Chapter Text
Property of Trafalgar Law
DO NOT OPEN
Violators will be Exsanguinated via Slow Conscious Dismemberment
Entry 1
Hello
Hi
How does one even start something like this?
I suppose I should explain why I am even writing this to begin with.
I've been having trouble sleeping. That is to say, more trouble than usual. Actually, I've gotten so little sleep I am basically hallucinating my way through the days. I'm here on the StrawHat ship for reasons that I will explain later. My crew is currently unavailable and my usual insomnia-busting drug regimen isn't working. I asked their doctor if he had any insight on new medicinal options I hadn't tried. He asked me a series of probing questions I was unprepared to answer and pointed me in the direction of their archeologist.
Apparently, Nico Robin is the ship's de facto therapist. I was skeptical, since she seemed so cold when I first met her. I asked if we could speak in private and she led me to the ship's aquarium. That's where the crew goes if they need privacy. I learned a while ago that there is an unspoken rule that if the door to the aquarium is closed, no one knocks or enters until it's opened again by whomever is inside. Honestly, it's not a bad space for a therapy session. I was a little uncomfortable given my previous history with the space but I'll get to that later.
Anyway, after speaking with the archeologist-therapist, she suggested I start a journal to "work through" my experiences. I guess she could sense my skepticism, so she told me that if I had a hard time writing, I could address it to someone specific - someone I trusted with my most personal feelings and thoughts. Problem is, I don't have anyone like that. I wouldn't even tell Bepo some of the shit I'm going to write in here. Besides, they all look at me like I have all the answers. I can't admit to them that this idiot has me scrambling for answers I previously thought were obvious.
So that's why I decided to write to you, Cora. I figure you can't read this anyway since you're dead. If you were alive today, I feel like you'd listen to me if I needed to talk. Maybe you'd laugh at me a little, but I probably deserve it and I'd know it wasn't because you were judging me.
If I'm doing this journaling thing then I intend to go all in. So, sorry, but I'm not leaving anything out, even if I probably should. Prepare to be uncomfortable, I guess. Maybe if I write it all down, this will stop swimming around in my brain and I can actually get some sleep. I'm still not convinced, but I need something to do with my hands and I've run out of fingernails to bite off.
I'm not sure where to start or how to catch you up. It was hard after you left, Cora. You'd be proud of me though, I think. I cured myself just like you planned. I managed to hide away from Doflamingo in various cities. I stole all the books I could find. I scraped out a living for a while selling some low level drugs (nothing that addictive, don't worry) and some other stuff . You'd be less proud of me for that, probably. I saved enough to go out to sea though. And I found a great crew. You would like them - they smile a lot just like you did.
I guess I should get to the root of the problem already. The first time I saw StrawHat was at the auction house. I still can't believe he decked a Celestial Dragon right in the face. I think that was when I decided I wanted him on my side - if only because I really didn't feel like being on the receiving end of a punch like that. Besides, anybody with the balls to pick a fight with the entire World Government like that was probably someone worth knowing. I thought maybe I could reign in his chaos and direct it at my enemies. That was a really stupid plan. I've discovered my only true talent is stupid plans.
I'm not totally sure why I decided to go to that war in the first place. I guess it was just a bad feeling I had. (Oh, by the way, White Beard started a war with the marines over First Fist Ace who turned out to be StrawHat's brother.. Ace died in the war and so did White Beard.) StrawHat's injuries were beyond severe - it took me almost eight hours to put him back together. I really wasn't sure he was going to live through it. I remember sitting next to him, listening to his ragged breathing for hours afterwards. I had him on every pain killer I had on the ship and he still cried out in his sleep. There's some pain you just can't treat. Ask me how I know.
When he woke up screaming, I knew it was going to be trouble. I guess I'm lucky he had his breakdown off my ship. It really would have been a pain if I had to rebuild that surgical suite. Luckily, Jinbe was able to calm him down before he killed himself. When I left them there on Amazon Lily, I still wasn't sure if he would live or not. He was going to have to choose that for himself.
I was relieved surprised to see him on Punk Hazard after two years of hearing absolutely nothing about him. I had finally gotten into a position where I could start getting back at Doflamingo. I'd learned he was making these fake devil fruits and selling them to Kaido. He'd also enslaved almost the entire population of Dressrosa and was using his title of Warlord to keep the navy from doing anything about it. I thought I could take StrawHat's talent for explosive violence and point it at Doflamingo's SMILE operation. Again, this was stupid.
StrawHat has got to be the most infuriating person I have ever met. He never follows directions - even when they're dead simple. Well, I'll take that back. He managed to show some restraint by not actually murdering Caesar when he had the chance. That guy is such a scumbag though, I'm not totally sure I would have blamed StrawHat for that one.
After we left Punk Hazard is when things started to get complicated. The StrawHats love to party. I mean, really love it. So when we pulled out to sea, they just kept the party going. I'd had a couple drinks so I was a little tipsy. StrawHat came over to me and grabbed my wrist.
"Come on, I want to show you something," he said, pulling me away from the music, which was honestly fine because I was getting tired of the noise anyway. It wasn't really about leaving the party, it was more that I didn't want him bossing me around.
I pulled his hand off my wrist. "Don't drag me around, StrawHat," I said.
He laughed. "Ok fine, but you have to follow me, Torao. I know you want to see." He looked at me over his shoulder and smiled. It wasn't his usual big goofy grin, though. It was different - small. I'd have almost called it shy if I didn't know better.
