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Rishe held her breath as she flattened herself against the wall and tried to make out which direction the footsteps were heading towards. She sighed in relief as they went away from her and didn’t waste time darting away.

She jumped through the open window and grabbed the ledge just above to pull her up before landing at her intended destination. Rishe took a look around and was relieved to see there wasn’t anyone around to see her acting this way in broad daylight. She had spread her senses beforehand, of course, but mistakes happened and she could not afford one right now, not with all the dignitaries roaming around the place these days.

The pinkette strode forward to the balcony doors and peeked inside. She was reassured by the only figures she could see. If there had been someone else, all her efforts at getting away might have gone down the drain.

She knocked on the glass to catch their attention and the silver haired man blinked in surprise before he quickly made his way to unlock the door for her. 

“I’m going to be hiding here for a bit.” Rishe explained wryly as she met the amused eyes of her fiance.

“Never did I think I would see the day when you ran away from work Lady Rishe.” Oliver joked even as he moved to close the doors again.

She huffed as she made her way to Arnold. “You greatly underestimate me if you think I haven’t completed all my work and double checked them already Oliver. It is not work I am hiding from.”

She was fortunate that he had decided to work from his bedroom today. If she had to guess, the nobles had probably gotten on his nerves with their lobbying and no one would dare to ask to see the crown prince in his own bedroom like they would if he worked from his office. It was only a shame that the same didn’t apply for her.

Rishe perched on the arm of Arnold’s chair and peered over his shoulder at the documents he was looking at. He wordlessly shifted to better let her read them and Rishe was was hit was a wave of affection towards this man. 

When she contrasted his attentionate care for her with everything she had to deal with recently, she really realised how lucky she had gotten in this lifetime. She didn’t know how she had gone through six lifetimes before this without knowing him. She had many friends before but Arnold was the only one who had cared for her in this way.

Maybe some of her melancholy has shown or maybe her soon-to-be husband was more attuned to her emotions than she thought, because for the first time since she stepped into the room, he spoke up. “What’s wrong?” 

She didn’t quite have the words to explain. How could she explain her trivial difficulties with her family to the man who had grown up with the Emperor of Galkhein as a father. And what a poor excuse of a father he was, the more Rishe learned about him, the more her hands itched for a blade. 

Before she could reply however, there was a knock at the door and Rishe startled, immediately making her way towards the gigantic walk-in-closet. “I’m not here.” She told them before ducking in. 

She didn’t bother listening in to the conversation that was surely happening on the other side and instead silently went further inside, looking at Arnold’s clothes. She had been here only twice before and frankly she hadn’t had the opportunity to look at them so closely.

Arnold’s clothes were mostly dark coloured. She could understand that; it was easier to hide weapons and blood in darker coloured clothes. She couldn’t say she didn’t have the same preference when she was out on a mission. 

However, she was pleased to see some more colourful shirts had started to make their way in his wardrobe as well. She recognised some colours and patterns as those who matched a few of her dresses and she let out a pleased smile.

She came to a stop before a rack full of his night clothes…should she? She trailed her fingers over the fabric and felt the softness of it. They looked so tempting and her current outfit was so uncomfortable…

So when five minutes later, Oliver knocked on the door and announced that Rishe could come out now, she did so wearing an oversized shirt and pants that were clearly not hers. 

“So why are you hidin-” Arnold started asking but then he saw her and seemed to have lost his words. Oliver hid an amused smile behind the papers he was cleaning up and Rishe pretended that she wasn’t smug at the reaction she had managed to elicit.

It was rare when she was able to fluster Arnold in the same way he took so much pleasure doing to her, but everytime it happened, she was more than pleased at the evidence that he was as affected by her as she was by him.

It was perhaps this very reaction that bolstered her to say something that she would never dare to say aloud. That and the tiredness, she was always more prone to speak her mind when she had little sleep. 

“If I had to stay there and listen to my mother talk about sex positions and how to seduce you so that you can impregnate me as soon as possible, I was going to commit murder.”

Oliver visibly choked and Arnold seemed to be at a loss for words. Rishe paid them no mind and made her way towards the bed. A nap sounded really great right now but maybe she could rant first. The Goddess knows she needed to vent somehow and she couldn’t possibly visit the training grounds right now.

