Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When your daughter came into this world, Suguru’s name should have been on that birth certificate.

When your little girl came out with hair whiter than snow, things got complicated.

Well, Satoru Gojo got complicated. Growing and festering to the point of obsession, things got more than just complicated, they got downright dangerous.

At first, the entire thing was a misunderstanding, costing more in legal fees, court appearances and applications to family court with money you and Suguru just didn’t have. How could you have the energy to go through all that after giving birth and feeding a newborn every two hours?

So for the time being, you left it.

Despite your marriage to Suguru, you and he left it for now.

In legal circumstances, Satoru had parental responsibility over your daughter and not your husband. Satoru was understanding, almost embarrassed of the clerical error and offering money to amend it. In hindsight, you should have taken it, you should have had the issue taken care of so that it was put to bed.

In hindsight.

Suguru understood though heartbroken, it wasn’t his best friends doing. After all, Satoru gave you and Suguru the best gift of all, a beautiful and healthy daughter with the biggest set of lungs.

You and Suguru eagerly discussed Satoru’s proposal to be the sperm donor, long nights agonising over the logistics and practicality of it all. The expenses were one thing, Satoru waived all of them. In honesty, you should have known then and there that he would bring trouble to your doorstep, a weighted presence after he started pushing to see your daughter more than casually and weekly visits evolved to two, or three days respectively.

And then, he started coming around the house when Suguru wasn’t home.

Now, Suguru wasn’t dismissive or wore rose tinted glasses in front of his best friend and wife. He knew there were problems, he just didn’t have the capacity to tackle them on his own with mounting work and that you just didn't want to burden him with more issues.

His mother was a candidate you took gladly so that you weren’t on your own with him. Satoru often played off your fears as instability due to postpartum and hormones. He kept up appearances around everyone who wasn’t you and for a time, Suguru’s mother was besotted with him.

‘Oh, isn’t he wonderful?! Such a good friend and uncle.’ She’d say, even encouraging you to hand your daughter off to him for ‘cuddles’ so she could clean the house and allow you time on your own to shower.

Well, Suguru’s mother’s stay at your house stopped short when she allowed Satoru to watch your daughter while she gardened. He rocked her to sleep and cooed indistinct words with precious forehead kisses.

Around other people, he referred to himself as Uncle Satoru. In only your daughter’s presence, it changed to 'Daddy'.

Suguru’s mother left that night, and things blew up after Suguru wearily took his mother home. The pressure was getting to him, torn between his wife and child, and his best friend who never fully manipulated him, the red flags were there though only subtly in the background. In plain sight but out of mind.

“Are you insane? Stop referring to yourself as her father- you aren’t.”

Satoru followed you up the stairs, teetering on the threshold into the bedroom, leaning so arrogantly that it made you want to rip your hair out more than you already did.

“Y’know, I can’t actually believe you’re still carrying on with this.” His eyes were lidded, more sunken than before like he’d finally given up on pretending.

You didn’t know what was more exhausting.

“I want you out of this house, and you are never to return, do you understand? I don’t care what Suguru will say to it, I don’t care what his mother could say to it- you are not my daughter's father and you never will be.”

“It hurts me every time you say that.”

He stepped through the doorway, you managed to hold your ground for all but five seconds as he skulked closer. You instinctively backed away towards the crib, never taking your eyes off of the predatory aura Satoru soon developed.

“It is true. She’s my baby. Suguru’s daughter-”

“She’s my child too. I’m a part of her- listen.” He moved so fast and snatched your hand, ignoring the reactive scream when he yanked you close, slapping your hand down firmly on his chest. “You feel that? My heartbeat, she has that too- my hair, my fucking eyes for christ's sake. I’m her father and I will be damned if I don’t fulfill that role.”

Your first instinct was to check she was still sleeping, breathing normally amidst your response. Thankfully, she was. “Satoru… we all agreed on this. You agreed that she’d never know who you really were, because all you did was donate your sperm.”

“We agreed that I’d be in her life.” His teeth gritted a fraction and then returned to normal. “But I did more than just jack off in a cup for you to use, I gave her life and you won’t take her away from me. She’ll know who her real father is and I’ll make sure she stays close.”

“We agreed-”

“Shoulda signed a contract, baby. Paperwork can be so finicky, don’t y’think?”

No… No fucking way. “It wasn’t just an error, was it- the birth certificate.”

You were still touching, hand pressed so tight it would cause a rash just pulling away. Satoru’s heartbeat increased right under your fingertips, he didn’t need to tell you to give his game away.

“You forged my signature, didn't you? I don't remember signing that thing. You- you made sure Suguru didn’t have any rights. It was all you.”

If he took your daughter, Suguru couldn’t do a thing. In the eyes of the justice system, he was essentially invisible. A man in her life with no say.

Satoru tilted his head to the side condescendingly enough to startle you. “N’arww, you only just figured it out? I knew you were gonna cut and run as soon as she was born, I needed some insurance. You were so exhausted after the birth, I took matters into my own hands.”

He studied you with a look only your husband gave you when you and he were alone. “You looked so beautiful then, hair stuck to your face and chest rising so quickly like you were terrified. What I loved most was that smile you had when she was born.”

Satoru looked down at your sleeping daughter and brushed her cheek delicately with the most loving smile the man could ever possess. “She has my hair, my eyes, but every time I look at her, she has something I can’t ever replicate. Your smile… She looks more like you than she could ever be like me and that’s what makes her special.”

“Please… Satoru. Leave us alone. I’ll call the police, Suguru won’t just let you do this.”

“Nah, he will. I’ve been breaking him down inch by inch the entire time, he’s pretty much checked out now.”

“What-What are you talking about?” This was when you started to try and pull away from him. “Satrou, what have you done?”

The bastard sounded so sure of himself, that little laugh you often admired before all this churned your stomach. “When he comes in, he’ll find the evidence of our relationship and leave you. I mean, he doesn’t even have a child with you, his ‘daughter’ is another man’s baby.”

“What are you talking about Satoru? There is no- get off of me.” You wanted to shout, scream and curse in his ear until it perforated his eardrum. 

But, your baby girl. Despite being as little as she was, you couldn’t traumatise her and drag her into the mess you had indirectly caused. Why the fuck did you let a close friend be the sperm donor for your baby? Idiotic and foolish. Though you couldn’t take it back now, could you?

“What evidence, there’s no evidence- Satoru, get off me.” 

