Archive of Our Own

Louis sighed, his mug clinking on the counter when he set it down as he caught sight of a freshly showered Harry casually strolling back to his room naked. He gripped the edges of the counter and closed his eyes while the clean scent of the alpha bombarded him. It was tiring to be as annoyed as he usually was so he’d learned that resigned was a better choice. It was easier to deal with when he pushed back the details and emotions of their complicated situation. 

His annoyance still bloomed as he felt his underwear damp with his slick again and he couldn’t go to work like that. It was happening more often and he knew he was going to have to give in soon or he would set off a full blown heat that he didn’t have time to deal with. 

“Fuck,” he swore out as he fought with himself. If he took care of it now, he wouldn’t have to worry about slicking his pants during his shift which was a pro, the con was having to face Harry. The alpha would be naked for at least the next 10 minutes as he picked out his clothes and air dried as he always did. It was a good opportunity so he didn’t have to initiate the awkward removal of clothing.

He groaned as he gave in, stomping like a toddler tantrum in his head as he dragged himself towards Harry’s room. Of course his door was wide open and of course he was still completely nude. He looked up at Louis when he came in and froze in surprise. Louis never knew how to start these encounters without opening a can of worms, so he walked over to the bed and pulled off his work polo and folded it on the bedside table so it wouldn’t get sweaty or gross. He then dropped his pants and crawled up onto the mattress. 

Louis knew what he looked like when he presented just like this. He’d seen pictures and taken notes. He dropped his shoulders down for the perfect arch of his back and spread his knees so everything was on display. 

“Now?” Harry squeaked out from where he was still frozen. 

Louis wiggled his ass in the air and purred so he wouldn’t have to use words to give Harry permission. Harry swore and the mattress dipped behind him. He mewled in approval when he felt Harry’s warm tongue lick through his slick. At least the alpha was skilled when it came to all things mating and sex related. It made Louis resent him even more that he was good at it. 

Harry was so quiet that sometimes Louis almost forgot he was in the apartment which made his string of curses and muttered praise so out of character. Louis unconsciously recognized that this was the only time the real Harry slipped through the cracks and he craved those glimpses of the boy that was his best friend. 

Kneeling behind him, Harry placed one warm palm on the small of Louis’ back and then guided his hard cock in. It was always a pleasant stretch when it had been a long time and Louis loved how it felt. He pushed back against it and heard Harry hiss, the fingers pressed into his back curling. 

“Shit,” Harry groaned, free hand getting a good grip on his hip as he slowly pulled back and then pushed in. “Do you have time?” 

He knew what Harry was asking and no, he really didn’t have time to take his knot, but he still nodded where his face was buried in Harry’s sheets. He would probably be late for work and still he couldn’t say no when Harry offered to knot him. It wasn’t always on the table and Louis needed to take it. That’s why he was in here. His body was begging for it and wouldn’t stop until he gave in. Harry’s hand slid up his back to his neck, fingers splaying out as they slid through his hair. The gentle pressure pushing him down made Louis desperate for the scent that saturated Harry’s bed. 

Harry really started to fuck him then in just the way he needed. The friction distracted all the thoughts right out of his head and he just laid there and took what Harry gave him. Being able to turn everything off was something only Harry could do for him. He’d never admit it out loud, but he still trusted Harry to take care of him. He knew deep down nothing Harry had done was intentional even if it was Harry’s fault they were in this position at all. They’d both only been kids, but Harry had been the one to bite him. 

Grazing his stomach, Harry’s hand slid around from his hip and then down to wrap around his cock. Sometimes Louis didn’t like Harry touching his cock, but today he needed it. He needed to hand everything over to the alpha. He shouldered so much on his own in their unconventional arrangement and it really wore on him. There was a glimpse of peace when he gave up that control. 

Harry was easy to read when he was close. So calm and controlled in every aspect of his life, this was when he really let go. His grunts as he kept his thrusts tight and deep were the only warning Louis needed. If he knew Harry was going to pull out, this was the point where he would feel the pang in his chest. This time he knew what he was getting and whined for it. 

The way Harry’s hips stuttered as his knot expanded was the same as it had been the first time it happened when he was fourteen. It was one of the quirks about him that never changed and there was something so pure about it. It was familiar. 

Louis came just as Harry sunk his teeth into the scar of his bond mark at the base of his neck. It had stretched with age and still didn’t quite line up with Harry's bite now. A second bite matching the first was imprinted in Louis’ skin after Harry’s teeth repeatedly broke the skin over the years. It stood out more than other bond marks and people always had questions. Louis would be furious at him later for biting into it again, but for now he let his body roll with the waves that made him feel so insanely good. 

When the euphoria started to drop came the part where Louis began to struggle. He came to his senses and his instinct was to push Harry away from him. Being tied, he couldn’t. It would only physically hurt them both to try something like that. With great effort, Louis had to push down the anxiety and anger that mixed in his chest. Harry had moved them to their sides as Louis came down and now he was very aware of Harry’s body surrounding him. Harry tensed and Louis knew the moment had shifted. They were back to what they usually were. 

Louis didn’t wait for Harry’s knot to fully deflate before he pulled himself off with an uncomfortable but not painful stretch. He muttered about being late for work and didn’t make eye contact as he collected his clothes and popped into the bathroom for a rinse off before he was out the door. 

Stocking shelves wasn’t Louis’ dream job, but it was what he had. There were very limited options for a bonded omega to earn a degree in anything and Louis’ grades had never been high enough to present a case for an exception when they would have been enough as a single young omega. Add it to the long list of things he’d been cheated out of because Harry was stupid. 

“Why doesn’t your alpha stop by to see you while you’re working?” Dorace asked as they unboxed bottles of lotion and lined them up on the shelf. She was older and worked part time to bridge the gap between her social security checks. Louis always did double the work on days they were scheduled together so she could take it easy. 

“He’s probably busy,” Louis shrugged and turned so his expression wouldn’t give him away. Fingers against his collar made him jump. 

“Two bonds? You’re too young to have a second bond mate.”

Louis closed his eyes and sighed. He hated when this came up and avoided his origin story at all costs. If it was anyone else, Louis would shut the subject down, deflect and move the conversation forward. With Dorace, there was never any judgement. 

“We were young the first time,” Louis simply shrugged, “We grew.” 

It was the truth even if he left out a lot of context. 

“So you knew it was love early on then?” 

He wasn’t sure he had a good answer. He didn’t want to lie, but the truth was embarrassing. 

“Something like that,” he agreed. 

In a way, it wasn’t wrong. Harry had been his best friend since he moved in down the street when they were small. They were only a year apart and spent the summers bouncing between houses and annoying their parents the way that young boys do. All he had were sisters and Harry felt like a brother to him, finally having another boy in the neighborhood his age. Maybe it was being so close in the first place that was their downfall, but it had been instant and strong. It hadn’t been romantic love at that time, but Louis had always been drawn to Harry in ways he didn’t have the words to describe. 

“Well I’m glad you found your soulmate early,” she patted his shoulder and moved on to the next box. There were some in his family that said the same thing. It was just too hard for him to give in to that model. They were too young to know anything. 

It was just after Harry’s eighth birthday when both of their classes were out at recess together and they took over the small swing set that wasn’t as popular. Louis had just turned nine a month before and was one grade ahead of Harry. They still shared outdoor time after lunch together on most days which was nice. 

“Do you think it hurts to get a bond mark?” Louis asked one day. Looking down at the toes of his shoes as they burrowed into the mulch beneath the swings was a vivid picture burned into his memory even at his age. Everything was a strong memory from that day. The wind, the temperature, the dull cloudy sunlight — everything. 

“I don’t know. Think it hurts more than biting your arm?” Harry asked as he lifted his forearm and gave it a good bite. 

“Dunno. There was blood in that movie my mom made me turn off.” 

Harry wrinkled his nose and Louis shrugged. The place around his neck felt soft but not soft enough for teeth to bite through when he raised his fingers to press on the spot. 

“I think you have to be an omega like my mom to bleed,” Harry supplied the information, “She has a scar.” 

“It sounds like it hurts if it leaves a scar, don’t you think?” 

Harry shrugged. “We could bite each other to see what it feels like?” 

“Yeah, I want to know,” Louis nodded as he pushed himself back and forth on the swing just enough that his feet never left the ground. “Do you?” 

Harry got up from his swing to walk around behind Louis like he was about to push him. 

“Where do you want me to do it?” Harry asked, steadying Louis with a hand on his back. Louis pulled down his collar and tilted his head to the side. 

“Right there I guess,” Louis shrugged and then braced himself for what he assumed wouldn’t feel great. 

Harry leaned forward, cold nose brushing Louis’ bare skin before he felt warm breath. It made goosebumps prickle his arms and he closed his eyes to the shiver it caused. Maybe it didn’t feel so bad afterall. Harry’s teeth clamped down and Louis gasped like the wind was knocked out of him. He hadn’t been expecting Harry’s teeth to sink into his skin like a ripe peach. 

Harry let go and stumbled back a few steps in shock, the two of them existing in a vacuum as Louis turned around and saw the red tinge of blood on his lips. He could feel uncomfortably cold drips of it against his shoulder and he was overwhelmed. Inside he was crying and screaming with dramatic heavy sobs and on the outside he was blank. The new energy between them moved and stretched like a rubber band bubble, sound reaching them like they were underwater. 

Something jolted Louis at the same time that Harry was yanked further away from him and then he could feel the screams leaving his throat. They were torn away from each other by teachers and Louis was taken directly to the school nurse. She tried to dab at Louis’ wound with a solution that burned through his veins and he hissed at her as he fought her hands away. Later he’d learned that Harry had been taken to the teacher’s lounge where they’d nearly tied him down to keep him in place and away from Louis. 

