Work Text:
A colder winter
Chuuya strolled over to his boyfriend Dazai’s apartment. He took the elevator up, and unlocked Dazai’s apartment door, room 2105. Chuuya’s face paled as he took in the disgusting state.
There were dishes scattered everywhere, trash all over the floor. Sure, Dazai wasn’t a clean person, but this was much worse than usual. Chuuya scanned his eyes for Dazai, and walked more inside, shutting the door behind him.
Dazai was fast asleep on the couch, trash and other junk scattered around him. He looked like he hadn’t showered in days.
Chuuya approached him, gently shaking him and saying his name, “Dazai, Dazai,”
Dazai groaned and woke up, snapping at Chuuya, “What the hell do you want chibi? Why are you even here?”
Chuuya blinked, “Don’t you remember that I was going to come over this weekend? Why is your apartment so messy?”
Dazai squinted, “..What the hell are you talking about? You never said anything,”
Chuuya was ticked off, but also slightly concerned, he wasn’t sure whether Dazai was messing with him or not. “Mackerel stop messing with me,”
“I’m not messing with you! You never said anything about coming over!” Dazai was clearly frustrated, his nonchalant demeanor gone, which never happened.
Chuuya pulled out his phone, his wallpaper was him and Dazai. He showed Dazai their texts, Dazai was raving about how excited he was for Chuuya to come over.
“…What…?” Dazai looked genuinely confused and shocked.
“And why is your apartment so messy?” Chuuya added.
“I…I just forgot to clean it…I guess..” Dazai mumbled.
Dazai looked at Chuuya suspiciously, “Are you here to surprise attack me?”
Chuuya looked at Dazai. “What the hell?”
Dazai’s eyes were narrowed with suspicion.
Chuuya looked at Dazai, concerned. “Babe…now that I think about it, you’ve been forgetting things a lot more often…you have been sometimes eating too much…or just not eating at all…”
Later that night, while Chuuya was brushing his teeth and getting ready for bed, he noticed Dazai just watching him. Chuuya spat his toothpaste into the sink.
Dazai gave him an odd look, “It’s the afternoon…but why is it so dark? And why are you brushing your teeth and wearing pajamas?”
Chuuya blinked, “What? Dazai you’re messing with me right? It’s 9:00 p.m.,”
“Huh…? Already…I..I don’t even remember the last time I ate…was it yesterday…or?”
Chuuya put away his toothbrush concern etched on his face, he took a step closer to him. “Dazai, what do you mean you don’t remember?” Chuuya knew that Dazai had a habit of forgetting to eat, and would often skip meals, but this was a new level. Dazai was never this forgetful.
Chuuya rested the back of his hand on Dazai’s forhead, checking his temperature, he was on the warmer side.
Chuuya immediately set him down, and Dazai erupted with coughs. He was drenched with cold sweat, and his breathing was fast and shallow.
“DAZAI! DAZAI!” Chuuya screamed, he propped Dazai up on a pillow and lifted his chin up, pouring water into his mouth. Dazai had a look on his face, like he hadn’t drank water in a while.
Dazai’s breathing normalized for a second, then he started coughing again, breaking out in cold sweat, his breathing becoming labored.
Chuuya immediately whipped out his phone, calling the ambulance, his voice was panicked as he spoke, “Please…my boyfriend is…I don’t know he’s coughing so badly he has memory loss…please just save him…come to…come to Yokohama Apartments, 13th floor, room 2105.”
Chuuya pressed an ice pack to Dazai’s head, and slowly gave him warm water, most of it dribbled down Dazai’s chin.
“..chibi..” Dazai mumbled “I’m tired…I don’t feel too good…”
Chuuya encircled Dazai in his arms, as just then, he heard the sound of the ambulance sirens outside. 2 minutes later there was loud knocking on the door.
Chuuya scooped Dazai up, bridal style, and carried him towards the door, slipping his hand under Dazai and unlocking it.
The paramedics rushed inside, taking Dazai from Chuuya, and onto the hospital bed, speeding towards the elevator, with Chuuya in pursuit.
The entire ambulance ride, Chuuya’s fingers were linked through Dazai’s, not letting go, afraid, that if he did, Dazai would slip through his fingers…
Once they arrived at the hospital, the paramedics refused to let Chuuya inside, ignoring his protests.
