Chapter Text
When Rey opens the door to Jonathan’s dorm room, she’s really thinking of nothing consequential.
Her paper lingers in the back of her mind, the last one she needs to write this semester before she’s finally off for college summer break. The deadline is next Wednesday, which she’ll manage if she just focuses on her work and doesn’t let herself be distracted. And then she's also meeting Rose for dinner later and somehow has to return some books to the library before that, which is annoying since it means she likely won’t manage to squeeze in a run in between.
What Rey doesn’t think about when she pushes the door to her boyfriend’s dorm open – what wouldn’t even have occurred to her in her most vivid imagination – is that she might catch him cheating.
Which is why the sight of him rutting back and forth in his bed doesn’t really register at first.
He’s naked, her brain helpfully supplies. Kinda strange for a random afternoon, but okay.
Rey simply blinks and stares as Jonathan’s bed dolly-zooms closer. After a few seconds of open-mouthed gaping, her brain finally catches up with what she’s seeing.
There’s a girl lying beneath Jonathan. A blonde girl. Her manicured fingers are tightly gripped around his upper arms and she’s moaning like her life depends on it.
Anger assembles low in Rey’s belly, so sudden and hot her vision whites out.
“What the fuck?”
Jonathan whirls around, all glassy eyes and ruffled hair. “Oh, shit – fucking shit – Rey!”
“You aren’t actually serious”, is all she manages before she turns around and runs back down the hallway.
“Wait – fuck – Rey!”, Jonathan calls behind her, but she throws open the doors to the stairway, determined to get as far away from him as possible. Tears already blur her vision.
After all they’ve experienced together – that amazing first date, all those walks around campus, those three-hour-calls and late-night-drives in his old pick-up, after trying so hard to be more open for him, after giving him her fucking virginity, after all those confessions of trust and loyalty and love, it’s happened after all:
Her boyfriend has cheated on her.
She dials Rose’s number, openly crying outside Jonathan’s building while the people passing by throw her bewildered looks.
“Jonathan – his dorm – there was a girl”, is all she manages in between her sobs, but somehow, her best friend understands.
“I’ll be there in twenty”, is all she says. “And get as far away from his building as possible.”
Jonathan blows up her phone. Missed call after missed call, and when she doesn’t pick up, a multitude of text messages.
i swear i m so sorry
that was an honest fucking mistake
look can we just talk?
Finally, Rose grabs her phone and completely turns it off.
“Tonight is for getting drunk”, she decides. “You can deal with your ex tomorrow.”
The tears are gathering again. “He isn’t my ex, though. We haven’t broken up.”
“Rey.” Rose grabs her hand and gives her a very serious look. “He broke up with you the moment he brought that girl into his room.”
After several drinks, they’re both tipsy and emotional.
“I don’t even understand how he could do that to me”, Rey sniffles. ”He said he loved me. You don’t even know how sweet he was. I’m never going to find another guy like him in my entire life!”
“You’re twenty-one, Rey. There will be plenty of other guys in your life.”
“But no one like him!”
Rose gentle rearranges her blanket. “Come. Let’s get you to sleep. You won’t resolve this tonight.”
The next day, Rey’s hungover and completely burnt out. Normally, she would have texted Jonathan a good-morning-text. Who is she going to speak to now? Who will listen to her rants about her professors or proof-read her essays? Who’s going to hold her hand while they walk across campus?
“I’ll have to face him eventually”, she tells Rose. They’re sitting at the kitchen table in Rose’s apartment and are spooning some cereal. “He’s called me more than ten times yesterday.”
“What are you going to say to him?”
Rey bites her lip. “I don’t know. I just want to hear the truth from him.”
Rose sighs. “I’ll support you no matter what you do. But honestly, don’t get back with him. You deserve a lot better.”
She doesn’t, though. Jonathan is way out of Rey’s league. Deep down, she’s always known.
He’s a tall, athletic guy who’s friends with half the campus and the life of every party. For him to ask out an introverted book-worm like her was something that she’s never really been able to wrap her head around. He’s pointed it out himself a couple of times, how odd an couple they make.
I feel like if I’ve met during freshmen year, I wouldn’t have even noticed you. You’re so…reserved. But don’t worry, I like it.