You pulled again, his grip tightening until his arm was around you. He never moved despite your struggle, a brick wall with an agenda, he lugged you out of the room and covered your mouth.

“Shh, wouldn’t want to wake our precious baby girl now, would you?”

It stung like venom, an aggressive snake striking you over and over until it had dragged you down the stairs and pushed you into the living room. Your breast pump and pillow sat on the coffee table in preparation for feeding, a warm blanket and television remote placed strategically for optimal movement and an undisturbed child.

“What the hell are you doing!” Yanking your arm from his hand, you broke the connection and placed the coffee table between you as some sort of pathetic barricade.

If he wanted through, he was coming regardless.

“Just because we didn’t sleep together to make her, doesn't mean she isn’t mine… But for the next one, we can do it properly-”

“Next one?! I’m six weeks postpartum, you- I’d never let you come near me. Don’t you get it? I’m just not interested. I’m married and love my husband.”

The room couldn’t have been more deafening with throttled silence if you tried. You could hear your heart gush around your ears, too hypersensitive to the baby monitor on the fireplace.

“Do you?” 

Satoru stayed on the threshold again, his back to the hallway blocking your exit back to your daughter's room. How he stood there, like he’d hit a realisation, his shoulders slouched like he had something brewing on his mind.

“Do I what?” You said, thinking of ways to get past him.

The poker by the fireplace. No, he’d get to you faster than you could turn around, snatch it and throw it out the window. Maybe he’d use it on Suguru- no, he loved him despite your trepidations. No way would he go that far, surely? But look how far he has gone. Fuck, I’m an idiot!

“Do you really love him? Like really?” He took one step towards you and put you on a back footing, hitting your spine on the mantle.

What sort of question was that?

“Yes. I do. He’s the kindest person I’ve ever met, I want to spend the rest of my life-”

“Oh c’mon, Suguru can’t even get his wife pregnant, what makes you think he can actually protect you and our daughter?!”

His switch made you flinch, and then he was suddenly just one pace away from your face. “Those wee lil swimmers just aren’t strong enough, are they?”

The topic of Suguru’s fertility was never discussed, only between you and him. It was an unwritten rule. Not only with your health and everything on top, Suguru had questioned his own masculinity, his worthiness as your husband.

Hearing it out loud brought tears to your eyes. “Don’t talk about that-”

You screamed again when he slammed his fist down on the wall by your head, covering your mouth after to stop your sobs was useless. “Sweetie, I guarantee if I fucked you raw, I’d knock you up first try.”

“Satoru… please listen to me. I don’t want to have sex with you, and if I’ve ever given you the impression that I have, I’m sorry. But I do not want that.”

“I never knew why you chose to pursue him and not me… I’m better for you than Suguru, I have always been better for you. Yet you still chose him, even when he couldn’t perform, you never dropped him. It only made me double down.”

“Because I love him- I don’t want you.”

“Maybe not now, but you will eventually.”

It was probably the worst thing you could have said, but it came out so quickly, so confidently. So you ran with it. Your heart jumped when the baby monitor went off, so instinctively you moved without concern only for him to stop you again.

“She’ll be fine. It’s only a hiccup.”

“I still have to go and check on her- I can’t leave her. Please, Satoru.”

Satoru didn’t move at first, and when he did, it was as though he was just waiting for you to make a run for it. “Go, be quick.”

You stormed up the stairs under duress, skipping a step now and then and shot right into the bedroom. Your baby was just fine, only making a smacking sound she always did in her sleep. In one fit of self preservation, you weren’t sure how you moved across the bedroom so fast in reaction to Satoru’s footsteps climbing the stairs, but you did, locking the bedroom door.

The thing was, after having a baby, you sort of developed super hearing, picking up on different breathing patterns your baby went through, knowing when she was about to be overstimulated in public settings which would inevitably result in her crying for hours. You could tell when she was hungry, bored and just in that odd mood when she decided to be a little demon with her eyes closed.

Despite being related by blood and genetics, Satoru knew none of those things, Suguru did. Suguru may not have been able to get you pregnant, but his role as a father was more special than anything.

“Unlock the door.” Satoru banged his fist on the wood. "Unlock the door right now!"

“Get the fuck away from me and my daughter.” Your maternal strength returned. “I’m calling the police and you better be nowhere near here. You will never see her again, do you hear me?!”

Silence.

Nothing but an unsettling and sudden silence.

He must have already left, you still crawled over the bed to get the house phone from the bedside drawer, hands shaking from the adrenaline. A quick rummage before Suguru returned and you could explain everything to him.

One thing though, the phone, it was missing from its usually place. You had no fucking phone.

Satoru's voice oozed through the cracks of the door. "Looking for the phone? You might wanna think about opening the door. Suguru will be home soon."

Chapter Text

“Are ya comin’ out or do I need to come in there?”

Nothing. You said nothing. Weighing up your options until Suguru came back seemed like the best choice, however, this ‘evidence’ Satoru had brought bile to the back of your throat.

Panicked, a word you used rarely, became your new title. Your engorged breasts were starting to sore, pressured by your milk you had to express. Your daughter was a hungry baby, but not hungry enough to drink enough to take the pressure away until your husband returned.

Shit.

“Because I’ll get in there…” Satoru continued, banging what sounded like the phone on the door. A plastic knocking to mock you. “I wouldn’t want to traumatise my lil girl though. I don’t want her being scared of her daddy.”

You weren’t going to fall for that innocent sentiment in his words, in his tone of voice like he was starting to see reason, you weren’t that foolish.

“You’ll need to pump soon, right? I saw it downstairs, did you know it’s bad for you not to while you’re breastfeeding, so much can go wrong and I heard mastitis is painful enough to need antibiotics in some cases, I’d hate to have that whilst also holding a crying baby. And if your milk stops, how are you going to feed her?”

The annoying truth was that he was right. Though it wouldn’t happen right away, not in the time Suguru was gone for. Just another ploy to play on your conscience.

You watched your sleeping daughter, noticing her stir and breathed sharply to catch up and smack her lips so adorably next to the pink crib number.

She was so beautiful.

You called your daughter Sakura for one simple reason, because of the Sakura blossoms overhanging the window as you gave birth. Your favourite flower, their colour seemed perfect to paint her nursery and they were absolute perfection for the little time they spent blooming in Tokyo.

And your daughter was exactly that. Perfect.

How the fuck are we in this mess?

Picking your daughter up, you should have felt shame waking her up, but you didn’t. She was due her feed and overslept, her sleepy eyes still shut, screwed together whilst yawning and stretching to the best of her ability swaddled in her blanket.

