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Dear Theseus,
I brought you back to Snowchester today. It seemed only natural, seeing as you saw it more as a home than you ever did with your real family. Can we even call ourselves that anymore?
Wilbur fought tooth and nail to keep you here with us, but Phil quickly put down his protests. You would have never given up so easily, pestering Phil until he gave in.
You were always resilient like that. One of your better, if not annoying, traits. I, for one, agree with our father's decision, only because I cannot bear to be forever overshadowed by my mistakes.
You were cold in my arms throughout our journey even though I had you wrapped in my cloak. You used to be so warm, so full of fire that burned everyone around you. I wish I could be burned by that fire one more time.
It's been so long since that spark in you still shone brightly. Where did that light go, little brother? What happened to that little kid who was so full of life? Who blew out your flame?
Tubbo was there to greet us when we arrived. Have you ever heard the screams of someone who just had their entire world ripped apart from them? I have killed thousands of men, had their blood soak through my skin and their cries for mercy ring in my ears, but I know this will haunt me forever. Ranboo took you into their arms much too quickly, like they wanted to protect you from me.
They held you so tenderly, like you were a sleeping babe, and brushed your bangs away from your face. The look in their eyes when they stared down at you could have made even the hardest of hearts break.
I wanted to dress you in the finest of silks and jewelry, but I knew you wouldn't have wanted that. You were never one for finery, always wanting to run freely without anything holding you back.
Tubbo came and placed a small cow plushie beside you, and Ranboo placed a gold band on your ring finger, the same one that both they and Tubbo shared. I wonder how long ago they made the decision to ask you to be a permanent part of their family.
Phil and Wilbur hung back, claiming they had no gifts to give you, but I knew the truth.
Nothing could ever make up for what had been done. Nothing could ever amend the mistakes we made, the mistakes I made. Still, I placed my best crown upon your head. You always did like wearing it, despite it never fitting you properly.
Would you scoff at me if you saw me kiss the top of your hand? You never really liked physical affection. But this was more for me than it was for you.
We placed flowers around your grave; I think you would have liked that. You used to sing to them, remember? So out of tune, but that never stopped you. The petals were slightly wilted, like they were mourning you as well. I wonder who would take care of them and make sure that they grow. That was always your job.
It was a simple ceremony, much too quick for my liking, but your friends were impatient to get us off of their property.
Ranboo said we were welcome anytime to visit you, but the contempt in their eyes said differently. Theseus, I think I just lost one of the few people who I care about. I should have known Ranboo would always choose you over me.
Not that I can blame them. Tubbo and Wilbur got into a screaming match and Phil had to pull them away from each other before it got physical.
I don't think we'll be visiting you anytime soon. It's late now but I won’t be sleeping. I hope that you are happy wherever you are, little brother. You deserved more than what this world gave you, you deserved more than what I gave you. I guess I'll go now, there's nothing more I can say.
Goodnight,
Techno
Dear Theseus,
Everyone has been asking about you. They cry and mourn like they actually knew you, like they actually cared. Is this how you always felt? Like nobody cared? Flowers and cards of condolences are sent to my house. All of them fake.
It's only to make them feel better about themselves. I can't tell you why it made me so angry, to see them finally care now that you are gone forever. They never cared, Theseus, not like I do.
Fake, all of them! I threw the flowers into the fireplace and ripped the letters to shreds. Your memory will not be sullied by lies and fake grievances.
Why? Why did you leave me, BETRAY me, to go back to the people who discarded you like trash, willingly giving up to save their own skin. I was there, Theseus. I gave you food, shelter, and love.
And still, you left, for the people who exiled you no less. I know I shouldn't be angry at you, but I can't help it. Everything has gone wrong; why didn't you let me protect you? Why did you have to leave?
I won't dwell on that anymore; there's no use asking questions that will never have answers. Since you've been gone it's like there's a void here, a suffocating darkness that fills your absence. Things still haven't gone back to normal. Phil locks himself in his room all day, and the reek of cigarette smoke follows Wilbur around wherever he goes like a trail of shame.
I found empty potions in his room, and I can only hope he doesn't get addicted again. Your friends are fairing no better. Tubbo cares only for his work and taking care of his child, and Ranboo spends most of his days sitting in front of your headstone, a purple flower in his hand.
It's ironic, how we all said you were always causing divides when you were the one holding us all together.
We should have shown you we cared before it was too late. Maybe everything would have ended differently.
You know that I cared, right?
Techno
Dear Theseus,
No matter how many times I wash my hands, your blood continues to stain my skin. The smell of iron fills my nose and the phantom weight of your body when I had held you lingers. Every time I close my eyes, I see my sword going through your chest, again, and again, and again.
The white of your shirt was stained with red. I can still feel the weight of the sword in my hand, the leather hilt, and the resistance it met sliding through your skin and ribcage.
That sword is broken into many pieces now, I can't bear to look at it. Look at the instrument of my mistakes.
No. That's not right. The sword killed you, but I was wielding it. I should have known better, should have had a better grip on my emotions. I'm your eldest brother; it was my duty to protect you.
But I never did, did I? You came to me for protection and comfort, and I threw you out to the wolves. You were only a kid, Theseus, you should have never been put in that position.
I wouldn't have given you to him, I wouldn't! If you ever dared to touch you, I would have cut off his hands and watched him bleed. Did you really have so little faith in me?
Is that why you left me, using me as nothing more than a weapon? I regret taking you in sometimes, knowing it would have been better if you never came to me.
Maybe then I wouldn't feel this gaping hole in my chest, lying awake at night wondering what I could have done differently to make you stay.
There was no fear in your eyes when you looked at me, just quiet resignation. You looked...happy. Happier than I had ever seen you in such a long time.