He led me to the aquarium and shut the door. I hadn't been down there yet so I was pretty distracted by the giant glass wall with moving fish, so I didn't actually notice he'd closed the door until I heard the latch click. He walked over to the couch along the wall, pulling his heavy coat off and dropping it on the floor. He sat down on one of the cushions and motioned for me to join him.
I still don't know why I walked over there and sat down next to him. Did I mention I was a little tipsy? Plus I was tired.
Anyway, when he started pulling his shirt off I decided to finally ask him what the hell we were down there for.
"Well you were the one who fixed me so," he pointed to his chest, "I figured you'd want to see how it healed."
If you knew StrawHat, you'd understand why this was unexpected. The way he acts in public... It's like he just does whatever pops into his head the moment he thinks it. Sure he cares about his crew and other people he's met along the way but I didn't really think he paid that close attention to what other people thought about or liked. So to say I was surprised that he had considered what I would be interested in and actually got it right, would be an understatement.
I very much wanted to see. I love examining my work after it heals. People don't usually just offer to show me, though. I usually have to beg for my patients to let me check their healing immediately post-op. They're typically a little too afraid of me to stick around. That's my own fault I guess.
Anyway, there we were, sitting in the aquarium room, StrawHat half undressed and looking at me expectantly. His skin was lit softly by the blue-green light from the aquarium wall behind us as it rippled across the bare expanse of his chest. The angle of the light made it so I could tell the jagged edges of the large scar on his chest were raised a little.
"Can I touch?" I asked.
"On one condition," he responded.
"What's that?"
"I get to touch your tattoos."
I clicked my tongue.
"I don't usually just let people touch me, StrawHat," I said.
"Come on Torao," he said. "Gotta make it fair." He was smiling at me again with that same smile from before. I've since learned it usually means I'm about to agree to do something incredibly stupid.
"Fine," I agreed. "But only the ones above the waist." He raised an eyebrow at that and I got the feeling I'd come to regret giving him that information.
I reached out and traced my fingers along the junction of scar tissue and smooth skin. His skin was so much hotter than I expected since it wasn't exactly warm in the room. It had been freezing when we walked in, actually. I could feel the small ripples along the scar where I'd placed the sutures two years ago.
"It probably would have been a lot smaller if you hadn't ricocheted around that island like an idiot, you know," I said, following the lines down his chest a little further. It had healed better than I had expected.
"Hmmm," StrawHat hummed softly as I continued slowly examining the bottom edges. I looked up at him to make sure he wasn't uncomfortable and his face.. well. He certainly wasn't uncomfortable. He'd closed his eyes and his cheeks were flushed. He looked back at me, eyes still half closed, and suddenly the room wasn't so cold anymore. I pulled my hands back.
"My turn," he said with a half-smile, half-smirk.
I looked over at the door as I started to pull the zipper on my coat down.
"Don't worry, no one comes in if the door is shut," StrawHat said reassuringly. "It's a rule."
It's not like I'm shy about my body or anything. I walk around shirtless all the time. Besides, I taught myself how to get used to people staring at my body years ago. I don't know why this suddenly felt so different - so intimate . I really should have just left. I didn't owe him anything, and I don't let people touch me for free .
I was pulling my shirt over my head before my thoughts actually caught up with my actions. I honestly didn't think three drinks was enough to make me lose it like that but here we are. I am a professional bad decision maker after all. StrawHat looked at me like I was a meal and I could feel my face burning.
"Well, you said you wanted to touch," I said, looking away to watch the fish lazily swim past. If I pretend I'm bored, people fizzle out pretty quick so I do that when I want things to just be done already. I figured StrawHat would react the same as everyone else since he seemed to have the attention span of a hamster. I tried to go to the little detached part of my brain that I go to when I need to.
Unfortunately, I still jumped a little when he touched me. He was more gentle than I expected. His fingers traced along my shoulder first, agonizingly slow.
"Oh, I didn't think they'd stand up like that," StrawHat mumbled softly, mostly to himself.
"They aren't always raised like this," I said. "It's just how my skin holds the ink."
His fingers began wandering along my chest tattoo. I wonder if he could feel how fast my heart was beating in my chest. I don't usually get so worked up that easily, but I felt like I was being slowly dismantled and examined piece by piece. I felt completely naked, despite having only removed my coat and shirt. It was - I don't even know what words to use for it. Whatever it was, I hadn't felt it in a long time. I had to stifle a gasp when he accidentally grazed my right nipple with his hand. I focused on the fish again.
I actually gasped when I felt something hot and wet press against the middle of my chest. He looked up at me, with that little smile on his face again.
"Sorry, I wanted to see if it tasted different from your other skin," he murmured in a voice I didn't recognize. He didn't look even remotely sorry, looking up at me like that. He was practically in my lap, both hands on my waist. His touch was like fire. I swear he left prints.
"I guess we should head back to the party," I said, unconvincingly.
"Why? It seemed like you were having fun," he said, looking at me with that damn smile again. This was when I started to catch on that the goofy, dumb kid thing was an act.
I picked my shirt up off the floor and placed a hand right in the middle of StrawHat's chest, pushing him back a little.
"I'm glad you healed up well. I'm tired - I'm going to head to bed," I said. I think I managed not to let my voice shake. I stood up, pulled my shirt over my head, and walked out the door.
I didn't get any sleep.