He was exhausted by the time his parents arrived. Louis had calmed down quite a bit and didn’t know why they needed to call his parents over a little blood. He was fine but wouldn’t mind getting out of school if he had an excuse. He played into the injury so they would take him home for a free day. 

It wasn’t exactly the romantic soulmate story people wanted to believe when they found out he was mated young. They hadn’t even fully grasped what secondary genders even were yet or what it meant to be bonded. It wasn’t the passion driven impulse of children destined to be together. Bonding before presentation was extremely rare and usually happened with strong soulmate connections or arranged marriages. 

At first, Louis was excited that he got to see Harry even more often. There was a heaviness around the house in those first few weeks and their parents had to have a big meeting about how to handle their situation. Since they were so young, neither of them had the skills or experience to manage their separation anxiety and it was something neither sets of parents knew how to handle. 

From that point forward, each family gained a child. Like a custody arrangement, the pair switched houses on different days of the week so they didn’t have to spend nights apart. For weeks before the arrangement was made, during the day most things felt normal to Louis, but at night, he would have major panic attacks and couldn’t fall asleep for more than a few minutes at a time before he startled himself awake. Harry was much the same and tried to leave the house to get to Louis on his own enough times in the middle of the night that everyone agreed it wasn’t safe. 

It became normal to have Harry in his bed or to wake up in his. They continued to be best friends, innocently not knowing the gravity of what they had done. It was like a sleepover every night for a while.

Louis came home from work late and emotionally exhausted. The job wasn’t difficult, but it was draining to throw on his fake customer service act for hours at a time when he’d rather be anywhere else. 

He kicked off his shoes and stumbled his way to his room by the light of the stupid night lights Harry insisted on putting everywhere in their apartment. Tossing his shirt towards the wall, he dropped his pants and burrowed straight into his bed. For half his shift Louis had been dreaming of finally being able to shower after feeling Harry slowly leaking out of him for hours. From day one Harry had always filled him so full and there were times when he would have enjoyed the reminder soaking into his underwear. Now he was overly aware of their scents strongly mixing together there since he’d caught Harry bring a pair to his nose after they’d knotted the night before. Louis liked the scent, but couldn’t trust that he liked it on his own or if their bond conditioned him to like it. 

Louis preferred the soft cotton panties over the standard boxers and briefs. Maybe it was because he’d been bonded so young, but his omega parts were very sensitive and easily irritated by rough fabrics. Louis had to put up a tough exterior and this was one of the only ways he indulged in the softer side of his secondary gender. Of course Harry knew what kind he wore and he knew that Harry liked it. He would normally be petty enough to stop wearing them just because of that, but they were for himself first. He wouldn’t let Harry take another thing away from him. 

As much as Louis hated everything, he was glad Harry didn’t hate the way they smelled together. Louis was there the first time Harry popped his knot at fourteen and Harry had mumbled about their scents for ages as the cause of it finally happening. 

He kicked his dirty panties off and then didn’t feel right either, tossing and turning until he knew he was never going to get to sleep. This was the annoying part of an unwanted bond. He wanted nothing more than to be dead to the world for a full eight hours alone in his bed and his biology wouldn’t give it to him. 

With a groan, he grudgingly dragged himself out of bed with his jersey comforter wrapped around his shoulders like a cape and stomped across the hall to Harry’s bedroom. Unlike Louis, he always kept his door open knowing this would happen. Louis could usually manage three to four nights per week on his own. He could spend the others on his own if he wanted to, he just wouldn’t get any sleep that would set off his long term insomnia. It was the worst when Harry had his job at the bar and wouldn’t get home until 4am. Now he just gave in to it. It wasn’t worth making his life more miserable. 

Harry was curled up on his side snoring as he usually was when Louis approached the bed. They both liked to sleep naked so it was good that they both burritoed themselves up in their blankets as they slept. It meant that he didn’t have to press his body against Harry’s as he crawled in and fitted himself in to spoon. Even when they were knotted, being held wasn’t his preference. He didn’t feel as restricted when he was the one to wrap his arms around Harry. 

With his own comforter, he snuggled himself in against Harry’s back so his nose was tucked just under Harry’s hairline where his scent was strongest behind his ear. It was instantly calming and made it easier for his body to relax towards sleep. 

There was always a sense of relief when he woke up in Harry’s bed to find him already gone for the day. He was an early riser and now worked during the day which was why Louis worked nights. With their opposite schedules, Louis didn’t have to awkwardly run into him as much as when they were both home. 

And the thing was, they weren’t strangers even though sometimes they only saw each other in passing. Louis still knew more about Harry than any other person and he never feared being alone with him. They sometimes wound up on the couch together with the tv on and ate together when Harry cooked a full meal. They could even talk if they ignored the giant elephant that was always in the room. Waking up next to each other naked made it more difficult to not acknowledge everything that happened in between. They both knew those conversations never ended well. One of their blowout fights happened not long after they’d moved into their apartment and the cops were called out to their embarrassment. After that, they’d both gone out of their way to avoid discussing those areas of their life together. They were stuck together and they just had to deal with it. 

Part of living with it was dealing with the constant hormone pushes his body sent to him the longer he went without letting Harry truly mate him. Bonding before puberty had reprogramed his biological clock and it was ticking faster. His suppressant shots helped mute the mini cycles but didn’t stop how horny it made him. It was easy to tell when one was coming on, sometimes just weeks apart or even days. He hated the way that just being curled up in Harry’s bed surrounded by Harry’s scent was enough to get him hard on the days his body hated him. 

He turned and buried his nose in Harry’s pillow and breathed him in. Alone he allowed himself to indulge in the high it gave him while acting like it was a chore for Harry to fuck him when he was actually there. Deep down they both accepted their sexual compatibility which was why it kept happening, but neither one would ever willingly admit it. 

Here in the solitude of Harry’s light coloured bedroom decor and delicate flower patterned sheets, Louis gave in and turned his hips to grind into the soft cotton. It felt good against the underside of his cock as he humped against the mattress. It reminded Louis of the times he’d pushed Harry down and fucked him instead. 

The first time had been in the middle of one of the biggest fights they’d ever had when things started falling apart. 

“You’re pissed we bonded because you want to fuck other people?” Harry had yelled at him in disbelief. “That’s what you want?” 

“I’ll never have that option!” Louis screamed back. It had been going on for ages by the time their voices had risen to this level. “What if I wanted to see if I liked fucking another omega? I can’t! I’m fucking stuck taking your alpha cock!”

“You want to fuck something?” Harry asked as he narrowed his eyes, fuming. “Then fuck me. You don’t need an omega to know what it’s like to fuck.”

They’d been small mischievous boys together and that came out when the fight came to them wrestling on Harry’s bed in his childhood bedroom. Somehow Louis had won and pinned Harry’s wrists behind his back and held him down by straddling his thighs. 

Using his own slick, Louis forced himself in, biting the meat of Harry’s shoulder to keep himself from coming too fast. He thought it might feel more like getting head rather than the tight heat it was. It gave him an appreciation of Harry’s skill at controlling himself if it always felt like that. 

They usually only did it after fighting, Louis having always been the more dominant of the pair. They never talked about it, but never pushed it away when it happened. He could always tell Harry liked taking it. 

Louis didn’t push away the memories of it that flooded his mind either. Rutting down into the bed, he thought about the last time and the way he’d bent him over this very bed. Urges to instigate a fight with Harry started popping up as he thought about how long ago that had been. They both picked at each other a lot over little stupid things that came with sharing an apartment, but not usually far enough to get to that. 

He came on Harry’s sheets thinking about all the marks Harry had all over his shoulders from Louis fucking him, all of them giving him the same pride and possessiveness an alpha would have over an omega’s mark. Louis knew how to make Harry his omega when he wanted to which made them even more sexually compatible. 

Later that evening he watched Harry carry his bedsheets to the washer without any mentioning why. Louis smirked to himself and pretended to scroll through his phone. 

Louis hated going back to their hometown. It was always an awkward car ride, neither speaking for hours in the same energy that always swelled when they had to see their families. Their families knew their arrangement, but they didn’t really know. They never talked about it with anyone else and there was a general assumption that they were being conservative until they could afford a real bonding ceremony as adults. It was always expected that they’d have a formal one once they were grown. 

It was exhausting to stay on the warm side of civil to each other in front of everyone. They threw a party for Harry’s birthday and Louis knew it would just be drama if he didn’t come. He also knew that he might have an anxiety attack if he was left alone in the apartment while knowing Harry was hours away. The separation anxiety was something that Louis had never been able to fully conquer. He’d grown to be settled enough with larger gaps between them or just sleeping in the same apartment, but not enough for Harry to leave the city without him. Confusion and chaos had been the energy of their bond and Louis could still feel the stab through his heart he felt when they were separated from each other directly after their accidental bond happened as kids. Maybe that played a role in Louis’ resentment as well. He hated that he still felt the same pain being separated from his alpha today as did in those first moments. He wouldn’t have been hurt like that if Harry hadn’t bit him, he wouldn’t still be hurting now if Harry hadn’t bit him. 

Being back in Harry’s old bedroom in the basement was always like walking into the past. His parents hadn’t changed a thing about the walls and decorations with some of Harry’s old things still scattered about. The only difference was the new linens that now made this their guest bedroom and the lived in feel that now was sterile. The shadows of all the memories he had here still hung around the room and wrapped him up in a warm hug of the times when he was carefree and happy. 

He could never deny how happy and sated those first nights they’d shared together as bonded kids had been. There wasn’t anything sexual about it back then, they were best friends who now shared an emotional link they were too young to understand. He’d been so excited to have endless sleepovers with his best friend and someone to stay up with all night playing video games and sneaking snacks. 

