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In this world, no one is born without a flower of the heart. A mark represents the flower on every person’s body.
The flower represents your true self. When you’re a baby, it’s only a bud, but as you age and find your true self, it will bloom into a beautiful flower.
While the flower is not directly related to love or a soulmate, when your feelings of love are reciprocated, your mark will switch with the other person’s. That’s when you know it’s true love.
Breno POV
I will be honest; I was a hopeless romantic who believed in destiny, soulmates and all of the cute love stuff, until I saw what it truly was. I know I shouldn’t base all of my future relationships on the horrible one, but to me, love will never be the same.
The truth is: I hate my mark. I wish I could rip it out of my skin, scratch my neck until it's bleeding. I just want it gone.
Monday, 9th January
Oxford Basic and Secondary School
“ARE YOU SERIOUSLY DOING ANOTHER PARTY?!! YOU JUST DID ONE YESTERDAY!”
“I knowwwww!! But they organised a surprise party for me!! How could I refuseee?!!!”
“You're delusional.”
“Come on, Breno!! It's gonna be fun!”
“Sorry! I don't feel like missing classes. Even then, I don't know anyone in your class; it'll be awkward.”
“It won't be, and don't worry about the classes. The principal's son is here. He's from your class, right? He said that he would explain to the teachers in his class why they skipped classes. After all, he needs to use his father's role to his advantage.”
“Sounds like a spoiled brat.”
“He isn't, I swear! He's my friend, please come, he's very nice and you need some friends, you know.”
“Ugh. Fine!!”
“Yeyyy!! See you later!”
“See ya.”
What have I gotten myself into now?
Excuse me? Why are the people here so pretty? Wait, don’t stare at me! Stop it! Where’s Stacy?!
She was sitting on top of one of the desks in the back, next to the window, talking to some guy.
He’s probably one of her friends.
I quickly ran to her. “Stacy!! Why are there so many hot people here?!”
“Oh, really? I guess it's because they're my classmates; I'm so used to seeing their faces that I didn't notice. I could get you a boyfriend if you want to; after all, you're quite handsome.”
“No thanks.”
“Is this the friend you mentioned?” I turned around to see who spoke.
“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!” I hid behind Stacy like a little child.
“Oh yeah! Sorry, Breno, I forgot to tell you about my friend, Cameron, Cam for short, he means no harm!”
God damn it, Stacy! You're lucky it's your birthday. Where the hell did you find a man this big?!
He sits on the desk Stacy was in before. “Well, that's what happens when you don't tell your friend about your other friend, and your other and your other and your other-”
“Okay, you can stop now.”
He feels familiar, but I don’t know why.
“Hey Cam, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, what is it?”
“What's your last-”
“OMG, I COMPLETELY FORGOT! I'M SO SORRY BRENO!”
*God damn it Stacy!*
“I forgot to tell you about the principal's son!”
I also forgot about him, but he's probably not gonna be that interesting of a person.
“Look at that person over there!”
She pointed at a boy with fluffy black hair and desaturated red eyes. “Looks a lot different than I expected.”
“I know, right?! So what do you think?”
“I could give it a try.”
“Yeyyy!! Now go get yourself a friend.” She pushed me and winked. “Good luck!”
I rolled my eyes at her and went to talk with the boy.
How famous is this kid? Why am I getting stared at so many times today?!
“Uhh... Hi?”
“Hello...”
He looks kinda awkward; maybe I was wrong after all.
“Are you Stacy's friend?”
All of a sudden, got talkative.
“Yeah, I'm her best friend.”
“I see.”
How did it get more awkward when he was the one who talked?
“Can I sit here?” I said, trying to break the awkward silence between us.
“Yeah, I guess…”
Why did the staring get worse now? Are people not self-aware? If it were me, I would be embarrassed for my whole life!
“So...You're the principal's son, right?”
Please stop looking at me. I'm just trying to make a friend!
“Yeah… I am…” He looked away from me with a sad expression in his eyes.
Did I do something wrong? OH. MY. GOD. THAT'S THE WORST THING YOU COULD'VE POSSIBLY SAID IDIOT!! He probably thinks I just want to use him now! I gotta make him believe the contrary somehow.
“I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU!! I don't want to use you or hurt you, I genuinely hate those types of things.” He looked back at me with the same coldness in his eyes and nodded for me to keep going. “I only wanted to make a friend, and Stacy talked a lot about you. Even so, my choice of words was quite poor.”
“It's okay, I'm sorry too. I'm a little defensive about people calling me that. Even though I use it to my advantage sometimes... I don't want it to interfere with my relationships.”
Oh, I was very wron g . As the old saying goes: ‘Never judge a book by its cover.'
“It's okay! I completely understand! We had a rough start; let's start over! What's your name?”
“Benjamin, Benjamin Mayfield, please call me Ben, my name is too long.”
“Breno Ataegina, I agree with you. Your name is very long. I'll just call you Ben!”
“Great.” He smiles a little.
*That was cute. Wait. WHAT AM I SAYING?!*
“So... How's life?”
That's the stupidest question I could've asked, life is always shit, and there's never a slight change.
“Just like another teenager's, normal, boring.” If I had a drink, I would’ve choked on it. The words were perfectly calculated.
“Are you okay?!” He put his hand on my shoulder.
“Yeah, I'm fine! Totally fine!” And it was true. I am in a great mood now. Even if he didn't do it on purpose, he still made me laugh a lot. “So... uhh, friends?” I offered my hand to him.
His gaze went to my hand, yet he still had the same cold look. It's hard to tell what he's thinking. Does he think I'm weird?
“Yeah, friends.” He shook my hand. Oh my fucking god, he smiles so little, and yet every time it's so freaking cute!
FUCK!! MY THOUGHTS ARE BETRAYING ME!!
“So, what do you wanna do?”
“Well, we are at a party. So, let's enjoy the free food!” He was still holding my hand, so I took the opportunity and led him forcefully to the table.
“Uhh, Okay?”
The table had tons of food: a simple chocolate cake, chips, marshmallows, and lots of gummies.
“I guess they will only take out the cake at the end of the party.”
“Yeah.” He responded as he was cutting a slice of cake.
Mann, didn't even slice one for me!
“I also cut a slice for you if you want some.”
It's like he can read my mind?!
“Oh! Uhh... Thanks. I guess. So…”
“Hmm?”
“How famous are you?!” He burst into laughter.
“What are you saying?” He questioned, still choking on his laughter.
“Like. There were a lot of people looking at me, it was kinda uncomfortable.”
He just stared at me, probably thinking of something to say. He probably had to deal with this situation more than a few times. He stabbed the cake with the fork.
“It's better if you just ignore it. I know it's difficult, but” He looked behind, and I followed right after. “If you keep staring at your problems, one day they will stare back at you.”
As he said that, everyone started staring at me. If it were any other person, they probably wouldn't be seeing things l ike a crazy person would.
I instantly moved my head away. I don't want to think about these things when I'm trying to have a normal conversation with a new friend.
“Are you okay?”
“Oh! Yes, I'm fine.”
“Then. What was I talking about?”
“Uhh…” He chuckled. “I'm sorry. I spaced out.”
