Chapter Text
Luffy is clutching at his chest. Clawing, punching, anything to ease the airflow to his lungs. His cheeks are wet from sweat and tears. His blurry vision can only make out a light from across the room, the door. Fresh air, he needs fresh air.
As he steps on the creaking boards beneath, his legs trembles and he sits at the edge of the bed. Drops of tears stains his lap. Lifting his hands to cover his mouth, he only sobs as the tears only grow thicker.
It had all gone so well, the reunion at Sabaody Archipelago went just as well as it could have! He arrived last, but that only meant he would be able to see his crew all together at once! He couldn’t have been happier! He hadn’t thought of Marineford in the slightest, he could only focus on the base of his happiness right before him.
But he saw where his crew’s looks pointed at. They glimpsed at his chest. No, not his chest, but what covered it. He thought it would all be forgotten when he was with his crew again. It would all be like it was before, where he’d play pranks and play around all day. But his scar only proved that the Grand Line demanded a more serious crew. His scar is a mere reminder of what happened when you play pirate with toy swords in a world of plunderers and murderers.
He removes his hand to wipe his puffy eyes. Shuddering breaths fills the men’s quarters. He tries to stand up again to reach the door. Suffocation and tears only increasing with every step.
When his hand finally opens the door, slamming it behind him, he sighs loudly to then inhale deeply. Smell of seawater calming him down.
As his breathing finally settles, he goes to the railing to watch the coming sunrise. So far, only the water has begun shining brightly at the horizon. It’s orange.
His face scrunches up again as he squeezes his eyes shut to stop the tears. Clinging to the railing, he can barely keep his weight up. Blubbering mumbles escapes his lips.
His knees crumble beneath him, leaving him a crying mess. His hand covering his eyes as his tears seeps through the cracks between his fingers. His other hand reaches the scar on his chest. It starts with light scratches, but quickly escalated into a bloody stride against his own body. The blood covering his nails is warm and comforting.
His breathing only quickens before a tune reaches his ears and he hitched a breath.
It was familiar. It was a violin.
As he sits there, welcoming the melody, he finally removes the hand covering his eyes, seeing the glistering red on his fingertips of his other hand, trails in red running down his arm and torso.
Suddenly there was screaming and pain and a weight all over his body. His hands are covered in blood, but it’s not his. The cold air contrasts the warm blood. There’s words repeating in his head. ‘…thank you…’ they say, he can’t hear the rest, he tries to see anything other than blurry objects. The tears finally ceases from his eyes and he looks at a freckled face and-
Before he could react, footsteps behind him closed in.
”Hey, Luffy! You’re not getting any breakfast before the others just because you wake up early y’know, shitty captain.” The voice tsk’d.
Luffy quickly stood up but refused to face the other. He swallowed multiple times and wiped his bloody hand on his red shirt. It obviously didn’t remove all the traces of blood, but it was all he could manage.
With his other hand he tries to collect and wipe his tears from his face before speaking. “Oh, Sanji, hey!” His voice is trembling. “Sanji, yeah, hi! I just, yeah I was getting the food but, uhm, yeah..!”
Sanji, his eyebrow raising, steps closer and raises his hand toward Luffy.
“Luff-“
Luffy shoves him to the ground and sprints back inside to the bathroom, ignoring whatever Sanji was gonna do, probably scold him.
Inside the bathroom he finally looks into the mirror and barely recognises himself.
His eyes are completely red and puffy, his cheeks are glistering from tears and his whole face is flustered. The scar on his chest is visibly recently injured, bleeding. In other words, he was a mess.
He wastes no time to turn on the faucet and scrubs his hands. By the time he’s done they’re red. He cleans his face and the scar on his chest but it’s still very obviously been damaged so he decides to button his cardigan once again, like he had before everything happened.
His face is still red and puffy so he decides to just sit there on the floor.
He feels like crying again but that’s for weaklings. But he is weak, isn’t he? He couldn’t do anything, anything at all. And everything he tried to do just made it worse. It’s that simple, he’s weak.