About half an hour later, a nurse quietly pulled Chuuya aside, her face solemn, and her voice hushed. “I’m sorry…Dazai-san..has Alzheimer’s…we’ll try to treat him…but we’re not sure how much time he has left. On top of that, he also god pneumonia an-“
“Shut up,” Chuuya’s voice was barely audiable, his fists were clenched, his knuckles white, and his eyes were fixed on the ground.
“It’s not fair you can’t take him away from me I love him your being cruel no…no…no…no…” Chuuya sounded like a child, who’s toy had just got taken away.
“I’m sorry Nakahara-san-“
“SHUT UP!” Chuuya was roared. “YOU NEVER KNEW HIM LIKE I DID, YOU’RE NOT ACTUALLY SORRY. YOUR FUCKING NOT! HSHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!”
~-~
Over the next weeks, Dazai would have regular hospital visits for his treatment. But this barely did anything, his dementia and pneumonia increased, as his Alzhemier’s disease did. He started forgetting more important things, such as dinner dates with Chuuya, cases for the Armed Detective Agency, and so on. He also forgot to eat meals, and worst of all drink water. Chuuya was at Dazai’s apartment pretty much all the time now, taking care of him like a mother would for a sick child.
Dazai would often wake up in the middle of the night, with horrible coughing fits, and would be covered in sweat, even though it was winter.
The one thing that cheered Dazai up was winter, his favorite season. Unlike Chuuya, who despised winter, Dazai loved it. He loved the cold, drinking hot chocolate by a fire, cuddling with Chuuya, and best of all, the snow.
Months passed, and slowly, Dazai started to forget people too. His Alzhemier’s had gotten so bad, that he wasn’t able to attend work anymore. Chuuya was also taking a temporary break from being an executive, as he needed to take care of Dazai.
One day, Atsushi came by, to visit Dazai and check on how he’s doing.
“Hey Dazai-san…I bought you some chocolates, and flowers…I hope you get better…” Atsushi said holding them out gently in front of Dazai who was laying in bed, his face etched with exhaustion.
“..who are you?” Dazai managed, then he burst out into his now usual coughing fit.
~-~
Atsushi’s face fell, “What…? You don’t…you don’t…remember me? What about Kunikida? Yosano? Ranpo? Tanizaki? Any of the ADA members?”
Dazai thought for a moment, and then spoke, “I think…I remember Kunikida…and Ranpo…but not…Tanizaki, and Yosano…”
Atsushi looked hurt, “Can you at least try to remember? Please?”
Dazai’s face strained in concentration, but it was to much for him, his eyes started watering. “I can hear someone talking in my ear…I don’t…ugh…no…”
Chuuya came rushing in, and shooed Atsushi out, sitting next to Dazai, and speaking in a soothing tone.
~-~
Chuuya returned home, with groceries to make dinner, when he spotted Dazai, passed out on the couch, fast alseep. His breathing was labored, and there was cold sweat above his upper lip.
That night, Chuuya held Dazai’s hand tight, afraid to let go. And he didn’t want to sleep, he just wanted to spend as much time as possible with Dazai. Eventually, his eyes slowly started fluttering shut and he eventually fell asleep.
~-~
Chuuya woke up early, and squeezed Dazai’s hand, expecting a squeeze back, but Dazai’s hand was limp in his.
Chuuya shot up out of the bed, and checked Dazai’s pulse-there was nothing. This wasn’t possible, Dazai couldn’t be dead…Chuuya felt like he was falling through an endless void he just kept falling…
falling
falling
falling
falling
falling
~-~
Chuuya refused to attend Dazai’s funeral. He couldn’t bear to. Instead he locked himself up in Dazai’s apartment, and drank until he passed out.
It wasn’t fair, Dazai was the only person that cared for Chuuya, and now he was dead. Chuuya continued working as a mafioso, but he had lost that small spark in his eye, that was caused by his late lover Dazai.
~-~
Soon, it was winter, Dazai’s favorite season. Chuuya stepped outside, into the crisp winter air, and picked up a couple of wilting wildflowers out of the snow. He trudged down the street, clutching the flowers, hands shoved in his pockets.
Soon, he arrived at Dazai’s grave, and placed the flowers in front of them. All he could think about, is how much Dazai would be enjoying the snow right now.
Chuuya sat there, leaning against Dazai’s grave. Nothing more. Just sat there, yearning for Dazai’s presence, and the comfort that he provided.
“This winter…is going to be colder,” Chuuya mumbled.