“It's fine, don't worry.” Even when he's nice and gentle, his eyes are still empty. You can't read through him.
“Moving on to what I was saying, what is your relationship with Stacy like?”
My relationship with her?
“We have been best friends for three years. Now that she's in 10th grade, our schedules don't match, but we make up for it now and then on the weekends.”
“I see.” I felt like he wasn't focusing at all on what I said. He's still stabbing the cake with the damn fork!
Leave the cake alone!
“And before you say anything. Yes, I was listening to what you said. It's hard to maintain friendships like those.”
It's like he can read my mind!
“But you guys are also friends, right?”
“Yes, we are friends, but we aren't close.”
“Oh, yeah! I understand!” But the way Stacy spoke made it sound like they were close friends. Guess I'm just too naive.
“I feel like we should change the topic. So, you're in my class, right?”
“Oh! Y-Yeah!” I keep spacing out; I have to stop doing that. Focus Breno! Be normal.
“I thought about it since I recognised your face from somewhere. Where do you sit?”
“I sit in the middle, the tables closer to the window, second line.”
“You sit next to me. I'm on the desk right next to you.”
“Oh! I never noticed it before.”
“Well, now you know.”
We spent the rest of the time talking. He's a fascinating person, a good talker and listener! It was fun talking to him.
Then it was time to sing Happy Birthday. The cake was adorable and simple yet very pretty. It had a bunny on top with the number '16' Stacy's classmates probably tricked her into telling them her perfect cake just for this occasion.
We sang Happy Birthday and did all the usual boring party stuff. Then, it was time to cut the cake, and my mouth watered. It was a vanilla cake with strawberry gem inside—the perfect combo!
I sat next to Ben, and we both started eating. Every single bite was perfect.
“Enjoying the cake?”
“Yes! It's my favourite flavour and the perfect combo, I could survive off of this for a whole week if I needed to!”
He chuckled at my words, but I didn't mind.
The party had already ended. It was a lot of fun, but like all good things in life, this one must also end.
“Hey, Breno. I gotta go.”
“Wait, I'll go with you to the gate, I just need to do something!”
“Alright, I'll be waiting at the door.”
“Kay!”
I looked around and saw Stacy. I rushed over to her.
“Hey! So, how was it? Did you like him?”
“Yeah, he was much different from what I expected, but I had a good time.”
“That's great! I knew you would like him!”
“Yeah, thank you.”
“No worries! Your bestie is always here for you!”
“Of course, I gotta go now. See you!”
“Bye-bye!”
I love Stacy, she's the best friend I could've asked for.
“Are you ready?”
“Born ready.”
The walk to the exit was a silent yet comfortable one.
I haven't felt a comfortable silence like this in ages!
“We're here.”
Did time pass by that fast?!
“Well, see you tomorrow then.”
“See ya!”
This day was fantastic, and I even made a friend! It's the perfect day of the week!
Saturday, 14th January
Breno's Room
11:40 AM
“Ugh... Fuck this why did I even set up an alarm....” I lazily smacked the alarm.
As my senses started coming back after my beauty sleep, I realised…
“FUCK! FUCK! STACY'S GONNA KILL ME! I can already sense her aura!” When I think too hard about it, I can already feel the coldness and scariness in her voice.
Nope! Nope! If I keep imagining it, I'm gonna have nightmares!!
I ran to the kitchen, hoping to find a familiar face and a familiar voice, saying the same words over and over again.
“Did you oversleep again, Breno?”
But there was nothing. Silence. Not even the birds were chirping outside.
“Why?”
I looked around the house, but there was nothing, not even a letter.
*Didn't even bother to waste paper on me. Whatever.*
I sip my coffee while thinking about what Stacy has planned for us today.
“Uhhh... I don't know what to wear....” I remarked, looking at the closet full of white, green, and black clothes as if I had a choice.
*I seriously have the worst choice of clothing.*
I pick a pair of black and green clothes and start getting ready.
O'Sullivan household
12:40 PM
When I rang the doorbell, I knew I didn't need to wait much longer, so I started observing the front of the house to pass the time. The outside was immaculate, and the plants looked like they had been carefully cared for. Stacy's father always has plants inside and outside the house. This is an excellent habit that adds to the decor.
And my prophecy was true. Soon enough, the door opened, and I was met by a man in his late 30s or early 40s. He was pale, just like Stacy, with blonde hair, pale blue eyes, and barely noticeable eye bags under his eyes.
“Hello, Breno. Come on in.” He said, moving to the side to give me room to enter.
“Thanks, Mr. O'Sullivan.”
“It's Patrick for you, kid.”
“Okay, Mr. Patrick.”
“Make yourself at home! You don't need to remove your shoes; it's cold out there.”
“Okay, thanks!”
*I was gonna do that right now."
As I approached the kitchen, I was met with the delicious smell of carefully seasoned chicken and spaghetti. It was so good!
“Stacy's probably still in her room getting ready. You can go there if you want; just remember to knock first."
“Will do!”
I walked towards a big corridor with three rooms: a guest room, Stacy's Room, and her Father's Room. Stacy's Room was the one in the middle.
Stacy's Room
“Stacy! Can I come in?”
“Just wait a minute!”
If anyone knew Stacy better than I did, they would know that ‘one minute’ in her mind was ‘half an hour’. But to my surprise, the door opened quicker than I expected.
“Come on in! Sorry for the wait.”
I entered a room with white-painted walls and, of course, bunny paintings. With Stacy, it always had to be bunnies.
“So. How do I look~?”
“You look good.” She let out a frustrated sigh.
“Ugh, why do you always have to be so coooold? Have some emotion to it!”
“No thanks.”
She moved over to her desk and grabbed a piece of paper.
“Here's the drawing I promised you, all finished~.” She handed it over.
“Seriously?! Me as a cat?!”
“It's cute! I imagine you being fluffy and grumpy if you were a cat. Hehe~.”
I rolled my eyes at her. But I still can't thank her enough; it's a beautiful drawing, even if it's not in her area of expertise.
“How are you?”
“Sleepy.” And it was true, I barely got a wink of sleep last night.
“Typical Breno! You're not a morning person!”
“And you?” I asked, ignoring the comment.
“Full of energy and ready to spend all afternoon with ya! My dad is probably waiting for us in the kitchen, so let's get going!”
Before I had time to react, she had already grabbed my hand and was dragging me out of her bedroom and into the kitchen.
“Stacy! Be careful, I'm gonna fall!”
Kitchen 1:05 PM
“Dad! We're here!” I tried not to fall and catch my breath when she let go.
“Hey, honey, the food is almost done. Could you please go and set the table? Your old man forgot to do it.”
“Right away, Dad!”
“I'll help too.”
We went to the dining table. It was a round table that could fit four people, but usually only two people ate on it.
“Put the plates on the table. I will set up the rest.” Even though I'm the guest, I'm setting up the table. I don't mind it, though. I have been to Stacy's house too many times for me to count. It's like I'm part of the family.
I picked the plates from one of the top closets and set them up. Stacy set up the cups and napkins.
“We did a great job!” She said enthusiastically. “You did a good job; I hope you don't mind it too much. You're basically a part of the family.”
Recognizement.
