Chapter Text
Jisung found that his sound went through temporary changes. He experimented with new styles, trying to weave in his own signature as he played around with the beat. So it wasn’t unusual for his music to evolve over time.
But these last few months, something felt off.
He could hear it in the way he plucked the strings of his guitar in the studio, but he couldn’t pinpoint it when he listened to the track. Maybe his lyrics were a little more angsty, or maybe he used too many minor chords—but he had been writing songs since he was a teenager, pouring his honest heart onto the page.
He had spent almost a year working on their debut album, and after listening to the demo of their latest single, he sighed and threw his head back against the wall in frustration.
“It’s really not bad, Jisung,” his manager said, trying to encourage him.
“It sounds empty,” he complained, rocking in his chair. It was the same thing every time he left the recording booth and listened to the playback. Something was missing.
“I think it sounds good. Maybe a little more feeling in the vocals, bring down the bass—but honestly, Sung, we’ve been working on this album for months, and you’re still not satisfied,” Chan said, walking into the room and placing a hand on his tense shoulders.
Jisung glanced up at him, noticing the exhaustion in his eyes. His drummer was doing his best to reel him in. It was already close to four in the morning, and they had been recording all night.
He looked over to see Changbin, his bassist, practically asleep on the couch, his eyes barely open. Jisung knew he had been relentless lately, but he still couldn’t figure out what was bothering him.
“I just… I just want to record it one more time,” he said, and he thought he heard Changbin let out a whine from the couch.
Chan let out a soft sigh. “Jisung. I’m taking Changbin home—he’s exhausted, and so am I. We can meet up tomorrow if you need something,” he said, his tone measured, like he was trying not to sound irritated.
“Yeah… that’s fine,” Jisung muttered.
“You should get some rest, too,” Chan told him sternly.
Jisung bit his lip. “I will, Chan. I will,” he said, avoiding his gaze, knowing he’d see that worried, parent-like look on his face.
Chan didn’t say anything else as he helped a sleepy Changbin put his jacket on. He was too tired to even lift his arms. Jisung felt a little guilty for keeping them there all night, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something sounded off.
By the time he finally accepted that nothing would change, it was already past seven in the morning. He was exhausted as he blinked at the ceiling, playing the track over and over again—feeling nothing.
His phone buzzing jolted him awake. He rubbed his eyes and grabbed it, squinting at the message.
Lee Felix:
Hey, hey!!! It’s been a minute! Are you still in for the annual trip to the beach house???
Jisung’s throat went dry. He had completely forgotten that it was almost the first weekend in February. He couldn’t believe another year had already passed.
He also couldn’t believe it had been a full year since he and his ex-boyfriend had broken up.
He wanted to respond, but honestly, he was way too tired. Driving back to his apartment wasn’t happening, so he grabbed his jacket and curled up on the couch, trying to ignore the anxiety creeping into his chest.
If he could just close his eyes and get some sleep, maybe he could push those feelings away—at least for a few hours.
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Jisung knew he had to answer—especially since his best friend, Hyunjin, would just keep texting, asking why he wasn’t answering.
Felix and Hyunjin had been together since they started college. They met at a party, and after Hyunjin kissed Felix during some silly drinking game, the two had been inseparable ever since.
It had been a while since he had seen them. He packed up his life last year and left for Seoul to chase his dream. The opportunity was one he couldn’t pass up after he and his band were signed to a record label.
But in chasing the dream he’d wanted since he was a kid, he had lost the man he loved.
It had been almost a year since he’d spoken to Minho. His heart ached as he remembered the argument they had before Minho packed his things and left the next morning.
He entered the studio just after four in the afternoon after going home for a quick shower and grabbing a cup of coffee. Changbin threw him in a headlock as soon as he opened the door.
“Ow,” Jisung complained as he was dragged to where Chan was sitting in front of the workstation.
“Sit,” Changbin directed him, and Jisung scowled at him, not liking his bossiness.
Chan had his headphones on, nodding his head to the beat. Jisung watched him as he tapped his foot and played air drums. When the must have ended, he slid the headphones off his ears.
“We’re set to put out the album next month. I think everything sounds great, and Changbin agrees with me,” he said carefully, like he knew Jisung was going to argue. And he was right.
“It’s not ready,” he countered, and Chan shook his head.
“Jisung, we’ve been back and forth on this for months. Unless you want to scrap the whole thing and start over—which we can’t do—then I’m not sure what else you want,” he said, trying to stay calm.
“It’s missing something, Chan. It’s just not right. Something is—I don’t know, but something isn’t—”
“Ji, we can’t push back the date any longer,” Changbin interjected, and Jisung sighed deeply.
“What if—give me a month,” he begged, and he heard their manager pipe up from across the room.
“Two weeks. They want something by early March. I can give you two weeks, but not a day more,” he compromised. Chan sighed, and Jisung could tell he was frustrated, especially with the way he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Alright. Fine. Two weeks,” he said.
Two weeks would have been fine—if he didn’t have to attend a ten-day vacation in Australia with his friends.
Because even when he tried to tell Felix he probably wouldn’t be able to make it, somehow he guilted him into agreeing and buying a plane ticket within the same hour.
So, he really only had four days to figure out what the hell was wrong with his sound.
And he had to see his ex-boyfriend for the first time in almost a year.
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It had been a while since he had been to Hyunjin’s apartment. He probably could have made the two-hour train trip sometime in the last year, but after he packed his things and left, he never looked back.
Felix had moved in, and with Hyunjin’s paintings and Felix’s gaming setup in the spare room, it felt like he was invading such a personal space.
“Sorry about the mess. We spend a lot of time in this room, so maybe it’s gotten a little cluttered,” Hyunjin said, placing his hands on his hips after he gathered his art supplies and shoved them in a drawer. “The couch is a pull-out bed, and we’ve got blankets and sheets for you.”
“No—this is great. Thanks for letting me stay,” he said, placing his bag and guitar case on the couch. Their flight was early tomorrow morning, and Felix had offered to help buy his plane ticket since one of Jisung’s excuses was that he had absolutely no money—which, to be honest, was true.
“Yeah, of course. I’m just really glad you decided to come.”
