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Sebastian had never expected to find himself in this situation.
Ever since growing tired of indiscriminately devouring souls, he had been bound to countless contractors over the past few centuries. Some had wanted power, some wealth, and others had merely wanted physical pleasure. Many had been kings or emperors. Sebastian had felt repulsed by all of them; it was immensely satisfying to him to act the loyal, devoted servant, making them believe they were above all others, before watching their arrogance turn to despair, squirming like insects as Sebastian mercilessly extracted their souls. It was a fair deal in his eyes. Both parties wanted a selfish goal fulfilled. They just lacked the foresight to realise what they were really throwing away. All humans realised too late that no earthly pleasure was worth the loss of one’s soul.
This time, it was different.
That night on which he happened upon the crying child in the cage had been surprising on several fronts. First, that the boy’s summoning had been more powerful than any of the cultists. Second, the sheer amount of rage and desperation emanating from such a tiny human. Third, the fact that one so young had managed to negotiate a contract which constrained Sebastian so tightly, not falling for the charming lies Sebastian had found such success with in the past.
Yet despite this impressive display of intelligence and strategy, Ciel was really a helpless child. Sebastian had had to turn away and hide his annoyance when he learned that the boy could not even locate his own home. Rebuilding said home in a matter of seconds was as easy as breathing to Sebastian, but finding it was something he had expected Ciel could do on his own. For goodness’ sake, he was a butler, not a babysitter. This was going to be far more troublesome than he had anticipated.
His irritation had only increased when he felt tiny fingers tugging on his tailcoat. Suppressing the urge to snatch it out of the child’s grip, he had forced an overly bright smile and turned to face him once more. Something had stirred inside of him, however, to see Ciel looking up at him with an expression of such wide-eyed curiosity. Ciel did not at all trust the demon he had formed a contract with, but he trusted Sebastian. Sebastian had been made to be trustworthy. Because he was nothing, and could become anyone, and all this child needed was somebody to rely on. It wasn’t the kind of role Sebastian was used to playing, but it was something different. Perhaps it would be entertaining for a short while.
Life with his new ‘young master’ had been vexing at first. The boy was bossy, spoiled and demanding. Yet Sebastian couldn’t help but admire his tenacity, his inner strength, and his determination so great that he gritted his teeth and allowed Sebastian to use his most brutal of instruction methods, as they both learned how to present their new identities to the world.
During the day, the child wore his new self with unwavering stoicism. At night, however, the façade crumbled.
The first time Ciel had a nightmare, Sebastian rose at once in response to the screams, half-wondering if an intruder had somehow managed to get inside under his watch. When he entered the room and found nobody but his master cowering under a heap of blankets, he hesitated for a moment. This was a new part of the ‘butler aesthetic’ he was, as yet, unprepared for. Emotional support did not fall under a butler’s remit, as far as Sebastian was aware, but then, butlers did not usually have a traumatised child for a master. Nothing about their situation was normal. They were creating their own 'normal' together, and if this kind of service was what Ciel needed, what kind of butler would Sebastian be if he didn’t provide it?
He approached the bed. “Is everything all right, my lord?”
All that was visible of Ciel was his mouth and two white, trembling hands, which clutched the blanket in an iron grip. “W-who’s there?”
Sebastian knelt down, trying to meet Ciel’s eyes. When he did, he was startled by their vacant, haunted expression. It was like Ciel wasn’t seeing him at all, but somewhere else entirely. It was quite easy to guess where.
“Only me, my lord. Sebastian, your butler.”
“Right. Sebastian.” Ciel murmured the name almost to himself, the name of the being he had shaped into the only thing he could fully trust.
Sebastian tentatively reached out and put his hand on the blanket. “Why don’t you lie ba-”
Ciel screamed from the depths of his soul, recoiling from Sebastian’s hand as though it were made of molten metal. “Don’t touch me!”
Sebastian's hand hovered uncertainly. If he couldn’t tuck Ciel back in, then what exactly could he do? No amount of demonic magic or butler skill would fix this situation, and Sebastian had nothing to fall back on. “In that case, my lord, I’ll take my leave. Call me if you-”
“Stay.” This word held just as much desperation as the scream.