"Shh, shh, sorry baby."

“So you’re gonna ignore me now too?” Yes, you were going to ignore him.

Laying her on the bed, you released her from the confines of the pretty pink, knitted swaddle and sat down in the bed with her. If you swapped halfway through she could take the edge off of the milk pressure instead of pumping at the same time.

Teasing her cheek with your finger, she opened her mouth as well as her eyes and latched in without issue. Then came silence, ear splitting silence that should have eased your soul, but it didn’t. You knew Satoru was up to something and couldn’t catch on to what.

Then you did.

How could you have forgotten the open window? Not open by much, but Satoru yanked it by standing on the back porch roof.

Shit, shit, how the fuck could you have been so careless? Your body froze, mouth wide open at his perseverance.

“Get the fuck out-“

“You seriously made me climb through a window to get you to talk to me?”

You could tell he was pissed by the calmness in his voice though laced with a spiteful edge, his eyes flitting from you to your daughter like he was conscious of making a scene big enough to scare her.

“Though I suppose this might be even better. You and me in the bedroom with the door locked. Not sure how you could explain this one away.”

How could you admit that he was right? You wouldn’t ever . But he was. “Suguru won’t believe this, he has a little more trust in me than you think… Sakura is still his daughter, I’m his wife. Give me a little recognition at least.”

You didn’t have the confidence behind your words and Satoru knew that.

“Y’know, I almost went through with tryin’ to convince him not to marry you that day, did you know that?”

Obviously not. Though it still pumped adrenaline from your heart around your body anyway. Like you were guilty of something, or that on the off chance that Suguru might have listened.

“I had this big thing planned, to split you two up. And then Suguru mentioned how you and he were struggling to have a baby… then everything changed.”

You did nothing.

Satoru carried on, sitting down on the bed like he owned it. “I thought, if he left you at the altar, there was no guarantee that you’d see reason and come to me, you had no obligation to… but a baby, well, when a baby is involved, those two people that made the baby are tied together for at least eighteen years. It was the best I could have hoped for.”

The way he looked at you, that cockiness. You wouldn’t forget it for the rest of your life. “It’s permanent.”

“You and Suguru jumped at the opportunity, despite pretending to think it over. You two were so easy to manipulate I almost felt bad."

“So…” You tried to wrap your head around it, adjusting Sakura’s position after she unlatched. “You had this all planned even before you suggested donation? We were married two years before that. Satoru-what the fuck have you done?”

“Now, now, we shouldn’t swear in front of our daughter, what would she think of her mom’s filthy mouth?”

It was sexual, that last bit, the undertones sticking to your throat like an illness. Satoru Gojo wasn’t a virus though, nor bacteria. He was a parasite, latching to you and draining every bit of good you ever had in your life.

“Where are you going?”

You froze, barely moving an inch. “I’m getting up, I need to pee.”

The best excuse you could think of.

“Give her to me, then you can go.”

Gathering some confidence, you stood up with her and came around the bed towards the door. “She’s feeding, if I unlatch her now she’ll scream the place down. I’m taking her with me.”

You walked past him but studied everything from the corner of your eye, like prey anticipating an attack from the side. It never came, he sat there and waited for the lock click of the door and then made his move.

“Give her to me.”

“No.”

“I wanna spend as much time as I can with my daughter seeing as you were so adamant that I wasn’t ever gonna see her again.”

More like, give me your daughter so you can’t run for help because I know you won’t leave without her.

A stalemate.

Like hell were you letting her out of your sight in Satoru’s arms.

“No. If you want her that bad, you’ll have to pry her from my cold, dead arms.” Stepping away from him and facing the window gave you power. “Suguru is going to see what type of person you are, you know that, right?”

It never stopped every alarm bell in your gut screaming at you to turn around and keep your eyes in him at all times. But as a man who turned to doing the most unsettling things to have access to a baby he just happened to be related to, you took a chance that he wouldn’t hurt you or act impulsively at least until Sakura was sleeping back in her crib.

His deafening and deranged silence confirmed your theory.

“Y’think I’d hurt you?”

You didn’t dignify him with a response. The bastard dragged you down the stairs not ten minutes ago, of course he had the potential. It was the power dynamic that churned your stomach.

He could absolutely obliterate you if he wanted.

“Yes.”

Turning, you saw a hurt expression on his face, eyebrows dipped in hurt. He had sat back down on the bed, knees spread wide as he leant on them, presumably for support but that would have been a well calculated ruse. He’d planned everything else to the letter so far, worming his way in from being the friend of the family, to the legal father of your daughter on paper.

He’d arranged everything. Why was he looking so unsettled now?

“Baby, I wouldn’t ever hurt you. I want to have this family with you, have more family with you. Look how beautiful our baby girl is, you can’t tell me that you haven’t thought about another one.”

No, you had not thought about having another fucking baby. Sakura was six weeks old, you were barely cleared to have sex again to which you had no desire for just yet. The option of another baby sat right down the bottom of your non-existent list, to be forgotten about until years down the line once you’d wrapped your head around the baby you and Suguru were currently struggling with.

“I can give you that without the tubes and the uncomfortable waiting around until you ovulate and sitting on that cold table while they put my come inside of you. We can just cut the middle man out, I know you’ll enjoy it…” His expression darkened with disdain. “Suguru can’t. I don’t see how that isn’t a no brainer for you.”

You gave yourself privacy and unlatched your daughter, swapping her over to your other breast. Her lidded eyes looked up into space, getting milk drunk and embracing the comfort of food and your body warmth. 

“Someone’s worth isn’t weighed out by their fertility, or their ability to produce children, Satoru. I value Suguru because he is kind, he makes me feel so special-“

“I can do that, you just have to give me a chance-“

“I don’t want to!” All you could do was whisper-shout at him to get him to back off. “All I wanted was a happy and calm life, and you’re ruining it! I was happy you being in Sakura’s life as her uncle and nothing more. We agreed that was the best way forward. We knew at some point in her life that she’ll work it out eventually just by your hair, but that is something we’ll deal with then and not now!”

Now, he said nothing.

You took your opportunity to carry on. “What you did for us is something me and Suguru will never fully be able to repay, but I think we’ve let you in enough to say thank you. So all I want is for you to leave us alone- I’ll even let you come and see her now and then under supervision if you leave now and clear up the mess you left behind, and sort out the birth certificate… but if you don’t… I’m going to burn your world.”