The beginning of everything else were all good memories too. Because they were bonded so young, puberty came to them early, their bodies urging them to mate. Harry was eleven and Louis was twelve the first time they had sex right there in Harry’s bed on top of his Scooby Doo comforter. They experienced all of their bodies’ changes together from their first wet dreams to how good it felt to touch and explore each other. Their parents never stopped them, but did take them both to get suppressant implants in their arms as soon as they caught on. Louis hated the way those made him smell, but he grew used to it back then. 

Those were in the times that Louis wanted it all just as much as Harry did. He parted his legs willingly and begged for it all the time. He still got off thinking about the first time Harry ever knotted him. They’d been messing around in other ways for years before that and it was still a life altering moment for him that he remembered in crystal clear detail. They’d both wanted it and they’d both loved it. They were much simpler times, even if their families could tell the bond had been fully sealed the first time they emerged from Harry’s room after that. There was no way they couldn’t already tell things were happening every day and yet that was what made Louis blush. 

But that was also around the time the consequences of their actions started to sink in for Louis and everything started to remind him of it. He was barely fifteen and so many experiences had been taken from him before he could knowingly consent. Harry would be the only alpha he’d ever have sex with. He would never get to experience dating. If he wanted kids, they would be with Harry. He would never have a chance to figure out what he wanted in life as an individual. It was always him and Harry. It always would be him and Harry. That festered into resentment and Louis started sleeping on the couch in Harry’s basement while Harry stayed in his bed separated by just a wall. He hated Harry and everything he’d stolen from him for a long time. 

But bonds were strong and Louis didn’t have the luxury of a normal breakup. Harry fought for them at first, begging Louis to rethink things until eventually he just stopped. He stopped fighting for them and the future they could have had. He gave up and Louis could feel the way he withdrew. It left a void in Louis that Harry now hated their bond the same way he did, that he’d been the one to drive Harry to hate it. 

Harry should hate it. Harry should be just as mad that they’d done something so monumental when they were too young to make that decision. Girls were usually where alpha interests were and Harry was stuck with some childhood playmate. The alpha Harry grew into was attractive and desirable by most standards and he was amazing in bed. He had the whole package and he never even had the chance to try to pull some beautiful omega woman with big tits and an ass better than his. 

Even if he knew that’s what Harry should want, Louis still had an intense streak of jealousy run through him at even the thought of Harry being with someone else. He hated that he hated it and couldn’t separate himself from the bond. He hated that he didn’t want Harry to do the exact thing he wanted Harry to do. It was always complicated when it came to them. Layers had been braided together through their history and there was no way it would be possible to untangle it all now. They were what they were and both of them had accepted it. 

Sometimes when Louis let his guard down, he remembered how giddy he always felt with Harry when they were younger. He loved their bond and it made him feel like he might burst with it. Usually he scoffed at those memories and convinced himself it was just a fake effect from the hormones. Other times, he let himself remember what that was like, before he was jaded and closed off. 

The stars on the ceiling of Harry’s old bedroom brought him back to that first time and how it had been such a shift in their relationship. He escaped from the party to lie down with a bit of a wine headache and stared above him. They were such simple decorations, nothing special. They were the same glow in the dark stars that could be picked up anywhere, but the specific constellations of those stars were like a key to unlock everything associated with them. 

His childhood hadn’t been bad and even his bond with Harry felt completely normal and comfortable to him. So much was negative in his life now and he yearned for those years when he thought being bonded to his best friend was great. He stared at those stars the first time he got head and the first time Harry knotted him while re-biting their bond. Also so many other times Harry pounded into him while he was nearly folded in half with Harry’s deceiving strength. He knew those stars well in both daylight and glowing green when all the lights were off.

Harry’s hair kept getting longer during that time and his skin still prickled with goosebumps remembering the tickle of it against his collarbone. 

The more he thought about it, the more attention moved south until his headache wasn’t even on his radar. He pulled his dick out and allowed himself to fall into the familiar feeling of the danger of anyone in Harry’s family walking in on him. They’d been caught so many times for various reasons, but so many of them because Harry’s bedroom door wouldn’t lock. He knew it still didn’t. 

Now that they weren’t teenagers and Louis was doing this alone, he wondered what someone would think or say if they found him cock in hand in the guest room. 

The door opened and he should have been startled but caught his scent first. 

“I came to check on you but it looks like you’re fine,” Harry said as he hesitated at the door, fist still gripping the knob. Louis locked eyes with him and pushed his jeans down his thighs. Harry slowly closed the door and Louis saw it twitch in his pants where he was already getting hard. 

He remembered how fascinated Harry always was looking at him when they first started experimenting and played into the headspace he was already in. He had such vivid memories here that he felt like a teenager again with nothing to hide. Stripped from the waist down, Louis planted his feet spread wide on the mattress and then parted his thighs. He would be perfectly fine fucking himself, but he would much rather if Harry took the bait and destroyed him the way he used to when he was a horny teenager. The setting was right. 

Harry swore under his breath and quickly stripped down, muttering a few more as he crawled onto the bed. Sometimes Louis liked knowing he had such a power over Harry when he felt so powerless everywhere else. He knew exactly what he was doing to the alpha and continued since he liked to feel wanted just as much

Bumping his hand away, Harry took Louis in his mouth with no warning which made him gasp and instinctually grip Harry’s hair. He moaned around him and let Louis push his head down until he felt the back of his throat clench tightly around the tip. His thighs visibly shook and he thrust up, unable to control himself. Harry sputtered but let it happen and Louis had the urge to push him over and fuck him instead. 

He was already so wet, though, and he needed something inside him to finish out his fantasy from the past. He urged him up and Harry didn’t need much prompting. They were face to face then and there was a small moment that passed between. Their eyes locked and so much was exchanged in an instant when their bond clicked into place with the connection. It was rare for them to do this face to face now and just being in this position brought them both to the days when they’d fully leaned into every aspect of their bond. They’d indulged in their puppy love stage enough to have that same feeling bubble to the surface now. He pulled Harry down and kissed him, wrapping his legs around his hips to nudge him forward. 

“Baby,” Harry muttered against Louis’ lips while he directed the head of his cock to the right place. Harry didn’t usually call him baby, but he did back then. They always used pet names. It made a shiver run through Louis’ nerves and he let out a whine in response. He would have clamped his hand over his mouth for letting it slip out if Harry didn’t push into him fully at the same time. Harry was thicker now than their first time knotting, but he’d always been long and that was something he remembered clearly. Harry’s knot kept him so deep that he felt like it might burst through him. Louis loved the feeling of being that full now and had to hold back from begging for it. 

Somehow catching on, Harry held himself deep for Louis to get used to it the way he had their first time when Harry popped his first knot. From there it was the same slow drag as Harry found a rhythm that had them both panting and moaning. Of course Harry was much better at this now than their first time and Louis was sure he was going to come too soon. Harry knew how to find every angle that made Louis come untouched. 

This room reminded him of all the practice they had together to get it right before everything had a bitter edge. He missed it. He missed the sexual games they played with each other to get off.

“Knot me,” Louis begged, barely holding back the sob of desperation. He was emotional and on the edge, he couldn’t hide it. His legs tightened around Harry’s waist and high pitched sounds left his throat with each thrust. 

Harry growled and buried his face against Louis’ neck. Warm breath found his skin before teeth clamped down right over his bond and his eyes immediately rolled back as he saw stars. He wasn’t even sure if he was coming or not as the waves rolled through his body and he felt everything through their bond. He only knew that Harry had knotted him by the way the energy circled through their connection and the vibrations of Harry’s voice into his skin. It was so intense that Louis was sure it was a rebonding bite. 

Things came back to reality when Harry released him though the buzz stayed. 

“Why would you do that?” Louis panted, limbs still wrapped around the alpha’s body. Harry swore, breathing just as heavily. 

They never talked about it, but Louis knew he’d broken a longstanding and unspoken rule between them. 

“Needed to,” Harry didn’t hesitate to answer, “You’re still mine.” 

Louis wasn’t hit with the normal rage a comment like that usually inflicted. He swallowed hard and looked up at the constellation of glow in the dark stars and wanted to be Harry’s like he was as a teenager. If only things weren’t so complicated.

“Your family is going to know,” Louis said softly, resting his cheek against Harry’s hair, his face still buried in his neck.

“They won’t bother us for a while.” He liked how deep and rough Harry’s voice was. It sounded real and unfiltered and wrecked just like Louis felt. 

Louis would ask what that meant, but he already had a guess. Both of their families were on them about having kids and regularly made comments encouraging them to get started. Even if they were happily bonded the way their families thought them to be, they could barely afford themselves where they were in life. That was a valid excuse they used when they told their families they were waiting instead of admitting that they didn’t even share a bedroom in their apartment. When they signed the lease for a 2 bedroom, they’d told their families it was to have an office space. 

Harry was still coming and it started to feel a little awkward between them as the silence stretched on. His fingers found the edges of Harry’s hair at the nape of his neck and he played with the longer bits. He liked when Harry’s hair was longer like it was when they were younger. It was always so short now for his professional job. 

Thinking about the way he would run his fingers through it, he entered a hazy daydream state where everything didn’t quite feel real. It had been a very long time since Harry re-bonded them and he’d forgotten how floaty it made him. Everything felt lighter, including the tightness that was always in his chest. Half of Harry’s weight was on him and it still felt easier to breathe. Harry couldn’t stop tending the mark and each time his lips or tongue touched it, it made Louis’ whole body shiver. 

He thought about each place their body was touching and still needed to be closer to him. With an onset creeping up so gradually from a place of near bliss, he didn’t recognize it until it swelled enough to make his eyes begin to water. It was an anxiety that overwhelmed him, one induced by the bond that he hadn’t been mentally prepared for.

“Why would you do that,” Louis asked again in a shaky whisper. They were at his parent’s house in the middle of a family party for Harry’s birthday. Harry was going to have to leave him to return to the party after a fresh bond and the thought of being separated was suddenly too much for him to handle. 

