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The first time Lloyd truly experienced loss was when he and the ninja found out that he was destined to be the green ninja. His uncle's voice wavered with shock as he announced the news.
His father was standing behind him, the man froze at the green mystical lights that danced around his son. No one really knew what to say, father and son fated to fight for the sake of the world. What could anyone say at that situation?
Later on, Garmadon led his son to his room in the ship. Lloyd didn't really know what to do other than to beg his father to stay. They could probably find another solution right? Lloyd can't possibly fight his own father right?
Garmadon knelt down to his level, offering him a soft look that didn't seem to fit the image of an evil warlord. His words assured him that no matter what, he will still love him, that even though they are in opposite sides, nothing will change about how Garmadon views his son.
Warm watery tears stained the child's face at the declaration. Lloyd remembered jumping on him to give him a massive hug. A hug that Garmadon gladly reciprocated. He knows that they don't have long, but he was at least grateful that his father stayed long enough to wipe the tears away, and tuck him in for the night.
The second time Lloyd experienced loss was when Zane sacrificed himself to defeat the Overlord.
Lloyd felt his father's hands on his shoulders, keeping him steady amidst it all. He stared as the ninjas huddled together in comfort but Lloyd couldn't bring himself to join them.
It was supposed to be his battle, his goal, his purpose was to defeat the Overlord. But no, he was too weak. He didn't deserve the golden power, he couldn't stop Pythor from stealing it, he couldn't even save his friend, how could he still call himself worthy for such power yet alone the title of the 'Green Ninja'.
A sudden pang in his chest made him wince momentarily. Thankfully his father didn't seem to notice it. Lloyd slowly reached to the center of his Gi, clawing it subtly.
He watched as Cole handed the piece of Zane over to P.I.X.A.L. . The brief glimpse of it made Lloyd shudder. The pain in his chest never left but it wasn't hurting as much anymore.
As he watched everyone pick themselves up with tears flowing down their cheek, Lloyd internally swore that he'll never take training for granted. He'll do everything within his power to protect his friends, his family, from anyone who dares to tear them apart ever again.
Lloyd fought for so long to reunite with his father. To free him from the evil in his veins. But despite all that, he still wasn't enough.
His father deserved to be free, deserved to live his life happily with his family. But destiny tore that shred of hope apart alongside Lloyd's will to move on.
How could Lloyd fail so badly? Why didn't he plead harder? Why didn't he stop Chen when he had the chance? Why did Lloyd have to lose him?
A warm presence walked up to Lloyd, followed by the rest. Kai and the others stood by him as they rubbed circles on his back and whispered condolences to the young boy.
Tears started to fall but Lloyd made no notion to stop it, what's the point? His dad wasn't there to wipe it off anyway.
Lloyd felt as if the entire world was on his shoulders. His father's robes a heavy reminder of what he lost and what he's been through.
Exhaustion filled his bones as he continued to stare at the ocean blue. Sounds of merriment echoed throughout the boat as civilians celebrated the ninja's victory over the ghosts. The sounds of the ninjas cheering were the loudest amongst them all.
But Lloyd can't bring himself to join them. Not when he lost everything, not when he just lost his father for what seemed to be the last time.
Lloyd didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
His uncle has trusted him to be a master and he just screwed up. Why did he trust him? Why can't he choose Cole, or Nya, or Zane to lead? Why him?!
He placed the bamboo staff on his uncle's altar and took a few steps back. He distinctly noticed the others' concerned gazes but Lloyd stood strong. His eyes briefly glowing an emerald green as he swore for what felt like the thousandth time that he'll do anything within his power to never lose anyone again.
Lloyd knew this was a bad idea. But can anyone blame him? His father was back, he had to try to bring him back to the light.
But seeing those crimson red eyes staring through him with indifference, shattered something within the boy.
And in his last fleeting moments of consciousness, as he was thrown through the walls and landing roughly on the dessert sand. As he pulled out the photo of him and his father, he can't help but ask,
Why him?
Memories of the destruction of the Destiny's Bounty constantly replayed itself in Lloyd's head. He couldn't save them, he left them to their doom. And worst of all, he was too weak to protect those he had left.
A horrible pain never left his chest. It had been aching since he woke up, but it was like as if someone beated his chest repeatedly like a gong. It was worse now that the other ninja were gone.
Instead of dwelling on it, Lloyd simply went ahead to give Nya, his sister, a hug. He needs to be strong, for her. Anything to distract himself from the void that was facing reality.