That was a new mother's guarantee.

Having a baby set off chemical triggers in your own brain, that you’d fight tooth and nail for your baby girl despite your exhaustion and ensure no one was left to break any pieces of her life. And if push came to shove, you’d fight the man in front of you and go down doing it. You had no way of winning, but hoped that there was some ‘new mother adrenaline’ or something to help you along.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere, that is non negotiable. But I think it’s time to stop fucking around now and make your choice. Tick tock, tick tock.”

“I’m not-“

“I fucking love you- are you so blind that you never saw that?”

“No you don’t-“

“I do. I stayed and watched you the entire time when Sakura was born, because there was no way that I’d miss my daughter's birth. Do you know how agonising it was not being able to go in there and hold your hand, but a man who isn't even related got to?” He got up and paced like a wild animal.

“To comfort you and place a cool flannel on your head, or-or being there when you named her and held her for the first time? I had to watch it all through a little window and you didn’t even care.”

What the fuck? He was there the entire time?

How on earth could you approach this? “Satoru-“

“I hovered by that hospital door, wracking my brain, worried for your health and I couldn’t do anything to help. It was like crawling through glass hoping none of it embeds itself into my skin. Making marks on my body and hoping it wouldn’t scar- but I’d let you scar me.”

Where had this sudden desperation come from? You weren’t certain, but you were not going to fold to it either. If Satoru was having issues coming to terms with such things, he needed professional help.

“Satoru, listen to yourself-“

“I am, for the first time my mind is clear.” He stepped towards you a little too enthusiastically, there was nowhere for you to move away. “I love you and my mind is clear. Suguru has to go so we be together, you just need to take that chance.”

“I will not.”

And then came the dreaded sound, clear as day and Satoru heard it too.

“I’m home!” Suguru’s weary yet distinct voice called from the closing front door.

Satoru was much closer now and took advantage of the distraction. “Oh, I guess your time is up. You wanna take a chance and see if your dear husband will believe you over me? Or do you want this all to go away? You just have to let me in.”

Endure what was to come, or lie about it for no reason what so ever.

Nope. A no brainer. You were doubling down.

Fuck Satoru Gojo.

And fuck all of the lies he was going to tell.

Chapter Text

“So, how do you want to play this?” Satoru kept himself between you and the door.

Suguru called again, stealing your attention for just a second. Satoru stepped towards you like a ghost, no sound, nor breaths to distract you until he was so close it startled you. Sakura had stopped drinking, her eyes rolled back in a drunken state and began chewing on your nipple. You didn’t want to pull away with Satoru in eye shot like this.

“I think she’s finished.” He said, noticing her mouth stop moving almost immediately as you felt it. “Maybe put her to bed and we can go and talk to Suguru together, hm?”

You were not unlatching your daughter in front of him. Just how many times had he watched you breastfeed, noticing the little signs of Sakura’s behaviour that even Suguru couldn’t keep up with?

Now, you weren’t shy about breastfeeding like you thought you might have been, happy to feed your daughter with anyone in the room, and pumped without shame while your own mother-in-law sat next to you watching a movie. More out of pure exhaustion than confidence to feed your child, Sakura was hungry more than usual and cluster fed.

“He isn’t going to believe you, Satoru.” You said, holding firm.

“You wanna test that theory out? All the messages between us and visits while Suguru’s at work, y’think his resolve is that strong?”

If he referred to the messages you and he would swap occasionally, more so that not it was regarding Suguru, or at a rare chance, asking him to pick something up for your daughter from the store. Nothing remotely suggestive or romantic in nature to even put a thought in Suguru’s head.

When you didn’t say anything, the corner of Satoru’s mouth twitched into a small yet deranged half smile. “You’re doubting him, aren’t you?”

“Honey, where are you?!” Suguru called again, sensing the bass in his voice, he was either near, or in the kitchen by now.

“Coming!” What else could you do?

“Put our baby in her crib, let’s go.” Satoru slipped off his shirt and balled it up in his hand.

“What the hell are you doing?” You jerked away from him, taking the opportunity to unlatch your daughter and cover yourself up before heading for the bedroom door. “Put your fucking shirt back on- I’m taking her with me, I'm not leaving her up here on her own.”

Satoru huffed and somehow let you walk away from him and open the door with the baby still in your arms. The sound was more like he knew how this would go and the mistake you were making was huge. A noise of condescending proportions.

You did not care.

Holding Sakura close, you bopped down the stairs, wanting to run but afraid to wake the predatory animal behind you into a run for the hunt. You hoped Suguru would greet you from the kitchen, but he sat with his back to the doorway. A large envelope addressed to him in Satoru’s handwriting, trembling in his hand, and a wad of paper in the other.

“Suguru?” Your relief never stayed long, not at the sight of large captured screenshots glaring back at him. “...Suguru.”

Satoru came in, and hurried to pull his shirt on just as Suguru looked up and noticed him, his eyes were swollen, exhausted and getting bloodshot before your eyes in real time. He looked back and shuffled through the pages, blinking everything positive away from his eyes with silent breaths.

“Is this true?”

Sakura stirred in your arms and settled back down with comforting pats to her bottom. You used the repetitive motion to ground you before your words burned away on your tongue.

“Suguru-”

“Listen, Suguru.” Satoru cut you off. “There’s something we need to tell you.”

You shook your head like it was supposed to fight your corner all on its own. “Don’t listen to him- Suguru, put those down.”

Satoru grinned at you behind his best friend's back, adjusting his shirt like some horrific victory lap. His eyes stayed trained on you the way a bloodhound would after they found the scent they tore the room apart for. “Suguru, I had to come clean about us, because we’re planning on running away-”

“What the fuck?!” How could you control yourself with a terrifying reveal like that?

Satoru placed his finger to his lips to silence you, and it almost worked. “But… wait- no, I won’t be quiet. This is ridiculous" You moved over so you were visible in Suguru’s line of sight. “Don’t listen to this bullshit, Suguru. He’s lying-”

“I always thought there was something going on with you two. I just couldn’t prove it.”

What?

The ground swayed beneath the soles of your feet before you could breathe. You couldn’t breathe, not even with your daughter on your chest like she was, not the rhythmic patting to keep her calm, not the sweet little breaths from her throat.

Suguru believed Satoru.

Your husband suspected and never told you.

He believed his best friend. Not you.

You wanted to see the screenshots, see what they said and tear them up along with the inaccuracies. Nothing on that page could have been true, there was nothing to admit truth about. You were never once unfaithful. Ever.

