Work Text:
A high schooler finds a notebook
And devises a plan.
It begins
With calculated murder,
Criminals, one by one, cry out for a savior as their hearts stop ticking.
Step 2, we’re not all that sure
But step 3 ends with profit,
Becoming god of a new world
Guarded by
Kira.
Also there’s Ryuk
He’s like hot topic’s cover model or something
He tells Light neat junk about his notebook
Eats fruit
And watches Light like his life is a trashy drama
(it is).
We then receive a letter
Realistically it turns out just to be a frog
With no endearing qualities
But we love him
Because he’s sweet.
Raye Penber
He’s pretty chill
But Light kills him
Moving on.
L puts up some cameras to look at Light,
Not because he’s a pervert,
As Misa Amane will warn you of,
But because Light may or may not be killing people??
This frog searches for this teenager, with a big enough ego to battle his own.
By the time he decides that this child must be insane,
Light has leveled up.
Not to God, but to college student
(which is two steps below God.)
Our main letter,
As of now,
L,
Has a very intense staring match with Light
It’s full of sexual tension
Also him revealing his identity as L
But mostly sexual tension and a red and blue color trip.
Problem!!
Our mass murderer can’t kill L,
They just met and he doesn’t know his name!!
This sucks.
L also has a problem
Light is Kira, but he has a lack of evidence.
How do you get evidence?
Sleeping together
Tennis.
It’s a start to the profiling,
They are both also way too good at this sport,
And then they go out for food, because
Reasons.
During the date Light’s dad has a heart attack
But Light didn’t do it
So he’s fine.
Light tells L to put him in a cell
Because it’s a huge turn on
But L says, no that’s nasty, for now.
Also a new Kira is on the news.
Whatever.
Naomi is pretty fucking badass
But she also gets messed up by our very own Mr.Khaki
Which is upsetting.
But at least she’s with her douche-canoe
(husband).
They also try to contact Kira 2.
Who made like a devil deal with a purple bone monster,
Who probably wants to jump Kira 2’s bones
Because she’s hot.
So now our Second Kira only need a face to kill.
Neato!
Everyone else is panicking, and Light’s grumpy about this.
The little police officer who could, Matsuda
And Light go to try and meet up with New Kira
Who found Light
With her crazy eyes.
This Kira is Misa Amane
Who loves Light
Because she owes him a solid.
Purple Monster Rem threatens Light
Because he’s kind of a dick
And they love Misa
Cute.
That’ll fuck ‘em over in the end though.
L says that if he dies Light is Kira
Uncool.
Misa meets Light at school and sees L’s name
Then she’s arrested.
L says torture her
Because fuck it, he’s L.
She relinquishes her death note, and doesn’t remember Rem
Or being a murderer.
Light says he might be Kira???
So L locks him up,
And also Light’s Dad, because he’s dadly.
Light gets rid of the notebook
And forgets everything
Now he’s a sweety.
L has Light’s dad pretend to go crazy and threatens to shoot the sweet bunnies
For a confession
They probably have PTSD
But it’s cool, he’s L.
L and Light are wrist buddies
Handcuffs galore.
They catch the NEW NEW kiras.
And then Light touches his old diary
And realizes
Damn! I’m Kira.
Then he gets Misa in danger
L and old man with a mustache (Watari) die
And so does purple person,
I told you it’d bite ‘em in the ass,
Light is then L for 5 years
(one step below god)
Because you can’t control the world unless you have buns hun.
Then you have L’s real successors
Blonde Mobster with an addiction to chocolate (Mello)
And Pajama Man, who enjoys toys (Near)
These dudes go after Kira
Because he’s a dick bag
And this is highlander
So there can only be one L.
Near makes the SPK ,Space Pink Kittens,
To catch Kira.
While Mello goes the traditional route, mobsters and kidnapping.
Mello kidnaps the director of the NPA
And Light kills him
So Mello decides to kidnap his sister, Sayu
(so smol and innocent)
While Light is panicking
Near calls and is like
“I know this is a bad time, but you ain’t L, K? Bye.”
Near and Light hang out to rescue the small.
Dadliest Dad goes on a rescue mission for small.
After a bit of shenanigans and actual plot
Dad Light gets killed by Mello
For the funsies.
The U.S claims fuck that shit in Japan
We’re America, we don’t care.
Mello’s got a cool scar now.
And is kinda chillin’ with Near now.
So now Near wants to go after Light.
But Light then threatens America for the location of the SPK,
Light makes a new friend
Mikami
Who wants to kill people
Cool.
He hires Takada to be a spokesperson.
Nice.
Mikami is caught
But he has no clue
Near does shit to fuck up Light’s godliness.
Somewhere in here a kid named Matt gets shot
He liked video games
It probably said
“I forgot to save”
on his GRAVE
Mello kidnaps Takada
Takada kills Mello
Light kills Takada.
It’s the circle of life.
Near swip-swapped the notebook with a fake
So he wins and junk
Matsuda shoots Light
Light runs away after looking really nuts.
Ryuk kills him,
Before he dies he sees the letter frog.
Near probably did some cool L shit
The End.