Harry slid his arms beneath him, hugging him close while also comfortably pressing him into the bed with his body weight. It just barely took the edge off of the growing panic. His body still vibrated with it. He was going to leave him to go back to the party and then they would go back home and they would pretend that nothing had happened. That’s what they always did. That’s what they always needed to do. They never talked about it. But Harry had never re-bonded them so recklessly. Maybe if their bond was healthy it wouldn’t feel so critical to have his alpha’s full attention.

“I’ve got you,” Harry said very softly. 

With his eyes closed, he tried to make himself feel fifteen again. Harry had filled in as an alpha and was larger than the lanky kid he used to knot with, but it was still Harry in any fantasy. It was a normal feeling for him back then and now he didn’t know how to handle how intense everything felt. He’d grown so used to the dulled senses of their untended bond. As teenagers they rebonded so often that the rush was a drug that Louis craved. He didn’t remember how to ride the wave of it when he’d been resisting it all for so long. 

He started spinning in the dark void behind his lids and came again between them with a sob as it overtook him. It almost hurt in his oversensitive state, not even registering he had been hard pressed flat against Harry’s stomach at all. 

Consciousness came and went in the exhaustion from the emotional exchange of the rebond and he woke to the sensation of Harry pulling out. It was followed by an obscene gush of come that made him moan in both pleasure and disgust. He was glad he had kicked the fancy bedding to the floor before he had even started. He did not want to face anyone after soaking their guest bedroom comforter with their son’s come. 

As much as he felt the anxiety rise from Harry leaving him, the annoyance rose with it. Harry had just rebonded them. Again. It certainly hadn’t happened since they’d moved out on their own but he couldn’t remember which had been the final time before now. It had been long enough that Harry was just on the edges of his mind when he was at work or home alone. He didn’t want to feel more attached. He’d worked so hard to be unattached. 

“Why did you do that?” Louis hissed at him as he sat up and immediately felt dizzy. He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut to ground himself against it. It always took him longer to recover after something intense between them. Sometimes he wondered if things affected Harry the same at all or if it was just the unlucky card of being an omega. 

“Do we have to do this here? My parents are just upstairs and we both know how thin the walls are,” Harry sighed as he was digging through the small overnight bag he brought. 

“You’re the one who did this at your parents house!” 

“Why were you jerking off on my old bed?” he countered and Louis didn’t have a good answer for that. Also it was their bed. They’d shared it for years. He shouldn’t need an excuse and yet he felt flustered and averted his eyes. 

“The stars,” he blurted out and pointed up towards the ceiling. 

“What?” Harry asked, still naked as he turned fully towards him and followed the path of his finger to the ceiling. “Those have been there since I was a kid.” 

“I know,” Louis said softly. He couldn’t help it. Annoyance and anger parted for the nostalgia that surged up into him again. He missed the carefree days they had sharing this room. “It made me think about our first time.” 

Admitting it to himself and hearing it out of his mouth were two different things and he immediately regretted slipping up. He saw the way Harry’s face changed too. More than that, he could feel the shift in Harry’s energy through their freshly renewed bond. It wasn’t quite the soft nostalgia Louis was feeling. 

“Seriously Lou?” Harry asked incredulously. The lines between his eyebrows were deep as they scrunched together in an expression that made Louis feel small. Harry wasn’t intimidating as an alpha in the usual stereotypical ways, but he knew how to subtly make his dominance known. Honestly it always turned him on a little when Harry showed that side and sometimes Louis poked him into arguments desperate to see it show. It was the only way he knew how.

This time he wasn’t certain why Harry was upset with him. There were a million reasons any other time, but they’d just had sex, knotted, and rebonded. Those were the things he thought Harry wanted from him so he wasn’t sure what the problem was. The reason that got them there shouldn’t be an issue. 

“What?” he dared to prod. 

Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head as he scoffed, like he couldn’t fathom Louis not knowing. He thought for a moment that Harry would just shake his head and walk out the way he normally did when he didn’t want to engage in an argument with Louis. Instead he held his ground and met Louis’ eyes with such intensity that he couldn’t look away. 

“You’ve spent years making me feel like shit about our first time and now you’re getting off on it?” 

Louis felt the emotions bouncing off of him and he buzzed with feelings that were not his own. Harry was angry, frustrated, and unexpectedly, sad. It was the sadness that made something in Louis’ chest tighten. Even in the peak of their anger towards each other, Louis never felt the sadness he picked up on now. Their bond had dulled over time and Louis recognized it as amplified threads of what he always felt from Harry. Maybe he just hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it with the way they were living. 

At the same time, it made Louis feel defensive in return. It helped override the sadness that was pooling in the pit of his own stomach. 

“I never said it didn’t feel good,” Louis rolled his eyes. “But it took something away from both of us and you should feel like shit about it the same way I do.”

He watched Harry let out a humourless laugh and shook his head in disbelief. 

“It didn’t take anything away from me. I’ve never wanted anything else. When you pushed me away, I tried to want something else and I don’t. We both wanted that the same way we both wanted everything we talked about for our lives. You are the one who changed your mind on everything. You’re the one who decided you didn’t want me. You can’t decide how I should feel about anything.” 

“You’re the one who bit me on the playground,” Louis said in a shaky voice that lacked the usual confidence and venom he usually backed them with. 

Harry huffed in disbelief and shook his head. He rolled his eyes as he grabbed some clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. When he came out, he didn’t so much as glance Louis’ way as he pulled on a shirt and then left the room. The sound of his feet thudding up the stairs followed a few moments after. 

He felt small where he curled in on himself, his stomach twisting into knots. It wasn’t a comfortable feeling to have Harry’s second hand emotions conflicting with his own. Maybe they weren’t conflicting and that made it even worse. The anxiety he felt, that maybe underneath everything he felt the same was confusing and uncomfortable. He wanted to hate Harry all over again for messing with his mind yet didn’t want to hate Harry at all. 

The separation anxiety rose in him the further away Harry’s scent was from his reach. Louis thought he was still in the house and had most likely rejoined the party without him but couldn’t pinpoint where. There was no way Louis could follow him now. His ability to act normal around their family and friends was far from his reach at the moment. If he allowed himself to, it was likely he’d find himself in Harry’s lap desperately scenting him for reassurance. Louis hated his biology so much. 

It was frustrating. If they were a normal couple by choice, they could be affectionate bondmates in public and no one would think anything of it. They weren’t like that, though. They never touched each other unless they had to, unless they needed to. They pretended to be happy in front of everyone, but that was the extent. There was still an invisible wall between them most of the time. Even when they orbited around each other and mirrored each other’s actions, they still had separation. 

He stayed frozen in place until Harry returned for him, lost in his thoughts and fighting the anxious attachment. Harry handed him his pants and told him to get dressed. 

“Told them you aren’t feeling well and we needed to go,” he said as he zipped up his bag and grabbed Louis’ small one as well. Louis followed him in a daze, blinking and rubbing his eyes so everyone would think he just woke up and would leave him alone. He got away with a few weak goodbyes and then buckled himself into the passenger seat. It would have been his turn to drive and he usually enjoyed it, but he couldn’t focus enough to keep them on the road in his state. 

Harry’s fresh scent filling up the car slowly melted away the edges of his anxiety. The muscles that had tensed slowly unlocked, but he still hadn’t returned to normal. WIthout saying a word, Harry reached over and took his hand, linking their fingers together and resting both of them on his thigh. He moved his thumb gently back and forth over the back of his hand and Louis hated that Harry could tell what he needed. 

It was Harry’s fault he was in such a state, rebonding them and then just leaving him there to spiral after a fight with nothing to ground his own emotions and separate them from Harry’s. He didn’t have practice at this level. Harry was usually a consistent hum in the background of his existence — he was familiar with that. This was a dam collapsing without warning with Louis caught up in the current. He couldn’t tell up from down. Most couples rebonded when they knew they could spend time close together afterwards. Most couples planned rebondings in advance and were in the right headspace for it. Most couples made mutual decisions about something that was so altering. 

Louis remembered the times they’d rebonded when they were younger and the rush was never this heavy because each time the bond was still strong from the time before, it had been well maintained. He stared straight ahead and knew if he hadn’t been taken by surprise, he wouldn’t feel so scattered and overwhelmed now. If he only had time to prepare, time to anticipate it, it wouldn’t have been like this. 

They had such a long drive and Louis didn’t know if he could make it. It was an easy route and Louis still just wanted to be home immediately. He wanted to be surrounded by his familiar things when he felt so out of control. He didn’t even care that Harry’s bed was where he imagined himself. He slept there so often he considered it his. It smelled heavily like Harry which was exactly what his body was telling him he needed in order to survive. Being shut into the small space of a car with him wasn’t enough to satisfy any of his needs. It only pacified him temporarily to breathe him in. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think it through. I just gave in and did it.” 

Harry broke the silence but Louis had been hearing the echo of his voice through his emotions the whole ride. It was low and sincere and too good. Harry was always so good. It was Louis’ first instinct to tear him down because why did he always have to be so good even with everything Louis hated him for. 

“Didn’t think it through the first time either,” Louis muttered. He didn’t have the energy to say it any other way. He wasn’t even completely sure the words had actually come from his mouth until he felt the shift and anger rose from his alpha. The grip on his fingers tightened. 

“You aren’t innocent in this so stop blaming me for everything. You were the one to bring it up in the first place if we want to get technical here. Otherwise it would have never come up and it would have never happened. We were stupid kids for fuck’s sake. There wasn’t any intention behind it and you know it.” 

The anger Harry was feeding him was heavily laced with heartache and Louis didn’t like the way it twisted up in his chest. He didn’t know how to block it, every thread twisted together with his own. He felt exposed as Harry’s energy burrowed in deep and made him feel things he usually pushed away.