Sebastian sighed in exasperation. Can’t he make up his mind?
“Just stay there. Until I fell asleep.”
The instruction was clear enough. So Sebastian didn’t have to do anything. Just be there. It was unexpected, but given that the child ran him ragged during the day, perhaps he should be glad of a break. “Certainly. I'll stay, my lord.”
Standing like a statue at the foot of the bed, Sebastian watched as Ciel gradually stopped shaking and his breathing evened out. Eventually, he fell into a light sleep, curled up like a kitten under his mound of blankets. Was my presence required for that? Sebastian’s lips twitched with amusement. How comical, really, that the child wanted a demon of all things to stand guard at his bedside- but how tragic at the same time.
Ciel’s bad dreams returned nightly. It was always the same routine- Sebastian wasn’t to touch him or even go near him, just stand in the room. This was not really surprising, as he did not seem comfortable with physical contact during the day, either. At first, Sebastian’s supernatural strength combined with Ciel’s damaged and frail body meant that touch was almost always painful for the boy. Washing or dressing him would result in winces and hisses. Even when Ciel’s wounds healed and Sebastian learned to be gentle, the boy would sit stiffly as Sebastian dressed him every morning, visibly relaxing as soon as he was done.
Over time, Ciel realised that Sebastian wasn’t going to hurt him, or worse. He began to close his eyes in the bath. He stopped flinching when Sebastian dried him. Instead of watching Sebastian’s hands like a hawk as he fastened the buttons on his waistcoat, he would lean back, kick his feet and stare into the distance, sometimes conversing with Sebastian about the day’s schedule. Still, the rule of no touching after a nightmare remained. Night after night, Sebastian would stand at a dutiful distance, protecting Ciel from both real and imaginary threats.
One night, a little over a month after returning to the manor, Sebastian had just finished disposing of intruders in the grounds when his sharp ears picked up on Ciel’s scream. Glancing at the window, his instinct told him to simply fly up, but he resisted the contract seal burning on his hand and went to approach from the inside; he always walked down the hall and knocked on Ciel’s bedroom door, and he didn’t want to frighten the boy by appearing out of nowhere.
He gave the customary three knocks on Ciel’s door, knowing he wouldn’t receive any answer, then pushed it open. “My lord, is everything all right?” he asked, knowing that it wasn’t.
Ciel was sitting up in bed, pillows strewn across the floor and blankets dishevelled. Sebastian had never actually seen him wake from a nightmare, but he could only imagine he threw everything from him in a blind panic. His breathing came out in shallow, ragged gasps, and the smell of sweat radiated from him.
“S-Sebastian?” he whispered.
“Yes, it’s me, your butler.”
By now, this was a routine as familiar as preparing breakfast. Sebastian knew what he had to do. Just be there. As he went to take his place at the foot of the bed, however, Ciel spoke his name again, louder this time, and held out his arms.
Sebastian paused. Did he want him to come closer? It certainly seemed to be an invitation to approach, so Sebastian did so, stopping just short of the bed.
However, Ciel shuffled towards him, reaching up with his arms. Sebastian studied him quizzically. His experience with children was admittedly limited, but if he had to hazard a guess, it seemed that perhaps his master was asking to be picked up. Leaning down, he slid his arms under Ciel's and lifted the child onto his hip. The movement was clunky, awkward. He had never held a human before, and so simply mimicked what he would do with a cat; one arm supported Ciel’s bottom, while the other settled on his lower back.
He looked at Ciel for confirmation that he had done the right thing. The child’s mismatched eyes still had that glassy expression they always did after a nightmare, but as they met Sebastian’s, they began to glisten with tears. Within moments, his face crumpled into sobs.
