Work Text:
Hiemchen awakens to a pale grey ceiling.
Okay. That meant she wasn't in the interrogation room anymore at least. She must have passed out when...when...wait. Did that mean...?
She looked to her left. Sure enough, her arm was missing, wires poking from the empty rotator cuff like colourful, angry worms. Great. At least it should be an easy fix.
She assessed her surroundings warily, pressure sensors humming to life. She was on a medbed, the paper-thin blankets draped haphazardly over her lower half.
The dull curtain separating the beds was mostly drawn save for a small gap, through which she could see the supine form of another replika on the bed. It looked like an eule from the legs, though it was hard to tell fully from this angle; she could only see from the waist down.
She sat up to glimpse a little more, and noticed now that the eule was missing her right arm.
"Looks like you could use a hand too, huh?" She said, nervously.
Her mentor always said a joke was a good way to make an introduction; it lightened the mood. Made things less 'stiff'. She didn't quite get it but Hummel was considered the 'people person' of the cadre so she must be doing something right.
There was no response from the eule. Maybe she was unconscious?
Hiemchen hopped off the bed, wobbling a little as she adjusted to her new centre of gravity and ignored the errors that popped up to tell her the obvious.
With cautious fingers she drew back the curtains...and recoiled in horror.
The eule's face was a pustulent red crater. Shards of obsidian skullmetal stuck out at odd angles, through the gaps of which the dull folds of brain matter were seen. It could barely be described as a face, or anything resembling the human form at all. Instead, it was as if a deep, black-red, pungent bloom had blossomed out from the neck up.
Somehow she was still alive, her chest rising and falling with a stutter from where she lay. The fingers on her remaining hand twitched occasionally like the frantic spasming of a dying fish.
All Hiemchen could do was look and look and oh Revolutionary why couldn't she look away?
She was saved from her paralysis by hands shoving her to the side as a stern-looking eule pushed a tray of various tools and sanitation equipment to the bedside.
"Out of the way! Move! Schwalbe, Schwätzer. On me."
Two more followed through, gloving up and readying their masks.
"Yes, Generalchirurg."
"Nation Above...at least she's still breathing. Not a lot to work with here but I'll do my best. Schwätzer, if you could disconnect the primary nerve line we should be good to go."
The older looking eule glanced up, noticing her still staring in shock.
"For- someone get that ARAR out of here! Clear the room!"
"Wait! What about-"
The other eule (Schwalbe?) Pushed her hastily to the door, then through it, darting back in to assist the others.
"-me?"
She sighed, hunching over as she stared at the door that had closed in her face with a fwoosh of finality. Now what?
She went to find another nurse, trying to poke the wires back in as they shifted in a distracting way as she walked. She stopped at the first EULR she could find, who was bent over a counter writing up what appeared to be patient notes.
"Um. Hi?"
The nurse stood up, smiling.
"Hello! How can I be of assistance today?"
Hiemchen pointed to her missing arm.
"Oh! ARAR-3551! You're free to leave at any time. You've been discharged."
Wait, what?
"You...You can't leave me like this!" She sputtered.
The eule just gave her that fake service smile, though her eyes softened a little.
"My apologies! I'm afraid we simply don't have any replacement parts for your model specs!"
"Do you have any arms? I'd take an eule arm!"
The nurse shrugged, looking apologetic.
"I'm sorry, but my hands are tied. A lot of the mining facilities here are getting hit hard by the shortage situation. We simply don't have the parts to replace limbs these days..."
She looked around quickly before leaning in a bit too close for comfort to whisper at her.
"I've heard rumour that even the op-secs at Heimat are having problems! The war must have taken more than they thought..."
Heimchen didn't particularly care about politics so she just nodded politely, trying to cross her arms to close herself off before she remembered.
She tried not to panic. That had got her in trouble a mere cycle ago when she had been cornered by a kolibri for the stupid stunt she'd pulled. How was she to know that the order from the STAR had been a joke? Sure, rewiring the elevator to stop on every floor had seemed like an odd request but it had come from a protektor...a senior officer!
It was only when she had told Floh about it that the old ARAR had let her know her mistake. She had spent the morning trying to figure out how to sneakily fix the issue without anyone noticing when she had spotted the kolibri walking towards her, and then...thinking about the rest made her brain hurt.
Only 21 cycles old and she's minus an arm. Hopefully she could still work or else she'd be setting the record for youngest replika decommissioned at Borendt.
The current record was 49 days. ARAR-3548 "Mücke" had gotten stuck in the accessory tunnels she was developing when all of her modules had spontaneously blanked out, leaving her unable to find her way back or use the emergency comm systems.
They only found her body when the mynahs had complained of a sickly-sweet rancidness wafting into their dorm. By the time they had dragged the mess of wires and organ slop out it had been infested with maggots, who had perished themselves from glutting on replika flesh.
The unsettling mortician had been delighted to inform them it had been down to a manufacturing error. They were seeing more of them these days in the newer replika. Kakerlak had wondered aloud if perhaps the faulty newbuilds were being sent here on purpose, before signing a hasty apology for downing the mood.
Regardless, it was the kind of story that went around in hushed tones and hidden hands in the Den.
Behind the thin line of her mouth, Heimchen grit her teeth, rubbing the stump of her arm.
She didn't want to be one of them.
Luckily for Hiemchen, the cadre were largely sympathetic.
They made plans about how to swap shifts to give her the jobs that demanded less...dexterity.
Floh, who had tutted at the state they'd left her in, banged out and polished a metal dome from scrap metal to seal off her stump. Kakerlak had made sure the protruding wires were trimmed and affixed some terminal caps before Wespe welded the dome over the remains of her limb, testing it with a quick pat and a grunt.
They were no doctors but they knew hardware. At least now it didn't look like she had come straight from an accident. The cadre loved a project, especially one that wasn't work-related, so they were all in high spirits once the job was done.
All except for her.
The guilt burned. She was an obstacle now; a thing to be worked around. Planned around. Catered for.