He felt her embrace grow tighter and he too returned it. He can't let her down. He can't let any of them down.
Lloyd's hands were weak from the fight but he can't stop now.
He pulled away the debris from the building, his glowing green eyes scanning the area for any sight of platinum white hair.
"HARUMI!"
He doesn't understand why he's so desperate to find her. This girl caused so much pain not only to him but for the rest of Ninjago. But he couldn't bring himself to dwell on it for long. The important thing is that he needs to find her. No matter what.
He must've been there for awhile when Kai suddenly dragged him away. He barely noticed the way his hands were red and bruised from his injuries or how close he was to dropping from exhaustion.
"Lloyd, she's gone. I'm sorry."
Lloyd shook his head, but what was done was done.
Lloyd couldn't save her. He was too late. He failed.
It's the end of the world.
And Lloyd still wasn't strong enough. He couldn't stop Cole from falling. He couldn't relieve his friends from the pain of losing a dear loved one.
He ignored the horrible pain in his chest, having grown accustomed to it by now no matter how painful it is. The ninja clutched the railing tightly, cracks starting to form from underneath his palm.
He hated that the only thing they could do now was to figure out a way to save the world. They couldn't even have a moment to mourn him.
He really hated destiny, the people around him doesn't deserve to suffer. He just wishes there was a way to be free of it all.
Lloyd knew he chose the right decision. But sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he took his Grandfather's hand.
The sea seemed calm today.
A heavy sigh escaped him as he walked towards the monastery doors.
Never looking back.
He ignored the ever growing pain in his chest as he simply just hoped Nya would forgive him for giving up so easily. If she could remember him that is.
A wave of purple energy washed through Lloyd's body. His mind deafening with chaos but focused on one clear goal.
Destroy the Crystal King at any cost.
Taking one last glance at the fallen Oni. His father, who despite all their hardships, still tried to make amends for all the things he did.
He looked back to the hulking mass of the embodiment of evil. Distantly aware of the changes his body has endured. His claws twitched with destructive energy. Golden horns glinting bright despite the dark skies. A newly formed tail whipping threateningly behind him.
The oni let out a monstrous shriek of anger. Memories of the battle was a blur of powerful blasts and hate-filled curses. Before Lloyd could realize what he did and what he become, his enemy was now cowering under his feet.
It's insane what one does when they experience loss.
Lloyd woke up alone on the cold monastery floor. Something's wrong, he's not supposed to be alone.
He opened the gates only to see his world turned upside down in the aftermath of the strange cosmic storm. Buildings on areas that he was sure was not there before. Creatures flying in the sky that was not native at all to Ninjago. The constant ringing in his head as if screaming at him that the balance of everything was lost
Many called it the Merge, a catastrophic event that quite literally merged all the realms into one.
Lloyd spent weeks awaiting for the ninjas return, waiting for his Uncle Wu to explain everything, waiting for his father to show up and somehow having the solution to it, waiting for Kai so the monastery won't be so cold at night, waiting for Nya because he needs help with the training course, waiting for Cole so they can watch their favorite movie together, waiting for Jay so they could finish the latest Starfarer's issue, waiting for Zane because he promised that he'll cook their favorite desserts, waiting for P.I.X.A.L. because she said that she'll let him help with fixing their vehicles.
Day by day his hope dwindled. Until Kai showed up in the Destiny's Bounty. He was unfortunately alone but Lloyd didn't care, if Kai could find his way home then the others must be coming too right?
Then a little something called the Mergequakes happened. It was annoying but at the very least manageable.
Eventually they came to the conclusion that maybe it was for the best that someone goes out there to explore and map out the merged lands as well as to find the other ninja.
Kai was hesitant to leave but Lloyd persisted. Someone needs to stay, and someone needs to go.
The older ninja promised to write about his findings and the younger eagerly waits for each one.
But each time he receives one, it takes longer time than the last. He'd get a letter every few days, then it turned to every few weeks, until it turned to every few months.
Lloyd can't blame Kai of course, it must be difficult to send a letter with the world in such chaotic state.