Sebastian immediately went to put him down. “So sorry, my lord, it shall not happen again,” he said quickly, pulling back the bedcovers. As he tried to lower Ciel into the bed, however, the child cried harder and clung to him, tiny fingers turning white from the force with which they held the lapels of his tailcoat. Sebastian froze, staring at him in confusion. Did he want to be held, or not? Well, he didn’t seem to be giving Sebastian much choice in the matter, so he hoisted him up into a more comfortable position on his hip, his legs dangling either side. Ciel wrapped his arms around Sebastian's neck, clinging onto him like a lifeline. Sebastian knew that his presence was reassuring, but it was a foreign feeling to have Ciel seeking physical comfort from him; his arms squeezed Sebastian's neck so tightly that had Sebastian been human, he might have struggled to breathe. He could feel hot tears trickling down under his collar, and the child's body convulsing with the force of his sobs. Stepping away from the bed, he began to gently rub Ciel’s back, up and down, up and down.
This seemed to help, as Ciel’s sobs slowly turned into sniffles, and his grip around Sebastian’s neck loosened. Sebastian could still feel him trembling, and held him close. “I’m here, my lord,” he said, softly. Concerned by the child’s rapid, wheezy breathing, he resumed rubbing his back. “There now, deep breaths. That’s it.”
With a long, shuddering breath, Ciel sat up and began to wipe his nose on his sleeve. Mindful of his precious tailcoat, Sebastian swiftly handed him a handkerchief.
Ciel blew his nose loudly, then passed the handkerchief back to Sebastian, who scrunched it up and put it in his pocket, trying to hide his distaste. Walking over to the window, he pulled the thick curtain aside and peered out. “My, look how high the moon has risen,” he remarked, turning slightly so Ciel could see. Mesmerised, the child looked out, his sparkling eyes and tear-stained cheeks illuminated by the pale light. He yawned suddenly, and Sebastian smiled. “Time to go back to bed, I think.”
“No!” Eyes filled with panic again, Ciel flung his arms around Sebastian’s neck.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. It seemed that now Ciel had allowed himself to be held, he couldn’t bear the idea of letting go. Well, if that was what his young lord wished, Sebastian was obliged to fulfil it.
He closed the curtain once more, shrouding the room in darkness, and began to slowly pace up and down. Soothed by the steady movement, Ciel laid his head on Sebastian’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Within minutes, his body had gone slack and he was breathing deeply.
Sebastian looked down at the top of his head. This child never ceased to surprise him. To fall asleep so defencelessly in a demon’s arms- Sebastian had never had anybody display such pure and innocent trust in him. It felt strange, wrong even, to be viewed as a source of comfort. It wasn't the kind of service a demon typically provided; but Sebastian wasn't opposed to it.
When he was sure that Ciel was truly asleep, he gently lowered him back into bed, checked the room one last time for any signs of danger, and left.
The events of the night were never acknowledged during the day, and the next morning, Ciel was back to his cold and stoic self. Sebastian sometimes wondered if he even remembered his nightly terrors. It didn’t much matter either way. Sebastian would always be whatever Ciel needed him to be. It was fine by him to play the formal, detached butler during the day and…whatever it was that he became at night.
After putting Ciel to bed that evening, Sebastian checked the grounds for intruders as usual, and completed a few tasks in the manor before retiring to his room. It was technically his bedroom, but he did not use it to sleep; the bed was unmade, and the room itself was as sparsely furnished as the day he had moved in, save for a pile of books which he had taken from the library. He picked one of these up now and sat down at the desk to peruse it, keeping one ear open for his master’s screams.
No screams came, but at about midnight, he heard something even more astonishing- the pattering of feet along the hall, followed by a knock at the door. It could only be Ciel, as he would have sensed the presence of anybody else in the manor. He wasn’t sure what surprised him more, the fact that Ciel had come to his room, or the fact that he had bothered to knock.
Realising that the child was actually waiting for permission to enter, Sebastian called out, “come in!”
The door creaked open and Ciel’s large eyes peeped in, wearing a sheepish expression.
“Is something wrong, my lord?” asked Sebastian, in a tone of slight concern. He knew nothing could be seriously wrong- the contract would have alerted him if so- but he couldn’t imagine any other reason why the boy would come and find him. The thought of scolding the boy for leaving his bed briefly entered his mind, but he decided it should wait until tomorrow.