Louis turned his head to look out the window, the blur of scenery making him feel ill and yet he couldn’t look anywhere else. His eyes welled up with tears of frustration and he refused to let them fall. He didn’t like feelings he couldn’t control. Anger was easy to control. He could decide where to direct his anger to get it out of his system. He could do nothing to rid himself of it now. 

When he didn’t respond, Harry dropped his hand and it throbbed cold with the release of pressure. The loss of contact made him physically ache and he curled in on himself in response with his hand cradled against his chest and his legs drawn up on the seat. He wanted to but wouldn’t dare reach out to initiate. 

Rebonding needed aftercare and Louis was spiralling without it. He hated that he was spiralling from it. He hated that it held so much power over him. 

When they got home he fumbled his way up to their apartment, pushing Harry’s hand away every time he reached out to guide him. He wanted the touch so badly that he didn’t want it at all. It didn’t make sense and yet that’s what was spinning in his head. 

Harry’s hand clamped down at the base of his neck and squeezed, putting pressure on the freshly reopened bond. The pain was more of a pleasure and he went pliant for Harry immediately and allowed himself to be guided. He allowed it until the door closed behind them and he was safe. It took a lot of willpower to push Harry’s hand and twist free of his grip. 

He rushed to his room and closed the door, locking it before leaning back against it. It was difficult to close himself off and he took deep breaths in and shaky breaths out and slid down to the floor. His bed was right there and he was frozen to the spot. He didn’t have enough energy to move himself to the bed. A draining depression wouldn’t allow him to move further away from his alpha. 

Harry was hovering. He could feel it through the bond, feel the energy through the door. His scent was strong as well, thickening in distress to reach his omega. It told him Harry’s movement as he paced and then the proximity when he sat down against the door opposite himself. He felt the door shift with his weight against it. He knew Harry could sense exactly where he was as well. Harry had always been exceptionally good at locating and reading Louis. Usually it infuriated him. 

Over the years, Harry had learned not to act when Louis was mad, when his instinct told him he needed to. Louis could tell he was doing that now. He had been the one to close himself off and yet he still wished Harry would push his way in and insist. He wanted Harry to take what was his and put him in his place. He wanted Harry to force him so he wouldn’t have to admit he wanted it, so he could pretend that he didn’t ask for it. 

But Harry would never force himself on Louis and he struggled to justify his own behaviour when Harry was unquestionably a good alpha to him. He should be fighting to solidify the rebond and instead he was respectfully skirting the edges of Louis’ boundaries. Harry wasn’t allowed in his room unless invited and Louis had closed the door in his face. Harry wouldn’t kick the door down, he never did.

In his chest grew a deeper ache until he couldn’t sit still. If they didn’t let the bond settle, the anxiety was only going to grow worse and then linger for who knows how long until it was addressed. He wouldn’t be able to function enough to even go to work in that state and he couldn’t afford to lose his job over it.

He weighed his options and knew he would have to give in. It wouldn’t change anything. They were already bonded even if Harry hadn’t bit him again. Denying Harry would only hurt himself. 

He reached up to unlock the door and knew that Harry would hear the click where he sat. It took a lot of effort for Louis to make it to his bed where he curled up in the middle and immediately regretted not going to Harry’s bed. His bed had only the faintest hint of Harry’s scent on it since they so rarely shared his bed. 

Unlocking the door was an invitation, they both knew it was. Harry slowly turned the knob and pushed the door open just enough to slip inside. He closed it quickly like there were other people who might slip in behind him even though they were alone. Louis was hard already, his body knowing what it needed to solidify the connection with his alpha. He hated how good it felt to be hard for him. 

Harry cautiously climbed up onto the bed, mattress dipping under the points of his knees. As the big spoon, Harry settled in behind him in a secure hold that he held while thoroughly scenting him. It calmed Louis in a way only Harry could, slowing down his heart and relaxing his muscles. Harry knew how he felt about control being taken away from him so scenting this aggressively didn’t happen often. Louis wished that it did. He was wound so tightly that the release was foreign to him on this level. He never remembered it feeling so good. 

Louis didn’t resist when Harry began to remove his clothes. He knew it was going to have to be skin to skin. He wanted it to be skin to skin. He helped by lifting his hips and raising his arms. Both naked, Harry directed him onto his stomach and leaned forward to kiss his shoulder. 

“You don’t have to look at me,” he said, voice soft and resigned. Louis closed his eyes and pretended he hadn’t heard it. He didn’t want to be reminded that he was supposed to hate Harry. 

On his stomach, Louis tilted his bum up and crossed his ankles so he knew it would be tight. He rested his cheek on his folded hands and tried to relax his body even more. He knew very well how big Harry was and also knew how to take it. He’d grown into a full alpha man where it counted and Louis couldn’t even let himself praise him for it. He kept it to himself and secretly thought about it when he jerked off in the shower. He convinced himself that it was the bond but it really wasn’t. Harry was attractive no matter how Louis tried to look at him. In every way, he was Louis’ type. 

The warmth and weight of Harry’s body settled onto him and his eyes fluttered closed. He needed that anchor to settle him. He could feel Harry’s hips shifting and his hard cock against his ass. It found Louis’ slick and slid its way between his clenched thighs. He was sensitive and soaking wet, just the slide making him shudder. 

Harry fucked his thighs with a few slow thrusts before changing his angle and aiming to enter. It was a lot. It was always a lot. It wasn’t painful or even uncomfortable exactly, Harry just made him feel so full it changed the way he was able to pull in air. 

It was slow and deep this time, Harry’s kisses pressed gently across his back. He took his time making his way up towards Louis’ neck like he was testing the waters. They both knew he wasn’t going to deny him, especially since they’d gone this far. He nosed around at his mark first, scenting Louis so heavily he could barely scent himself. He tilted his head automatically, unconsciously giving him better access. 

Harry shifted himself up and the change in angle made Louis whimper at the same time that Harry’s tongue touched his skin. Louis’ body hummed, the omega in him growing sated and at ease. He was pushing right against the spot that made Louis forget his name and all his surroundings melt away. 

He knew he was begging for it, but refused to accept that he was even as the muttered words left his own mouth. Harry’s teeth hovered over the crescents of his bond, grazing the sensitive tissue with his hormone-laced saliva. His body recognized it and needed it after such an anxious afternoon. It all went straight south and then bounced back up to his brain, feeling all of his alpha’s urges. It was addicting to make them his own, to beg Harry to breed him and to fully seal their bond by mating. 

Louis tilted his hips even more and they both moaned with no restraint. The bulb of Harry’s swelling knot was popping in and out now, a unique feeling Louis had grown to enjoy. He squeezed around it every time Harry popped it in, holding it in when he tried to pull back out for the extra stretch. Harry grunted and began to grind his hips down which gave Louis’ dick some friction against the bed. Harry’s knot was swelling and it felt like he was rearranging Louis’ organs up to his lungs to make room. He moved one hand from under his cheek to slide beneath his stomach and felt the movement through his belly on his palm. 

Harry bit down gently at the same time his knot fully expanded and Louis’ eyes rolled back behind closed lids, a deep groan forced out of him. He came somewhere in the midst of it all, the sheets wet beneath him. The primal noises Harry made as he started to come were warm against his neck and made the hairs stand up. It was the small things he didn’t remember he liked until they happened that made him tingle. 

He didn’t resist when Harry turned them both onto their sides to settle into their tie. Louis felt content and tried to ignore the edges of all the reasons he should be angry that were beginning to reappear in the fringes of his mind. He could enjoy this right now. 

Finally settled, Louis was exhausted after such an emotional day. It was the first time he’d been able to relax in hours and his body ached from the tension. He let himself be lulled into sleep. 

He was cold when he was startled awake by a shiver. There was a blanket over him but it was not enough to keep his naked body warm. His eyes had yet to open and he kept them that way as he shuffled his body back for warmth. He froze when it wasn’t there and everything came rushing back to him. It was still dark so he assumed it was night and it hurt like a knife through his chest that Harry had left for his own bed at some point. Of course he’d left him, the same way he had the first time he bit Louis’ neck.

Nausea overtook his senses and he bolted out of bed as soon as he felt the prickle of cold sweat that came with the wave of chills. It didn’t feel like he had enough time to even make it to the toilet as he sprinted, slamming the bathroom door behind him before heaving. 

And thus started Louis’ new morning routine. Whether he was in Harry’s bed or his own, If Louis woke up alone, nausea would send him directly to empty the contents of his stomach. He didn’t need a new reason to be mad at Harry, but this was one he was having a hard time forgetting. Somehow Harry had fucked up their bond and now every morning his body reacted as if he’d been abandoned. The only time he didn’t over a week was on Saturday morning when Harry stayed up so late that he’d actually slept in for once. He didn’t feel ill that day until Harry stopped pretending to be asleep and got up for the day. That had been awkward and the first time Harry witnessed his rush to the bathroom first hand. 

“Harry, if you try to follow me, I will cut off your fucking balls,” Louis threatened when he caught sight of Harry coming after him. He slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it behind him with the dramatics that consumed him. He felt so physically ill that he barely made it to the toilet before heaving. 

Harry was right behind him and sounded urgent on the other side of the door as he pounded and called out his name. 

They’d gone back to barely passing each other in the apartment and Louis knew the strained new bond wasn’t coping well. He could feel Harry’s panic and concern and he felt pulled to go to him. The thought eased his nausea and he tested it by moving closer to the door. The closer he got, the more the thick feeling in his throat subsided. 

He cursed as he opened the door and stood fully naked in front of Harry who stared back with a confused yet surprised look on his face. 

“Why don’t you just fucking take me already?” 

His own voice startled him as he spoke the underlying desires he denied himself out loud, the ones he was convinced he didn’t want. He nearly screamed them out, unable to hold everything in as the pressure of years of stubbornly suppressing his wants built to unhealthy levels. 