Jisung almost laughed, knowing Felix had somehow manipulated him into saying yes. But seeing Hyunjin and Felix’s bubbly faces made him feel a little better about leaving his band for almost two full weeks, especially with their new album set to release soon.
Jisung thought he was about to leave the room to let him get settled in, but he saw him lingering by the door.
“Are you coming out tonight? You never answered in the group text,” he mentioned. Jisung winced at the question.
“Oh—um, I don’t know. I’m pretty tired,” he said. It wasn’t a lie—he really was tired. But that definitely wasn’t the reason he’d been trying to avoid the invite to go to the bar and catch up before they caught their plane in the morning.
“Come on—it’s been so long,” Hyunjin tried to reason with him. Jisung let out a soft sigh but shrugged his shoulders.
It was quiet for a moment as Hyunjin rapped his fingers on the door.
“Is… everything alright between you and Minho?” he asked suddenly, and Jisung froze.
He had never told Hyunjin that they had split up. At the time, his heart had been so broken that he couldn’t even wrap his head around it. It all happened so fast, and in the end, he just ran away—just like Minho had.
Even now, he didn’t want to admit it.
“I know it’s probably tough being long-distance,” he said. “Are you guys still struggling to make it work?”
Jisung took a deep breath. “Yeah—it’s tough,” he replied, but that wasn’t what he had wanted to say. He needed to tell him that Minho had broken up with him last year and that he hadn’t talked to or seen him since. But those words wouldn’t come out. Even when he asked him a while ago, he couldn’t say it. He had only told him they were trying to work things out with their different lives and left it at that.
“Felix said Minho’s been so busy with work, too,” Hyunjin mentioned.
Jisung nodded, because if they were still together, then he would have known that. His heart clenched, realizing that Minho must not have told anyone either. If he had told Felix, he definitely would have told Hyunjin.
He wondered why Minho never mentioned it. Their breakup had been messy and childish—both of them screaming at each other selfishly in the living room of their shared apartment. Maybe it was a little embarrassing to admit at the time, especially after they had just spent ten romantic days on vacation at the beach a week before that. Then, time took over, and it became even more difficult to talk about.
“Yeah. It’s—he’s been busy. And we’ve been kind of doing our own thing. Our album is coming out in a month,” he said, trying to change the conversation. It worked, since Hyunjin’s eyes sparkled with the news.
“Felix mentioned that too—that’s so fucking cool. I’m so proud of you, Sung. We all are.” Hyunjin sounded thrilled, and Jisung smiled shyly. Hyunjin knew this was his absolute dream.
“Thanks,” he said, and Hyunjin’s smile just grew even wider.
“Hey guys!” They both looked behind Hyunjin to see Felix walking into the room. “Seungmin said he’s leaving now. Come on,” he said, pulling on Hyunjin’s arm.
Hyunjin looked over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow, silently asking Jisung one last time if he was coming.
Jisung could tell by that big, bright grin that even if he tried to get out of it, Felix would somehow get him to come. It was a gift of his—getting others to do exactly what he wanted. And maybe his pretty eyes and pouty pleading face were a helpful influence.
So, he decided to agree to tag along.
“Just let me grab my jacket.”
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The walk to the bar was cold, but it was right down the street, and no one wanted to drive since they planned to have a few drinks. Jisung definitely needed one if he was going to somehow get through this night.
He let out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding when they got inside, and Minho wasn’t there yet. Seungmin waved them over to the table, his excited smile almost contagious.
“Hey guys!” he greeted them loudly. “Long time no see!”
Felix hugged him first as Jisung took his jacket off and placed it on the back of an empty chair. He was sweating, which was insane since it was below freezing outside. But he was anxious, his eyes glued to the door, unable to look away.
He knew Minho would be walking through that door any minute, and his heart was racing uncontrollably.
Because, just like Seungmin had said, it had been so long.
“I can’t believe it’s been a year. We really need to quit our jobs. We’re all too busy now,” Seungmin joked as he threw an arm around Hyunjin’s shoulder.
“I miss college. We had no responsibilities. I miss hanging out every day,” Felix complained, and Hyunjin pouted.
“You still see me every day,” he said, and Felix chuckled, rolling his eyes.
“Well—yeah, dummy. But you know what I mean. We used to go out like this at least twice a week, but now we’re busy all the time.”
Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jisung lived together in college, where they met Felix, Minho, and Jeongin, who had also lived together. At some point, they all became best friends.
“Remember the night Jeongin got so drunk Hyunjin had to carry him home, and he threw up on his shoulder?” Seungmin reminisced with a laugh.
Hyunjin groaned. “Oh, god, don’t remind me. He’s lucky I didn’t drop him on the sidewalk. That was so fucking disgusting.”
“Oh—and that one time Jisung and Minho fought over the karaoke mic, and Minho fell into the table with all the drinks?” Felix chuckled.
Jisung’s head whipped over to see them all looking at him as they brought up the past.
“Oh my god, Minho was so mad. And then Jisung kissed his ass the entire night,” Seungmin said, elbowing him in the side.
“He was mad that he was all wet, but I think having Jisung’s undivided attention more than made up for it,” Hyunjin said, and Jisung wasn’t sure why that made his heart ache.
Jisung’s cheeks flushed. He remembered that night well. It was also the same night they had slept together for the first time.
Jisung felt bad, knowing he was drunk and stupid, messing around too much. They had both loved the song so much that they were pulling on the microphone, and when Jisung ended up winning the battle, Minho stumbled and fell onto the table, spilling beer and water all over him.
He was furious, glaring at Jisung the entire time he tried to apologize and make it up to him. Jisung let him sing every song he wanted on his dime and even gave him his sweater to wear, knowing his shirt was all wet.
At the end of the night, Jisung had walked him home, and before he could leave, Jisung couldn’t help but kiss him, apologizing once more. It was the second time they had kissed, and Jisung knew then that he had completely fallen for him. Minho had pulled him inside, falling into his bed and spending the night.
“How are you two doing? I feel like it’s been so long since we’ve talked,” Seungmin asked. His question made Jisung’s heart shatter.
“Things are… fine,” he said awkwardly.
