Chapter Text
Few things in this world were precious enough to stop time in its tracks. A fleeting feeling of calmness, almost like an adagio that claimed every heartbeat of one’s being. A song which could entrap you in its embrace forever.
Like the heavy moonlight, with blue sterling hues that reminded her of that instant that haunted her entire being. Just like the blue swirl of light that emitted from one soul once it was stolen…. or given away. Said moonlight dared invade her sleep, shaking away an any notion of tranquility she could’ve gathered.
Like the voice in the back of her head telling her everything would be okay. How she was stronger than she ever knew and could be some so much more than she had ever dreamed to be.
A voice unlike her own, whom she knew very well who it belonged to.
And for him she would.
She turned her back on the ample sky view, and the thousands of city lights that twinkled in the distance, beautiful but jarring alike. This was the future she had always prepared herself to live in, the future she- alongside her dear friends- had worked so tirelessly to achieve. The world was finally at peace, and they too could get their well- deserved hiatus.
But it was precisely in these spare moments where she feared for her own mind, as her own thoughts consumed her. Burying herself into what always became a rabbit hole of unanswered questions, unresolved feelings and mixed reactions of anger and despair. Like her mind had yet to grasp the concept of him being gone….as if death was an inconceivable phenomenon to her.
Feelings that were all too familiar crept up her very being, the result of months of repressed thoughts and estranged ideas that she’d forbidden herself to even acknowledge. Sentimental thoughts that served no purpose to her, but that had been growing out of proportion for the past year.
Things she forbid herself from wording out loud. Intimate feelings that echoed from the deepest part of her heart. She closed her eyes, covering herself with her comforter. If she hid from the moonlight… maybe if it couldn’t reach her…. if she didn’t see it. It would mean this wasn’t a reality. That she had been wrong all along, and her mind had just been playing a series of twisted games against her better judgement.
It would mean that maybe, just maybe he was alive and well…. that any moment now that stupid blue fur-ball of his would appear on her bedrest to hand her a note.
One that would mean they could keep on going with their secret meet ups forever. She’d surely meet him, on a rooftop somewhere far, and they would talk for hours on end about their deepest fears and tremors. He’d greet her with that lopsided smile, that the bastard knew made her heart swoon for him. They’d uncover parts of themselves they’d only save for one another. The only other person in existence who could possibly understand. The two would share their hurt and turn it into hope with the lithe touch of their fingers intertwining. A simple look of endearment and the warm feel of his heart thumping that let her know this was precisely where she was always meant to be. That he was alive and happy to be alongside her. That he didn’t need to give his soul away to make her stronger, for in that very moment they shared, everything was precious.
“Jinu…”
Rumi missed him. Terribly so.
But how could she possibly forget, when he haunted her entire existence?
Her subconscious would look for him as she walked down the street, hoping he’d see him amongst the crowd. Sometimes, if she saw a stranger that looked enough like him, she’d follow them for a few streets before reminding herself she was slowly looking her mind.
She’d laugh to herself, like a madwoman.
He was there when she looked in the mirror and saw for brief moments his own reflection in her eyes. (Mira had been on her ass for breaking two bathrooms mirrors so far for no apparent reason.)
Often times she’d smell a slight hint of oak wood in the air. A rustic smell that reminded her of his own musky scent.
But the worst feeling by far was on nights like this, when the markings on her body lit up brightly. Inexplicably adorned by the treacherous moonlight and other shimmers in the sky. If she could concentrate enough, if the tears and her eyes stopped for an instance, she could almost feel him beside her.
She closed her eyes.
A set of arms snaked around her waist. One settling on her mid-riff, the other hand coming up to cup her face as it wiped away her tears gently. Red smoke covered her room, the hands holding her jagged with markings like her own, glistening in purple hues. Her tears worsened. Never opposing to his familiar embrace, she sunk deeper and deeper. Giving herself away to the memory of him.
“Rumi…”
Until darkness overtook her completely.