It was something Breno Ataegina loved when people recognised his hard work. When he accomplished something worth seeing. He wanted to be known for himself and not for the name that was passed down to him by his father.
“I don't mind it.”
“Kids! Please sit down!” Stacy's father yelled from the kitchen.
“Well, that's our cue.”
We sat down as Mr. Patrick put the food on the table.
“Enjoy!”
*It looks so good!*
All of us started serving the plates, and the smell of the food was driving me insane.
“Cheers!” Stacy announced, and we started eating.
“So, Breno, how have things been at home?” He said. Nothing out of the ordinary happens; the silence will always be the same, and Dad will always be Dad.
“It's been normal; nothing interesting happens.”
“Really? Your Father is always busy. Do you miss him?”
“No, Mr, I'm fine, I'm used to it.”
“You're so educated! You're always welcome here if you feel lonely.” I smiled softly at him.
“I know ri-”
“Wish I could say the same for my daughter.” I almost spat out my food. Stacy's father gave her a side-eye.
“Dad! That's not funny!” Stacy was as red as a tomato now. We laughed.
“Excuse me.”
“Breno! Don't you want to eat more?” Stacy yelled as I was already heading towards the bathroom.
“I'm full! Don't worry!” I yelled back.
I entered the bathroom and went to look at myself in the mirror. My bangs were hanging just a bit over my eyes, and my hair was messy af from when Stacy dragged me violently to the kitchen.
I quickly fixed my hair as best as I could and washed my hands. As I was leaving the bathroom, I bumped into Stacy, head to head, face to face.
“Ow…” I said, rubbing my forehead. “What the hell?!”
“Sowwy...” She said with her pleading face and voice while rubbing her forehead as well.
“What did you even come here for?!”
“I just came to check on you!”
“What do you think I am?! A little child who needs care.” I said in a mocking voice.
“Come on! I was just worried about you!”
“You need to stop worrying so much! I can take care of myself.” I said as I started to walk away.
“Bu-” She turned around.
“Your dad is probably waiting for us at the Dining Room for dessert. Let's get going.” I said, not giving her a choice.
“Okay…” I could hear the disappointment in her voice, but she needed to stop worrying so much.
Dining Room 2:10 PM
When I reached the Dining Room, I saw chocolate mousse. Stacy and her father probably spent a whole afternoon making it.
“How does it look?”
“Perfect!”
“It looks great, Dad!”
“Come on, enjoy yourselves.”
And oh, did we enjoy it. When we sat down, Stacy served herself a spoonful of the mousse.
“Hey!” She looked at me with a smirk. “That's supposed to be for three!”
“And it will be enough for three!” She started laughing.
I'm gonna punch your stupid face.
“Do you want to serve yourself, Breno?”
“No, you can serve yourself first, Mr. Patrick.”
“Okay, dear.” He quickly served himself and gave me the spoon.
“Thanks.” I served myself and gave it a quick taste. “Oh my gosh!”
“Looks like someone liked it.” I turned as red as a tomato.
“It's okay, Breno. Thank you for the compliment.”
“No problem. You are very nice, Mister.”
“Thank you as we-”
“Wish I could say the same for your daughter.” She instantly turned red, and her dad started laughing.
“Why are you two making fun of me together?!” We started laughing again, leaving Stacy even more embarrassed.
Stacy's Room 2:40 PM
“Are you ready yet? I've been waiting for ages.”
“I'm almost done. Just wait a bit!” She was putting some eyeliner on. “All done!”
“Finally!” I said, waving my hands in the air in a dramatic way. “You girls take so much time to get ready.”
“Shut up! You take at least one hour to get ready!”
“,No I don't!”
“Keep believing until it becomes true.” I stuck my tongue out at her. She just rolled her eyes at me.
“Let's just go.”
“On my way!”
“Thanks for the lunch.”
“There's no need to thank me; you being here is already a gift.” I gave him a thankful smile. “And you take care of yourself. I don't want to see you hurt when you get home. Do I make myself clear?”
“I will, Dad, don't worry.”
“Breno, please take care of her.”
“Will do, sir.”
“Dad! He's younger than me!”
“But he can still take care of you.”
“Ugh. Fine! We will be going then. See you later, Dad!”
“Take care!”
We exited the house.
“Wanna race to the bus stop?”
“You don't have to tell me twice.” As I responded, she shoved me to the side and started running. “Hey, that's not fair!”
I continued to run after her, I still couldn't see the bus stop, which was good since I knew that we were at least far away from it.
I sped up and shoved her to the side. Her shocked expression was priceless, and I could see the bus stop.
Behind me was an exhausted Stacy. I stuck my tongue out at her, and she laughed at me.
This bitch.
I finally reached the bus stop, and Stacy was there shortly after. We were both breathing heavily.
“Fine! You win. I'll buy you a drink at the mall.” She said in between breaths.
“Thank you~!” I said, using my confident voice, to which she laughed.
We sat down, waiting for the bus. Observing my surroundings, I realised Stacy's neighbourhood is livelier than expected. People are always around: people watering the plants, teens talking, and old women gossiping about other people's lives because they don't have anything better to do. I wish my neighbourhood were like this—except for the old women gossiping.
“Look! The bus is coming!” Stacy snapped me out of my trance.
“Finally!! It's been ages!”
“It hasn't been that long.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Let's go!”
“Stacy, can I use your AirPods?”
“Ugh... Fine!”
“Thanks.”
I put on my playlist, and 'Friends’ by Chase Atlantic began to play. I looked out the window and saw the bus stop getting farther away. I leaned against my seat and closed my eyes, trying to sleep. For some reason, I can always sleep in every single situation, even in loud classrooms! It sometimes scares people because they think I'm dead. I eventually fell asleep after a while.
“Hey, Breno! Wake up!”
“Let me sleep…”
“Breno! Wake the hell up!”
I suddenly felt a hard slap on my face, waking me up immediately. “Ow! What the hell was that for?!” I asked with immense pain in my cheek.
“You wouldn't wake up!”
“You don't have to slap me, tho!” I said, almost yelling.
“Shut up, sleepy head.” She said, mocking me.
*There will be payback, just you wait.*
We exited the bus.
“One more walk and we're there!” I was already tired enough, and now I had to do another walk! Fuck me.
Mall 3:10 PM
When we entered the mall, it still had New Year's lights, even though two weeks had passed.
“And we're here!” She chirped. “Alright! What should we start with?” She opened her arms as if showing off all the different stores.
“Finally…”
“Come on, get a little excited! We're gonna have loads of fun together!” Her excitement was exhausting, she was almost glowing!
Hey, sun! Chill out a bit! You're burning my vision!
“Alright, let's get it started!” She grabbed my hand and brutally dragged me with her!
“HEY, DON'T DRAG ME!”
“There are loads of good options to choose from”
"Then let's go to a boba café." I said, pointing to the nearest café.
“You really want me to buy you a drink, huh?”
“Of course! A free drink is a free drink after all.”
“Fine then.”
We entered the café. It was beautiful, it had lots of green lights that made the place look heavenly.
“I will go with the regular boba and some macarons. And you?”
“I'll go with the matcha boba and a croissant.”