He needed to stop lying. As soon as Minho walked through that door, they would know they were anything but fine. They had broken up, and he needed to admit it. He needed to say it, but the words wouldn’t come out.
Before he could respond to the weird looks he got from that vague response, he noticed Felix smile widely, looking behind him.
“Jeongin! Minho!”
Jisung’s heart dropped. He slowly turned, and all the air left his lungs when he saw him. He knew seeing him would hurt, but he hadn’t expected to feel the anger well up deep in his stomach as well.
But the first thing Jisung noticed was that he looked so beautiful—just like he always did. It was the same thought he had on the first day they had met. Although, instead of a shy smile on his face, he was avoiding his gaze with a blank expression.
“Wow—it’s been forever,” Jeongin said, taking off his coat.
Minho just pulled out the chair beside Felix, and Jisung swallowed nervously when he didn’t greet him at all. Everybody must have noticed because it was awkwardly quiet for a moment before Seungmin cleared his throat.
“I’m so glad we’re all going. I was afraid that Jisung might not make it out this year,” Seungmin said. It took everything in him to take his eyes off Minho. “Your album comes out soon, right?”
Jisung gave a half-smile, especially when he saw Minho’s face turn into a scowl.
“Yeah. Next month,” he responded, and he couldn’t help but let his eyes trail over to Minho, who was now looking at the beer menu like he couldn’t be bothered by their conversation.
“That’s so cool. I can’t wait to listen to it,” Jeongin said.
“I can’t believe you’re gonna be a famous rockstar soon. I still remember the days you kept me up late in our dorm, falling asleep with the guitar in your hands,” Hyunjin said. He looked proud of him, and Jisung chuckled.
“Remember that time you hit me directly in the eye with a stress ball?” Jisung asked, and Hyunjin cackled.
“It was four in the morning, and you wouldn’t stop,” he said, still laughing. “And honestly, it was a great shot.”
“I almost lost my eyesight.”
“And I almost lost my fucking sanity from sleep deprivation.”
They both laughed, but Jisung’s sliver of happiness from reminiscing about the past disappeared when he saw the deep frown on Minho’s face.
Jisung noticed then that his hair was longer. It almost looked like he hadn’t cut it in months. He had never seen it so long, and Jisung wished he didn’t feel the urge to reach out and brush the strands out of his face so he could see his eyes.
His lips were still pursed in that pout, and Jisung wondered if the chapstick he had on tasted like cherries. He used to keep an abundance of it, buying pack after pack so he would never run out.
Jisung hadn’t eaten cherries in a long time.
He finally took off his coat, and Jisung wished he could stop staring. Minho wouldn’t notice anyway since he kept his gaze off him at all costs. But the yellow and blue striped sweater he wore was adorable, looking so comfortable and cute that Jisung wanted to pull him in and feel his warmth.
He shook his head, trying to push the thought away.
It was over between them, and Jisung was sure that no matter what he said, that wouldn’t change.
Seungmin took charge of the conversation then, with everyone chiming in or helping to steer it to other topics. It had been a year since they had all been together like this, so everyone had a lot to say and a ton to catch up on.
Minho was pretty quiet the entire time, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary. Jisung tried his best to act like this was completely normal, even though everyone at the table probably knew that something was going on between them—and nothing good at that.
Minho didn’t speak a word to him, but he did have a few drinks, which started to loosen him up a little. Jisung’s heart melted at his adorable laugh. He never thought he would miss the sound much. It was pathetic really, just how much he hadn’t gotten over him.
Even though Minho had left him feeling hopeless, lost, empty, and broken, he still couldn’t let go.
They had talked until almost midnight, and he couldn’t believe how much they had missed out on in each other’s lives in almost a year.
Seungmin had gotten a new job, working as a music teacher for young kids. Jeongin finished college and bought an apartment in the city. And Felix and Hyunjin had moved in together, and they were planning on getting a dog.
“What about you guys?” Seungmin asked, and Jisung winced, wondering if Minho was about to admit they had been broken up for almost a year.
He was surprised when he shrugged instead. “I helped publish a book that’s been selling like crazy and is likely going to be a movie soon.”
Everyone gushed about it, and Jisung was just happy that there was finally a smile on his face.
He wanted to know more. He wanted to know what he was up to, but there was no way he could ask that. Not in front of their friends, because they would definitely call him out for lying about their relationship earlier that evening, and not alone, because he knew Minho would lose his shit if he asked him any personal questions.
“What about you, Jisung? Besides the album, obviously,” Seungmin asked, and Jisung shrugged.
“Just—same old. I moved into a cramped apartment with two other guys in the city. Nothing special,” he answered, and his heart stopped when he glanced over at Minho, who was now looking right at him. It was the first time he caught his eye all night.
Maybe he was making it up in his pathetic head, but he thought he looked jealous. Before he could decipher it properly, Minho tore his eyes away.
“Sounds like that sucks,” Hyunjin said, chuckling.
Jisung shrugged. “We definitely want to kill each other some days, but we know it won’t be forever. And they’re always up for four in the morning jam sessions,” he teased, and Hyunjin laughed louder.
He noticed Minho slam back the rest of his drink, and Jisung could see his cheeks reddening from the alcohol. He wasn’t keeping tabs on how much he drank, but there were at least three empty bottles in front of him.
He wished it hadn’t annoyed him when Minho softly placed his head on Jeongin’s shoulder. He also couldn’t take his eyes off him as he laughed and joked with Felix. His pretty, blushed cheeks had him captivated, and the sound of his voice made his heart flutter.
It was the same feeling he had when he first fell for him all those years ago. Even after the past twelve months apart, none of that had changed.
“We should probably get to bed. We literally have to be at the airport by eight,” Seungmin said, looking at his watch. It was almost one in the morning now, and Jisung noticed that Minho’s eyes were a little red and glassy.
“I don’t feel like dealing with a crabby Jeongin, so I agree with you,” Hyunjin added. “He needs his sleep, or he turns into a monster.”
Jeongin laughed. “You’re still not over the time I kicked you in the stomach for waking me up at the ass crack of dawn, are you?”
“I don’t think nine in the morning counts as the ass crack of dawn. And we had a final exam!” he exclaimed, rubbing his abdomen, like he still felt the pain.