“I’ve had maybe 5 hours of sleep in the past three days because every time I finish up my work, there she is, standing at the door like some paragon of doom. I almost prefer the last time we had this conversation. ‘Just lie there and let him do what he wants’ is terrible advice but at least I didn’t have to sit there and listen to her speak about the proper techniques to give a blowjob. And it’s not like I can even tell them that this information is useless to me since you have no intention of consummating our marriage.” 

…perhaps she had gotten a little too carried away. 

“I’m going to take a nap now.” She announced, trying to keep her voice steady and slipped under the covers without further ado. Her mind seemed to have returned after a brief period of insanity and it brought embarrassment back with her. How could she have said all of that outloud? And to Arnold nonetheless? That too with Oliver listening?

She felt like she could die of embarrassment. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad, maybe she could just die and start another loop and no one would have any remembrance of her mortifying blunder.

The pinkette evened out her breathing and pretended to fall asleep. If she was lucky, they would write it off as a stress episode caused by sleep deprivation and they would take pity on her and never bring this up again.

But no, things could never be that simple. “Your Highness,” He addressed Arnold in that voice that said that he was not going to tolerate any of his master’s nonsense, “What does Lady Rishe mean when she said that you have no intention of consummating your marriage?”

Rishe willed for the earth to open up and swallow her. Why is it that the one time she wanted to die, the world wasn’t cooperating? She did not need to be here for this conversation. 

Admittedly she was curious too because a lot of the time she felt like the enigma that was the crown prince of Galkhein liked her too and then he would go ahead and tell her things like this and it was all very confusing. But if it was only about this matter, she had her own guesses about why Arnold didn’t want to have intercourse.

“This is a matter between me and my wife,” he finally said. ”I don’t believe we need anyone else’s input.” The warning was clear but Oliver had not remained employed under a master like Arnold Heinz all this time without a spine of steel.

“Except that she wouldn’t be your wife.” Those words drew the thoughts swirling in Rishe’s mind to a short. “You may have forgotten but consummation is necessary in Galkhein for a marriage to be recognised.”

Arnold didn’t say anything and his attendant forged on ruthlessly. “This isn’t any normal marriage. There will be checks and failure to comply may lead to consequences falling squarely at Lady Rishe’s feet. And, I need not tell you what kind of reaction the Emperor may have to this.”

That could not happen. If she was found lacking in being able to complete her duties, then this might be a good reason to throw her out of Galkhein and Rishe needed to stay by her husband’s side. (She wasn’t quite sure it was all about preventing the war anymore. Oh it was still on her to do list but somewhere along the way Arnold himself had become equally as important. She dreaded to think what had happened to push him over the edge.)

 Oliver spoke more gently this time. “I can speculate why you said that to her but there might be a bigger risk if you don’t.”

Rishe heard the sound of a chair scraping against the floor as Oliver stood up. “I’ll let you think about it.” Then there were footsteps and the sound of a door opening and closing. 

Rishe had her own thinking to do but before she could get far she sensed a presence close to her and the bed dipped as someone sat next to her. 

“I know you’re awake Rishe,” She knew better than to fight a losing battle, especially against this man, so she turned from her side so that she was laying on her back and opened her eyes to find the blue-haired man peering down at her.

When he didn’t speak, Rishe scooted to the side and pulled at his arm. Unusually compliant for once, he crawled into bed with her until they were lying face to face. 

“Is it that you don’t want to or that you don’t think you can?” She didn’t have to precise what she was talking about, they both knew.

Arnold quirked his lips in a poor imitation of a smile and brought up a hand so that he could play with her hair. “You think I don’t want you?”

These words sent a jolt of something rushing through her but they were having an important conversation at the moment so she tried her hardest to ignore it. “Me too.” She whispered and his eyes darkened.

“From what you’ve told me,” she continued, “I can even make an educated guess why you’re scared. Frankly, I’m not thrilled at the idea of giving birth while that man is still alive either. But Your Highness, we are about to be married in two days, you don’t have to face this alone.”

Arnold breathed out heavily. He didn’t say anything but he tangled their fingers together. Rishe was acutely aware that this was not an agreement but she would let it be for now, this was a work in progress. 

