Chapter Text
He rolled his hips into her with controlled jolts. She had already been moments from orgasm before he had entered her with a sharp, gliding snap, and now as he continued relentlessly, refusing to let her fall from her high, her voice was hoarse from the haggard, gulping screams he elicited from her. The sounds she made only seemed to encourage him, and as he approached his own release, his composure disintegrated.
His breath was warm on her skin, his mouth open and hovering over her throat as he panted. She clenched around him, hazily smirking when he gave a deep groan, but he wouldn’t be slowed. He rutted into her, sacrificing power for speed as their hips violently slapped together.
“Come on the outside,” she croaked.
He didn’t hear her.
His voice elongated into a shaky cry as his muscles tensed. Dazed, she watched the veins in his throat go taut, his face moist with sweat and flushed. He shuddered, spilling warm ribbons of his thick, viscous essence into her. The feeling of him coating her insides was too pleasant for her to complain then.
When he shifted off, he settled next to her in what small space the bunk had to offer, their chests heaving in tandem. She blinked at the black durasteel over their heads, and he rubbed her hipbone with his thumb, smearing over the blossoming mark he had left there with his giving lips.
“When do you have to go back?” she asked.
He shifted onto his side, gently kissing her. “Too soon.”
She nodded, winding an arm around his neck.
Their meetings were always too short. Brief entanglements that spanned hours and minutes rather than the days and weeks she could have spent in Ren’s bed; it was difficult to keep completely secret.
Most of her friends in the Resistance had figured Rey was meeting someone during her monthly disappearances, and she didn’t bother to refute. She wasn’t going to lie to them, and their whispered suspicions were not going to do her any harm. They could think what they wanted.
She had no idea what Ren said to those of the First Order when he left. Most likely, they knew about as much as her friends did. It wasn’t easy, to have a secret relationship with a man who was technically her enemy. Technicalities hardly stopped him from staining her skin with his mouth, though.
His mother knew--had probably known it would happen before she did--but General Organa never said anything. Rey wasn’t sure if she was disappointed, or if she honestly didn’t know what she could say. She waited for General Organa to beg her to bring Ben home, as she had once asked Han, but she didn’t. Rey suffered through her concerned glances and knowing frowns.
General Organa only knew what her son had done, not who he was. Rey brushed the woman’s worry aside.
Rey didn’t expect a change. She didn’t want any. What she had with Ren was complicated enough as it was.
Complications found her anyway.
She cursed Ren’s name, tears streaming down her face as she sat in a medic’s office, awaiting the results of her urine test. Rey already knew what she was going to be told, but to find the test positive was still a slap to her face. She clutched her middle, weeping.
That night, she gathered her few belongings and stole away without a word.
She met Ren a week later. Rey had sold her burgled X-Wing for a cheaper transport, and though it was not the nicest thing she had ever flown, it was better than being recognized as part of the Resistance.
The system they agreed to meet on was neutral, and grey clouds clung to the sky as she stood, watching Ren’s upsilon class shuttle gracefully descend. Before he could stumble down the ramp, she could feel his choking panic. He could sense it. The complication. It tore at him.
She stood her ground as he burst towards her, chucking his mask to the dirt as he approached. He stopped with only a foot between them, and she tilted her face upward to look him in the eye. His expression was utterly tormented. She bit her lip.
“Rey...” his voice was strangled, “you’re...?”
She nodded, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. Some part of him, buried deep, pulled tight and then snapped; Rey could feel it so acutely, it was as if she was the one breaking. Her chest squeezed tight, and she struggled to breathe.
He sunk to his knees in a boneless slump. She watched as he carefully peeled back her top, revealing a flat, muscular stomach. It wouldn’t stay that way for much longer. A horrible noise ripped from his chest, something akin to a bawl, and his forehead and palms pressed to her bared skin. Rey let her tears fall, her hands stroking his hair.
“Snoke can’t have him,” he rasped, his voice fluctuating wildly. “He’ll want him. He can’t--”
“Snoke won’t get anywhere close to me or the--”
Ren’s eyes were rimmed with red when he looked up sharply. He wrapped his arms around her waist in a blatant show of possession.
“Snoke was able to get to me, and I was surrounded by heroes that were responsible for taking down the Galactic Empire,” he spoke in a dangerous tone. “I’m not taking any chances. Not with you,” he nudged towards her belly with his chin, “not with him.”
She wanted to ask how he could possibly know she was to have a son. It could wait.
“What do we do?” she sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “A Resistance medic already knows I’m pregnant. If we--”
He interrupted her. “I’m not going there, and neither are you. You left them for a good reason. They wouldn’t help us, and you know that.”
“Well, we have a short list of friends. Obviously the First Order is out of the question!”
“I’d never suggest that--”
Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth. She huffed. “Your mother could help us, Ren. She still loves you, even now. Maybe if we...”
He shook his dark curls into her abdomen, the end of his nose digging into her skin. His voice was adamant.