“Always the expensive stuff.” She rolled her eyes. “I don't know why you like matcha so much, you don't even like green tea.”
“Whaaaaaat?!! It doesn't even taste like green tea?!”
“Well, if you say so.”
“Let's sit down and wait for the waiter before I punch you!” I talked quite loudly, annoyed by her words.
The waiter arrived and we ordered the food.
“Your food will be here in a minute.”
“Thanks.” She fidgets with her rings and then starts talking. “So…”
“Hmm?” I hum while playing with the strings of my hoodie, curious about what she's about to say.
“How is your friendship with Ben going?”
I sighed loudly. “I don't even wanna talk about it.”
“Why?! Is it bad?”
“Not necessarily.”
The waiter brought us the food.
“I hope you enjoy your food.”
“Thank you.”
“Tell me, I wanna know!!”
“You're not gonna tell Cam!”
“Of course not! This is only between you and me! Just tell me.”
I sighed. “Alright. It's not going bad, it's just... It feels like he always knows what I'm thinking…”
“Well, that's creepy.”
“Yeah, like I don't know.”
“Tell me more!"
“What the hell?!”
“Come on, Bri!”
“Fine!”
10th January, Tuesday
Oxford Basic and Secondary School
Good lord, what did I do to deserve this treatment from you?! First, my alarm didn't go off, I missed the bus and had nothing to eat before leaving the house! Can this day get any worse?!
I ran through the halls, trying my best not to bump into anyone, hoping no one from the student council saw me!
I can finally see the door! Thank God! At least today is English, and that teacher is awesome!
“Sorry, Miss, I'm late. My alarm didn't go off!”
“Alright, Breno, I'll let it slide for now, but you're ten minutes late. This better not happen again.”
“Don't worry, miss, I know!”
I look around the room and see Ben patting the chair next to him.
*Oh God, he's telling me to sit next to him. I'm going to get a few beatings today.*
I hesitantly go up to him and sit on the chair.
Great, people are looking at me. Guess I made myself a few enemies.
I picked up my pen to start writing today's lesson, but the teacher had erased the board! “Seriously... Uhh… Ben, can I copy the lesson from you?”
“Of course, here.”
“Thanks.”
*Seriously, I genuinely never know what he's thinking.*
“Well, looks like someone's having a bad day.”
“Ugh... Is it that obvious?”
“Yup.” He started spinning his pen. "Do you wanna talk about it?”
“I guess it wouldn't hurt.” I place my chin on top of my hand. “My alarm didn't go off, so I missed my bus, was late, and didn't have anything to eat, so I'm hungry! So it's not going great!”
“Ouch. We don't have the next class, so if you want, we can buy something at that bakery.”
“Really?! You d-don't mind?”
“Of course not. It's not like I have anything to do.”
“Thanks, then.”
*Guess I won't have to be hungry forever.*
Honestly, I don't know why he's helping me so much. I've only known him for one day, and he's already doing all of these things for me.
“Let's go.”
*Huh? He already packed his things?!*
“Oh! Of course!”
As we were walking to the gate, I was trying to find my wallet, but couldn't find it.
*Fuck. Don't tell me...*
“Uh... Ben, I have some bad news. I forgot my wallet at home, and it had my school card in it…”
“Oh, don't worry. I'll just tell the person at the gate.”
“Alright, fine then.”
*I don't wanna get him in trouble, though.*
Walking to the exit was the most anxious I had ever felt in my time with Ben. He doesn't have to do all this for me, even if he wants to be my friend. I don’t even have money to buy the food!
“Uhh… Ben.” I knew he heard me ‘cause he stopped in his tracks almost immediately. He turned to face me and hummed a little, a sign for me to continue.
“I don’t have money to buy food, it was all in my wallet.”
“Don’t worry, I can just buy it for-”
“ Ben. ” I said more assertively this time. He visibly tensed up at the tone, my heart twinged a little in my chest.
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. My stomach was aching, but I knew I had to tell him, so I held his hand. He relaxed a little under my hold, so I took the opportunity." Ben, you don’t need to buy it for me if you don’t want to. I will still be your friend no matter what.”
I finished talking while looking down. My breath was a bit heavy, and I felt his hold on my hand tighten. I looked up at him. Many emotions flashed on his face, including distrust and worry, until his features relaxed.
“And I thought I could read your mind. You read mine like it was nothing!” He laughed. “Thank you…”
I smiled at his words. It was genuine, and I knew it.
“But I’m still going to buy food for you, and before you say anything, I’m going to buy it because I don’t want to see you hungry.” He was too kind.
“I’m only agreeing if you buy food for yourself, too.”
“Alright.”
It felt good to be heard, but it felt even better that he trusted me. When I noticed we were still holding hands, I immediately let go.
“Sorry!” I immediately saw hurt flash in his eyes before returning to the usual serene demeanour.
“Don’t worry, it’s fine.”
“I can’t believe you got that grumpy old man to let me pass through!”
“What can I say? I have my ways, " he said, looking at me unbothered.
I thought my luck couldn’t get worse, but when we reached the exit, THE GRUMPY OLD MAN WHO GUARDS THE GATE WAS THERE!!! He’s the worst custodian in the school because he has no mercy! He will scold you to the ends of the Earth and do it in front of everyone if you forget your card, and let’s just say that there were lots of people around that area.
I’m prone to panic easily, so I was terrified!
Breathe Breno. People will only have more reasons to bully you after this; it’s a habit by now.
I felt a hand grab mine. I didn’t have to look; I knew it was him, and honestly, it made me relax, even if only a little.
“Hey, breathe. It’s gonna be okay.” He whispered to me so nobody else could hear. I could only hope he was right.
“Alright, I trust you.”
He walked up to the man like it was nothing!
“Hey, sir, can my friend go through? He forgot his card.” I’m not ashamed to admit that I hid behind Ben like a child.
“You know I’m very strict about this, kid.”
I’m done for!
“I know, sir. It won’t happen again."
“Fine, but I want to hear it from your friend.”
“S-Sorry sir…” My voice was trembling.
“Fine, off you go.”
“That was the scariest experience ever!”
“Yeah, I could tell.”
“Hey, stop it!” My face was flushed.
“Stop throwing a tantrum and let me buy you something.”
“Fine, I’ll stop.”
“And that’s what happened.”
“I see.”
“It’s so strange how he can read my mind with a snap of his fingers.”
“I smell homosexuality.”
“OH SHUT UP!”
Mall, 3:20 PM
Ben's POV
“Have you finished picking the clothes yet?”
“No, just wait a sec, please.”
“Alright, take your time.”
When Erick said we were going out because I needed to touch grass, I didn’t expect to be dragged to the mall. If I have to be honest, I don’t need new clothes; I already have enough in my closet for two people.
“Hey, Erick, I don't like the stuff here very much.”
“Really? I thought for sure you would like something at least.”
“I like it; it just doesn’t fit my current style. You can get some if you want, though. After all, this isn’t just about me.”
“I see. Are you sure?”
“One hundred per cent sure. I’ll be at the entrance waiting.”
“Kay, don’t you dare leave my sight, young man.”
“I won’t.”