“If we have to consummate the marriage to avoid unnecessary problems, we should.” She said bravely, hoping desperately that her face had not gone completely crimson. “There is more than one method of contraception to prevent a child from being born and 8 out of 10 times, they work perfectly fine.”

“Contraception?” Arnold asked like he had never heard of the word before. It was surprising coming from him but at the end of the day, he was a noble and people in this walk of life generally did not care to learn the benefits of contraception. 

“It’s mostly used by common people and there’s a variety of them that differs per region. It’s as good of a solution as any.”

“I know what contraception is…I just didn’t think of it. The risk…you said it works 8 out 10 times. But the…difference in my blood might lower the odds.”

“Then we can use several kinds at the same time to be sure.”

Arnold seemed to be thoughtful and Rishe didn’t push him for an answer. He seemed to be considering it and that was more than enough for now. Then, he smirked and she had time to think Uh oh before an arm snaked around her waist and pulled her closer. 

“You seem very invested that we are able to have our wedding night.” He lowered his voice in that way that always made her shiver. “I didn’t know you wanted-” His words were cut off as he shoved her hand over his mouth and glared at him in an attempt to keep him from saying anything more.

She should have known, he took too much joy in seeing her flustered to let this opportunity go.

She couldn’t help but jolt when she felt his lips touch her palm. Surprisingly though, he didn’t tease her like she thought he would. Instead he nuzzled their foreheads together. “It’s flattering.” His voice was sincere and Rishe’s heart beat loud enough she could hear it.

“You-you-” She turned her back to him in an attempt to escape his earnest gaze but she didn’t get far as he plastered himself against her back. The way they fit felt like puzzle pieces coming together.

They both stayed like that for a while, content in just basking each other’s presence before the blue haired man broke the silence. “You said something earlier - we are about to be married in two days and I don’t have to do this alone.” Rishe hummed to show that she was all ears.

“I…am grateful to have found you. Your presence by my side has improved many things and I am not simply talking about your miracle working. You might not be able to keep up with me quite yet but I don’t have to worry that you can’t handle yourself, even if sometimes you do reckless things and I know that you have my back and that…is a more wonderful thing that I ever thought possible for me.”

Rishe gave him all her attention. It wasn’t often that the crown prince talked about his feelings, let alone at length. “The thought of us being partners for the rest of our lives comforts me.” She was not going to cry, she was not.

“And I hope that I am able to offer you the same support you offer me.”

At that Rishe had to speak up. She turned around so that she was facing him again. “I have been happy with you. You are everything and more a woman can wish for in a partner. Truly Your Highness, I mean it. You have supported me in my admittedly less than conventional desires and you even help me get better at them. And don’t think I haven’t noticed how much you are indulgent of me. You have done much for me as well and I cannot think of anyone else I would want as a life partner.”

The words barely left her mouth when her fiance pulled her in for a kiss and like every time before, they had done so, all thoughts seemed to leave her mind. Every kiss sent electricity coursing through her veins and made her want to pull him even closer. It was unfair how good he was at that. 

When he pulled back, she was left panting. It was a good thing they were already lying down because her knees would have surely given out. Arnold trailed kisses on her jaw as they both tried to get their breathing under control.

“Will you tell me about your parents?” He asked finally and ah, she understood what this was all about. Rishe had been uncharacteristically tetchy since her parents had arrived as guests for their wedding. No doubt, her future husband had noticed, especially after her rant earlier. Even thinking about what she had said made her embarrassed.

But well it wasn’t like she had anything about her relationship with them that she wanted to hide. There was no point to it since she would probably never see them again and Arnold was smart enough to figure it out himself anyways. It just hadn’t come up in a conversation before. 

Rishe thought about where she should start. “My fate was decided before I was born. If I was born male, then I would have inherited the duchy and if I was born female, then I would be betrothed to Dietrich.”

The tightening grip on her waist was the only thing that gave away Arnold’ displeasure at hearing that name. It was a bit funny honestly because her ex was the last person Arnold needed to feel jealous of.

“A girl was born and she was raised to be the next Queen of Hermity Kingdom. Etiquette, the subjects I was allowed to study, my social circles, everything reflected that. Rishe didn’t exist, only the crown princess of Hermity did and it was suffocating . Then Dietrich broke the engagement and they didn’t even try to protect me, to find out the truth of the matter. No, that would have been unprofitable.” The bitterness in her voice shocked even her a little. “They didn’t hesitate to disown me.”

