Chapter Text
“These things used to be normal, you know.” Shanks said over the voices arguing around him as he passed in his playing cards to Nami on his right. She had just finished collecting her winning chips, organizing them in neat piles in front of her on the poker table. She passed the cards next to her to Luffy, swatting his hand away as he tried to grab a poker chip, no doubt to try and scoop up some sour cream and onion dip again.
The seat to Luffy’s right was currently empty, but next to it sat a very unamused Mihawk, taking a sip from his wine. Shanks had no doubt the swordsman was very grumpy that Zoro had somehow gotten lost on the way.
“I find that hard to believe.” Mihawk said, eyes sweeping over the others around the table, gaze landing on Buggy next to him who was standing and yelling at Burgess about cheating.
“We’re all cheating. That’s the point.” Crocodile said from Buggy’s other side as he pushed the clown back down into his seat before taking his own and turning to Blackbeard on his right. “Wouldn’t you agree, Teach?”
“Is that what we’re doing?” Blackbeard said with a cackle that made more than one person’s brow wrinkle in disgust. The annual Yonko Poker night had been a tradition since long before Shanks had been named an Emperor, and even though no one really cared to be around him, not inviting Teach and his second in command was out of the question.
Next to Teach was Burgess, who was looking at the face up cards in front of him with the same look of dumb confusion he’d had on his face all night. He briefly looked up as Beckman rejoined the group, sitting down between him and Shanks and handing his captain a tankard full of beer.
Shanks had to admit, the seating chart was incredibly well thought out. He wondered how many hours Mihawk had put into crafting it. Guessing by Mihawk’s smug look when they had all first taken their seats, he was very proud of himself.
“Boss’s idea of ‘normal’ may be a little off, “ Beckman said, ignoring Shanks’s sound of protest, “but it definitely wasn’t ever like this before.
The four most powerful pirates on the seas and their second in commands just existing in the same room would negate anything even approaching normalcy. Suffice it to say, there were many reasons they only did it once a year and not once a month as had originally been proposed. Even with the strict rules governing the night-such as no fighting, no use of Observation Haki, etc-the group of Shanks, Whitebeard, Big Mom and Kaido along with their first mates had often left the location of the game with at least a few craters where there hadn’t been any before.
“Bet you at least played normal poker back then.” Teach grumbled, taking a sip of his own beer.
It had been normal poker, actually. Just a nice, easy game with ridiculously high stakes at times. That was supposed to be the same now, but all that had changed as soon as Luffy had gone Gear 5.
“Yeah but it’s not fun to always do things exactly the same way. If everyone already knows how to do it, we can make it even more fun!” Luffy said, somehow getting the cards to jump from one hand to the other in a perfect arch. He wasn’t even sitting in a chair, just floating cross legged in the air next to Nami, wispy clouds drifting around him. His smile was so bright, it was almost blinding.
Shanks sucked in a breath. It had been awhile since he had been shocked by something Luffy said, by now he was used to hearing his Captain’s words coming out of the boy's mouth, but this one genuinely caught him off guard.
“The flashy fuck?” Buggy said and Shanks turned to see Buggy looking at him with a similar shocked expression. They’d both been there when Roger had said almost the exact same thing about a piñata at a birthday party. Come to think of it, that had ended in just as much chaos as this was devolving into.
“I told you.” Shanks said, a knowing smile replacing his surprised expression.
“He just..” Buggy said
“Yes.” Shanks replied
“And he always…?”
“Yes.”
“So…that means he’s gonna..”
“Definitely.” Shanks finished their half conversation firmly, not an ounce of doubt in his voice.
“FUCK!” Buggy shouted and collapsed against the poker table, burying his face in his arms.
“Care to explain what just happened?” Crocodile asked.
Buggy turned his head to look miserably up at him, “I’m never going to be king of the pirates.”
“Nope!” Luffy said with a somewhat deranged giggle
“Hey!” Nami snapped, “You know the rules, no talking about any of that.”
“Sorry.” Buggy and Luffy said at the same time, both of them actually sounding remorseful.
“Okay!” Luffy said, setting the cards down and stretching his arm out almost grotesquely to draw what looked like a rune in the middle of the table. It actually started glowing. “Time for the Boss! Face cards are sad now!”
“What the flashy fuck do you mean, ‘Face cards are sad now?’” Buggy screeched, sitting back up so fast that his head detached for a moment.
“He means all face cards are debuffed this round.” Nami explained, pulling out a Tarot card and watching it dissolve as one of the cards in her had shimmered gold.