And she’s tried to be different for him. More outgoing, more spontaneous. More sexual, too. Their first time wasn’t the magical experience people sometimes make it out to be and it scared her off a little. Jonathan was so patient with her, though, never once pressuring her.
I know you want to take it slow, I respect it. You’re so different to all the other girls I’ve dated. My last ex, for example, she was crazy for sex, I barely got any sleep when I was with her.
She’s tried to make herself more attractive for him. Her inexperience has just always been blatantly obvious. She never really manages to relax throughout the act, feeling like someone is watching and judging her. Like she has to put on a good performance or something.
“I’ll just hear what he has to say”, she tells Rose.
They meet at Pavement for a coffee. Jonathan is already sitting at one of the outside tables when she arrives. He looks so good – green Ralph Lauren sweater, jeans, boat shoes, blonde hair parted in the middle as always.
“Rey, baby.” She draws away when he tries to kiss her cheek. “Honestly, thank you for meeting. I couldn’t even fucking sleep last night.”
She can’t look him in the eye. She’s scared that if she does she’ll see the image again that’s been haunting her these past twenty-four hours – Jonathan and that girl twisting around in his bed. The way the girl’s fingers were wrapped around his arm. The way he panted so loudly, louder than he’s ever been with Rey.
She blinks quickly. She’s not going to cry.
Jonathan plops back into his chair. He has a such pretty face, she can’t help but thinking it. Those bright blue eyes, those high cheek bones. Dimples when he smiles. A mother-in-law’s dream candidate.
He draws a hand through his hair. “I called you like a hundred times.”
Her throat is dry. “I know.”
“I know it seemed really bad yesterday. It was just – Jesus.” He sighs. “Look, I should have talked to you sooner, okay? It’s just, things have been fucking hectic, and Sophia’s been a really good friend these past few weeks.”
It’s like someone’s gripping their cold fingers around Rey’s throat. “Sophia? That’s her name?”
“Yeah, you know, Sophia from algebra. I told you about her.”
“You never said anything about a Sophia from algebra.”
“Okay, it must have slipped my mind. In any case, she came on to me, okay? I didn’t even fucking think, it just kind of happened. It was a stupid mistake.”
Anger pierces her lungs. “How long has it been going on?”
Jonathan widens his eyes. “It was just once, Rey! I love you, baby, you know that. I’m beating myself up about it. Please. You have to understand. I’m stressed about exams, and I had a huge fucking fight with my mom yesterday. I just needed something to take my mind off things.”
“And it didn’t occur to you to call your girlfriend?”, Rey half-screams. People at the other tables are looking over, and she hastily lowers her voice. “You should have called me, not that girl!”
“I know, I know. It’s just that…” Jonathan hesitates. “I honestly needed some release. I’m also just a guy, okay? And you’re never in the fucking mood. I know it was selfish, but she was super flirty and it was such a pleasant change and I just didn’t think that second.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”, Rey cries. “I’m never in the mood? So you cheated on me because I don’t sleep with you often enough?
“You make it sound like I’m a horrible person, fucking Christ. It’s not that simple, obviously.”
“Maybe you are a horrible person.” Her voice cracks. “You said you loved me.”
Jonathan leans forwards. “I do love you, Rey. I want this to work, okay? I’ll take you out to dinner this week and I’ll make up for it.”
“No, you won’t.” Her voice trembles, but she forces herself to keep talking. “We’re over. You can go run to your Sophia and do whatever you want with her.”
Jonathan’s face falls. “You don’t mean that, Rey.”
“I’m dead serious.”
“I said it was a mistake, didn’t I?”
She leans forward, both palms flat on the table. “You don’t make a mistake like that if you love the other person.”
“I get that you’re upset, but I can’t do anything about it now, can I? I can only apologize. I swear it’s never going to happen again. Please. We have such an amazing relationship. You’re really going to throw that away?”
Rey recalls Rose’s words from last night. “You threw it away, Jonathan”, she says as she rises to get up. “You ended this.”
He calls after her, but she never turns around.
Rey spends the next week alternating between crying and writing her stupid essay.
The essay for one of her favorite classes this year, French Fiction – she’s chosen to write about La princesse de Clèves and the notion of “retreat” inside the novel as a means to resolve conflict. Something that she would normally have loved doing, but faced with acute heartbreak, it’s impossible to focus on her work. Like clockwork, her thoughts always turn back to that moment she stepped into Jonathan’s room. To that girl beneath him, moaning his name. She wishes she could simply erase her memory of it.