Arnold knew that much, he had been there. “And now they’re here, pretending like that never happened, pretending like it was their superior breeding and that it was their teachings that led you to take any interest in me when I’m quite sure you would hate what they tried to make me become. Additionally, to their knowledge, I’m only a political hostage but do they care about that? Of course not, they’re already making plans how this turn of events can benefit them. I thought I was done with them. When they cut ties, I thought, at least I won’t ever have to see them again but their shamelessness knows no bounds.”

Arnold was silent for a bit, processing her words and certainly reading in between the lines of what she had just said. Rishe could tell he was struggling to come up with something in response to that. She had felt much the same before, on the rare occasions he had revealed horrifying tidbits of his past.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

The bluenette pressed his lips to her forehead. “I simply did not expect you to have such parents. You are so bright, it never crossed my mind that such a restrictive childhood.”

“The fact that I have so many uncommon talents probably didn’t help.” She realised. “You must have thought that I had incredibly supportive parents who indulged all my interests.”

“Quite so.” He admitted.

“I can see how the misunderstanding arose but no, it’s simply that overly strict parents create very sneaky children.” She offered him a sly grin. “Well they do know that I have an interest in swordsmanship. When I made the request, they allowed it since it’s not unheard of for a Royal family member to know the basics of warfare. But I was good at it, too good even. In less than a year, I was on par with Dietrich and close to surpassing him. Consequently, he expressed his displeasure with the fact that I was taking part in such an unlady-like hobby and my parents forcibly stopped my lessons.”

“I cannot stand that fool.” Arnold finally gritted out. “I’ve done some research and most of his accomplishments seem like they should have been credited to you instead.” She didn’t deny it. Dietrich had an approach to life where he just wanted to enjoy all the perks that came with his status without the responsibilities attached to it, which usually meant that they fell to her to fulfill.

“The silver lining is that I don’t have to babysit him anymore.” She sighed. She hadn’t been thrilled to see him in Galkhein either. At least, her fiance had made sure to occupy him, somewhere away from her, without her needing to ask him to. Arnold was wonderful like that.

“Yes, and I assure you, I will do my utmost so you won’t have to see the Duke and Duchess of Hermity ever again.”

“That sounds like a plan.”

She felt the shape of his smile from where it was resting against her forehead. “Now, come on, if you’ve really only had 5 hours of sleep in the last three days, then you desperately need some rest.”

“Stay with me.” She requested tugging on his shirt and he looked down at her fondly. “I know you’ve been busy recently too. You could use some rest as well.”

He sighed and she knew he had won. “Very well.” He was never that easy to convince but a thought popped up that maybe he didn’t want to come from their current position either. 

She tried to banish the thought away so that she would not be needlessly excited, instead settling herself so that she could hear his heartbeat and soon enough her consciousness slipped away.

<>

When Rishe came back to awareness, it was with alarm as the arms around her tightened in a vice grip to an almost painful extent. She reacted on instinct, reflexes from her days as a mercenary and a soldier coming into play as jabbed in the direction of her attacker’s throat. The blow was enough to make him release his grip enough that she was able to escape him.

She jumped back and tried to assess the situation. Which loop was this? Where was she? An unfamiliar yet familiar bed and room and a man with hair as dark as midnight writhing in his sleep in front of her. She suppressed the instinctual desire to attack the threat while he was incapacitated.

She took a second to ground herself. I am Rishe Irmgard Weitzner, this is the 7th time loop I’m living in. I am currently 16 years old and set to marry Arnold Heinz the Crown Prince of Galkhein in two days.

Arnold was asleep and in the throes of a dream. Clearly, he hadn’t meant to attack her. Arnold, in this life, would never knowingly hurt her, she repeated those words in her head a few times before she was able to move. 

Now, how to wake him? Because Rishe had never seen Arnold in such a state. He wasn’t crying out like some people did when they had nightmares but she was shifting around in constant discomfort, his breathing was heavier than usual, he had almost squeezed her to death and he was emitting faint bloodlust even in his sleep. 