It was ultimately that that made her volunteer to swap out for several night shifts the next rotation, much to the surprise of Kakerlak. It would mean missing out on a lot of game nights but that meant that someone else could play in her place. Whenever she took part they would all play with one arm behind their back; a style now playfully referred to as "the Hiemchen format". It was fun but she hated that, even there, they had to accommodate her.
Kakerlak's eyes were blank but her fingers were tinged with concern.
"Are you sure?"
QUERY: STATUS.
"I'm sure."
STATUS: ADEQUATE.
The ARAR nodded and left it at that. They didn't have many rules down in the Den but there was one they did like to keep: you never lie with your hands.
Hummel had been her mentor but in her absence, Kakerlak had taken up fierce possession of her tutoring. No one had questioned her; she had been Hummel's mentor after all. It seemed only right.
She had also been the one to find Hummel 2 cycles ago. The one to clean up after the accident.
Kakerlak had always been the best of them at hiding herself, even for an ARAR, so when she had come in, shaking, her arms and chest stained with her mentee's oxidant, no words needed to be said. They all came together to hold her, feeling the tremors of grief gather and dissipate across their collective mass like ripples on a pond.
It was the first cycle of the new rotation, and Hiemchen prepared herself for the night shift. It was a fairly easy route, passing through the maintenance shafts on F2 and F3 to perform the routine checks on the regulatory systems of each floor.
She adjusted her utility belt with the basic tool loadout. If she needed specific equipment she could always come back but usually there were few problems that couldn't be solved by an adjustable wrench, a couple of screwdrivers and some insulation tape.
She tapped one of the painted bees on the wall for luck; a habit she had learned from Hummel. Then Wespe came up to her and clasped her arm, giving the usual parting words when one of them was going out on a job.
BE SAFE. BE CAREFUL.
She returned the gesture, and scurried forth.
She loaded up her checklist as she made her way through the tunnels. Inspected the heating and ventilation systems through each one. The panel to the fuse box for the lights in F2D had been left open (she'd have to check who was on shift before her...) but other than that it was all quiet, save for the muted clunking of a patrolling STAR in the corridor below.
It wasn't until she got to F3 that she noticed something. A noise. An ethereal sound that traveled down the tunnels. As she got closer, she thought she could feel the vibrations of the low notes through the metal beneath her fingers, the digits tinging pleasantly as she crawled.
She stopped at the source, finding herself looking through a vent into F3B. The music room.
At the piano was a single eule. She sat, shoulders back and head held high as white-gloved fingers waltzed across the ivories, slow and somber.
Hiemchen quirked her head. Sure, eules in the music room was hardly a rarity, but it was odd for one to be out so late. And alone. The sociable replika usually travelled in gaggles of 2-4.
Then her lips parted, and the ARAR's breath caught in her chest as a chilling soprano filled the room. If the keys of the piano were a solemn sway, the voice was a piercing light upon the dance floor.
Despite the dour tone, the strength of the eule's song was undeniable. Hiemchen felt the reverberations of the sharp notes in her ribs and pressed her hand there, wondering if she could trap the music inside herself somehow.
Though she couldn't understand the language that was being sung, she wondered who must have died, to elicit such sadness. It felt like the distant memory of...something, washing up like a stray shell carried to the shoreline by the gently stroking tides.
She shook her head, clearing the strange, fuzzy edges of thought. She couldn't stay here listening forever, as much as she wanted to. She had to finish her shift.
She sighed and moved on, the sombre notes haunting her every step.
Over the next rotation, Hiemchen became a shameful voyeur.
The routine was the same each evening: load up, tap a painted bee, greet the doorman and hurry through her tasks so she could sit and listen to the music for a while in F3B.
If Kakerlak noticed the change in her demeanour as she jumped eagerly to reach one of the higher bees to touch, she kindly didn't point it out. She just took her arm, warm and firm as usual.
BE SAFE. BE CAREFUL.
She echoed it back, tense excitement brewing in her chest.
As she came closer to the vent overhanging F3B, she felt once again the vibrations at her fingers. She took up her usual spot and closed her eyes, letting the notes sink into her flesh.
Suddenly the music stopped and near took her heart with it from the abrupt absence. That strong voice echoed once more.
"I know you're there. I can hear you moving around. You can come out if you want; I don't bite."
The eule was looking up at the vent. Right into her eyes.
Fear lanced through her. She had been caught. What should she do? She could run...but what if the musician never came back? What if she'd never hear those sounds again?
Swallowing down the thudding in her chest, she gingerly unlatched the vent and stuck her head through like a timid mole.
"Hello," said the eule, her hands held politely at her lap as she smiled benignly, "Why don't you come sit with me?"
Hiemchen emerged, her feet hitting the floor with a clatter as she wobbled. She still hadn't gotten used to her new balance, and she rubbed over the metal of her stump, suddenly self-conscious. As requested, she pulled up a chair, plonking herself down in front of the pianist, who looked at her missing arm ony briefly before those bright blues were on her again.
"You were listening." It wasn't a question.
The arar fought the urge to retreat back into the tunnels.
"Uh...yeah. Actually, I listen a lot."
She waited for the angry outburst but it never came. The pianist sat placidly, her face more like an arar's than any eule as she inspected her, waiting.
"Well? What do you think?"
The answer should have been obvious.
"I think it's beautiful," Hiemchen breathed.
The eule scoffed, face scrunched as she turned away.
"I don't need your pity."
Hiemchen panicked. How could she convince her she was teling the truth? She stumbled over to tap on the side of piano before remembering that EULRs didn't talk hand and she probably looked like an idiot. The pianist was sitting patiently though, looking at her curiously as she fumbled internally before she remembered how to use her outside voice.
"It's true! I like your songs, even if they make me feel...sad."
The eule's eyes were warm now as she smiled, stretching out her fingers with a slight pop.
"I'm glad they made you feel something. I have a bit of trouble getting into the swing of it these days."
"You make it look like no trouble at all," said Hiemchen.
The eule laughed into her hand.
"You're sweet."