“That means you need to get rid of Paradolia.” Crocodile said to Buggy as he used his good hand to rub tiredly at his temple.
“Para-What the fuck?” Buggy asked, turning to him.
“That one.” Crocodile said, using his hook to point to a joker card which featured a picture of several cards forming the outline of a smile, as they looked at it, the smile dropped into a frown. “It makes all your cards count as face cards.”
“How the hell do you even remember that?” Buggy said, throwing his hands up in the air, both of them detaching and flopping comically next to his cards.
“Croc is being nice tonight” Luffy said, his strange smile growing even wider as he cackled, and grabbed the deck again.
Shanks had noticed that too, how Crocodile seemed to dole out advice to Buggy as they played. Nami, Crocodile and Shanks seemed to be the only ones who were having any success understanding and playing whatever the hell version of poker it was that Luffy had cooked up.
“The big bad Crocodile’s on a leash, huh?” Blackbeard said with his signature laugh, prompting several glares, winces and rolled eyes as everyone began trading and upgrading their jokers and consumable cards.
Shanks couldn’t help but notice the look all three members of Crossguild sent towards Blackbeard, a little surprised to see Mihawk react to that as well. There was only so much any of them could do without actually igniting a war between the four of them.
“Quite the opposite, actually.” Mihawk said icily, eyes boring into him and making Blackbeard hold up his hands in mock surrender.
“Don’t need to aim those eyes at me, Dracule.” Teach teased, “It’s all in fun, right?”
“Shut up.” Luffy said with a wild laugh, interrupting whatever argument was about to happen next, “It’s time to play.”
He started dealing the cards, and it didn’t escape Shanks's notice that the ones he dealt to Teach were thrown much harder than the others.
–
Despite his efforts to help Buggy out, Crocodile won that round. He was now a few million berries richer, and the proud owner of a jewel encrusted knife (courtesy of Nami) the blood spattered deed to a piece of land in the west blue (courtesy of Burgess) and a pair of lace underwear (courtesy of Shanks who refused to explain where he got them or if they were used).
“Why exactly are you so good at this?” Beck asked as everyone around the table started once again passing in or trading Joker cards.
“Yeah.” Nami piped up, pulling out a joker with a pair of pants on it and laying it down, “I’m used to all this, and Shanks and Luffy are creepily alike.”
Shanks wasn’t sure what to make of that, but he decided that it was a compliment.
“So what’s your excuse?” Nami continued, looking pointedly at Crocodile who waved his hook dismissively and laid down a Jupiter card which shook on the table before disappearing.
“What, you think he got his imagination from Dragon?” He said and then froze, looking up at everyone who also paused, only the sound of cards being dealt remained until the silence was broken by Luffy’s bright laughter.
“Yeah I guess that makes sense!” Luffy said, completely unbothered as Nami looked from him to Crocodile in disbelief. “Time for the small blind!”
“Does that mean what I think it does?” Teach asked incredulously, still staring at Crocodile.
“I really need to stop drinking.” Crocodile said with a groan, staring down into his cup as one of Buggy’s hands floated up to pat his shoulder sympathetically.
He was saved from any other inquiry as Teach picked up the pile of cards in front of him, only to curse and throw one down at the table.
“It bit me!” He yelled, and held up his hand.
Sure enough, the tip of his right pointer finger seemed to be missing. There wasn’t any blood, it was just gone.
“Did that thing just steal your finger?” Burgess shouted, looking at the card on the table in trepidation.
Shanks sighed and reached out to flip the card over, coating his own hand in armament Haki just in case, and wasn’t surprised to see that it was the Ace of Spades.
“Yeah. That card hates you.” Luffy said with a nod and tossed a replacement card at Teach who caught it with a scowl.
Before Teach could respond, half the wall behind Mihawk collapsed, two sword slashes crashing into the room. Moving lightning quick, Mihawk grabbed the hilt of Yoru and deflected one of them. The other cut clean through the poker table and crashed into Shanks’s blade. Neither of them made a move to stand as they watched Zoro stride in through the dust.
“Aw, you started without me?”
–
To no one’s surprise, Mihawk had brought a backup table and they were back to playing Luffy’s weird game in no time. Shanks had no doubt that Nami would come out on top in the end, but it didn’t really matter. This had accomplished what he’d hoped it would. He knew exactly where crossguild stood now, and he couldn’t help but be just a little pleased.
Now, there was only one emperor who didn’t know exactly who the next pirate king would be, and Shanks was confident that in the end, Teach wouldn’t stand a chance against the rest of them and they wouldn’t have to deal with him at the next poker night.