It was strange actually, Rishe had never seen him in such deep sleep before. Usually, he was a light sleeper from having spent all that time on a battlefield but today she had hit him in the throat which even the most foolish would have perceived as an attack and he had not only let her get away but he was still asleep. She wondered what kind of horrible dream had him trapped.

“Your Highness.” She tried calling out. It was the best option to start with lest he actually attack her this time. “Wake up!”

When he didn’t respond, she inched forward and wrapped a hand around his wrist, “Prince Arnold!”

He jolted awake and in the next second, Rise found herself pinned under his mass. The look in his eyes was something that haunted her nightmares sometimes - the cold, empty eyes he looked at her with before she died. 

But this wasn’t that man. Whatever had happened to turn him into that hadn’t happened yet. He was still the Arnold she fell in love with so she repeated his name gently and he seemed to come to himself. 

“Rishe.” His voice was hoarse and she could detect horror seeping in his tone even as he lurched back, releasing her wrists from where he had had them pinned. “I apologise.”

She reached towards him and he flinched. Her soon-to-be husband seemed all too much like a skittish animal at the moment so she left her hand extended in his direction, giving him the choice where to take it. “Arnold, please come here.”

To her surprise, not only did he take her hand but he went a step further and reached out to hug her. HIs whole body sagged as he put all his weight on her and they went sprawling on the bed. She was once again under him but in a very different context. She didn’t let his action astonish her for too long and reached out to thread her fingers through his locks while he breathed.

“That must have been some nightmare.” She said after a while, breaking the silence that had settled over them. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Her words seemed to pull Arnold away from whatever trance he had fallen in and he shifted to put some distance between them before sitting up. “ I hurt you.” And whatever Rishe had expected from him, it hadn’t been this.

“You were having a nightmare. “ she tried to reason, “You didn’t mean your actions and I wouldn’t call this hurt exactly, you simply grabbed me with a little force but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say however because Arnold’s face darkened further and he shook his head. “I had a dream where I killed you. I didn’t even hesitate.” He breathed out in even tones and Rishe was pretty sure her heart could have stopped from the shock. 

A little voice in her head whispered of a possibility and she didn’t know if she wanted it to be right or not. “Describe it.” She heard someone say except that Arnold hadn’t spoken and there wasn’t anyone else in this room so it must have been her. 

The look of bafflement her fiance sent her was a little amusing, mostly before she normally would never have an opportunity to see him wearing that expression but she couldn’t enjoy it quite as much as she wanted as the realisation set in that she might have come off a little crazy asking that question. 

But well, since she had already started, there was no reason to backtrack. “How did I look? How did you kill me?” She asks.

Arnold had a vaguely haunted look on his face that she felt sorry about but he seemed to have realised that there is something more to her questions than pure insanity because he acquiesced and began speaking. 

“You had short hair and you were dressed like a knight of another kingdom. I walked towards you and you tried to fight me but you weren’t enough. That red-headed knight, Joel, took a fatal blow for you but it was in vain. I stabbed you through the heart.”

Rishe felt stricken. She could see the scene playing out in front of her as he uttered the words and her chest ached like there was still a sword in it. Was Arnold remembering? Would he ever one day remember everything like her or is this just a fluke? She was feeling as confused as she had felt the first time she was sent back to the past.

“Rishe?” Arnold spoke and she had to suppress a flinch at his voice because all she could remember at that moment is his voice asking them to surrender the princes or to die.

“See, it’s clearly a dream.” She forced the words out and mustered a smile, “Why else would I have short hair or wear the uniform of another Kingdom or Joel give his life up for me? He barely tolerates me. Dreams cannot be trusted to represent the truth accurately. “

Arnold stared at her silently, his face carefully blank in a way that told her that he was assessing her. Unfortunately, it was all to reminiscent of the emotionless face he wore in battle and staying carefully still was all Rishe could do to stop the terror from her memories to bleed through.

When he addressed her again, she almost got whiplash from how fast the direction of the conversation had changed. “You’re thinking of someone else again. I am curious of who you can be thinking of at such a time.”

Rishe recognised his tone from the last time he had saif those words and she replied instinctually. “I am only ever thinking of you.” …and perhaps everything that had happened today was getting at her because her found that her words came out more honest than he intended to. 

“You’re a terrible liar.” Arnold smirked. She opened her mouth to protest that she wasn’t lying just then but he didn’t give her opportunity. “Which is how I know you are telling her truth right now.”