Her phone beeps with a message. Rey jumps, thinking for a nonsensical second that it might be Jonathan. But it’s just Rose.
is that party at your brother’s place still on?
Poe, Rey’s older brother, is throwing a summer-is-about-to-begin-party tonight (as he has christened it himself), but Rey’s not in the mood to go. It will be mostly Poe’s friends, anyways, and while most of them are super nice, it’s not like she’ll miss out on anything if she doesn’t attend.
Rose and her roommate Kaydel really want to go to, however. They say it would be good for Rey to get her mind off the break-up. They might be right – if she doesn’t do anything tonight, she’ll probably just rot in bed and eat take-out.
sure, she texts back. up for coffee later?
“It’s going to be a horrible summer”, Rose complains. They’re at Café Landwer, sipping their coffees. “My Dad is basically moving to Jacksonville for work the next few months. I thought that Mom might take us on a trip somewhere, but she’s decided to go with him? I’ll be forced to just stay here the entire summer at this point.”
“Why don’t you just go down there as well? I’m sure your parents would love having you around”, Rey suggests.
“And spend my summer in Jacksonville? No thanks.”
“Don’t they have nice beaches?”
“Pah. Plenty of places do.”
“In case it makes you feel better, by summer isn’t exactly looking great either”, Rey says darkly. “I’d planned to go up to Cape Cod with Jonathan to meet his parents. I don’t even know what I’m going to do now. I’ll just have to move back home for the next few months until I find a place.”
“What is Poe doing? Does he have any plans yet?”
Rey scrunches her nose. “Probably doing something with his friend group. They always go on crazy trips.”
In that moment, Rose inhales sharply. “Oh my fucking god. Whatever you do, don’t turn around.”
They’ve trained extensively for scenarios like this. When someone say “don’t turn around”, you don’t turn around. Rey forces herself to keep looking at Rose. “What is it?”
“Okay. I’m going to tell you something right now and I want you to keep very calm, okay? Promise me that you won’t freak out.”
“What, Rose?”
“Jonathan and that girl just walked in.”
Rey spins around on her chair faster than humanly possible.
It’s like a repetition of that moment in his dorm room. Time seems to slow down; across the room, Jonathan’s face comes into view. And then Jonathan’s arm, and then Jonathan’s hand, and finally another hand lying in his. Attached to a short, pretty blonde girl.
“That little fucker”, Rose breathes.
Rey can only stare. Jonathan and the girl he’s cheated on her with – Sophia – are walking around as if they’re some romantic couple on a holiday.
Holding hands. Openly. For everyone to see.
He locks eyes with her. Even from the distance, Rey feels as if she’s suddenly being pinned down into her seat by his stare. His face hardens when he recognizes her. He turns and presses a kiss right to the girl’s mouth.
“I think I’m going to be sick”, Rey says, strangled.
Rose is already getting up. “Let’s get out of here.”
Rey looks back once more as they leave. Jonathan has his arms wrapped around the girls while he kisses her, one hand in her hair, the other moving down to her butt. Making his point.
Suck a fucking asshole.
“He’s such a fucking asshole!”, Rey exclaims. “He did that on purpose to hurt me!”
“Good thing you’re rid of him.” Kaydel, Rose’s roommate and one of their good friends, raises her wine glass. “Here’s to Rey breaking up with her shitty ex.”
“Hear, hear!” Rose clinks her glass to Kaydel’s. “And to getting drunk!”
“And to hooking up with Rey’s hot brother later!”
“Hey!”, Rey exclaims. “Poe’s taken!”
“Fine, to hooking up with Rey’s hot brother’s hot friends later!”
The three of them are pregaming for Poe’s party in Rose’s and Kaydel’s apartment. They live off-campus in Fenway and their place is not too far from Poe’s apartment so it works out perfectly.
Poe’s seven years older than Rey, but despite their age difference, they’ve always been really close. He moved all the way across the country to Boston after he got accepted into Harvard; during the holidays, he’d come back home to Arizona wearing his college sweaters and talk about his classes and all the people he’s meeting and how different Boston is to Phoenix. When Rey later got accepted at Boston University, it was a no-brainer to follow Poe all the way to New England.