Ciel shook his head, stepping fully into the room. “I can’t sleep. I’m not tired.”
“What is it that you’d like me to do, young master?”
“I don’t know. You’re my butler. Think of something.”
Sebastian blinked in bewilderment at the tiny boy who stood in front of him. There was little he couldn’t do when given a direct order, but dealing with a child who didn’t seem to know what he wanted half the time was another matter entirely.
“What’s that you’re reading?” asked Ciel, noticing the book.
“Would you like to come and see?” Ciel came up beside him. “It’s a book on the history of the Roman Empire.”
“Why are you reading that?” Ciel had never had much interest in history.
“I like to be informed about a wide variety of subjects, my lord. Moreover, I spent some time amongst the Romans myself, and I wanted to see how much of it matched up with my memories.”
Ciel’s curiosity about the book had faded as quickly as it had arisen. “Is this what you do all night?”
“Most of the time, yes. When I don’t have other duties to attend to.”
“You never sleep?”
“No, my lord.”
“I wish I didn’t have to sleep.”
“Sleep is most beneficial for your health, young master. I think you should go back to be-”
“I already told you, I’m not tired,” grumbled Ciel. He still stood by Sebastian's side, where he had moved to see the book, but now he turned towards him a little.
Sebastian watched him patiently, wondering what he was supposed to do next. He could tell by Ciel’s bleary eyes that he was actually tired- he just didn’t want to go to sleep, for some reason. He was looking at him with an expression that the butler couldn’t place. It was almost like longing, but for what, Sebastian had no idea. “Is something the matter, my lord?”
“Can I…” Ciel’s voice trailed off and his gaze wandered to the floor.
“You don’t have to ask for anything, young master, you know that. I am here to fulfil your wishes. Simply command of me what you want.”
“I want to…” Ciel’s hands reached out hesitantly, gesturing vaguely at Sebastian’s knees.
Sebastian thought he might understand. “Are you asking to sit on my lap?”
Ciel nodded.
“Certainly, then, my lord.” Sebastian lifted him off his feet like he weighed nothing, and set him down.
What could possibly be the reason for him wanting this? Sebastian’s mind ran through the logical explanations. His master was only a child, although he had been forced to start growing up sooner than he otherwise would have done; there were some parts of him that were mature beyond his years, but in other ways, he was extremely young. He was still small enough to sit on an adult’s lap, and perhaps it was something he had missed ever since the fire. What feeling did it provide for him? Safety? Comfort? Sebastian looked thoughtfully at the top of Ciel’s blue head, wishing he knew what was going on inside it.
In any case, he seemed contented enough on Sebastian's lap, already shifting around to make himself comfortable. Sebastian opened his mouth to tease him, but thought better of it; the child had clearly been embarrassed to ask, and if he made fun of him, he might immediately climb off and never ask again.
Ciel turned his head to see over Sebastian's shoulder, staring around the room. It was the first time he had ever set foot in it since it had belonged to the demon. “Your room is boring, Sebastian.”
Sebastian stifled a chuckle. “Is it, now? What would you suggest I put in it?”
“Maybe you should paint the walls. Everything’s just grey.”
“What colour would you have me paint them, young master?”
“Well, what’s your favourite colour?”
“I can’t say that I have one.”
“You’ve got to have one. If- if you could only wear one colour for the rest of your life, what would you want it to be?”
Sebastian glanced down at his uniform. He was quite fond of his tailcoat. “Black, I suppose.”
The almost pitying look Ciel gave him was hilarious. “You’re so boring.”
Sebastian raised his eyebrows. “I’m boring, am I?” Ciel shrieked as gloved fingers began to wriggle up and down his side, and grabbed hold of Sebastian's hand. Sebastian waited a moment, letting the child think it had stopped him, then suddenly pulled his hand free and tickled Ciel’s other side, making him scream with laughter.