Jisung, Seungmin, and Felix all laughed as Jeongin shrugged his shoulders.
That’s when Jisung noticed Minho stood up—a little wobbly—and quickly threw on his coat.
“I’ll see you guys in the morning,” he said. Jisung wasn’t sure why that made him panic, but the way Minho rushed toward the door reminded him of how he had left before. He also couldn’t let him leave without them saying a single word to each other.
As Minho stepped outside, Jisung grabbed his coat and immediately ran after him
“I’ll see you guys back at your apartment,” he told Hyunjin over his shoulder as the rest of them put on their jackets.
He noticed the questioning glances on their faces, but he didn’t have time to explain. They were probably confused about their relationship after tonight, but they’d likely figure it out by the time they left the restaurant.
Jisung pushed open the door, took a quick left, and ran down the sidewalk. He didn’t make it far, and it only took Jisung a few strides before he grabbed Minho by the elbow.
“Minho.” His voice was strained, wincing at the desperation in his tone.
Minho stopped but didn’t turn around. Jisung wanted to say something, but his words were suddenly stuck in his throat, the cold air choking him. It had been so long, and he had so much to say, but nothing came out.
After a few quiet moments, Minho ripped his arm out of his grasp and continued walking. Jisung blinked after him for a second before clenching his fists.
He quickly chased after him again, grabbing his wrist this time and spinning him around.
“Hey—”
“What?” he hissed, his teeth bared with furious eyes.
He tried to shrug Jisung off again, but he wouldn’t let go. He couldn’t let go. He had missed the warmth of his skin.
He wasn’t sure why he ran after him, but he had to say something. There were so many words left unsaid, and he had so many questions. He had planned this moment out—that if they ever met again, he would ask them.
But his mind drew a blank as Minho glared at him with those big, beautiful brown eyes.
“Can—can we just talk for a second?”
“We have nothing to talk about,” he answered immediately.
Minho was always like this—angry and defensive, not speaking to him until Jisung dragged it out of him.
Jisung set his jaw, knowing he couldn’t let him walk away.
“Yeah, we do,” he countered, and Minho rolled his eyes.
“Let go of me. I’m tired, and I don’t feel like doing this right now,” he complained, but Jisung refused to release his grip.
“Then when the hell are we going to talk about it?” he shot back, and that question made Minho’s eyes widen with anger.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you could’ve fucking called me sometime in the last year.”
Jisung felt his eyebrow twitch when he heard those words. He couldn’t believe he’d just said that.
“You’re joking, right?” he said, his voice laced with disbelief. “You left me. Remember?”
He saw Minho’s breath hitch as he turned his face away.
“You broke up with me and left—”
“Because you lied to me!” he screamed.
They were lucky no one was on the street, or else they would have definitely stopped to stare.
Jisung gritted his teeth. “I didn’t lie, Minho. I—”
Minho laughed loudly, cutting him off. “You kept it from me all fucking vacation! You told Hyunjin not to tell me! And you’re gonna say you didn’t lie?”
Jisung took a deep breath. The happiest vacation of their lives turned into the worst when Minho found out Jisung was moving to Seoul, something Jisung had known about for months.
“I’ve told you. I was going to tell you after vacation.”
He had explained this so many times. He knew leaving would break Minho’s heart. He couldn’t ask him to uproot and move across the country for him. He couldn’t ask Minho to leave his family business behind. His mother had poured her heart and soul into the bookstore, and asking Minho to walk away from that just to be with him would be selfish. He had planned to tell him, but he found himself reveling in the sweet moments, wondering if chasing his dream would be worth leaving Minho behind.
“Whatever. I’m not talking about this again,” he said, trying to yank his arm away.
But Jisung pulled him back in.
“Let go , Jisung,” he warned, but Jisung could only focus on the way he said his name, even though it sounded bitter.
“So you’re just going to ignore me the whole trip then?” he asked, wishing his voice didn’t sound so hurt.
Minho didn’t say anything—he just turned his face.
Jisung felt his heart break, hating the frustrated look on Minho’s face. He missed the soft, sweet smile he used to beam in his direction.
“Even if I say I’m sorry?”
Minho froze again. He felt it this time. He still kept quiet, his eyebrows furrowing together in confusion.
“Because I’m sorry, Minho. I’m so fucking sorry, okay?” he whispered, knowing that it probably wasn’t going to change anything, but he needed to tell him.
“Why did you even agree to come on this trip?” Minho asked, deflecting his apology.
He wasn’t sure why that bothered him, but it did.
“They’re my friends too,” he said, and Minho rolled his eyes.
“Are they, if you don’t even talk to them for a full year?” he grumbled.
Jisung sighed. Their childish fighting was starting again as their anger bubbled over.
“You know what? If you’re pissed at me because I didn’t call you after you broke up with me, that’s so fucking unfair,” he snapped.
Minho stepped closer, and Jisung’s heart fluttered. His eyes were wild with anger.
“It just proves you never cared!” he screamed again, and Jisung’s mouth dropped open.
“That’s such bullshit, Minho! I tried to apologize, and you wouldn’t listen! You kept calling me a liar—saying I didn’t love you, which wasn’t fucking true!”
Minho smacked Jisung’s chest multiple times, pushing at his grip on his arm.
“Shut up! Just leave me the fuck alone!” Minho yelled.
“But you’re mad at me because I didn’t call you? After you broke up with me and left without another word?”
Jisung’s breath got stuck in his throat when the tears spilled down Minho’s face.
Even when they fought and broke up last year, Minho had never cried. Jisung had never seen Minho cry before, and the burning pain in his heart destroyed him, watching the tears slip down his rosy cheeks.
He hiccuped softly, turning his gaze away like he had earlier, trying to ignore him as best he could. But Jisung still had a firm grip on his arm, squeezing tighter.
Jisung couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and cupping his cheek softly. His heart clenched when Minho didn’t pull away.
“Minho, baby,” he whispered, brushing his thumb over his wet skin. He hadn’t meant to say that, but the words slipped out before he could stop them, surprised by the sight of Minho’s pretty tears flowing down his pink cheeks.