She likes having her brother around. Whenever her dorm room gets too small, she can just crash at his place; he’s currently helping her look for a flat somewhere so that she can finally live off-campus. She should already have done that last year, really, but she’d just gotten together with Jonathan back then. It had made so much sense to keep living in the dorm.
Ugh. Jonathan again. Why does she keep thinking about him? Why can't she just forget that he ever even existed?
“All right, girlies.” Kaydel has finished her glass and jumps up. “Let’s join the party!”
Rey downs the last sips of her drinks. Maybe partying is the best option right now. She really needs to take her mind off things.
Poe genuinely has the nicest apartment in the entire world. Not only does it have a completely functional kitchen, a noticeable absence of rats, and two full-scale bedrooms– he also has a balcony, which is perfect for parties like tonight.
The music is already playing loudly when the three of them arrive. Poe opens the door and ushers them inside, wrapping one arm around Rey’s shoulder. “I never liked that guy anyways”, he comments loudly. “Good riddance to him.”
Rey shoves him off. She doesn’t need some cringy speech from her brother. “Whatever, you didn’t even really know him.”
“Do we ever truly know other people?”, he asks in a heavy tone. Rey rolls her eyes, but she has to grin.
“Come, some drinks for you ladies.” He leads them to the kitchen that’s already full of people. Rey says hi to some of Poe’s friends that she knows and secures a beer for herself.
“Oh hiiiii!” Kaydel hugs some guy from their college. “I haven’t seen you in for-ever! What have you been up to? Wait - have you been working out? Look at your arms!”
“That girl is on a mission tonight”, Rose whispers to Rey before Poe leads them over to the living room where they’re talked into joining a game of rage cage.
It doesn’t take Rey long to feel tipsy, and before midnight she’s confident to say that she’s drunk. It doesn’t help with her mood though. That terrible ball of sadness still lingers in her stomach and the memory of Jonathan sleeping with that girl plays on repeat in her mind.
“I need some fresh air”, she murmurs to Rose who’s currently locked in a serious game of beer pong with Poe and Hux, one of Poe’s friends from Harvard. Rose nods absent-mindedly and Rey slips out to the balcony.
The fresh air does her some good. Some other people are standing on the balcony in groups, but she wants a moment of solitude. She sinks down into one of the chairs and rests her chin on the cold railing. Her head lolls slightly to the side.
God, she’s drunk.
“Careful”, someone murmurs to her side. “You don’t want to topple over.”
Rey turns her head and is faced with Ben Solo leaning against the railing next to her, the wind messing up his hair.
“Oh, hey”, she says. “I was wondering where you are.”
A small smile plays around his lips. “You were? Why?”
“Just…” Rey gestures towards the room and tries her best not to slur her words too much. Ben loves correcting people on their mispronunciations and she doesn’t want to give him even more of an ego trip. “You’re Poe’s best friend, and you never miss his parties.”
“I just arrived. Had to work late.” His voice is low and soft as always. He seriously should have a look into audiobook narration or something.
“Why, were you meeting the president? Invitation to the White House?”
“No, just regular stuff. Even though I did phone a Senator earlier.”
Rey rolls her eyes. “I hope your mother’s doing well.”
Ben’s eyes crinkle when his smile broadens. “She is, thank you.”
Ben Solo is her brother’s best friend and as fancy as they come. On paper, he’s supposed to be a complete asshole. It begins with his pedigree – his mother is Senator Leia Organa, his grandmother was an US ambassador, and his uncle founded Solo Companies, one of the leading companies in the semiconductor industry. It continues with the fact that he just graduated from HBS and now probably makes a gazillion dollars per month working in finance. And it ends with his looks: that elegant, aristocratic face, that plush black hair, those dark, perceptive eyes, the understated luxury clothes he always wears, that silver watch on his wrist or just his constant half-smile, as if he’s five steps ahead of you in every conversation.
Yes, on paper, Ben Solo is supposed to be some arrogant finance guy.
In reality, however, he’s one of the nicest people Rey has ever met. He usually hangs out at Poe’s place whenever Rey comes over and she’s grown to like him. He’s always interested in her, asking about her studies or her life even though it must seem terribly boring to him – he’s busy flying around the globe, after all, meeting important rich people in luxurious hotels and fancy restaurants. (At least, that’s what Rey imagines his life to be.)
“How are you doing?” Ben leans closer to her. “School’s out for the summer. You’re going to enjoy your freedom?”