After a few more seconds, Sebastian let up, amused by how Ciel eyed him warily and kept his arms tightly pressed to his sides. “Well, now I know your weakness, don’t I, young master?”
Ciel huffed, and looked away in embarrassment. In truth, Sebastian was astonished by his own playful behaviour. It felt like every day of this contract was bringing out a new side of him he’d never known existed.
The child had slipped sideways while trying to get away from the tickling, which gave Sebastian an idea. Bringing his other arm up, he shifted Ciel into a cradling position, pulling him close to his body. Ciel weakly tried to resist, but then Sebastian was rocking him gently, and he found his eyes closing. After almost a minute, he forced them to reopen, but they immediately closed again. Sebastian watched in fascination as this continued. Why was he fighting against his need for sleep so badly?
Ciel squirmed a little in Sebastian’s arms, trying to find a more comfortable position. Slowly, his body became a dead weight as his muscles relaxed, and his breathing became deeper. He was right on the cusp of sleep now, and Sebastian couldn’t help but smile. He found the child quite cute when he was like this, when all traces of the spoiled brat had melted away.
Just as Ciel was slipping into sleep, however, he suddenly sat bolt upright, crying out in fear. “No!”
“Whatever is the matter, my lord?” asked Sebastian, shocked. Ciel hadn’t even fallen asleep, so it couldn’t have been a nightmare.
“I don’t want to go to sleep.” Tears threatened to spill from his eyes, and he gulped down sobs.
Sebastian thought for a moment. “Did you have a very bad dream last night?”
Ciel nodded, the memory of it finally making tears trickle down his cheeks. He wiped them away with a shaking hand.
“Would you perhaps like to tell me about it, my lord?”
“I-it was just about…that day. But it felt more real than usual.”
Sebastian understood. It wasn’t surprising, really, that the child would come to dread sleep when it dragged him back into the depths of hell night after night.
“It’s not real, my lord. It’s all over now. Come, lie back down.” With some coaxing, Ciel once more relaxed in Sebastian’s arms. “You can go to sleep. It’s all right. I’m here.”
Ciel reluctantly closed his eyes. Sebastian continued to speak softly, repeating those words like a mantra: “I’m here.”
He could feel the boy’s presence becoming weaker and weaker, until he could no longer resist the clutches of sleep. Sebastian wondered what to do. If he put Ciel back in his bed, he would most likely wake up screaming. If Sebastian’s presence was enough to lull the boy into sleep, perhaps it would also be enough to keep him asleep? It was a hassle, but it was worth a try. He shifted Ciel into the crook of one arm, careful not to disturb him with the movement, and turned his attention to his book again.
Far from being a hassle, it was actually the most peaceful night he had had in a while. Ciel was so light that he almost forgot he was there at all, and he didn’t have to anticipate hearing distant screams when his master was right there in his arms. He doubted that Ciel would want this to become a repeated occurrence, but at least the child had experienced one undisturbed night.
When the hands of his watch reached five in the morning and Ciel was sleeping as soundly as ever, Sebastian decided to try putting him back in his bed; he was sure that his arms couldn’t be very comfortable, and he didn’t want the boy to wake up feeling stiff. So he rose carefully and made his way to Ciel’s bedroom.
When he tried to put the boy into bed, however, Ciel made a discontented sound, fingers loosely grabbing at Sebastian’s lapel. He was still sound asleep. Sebastian stood and thought for a moment. The way Ciel always reached for his tailcoat had given him an idea, which would require some dexterity to pull off. But for a butler who could whisk away a tablecloth without disturbing any of the delicate silverware or glasses on it, it was a fairly easy feat to slip out of his tailcoat, wrap it around Ciel and place him onto his bed with hardly a movement.
Ciel’s breath hitched and he rolled onto his side. For a moment, it looked like he might wake up. Then his hand found the lapel of the tailcoat again and he wrapped his fingers around it, holding it to his chest as if it were a favourite teddy bear. It was an amusing picture, and Ciel would no doubt indignantly demand an explanation in the morning.
But there were no screams that night, and that was all that mattered.