She turned to her again, raising her arm out in greeting.
"I'm Soor. I'm sorry if I came across as rude. My voice hasn't been the same since...well..." She trailed off, her eyes a little glassy.
As Hiemchen stepped in closer to take the gloved hand, she noticed something. Thin, silvery marks that travelled, web-like up Soor's neck and face. As if her porcelain-pale skin had been cracked and hastily glued back together.
She gasped as a horrific, red-stained realisation flashed into her mind.
"It's...It's you...from the medbay."
Soor visibly flinched, eyes wide and pupils constricted. Her entire body retreated into something rigid and hostile.
"Get out," she said quietly, through clenching teeth.
Hiemchen could feel the pricklings of panic starting to threat through her lines. Had she done something wrong?
Her hesitation was a mistake; the eule stood with clenched fists and eyes screwed tightly shut as she shouted.
"I SAID GET OUT!"
The ARAR scuttled back through the vents with haste, fear and confusion coursing through her.
The next cycle was throwing Hiemchen through a loop.
She had been so excited to see the mystery eule with her beautiful evening song and now she had barely even gotten her name before she had messed it up.
She clenched at the hair on her head in frustration. Hummel would have known what to do. But Hummel wasn't here anymore.
She thought of asking someone else but then that rancid guilty feeling started bubbling up again. She'd already asked too much of them lately.
She was nearly 40 cycles old. She could fix this herself.
She approached the painted bees. In the rotations since Hummel had passed, the empty spaces had been filled with every style of the colourful bugs from every hand that had known hers. She picked out the ones she had painted, trailing by the floor. There hadn't been much space left, especially since Vielfraß had taken it upon herself to paint a singular, ginormous bee slap bang in the middle of the wall. Besides, she hadn't wanted to take up space.
"Wish me luck," she whispered, before knocking out Hummel's name on the obnoxiously large insect. Laus watched her walk over.
"Good choice; I like that one."
BE SAFE. BE CAREFUL.
"I thought you liked all of them?"
BE SAFE. BE CAREFUL.
Laus chuckled.
"I do. Every single one. Have a good shift, Heimchen."
The crawl to F3 was torturous. Hiemchen found herself procrastinating by doube-checking the dials, interfaces and wires.
At last, she couldn't put it off any longer but noticed that the usual vibrations...the melodies...they were all absent.
Had Soor decided not to come?
It was only when she got to the vent exit that she startled.
Soor was waiting, standing in front of the vent. She was carrying a tray, adorned with a pink, steaming mug.
Their eyes met and Hiemchen felt paralysed under her gaze, until Soor sighed, blinking and looking away.
"It's okay; I won't yell at you again. Promise."
Nervously, the arar popped the vent lid off, crawling out like an overlarge beetle.
Soor offered her the tray.
"It's for you," she said with a gentle smile.
Hiemchen took the mug in her hand. It was a brown liquid that smelled delightful. Familiar. Hot chocolate, she thought with certainty, though she wasn't sure where those words came from. She nervously shuffled from foot to foot, feeling like she wasn't allowed to drink it yet.
Soor put her hands together and took a deep breath, speaking as if she had been rehearsing the lines for some time.
"About yesterday...I was...I didn't expect for so many people to see me...like that. It upset me and I took it out on you. It was incredibly rude of me, and I'm sorry."
Hiemchen blinked. Was it really so simple? Maybe it hadn't been her fault after all? She considered her words carefully.
"Accepted. I shouldn't have pried anyway."
"I'm sorry you had to see that," the eule grimaced, looking to the floor.
"I'm sorry you had to experience it," the arar replied.
In the stilted silence that followed, Hiemchen took a cautious sip from the steaming mug, and felt the pleasant, liquid warmth moving through her.
It was sweet. She liked it.
"Did you make this?" She asked, going straight for a big chug and wincing internally as the slightly-too-hot liquid hit the back of her mouth.
"I did!" Said the eule, brightening instantly. "We're not really supposed to use supplies for 'leisure' but I don't think anyone cares about a small snack here or there."
Hiemchen blanched mid-sip, choking a little on the sudden guilt.
"Y-you won't get in trouble for this, will you?" She coughed out.
"Oh no. No one will know anyway; powdered goods are what we have the most of these days. It's why the ration mash is a staple..." Soor grimaced apologetically, as if it were her fault.
"So you work the kitchens?"
"I have for the last couple of rotations. Morning meals get prepped the night before so it means I get the night shifts."
"You want the night shifts? Why?"
Soor crossed one leg over the other as she rested her cheek in one palm, gazing at her curiously.
"You sure do have a lot of questions!"
Hiemchen hunched, embarrassment prickling through her ribs.
"Sorry."
The eule waved her off, smiling reassuringly.
"No, no! It's fine! I just want expecting you to be so interested."
The arar shifted anxiously again, hiding her face with another sip.
"I haven't really talked to any EULRs yet. Motte and Ameise say they're good to talk with, especially to practice social stuff, but there's always a big group of them. Makes me nervous..."
Soor frowned.
"Oh...now I feel even worse for yelling at you..."
"Sorry."
The eule sighed, exasperated.
"Stop apologising! It was my fault, remember?"
Hiemchen nodded, still feeling in the wrong. Soor spoke up again, a little hesitant.
"Truth be told, I've been having difficulties reintegrating with the others."
The ARAR quirked her head.
"Are they mean to you?"
She shook her head, smiling.
"No. They've been quite lovely actually. They usually are. It's just..."
She paused, opened her mouth as if to say something then stopped, looking away. Hiemchen settled onto the floor, crossing her legs. Maybe it would be easier if she were smaller. Sometimes that helped.
That same mouth that sang so wistfully in the night opened once more.
"They said I came back different. Not better, not worse. Different. The Soor they speak of...speak to...she's not here anymore. To me, it feels like she never has been. I don't really know what to do with that. All I know is that it makes them uncomfortable to look at me."
"I'm sorry."
"Oh fo- stop apologising you dope! Come sit with me; that can't be comfy down there!"