A knock from the other side of the door disturbs his thoughts. “Luffy, it’s you in there isn’t it? Get your ass out here already, breakfast is ready.”
He sniffles before answering weakly, “Yeah! Of course I’m coming I must’ve fell asleep in here or something haha.” He sits up again and once again washes his face. It’s less puffy than before.
Zoro stands right outside when he decides to finally go.
”Didn’t you say breakfast was done? Why are you here then, Zoro?” He tried to sound as confident as ever, but he couldn’t hear how he sounded at all. Did it sound weak? Did it sound as he intended? He decides to just ignore it.
”Oh, yeah it is.” He clears is voice before speaking again. “You’re usually the first one in the kitchen, is all.”
“Yeah, I fell asleep in there, I guess I must’ve been pretty tired, huh?” Luffy lightly chuckles as Zoro only stares.
”Alright.” He answers and walks to the kitchen.
As Luffy stares at his back he swallows nervously, and walks after him.
Surely it will all go back to normal. Back to how it was 2 years ago.
They finally sit at the table again. It’s the first breakfast they’ve had together in 2 years. Sanji is cooking by himself. Nami and Usopp are talking to eachother. Chopper is still fascinated about Franky’s body and he’s more than happy to show him. Robin is drinking some coffee as she’s listening to Brook’s stories as an artist. They’re all having fun in one way or another.
Until Luffy spots Zoro across the table, he’s partially listening to Nami and Usopp but every so often just glances at him.
Luffy looks at himself to see if there’s anything that could’ve caused the glances, he got worried thinking maybe there was some blood that he missed to clean but he couldn’t find any. And he just keeps glancing over.
Luffy feels uncomfortable under his sight but is saved by Sanji introducing the breakfast. Everyone cheers and digs in.
Like its instinct, Luffy takes someone’s food and shoved it in his mouth as he uses his other arm to gather everything else on the table. The crew complains about the food thief but Luffy just laughs and keeps chewing.
He chews, and chews, but never swallows. It’s like his body won’t allow him. It’s not that it tastes bad, in fact it’s probably the tastiest thing he’s ever had. But he just can’t swallow.
The crew eventually notices the pace in which he stopped eating. Most joke about it being the shock of tastiness or something like that. But Zoro and Robin stares in silence.
Luffy can feel his eyes watering up again. Oh no. He stands up, the hastiness making the chair tilt over.
Mouthful of food he mumbles. “Wait a second.” But it sounded more like. “Whub uh shukn.” And runs out of the kitchen into the bathroom again.
The crew stay in the kitchen. It was weird, but they didn’t think much of it, after all it was their first breakfast together again.
In the bathroom Luffy lay slumped over the toilet, vomiting, and vomiting. Eventually he lay there dry heaving. His tears mix with the vomit and he feels sticky and disgusting.
Why did it go so wrong? Could it have been the smell?
Luffy covers his mouth. It was the smell, it definitely was.
At Rusukaina, in the beginning when Rayleigh would feed him cooked meat, he couldn’t stand the smell, he’d cry and throw up and feel so ashamed.
So he had gone into the habit of eating other things, fruits, raw fish, safe mushrooms, anything edible. A habit he had forgotten to break.
He couldn’t just not eat meat forever, he loved it, he just couldn’t stand the smell, there must be something he can do.
Someone knocked at the door. “Luffy, it’s me, Robin.”
Luffy quickly flushes the toilet and drinks handful of water from the sink.
”Robin! Sanji’s food was just so good I took too much and choked on it, haha!”
He finishes cleaning himself up.
”I can’t believe I have gone without his food for 2 years!”
It was so quiet on the other side that Luffy thought she had walked away.
”Luffy..” She starts.
”Yeah?”
”It’s okay, you saved all of us, you saved me. So please let me help you.” She speaks so softly.
Luffy stiffens before opening the door, with a serious tone. “Robin, what are you talking about?” He looks past her.
”Just please, don’t shut yourself in. Rely on us.”
He walks past Robin toward the kitchen. “Robin, I am relying on you guys, what else would I do?”