Jisung gasped when Minho slammed their lips together. His eyes widened, and his entire body stilled as Minho clutched the front of his jacket.
It was wet and salty from his tears, and Minho kissed him over and over, even though Jisung was frozen. He was shocked, not expecting it at all—not after they had just yelled at each other on the street, and certainly not after Minho had looked at him with the same glint of resentment he remembered from the night he left him.
But right now, that all seemed to slip away as Jisung tangled his fingers into the back of Minho’s hair and pulled him closer, one hand crushing his wrist while the other cradled his head.
Minho kissed him even harder, deepening it as he wrapped his arm around Jisung’s neck.
Jisung had so many questions, but suddenly, he forgot them all. Minho’s lips had him in a trance, and he hadn’t realized how much he had missed the taste of him. He raised Minho’s arm, pulling both of them around his neck as he gripped his waist, tugging him against his body. Minho was warm—just like he always was.
His tears seemed to subside as Jisung kissed him deeper, his mind whirling as Minho slipped his tongue into his mouth. He could feel the desperation on his lips, allowing him to kiss him aggressively.
But Jisung knew they needed to get home. It was cold, it was late, and they were still standing in the middle of the street.
“Hey,” Jisung pulled away to whisper against his lips. He shivered when Minho whined, like he hated that Jisung had stopped kissing him.
Minho’s eyes were lidded, blinking slowly at him. Jisung cupped his cheeks again, feeling them burning. Minho leaned in, kissing him gently this time. Jisung savored it, not pulling away, even though he knew they should head back.
He should have stopped, knowing there was so much they still needed to talk about. But when Minho whimpered as Jisung pulled away once more, he couldn’t bring himself to.
“Come to Hyunjin’s with me,” he whispered, his heart fluttering when Minho nodded.
Jisung intertwined their fingers and pulled him down the street. He couldn’t believe this was happening, but the fire burning inside him refused to extinguish. When Minho squeezed his hand, it made him walk even faster. He glanced over his shoulder a few times, noticing Minho’s pretty red cheeks, blushed from the cold. His nose was pink as well, and Jisung wanted to reach out and kiss it softly. But Minho refused to meet his gaze, looking off to the side as Jisung dragged him down the road.
Jisung tried to be quiet as they entered the apartment, relieved to find that Felix and Hyunjin were already in their room. He had no time for either of their questions right now.
Minho struggled to take his shoes off, and Jisung bit his lip, wondering just how drunk he was. He was tipsy himself, but he helped Minho out of his shoes and hefty jacket, pulling him by the hand to Hyunjin and Felix’s spare room.
He couldn’t stop the soft moan from escaping his lips when Minho instantly attached their lips again. Jisung slipped his arms around his waist, letting his hand trail lower to carefully grab his ass.
“Minho,” he said, his voice low, pulling back to rest his forehead against his. He was so fucking warm—Jisung loved the feeling. “Fuck… is this okay?” he asked.
His eyes rolled back as Minho gently touched the front of his jeans. It was almost embarrassing how hard he was, but he missed Minho and his body so fucking badly.
Minho didn’t say anything, diving back in to kiss him again. But Jisung wanted him to say it. He needed him to tell him that this was what he wanted.
He pulled him back again, and Minho’s irritated whimper sent a jolt of excitement through his body. He was always so impatient—Jisung loved that about him. It would embarrass him, but Jisung would tell him just how much he loved seeing him wiggle with want, desperately needing his touch.
Jisung gripped his chin, running his thumb over his bottom lip. His cheeks, eyes, and lips were a beautiful rose color. He was gorgeous, and Jisung felt the arousal stir in his stomach, missing the way his pretty lips would wrap around his cock.
“Tell me, baby. Tell me you want this,” he said again, and Jisung’s heart threatened to shatter when Minho’s eyes shut with an almost unnoticeable grimace. But Jisung saw it, knowing something was going on inside his head—something he was trying to ignore.
“Fuck me,” Minho eventually whispered, and Jisung’s resolve was thinner than a thread. He sensed a hint of uncertainty, and something deep inside his heart told him they shouldn’t, but Minho’s words had him losing his rationality.
He had missed him so much, and he needed his lips back on his own and to touch his body. He wanted to love him again. He wanted to show him that, after all this time, he had never forgotten him.
There wasn’t a day that went by that he hadn’t thought about him. He wanted to admit that he’d thought about calling so many times that he had to delete Minho’s number from his phone, stopping himself from begging him to come back. Minho had told him he never wanted to talk to him again, and he was afraid to reach out, thinking it would only cause more resentment.
Jisung pulled Minho toward the bed, but Minho pushed him back, crawling over him and straddling his thighs. Jisung hadn’t had time to put the sheets on, but neither of them seemed to care.
Jisung reached up to brush Minho’s hair back behind his ear, just like he had wanted to at the restaurant.
“You’re so beautiful,” he told him. He felt Minho’s body twitch. He didn’t say anything—he just leaned down to kiss him again. He was just as desperate as he had been earlier on the street, and Jisung had to grasp his hips as he grinded against him.
He knew staying quiet would be difficult, but he would bite his tongue off if he had to. He needed Minho so carnally that he would consider doing unspeakable things just to feel and have him tonight.
They kissed for a while, like they couldn’t get enough of each other. Jisung’s hands wandered while Minho clutched his hair, tugging softly. Minho gasped when Jisung unbuttoned his jeans and slipped his hand past the waistband of his underwear. Minho bit his lip, a soft whimper escaping his lips as Jisung gripped his cock.
Jisung smirked, pulling him down by the back of his neck. “You’re so fucking wet.”
Minho’s mouth parted with a whine as Jisung teased his thumb over the leaking slit.
“Quiet, baby,” he reminded him. Minho’s mouth instantly closed, and Jisung swore he could hear him gritting his teeth.
He teased him until he was shaking, savoring the way Minho held onto him, burying his face into his neck as he touched him. He flicked his wrist the way he knew Minho liked—he would never forget. Minho was panting, wiggling his hips, and Jisung knew exactly what he was asking for.