I know he’s my caretaker, but he doesn’t have to treat me like a child. It’s not like I will run off, especially not in an overcrowded mall—stupid crowded places.
Letting my mind wander while waiting won't do any good for the intrusive thoughts. It’s better to observe the place instead.
The mall is still packed with Christmas decorations, even though it has already been two weeks since the new year.
Whatever. Regardless, why is the mall so crowded? It's just a normal Saturday.
Observing is difficult, as a swarm of people crowds the place. But through the cracks, I could see familiar blonde hair, if I could even call it that. Moving closer, it becomes clear that it is indeed him, and judging by the strawberry-blonde hair sitting across from him, Stacy is also there.
I’ve known Stacy for about one or two years, and we were more like acquaintances than anything. We never got that close to each other. However, I got pretty close with her best friend, Breno, whom I’ve known for less than a week, very quickly—at least, I think so.
Guess I have a new topic for my next therapy session.
I sent a quick message to Erick and went to see them.
Breno’s POV
“I don’t. Like. Him! I’m trying very hard not to yell right now!”
“Oh, please! The closet is glass Bri! And you’re not even in the closet!” I roll my eyes. “If you thought that people would bully you for being scolded by Mr Smith, now people will tease you about holding hands with Ben, and not the funny teasing way I tease you.”
“Oh, Fuck!! That just came to me!”
“Do you see what I’m talking about now?”
“Even if I like him, which I do not!” She deadpanned. “He’s probably straight!”
“OF COURSE! He’s the straightest person I’ve ever seen!” I roll my eyes almost to the back of my head. “Please, Bri, you're not that dumb. He held your hand! He has that bisexual energy around him.”
“Well, he’s not an idiot, unlike you.”
She put her hand on her chest in mock offence and made an over-the-top shocked expression.
She started fake crying. “Why are you being so mean to your bestie, Breno?” I deadpanned.
“Stop being a baby.”
“You can’t deny it, tho!”
“Fine! Maybe what we did wasn’t normal for friends to do!”
“Finally!! And yes, he’s as straight as a circle.”
“Fuck.”
“What’s all the yelling for?”
I almost jumped out of my seat. Why is he here?
Stacy gave me a knowing look. “Hey, Ben! How you doin’?”
“I’m fine, and you guys?”
“We’re fine.” I said, my voice hoarse.
“And about the yelling-”
“Stacy was being an idiot.”
She gasped. “H-How could you!”
He laughed a little, and god, that smile made me feel things. My stomach started turning. I don’t like him—I’m not delusional—I don’t like him!
“And what you doin’ here at the mall, Ben?”
“Erick made me come here ‘cause apparently, I need to go out more often.”
“I see.”
“Who’s Erick?” I was genuinely confused.
“My caretaker.”
Now I’m even more confused! What is that supposed to mean?!
“What do you mean?”
“I have some heart problems.”
“Oh… Uh, sorry…”
“It’s fine, you didn’t know.” He smiled warmly at me, but it only made me shrink in my seat more.
“You’re downplaying it, Ben .” What does she mean?
He glared at her. “It’s nothing serious. We’ve talked about it before, Stacy .”
“You can’t say it’s nothing serious when you have-”
“Goddamnit Ben! You can’t just run off like that.”
Suddenly, a guy with light brown hair about the same length as mine, and mine goes to the shoulders, mind you, and pale dark blue eyes ran towards us.
“You can’t do this to me, young man!”
“Please, you’re 30. There's no need to act like I’m a baby you need to care for.”
“I’m 28, thank you very much, and yes, I have to, this is my job.” Their banter was quite funny to watch until the man looked at me. “So, you must be Breno. It’s nice to finally meet you.” He held out his hand as an invitation to shake it, and of course, I did; I didn’t want to appear rude. “Ben talked a lot about you, you know.”
“Oh, really?” My chest warmed a little. Did I make as much of an impression on him as he did on me?
He rolled his eyes. “You’re embarrassing me.”
“Well, I think he liked the comment, tho.” Fuck. I’m blushing now. Why is it always me? I can see a faint tint of red on Ben’s cheeks even if he tried to hide it with the back of his hand.
Stacy pouted. “Come on, guys! I should never have introduced you two to each other. Now you’re so close I might lose my bestie!” She started fake crying again.
“Can you stop, please? I can't deal with you anymore.”
Erick chuckled. “Looks like y’all are having fun. We won’t bother you anymore unless Benny wants to stay with you.”
“Don’t call me that. We won’t be bothering you anymore.”
“You’re welcome to tag along, Ben!” She switched emotions like it was nothing! Two-faced bitch.
“It’s fine. We were planning on leaving soon anyway.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, bye, guys. See you on Monday, Breno.”
“Bye Bye Ben!”
“See you…”
They leave, and Stacy gives me a teasing grin. “Totally obsessed.”
“Shut up!”
Mall, 5:50 PM
“Breno, I have to go now, sorry.”
“That’s fine.”
“I had so much fun today and now have so many references for my art! Thank you so much!” She hugged me. “You should think about modelling one day; your poses were so good!”
“You flatter me; it wasn't that good.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Bri!”
“Whatever, see you!”
“Bye-bye!”
*Am I that good?*
Ben POV
“You and Breno seem close.”
“I’ve only known the guy for a week.”
“Still, you guys are like soulmates already, inseparable.” I rolled my eyes. “Even if you say that, I can see it in your face. You look happier when you’re with him.”
I have problems trusting others, and ever since the accident, I feel like I have no control over my life. But when I’m with Breno, I feel free, like I’m finally in control. I know it’s strange, but I’m already attached to someone I’ve known for barely a week.
That’s something I should talk about with my therapist. How can someone with trust issues trust someone that quickly?
“You know you never let anyone touch you, and you held his hand. You never let anyone hug you; only Steve and I have that permission.”
“About that…”
“What did you do?”
I put my hands up in a defensive way. “I-I didn’t do anything wrong! It’s just…”
“Hey, I’m not accusing you of anything. Take a deep breath and tell me the story.”
“Alright…”
11th January, Wednesday
Oxford Basic and Secondary School
There’s a reason everyone in class 8ºD hates Wednesday—it’s the worst day on the schedule! We go to school at 8 AM and then return to school at 2:35 PM just to have art class. It's outrageous!
*Breno is very good at art; he has an A+. I could use that as an excuse for him to sit beside me. It’s still early, and the teacher is already here, but where’s Breno? Guess I gotta put my convincing skills to work.”
“Hello, Mr. Roberts.”
“Greetings, Mr. Mayfield. What do you need?”
“I wanted to ask if Breno could sit next to me.”
“And why is that?”
“I’m struggling with art, so he offered to help me. Is there a problem?”
“No, he can sit next to you. Strangely, he hasn’t shown up yet.”
“Yeah…”
I pick up my phone and send a quick message.
Breno💚
Is everything okay? Are you coming?
I’m almost there don’t worry
Alright, I’ll be waiting
A sigh of relief comes out of my mouth. *Good, he’s okay.*
And he wasn’t lying. He almost immediately came through the door, but I knew something was wrong instantly. He tried to hide it by hanging his head low, and to his credit, his hair is long, so it hides his face easily. However, I could read him like a book. His eyes were puffy and red, with tear streaks on his face.