Hiemchen was perfectly comfortable on the floor but she obliged. At her side she could feel the gentle warmth of Soor's body as she fiddled with her gloves before she continued.
"Anyway, what I suppose I'm saying is that it's less lonely to be alone these days, if that makes sense."
The arar nodded. She understood perfectly.
"So how about you? Why are you on nightshifts?"
Hiemchen fidgeted in her seat.
"The others don't like them much so I volunteered."
Warmth at her shoulder. A hand.
"That's very kind of you."
"It's more...necessary, than kind."
"How so?"
Hiemchen squirmed a little. Was she being too honest, too soon? But Soor had been open with her, so she felt her resistance crumbling.
"I have to be useful. It's been hard since..."
Soor's gaze flicked to her stump, then back.
"I see. Do you mind if I asked what happened?"
"Not really."
A beat.
"...Soooo, what happened?"
"Vielfraß suggested I might help with one of her pranks."
Soor grimaced.
"Oh. Her. Yes that tracks; she's a bit of a known nuisance."
"Well, she's sort of our nuisance now, so don't go too hard on her."
An elegant brow raised as the eule smirked slightly.
"Is that so? I'll bear that in mind."
Hiemchen wasn't sure what that look on her face meant but she suddenly felt worried for Vielfraß.
Hiemchen was getting frustrated.
This should be a routine fix. Easy even for newbies, but the lack of an arm meant that holding the pin wires still while trying to screw them into the breaker was a nightmare.
She felt the steady hand of her mentor at her shoulder..
"Try holding it closed with your teeth or foot."
BE PATIENT. BE KIND.
"Would be a lot easier with 2 arms..."
ANGER.
"I get that but you've got to work with what you have. At least until we can come up with a solution. So: teeth or feet. Your choice but you have to learn to adapt."
After 10 more minutes of frustration, they decided to take a break and headed for the Den, only to hear the beginnings of a small commotion.
"I don't get it," said Wespe, glaring at the bright red BESTRITTEN stamped on the form in her hand, "how come your requets always get approved but mine don't?"
Floh just chuckled; a dry, raspy noise like the hissing of a roach.
"Give it 'ere."
The old ARAR read the paper aloud, toothpick jostling around her mouth as she tongued out the words.
"TO: ADLR-3599
SUBJECT: SUPPLY REQUEST
SENDER: ARAR-3555
REQUEST: type-65 automated drill with XL-6D attachment."
Floh scratched her chin, humming in disapproval.
"Ah. Now there's y'problem."
"I don't see any problem! It's brief and to the point! Efficiency; he loves that shit!"
But Floh shook her head.
"He's a man. Maybe th' most lonely man t'exist, I reckon. So, what's a man like that really want?"
She leaned back on her chair and rapped on the arm.
AFFECTION.
Wespe's eyes bulged as her foot stamped heavily against the floor.
"Are you suggesting we write a love letter?"
QUERY: ARAR-3590 EXPLETIVE SERIOUS. STATUS: ANGER.
"Not 't all. Here."
She pulled out one of her own forms, stamped with a green GENEHMIGT. Wespe read it out, and her characteristically loud voice was enough to make a couple of masked heads turn curiously.
"TO: ADLR-3599
SUBJECT: SUPPLY REQUEST
SENDER: ARAR-3590
Esteemed comrade ADLR-3599,
I must thank you for your continued diligence in maintaining order of the facility during the ongoing shortages. Falke must be proud of her efficient administrator!
On a related note, I must request a replacement for 2 faulty multimeters. The current ones have a reading error of almost 10%!
I know that times are tight but I have faith in you, as I do in the Revolutionary Herself,
ARAR-3590"
Silence, as the cadre were rendered speechless, until Wespe gesticulated at the papers, holding them at arms length like an offensive odour.
"Where the fuck did you learn how to write like that?"
Floh just steepled her hands at her waist, tapping the floor with one foot as she cackled like a chorus of crows.
GATHER. LISTEN.
"Come round, one 'n all, an' learn what a friend 'o mine called the shit sandwich."
"Does it bother you?"
Soor was looking into a hand mirror when Hiemchen arrived that evening, frowning at her shattered reflection. She smiled when the arar took her regular spot next to her at the piano bench but it didn't reach her eyes.
"It does. Every time I look all I can think of is that this is never going away. A lot of the feeling in my face is gone; I can't make all of the expressions I used to. Or dance like I used to. There's a slight delay whenever I move. Only about 10-20 nanoseconds but I still notice it, every time."
Hiemchen was about to apologise again before she caught herself. She thought back to the previous evening, and put her hand on the eule's shoulder instead. Soor leaned into the touch as she continued quietly, sending a strange thrill into her chest.
"The worst part isn't even the pain. Sometimes my body siezes up and I get pressure warnings when there's nothing there. That's the other reason I prefer the night shifts. It happens less when there's less light and fewer replika around."
Her next words were quieter still. Hiemchen increased the pressure of her hand, moving her fingertips in the way her mentors had showed her.
"Sometimes I wish they'd left me there. Let her finish the job."
Her. STCR-3500. Gans.
Hiemchen's hand instinctively flew to her stump. She stroked over the domed metal soothingly as she spoke.
"If it helps; I'm glad you made it."
Soor placed a hand on her arm, smiling.
"It does. I'm glad I met you."
Her smile was far too bright. Hiemchen looked away, tamping down on the strange sensation burgeoning within. Her mind reached for possible solutions instead; a distraction.
"I read there's a type of red vine that can be grown in low light. People use to chew the leaves or steep them in hot water as a remedy for pain. I don't know if it works the same for replika, and I'm not sure it would do anything for your seizures, but maybe it's worth a shot at trying to order some in. "
Soor's eyes were wide.
"You have books?"
Shit. She wasn't supposed to say that. Only protektors had library access.
"We...have an arrangement," she said carefully.
Soor quirked an eyebrow, smiling.
"An arrangement, huh? I don't suppose I could get in on this arrangement? I'd love to get some new songs. Something happier, I think."