His words came out angry and frustrated and he braced himself with one hand on each side of the door frame and just stared at his alpha. His alpha. Harry was his alpha and his alpha didn’t act like an alpha because of him. His alpha was timid because of him. That was how Louis taught him to be, required him to be. He was never going to take control without Louis’ permission because that’s what Louis had taught him to do. 

The flame in Harry’s eyes flickered and then shadowed his stare, looking at Louis’ body like he was finally allowed to. It was a possessive growl that rumbled low and was nearly inaudible, the air vibrating with it before it fully registered to Louis’ ears. It pushed a whine out of him that he wouldn’t have been proud of if he could focus on anything but the intense eye contact that made everything around them fade away. They’d never done this as adults, not the way they did when nothing was complicated. Now everything was complicated but their bond was familiar. Even when Louis ignored it, he knew it was still there. 

Harry lunged and Louis closed his eyes before the impact, limp body giving over to the solid hold as Harry’s nose went to his neck to aggressively scent him. It went right to his head and he fully allowed it like he never did. There wasn’t much else he could do and for once he didn’t want to. Fighting it was tiring. Louis was tired.  

“Thought you didn’t want me to take you,” Harry growled as he turned him and grabbed a handful of his hair before bending him right over the bathroom sink. His body slumped in submission, trusting that Harry wouldn’t allow him to fall. On instinct his back arched and he widened his stance, unconsciously presenting to his alpha. 

The strings were out of reach as he felt his thoughts float away like helium balloons and he didn’t scramble to gather them up into his hands as he normally would to maintain at least a shred of control. Harry was hard against him and he whimpered when clothes delayed what his body was screaming for. Every second without it felt like eternity and he sobbed as Harry shuffled to get his dick out enough to shove it in. Strangled noises pushed their way out to make room for Harry’s cock and then he gasped when soft but possessive lips tended his sore and throbbing bond mark. 

And then there it was, the zen that came with a blank mind, the kind only this could give him, the kind he always resisted. This felt different, he knew it in the recesses of his thoughts that it was. He wasn’t attached to anything now, floating in a space that didn’t exist. He may have come at some point, but he was already too high on the pheromones and ties of the bond to know. He knew Harry had knotted him when he slowed his movements and then put pressure on the bond mark with his teeth. It was so good, everything he needed. 

He let himself be lifted from the cold porcelain and ended up wrapped up with Harry and a warm blanket. Harry’s knot tugged and pulled with movement but he liked the way it reminded him his alpha physically couldn’t leave him, not now at least. 

“You smell sweeter,” he heard like a soft bubble bouncing around until he registered the words. He blinked his eyes open but let them stay unfocused. They were in Harry’s bed though he couldn’t fully remember the journey. He didn’t mind, he wouldn’t say no to being surrounded by Harry’s scent. He closed his eyes and felt himself spinning though he was still. 

“Probably just smell more like you,” Louis mumbled back. It hadn’t occurred to him how often Harry had been knotting him lately compared to the routine they’d followed as roommates who shared a bond. 

“You do smell more like me,” Harry growled possessively. The heavy scenting that followed was territorial even though they’d been bonded longer than they hadn’t been by now. This was what Louis wanted. He wanted Harry to fight for him, to claim him when it was their choice to do so. 

“Yeah, I do,” he gasped out softly, his hips circling where they were tied. Harry’s knot was so big that it didn’t take much to give him the friction he needed and he came again in the haze. 

“You smell natural,” Harry said with nis nose pressed against his neck. “When’s the last time you went in for shots?” 

That did make Louis pause and tried to focus on something other than the contact between them. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since the last time he’d been in for his suppressants and birth control. Harry usually took care of setting up the appointments for him until the year before when Louis started an unnecessary argument over it. He stubbornly made his own appointment for the next round and now he couldn’t remember when that had been or if he’d ever set anything up after that. He probably hadn’t. He usually hated the things he relied on Harry for and his organization for things like that was one of them.

“I got mine a few weeks ago,” Harry assured him, “But you’re probably going to go into heat soon.” 

Louis had never experienced a heat without the influences of his suppressants. They were never very long or very intense when they came up which was few and far between. It had been nearly a year since his last one if he was remembering correctly. He was still on Harry’s knot and still surrounded by pheromones that had him hard which made it hard to dislike the idea of going through a heat. He rolled his hips and moaned. 

Harry bucked into him with a grunt, “I’ll get you through it. Want me to go get condoms?” 

His words were strained like it took everything in him to say them. They both hated condoms early on and never used them anymore. It usually wasn’t a problem with the strength of birth control Louis was on combined with the shots that Harry took. Alpha birth control wasn’t as effective, but lowered the chances enough for it to be worth it to them. Both combined, they figured they were well covered. Without Louis’ side of it, it was a valid concern. 

He closed his eyes and shook his head. No, he didn’t want him to get any. Realizing now that he’d skipped his shots, he thought of all the times Harry had knotted him since they would have started wearing off. The rebond definitely would influence the cycle as well, the connection conditioning the body to be bred. 

“How long ago was your last appointment?” he asked quickly, trying to calculate how careless they’d been, how careless he’d been. 

“A few weeks? Six weeks maybe? I’m not sure.” 

Louis swore. There was a small panic building inside him that he might already be pregnant because of his own mistake. It would be his own fault if he was, his thoughts were clear enough to know that. 

“Can you stop being stubborn for once and let me make your appointments with mine again? Why do you always fight me on everything just to fight me?” 

It took a lot for Harry to snap and Louis wasn’t even sure what exactly had pushed him too far this time. The shock of his solid tone only lasted a second before it triggered his usual defenses.

“Is it that bad Louis? Do you hate me that much?”

He tried to jerk himself away from Harry’s knot and found he couldn’t. For various reasons, Louis had prematurely pulled off Harry’s knot a few times in the past and it was always uncomfortable but could still be done. This was too much and the stretch and friction as he tried forced him to come again and sink back down onto it. They both gasped and moaned together, Harry’s fingers digging into the meat of his hips to hold him in place. 

Louis stayed still while he brought his breathing back to normal and came down after the sudden climax. On some level it was embarrassing, he knew that. But it was Harry. It was always Harry. And no, it wasn’t that bad. Louis didn’t hate him when it really mattered. Maybe he only felt comfortable hating him because he knew he’d always be there no matter how he behaved. He allowed himself to take all his frustrations out on Harry because would still be there. He didn’t like the mirror turned on himself so he redirected it outwards. 

“Why aren’t you ever angry about what happened?” he asked. He knew his voice was harsh and accusatory and he didn’t try to mask it. It broke through all the warm fuzzies he’d been feeling. “Why are you always so fucking quiet about it all the fucking time??” 

Louis knew what he was doing. He was pushing at Harry, purposefully jabbing all his buttons into an argument. The fights they’d had together were epic though they weren’t as frequent now and usually fueled by months of bottled up emotions. He was again caught offguard when Harry didn’t immediately snap back like he usually did when things got to this level. It was easy to set Harry off when he could tell he was at a boiling point and Louis had been expecting the same response. 

 There was a beat of silence before his answer came, his voice so calm and hard to read. 

“Because I’ve never been angry about it.” 

It was too simple and Louis knew it to be a lie. Just because Harry never acted angry didn’t mean he wasn’t. Louis knew he was. 

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Louis rolled his eyes and subtly attempted to pull himself again off his knot. Their tie continued to hold.

“It’s not bullshit. You just never listen to me.” His voice didn’t waver as he tightened his grip to keep Louis in place. “We’ve never talked about it, not really. You never allow us to talk about it. You’ve never cared about my side. You decided how we were going to live and what our relationship was going to be. And I gave you that space hoping you’d work your shit out and we’d work towards what we used to be. I’m just indifferent right now, Louis. It’s how I have to be while I hold my breath to see if you’ll come to my bed every night so I can actually get some sleep because it hurts too much to think about that rejection. I’m not angry you’re my mate, I’m angry you won’t let me be. You were my best friend, Louis. Why is it so bad that we bonded? I would have chosen you anyway!”

“No you wouldn’t have,” Louis tried to accuse but it came out weak and unsure. 

“I’ve done a lot of research into it. There’s a reason the bond took so easily and was so strong. It isn’t very common for it to stick like that. If we weren’t compatible, that wouldn’t have happened. I think I would have courted you anyway.” 

“Courted me?” Louis said incredulously. “We aren’t in a romcom.” 

“We could be,” Harry shrugged, “I think about it sometimes… What it would have been like to date you and then bond you on purpose.” 

It was around those words that Harry tensed and must have realized what he’d exposed of himself. The change was palpable in the air and the quiet, stoic Harry was back

“How would you do it?” Louis’ voice spoke on its own and came out breathy and needy. There was always a battle going on in Louis’ mind of impulse verses caution and impulse was on fire tonight. 

“Take my time, make it special,” Harry whispered. His hot breath was so close to their bond mark that it made goosebumps rise on his arms. He didn’t like admitting how good bond play was but it always got him hard. He knew he easily could be again just from that light breath if he let it happen. 

Control was slipping from him and he was barely fighting for it. That’s what it was. All of his behaviours towards Harry were about control. Their bond had been out of his control so he fought to have the upper hand in everything now. But he was tired. He was so so tired. Tired and not even sure why he kept clinging to it so tightly.

He kept his mouth closed for once and allowed his alpha to tend to their mark. He even tilted his head to give him more space. Harry groaned as he let his teeth lightly graze the surface of his scars and the raw spots that were left from his most recent bite. Louis immediately began to swirl into the headspace he’d fully welcomed the very first time Harry popped his knot inside him. That moment had fully sealed the bond and Louis would always remember it. He pretended he hated it later, but it was the best high he’d ever experienced. 