2:35 PM still on time, thankfully.
I smile at him and point to the seat next to me. He walks to the seat like a zombie, and my smile instantly drops.
What happened to him?
When everyone arrived, the professor started his scolding session, the usual stuff about being in class at the right time. I wasn’t included in that list, so I just drifted off, but I couldn’t stop looking over at him. He was so out of it, looking nowhere with a dazed look.
After a while, he finally explained the work: “You can ask your partner or me for help, but be quiet.”
*Thanks, teach. You just gave me the perfect opportunity*
“Hey, Breno,” I said quietly, and he immediately flinched hard. I instantly frowned.
“Yeah? Do you need anything?”
“Can you help with this? I don’t know how to do it.” This was a blatant lie. I could easily do the work alone, but I feel he needs some sort of distraction from his thoughts.
“Oh, it’s fairly easy. You just need to use your protractor and pick the angle you want. Most work as long as it’s close to forty-five degrees.”
“I see. Thanks.”
*I hope it’s enough to keep him distracted for now.*
“Class, you’re dismissed for fifteen minutes. I hope none of you are late.”
Perfect.
“Breno, can I talk to you?”
“Uhh yeah, whatcha you need?”
“I’m just worried about you.” I hold his hand, and he goes stiff. “I’m not mad, okay.” He relaxed a little, but he still looked uncomfortable. “You seem a little distant today, and don’t try to deny it. Your face says it all.”
He looks away from me and shrinks in on himself like he's trying to escape my knowing look.
“If you don’t wanna tell me, it’s fine.” I put my hands up.
“No, it’s okay, I’ll tell you. My friend always says I shouldn’t bottle up my feelings, so it’s better this way.”
“You sure?”
“Yep, but let’s do it in a less crowded place. Follow me.” He grabs my hand and guides me down the stairs.
“Alright…”
“The second floor?”
“Just trust me.”
The school has five floors and a rooftop. The first floor houses the secretary’s, teachers’, and clubs’ rooms. The third floor houses the classrooms for key stage three, and the fourth floor houses the classes for key stage four.
The fifth floor is the one people are scared of. There’s nothing there; it’s just an empty floor used for storage, but I can see why it’s scary. And no, the second floor is not haunted. It’s the floor where night classes are held. It’s as empty as the fifth but more lively, but it’s still strange how he knows about it. The floor is permanently closed unless it’s nighttime.
“Breno, you know the second floor is always closed, right?” He takes a key out of his pocket. “Wait! How do you have that?!”
He put his finger over my mouth. “Shh! Keep a secret for me, will you, vice-prez?" He whispered. I won’t lie; the tone of his voice and the title he used made me blush.
“Fine… But you will have to tell me how you got that.”
“Deal.”
“How can you walk through the hall like it’s nothing when it’s so scary!”
“Stop being a baby.”
Unfortunately for me, the breaker was off, so the only source of light we had was Breno’s phone, so we were screwed basically. It’s not that I’m scared of the dark, but my experience on this floor ain’t the best. Ruby once asked me to go to the second floor to get something, and as the vice president, I couldn’t just refuse!
“Ben.”
“Y-Yes, Ruby?”
“Someone from the nighttime period just called me. They said they left their jacket in one of the classes, but don’t remember which one. Can you get it for me?”
“Of course, I will be on my way.”
“One more thing! The breaker should be on, but take a flashlight just in case.”
“Alright.”
“Why does it have to be me…?”
Great! Make the fucking coward go to the scariest floor in the school that could have no lights. What could possibly go wrong?!
Calm down, Ben. It’s just the scariest and darkest floor in the school. You can do this!
As the elevator doors opened, I braced myself, and would you know it?! It was dark! Completely dark!! You couldn’t see shit!
A giant breath came out of my lungs. “Okay. It’s fine, everything's going to be fine.”
People from the night classes always have lessons in the same room. How can you forget the damn room?!
Walking through the dark halls sent shivers down my spine whenever I heard a floor creak. When everything is eerily silent, everything sounds like it's on max volume, and I freaking hate it!
God, I feel bad for the janitor. It feels like I’m running around in circles! I’ve probably been to seven rooms and still haven’t found it!
I opened another door, waiting for the disappointment to happen again, but the jacket was there!
“Finally!” I take it and immediately start heading back.
Fuck! I don’t know the way back!!
Unfortunately for me, the damn floor didn’t have a floor plan! So, if I thought I was going around in circles, it was because I was!!m Frustration enters my veins as I take a deep breath. *Everything is going to be fine. Just go back the way you came. I was determined to be strong, but suddenly, I heard something fall to the ground. All reason left me as I entered flight mode and ran for my life, eventually finding the exit.
“Ben, you’re back! How did it go?”
“Never make me go there again.” I was panting from running so much.
“Alright, you good?”
“I’ll be fine…”
The duality is crazy. He's walking through the halls calmly while I look like a scaredy cat.
“How are you not scared?!”
“Because I’ve been here before, even with the breaker off!”
I’m not ashamed to admit that I made him hold my hand. While I don’t understand how this place can be comfortable for him, I know next to nothing about him, so I can’t judge.
“We’re almost there. Just hang in there for me, okay?” He tightened his hold on my hand, and we went on our merry way.
“And here we are!”
“Isn’t this Counsellor Fernando’s room?”
“Yep. I used to have night classes with him.” He slid down one of the walls. “I still regularly visit him, but after I returned to regular school, this became my comfort place.”
“I see. That’s why you’re not scared of coming here.” I sat down next to him.
“Yeah, I guess.” He tensed up. I know what he’s waiting for, but I can’t bring myself to start the conversation. “You want to know, right? After all, it’s why we came here.”
“I know, but you should take your time. I can wait.”
“I’ll tell you.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, don’t worry.”
Breno POV
I walked into my house without saying a word. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be home until I heard his voice.
“Welcome home.”
“Why are you here?”
“I took a day off work to see you. I made lunch. Come eat.”
“Alright…”
I sat down. The air was tense; I could feel it, and it scared me.
“Breno.”
“Y-Yes…”
“I saw your grades.”
Knew it. Of course, it wasn’t to 'talk'.
“Y-Yeah, what about it?”
“Well, they were good, but I saw some B’s.”
“It’s first-term grades. I can still improve them!”
“Then make me believe it.”
“Do you not have faith in your own son?!”
“Breno, I’m not saying that.”
I abruptly got up. “It sure looks like it!” I yelled through the tears, my eyes stung. How could he say that?
I left the kitchen while he yelled for me to come back and slammed the door to my room. I cried my eyes out, sobbing and everything. I was so angry, I just wanted some peace. I waited a long time to ensure he left the kitchen. It was hard to eat while sobbing, but if I didn’t eat, I would be in an even worse mood.
Ben POV
“That’s it. I didn’t leave anything out.”
His story shocked me. How could a father say that to their own son? ‘Make me believe it?’ What’s that supposed to mean?
He started shaking. “It’s stupid. I shouldn’t be crying about this.” He wiped the tears with the sleeve of his jacket. “Sorry you had to listen to that.”
I held his hand. “It’s not stupid; it’s how you feel. Your emotions aren’t stupid.”