Hiemchen nodded, finding herself suddenly willing to do almost anything for the smile that brightened the room.
"I'll see what I can do."
There was one place to get books from as an ARAR, but Vielfraß wasn't in the best of spirits as she joined them for game night.
It seemed some EULR had emptied an entire shaker of salt into her meal that afternoon.
The old starling was becoming an increasingly common sight at the games, and around the Den in general. Though she still felt an itch in her missing arm at the sight of her, Hiemchen couldn't help but feel pity for the STAR, in place of anger.
Vielfraß had been oddly interested in her recently, especially since she had mentioned that Hummel had been her mentor. Ever since Hummel's death, it felt like the starling had been as much of a presence in her life as Kakerlak.
A couple of cycles ago, a younger STAR with a coy smile had been making her way over as she had been struggling to fix a light one-handed, only to be shoved away by Vielfraß, who took a backhand to the head for it, staggering with the force of the blow. She had helped the disoriented starling to her feet.
"What was that about?"
"Just Löwin being...Löwin. Stay away if you can, alright?"
Hiemchen was confused. Not like she was planning on hanging out with many STARs anyway.
"Why?"
Vielfraß paused, not looking her in the eye. She made a gesture on her remaining arm.
SEX DANGER.
Hiemchen snorted. The STAR was still new to kinesiochiral communication so the phrasing wasn't exactly right; childish and curious but she got the gist of it. Didn't judge her for it. After all, she was still learning too.
Vielfraß was clutching her head, wincing.
"You alright?"
"I'll be fine. Damn map module's just gone again..."
"Do you want me to take a look at it?"
Vielfraß laughed bitterly.
"It's not a standard hardware issue. Don't worry about it, kid."
She knocked on the wall as she limped away though.
GRATITUDE.
It was strange to be under the guard of the aging STAR. Maybe she still felt guilty about her missing arm. Maybe the permanent limp enacted on her by her cadre leader had taught her a lesson in empathy. Or maybe it was something else, glimmering like the look in her eyes whenever Hummel's name was mentioned.
She supposed it was a good thing the starling stuck around. Kakerlak seemed to like her for one reason or another, and she had been supplying the cadre with various books they would never have had access to otherwise.
It was for that reason she approached Vielfraß after the games. She had won the last round so she was in a good mood. It was the best time to ask.
"I need a book."
Vielfraß's eyebrows raised.
"Already? I just brought down a couple more...you guys eatin' 'em or something?"
"No...it's...a different type. I'm looking for music books."
The STAR put her hands on her hips, tilting forward curiously.
"Music? You having a dance party in there or something?"
Time to pull out a Hummel special.
"Nunya."
"Huh?"
"Nunya business!"
Vielfraß barked out a laugh, though it quickly turned into a sad smile.
"You sound like her, sometimes."
They both knew who she meant.
Hiemchen didn't know how to feel about that, so she stated the obvious.
"We are all modelled after the same gestalt, you know."
The old STAR shook her head.
"I used to think like that too. Then I started noticing all the differences. First in my cadre. Then yours. They feed us the same lines every day, the same food, give us the same jobs...but the truth is that, despite it all, everyone blooms into their own person, even down here."
She paused. Looked off into the distance with something almost wistful.
"I only wish I'd noticed sooner."
Hiemchen was quiet, letting her sit in whatever rose-tinted wonderings she had gotten into before shaking herself out of it.
"Anyhow, I'll grab something for your eule friend the next time I'm in the library for you guys."
The ARAR flinched in surprise but the starling just smiled knowingly.
"Oh come on! A book of songs? We all know that's eule business. I won't ask who but I'm not about to turn down the chance to help wingman a friend!"
"Right...thanks," said Hiemchen, awkwardly, unaware that they had even become friends. Vielfraß was more like a strange relative that popped into the family gatherings uninvited. Maybe that was enough of a foundation for friendship.
Vielfraß was just about to leave before she turned around sharply, finger pointed upward in revelation.
"Oh! Before I go, could you teach me a phrase in hand-ese? I want to play a prank on Kaker. Completely harmless, I swear!"
Hiemchen was suspcious; the last 'prank' had lost her an arm but the STAR made sure to knock a quick SERIOUS into the wall so she obliged.
She didn't know what "I saw you and your partner from across the room and I really dig your vibes" meant, and there definitely wasn't a literal translation for it, but she did her best.
Her conversations with Soor became a nightly ritual.
She would tell her about the latest gossip passing through the Borendt rumour-mill ("You know the shift mortician? Würger? She's always been a bit too into her line of work so we think that...well...perhaps that's too rude to say..." "Oh, oberfeldwebel Schwan? I thought she and Wölfin were a thing but I swear I saw her asking Pirol for 'private music lessons'...as if! What would a storch want with those?" "I don't know why but someone started a rumour that the ration mash has ground gestalt bones in it and now the mynahs are too scared to eat it...").
Hiemchen felt like she didn't have much to contribute in return, often just listening and nodding when she thought it appropriate.
Sometimes Soor would ask her things she hadn't really considered before. Things like 'favourite colour' ("mine's pink!") Or 'where would you go, if you could go anywhere' ("I know it's basically a desert but at least I'd have some sun in Kitzeh!").
Today was one of those question days, it seemed.
"So...what kind of replika do you like?"
What an odd question. Hiemchen answered it honestly.
"Anyone who's kind, I suppose."
Soor giggled, like windchimes in a gentle breeze.
"That's sweet, but I meant physically!"
That was more difficult, given each replika was designed to look like all the others of its type. She gave it some thought, her knee bouncing out a rhythm on the music room floor.
"EULRs are generally designed to be the most physically appealing, as the main front-facing replika."
The eule tapped a finger to her chin in thought. Had that been the wrong answer?
Soor looked at her with a smile. Her cheeks were slightly pink.
"Hmm. Well I think ARARs are much cuter."
Hiemchen blinked. It was an unusual choice; ARARs weren't exactly designed for beauty, expression or personality.
She was still pondering when Soor sighed, poking her in the arm.