Harry was still so tender with him, just as he always was. Louis didn’t know how he could still manage to be after the way Louis treated him. He knew he didn’t make it easy for Harry. Right now he wanted it to be easy. He wanted it to be like nothing had ever come between them. 

“I’d take you just like this, slow and deep.” 

He rolled his hips and Louis made a noise when he pressed even millimeters deeper. He wanted that too. His defenses were falling and he felt safe to let them. 

“I think about it all the time at night,” Harry rolled his hips again, words soft as if mumbling to himself. “When I can’t sleep. I think about you actually wanting it, begging me for it, asking me to mark you. The nights you come into my bed and pretend you don’t want it, I know that you do, you just won’t admit it. But I want you to want it like you used to. We would be like that if I could have dated you properly. I would have taken you on a honeymoon somewhere off the beaten path so we wouldn’t be bothered if we never made it out of the room. I’d breed you so good right away, have you ride me when you grew a belly.” 

It was like flood gates opened and everything was pouring out of his alpha’s mouth. He’d never heard him confess so much about sex since they were teenagers. They never talked about what they did or what they might want to do. Their sex was out of necessity only, that’s what Louis always told himself. They weren’t usually very adventurous or diverse in their positions when they were just doing it to get it done. At least on Louis’ end, anyway. 

Harry’s hand slid down Louis’ stomach and he gulped at the overwhelming response he had to that purposeful touch. He didn’t allow himself to think about that. It wasn’t on the table. It hadn’t been on the table. But even if he didn’t want it, the thought still turned him on. Usually by this time Harry’s knot was starting to make him feel a bit sore with his muscles aching from being stretched and held. This time, he just pushed his hips back against Harry’s knot and knew it wouldn’t take much for him to come again. 

“Yeah baby, know you want that too.” 

His voice was syrupy and slow, rolling through his body and down to his dick. His alpha hand was so big and warm on his stomach and he liked how possessive it felt. There had been a time when they’d talked like this. As soon as they really became sexually active with each other they’d dirty talked about it. Louis had been the one to shut that down when everything suddenly felt complicated to him. He really did want that too. At his core he wanted that, too. 

“I know I could breed you so well if you let me,” Harry said like he was seeking Louis’ approval and praise. He circled his hips and then started to thrust and grind deeper. He found himself being fucked onto his stomach, each thrust needing more leverage without room to pull out. Louis liked being under his alpha. He closed his eyes and moaned, the pressure and friction making him so sensitive to any movement. 

Harry moaned again and was so deep that he could feel when the alpha started to come again. Louis didn’t even know that was possible for alphas to do. Harry’s thighs framed Louis’ and he angled his hips just perfect to pull throaty noises from him. It felt so good and was so similar to the traditional mating position that Louis always loved. 

Panting above him, his alpha mouthed at their mark, hot breath hitting his skin. He didn’t even mind that Harry was being messy. The temperature of his skin had risen enough that there was a chill each time Harry left his skin wet with saliva. 

Harry was right, he was definitely going into heat soon. Not yet, but it would be soon with all the attention they were giving the bond. Harry’s words about breeding him circled around in his head and made him hyper aware of where they were connected. It wasn’t just his oncoming heat that made him want it, but it was responsible for his body’s reaction. He came again with a shudder, his body so exhausted. 

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but found himself blinking his eyes open in a different position, in a different room. He was sore when he tried to shuffle backwards to find Harry’s warmth. He didn’t find it in the crisp sheets that felt clean. His body was also clean, hair still damp though he didn’t remember showering. 

The immediate anxiety he was growing used to didn’t hit him when he sat up to find himself alone in his own room. Everything around him smelled so much like Harry that he knew it was fresh. It settled his soul that he could feel Harry’s energy in the apartment like a warm glow. The exchange was a two-way street between them, knowing that Harry could feel his presence as well.. The pull of information from him was just as open as the other way around. The fresh bond helped, but the real difference was that they both weren’t trying to shut the other out. He knew that Harry was in the kitchen because Harry let him know that much and vice versa. He hadn’t realized how much mental energy he’d devoted to closing himself off until it wasn’t there. 

Only stumbling over his feet a few times, Louis entered the kitchen holding his robe closed with his arms crossed over his chest. The exhaustion down to his bones made him feel hungover though the other unpleasant side effects of that condition weren’t there. It felt more like being woken up at three in the morning. 

Their kitchen was small and looked like it was designed in the seventies, probably was. The faux wood laminate on the countertops was dated and well worn, but had character that Harry loved. To open the space, the wall was open above the sink with a small bar with two stools. Louis liked to sit there while he ate his cereal and watched Harry do the dishes or whatever meal prep he was doing. It was one way they quietly co-existed. Now Louis took a seat on one of them because he just didn’t want to be standing anymore. 

Harry’s grin was warm and genuine, but also cautious as he looked at Louis. 

“You there?” he asked and looked ready to swerve depending on Louis’ answer. 

“What do you mean?” Louis genuinely asked. If he was missing something, he was in no condition to connect the dots. “Of course I’m here.” 

Harry’s grin spread just a little and he leaned his arms on the counter across from Louis. It made him a few inches lower, but Louis already had his cheek resting on his hands so they were nearly eye to eye. 

“So, how much do you remember?” Harry asked and Louis just blinked back at him. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to remember. They’d rebonded but that didn’t erase his memory. 

“What am I supposed to remember?” he finally asked when he came up with nothing. 

He could see a hint of nerves on Harry and he would have been nervous himself if Harry wasn’t scenting so heavily. He feared it must be bad if he had to prepare Louis for it. 

“You woke up in heat. It’s been three days,” Harry tried to deliver the news gently. He could see the way he also braced himself to flinch if Louis blew up on him as he usually would. 

Louis just stared at him in confusion, the cogs in his brain not working overtime today. Harry reached to get something and then there it was. The last three days flashed through his memory in rapid fire and he squeezed his eyes shut to every little embarrassing and needy thing he’d done to and in front of Harry. All the times he’d begged Harry to knot him, the times he cried when Harry pulled out, the presenting, the words, the fantasies. 

The silence stretched on while Louis processed. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he cautiously cracked his eyes open. 

“Yeah, I remember,” he said because there wasn’t any use in denying it. It would save Harry the awkward recounting of events. And he knew Harry would.

“I know everything we said… but I want you to make the decision in your right mind,” Harry said as he slid something across the counter. “I meant everything I said even if it was just the heat and the fresh bond, but you have the choice.” 

Louis saw what the packet was. It was a post-heat flush to stop eggs from implanting. It was more effective the sooner it was taken and something swelled in his heart that Harry had the foresight to probably have some delivered to the apartment so Louis would have the choice without delay. He really was such a good alpha. 

“You got your shots, though,” he said as he looked up. Harry nodded. “And condoms?”

Harry shook his head for that. “You wouldn’t let me leave to go get any. We woke up in the thick of it.” 

Louis nodded. He also remembered wanting Harry bare, begging and whining for it. The shots for alphas were less effective during heats and ruts since sperm could be produced so fast with hormonal influence. It would have been wise for them to use condoms. Something in him wanted to be annoyed with Harry and then he remembered. They wouldn’t even be in such a position if Louis had remembered to get his shots in the first place. 

He rested his forehead down on his folded hands and felt overwhelmed with such a snap decision. There had been no time to mentally prepare for a rebond. There had been no time to mentally prepare for a heat. There was now no time to mentally prepare himself for such a decision. Logically he knew that they didn’t need to add a baby to their complicated lives. It was what he thought he would chose. 

But things felt different. Their new bond felt healthier and they’d started talking through the things they never did. Something cracked them open and Louis finally felt like he could talk about them. The lightswitch had been turned on and Louis didn’t mind living in the light for once. 

Things were still so complicated. Some emotionally charged confessions and a shared heat under a new bond hardly repaired the years of damage. Louis knew that. Louis hadn’t had a clear moment to even think about what he wanted. His heat was filled with all the lusty discussions they’d had about breeding and having a bunch of kids. Even if he found that to still be true, rushing into it like this wasn’t the best choice. 

In the end, they gambled on it. They waited to see what would happen and because of that, Louis hadn’t rushed to schedule his next shots. They also thought it would be easier to get back on the same schedule as Harry if they could just hold out. 

It was a small relief when Louis wasn’t pregnant though he admitted to himself that he’d grown fond of the idea of a baby. They’d always talked about having a family when they were kids and those feelings had started growing back. He let himself look at Harry again the way he used to and saw everything he loved about his alpha before things had soured.

They also began to talk. Unspoken things were voiced, things that broke and healed Louis at the same time. 

Since his heat, there was a playful shyness to their relationship that made everything feel new and exciting. They were getting to know each other again as bondmates again which made his omega flutter in happiness inside him. Fighting the instinct had been such hard work. He forgot how easy it felt to let it be. Things came slowly, but he didn’t push anything away. 

Louis gradually moved into Harry’s room until it became theirs. Harry easily made room for him as they got used to sharing a space again. He got used to waking up with Harry every morning and learned the joy of slow morning fucks before Harry had to leave for work. 

Their bond had been fractured and untended for so long that there were separation anxieties that still lingered in different ways for each of them and they had to find new routines to work around them. Louis was able to move a few of his shifts to give him more time with Harry, but they still spent quite a bit of time apart. 

It was on one of the evenings they spent together, a Friday night, that they got a little drunk and sat down to watch some exposé on tv. Truthfully Harry enjoyed those shows more than he did, but he didn’t mind it just to spend time with him. When he saw the topic was something medical, he snuggled in against Harry and let himself zone out. 

“I still loved my bondmate, I knew I did. But I fought against it and convinced myself that it was just biology, that it was just the bond keeping us tied and I hated it.” 

Louis registered what was being said as it was relevant to him, his eyes opening to focus his attention. He listened as the omega told her story and it was so familiar. He knew those thought patterns because they had been his own. 