Jisung kissed his forehead as he let go of his cock, moving his hand around to slip between his cheeks. Minho bit on his collarbone, and Jisung chuckled when he moaned loudly despite trying to muffle it.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you so bad,” Jisung murmured, and Minho gasped as he pressed his fingers to his rim. “You’ve missed me here too, right?”
Minho let out a heavy breath, detaching his teeth from his skin. Jisung didn’t even care that it would probably bruise. He’d give or take anything as long as Minho was feeling good. He was so fucking beautiful, with his eyes glazed over and his jaw slack from the pleasure. Jisung liked to kiss his open mouth, leaning in to do so as he stroked him, knowing exactly where he needed his touch most.
But Jisung knew they needed lube before he could go any further. He removed his hand and pressed up, and Minho grunted when Jisung had him sitting on his thighs. He quickly lifted his arms to tug Minho’s shirt off, his hair staticky as he tossed it to the floor. He brushed the stray strands out of his eyes again, and he couldn’t help but notice Minho was still avoiding his gaze, making his heart ache.
Jisung pressed a kiss to his chest, trailing more up his neck and jaw until he brought their lips together. The only thing that settled the uncertainty in his heart was the desperate way Minho kissed him back.
“I’m gonna look for lube. I’m sure Hyunjin has some around here somewhere,” he told him, seeing Minho’s cheeks heat from his words. He just nodded and let out a soft breath when Jisung kissed him again.
He flipped him, laying Minho on his back gently, kissing where his heartbeat pounded beneath his skin. He smiled, feeling it beat rapidly.
He almost didn’t want to leave the bed, afraid to leave his side, worried Minho might run, that he’d realize through the haze they shouldn’t be doing this. He kissed him one more time, deepening it for only a moment before pulling away, noticing Minho’s desperation as he reached for him when Jisung crawled off the bed.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, quickly racing over to Hyunjin’s desk. He went through every drawer, trying to find something. He knew it had to be somewhere. There was no way he and Felix could spend that much time in here and not have the necessary tools for fucking. They were crazy—and he knew Felix had some kinks, shared with him by Felix himself.
He cursed when he realized Hyunjin’s desk didn’t have any lube. He moved to Felix’s gaming setup, laughing softly as he opened the first drawer and found three bottles and a box of condoms right on top. He should’ve started there.
He grabbed the lube and a few square packets, even though they hadn’t used condoms for years. Still, he wasn’t sure if Minho would want him to wear one.
He hurried back to the bed, where Minho had shimmied out of his jeans, leaving him in nothing but his underwear. His body was blushed all over, and Jisung could see his pretty, pale skin glowing in the moonlight streaming through the window.
He placed the lube and condoms on the bed before crawling over him to capture his lips again, even though Minho tried to hide his face behind his hand. Jisung gently moved his wrist, slipping his fingers down to intertwine with his.
“Still shy, huh?” he asked, and Minho’s eyes widened. “I’ve always found that cute.”
He remembered the first time Minho allowed him to touch him so intimately—his ears were a dark red, his eyes clenched shut, and his teeth gritted to keep any sound from escaping.
He was embarrassed to show Jisung such a vulnerable side of him. But as he praised and caressed him softly, Minho gradually loosened up, and those shy eyes turned pleading, clouded by lust.
Minho clenched his eyes shut and gripped Jisung’s hand tightly when he kissed his cheek. “Shut up,” he mumbled, his voice trembling.
Jisung chuckled softly, kissing his jaw before nipping at his skin. Minho whimpered when he sucked on his neck, knowing it would leave a mark. But Minho didn’t pull away, letting him suckle harder.
Jisung tickled his fingers down to the waistband of Minho’s underwear again, this time sliding it down his thighs. Minho helped by wiggling his hips, and Jisung smiled, loving it when he did that. It was one of the signs that he was feeling desperate.
“Do you want me to use a condom?” Jisung asked, wanting Minho to answer before he used his fingers to wipe his mind—just like he knew how. Minho loved being fucked senseless, and Jisung was about to make him forget everything but the feeling.
Minho grabbed the condoms and threw them to the floor, his skin blushing the deepest red he had seen tonight. He was so fucking cute.
“Fuck, I can’t wait to feel you,” Jisung whispered against his ear, feeling Minho’s body shiver beneath him. He was extremely quiet, but he knew that’s how Minho would get when his feelings got too much for him. But he knew he liked it when Jisung talked, telling him how perfect he was and how good he felt. Minho would never admit it, but Jisung didn’t need him to. He knew Minho better than anyone else, better than Jisung knew himself.
He quickly spread the lube on his fingers, warming it before he pressed Minho’s legs apart. He was so fucking gorgeous that he was struggling to think. His cock leaked, aching against his stomach, desperate for Jisung’s touch. Minho’s eyes were fixed on the ceiling, his skin flushing a mesmerizing red as Jisung leaned down to kiss his hip softly.
He gasped softly when Jisung touched his fingers to his rim. The warmth radiated from him, and Jisung needed to feel more—to feel his beautiful heat. But one of them had to be patient, and Minho was already too far gone. He still held tightly to his hand, and he smiled when Minho squeezed his fingers as he coated him with the lube.
He gently slid a finger inside, feeling how tight he was and his sweet warmth. Minho’s back arched, his knees quivered, and his legs instinctively closed a little as Jisung pushed deeper. Jisung carefully pressed them back open, knowing how sensitive he was, struggling to regulate the way he was feeling.
He could already hear his erratic breathing, and Jisung forgot just how much he loved taking him apart like this. When Minho opened up to him, he revealed a side of himself that no one else got to see. The vulnerability in his eyes sparkled as he trusted himself to Jisung completely, knowing he would never allow anyone else to witness him like this.
Minho was strong and emotionally reserved—until he wasn’t. He had built many walls around himself, but Jisung always found the secret doors, unlocking them effortlessly and walking through.
Jisung was careful with him, pressing in slowly, knowing Minho didn’t like it when he went too fast at first. He liked long, languid strokes, building up to a quicker pace. So, he fucked him with one finger until he squirmed his hips, silently telling him to add another.
Jisung kissed his knee in a nonverbal response as he pressed a second finger past the first. He watched his face tremble with pleasure, biting his lip to suppress the tiny moans that threatened to escape.