Satoru approached Suguru with a look you’d never seen from him before. Utter guilt. “I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you sooner, but she wanted to keep it quiet. Even now she keeps denying it, but I can’t do it to you anymore. We grew up together and I needed you to know.”

How could everything fall apart between your fingers? You wanted to lay down, to slump on a chair and cry from tears you were holding back. Was this why he wanted you to keep Sakura in her crib? To keep her from falling if you passed out?

Nothing but control, no care involved.

“Suguru…” You said, letting your tears fall down your cheeks freely. “Don’t believe it-”

“My wife, and my best friend.” Suguru sighed with exhaustion, like he was ready to give up. “It’s sort of poetic, really. My daughter isn’t related to me, but my wife’s affair partner. You two just didn’t sleep with each other to make her- well, maybe you did.”

Shaking your head became a second nature you wanted to forget the muscle memory. “Suguru we never did anything-”

He held up his hand to silence you. “Satoru, can you come back tomorrow? I’d like to talk to my wife, we’ll talk over things tomorrow… If you stay, I’m afraid that I’ll do something I’ll regret, and I don’t want to put you in the hospital right now.”

Satoru almost laughed, covering his mouth quickly to prevent it, all the while watching you and not his supposed best friend. “Alright… I’ll come by in the morning- look I’m sorry, I just had to do right by you when all this time I’d done wrong. I know you’ll never forgive me, but I need to make things right.”

“Just go.” Suguru waved him off and paid his attention to you. “Go upstairs, and put Sakura to bed and we’ll talk about this.”

Were you going insane, hallucinating or drunk? Suguru was an intelligent man, and he was just believing this bullshit as though it was gospel.

“Suguru-”

“Take her up to bed. I’ll be right up.”

You should have said no, stopped your feet from moving, but they were going without your brain telling them to. It left your mouth agape, unable to pay attention to anything around you until Satoru pulled you from it and stopped you in your tracks.

He whispered, but it was just loud enough that Suguru must have picked up on it. “Don’t worry, we’ll get this all sorted out, baby. Call me if you need anything.”

Whispering back was a result of psychological warfare. “Stay the fuck away from me and my daughter.”

You stormed off, stomping up the stairs unable to comprehend what just happened. Your husband suspected you of having an affair with his best friend, he believed it.

Sakura rested heavily on your chest, still and relaxed. When you reached the bedroom you took her right over to her crib and swadded her, pulling the pink fabric over her arms and legs, wrapping her up like a little potato and settled her in until she needed feeding again.

Then, you inhaled, struggling for air of the long drawn breath you had forgotten to take. You covered your mouth and sobbed into it, silently. The bed never felt so empty, hard and haggard, you sat down on it with a short bounce.

Your husband believed that you were cheating on him.

How do we come back from that? Can we even come back from this?

Satoru had ruined everything, every positively warm memory, each moment around your daughter, your marriage, your life. And your precious little girl knew nothing of it.

What if Suguru wanted to split up and divorce? She’d spend her life having two homes, two Christmases, two birthdays. No good memories with her mom and dad together because it became shadowed over the ghost of an affair that never happened.

She’d find out that Satoru was her biological father.

You rushed from the bed towards the bathroom, slipping through the bedroom door and barely making it over the toilet when you vomited. Panicking to pull your hair back, you wretched and hyperventilated, your life falling apart just as easily as the bile leaving your mouth. Everything hadn’t just fallen apart in a single evening, or a few weeks, maybe even months and you never knew.

You never knew.

I never knew anything.

When there was nothing left to bring up, you barely brushed your teeth and cleaned your face, noting how puffy your eyes were. No amount of makeup would cover it enough to stop your skin looking half dead.

“Oh my god-” You don’t know why, but you didn’t actually anticipate Suguru coming up like he said.

He sat on your side of the bed, watching his daughter sleep. You stood in the doorway unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to think.

“Come and sit next to me.” He said, patting the bed halfheartedly, about as much effort as he could muster.

“Suguru-“

“Please.”

You held your breath, padding over to bed to sit down with the pit of your stomach in your knees. The springs in the bed creaked under your weight, judging you for nonexistent actions and lies in Satoru’s web.

It was bullshit that you even had to defend yourself. “Suguru, what he said- the screenshots, all of its lies. Nothing happened.”

“I know.”

“He’s delusional and he- wait, what?”

“I know you’re telling the truth, honey.”

You sat there in a state of shock, holding yet another breath, another string of words you couldn’t quite get off your chest and lingered in your throat.

Suguru took your hand lovingly in his, keeping his tired eyes in the baby, blinking slow enough that his aching eyes began to weep.

“I'll be honest in saying I did suspect, and I’ll live with that guilt for the rest of my life for not trusting you, but I’m so tired… so exhausted… It was so difficult not letting those thoughts in.”

Despite Suguru’s explanation, you couldn’t shake away the sharp stab, a little shard of your heart chipping away. “I hope you know that I’d never do something so horrible.”

“I know, I know you wouldn’t… I should have seen this coming, the way Satoru was acting around you in the beginning- you were so oblivious to it. I just hoped he’d moved on, and for a while I thought he had.”

“What do you mean?” It was only after Sakura was born that things escalated.

Six weeks wasn’t long, but to a sleep deprived new mother, it may as well have been six years.

“The way he looked at you when we first started going out, he thought I never saw it, that I wasn’t paying attention, but I was. Then it stopped and I thought it was the end of that. But it hadn’t.”

This whole time. This whole fucking time, Satoru had his eye on you and you never knew. Well, how could you? It wasn’t like you were looking at him a whole lot. 

You remembered sitting there, meeting Satoru for the first time, meeting all of Suguru’s friends for the first time. Being nervous as hell, wiping your sweaty palms on your jeans before greeting them. Satoru pulled you into a hug and no one corrected it, you chalked it up to being his regular behaviour.

Now, you couldn’t tell his own baseline.

“I never knew he watched me like that.”

Unsettling was an understatement, a poor use of the word. You thought of each interaction you could remember with Satoru being the main focus and never saw anything before Sakura’s birth of notoriety.

“I just ignored it, I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.” Suguru finally made eye contact, squeezing your hand with a firmness you felt safe in. “If I had, then maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“You didn’t know he was like this.”

He gave an amused huff in response. “Didn’t I?”

“What do you mean?”