“No. I’m not letting that woman anywhere near him.”
“Ren, we don’t have many options. If she’s willing to help without involving the Resistance, then I don’t see what the problem--”
His voice was scathing, forceful, unstoppable. “My mother knew Snoke was trying to get to me, even when I was a baby. She was able to sense his presence, and she did nothing. Not until she was afraid of me, and then she just pushed me away, dumping me with Skywalker. She was too busy playing with her real baby--the New Republic--to care what happened to her son. General Organa can’t help us. I won’t even consider it.”
Rey let out a shaky sigh. The resentment he had for his mother would not be easily forgotten, and she wouldn’t force him to forgive General Organa. He brushed his lips against the skin just below her belly-button, and through the fog of desperation and dread and fear, she felt his frightening protectiveness. He had such a fierce, unexpected love for the little life they hadn’t wanted or planned for.
In his mind, she could hear his greedy mantra of mine, mine, mine, mine, mine...
Rey didn’t know how he could feel that way so quickly, not when she was so afraid to even think about their child. What sort of monster could they have created together? Ren’s family had a long legacy of causing chaos in the galaxy.
“Tell me what we should do, then, because I don’t know.” she whispered, shoulders jutting up as she dipped her head forward. She buried her face in her hands, her entire body quivering with her shed tears.
Ren returned to his full height. His face burrowed into the crook of her neck, his hair obscuring his expression, but she could feel the moisture from his own crying against her throat. He was perhaps more terrified than even she was, and they clung to each other, standing between their two ships.
“We run,” he answered at last.
They ran. For weeks. They jumped from one world to the next, avoiding any system that aligned themselves with either the First Order or the Resistance for fear of recognition. They would land, sell their transport, and then instantly turn around to purchase a new one. Sometimes they got away unscathed. Other times, they were seen and had to rush back into the relative safety of hyperspace.
She had always been so slim, years of starvation keeping her from filling out properly, so Rey noticed right away when she started showing. She purchased a long, hooded cloak to wear whenever they landed somewhere new. She didn’t need someone targeting her because they thought she would be easier to take down in her delicate state.
Ren was happy, in a strange way. Terrified, unable to sit still, but happy nonetheless. He looked at her as if she had arranged the stars, and it startled her sometimes. He felt so much all at once, while she was having a difficult time just accepting their child--son, he insisted.
Really, though, Rey was exhausted. She was strong, but the constant travel was wearing her down, and she feared what sort of strain it would have on the vulnerable being inside her. And Ren was, too. Whenever she woke, Rey would find his head in her lap, a hand splayed over the small swell of her stomach. His eyes were just a bit more haunted by shadows every time.
He would mumble so quietly she barely understood, but it was always, “I’ll protect you, I’ll protect you.”
She wasn’t even sure he slept. He was so consumed by his desire to keep them safe he wouldn’t allow himself the luxury of shutting his eyes.
It was becoming more and more evident they couldn’t keep up their restless pattern of wandering.
“We need to find somewhere more permanent,” she told him at last, cradled into his larger form.
He squeezed his arms slightly.
“I’m fine,” he grumbled, stubborn as ever.
She disagreed, but that was hardly the point. “I’m not,” she replied tersely.
He tensed behind her, hands flying to their son in an instant, sweeping carefully through them both with the force. Of course, there was nothing for him to find. He pulled her closer to him, digging deeper. She could feel his panic curl around them both in weighted plumes.
“The baby is fine,” she assured him, grabbing one of his hands to steady him, “but I’m completely spent. You are too.”
He shifted, opening his mouth to argue. “Rey--”
“It isn’t good,” she insisted. “We can’t keep it up. I need to be able to rest without worrying about another Star Destroyer on our tail, or another bounty hunter, or another run in with the Resistance, and so do you. You’re not going to be able to protect us if you’re dead on your feet.”
He huffed. It was getting harder for him to fight her on this. She pressured him further.
“And I’m not completely helpless. I don’t need you hovering over me every second,” she paused a moment, lacing her fingers through his. “I’m worried about you.”
Slowly, he exhaled. He leaned his head forward to rest his chin on her shoulder.
“You already have something in mind,” he intoned. That was as close as he would get to surrendering, Rey realized.
She smiled a moment, turning her head to kiss his cheek. “I do have something in mind.”
Though she was well aware he wouldn’t like it.
She rose, stepping out of his hold, and he made a low, dissatisfied grumble. He followed her into the cockpit of their current vessel, watching with a narrowed gaze as she entered a series of coordinates.
“Takodana?” he glowered.
Rey straightened her back and shot a glare up at him. “Maz is neutral. I know she leans towards the Resistance, but she wouldn’t give us up. Moreover, Maz likes me.”
He paced the small space behind her. “Perhaps she doesn’t mind you, but Maz Kanata despises me. I killed one of her favorite smugglers. The last time I took a trip to Takodana, I brought with me a fleet of Stormtroopers that destroyed her castle. Her castle filled with bounty hunters and First Order supporters and Resistance spies. Maz is by far the worst person to go to.”