He wore his emotionless mask again and Rishe had an inkling that she had just made a crucial mistake. “You aren’t lying, it is me who you were thinking of but I don’t recall doing anything that could lead to you having this sort of expression on your face. Unless it’s about something that I don’t remember. Your expression wouldn’t look amiss in one of my nightmares. “

It felt like the damocles sword had fallen. She knew her fiance, he would not say anything that he was not completely sure about. There was nothing she could do or say that would allow her to leave this night unscathed. She felt that either her secrets would have ti be sacrified or the budding trust in their relationship would have to be and well, put like this, it wasn’t even a choice.

She breathed in and out, feeling shaky in a way she had not since her engagement was broken for the first time, lifetimes ago. She felt like she was on the threshold of a monumental moment. She had to take a leap of faith here and she could only hope that she would land on solid ground and not fall to her death.

“You’re right on all counts.” She admitted as she looked him in the eyes unflinchingly. “I do know what you dreamt about because I remember it too and everytime you’ve thought that I was looking at someone else through you when we were together, I was in fact only thinking of the you from another time.”

Even in the midst of everything, she could admit that she felt a bit of satisfaction from the look on Arnold’s face. He looked like he hadn’t expected her to admit everything so easily and now that she had, he didn’t quite know how to react.

Then, abruptly he stood up from the bed and headed towards a chest. Rishe made no move to stop him yet, not knowing what was going on in his head. But then he drew a sword from it and she stilled. Was she to die at his hands again? She supposed that from his perspective, she did look terribly suspicious.

Should she try to tell him the truth? Would he even believe her? Perhaps, it was not a bad idea to end this loop here and try again. But what guaranteed that he would not remember again in another loop? Should she fight him then to make him listen to her?

She realised that she had zoned out when she felt something touch her hand. Arnold held the sword towards her, the blade pointed towards him and the hilt towards her. “Take it.” He commanded and she instinctively obeyed.

Only when she had it in hand, that she realised what he had done. She looked down at the sword and found it to be both familiar and unfamiliar. It was familiar in the sense that it was clearly one of Arnold’s swords but unfamiliar in the sense that she had no seen this specfic one before. It was smaller than his spare sword - the one that she carried into battle these days, this one seemed to be the perfect size for her to wield.

“Your Highness?” She questioned, stupefied.

The prince carefully perched on her bed again while maintaining a distance between them. “It was supposed to be a wedding gift.” He said finally, “I did not think you would have need of it so soon but use it if you feel threatened.”

It took a moment for Rishe to parse through the meaning of his words and understand that the threat he was referring to was himself. She could not understand how he had reached that conclusion but at least he seemed amenable to talking. 

“I’m not going to use the sword on you Arnold.” She felt tired all of a sudden. In every of her loops, there came moments that she knew would be decisive for the future in that life. She had thought that she had already made that choice in this life but this moment felt more important somehow.

“Why not?” Despite what Arnold himself might think, Rishe knew her future husband and that’s why she knew that in that instance, he was being nothing but painfully earnest. “If my dreams are right, then you have more than reason to. If I am capable of killing you without hesitation, then I am no better than that man. Maybe you should run me through and spare us both some grief.”

He didn’t have to precise who ‘that man’ was. The vitrol in his words told her everything that she needed to know and she couldn’t say that she liked the direction in which his thoughts seemed to be going. 

“Arnold, you are nothing like your father.” She hoped that he would be able to read her words as being sincere as she did him. “What you dreamt of was a completely different context.”

Her fiance reached forward and Rishe kept herself carefully still. It wouldn’t do for him to think that she was scared of him. He placed his hand over her chest and she knew knew what he was thinking before he even spoke. “I killed you. I don’t understand how you can even look at me,”

That she was prepared for it did not make the words any less jarring. I killed you. I killed you. What was the proper response to that? If only there was a book about the complications of time travel, her life would be much easier.

“You did.” She admitted. There was no way for them to pass this without that acknowledgement. Rishe placed her own hand over his own and held it against her heart. “But Your HIghness, if you’re thinking that you are like that man because you killed your wife in cold blood, then that’s not quite true. That night when you asked me to marry you was the first time we properly met in all of my lives. You didn’t know me back then.”