Suguru cleared his throat and adjusted himself uncomfortably to avert his gaze from you once again. “Satoru had a girlfriend maybe two years before I met you. She was lovely, kind, and had a tendency to see the best in others… until she left him, after that, she told the friend group that he tried baby trapping her while they were together and was stalking her after the break up.”

Baby trapping? It was all beginning to make sense. But stalking a girl… what the fuck was he capable of?

“So… you pulled him up on that, right?”

He shook his head slowly, so much regret over his eyes. “He played it off, said she was unstable and needed help. He said she cheated on him and ran off with this prick on the other side of the country… but now I’m doubting what is true and what isn’t. Not after the way he spoke to you.”

“You heard?”

“Well, after I suspected you two were-“ He stopped himself from saying it. “I put a recorder in the bedroom, because I wanted to get proof- please don’t think bad of me- I didn’t know what to do.”

“I don’t judge you for it, love. But what I’m confused about is why you thought I was messing around in the first place.”

Suguru ran his fingertip over the edge of Sakura's little nose, she sucked lips together. “It was all Satoru, he would act strange when I got back from work while you were up putting Sakura to sleep, or he’d pay you a compliment out of ear shot. And then I found your underwear in his car, he shoved it in his pocket when I brought it up and he said that he’d been seeing someone new.”

It unsettled you to even ask. “How did you know they were mine?”

He sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose as though to prepare himself. “They were part of the set I bought you for our anniversary last year.”

You gasped, covering your mouth so as to not wake your daughter up. The missing underwear you thought you misplaced, never suspected that they were stolen. Satoru had been rifling through your underwear drawer. That man had touched your intimate clothing, looked at everything else that you had stashed away in there, like your adult toys and spare lube when nights got steamy. Satoru had seen it all.

Fuck- fucking fuck.

“What do we do, Suguru? This is fucked up.”

"Fuck... why did he do this to me? to us? He was my ride or die." Suguru turned to you, closer than he had been before, A saddened gaze and caressing your cheek to settle you. “We’ll need to play him at his own game… I won’t allow him to tear our family apart, even if he was my best friend."

You knew then, that the amount of effort it would have taken to just get Suguru’s name on the birth certificate was less than what was to come.

Why didn’t we just get it changed like we wanted to?

Even if you did, something told you Satoru wouldn’t have just rolled over if you actually went through with it.

He was more insidious than that.

Chapter Text

You never recoiled from Suguru’s suggestion, but you may as well have. “How do you plan to do that?”

Suguru cleared his throat and blinked rapidly to psyche himself up to even speak it. You were unsure, searching his eyes for something unspoken.

“Well, I’ll need to speak with Satoru first.” The whole idea of it made him want to vomit. “See what his mindset is. It’ll determine how far he’ll go.”

“I don’t know what to think. You think he’ll-“

“I’m not sure, but if what his ex said was true, I need to prioritise your safety, our daughter’s safety.”

Satoru was calculated, according to his ex. She feared for her safety and he played it off like she just wanted to cause drama. He made it believable.

It riddled Suguru’s guilt and would do so for the rest of his life.

Just like how he convinced Suguru’s mother that you were struggling after Sakura’s birth. Suguru ruminated on his conversation with his mom in the car and knew he had to bring it up to you “To be honest, he’s already digging his hooks in. My mom thinks you’re displaying signs of postpartum depression. That’s because Satoru’s making signs to find.”

“I knew it… She never outright said anything to me, but I knew. She was always finding some reason to have the baby and offering me time on my own, always complimenting Satoru’s behaviour.” You lowered your voice. “I overheard her in the kitchen once, saying that I needed the extra help and that he was perfect for it. If I wasn’t with you, she’d be happy if it was someone like him. She was unknowingly encouraging him.”

Suguru clenched his fist, breathing in through his nose so he didn’t speak ill of his mother. He knew she meant well, he did. But she was far too short sighted when it came to taking things at face value. All she did was inflate Satoru’s ego, gifting rose tinted glasses with a new prescription.

“My mother doesn’t know anything about our relationship. She shouldn’t be commenting on who she thinks is suitable for you. Satoru isn’t suitable for you.”

“Don’t I know it.” You said, giving a little exasperated huff and laying down on the bed. “I never listened to it, but it always struck a nerve in me when I thought that he was up to something. But I just didn’t think it would be this bad… She handed our daughter to him, Suguru. He kept telling her he was her dad and whisked her away up here like he knows what’s best- we want what’s best for her, not him.”

Suguru followed suit, feeling your indentation on the mattress. “He only thinks about himself. He doesn’t know what it takes to raise a baby. Not the late night feedings, the early wake up calls and constant crying because she’s hungry. Seeing the pain and upset you were in…” Suguru couldn’t be prouder for birthing his daughter the way you did. “Satoru wouldn’t last a week swapping places with us, he’s far too vain to take that responsibility.”

“Yet here we are… he really thinks he has a right to her. He forged my signature- what the hell are we going to do?” 

Suguru had his reservations. “Now, I know he did… I just, I never wanted to bring it up incase I was wrong.”

“What do you mean?” You propped yourself up onto your elbow.

“I had a suspicion he did something to Sakura’s birth certificate, but I was so involved with you, I didn’t look into it as thoroughly as I should have. I wanted to ask you, but you were so out of it. I know I should have chased it, but you had just given birth, you needed me. Paperwork could come after, and now it’s just snowballed.”

“You had an idea back then, and never told me-“

Suguru held his hand up to defend himself. “You’re exhausted, honey. We’re both exhausted, I didn’t want to worry you if I was wrong about things. I wanted to keep the house as calm as I could.” Suguru buried his face into his hands, shamefully hiding himself. “All I’ve done is make things worse.”

“No… no, I don’t think you have. It's just a shitty situation.”

Suguru listened to what Satoru said to you. About the wedding and after that. He knew you’d bring it up.

He wasn't sure what to contribute, and you continued. “He had this planned long ago. I doubt anything you did changed that… would you really have listened to him if he tried to get you to leave me at the altar?”

“No, honey.” He sat up and held both your hands, pulling you up with him. “Never. I love you too much for someone to come between us. I knew you were the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the minute we first met.”

Purely by accident. Each date stood the other up. You and Suguru had dinner together instead.

“It was a pretty interesting first date, huh?” You smiled though it had a hint of sadness behind it.

“The best date. I’m glad I was stood up, otherwise I never would have met you. I never would have had the life I do and the perfect daughter was blessed with.”