But that doesn't mean that the nights were easy to get through. He'd try to warm up the place but it would never be as warm as before. He'd try to maintain his training but it was lonely sparring alone. He'd try to rewatch old movies or revisit his comics but it was just sad to see that no one could hear him talk but himself. He thought himself how to cook, but he can never get the muffins right. He learned a bit about fixing the vehicles, but he always get smoke blown up to his face everytime. He'd try searching for answers, but he can't even understand half the ancient scrolls that was left to him. He'd search for old allies, but most have gone missing or was now living too far away for Lloyd to simply visit them.
Lloyd spent the last five years alone. He's gotten used to it, as sad as it may be. But he doesn't see his situation changing anytime soon.
Lloyd was a fool.
Taking in children even though he himself has not experienced something like this before. But he can't deny that things seemed to be looking up.
His family is slowly piecing itself back together again. The hope that almost entirely faded was replenished once more when Arin, Sora and Riyu came to his life.
He can't promise that he'll be a good teacher, but he swears that he'll fight ten times as hard for the people he cares about the most.
He can't lose anyone again. He doesn't want to be alone again.
"KAI! NO!!"
A horrible pain ripped through Lloyd's chest as he did nothing but watch as Kai getting swallowed into the Nether realm portal.
Tears sprung out of his eyes as grief overtook the ninja. He could hear Ras cackling evilly at the distance and began his classic villain monologue.
Lloyd gasped as he clutched his chest tight. Something that always happens when he lost any of the ninja. Something that runs deeper than their bond. It was as if his core was suddenly losing an engine and was trying desperately to repair it. A pain that he thought was nothing more than a figment of the past before the merge was now back in full throttle.
He was snapped out of it when he saw Nya and his students battling the villains themselves. He can't let any of them get hurt. Not on his watch.
He grabbed his Dao and jumped into the battle. Wielding his rage in a way that Kai would be proud of.
No one is leaving here without facing the Green Ninja's wrath.
"ARIN WAIT!"
Lloyd was quick to grab Sora from being buried alive from those rocks. He saved her, but at the cost of losing Arin.
He doesn't get it, why? Why would Arin do this? Did he do something wrong? Was Lloyd never enough? He's very aware that he wasn't the best teacher but surely there has to be some explanation right?
His student couldn't just leave Sora, his best friend like that. That was unlike Arin.
Lloyd did his best to comfort Sora, promising her that they'll find Arin. Assuring her that she'll never be alone.
He hopes that she trusts him.
Hopes that she'll never leave him.
He hopes that she'll stay determined to her goals.
He's so proud of his students. He just hoped wherever Arin is, that he's okay. And maybe he could find his way back to them again.
Once again he found himself in death's foreboding claws. Lloyd tried to move away but Thunderfang's grip on him was too strong. Corrupted dragon energy coating every inch of his being.
He felt something plunge deep within his chest, yanking into his very core. Lloyd never felt such unimaginable pain. This was way worse than anything he had felt before.
He could hear the frightened screams from the others. He wants to tell them to stay back as impossible as it is.
He feels the Oni and the dragon within him roar out in desperation, trying desperately to claw their way out of such pain. But it was no use.
Lloyd was gone before he even hit the ground.
Lloyd stood still, silent as the wind. He watched as Sora and Arin walked away following Ras to the unknown.
He wants to do something, scream or run to them, beg them to stay. But he can't find the strength to do such a thing.
He felt his heart shatter with each step they took. He hears Kai asking him if he's just gonna let them go.
Truthfully he wouldn't really, but that was the selfish choice.
"They're free to make their own decisions That's the difference between Ras and us." Lloyd replied.
"Aren't you worried about them?" Frak asked.
"Of course I am. I never said I wasn't."
Memories of dangerous prophecies and battles that decided the fate of the world instantly came to mind. And judging by his friend's faces, they too knew what he was thinking about.
He felt Riyu nudging him against his cheek, bringing him out of those thoughts. He noticed the way the dragonet's eyes were wide with confusion. Making Lloyd reach out to hug the poor creature.
He could hear Riyu rumble by his ear, 'Why would they leave with him? Don't they know what he's done? What he did to my tribe?'
Lloyd froze at what Riyu said. He could hear Wyldfyre audibly gasp at the background but Lloyd paid her no mind. Instead, he nuzzled the young dragon, briefly slipping into his supernatural instincts, before surprising himself by responding in his own draconic tongue. 'I'm so sorry Riyu. I wish I knew how to answer that question.'
Riyu stared at him with wide eyes before melting to the green ninja's embrace. Lloyd stood strong, willing to stick with the dragon for as long as he needs.
Someone needs to be there for him with his own friends gone.