"Hiemchen. I'm calling you cute. It's a compliment. For you."
Oh! Oh.
"Oh. T-thank you."
Hiemchen was fairly sure she would be blushing if she could.
She hadn't really considered the possibility of liking someone but, now that the door had been forcibly kicked down, here she was, standing awkwardly in the doorway of it.
Oh no...how long had she been silent for? She should say something. Her eyes darted to the side, worried, but Soor was still smiling patiently, seemingly enjoying her internal squirming.
"I...I think you're cute too..."
Those baby blue eyes could have lit up the entire room, and when Hiemchen returned to the Den, the round shapes of the bees seemed brighter and fluffier than usual.
"I need to talk to you," said Kakerlak one day, taking her to one side of the Den.
SERIOUS.
Hiemchen bristled with nerves. Had she done something wrong?
QUERY: ARAR-3551 FAULT.
Kakerlak shook her head firmly but said nothing more as they walked. Past the curling painted vine, the trail of painted bees and the purple bloom that hung magnificent, over Kaker's bunk like a serenade of her person.
Her mentor sat on the bed, gesturing for Hiemchen to do the same. She looked like she was struggling with the words, even as her foot knocked against the floor.
POSITIVE NEWS.
"They recovered Hummel's arm. The left one. Right was butchered."
"What does that mean?" Hiemchen asked, already knowing the answer.
"It means," said Kakerlak slowly, "that there's an arm for you. If you want it."
Hiemchen was silent, unsure how to answer. This was good, right? Then why was an unseasy feeling creeping into her heart?
Kakerlak noticed her hesitation. Clapped a hand on her shoulder and said.
"Just give it some thought."
NO RUSH. YOUR CHOICE.
And then she was walking away, leaving Hiemchen with the uncomfortable weight of...something in her stomach.
She has her first dream that cycle. Hummel's body, cut into several manageable pieces by the mortician, who looked at her suddenly with Soor's face. Her bedazzling smile.
"One arm or two?"
When she looks back to the body, she sees her own, dead-eyed face.
She twitches awake to the sleeping figure of Floh, who had pulled a scavenged chair up by the bunk to watch over her. The toothpick was barely hanging on at her cracked lips.
Hiemchen tapped a quick GRATITUDE on the snoring ARAR, then went back to sleep.
This time, nothing met her but darkness.
She hadn't meant to bring it up to Soor but it had fallen out of her like a loose screw.
"I don't know what I should do. Things would be a lot easier with both arms."
Soor reached forward to brush a strand of hair out of her face, and though she was incapable of blushing proper she felt the heat through her lines. She had to push forward now though. She had already committed.
"People will wonder what she would have thought. What she would have said. It feels like I'm taking from her and she can't even tell me yes or no."
The eule nodded, swinging her legs as she sat. Hiemchen enjoyed those motions, which often accompanied the jittering of her own restless legs. She chewed her lip a little as she spoke.
"I get what you mean, but at the end of the day, Hummel's dead. She can't say or want anything anymore. You have to choose. Not me. Not anyone else."
Hiemchen looked to the floor as her chest sank. Felt the relieving pressure of that hand appear on her back, holding her close in a side hug.
"I know it's hard. I know it's not fair. If it helps, I'm not going to judge you either way. After all, I had to make the same choice."
Hiemchen's head whipped around so fast she got wire strain in her neck.
Soor was smiling sadly, her gaze fixed on the ivories in front of them.
"They managed to recover most of my arm but the hand was almost entirely crushed. They offered me a replacement and I took it. They won't tell me who owned it, but I already know. I won't tell them though; I think they like to feel like they're protecting me, so I have to do the same, in my own way."
Hiemchen nodded, snaking her own arm around the eule's back to reciprocate the embrace.
"I get it. Like family, right?"
Soor nodded.
"Very much so. At least with you I don't have to try and be the Soor that was. I can find happier songs to play."
Oh! That reminded her. Hiemchen strode over to her toolbox and produced a battered book of sheet music Vielfraß had procured for her. Soor's eyes widened.
"Is that...?"
Hiemchen nodded, offering it to her. She flicked it open to the first page and burst out laughing.
"Did I get it wrong?" The arar asked, confused.
Soor shook her head, stifling the giggles.
"No, I just wasn't expecting the first page to be Ruhm der Kaiserin!"
"Is it a good song?"
"It was, the first 50 times I heard it! Not so much now..."
"I've never heard it before."
Soor winked, hitting Hiemchen straight in the heart like a probing proboscis.
"Well in that case..."
Her fingers danced across the keys like second nature, producing a triumphant march of melody. It felt like a victory song. Hiemchen was in awe.
When she finished, Soor smiled fondly, flexing her digits.
"Phew! Amsel might have been a crazy bitch but she sure had some good hands."
She turned to Hiemchen once more, eyes hooded as she smiled.
"Thank you for this. You really are the sweetest thing."
Soor leaned in and from here, Hiemchen could map the planes of her face. The pale polymer skin was streaked with those darker cracks, enhanced by a blush that dusted her cheeks like pollen on a bee's back, those silvery mycelial networks connecting all the most expressive parts of her.
They sat in silence, faces mere inches away, until Soor sighed dramatically, rolling her eyes.
"Hiemchen. Please just kiss me."
"Oh! Gotcha."
Her lips met Soor's, swift and unsure; a beetle alighting on a rose petal before taking off again.
"Did you feel that?" She asked, her lines on fire.
Soor tilted her head, a graceful finger to her lips.
"I'm not sure. You should do it again."
"Okay."
So she kissed her again.
"Hmm. Still not sure."
And again.
"Maybe one more?"
And again.
Then it clicked.
"Oh! You're doing this on purpose!"
Soor broke into giggles, her entire face lighting up.
"I was wondering when you'd notice!"
Hiemchen felt embarrassment flooding through her wires. Soor stroked gently down her arm and she tried to focus on that instead of the humiliation.
"You're cute when you're confused!"
"How can you tell? My face is the same."