“And that makes it better?” He snatched his hand away.

“You’ve killed people on the battlefield before. As have I.” She admitted and watched as he made sense of that piece of information, “At that time, it wasn’t any different for you and I. We were simply enemies on the opposite sides of a battlefield and I simply met an opponent I could not defeat.  I don’t hold it against you.”

 “You’ve always been stupidly naive but this takes the cake. There is no question about whether you should or should not hold it against me. There is only one correct answer to that question.” HIs voice steadily rose in volume as he spoke until he was shouting. At least the room was soundproof, thank god for small mercies.. “What are you even doing here Rishe? In the castle of your murderer? Have you lost your damn mind?” 

In all her imaginings over what would happen if Arnold had once day discovered her secrets, this outcome had never crossed her mind. She always throught he might be angry, might feel betrayed or he might even try to use her knowledge for his own use but clearly she had given too little credit to the man she loved. 

He was kind, she was so kind that even after learning such a debilitating truth about her, his first concern was her wellbeing. And the man asked what she was doung here? Honestly. 

“I’ve told you this once before. It’s simply that in this life, I am resolved to be your wife.” 

It was almost comical the way in which he seemed to deflate at her words, all fight draining out of him.

“You madwoman.” He whispered, dragging a hand over his face. “Fine. Fine. Explain it to me.”

What to say? When to start? How to explain something she herself didn’t understand most of the time? Still, an explanation was necessary here. She could only pray it was enough.

“When I was 15, Dietrich broke off his engagement with me. I was lost and I went home in disgrace where my parents disinherited me. I didn’t know what to do or where to go. By some strange turn of luck, I met some merchants and I tried to sell them the dress I had on for some cash. Instead, the guild leader was impressed by me and offered to teach me.”

“The Aria Trading Company.” Arnold said in realisation and Rishe smiled before continuing. 

“I learnt and I travelled and I sold. I was happier and freer than I had ever been. But then in my 20th year of life, a war broke out. The Galkhein Kingdom was systematically attacking everyone else. I lost my life when the war reached the town I was in. I thought that was it for me but then I found myself standing back in a familiar hall, with familiar faces staring at me and Dietrich breaking off our engagement again. I was confused at first but I simply thought of it as a second chance. I rushed home so I could pack before my parents through me out and then rushed to the place where I met the merchants but the detour meant their caravan has already passed through. Instead, I decided to become an apothecary this time. I lived for 5 more years before war broke out again. I was a medic on the frontlines when I died at 20 again. I woke at 15 again and decided to become an alchemist. I died at 20 again and I woke up at 15th for the fourth time. I became a maid in that loop and I died getting my lady to safety at 20 once more. In my fifth loop, I became a hunter. That’s the first time I saw you and I didn’t stand a chance. In my sixth loop, I became a knight. That’s what you dreamt of. Then I woke up again in the my 7th life and I was determined to spend this life lazing around. But I needed money for that so I took a shortcut so I could get home sooner and take all my valuables that I could sell. I didn’t expect that I would come across you there nor did I expect that you asked me to marry you.”

She took a deep breath. “I refused at first, if you remember. But you were insistent and it’s not like I had a lot to lose. I’ve been to every Kingdom, you know? Except Galkhein so I thought I might as well. You were bringing me along as a hostage anyways so it’s not like I was going to have many responsibilities either so I could still laze around. And I thought I might be able to find out what pushed you to start a war. That was all it was at first. But then, I started to get to know you…and I…you’re kind Arnold. There was never going to be another alternative but me falling for you. And then..well…here we are. “

Her fiance was silent for a while and he finally spoke, he avoided the elephant in the room. “It makes sense now, how you have so many skills and how you know so many people who are unrelated to each other - Chief Tully, Doctor Hakurei, Michel Hevin, Milia, Raul, Yoel…I believe you.”

He fell silent again and Rishe did not speak up to add anything, allowing him to come to his conclusion. She had spoken her truth. It was up to Arnold now though there was no way she was letting him go, whatever be it he chose .

“I still don’t understand.” Arnold admitted finally. “I killed you not once but twice and I was indirectly responsible for all of your other deaths. How can you stomach to be here?”