He looked at me, dumbfounded, trying to hold them back until he couldn’t anymore, and burst into tears.
I brushed my thumb through his hand while he sobbed into his sleeve. “Sorry if this is strange, but… Can I hug you?"
He looked up with wide eyes, like he was trying to process what I said.
He nodded, and I embraced him. He put his head on my chest and melted into the hug while I ran my hands through his long hair. I could feel my shirt getting wet, but I couldn't care less; he needed to get this all out. The break was only fifteen minutes, so it was probably almost time we returned.
He sniffled and let go of me. “T-Thank you.”
His voice was still shaky, but he looked calmer.
“It’s nothing. You can vent to me whenever you need.”
He sniffled and chuckled. “You don’t know how much that means to me. You have a tissue?”
“Yeah, here.”
“Thanks.” He blew his nose, which was the loudest thing I’ve ever heard. I laughed.
“How much snot did you have in there?”
“Stop it.”
“S-Sorry.” I was still choking on my laughter while he pouted at me.
The bell rang, and we both flinched. “That’s our cue.” He said while getting up. “Come on, the little baby needs my help again, doesn’t he?”
“Shut up.”
He chuckled. I was happy. He looked in a better mood; that was all I wanted.
“And that’s what happened. It was nothing major.”
“I see.” He looked at me with a proud expression. “I’m glad you made a friend. There’s nothing wrong with hugging someone you met a few days ago; some people get attached quickly, and others don't. It's completely normal.”
“Thanks, I was starting to doubt myself for a moment there,” I said, scratching the back of my neck. “I should probably talk to Miss Chamberlin, tho.”
“If you think you should, then do it.”
“Yeah, we should get going now.”
Mall, 6:10 PM
Breno POV
Honestly, I have never liked going to the restroom alone, especially not in public spaces, but I have no option now. I don’t like being alone in closed spaces where no one will hear you if something goes wrong.
*Why did you say it was fine, idiot?!
While washing my hands, a man around my age started doing the same thing next to me. Not gonna lie, I panicked a little.
*Just breathe; it's going to be fine.*
He cooed at me. “It’s not every day you see a pretty man in the mall’s restroom~.”
Bile rose in my throat, immediately a turn-off. I finished washing my hands and started to leave when they grabbed my wrist.
“Where are you going, dear~.”
“Let go of me.”
“Why should I?” He got closer, and I flinched away.
“Just let go of me, man.”
He stepped into my personal space. “Playing hard to get, I see. I like that~.” He cornered me into the wall.
“Go away.” I pushed him off, but he grabbed my hands and cornered me again. “Stop.”
“You’re so handsome~. I’m gonna enjoy this.”
*Scream! Scream! You idiot! Why aren’t you doing anything?! Why are you frozen in place?!”
I couldn’t do anything; my body just stopped working, and the only thing I wanted to do was cry. I’m being assaulted, for fuck’s sake, so why couldn’t I do anything?! Why didn’t my body go into fight or flight mode? My ears were ringing, and my body completely shut down. It was hopeless.
“Hey dude, don’t you think you’re a little close?”
Someone’s voice echoed in my ears, but I couldn’t tell if it was someone I knew. Are they going to let this happen? Is it one of their friends? At this point, I was hyperventilating. The tears made it hard to see because my vision was blurry. They were talking, but I couldn’t hear them.
Until they let go, and I slid down the wall. I just sat there staring at my lap. I didn’t know what was happening, but my only instinct was to curl up like a ball and cry. I don’t know how long I stood there until a hand was placed on my shoulder.
I flinched away. “Hey, I’m not gonna hurt you.”
I was terrified; it was a different voice, but it didn’t change anything. For all I knew, the person was just another stranger with ulterior motives.
“Breno, it’s me, Ben.”
I looked up, and warm red eyes were looking at me very worriedly.
“W-Why are you here? Didn’t you leave already?”
“Yeah, but I needed to go to the restroom, so I ran into the crime scene.”
“Where are they?”
“You didn’t see it?” I shook my head. “Gosh, I’ll just tell you.”
“Hey dude, don’t you think you’re a little close?”
“Stay out of people’s business, dude.” He said, voice laced with venom.
“I wouldn’t if he looked like he was enjoying it.”
“I think you should go.”
“Someone can’t use the restroom now?”
“I said go .”
I looked over at Breno; his eyes were dilated, and he was hyperventilating.
“I don’t think I’m going anywhere anytime soon.”
I pushed him off, and if a stare could kill, I would be dead right now.
“I thought someone our age would understand what harassment is.”
“You-”
I grabbed him by the collar, and he looked terrified.
I chuckled. “Looks like I found another coward.” I pushed him to the floor. “You should leave now, I’m not keen on seeing disgusting people in my peripheral vision.
“And that’s what happened.”
“I see… Thank you.” I gave him a watery smile. “Thank you so much!”
“You have nothing to thank me for, I'm just doing what a good person would do.”
He extended his hand to me, and I took it. He didn’t let go, though.
“You want a ride?”
“No, there’s no-” My voice was hesitant, and I stopped mid-sentence. I never want to bother other people with my problems, but I’m still feeling uneasy about being alone. Just thinking about it is making my eyes burn.
Ben noticed this because his thumb started to run through the back of my hand. “Yeah, I would like a ride if you don’t mind.”
“There’s no problem, come on.”
Some days ago, when we held hands, I immediately let go, but now, we’re holding hands while he's guiding me to the car. It’s strange, to say the least.
“You’re back, finally!” Erick noticed Ben and immediately went up to him. “Oh, you have a guest, I see.” He flashed me a sympathetic smile.
*Did he notice?*
“Is it okay to give him a ride, Erick?”
“Of course! Why not? Come on.” When I looked at the car, it was a fucking Tesla!
*WHAT THE HELL!*
“Could you give me the location of your house, Breno?”
“Yeah, here.” I took out my phone and gave it to him. He nodded and started driving.
7:10 PM
From the second we left the mall, I could feel Ben gently rubbing his thumb through the back of my hand. It was comforting and made me feel safe in a new place.
“We’re here! I didn’t get it wrong, right?” He looked behind.
“Nope, this is the one. Thank you so much.” I hugged Ben, and he jumped out of surprise but hugged me back. I saw Erick smirk from the corner of my eye. “Thanks.” I whispered to him.
“You’re welcome.”
I left the car, and Erick rolled down his window. “You can always ask for a ride if you need.”
I nodded. “Thanks.” And walked to the front door.
As they drove off, I braced myself. We haven’t talked since the argument. Due to my father’s work, he’s always busy, so I haven’t had the opportunity yet. He should be home already, so this is my chance.
“I’m home!”
“Welcome home.” He smiled warmly at me. He was cooking something, but I couldn’t tell what it was. “Is something wrong? You seem worried.”
I tug my sleeves down past my fingers. “It’s about what happened on W-Wednesday.”
“Oh.” He looked away from me with a guilty look. “If you want, we can talk.”
I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry Dad. I shouldn’t have blown up at you-”
“What are you apologising for?” He put his hands up. “I should be the one apologising to you goddamnit. I’m so sorry Breno.”