“So she’ll chew you out a bit,” she scoffed. “I think she’s earned the right.”
Ren gave her a withering stare.
“Fine,” Rey said, “you can stay with the ship. I’ll go in on my own.”
“Most definitely not!” he growled back. “I’m going with you.”
She beamed up at him. “I knew we could reach an agreement eventually.”
They landed a good distance away from the castle. Rey was relieved to see that it had mostly been rebuilt in the time since her last visit, and if the ships docked in the surrounding area were any indication, Maz had already reopened the old watering hole. Part of Rey had wondered if she might have moved on, but she supposed Maz was too set in her ways to leave her home now.
With great trepidation, Ren led her inside, seemingly determined to keep her at his back. It was packed with gamblers and drunks and general scum, as to be expected, but that did nothing to hide their presence.
Maz’s voice was a loud roar. “BEN SOLO!”
If the situation had been any different, Rey might have laughed, especially when seeing Ren cringe. Though he may not have liked it, the use of his birth name in itself was a gift. Very few knew that Ben Solo and Kylo Ren were one and the same. They watched as Maz pushed past men and beasts that were three, four, five, six times her size, all of whom gave her a wide berth.
“How dare you come into my home, after what you did?”
He swallowed, muttering towards Rey, “I told you this was a bad idea.”
Maz was still glaring when she turned to Rey, but her expression was quick to soften. The cloak proved useless to Maz’s knowing eyes; instantly, she understood their situation.
Scowling up at Ren again, she took Rey’s hand. “Come, child. Let me get something tasty and warm in your belly. I have a feeling this brat hasn’t been taking proper care of you.”
Ren bristled beside her, but she scolded him under her breath. “There are better things to argue over.”
“Listen to the girl,” Maz advised with disdain. “She’s smarter than you.”
Rey had to give him a hard look in order to make him follow. Which he only did after letting a slew of curses fall from his tongue.
“You never considered going home,” Maz commented, watching as Rey filled a plate at her table. There was no question, it was a fact.
It had been a long time since Rey had eaten anything beyond bland rations. In another life, the taste of rations would not have bothered her. Now she was scarfing down whatever she could reach, humming as fruit juice dripped down her chin.
“Of course not,” Ren answered, reaching over to swipe the juice from her face with his thumb. He sucked it into his mouth, only further betraying the level of their intimacy. It didn’t go unnoticed. “That isn’t an option, so if marching up to the Resistance is the only help you’re going to offer, we’re leaving.”
Maz scrutinized them both. “Your poor mother is on her own, then. She’s a good woman, Ben. She doesn’t deserve this.”
“She’s the one that dumped me,” he snarled. “Forgive me if I don’t pity her very much.”
Maz shook her head at him, her tone firm. “What of the woman sitting beside you, then? That is your child she carries, is it not? I can tell you’ve both been on the run constantly, not giving yourselves a moment to properly breathe. Do you think she deserves this?”
Rey swallowed what she had shoved into her mouth indiscriminately, some sort of meat, she is certain, and pushed her mostly empty plate forward. Normal food had been a bit too much at the rate she had devoured it, and as it settled in her stomach, she felt slightly queazy.
“Maz, he’s been trying his best,” Rey interjected softly. “He’s been killing himself, trying to keep us safe.”
Ren grazed a hand over her midriff.
“As he should,” Maz told her with a harsh tone. “Perhaps now you can understand what it is to be a father.”
This remark was meant to be abrasive, and Rey saw it cut through him, past the superficial layers of his skin and through armor of muscle and dense bone to slice at his soft insides. She watched him bleed internally, helpless to comfort him. She knew she shouldn’t console him, not when he had been the cause of his own father’s death.
His eyes drifted into his lap, but that could not hide the mistiness she perceived in them.
“In so many ways, you’re still such a boy,” Maz sighed. Rey sensed her pity though, wondering if her empathy was enough to help them.
Ren didn’t disagree with her statement, continuing to stare downward. “I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. I’ve done things that I’ll regret for the rest of my life, but don’t condemn my son’s life because of my actions.”
“You’ve done that yourself, Ben.”
He looked up with child-like surprise, his jaw slackening slightly. “You mean to tell me there’s no hope? No chance for my son?”
Rey had to resist the urge to reach for him, to press her palm to his cheek, to stroke his hair and the length of his scar. She wanted to say that Maz didn’t mean that, but Rey couldn’t be sure. Sadly, she caressed the slight rise of her stomach, trying to think of another solution. It was difficult to keep from crying; she was exhausted, hormonal, and utterly friendless. Maz had been their best chance.
“There’s always hope,” Maz said at last, exhaling. “You’re very lucky that I have a weakness for women and children, because--”
Maz paused, her wrinkled face scrunching up as she sensed something. A visitor she hadn’t been expecting.