“...I guess it's simply that I consider my different lives separate ones. I was a different person back then and the people I knew are different now. They're not the same, our relationship is not the same and can never be the same. There's a saying in alchemy that the flap of a butterfly's wings here can cause a storm on the other side of the world. It's similar, I suppose. Every choice I make differently changes the lives of the people I used to know. They're different. You're different. And I find it hard ascribe the actions someone did in a past life to them in a new life. I wouldn't say they're separate entities to me completely…but when I see someone I use to know, I simply see the potential there. Potential to be who I used to know or potential to be someone else. It's the same with you.”

And now for the crux of the matter. “I don't look at you and see someone who stabbed a sword through my heart. I do slip sometimes. But it only happens when I'm…distracted, unfocused. I've never been scared of you Arnold.”

“But maybe you should be.” He stated, looking away from her. “Who's to say I won’t cause your death this time too? Perhaps, I should break this engagement. It will be better for you to be further away from me.”

His words hurt. Rishe could understand where he was coming from but they hurt nonetheless. 

“You could.” She said evenly. “And then maybe you'll get news of my death in four years. Or maybe you'll live on not even knowing that I died.”

“Rishe!” 

“There's nothing wrong about what I said. I don't know why I'm stuck on this time loop. The only commonality in all of my lives is that I die in some way or another because of the war and I've never lived to see my 21st birthday. So if it's me alive that you want, then frankly, I'm safest by your side.”

She looked at him defiantly. She wasn't leaving, everything else could wait but he needed to know that.

Her partner knew her well enough by then that he could recognise a losing battle when it came to her so it wasn't very surprising to her when he sighed in defeat. “Very well, the wedding will continue as scheduled but…”

He stood up and gazed at her for a fee seconds before looking away. “...Rishe, you may be able to stand me but I can't look at you without seeing what I did to you now. I know you hope that in time, I will come to see things as you do but I do not know if I will ever be able to get past this.”

Rishe could feel her heart fall. What was the point of staying here if he would be keeping her at arms length? Would staying just leave them both in pain? In that case, wouldn't it be better for her to leave. They might not be happy without each other but at least her presence would not constantly torment him.

…would their story in this life end like this? 

“Arnold?” She mustered what felt like all the courage she had learned over her different lives. “Do you love me?”

Who would ever have thought she would one day ask someone that question, let alone so plainly?

“Or at least, did you…before finding out about this?”

The dark haired man didn't reply. He simply turned to look at her, his emotions plainly laid out on his face and she had all the answers she was looking for. 

She got out of the bed in turn and walked to face him. Rishe raised a hand towards his face but then hesitated and ultimately let it fall back down to her side.

“I realise now that I have been selfish in all of this. I will leave, you can tell everyone that I got wedding blues and ran away. I will make sure that you will never see me again in this life or any other life.”

What luck was it that she was already dressed practically. She just needed to leave. No need to take anything else. It would help to seel the image that she had suddenly panicked and ran away. 

She wouldn't be the first bride to have cold feet and she was sure Arnold would find a way to spin this to his favour. 

She walked towards the balcony and couldn't help but remember the first time she had jumped over it and how Arnold had caught her in his arms. And now she was going to jump it to get away from him. 

For the first time, she was unable to detect Arnold as he got closer to her until his arms snaked around her pulling her away from the balcony and into a firm chest. 

“No, I refuse.” He tightened his grip around the waist. “Who do you think you are to walk into my world and change it completely and then decide leave. You're staying right here with me.”

“Your Highness…”

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Don't leave me Rishe. I love you. Of course, I love you. Nothing else was ever an option when it comes to you.” 

“It was your idea to go our separate ways a second ago.”

“I am a fool.” He rested his forehead in the nook of her neck. “When I saw that you were serious about leaving and never seeing me again, I could not bear the thought. I am a selfish man and though I know I might hurt you, I don’t think I know how to live without you anymore.”

He pressed his lips to her neck. “Stay. I will spend my life listening to your every word to repent for my actions. We'll work together to figure out the time loops and I won't let you die again. Please Rishe.”

“...alright.”

Rishe knew that things weren't going to be this simple. Arnold would keep blaming himself and she would hurt him and they would argue over the best course of actions. 

But she couldn’t say that she wanted to make another choice. It would all be worth it if only she could stay by his side. 

The rest - well, they would face it together.