I was bewildered, to say the least. My dad, the most stubborn man I know, just like me, was apologising?
He ran his hand through his hair until it ended on his face. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you. I’m just so stressed with work and everything. I just want you to have a better future than me, one without regrets…” He looked away. I knew what he was talking about. I wasn’t stupid. When he had day shifts, I could hear him in his bedroom. I still questioned why his eyes were so red when I was younger, but he always dismissed it.
“Daddy is just overreacting, darling; there’s nothing wrong.”
Now, I don’t bother asking him about it; it won’t help. Instead, I just hug him in the morning.
“But it doesn’t excuse my actions. ” He looked directly at me tiredly. He had dark eye bags under his eyes. “I’m truly sorry.”
“Dad. Can I hug you?” His eyes widened, but he opened his arms, and I lunged at him.
He hugged me tightly, and I wanted to cry. My father never liked comfort or touch. He prefers to bottle up his feelings until he can’t and breaks down. I got that from him. His coworkers say we aren’t very close, but ever since I can remember, it has been just us against the world. He’s always so distant, but it’s moments like this when I truly know he loves me.
I didn’t realise I was crying until he wiped a tear from my face. “One of us has to be emotional, am I right?” He chuckled, but his eyes were glassy as if he was on the verge of tears. Unfortunately, he would never let them fall in front of me.
“I’m making lasagna, your favourite.”
I smiled widely. “Yes, finally!”
“So much energy, ugh.” He rolled his eyes. “Go change and come eat.”
“Kay!”
“You should talk with your dad.”
“I’m scared, I don’t know if it will work.”
“You need to do it, or else you’re never gonna get your answer.”
*I’m glad I decided to do it.*
I flopped down on the bed and texted him.
Ben♥️
It worked! Thank you so much for the advice!
I sighed and heard a loud ‘meow!’ next to me. “Oww, how’s my lil cutie doin’?” I smiled at Mimi and got up. She started purring and rubbing her head against my leg. “You’re hungry, right? Come here.”
I filled her bowl, and she started eating happily. I sighed. “This cat eats as much as I!” I put my pyjamas on and went back to the kitchen.
Ben POV
As we drove off his driveway, I could see his shaky hands. I’m the one who gave the advice, but I can’t help but feel nervous. What if it doesn’t work? Will he even listen to me?
“Calm down, boy, I can smell the nervousness from here.” He gave me a teasing look and I rolled my eyes.
“Shut up.”
“I’m serious. It’s going to go well for him. I can feel it.” He smiled at me reassuringly.
“I just hope you’re right.”
“Ben?” I flinched hard and looked back at him.
I had zoned out halfway through the ride, thinking about what could happen when we got home. When we arrived, I didn’t come out, so he opened the door for me.
“You feeling alright?”
“Yeah, just zoned out.”
“Don’t do that! You scared me there.”
“Sorry.”
“Is it about your dad?” I was flabbergasted.
“How did you know?”
“I can feel the tension, you know. It’s quite obvious.” I started scratching my arm. “What are you so nervous about, anyway?”
“I don’t know.”
He noticed and grabbed my arm, stopping the movement. “He’s not going to hurt you.”
“Not physically, at least.” He looked at me pitifully, took my hand and guided me to the front door.
He unlocked the door, and I took a deep breath.
“We’re home!”
“Finally back. Did something happen?”
“We just gave a ride to one of his friends.”
My father nodded, and I sneaked off to my room. I knew I would eventually have to face it, but I wanted to avoid it for now.
He looked sternly at me. I just wanted to protect him! Who cares if those people got hurt? They’re evil!
Breathe in. One, two, three, four.
Hold. Five, six, seven.
Eight. I exhaled.
“Do it as many times as you need. You need to calm down, even if you need to do it a thousand times.”
I repeated the process a few more times and felt slightly better. When I first started therapy, I didn’t think it would work, that breathing exercises were stupid, but as I continued, I got better and felt calmer. My therapist is my hero and the person I want to be when I grow up.
I flopped on my bed, lying on my stomach. I was calmer, but I still felt sick in the stomach.
Maybe he doesn’t know, and I’m just imagining the look he gave me. Maybe I’m just overreacting!
I tried convincing my stupid brain it was true, but the illusion was quickly shattered.
“You don’t say hi to me now?”
I sat up and looked directly into his eyes. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine.” He looked up and down at me like he was trying to see through my calm facade.
“Just spit it out, instead of staring at me that way. You know I hate staring.”
“There was an accident at school yesterday. Two students were injured, one with a broken nose, the other with a twisted wrist.”
“And what does that have to do with me?”
“The cameras say everything for me, Ben .”
“So, we’re just gonna let bullying happen?”
“I’m not saying that.”
“Well, that’s what it looks like!”
“It still doesn’t excuse your actions. You shouldn’t have done it.”
“I only wanted to protect him.”
“And does that make it okay for you to do that?”
“No, but-”
“There’s no excuse!” I flinched. “It doesn’t matter why you did it. What matters is that it happened, and it shouldn’t have happened.”
I didn’t respond. Instead, I looked away. I was wasting my breath trying to argue with him. I’m not ashamed of what I did. People like that will be taught a lesson one day, and they just got theirs early. In the end, I only wanted to protect Miles.
“You’re not gonna say anything?”
“There’s no point. Just… go away. Please.” I fully turned away from him. My eyes stung with unshed tears. I bit my bottom lip and prayed he would leave soon.
Soon after, the door opened and closed quickly, and I immediately burst into tears.
Why am I always blamed for everything?
During my mini-breakdown, I didn’t notice the door opening until a hand was placed on my shoulder.
I snapped my head up, and Erick was next to me. When he noticed my tear-streaked face, his face dropped.
“Oh Ben.” I whimpered at the tone, and he wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug.
With my head on his chest and his hands running through my hair, I finally let go of everything weighing me down. I sobbed and sniffled like I hadn’t cried since I was a baby, and yet he stayed silent throughout all of it, only saying the occasional “shh” to try to calm me down. Like what I was doing wasn’t strange, a man shouldn’t cry, yet I’m here crying like a baby.
I eventually let go and sniffled a little. “Feeling better?” He held my hand and squeezed lightly.
I squeezed back. “Yeah, thank you.”
“There’s no need to thank me. I will always be here for you.” He smiled warmly at me. “You want me to talk with your dad?”
“I’m not sure.”
“I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.”
“Okay… There’s no need to talk to him. I think I’ll take a nap before dinner.”
“Alright. I’ll wake you up when it’s time.”
“Thanks.”
He closed the door, and my back instantly hit the bed. What am I doing with my life?
The heels of my palms pressed into my closed eyes until I could feel tears forming in the corners. A ping from my phone takes me out of my trance. I took it out and noticed a message from Breno.
Breno💚
It worked! Thank you so much for the advice!
A smile forms on my face. It worked. That’s good.
Breno💚
Told u.
Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
I’m so sleepy.
I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night.
Insomnia’s bad.
U better sleep then.
Yeah, that’s preferable.
I’m gonna take a nap.
Good night.
Night!
My body releases a yawn I can’t hold back. Pulling the covers over myself, my eyes flutter closed almost immediately.