"Sure but your fingers do this thing..." She mimicked the gesture, giggling.
Hiemchen felt like a fool. Soor seemed to notice, her smile falling away into a concerned frown.
"Ah. I've upset you, haven't I?"
"Only a little..." She admitted.
The eule frowned, hugging her arm to her chest. It was warm and soft.
"That still matters to me. Look, how about I have a signal for when I'm joking, so you can tell?"
"Yeah, that's a good idea. We have a sign for that anyway."
"A sign? Like sign language?"
Oh. She shouldn't have said anything.
"Um. Sort of? It's between us ARARs though. Not really meant for others."
Soor smiled, a finger to her lips.
"I won't tell a soul. Promise."
With nervous fingers, Hiemchen tapped out the symbol for PLAYFUL on her arm. It was one of the first words she was taught; ARARs were slow to learn the nuance of vocal language so the 'five foundational tone indicators' (AFFECTION, UPSET, PLAYFUL, RUDE, SERIOUS) were hammered into her early. The real word for a literal "joke" was a bit more complicated; something like PLAYFUL DIRECTIVE, but this would do for now.
When she was finished, Soor's eyebrows knitted together.
"I'm not sure I get it. I might need you to touch my arm again."
Hiemchen was about to repeat the symbol before she felt fingers on her own arm.
PLAYFUL.
Soor was grinning, and Hiemchen's insides were bustling with fireflies.
She kissed her again. You know; just to make sure.
The next night, Soor didn't show up. Hiemchen had waited and waited.
But she never came.
She returned to the Den, feeling sick, like cold, heavy, squirming worms had infested all the branches of her ribs to weigh her down.
Maybe it wasn't her fault? Perhaps she had a day shift this time. Or perhaps Hiemchen had finally annoyed her beyond her limits...
She went to bed, feeling terribly alone.
When the morning came, she went to breakfast without the others, not feeling up to company. She wasn't alone for long, however, as she heard a familiar voice behind her on the way to the mess hall.
"Henny! I was hoping I might find you!"
...Henny?
She blinked in confusion as the smiling figure of Soor jogged over to her.
"I've been assigned to cover the morning shift for a few cycles. One of the gestalts got sick...I hope you weren't worried!"
"I was a little bit," she admitted. She found she didn't like lying to the EULR, hands or no.
"I'm sorry; I should've found a way to contact you sooner but it's tricky finding you guys sometimes!"
Should she tell her? She probably shouldn't tell her...
"If you need to find me again, I have a way."
WHY did she tell her that?!
Soor smiled coyly, a faint pink to her cheeks.
"More of your secret language? You sure know how to make a girl feel special!"
"Curl your fist for a second."
Soor complied, and Hiemchen felt heat in her neck as she gently clasped the hand and brought it to the wall.
"Like this, if you want to call me. If I'm working this floor I'll hear it or feel it."
5 short, 1 long, then 3 in rapid succession.
Soor practiced it a few times, grinning as Hiemchen nodded.
"Let's walk to mess hall together; I have to finish cleaning the kitchen anyway."
The arar nodded and they continued on their way. A few feet forward however and Hiemchen noticed that Soor wasn't next to her anymore. She had frozen, a few steps behind.
"What's the matt-"
Then she saw it, or rather her. The striding form of STCR-3500 "The Goose" Gans. Near 8ft of cruel steel cast a grim, blugeon-like shadow up the wall as she walked.
Hiemchen's lines went tight but she fought the instinct to flee into a hatch and hurried back to the wide-eyed eule. She took her hand and tried to pull her to the side, out of the way, but Soor's body was stiff and unmoving.
As the shadow of Gans came and went the storch barely spared them a glance, that permanent storch scowl affixed to her face. Hiemchen let out a sigh of relief but the eule was still stuck, her eyes fluttering.
She wasn't sure what to do, so she did what she could. What Hummel would have done.
"Soor, listen to me. It's going to be okay."
All the while she tapped out the words on her arm that she knew the eule wouldn't understand.
SAFE. SAFE. SAFE.
But it was no use.
A familiar, clawing fear started to work its way through her as Soor's leg jerked and her body collapsed against the wall. Hiemchen wrenched all such thoughts aside and quickly attempted to take the weight of the eule onto her good shoulder. Even with both arms it would have been a challenge but with one it was near impossible. Yet she tried all the same, willing herself not to fall.
One foot in front of the other...how far away was the medbay?
Luckily, she didn't have to bear her far. Two more EULRs were chatting as she rounded the corner, gasping as they saw Soor.
"Soor! Drossel, you help here; I'll get Watchel."
As the eule sprinted off towards the elevators, Drossel stooped, and Hiemchen soon felt the burden on her ease as she took Soor's other arm.
"It was a mistake to give her the morning shift," muttered the eule at her side.
Hiemchen blinked, surprised.
"You know?"
"We all know. First time she seized up was right in the EULR dorm. We didn't want to embarass her though so we kept it quiet; she's been through enough."
It was only now that Hiemchen noticed they weren't taking the route to the medbay.
"Where are we going?"
"Med bay's too far. Don't want to risk a protektor seeing her. We're bringing her to dorms. Watchel knows the situation. She'll meet us there."
Even with half of the EULRs gone for the morning meal, the dorms were buzzing with chatter, which quickly cut off into concerned murmurs when they saw Soor being carried to her bunk.
"Oh no, not again..."
"Is it getting worse?"
"Poor Soor..."
"She's gonna get decommissioned for sure this time..."
Hiemchen bristled and Drossel registered her discomfort. She glared at the whispering cohort, who fell silent at once.
Then a familiar, stern EULR bustled into the dorm, her prominent frown lines working overtime.
"Where is she?"
She spotted the gathering crowd by Soor's bed.
"Move! For Revolutionary's sake, give her space!"
The EULRs parted but Hiemchen remained firmly at Soor's side. Watchel didn't comment, putting a hand on Soor's forehead, then examining the pupils with a hand light.
"Temp is good. Pupils dilating as normal. Same as last time, it seems."