Oh, summer. That summer that she’s planned to spent in Cape Cod with Jonathan. The tears well up again. “No”, Rey whines. “My summer is going to be terrible.”
Ben cocks his head. “And why is that?”
“Ugh, you don’t even want know.”
“Humor me.”
“I broke up with my boyfriend”, she declares dramatically.
Ben’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh?”
“Yeah.” Rey pushes herself away from the railing and stares at Ben towering over her. “Can you believe that? He said he loved me and then he just went ahead and cheated on me.”
Ben crouches down before her chair. He’s so tall that she still has to look up at him to meet his eyes. “I’m really sorry”, he says softly.
“Whatever!” She lets her head fall to the side. Everything feels kind of numb, that’s how drunk she is. “I tried to be a really good girlfriend. It didn’t even matter. He wants a really outgoing girl, you know? Like some super flirty and confident girl that doesn’t let him fall sleep because she wants so much sex or something.”
His lip twitches in contempt. “He said that?”
“Basically”, she sniffles.
Ben’s voice has a certain bite to it. “You’re perfectly fine as you are, Rey. If he can’t see that then it’s his loss.”
“But I don’t want to be perfectly fine! I want to make him jealous! He thinks that I’m boring and stuck-up! I genuinely tried to be really, really good for him!”
“And I’m sure you were”, Ben murmurs. “Really, really good.”
She glares at him. “You don’t need to make fun of me.”
His eyes twinkle. “I would never.”
Rey huffs in annoyance. Ben probably thinks that her problems are something out of a ridiculous teenage soap opera. “Have you ever even broken up with someone?”
“Yeah.” Ben laughs, as if she’s said something funny. “You’re really drunk, aren’t you?”
“And have you ever been cheated on?”
He hesitates. “Not that I know of.”
She sits up taller and gives him a stern look. “Have you ever cheated on somebody?”
Ben shakes his head. “No. Never.”
“Hm.” She crosses her arms. “I always see you with different girls, though.”
“Why am I being questioned right now, exactly?”
“I’m just trying to prove the point that you guys are all the same.”
“Careful, you sound a little cynical.”
“Yeah, well, I think I have a right to be.”
“Come.” He holds out a hand. “Let’s get you some water.”
“Noooo.” She makes herself heavy when Ben tries to help her up. “I have a plan, you want to hear it?”
He resigns and sinks back down to his knees. "Tell me about your plan."
She leans forwards and says in a conspiratorial voice: “I’m going to make Jonathan super jealous. I’m literally going to date all of the cutest guys on campus and rub it in his face. He thinks he can hurt me by flaunting that girl in front of me, but I’ll show him.”
“I see.” Ben does not seem too convinced.
“I’m going to go out with all of his best friends”, she continues, slurring her words. “He’ll be so shocked. I can’t wait to see his face.”
“How about we get you to bed first? I think you need to sleep off the alcohol.”
“I don’t want to go to sleep! I want to get revenge!”
“Famous last words”, he mutters. “If you want revenge so badly, I can go over and deal with him. What’s his name again, Joshua?”
“I don’t need your help! I’m going to do it on my own, just watch me.”
“Come. You need to go to bed.” He finally manages to get her to stand and leads her inside where the party is still in full swing.
Poe appears at her side. “Everything okay with her?”
“You sister had too much to drink”, Ben tells him. “I think she needs to go lie down.”
“Right, I’m afraid Finn fell asleep in my bed, you just want to put her in the guest room? There’s water in the kitchen…”
“But you’re sleeping in the guest room”, Rey whines to Ben as he is maneuvering her down the hallway to Poe’s spare bedroom. “I don't want to steal your bed! I’ll just crash at Rose’s place! Let me call an Uber!”
“Don't you worry about me. I’ll sleep on the couch”, Ben murmurs behind her. “Just drink your water and stay put.”
She sinks down into the sheets. Tomorrow, she’ll probably be embarrassed about her behavior, but tonight, she simply doesn’t care. “I really loved him”, she sniffles. “I don’t even know what to do now.”
Ben’s cool fingers ghost over her forehead as he strokes the hair back from her face. “Just forget about that idiot”, he advises her softly. “And stay away from other guys. They’re all trouble.”
She hears the door creak as he leaves the room. Soon, she’s fast asleep.