You hung on his every word, ignoring the dark bags under your eyes that pushed for sleep. You should have been sleeping right now, resting before Sauka’s next feeding because you hadn’t pumped more milk. Suguru noticed the unused breast pump on the coffee table, never wanting to freeze your milk despite the doctor's reassurance, only fresh. You must have been sore, yet you sat there watching him like you did on the first date.

“You always know how to say the right things, don’t you? Always know how to make me feel safe.”

When you kissed him, he kissed you back as was his instinct, caressing your cheek delicately like anything near feverish would wake the baby.

“I say what’s true, honey. You make me feel just as safe… don’t worry about all this tonight. I’ll speak to him in the morning.”

“It’s Saturday tomorrow, I’m supposed to go to my mom’s, I don’t want to leave you here on your own.”

“No, you should go, keep going too. It’s a sense of normality for you and Sakura. She might ask questions if you suddenly stop going, let’s not involve anyone else unless we have to. I’ll be alright.”

You weren’t entirely convinced. “Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

Sakura stirred, wriggling about with the biggest yawn Suguru had ever seen. Her eyes blinked open for a moment and closed again, sleeping so peacefully amidst the trouble and drama he wanted her to know none of.

My beautiful girl.

He already knew what time it was based off of your weary sigh. “She'll be getting hungry again, I was so stressed earlier, she mustn’t have drunk as much as I thought.”

“Are you planning to pump tonight? I can feed her.”

Suguru picked up his little bundle of joy from the crib and laid her down on the bed to undo her swaddle. He took in these little moments when he could, knowing she’d be out of the cute patterned material soon like a big girl.

Six weeks and she’s already growing up too fast.

You glanced at the clock on the wall. “Nah, it’s too late now, I’ll just lay down with her for a while and let her feed while I decompress.”

He nodded, scooping up his little girl in his arms and rocked her gently. “Get tucked in, I’ll put a movie on.  Let’s take back the rest of the night.”

She watched him as her eyes opened, her slender little fingers so soft around his thumb, fingernails still new and perfect.

His little girl.

My little girl.

A mantra Suguru repeated when Satoru came back to the house after you had left for your mom’s that lunchtime. He paced around the kitchen, deep breaths and deeper words to keep himself from throttle if the man over the kitchen island as Satoru hesitantly stepped over the threshold.

“Tell me, Satoru… why her? What happened?”

He actually gave Suguru a look of pity. “It sorta just happened. You were at work more, she needed a friend, and I was there for her.”

Bullshit. Suguru worked from home two days a week, he worked for a tech company, the pay was good, the hours even better. Okay, he wasn’t home all the time, but the fact of the matter was that Satoru was blatantly lying.

It took everything for his tongue to stay put in his mouth and not throw real accusations his way for the time being.

“It just happened? That’s a bullshit excuse. That’s my wife. The love of my life and you knew that. So, I’ll ask again… why her? Do you love her?”

“I do.” He answered a little too eagerly.

“Why? How long?”

“For me? Around the time I donated, but for her, much later. She initiated it, actually. I wanted to keep away, because you’re like a brother to me, but I love her, Suguru. And the ‘why’, because I’m drawn to her, I’m finding myself obsessed with the thought of us being’ a family.”

Suguru’s fists shook, they held still to control themselves, he looked away from him to keep his interests aligned. For the bigger picture, not the ‘now’.

“We were a family, Satoru. My wife and daughter. You didn’t have any place in that little circle. So why did you shit all over it?”

Satoru tried to stifle his scoff, one that was misaligned and misplaced. “Sakura is my daughter, by blood. She came from me and her.” He said your name with such certainty.

He moved on over to the wall, leaning against it and slumping. “I was happy donating because it was for you, but the more time went on,” your name left Satoru’s lips again. “When she started showing, the way she wore her baby bump, how beautiful she was gettin’… and when Sakura was born, I knew I didn’t want to be away from her- from either of them. I refuse to be away from either of them, Suguru.”

“Satoru, she’s my wife. Sakura might not be my child biologically, but she’s my daughter. She’ll always be my daughter. She came from the person I love the most, despite everything she’s done.”

It broke his heart even suggesting you’d been unfaithful just to fit Satoru’s narrative until he had a solid plan on his mind to work things out.

“You don’t have a leg to stand on, Suguru. My name is on the birth certificate.” Satoru’s voice dipped and lowered an octave. “Nothing you do can change that. And your wife wants to be with me. So where does that put us? You can’t keep me away if that’s the route you wanna go down.”

Suguru blinked, understanding right then and there where Satoru’s mindset was.

Deranged.

Deluded.

To be approached with caution.

“You were my friend, my best friend. How could you do this to me?” 

Suguru wasn’t asking Satoru about infidelity. No, it went deeper than that.

“I told you, it just sorta happened, we never meant to let it get this far- she at her mom’s?” He was preoccupied, like the matter was already resolved.

Bastard.

“She wants to be on her own for a few days. We argued last night, leave her be, just leave us be until we can work through things-“

Bad mistake. Big misuse of words.

Satoru laughed, he fucking laughed. “She doesn’t wanna work through things! She’s already told me she plans on leaving you, so just do it already!”

Then, Suguru let slip something. A possibility you and he would have to conspire with each other to make believable. He just didn’t want to do it. 

“We are going to try. Otherwise I’m asking for a divorce.”

Words he never thought he’d ever say, even though they were make-believe to push Satoru in a corner, right where Suguru wanted him.

Chapter Text

Your phone dinged. A message from your husband.

Suguru: Had to bring up divorce. He wouldn't let it go, I think he might come to you. It’s worse than I thought. Do you need me?

Realising what Suguru predicted came true, you messaged back.

You: No, I’ll be fine. I’ll talk to my mom. I’ll call you after. It’ll be fine.

So, Satoru must have taken the bait Suguru planned on hooking him with. Get him riled up enough to take his mind off of the main objective. To get him away from you and Sakura for good.

Going to the police would do nothing about a donor father with no contract wanting to see his daughter, and a man who held no parental responsibility over Sakura wanting that no contact to hold water.

A long drawn out process with an almost guaranteed ending.

Satoru could win it.

Worse than he thought. What could that even mean?

“Mom, can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course, darling. What is it?” She held your daughter close, snuggling into her on the armchair while a movie played in the background.

“Something’s happened and I need you to play along if you can.” You set your phone down and sat forward with an air of seriousness you had to train yourself to keep up and maintain.

“Is Suguru alright- is he safe?”

You nodded. “He’s alright, it’s his friend. You remember Satoru?”