Jisung wished he could tell him to let go. He wanted to hear him whine for it desperately, but he knew they couldn’t be loud with Felix and Hyunjin down the hall.
His fingers pushed deeper, and he picked up speed, feeling Minho’s body twitch every time he pressed as far as he could. When he crooked his fingers, just the way he knew would make Minho shudder, he smirked widely when he let out a breathy whimper, grabbing Jisung’s bicep with a tight squeeze.
“Does that feel good?” he asked softly. Minho nodded, his breathing even more erratic as Jisung twisted his fingers inside him.
He whimpered, squeezing his arm even harder.
“You’ve… been working out,” he said suddenly, and Jisung chuckled, seeing his eyes glance at his muscles. That was true—whenever he wasn’t at the studio, he would be at the gym. It helped keep his mind off everything.
“Yeah,” he said, leaning down to kiss his inner thigh. Minho took a sharp intake of breath when Jisung pressed his lips to his cock, feeling it twitch from the tender touch. He was burning hot, even there.
Minho’s fingers dug into his skin as Jisung licked up his shaft, snaking his tongue around the tip. He whimpered when Jisung sucked him past his lips.
“I—I can’t. Jisung, I can’t,” he whined, shaking his hips and head back and forth.
Jisung pulled off for a moment. “You know you can, baby. Cum if you need to. You don’t have to fight it. You can always let go with me,” he told him.
Minho would always panic when the pleasure became too much, like he hated not having control. He was always afraid to show that side of him, refusing to give in to the pleasure. But Jisung always found him the most beautiful when he let it take over, letting go of the reins and succumbing to bliss.
He squirmed restlessly, and Jisung had to hold him down by the hip. He pressed his fingers in farther and took him deeper, glancing up to catch the look on his face.
His eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he grabbed Jisung’s arm so tightly that he would definitely have bruises tomorrow. He couldn’t stop the whimpers from escaping his lips, and no amount of biting them helped. Jisung would have smirked if he didn’t have his cock in his mouth, sucking and dragging his lips along his skin. He knew just how to make Minho go insane.
Jisung slipped another finger in, and his eyes went wide when Minho bucked his hips, cumming with a loud whine. Jisung slowed down as it coated the back of his throat, trying like hell not to choke as Minho wiggled from the pleasure. He breathed through his nose as Minho’s entire body shook violently.
He panted as he came down from his orgasm, his fingers going weak on Jisung’s bicep.
Jisung swallowed him down, taking everything Minho had to give him just like he always would. Minho shivered when Jisung pulled off his cock, but he didn’t remove his fingers, spreading him wide and fucking him deep.
Minho likely thought it was a secret, that Jisung didn’t know, but he knew he loved the feeling of overstimulation. After he had let go completely, he was in a state of complete surrender, not wanting to return too quickly, even though he was too afraid to admit it. He wriggled beneath him, but his energy was spent. The satisfied yet tortured look on his face always intrigued Jisung. It was like his brain and heart were battling, torn between sanity and pleasure.
Jisung fucked his fingers in faster, and Minho whimpered loudly, like he'd forgotten where they were. But Jisung couldn’t bring himself to care. He missed those desperate little sounds, and if Hyunjin or Felix knew what they were up to, he couldn’t give a shit less.
Minho tried to close his legs, pretending like he wanted him to stop so that he could tell himself that he tried to regain his composure, but Jisung knew what he really wanted.
He pushed his legs open and shoved his fingers in as deep and fast as he could. Minho’s strangled shout made Jisung’s cock twitch.
“I’ve got you,” Jisung whispered, and Minho gritted his teeth, clenching his eyes shut. “Let me take care of you. You know I always do.”
Minho’s body went limp, and Jisung pressed a kiss to his hip, silently telling him how good he was. He was always good for him, letting Jisung take over for a while, pleasuring his sensitive body.
He almost didn’t want to pull his fingers out, wanting the moment to last forever. Minho looked beautiful, fucked-out, and so pretty with his long hair covering his face. It almost looked like he was trying to hide, his long bangs resting over his eyes as Jisung fingered him persistently.
But he knew Minho wanted more when he gently shook his hips, and Jisung would give him whatever he wanted.
He carefully pulled his fingers out, noticing his gaping rim. Jisung didn’t waste a second leaning back on his knees to rip off his shirt and quickly shuck off his jeans.
He was so hard, wanting Minho so badly, and when he looked at his face, Minho was blinking multiple times at his chest.
Jisung looked down, momentarily forgetting about the black ink on his skin.
“Oh—yeah. I got a couple of tattoos,” he said.
Minho was still breathing a little heavily, but he reached out to stroke the side of Jisung’s torso. He didn’t say anything, but his soft fingertips traced the patterns gently.
Jisung desperately wondered what was going on inside that pretty head of his. Minho usually wouldn’t share his thoughts unless he asked. Normally, that wouldn’t be a problem, and Minho would always tell him, but Jisung found that he was scared to know what he was thinking.
So, he just kept quiet and let him touch his body softly, blinking slowly as he took in the markings he had never seen before.
“Minho,” he whispered, moving between his legs, feeling a little impatient. Minho’s hand froze when he said his name, his arm falling back to the bed.
He turned his face away, and Jisung hated that he was refusing to look at him. He used to stare into Jisung’s eyes like he was begging him to ground him, but today, it felt like he was denying it.
Jisung pressed his forehead to his cheek, letting out a soft sigh.
“Can you… please tell me I can?” Jisung begged, needing to hear it.
Minho closed his eyes, and Jisung’s heart teetered on the edge of shattering.
“You can,” he replied, but he still refused to look at him.
“Promise me that this is okay?” he asked desperately.
He noticed Minho’s jaw tense.
“Just fuck me, Jisung,” he whispered. Jisung couldn’t decipher the emotions in his tone, but for now, his verbal confirmation was the only thing he needed.
Jisung pulled back slightly, nodding his head. He gripped his cock, slowly pressing it to Minho’s entrance. It was embarrassing that he felt like he could cum already, but just the tip had Jisung holding his breath, feeling Minho’s body heat even more intense now.