All he could do was watch as the story unfolded, hyper focused on the pieces as they put them together. Bond Rejection Syndrome. Louis had never heard of it before. All of these omegas had one thing in common — they were all given the same suppressant shots.

He wondered if Harry was also connecting the dots as he really thought about the timeline of events. There were minimum age requirements for the shots so he’d been on other methods first. He thought he was around sixteen or seventeen when he was given the okay to switch over. His heart caught on a beat and thudded hard in a painful twist when everything lined up. That was also around the time that he started pushing Harry away. It was small things at first, minor annoyances that grew into the wedge between them. It was the same story they all told. 

Already processing that the divide in their relationship had been largely his fault, this confirmed it even more. He was afraid to look at Harry, embarrassed to find out that it had been the shots he’d willingly been taking for years that caused him to resent his alpha the way he had. It also explained why it was so easy to love Harry again as the suppressants slowly left his system. 

It answered as many questions as it created. Surely it wasn’t just that a simple hormone imbalance the whole time. He felt years of his life wasted. 

Harry sensed his mix of anxiety and anger and scented the air around them to calm him down. He appreciated things like this now when he wasn’t looking for a reason to be irrationally angry. It made his chest feel tight thinking about everything Harry offered him that he’d pushed away before. His alpha’s soul was so kind and attentive and Louis had thrown it back in his face for years. 

Sliding and twisting down, Louis rearranged himself so he was on his back with his head in Harry’s lap. He kept his eyes squeezed shut so he didn’t have to look at him just yet and took in a few calming breaths, letting them out slowly. Harry’s fingers slid through his hair slowly and Louis knew he would be purring if he could. The motion was so gentle and calming. 

“I remember starting those shots,” Louis finally admitted, eyes still closed. 

“Yeah,” was all that Harry said, fingers continuing their motion. 

“I never knew where it came from,” he admitted, “When I thought about it, I was just always angry.” 

“Wasn’t just you,” Harry said, “I wasn’t very mature about a lot of things.”

“You’ve always been on shots too,” he remembered and wondered what those had done to his alpha. Had they changed his pheromones so that Louis’ hormone imbalance hadn’t seen him as a healthy mate? He wanted to research it now to see if there was a connection. 

“I guess it’ll be condoms now,” Harry said and Louis took that to mean that Harry wasn’t going to take them in for their next appointment now. 

“Or we could not,” Louis surprised himself by saying. He looked up at Harry hesitantly hopeful, covinging Harry before he even convinced himself. They both started getting used to the idea of a possible pregnancy after his last heat until he was sure he wasn’t. 

“Or we could not,” Harry repeated. He tried to sound casual but Louis recognized the smile on the edges. 

Louis turned so his face was facing Harry’s lap. His nose was nearly touching his dick and it made his heart rate pick up a bit. They’d been making up for lost time with all the sex they’d been having, but for some reason they always went straight to knotting. He’d forgotten Harry’s scent was so strong here and he nuzzled his nose into the soft flannel of Harry’s pajamas. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d used his mouth on Harry. Maybe drunkenly at the hotel after his sister’s wedding though he couldn’t trust his memory for that. 

It was a distraction from the heavy weight of processing what he’d just learned and he leaned into it. Harry was already half hard by the time Louis pulled him out of his pants. A psychologist would have a lot to say about the flashbacks that turned Louis on yet he didn’t mind them. As a pair, they went through all of their firsts together and it had been a very exciting time. Their experiences were what wired his brain so he didn’t see a problem in thinking back to when he first started doing this in Harry’s basement. They had more privacy at Harry’s house than when they stayed at his own so most things happened there. 

They’d been so addicted to each other back then, in their own little world while the rest of their friends were too young to be doing the things they were. That always gave it a special edge as well. It made them feel naughty that they could go home and do all those things because they were bonded. 

The best part of those memories for Louis was how responsive Harry had been. On his face as an adult, Louis could see the same expressions, but he was so much more reserved. It made him want to pull those noises from him and looked up at his alpha from beneath his lashes while pressing a moist kiss to the tip. 

Louis watched his eyes darken and the noise of surprise fueled him. Even as a full grown man, Harry tasted the same. It was a comfort he would still know it blindfolded. His tongue circled the head before taking him into his mouth. Maybe it was the shock of the information that rendered him temporarily sober, because he was reminded how tipsy he was when he misjudged the depth and nearly choked himself. 

Harry’s fingers threaded through his hair and gripped a handful, controlling his motion with smooth accuracy like he was fucking a toy which Louis had seen him do. 

His eyes were watering when Harry pulled him off, gasping for steady breaths. Since popping his first knot so young, it grew with him and they both knew it would dislocate Louis’ jaw if it happened in his mouth. 

“Get on my knot,” Harry commanded and Louis jumped into action, stripping fluidly before straddling his lap. 

Of course he was wet and slid down onto Harry’s cock easily until all his weight settled in his lap. There was a new sensitivity for him when it came to sex that made him enjoy it the way he had when they first started. He rocked his hips in a slow rolling motion and that was all he needed to feel close to the edge. It wasn’t just the healthier bond, Louis was sure the shots had been dimming his senses that were now coming alive. 

Harry was biting his bottom lip, fingers pressing into the meat of Louis’ thighs. He was almost holding his breath, attempting to hold back his knot by sheer will power. It made Louis smirk and begin to circle his hips in a slow game to get Harry to crack. It was a bet between whether his knot would pop or he’d break and grab Louis’ hips to fuck into him first. Louis was trying for the first. 

He clenched his muscles around him and saw the way Harry twitched.. Teasing Harry used to be his favourite foreplay. He’d forgotten how much he loved that control. He squeezed around him again and then again, nearly throwing his own bet by inducing his own orgasm. He never denied that Harry felt really good.

When Harry’s hips made small movements to match his own, he knew he’d won his game. Groaning, Harry’s eyes rolled back as they closed, grip on his thighs tightening along with the rest of his body a second before his knot swelled and he started to come. Edging himself just as much as Harry, he circled his hips on Harry’s knot, his whole body shuddering before finally releasing into a whole body reaction. 

“Shit,” Harry groaned, still twitching. 

But Louis wasn’t done teasing him yet. He leaned in, cheek against cheek so he could whisper near his ear. 

“Imagine breeding me for real,” his words loaded with intent. He grinned when Harry bucked up into him and swore. “You knot me so good, alpha.” 

“You smell so fucking fertile,” Harry said with the edge of a low growl. It pleased Louis’ inner omega that he could still pull such reactions from Harry. “I’ve never smelled you so clean.”

Harry slid his nose up Loui’s neck to the place just behind his ear. It was true that Louis had never been off some form of suppressants as an adult. Some said it changed their scent while others it was just muted. Louis hoped his wasn’t different altogether. 

“I shower all the time,” he still snapped back playfully. 

“You know what I mean, unmasked,” he made another show of scenting him, “You smell like you love me.” 

That caught Louis off-guard. They’d talked through so much, he was working through so much, and he still kept having realizations that rocked his world. His bitterness projected towards Harry must have been reflected in his scent. He knew the bitter scent of Harry’s anger, so of course Louis’ would be the same. Years of suppressants and anger were built up and now he’d shed so many layers. 

It was so much easier to allow himself to love Harry the way he wanted to now that there wasn’t a force driving them apart. Louis stopped the game and took Harry’s face in his hands to press a kiss onto his lips. It was something so intimate and it made him nervous to be in the one to initiate. There were so many ways they were re-learning each other and sometimes Louis felt like he wasn’t allowed to take such delicate moments for himself.

But he did love Harry and wanted to start making it up to him. There was too much missed time between them for Louis to not show him now. He just had to keep reminding himself that it was okay. 

Louis settled in against his chest to wait out the tie, the tv droning on in the background. It was nice for a while until the pheromones started to dissipate. 

“How can we afford a baby?” Louis asked while the reality of what trying meant started to sink in. “We can barely afford us even with my job.” 

“We’ll figure it out,” Harry assured him, “Maybe I could start looking for something else now that I have some experience.” 

“Maybe we could sue the manufacturer of the suppressants,” Louis was only joking a little. 

“You think we could? For pain and suffering?” 

Not expecting that answer, he sat up, breath catching as the angle changed inside him. 

“You think we could?” If it was going to happen to them, they might as well get compensation. They hadn’t been warned about any of those side effects while he was on them. 

As it turned out, they could. They joined a class action lawsuit with a group of omegas that were already bonded when they started the suppressants with stories similar to Louis’. Their argument was that it hadn’t been disclosed that the shots could affect a bond once they were aware of the side effect. 

Their first baby was on Louis’ hip when it finally went to trial. Their story was the most compelling evidence since they had soulmate bonded so young. That made it harder for them to excuse away the bond rejection as just realizing they had chosen the wrong mate and not a result of the drug. 

Eventually the case was settled, coming out of it with enough money to buy a small house and a safer car. They also tucked some away for an emergency fund. Louis was able to quit his job to stay home with the baby for a while with that safety net. It was such a relief to have it. 

Their families were through the roof when they broke the news about baby number two, unaware that their own thoughts were still stuck on the crazy heat when they conceived. They could never tell their families how Louis was strapped onto a breeding bench deep in roleplay fantasy that resulted in Louis actually being bred.

It wasn’t something he’d imagined for himself, but now couldn’t live without the vibrant and satisfying sex life they had even now that they were parents. It helped that they didn’t cave to what they were expected to be. There were still times when Louis wished experiences hadn’t been taken from him by their early bond, but Harry didn’t make him feel boxed in. Harry was never offended when he needed some time alone or even time to talk about it. 

But Harry was a good alpha and a good father and, even still, Louis’ best friend. He never could have picked a better mate on his own and now that they were older, he could appreciate the soulmate bond for what it was.