, that notion is enough to get you off. Nothing should be able to separate you two.
You suddenly want to cry.
“You’ll come back to me,” the tears threaten to spill as he continues to fuck you. “Promise.”
“I will,” he rasps. “I won’t ever leave you unprotected.”
You moan into his mouth, then bury your face into his neck again, sucking and kissing, marking him back.
“Cum for me,” he whispers, almost begging, the desire to feel you cum on his cock makes him delirious. Hearing his desperation makes you clamp on him like vice and scream in pleasure and he fucks you through it, hips stuttering, threatening to come right after you.
“Fuck - need to-“
You realize he’s trying to pull out to save you from the risk. In the afterglow, you smile. You don't care what happens.
Well, that's a lie.
You want it to happen. You push him back inside with your legs around his hips and he gives out helpless moan of your name.
“I’m yours,” you whisper.
He looks high when his gaze meets yours, pupils completely blown.
“Mine,” he repeats like in a trance and gives one final thrust with his cock pushing against your cervix and goes still, and you feel him twitch inside as the warmth of his seed fills you. His beautiful face looks so peaceful as he collapses on top of you, and for the first time in years, things feel right. You slowly pet his head as he tries to catch his breath and you feel his cum leak from you, making you feel needy again. You rub yourself against his body, insatiable after years of denial, craving for a round two already and you hug him close to yourself as you wait for him to recover, wanting to give him back at least some of the feeling of security he has given you so many times while he rests against you.
“I’ll come back,” he repeats against your skin. “And if there’s a…”
He looks down, almost bashful, ashamed of his own lack of control, even though you are once again the one who has coaxed him into it. You hold his face and pull him close to you.
“You will come back to me,” you say, persistent and sure. “And if there’s a baby, that will be your little welcome gift.”
He looks at you in wonder and you feel his cock give a twitch.
“You’re certainly interested for someone who wanted to pull out,” you attempt to joke. He face morphs into something between frustrated and hungry.
“I can’t burden you like this,” he murmurs, looking guilty again. “No telling what they'll do.”
“There’s nothing they can really do other than giving me a public shaming and banishing me to the summer palace,” you smile. You have significantly more influence than you used to have as a younger princess, when you had to turn a blind eye to both of your feelings. Your parents had died soon after that night and your older brother passed away few years ago, there isn’t much anyone who can impose on you, truly. The only bothersome presence is the council that may have a hold, but at least they don’t hold the power to force you to wed or to imprison you for something like this. You don’t care about being a disgraced princess with a baby outside wedlock with your beloved knight, not after everything. There is no other way if you want to live your life with the man you love, you understand it now. You aren't afraid of being given a bad fame if the prize is this, there is no way you can turn back and pretend.
He looks a little unsure, but you can feel his growing hardness in you. With your vote of confidence, he seems more determined as well.
“Once we secure the land, this entire charade will be over,” he says, with a return of his stoic expression, but his eyes remain dark, almost delirious. “I will make sure we conquer it before the year is out. Then I will return to ask your hand.”
Your eyes widen at his words and fill with tears of happiness this time - at your beloved captain, with his darkened eyes and determination above you that would bring the world to its knees for your sake.
“And I will say yes,” you answer before pulling him into another devouring kiss.