"How often has this been happening?" Hiemchen asked, not entirely wanting to hear the answer.
The eules looked at each other.
"Officially, we haven't marked down the incidences," said Watchel.
Hiemchen blinked, shocked.
"Why?"
Watchel's eyebrow furrowed again.
"You know why, kid."
There was a telling silence. Then Watchel spoke again.
"I'm the best surgeon here but even I couldn't fix damage that bad. I was surprised she even made it, if I'm honest. But she did. So here we are, keeping it that way. Which means keeping it quiet."
Hiemchen hesitated on her words before she plucked up the courage and spoke her mind.
"You need to talk to her. I know you care for each other but all this obfuscation isn't helping like you think it is."
Shocked silence. One of the eules spoke up.
"How dare-"
Drossel interrupted.
"No; I think she might be right. Watchel?"
Watchel's brows furrowed, staring at Hiemchen intensely, but she nodded.
"When she wakes up...only once she's rested, mind! Then we'll talk. You're right; can't keep hiding things from each other. We can't be like them."
A mumur of growing agreement.
"Until then, we need to figure out how to get her on night shifts permanently. She hasn't had a seizure for nearly 4 rotations now. The dark and quiet clearly help."
Not seeing Gans probably helped too...though she wouldn't mention that to them.
"What is the issue exactly? I'm sure Schwan would have no issue changing her shift."
Drossel shook her head.
"Schwan is in charge of the protektor shifts. Adler and Falke manage the rest. Which means..."
"We'd have to submit a request to Adler..." finished Watchel.
There was a grim silence. A written explanation to Adler would only lead to one thing: a decommission order.
"If we're going to do this we'll have to play it off as an optimisation strategy over a request," said Watchel, massaging her temples as she frowned in thought, "a request raises further questions."
Hiemchen racked her brain, even as nervous nausea threatened to overwhelm her again.
There were certain words one needed when making a request from ADLR-3599. He was cool, calculated, methodical, logical. In many ways, he was like an ARAR, except in that he was painfully alone.
So, what could be done?
"There's one more thing," she said, not quite believing what she was about to say.
"We have to feed him a shit sandwich."
"...a what."
She explained the concept to the EULRs; the sandwiching of a request between two overwhelmingly complimentary or flattering statements.
Drossel looked doubtful.
"I mean...it could work...maybe...what do we have to lose?"
Watchel got to work penning up a draft while Hiemchen tried to remember the flowery, unnecessary words Floh had littered all her forms with. Words like diligent and competent and impactful. Ran them past Drossel and a few other EULRs to get their thoughts on the tone of particular phrases.
Finally, with baited breath she gave the form one last look-over. It was gratuitous. It was sycophantic.
It was perfect.
She was about to say so when another eule piped up suddenly.
"Uhhh...is her arm supposed to be doing that?"
They looked down at Soor.
Her left hand was twitching; an echo of the corpse-like figure she had seen in the medbay only a few rotations ago.
Hiemchen's chest was icy.
"Another seizure?"
Watchel shook her head.
"I hope not...Two within an hour span is indicative of progressive neural damage."
Hiemchen watched, with worry at first, but then she noticed that, far from the erratic twitching she had observed in the med bay, those digits were making a repeated, familiar rhythm that hit her heart like a thunder drum.
5, then 1, then 3.
She rushed over to take the tapping hand in her own.
"I'm here, Soor. I'm here."
SAFE. SAFE. SAFE.
A look exchanged between the EULRs, as if they had somehow developed bioresonance. Drossel nodded at Watchel, who stood up suddenly.
"Alright! Clear out, all of you! Go on!"
There were sputters of resistance and grumbling but no one wanted to question her authority so, one-by-one, they filed out of the dorm.
Hiemchen felt a tugging in her chest as she made to leave before Watchel pointed at her, making her jump with a start.
"Not you! You stay. Make sure her airways are clear and if she wakes up, you make sure to get her in an upright position and onto fluids, got it?"
Hiemchen nodded, looking her in the eye. She wasn't afraid anymore.
Drossel was the last to leave. Her gaze fell on their joined hands with a melancholy smile.
"Look after her," she said, and then she was gone.
Mere seconds after the door closed behind them, leaving the two in silence, Soor's eyes opened.
"Hiemchen?"
Hiemchen breathed a sigh of relief into their entwined hands.
"I'm here. You're safe. I have you."
"I'm sorry for scaring you."
"Don't apologise. Not for this. It's not your fault."
She pressed a kiss to her forehead. Felt the tickle of the eule's nose at her neck. Pressed her ear to her chest to hear the heart there beating.
For a brief moment in time, nothing else mattered.
It was a new rotation. They met in their usual spot.
Hiemchen arrived with a curl of red vine at her fingertips. A tray with 2 mugs of hot chocolate were waiting when she got there, sat by the vent as Soor played a new song from the book the arar had given her.
She stopped as she noticed her, reached down to her side to retrieve some papers, before handing them to her.
Stamped across the top was a bright green GENEHMIGT. Hiemchen's heart soared as the eule beamed at her.
"I heard I have you to thank for this. You've bought me some time. Thank you."
She rose from her seat and embraced Hiemchen in a full-bodied hug that felt like home. Like a tangle of ivy blooming into flowers of every colour.
"Before, I might have just submitted myself for decommission, but now? Well I'll pry just about every second I can get."
They parted, and Soor gestured to her empty arm.
"What about you? Have you thought more about what you're going to do about the arm?"
Hiemchen breathed in deeply. She was ready for this.
"I've decided not to take it."
Soor nodded, face neutral as she continued.
"Hummel follows me everywhere. Her name echos around the Den, and in my memories. She's painted all over the walls. I can't carry her around with me too...it's too much. I can't be her. I need to become my own thing. Bloom into my own person."
Soor pressed a kiss to her cheek; a drop of warm rain on the rooting growth that sprouted deep within her chest.
"I can't wait to experience it with you."
Hiemchen took her hand. Kissed into the curled petals of her palm.
"Yeah. Me too."