It's horrible, sickening. How could you be so happy while you were bleeding out in my arms, knowing that I was the one who delivered the fatal blow? You SMILED Theseus, how could you smile like that knowing that you would never open your eyes again?
Did you hate me so much that you would rather die than be with me? Did you hate the world enough to want to stop living in it?
Yes, we wronged you, I wronged you, but all you caused was suffering. That's all you were good for, causing grievances and then leaving before you had to face the consequences.
Sometimes I hate you. I think of a world where I never found you and brought you back home and I feel a sense of peace. Maybe it was for the best you died, you did us all a favor.
For once in your life, you did something right. I hate you for this. I truly hate you. I can't waste any more time mourning you.
You don't deserve it,
Techno
Dear Theseus,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. Don't leave me, little brother. I promise to protect you this time, to never let you go. Come back to me, please. I miss you, I miss your laughter and your smile, I miss waking up and seeing you safe in the kitchen waiting for me.
I promise to never let you go this time.
I'm so sorry,
Techno
Dear Theseus,
Your dying words were a confession. To me. To everyone. That you were sorry for being unlovable. Unlovable? You were the one person in my life who I loved more than anything. Not that I had a choice in the matter. You pulled me to you like a planet in orbit around the Sun.
Sticking your claws into me and refusing to let go. You were never unlovable. There was too much to love about you for that to be true. Did you know I admired you?
I just know you're laughing at me from wherever you are. But it's true. You've always been stronger than me in willpower. Always ready to fight for what you believed in and for the people you loved.
You stretched yourself so thin for the people who were greedy and took you for granted. I was one of those people. I'm not too proud to admit that and confess my shame.
It should have been me fighting for YOU, but now it's too late. I would give up the world to hold you in my arms one last time. But that still wouldn't be enough.
I'm greedy, Theseus, and I can't bear to let you go. I should let you rest, move on, continue on with my life. But how can I when you were the biggest part of it?
It's a shame, isn't it? How you never quite realize how much you took for granted until you lose it forever.
You're gone forever now, aren't you? Your last life, taken by my hand. I hope you aren't holding that against me. Probably not. You probably think that's the funniest outcome possible.
Too positive for your own good. I miss that positivity, that light that you brought with you everywhere you went. All there is now is darkness.
Missing your light,
Techno
Dear Theseus,
Is it true? Were you really calling out for me in that prison cell, begging for me to come rescue you? Did you die thinking I didn't love you enough to save you?
With soul-consuming regret,
Techno
Dear Theseus,
I remember the first time I held you in my arms. You were so small, so frail. And, for the first time, I was scared. Scared I would break you. You were a gift that no treasure could ever compete with. There was no land nor riches that compares to you in that moment.
You smiled at me, remember? There was no fear in your eyes, just curiosity. And when your little hand wrapped around my finger, I knew my life's only mission was to give you the best I possibly could. When you left me to go start your country, I felt like my heart left with you.
You were my everything and it wasn't fair. That you took my soul and love and left me behind. There's no point in thinking about that now. I just hope it was worth it, that country of yours.
Because now there's nothing. Only an emptiness in my chest and a numbness that refuses to be chased away.
You are the one who is the ground, but I'm the one who feels dead. It's unfair, little brother, how you were cradled in my arms as an infant, and died cradled in the same way. If a god exists, then this is truly the cruelest trick.
What am I without you,
Techno
Dear Theseus,
I keep thinking about your last moments in that prison. Your fear as you pleaded for your life. I can hear you calling out my name as your head was cracked against the obsidian floor. It's macabre, I know, but can you blame me for being curious?
At least you were peaceful this time. That makes me feel a little better, though the bar wasn't that high to begin with. I keep hearing you during the day and at night.
Your hurried footsteps, your loud laughter filling the halls. My chests are opening and closing, yet nothing is missing when I check. I think I'm going crazy. I need to go out and get some fresh air.
Maybe writing these letters isn't a good thing. At least that's what Phil says. If it means I stop hearing things then so be it. I'm sorry, Theseus, I hope you can understand.
Forgive me please,
Techno
Dear Theseus,
Is that you? Why are you hiding? Don't be scared, I can't wait to hold you in my arms again.
Waiting patiently,
Techno
Dear Theseus,
They're all lying to me. Phil, Wilbur, even Ranboo. I know you're here! You eat breakfast with me, help me with the farm, you're always following me around.
You always sneak into my bed nowadays, wanting my comfort. I'm always happy to give it, though I wish you weren't so cold. Why are you so cold?
I'll do better this time, I promise. You will never feel unloved or unwanted, never feel like I don't care. You're mine and I am yours. It's always been that way. I will protect you with my life, only you and me.
We don't need anyone else. As long as we have each other, we'll be fine. You're laughing at my letters, but I mean it wholeheartedly.
You're smiling more often now. Please keep smiling, I can't lose that smile again. I can't lose YOU again. My little brother, my treasure, my runt. You're back, you're finally back.
Your adoring brother,
Techno
Tommy? Where did you go? Did you try going out in the snow again? You'll get cold, and you need to be warm. I'm the only one who can do that.
Come back,
Techno
Dear Theseus,
Phil is trying to take you away from me. He found my letters and started crying, telling me this isn't healthy. What does he know? He's already forgotten about you Theseus.
Everyone has. But not me, I'll never forget you. You're my beloved little brother, the light of my life. I won't let you burn out again.
I made us a little cottage away from everyone else. We're leaving tomorrow, and I know you'll love it. This time I'll be better; I'll be the brother you've always needed me to be. Just me and you, forever. Doesn't that sound just perfect, little brother?
To the rest of our lives together,
Techno