Minho let out a beautiful moan as Jisung carefully pushed in, grabbing onto his biceps again. Jisung let him squeeze as hard as he wanted, knowing that the strength in his fingertips was helping to keep them both steady.
Jisung bit his lip, feeling how tight he was. It had been so long since he’d had him like this.
So. Fucking. Long.
Jisung couldn’t believe he almost felt like crying. When he bottomed out, he wrapped his arms around him, needing him closer, missing this so much. He felt Minho twitch, but he didn’t say anything or push him away. Minho’s breathing grew erratic, like he was trying to find a rhythm while Jisung kissed his cheek and jaw.
When Minho’s grip loosened and his breathing steadied, Jisung pulled back and slowly pushed back in. Minho moaned, biting his lip to stifle it, but Jisung wanted to hear him. He fucked him deep, making Minho’s back arch. Jisung slipped his arm under his waist, helping him arch even more, allowing him to get deeper.
“Ah,” Minho whimpered, and Jisung quickly pressed their lips together, swallowing his moans. He was relieved when Minho kissed him back, moving his arms to wrap around his neck. He slipped his fingers into Jisung’s hair, pulling him even closer.
He rocked his hips slowly until Minho groaned and tried to wiggle beneath him. Always so impatient.
“You want it rough?” Jisung asked. Minho’s eyes fluttered open, still heavy-lidded as he blinked up at him. He didn’t say anything, averting his gaze again. “Or do you want it slow and gentle?”
Jisung didn’t need to ask. He already knew the answer, but he was selfish, wanting to hear Minho beg him to fuck him until he could barely think.
Minho shook his head, and Jisung hated how quiet he was being. It made him worry.
“Tell me, baby. You know I’ll give you anything you want. Anything, Minho. Anything.” He sounded so fucking desperate that it was almost embarrassing.
“Hard,” he whispered harshly, like he was getting frustrated, not getting what he wanted. Jisung was just happy to hear him speak, grateful to know this wasn’t some dream.
Jisung kissed his jaw before slamming his hips into him. Minho clawed his fingers into his back as Jisung’s thrusts became relentless. If Minho’s moans hadn’t woken Hyunjin and Felix, then the loud slapping of their skin and the rocking of the pull-out bed certainly did. He fucked him hard, just like Minho liked, just the way he knew would make him lose his mind.
He wasn’t going to last long. It had been a year since he had sex, and his stamina was shot. But sleeping with anyone other than Minho was impossible—it wasn’t even a thought in his mind. So he was already close, because Minho felt so fucking good, gripping him tightly as he whined into his ear.
“I’ve missed you,” Jisung whispered, and Minho’s eyes instantly opened. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Jisung fucked him deep, making Minho whimper again, but this time, he saw tears glistening in his eyes.
It hurt when Minho didn’t respond. He could see the furrowing of his eyebrows and the unknown expression on his face. He knew those words might be too much for him, especially after everything that had happened, but it was the truth. Even though Minho had decided he didn’t want him anymore, Jisung still loved him like crazy.
Jisung leaned down to kiss him again, but his heart broke when Minho avoided it. His eyes were closed again, and Jisung hated that he had no idea what was going through his mind.
He kissed his neck instead, fucking him even harder.
“Ah, ah, ah,” Minho whimpered over and over as Jisung fucked him as hard as he could. Maybe he was being too aggressive, but the anger in his gut flared every time Minho pushed him away like that.
Just like he had before.
He didn’t want this to end, but he was so close, and hearing Minho whine from pleasure was driving him crazy.
“I’m going to cum,” he whispered to him. He gasped when Minho wrapped his ankles tightly around his waist. Jisung groaned, knowing exactly what he wanted.
Jisung sucked harshly on his neck, and he felt himself about to lose control. He tangled his fingers in Minho’s long hair, yanking his head back, forcing their gazes to meet for the first time that night.
Minho’s soft brown eyes looked troubled, and Jisung hated it so fucking much.
“Squeeze my cock,” he demanded, and Minho’s breath hitched. He did just as he was told, and Jisung felt the pleasure rip through his body.
Since it had been so long, it felt euphoric. He buried himself deep, finishing inside just like Minho wanted. He told him once in an embarrassed hush that he liked when he fucked him full of it, making him feel complete. Jisung groaned, remembering those soft and shy words.
He shivered when he saw the satisfaction on Minho’s face. His heart hammered, and his mind was whirling, but he knew Minho needed to cum too.
He stilled his hips, knowing Minho was close. It wouldn’t take long for him to cum, especially after Jisung came inside of him. He loved it, and he could see it in his eyes, even if he was still trying to avoid his gaze. He couldn’t hide his pleasure from him, though.
He gasped when Jisung gripped his cock, pumping him fast.
“Ah—ungh,” he whined, throwing his head back.
It only took four strokes for him to cum all over Jisung’s hand, striping the white liquid up his stomach. It glimmered on his white skin, his abdomen expanding and contracting with his heavy breaths.
“You’re so beautiful,” Jisung breathed, mesmerized by Minho’s blissed-out expression. He couldn’t help it as he stared at him. Minho’s eyes closed again, letting out a sharp breath as Jisung let go of his cock.
Minho shuddered and winced, discomfort flickering across his face, and Jisung knew he had to pull out. But he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to let him go.
After pressing one more soft kiss to his forehead, he gently withdrew from Minho’s body. He was a mess, and Jisung quickly reached for his shirt on the ground to clean him up.
He did the best he could with Minho completely limp and unresponsive. He wiped his stomach and helped get as much as he could out of him.
He threw his shirt back onto the floor, and his heart ached when he saw his eyes were still closed.
“Minho,” he said softly, but he didn’t say anything. Jisung reached to brush a soft hand over his cheek, his rhythmic breathing letting him know that he had passed out.
It was already after two, and they had to be up in five hours. He couldn’t wake him, though he desperately wanted to know if he was okay. He also needed to tell him he was sorry for everything.
Jisung sighed, lying down beside him. He pulled the covers over Minho’s body, slipping underneath them himself. His warmth was comforting, and Jisung rested his forehead gently on his shoulder.
He kissed his skin one last time, letting his lips linger on his heat for just a moment before he closed his eyes, trying to find sleep.