“I do.” She disapproved of him clearly, like she already knew. “What’s he done?”

“So, apparently he’s in love with me and he wants to be in Sakura’s life as her father. Not a donor.”

She tutted, sitting forward to grab the bottle from the side table to feed the baby. “I knew it- I just knew it. I saw the way he looked at you at the wedding, I should have said something then- I should have said something-“

“It’s fine, mom.”

“You all agreed that he would donate to bring this little angel into the world and that’s it, then he has his name on the birth certificate and all of a sudden he’s causing issues.”

Burying your head in your hand only emphasised how fucked up it all was, like you had some clarity with blinkers on. “I know. I never thought he’d do anything so hurtful to Suguru.”

You stood up in a test to calm her down while she fed Sakura, her face getting red with a quiet anger. “What do you need me to do, sweetheart?”

“Well, I think he’s coming over- before you say no, that’s why we need you to play along with it. He’s dangerous, mom. Suguru told me to be careful, we can’t go all hardheaded with this. He reckons we can manipulate him enough to get everything reversed. The birth certificate, his involvement- but we need to get his guard down first. So please just play along for now, happy smiles if you see him.”

“Fucking hell.” She swore under her breath, standing up with you and swaying side to side instinctively. “What happens then?”

“Suguru’s told him think we’re going through with divorce, Satoru tried making him think we wanted to run off together, that there’s some weird relationship between us when there isn’t-“ You never meant to gasp audibly, but you did.

The doorbell rang, followed by a frantic knocking. “It must be him. Mom, take her upstairs and keep away for now. Please, just do this for me, I won’t bring any more trouble to your door, I promise.”

She approached you and pinched your cheek like she always did when you were a child. “Baby, nothing you could do would be trouble. Call me if you need me and I’ll throw him out, okay?”

You believed every word of that too. Your mom was a powerhouse to be reckoned with when she, or her family were threatened. A mama bear of sorts that would crush the entire forest just to keep the house from falling down.

“Alright-coming!”

The door knocked again, your mom trudged upstairs with the baby and you waited until she was out of sight much to Satoru’s dismay. You knew it was him just by his silhouette.

“Can you be any louder? I have a sleeping baby.”

Satoru pushed past you and stepped into the hallway, looking around the house like he’d never been there before.

“He wants a divorce. Then we can be together, no sneakin’ around. A real couple.” The creep was smiling like it was good news.

Time to act. Ugh, fucking hell.

“No, he said he’d consider it if we couldn’t work things out.” You slammed the door and stormed past him back to the living room. “I might end up losing this marriage because he thinks I cheated on him, Satoru. That is all your on actions. You did this to me, you’ve ruined my life. Suguru’s life .”

He shrugged nonchalantly, disbelieving your words. “I haven’t ruined anything. I’m the one you should have been with in the first place- look at the beautiful baby we made together. We would already be on our second by now if you chose me. So why didn’t you?”

“What do you mean?” It clicked for you immediately.

Satoru was worse than Suguru thought. Utterly delusional.

You chose to ignore the second child comment, getting into it now feeling like a brood mare would shake your confidence to put Satoru into his self made trap. You trusted Suguru, you knew he relied on his gut.

'Trust your husband'. Your new mantra.

“You know what I mean.” His voice dropped an octave. 

“I’m not talking about Suguru’s fertility here, Satoru- what do you mean?”

Satoru’s movements were erratic, jittery until he came right to you, snatching your hand in his to slip your wedding band off.

“Stop that- give it back, Satoru!” 

You’d never taken it off, not since the day Suguru slid it right on your fingers during his vows.

“What I mean is, why did you choose him, when I was right there all along? We’re perfect for eachother, made for eachother. Look at how our fingers fit together.”

He laced his fingers with yours, your back pressed against the wall you hadn’t realised you were up against. You eyed the gold band between his thumb and index finger as though he'd toss it away down a drain or sink that you'd never get back.

“Satoru… give me my ring back.” 

Self preservation, yes. But your ring was off limits.

"You're getting' divorced, do you really still need this?" He said, dipping his head closer to you. "Tell me why."

“I do- I do need that. Give me my ring back and I’ll tell you.”

A stalemate. A staring competition.

Satoru never moved, he gave no indication he was even thinking about giving it back. You begrudged the intrusive thought that he might keep it and would never return it, he must have known Suguru had it engraved.

He held onto those rings at the ceremony.

“Fine.” He kept still, his tone a little sore. “Take it back, for now. But I want an answer.”

Once you slid the cool band back onto your finger, you watched it glisten in natural light, sitting in its rightful place.

What the hell do I say?

“I fell in love with Suguru immediately. I never met you until a few months later. Though, if we met before, I honestly don’t know… but how you’re treating me right now, I’d say I made the right choice.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Satoru leaned in closer, his pine cologne meeting your nose that overpowered you.

“It means that you aren’t being the least bit nice to me. Quite frankly, you’re scaring me, and I don’t want to be around someone who does that.”

You tried to move, to get past him. Satoru blocked your way, gripping onto your shoulders and holding you in place like a petulant child.

“Fine.” The word, though most certainly a threat, growled in his throat. “I didn’t want to tell you this, because I knew it would hurt you. But I can’t see any reason to keep this away from you anymore…"

"What do you mean?" You regretted asking that.

"When I tell you this, you'll understand that what I'm doing right now isn't hurting you. I'm just trying to make you realised what good we can have if you weren't so stubborn." Satoru dragged his hand down his face and looked away for a brief second. "Suguru cheated on you.”

“N-No... What?”

It was almost believable, you nearly took that bait hook line and sinker. ‘He might try anything to get you on side. Don’t fall for it. Whatever he might say, we can talk it over when you’re home. But take everything he says with a pinch of salt.’ Suguru said this morning before you left.

Satoru planned for this.

“Y’know when he said he was on business last year to attend that convention for the weekend, while you were pregnant? He was with his secretary, he didn’t even attend it that weekend.”

Manami, so believable too. She was pretty, young and had a tendency to dress in skirts a little two short. But she was the most loyal member of Suguru’s staff he had.

She was your bridesmaid for fuck’s sake.

She was also at the office during that time. 

How did you know that? Because you had lunch with her on the Saturday and video called Suguru the night before. You remembered the layout of the hotel room by memory and saw the vast amount of photos on social media of that convention, Suguru went through each one with you, he’d just landed a big client.

Satoru’s words were bullshit.

Still, you played your part. “He wouldn’t do that. Suguru wouldn’t do that to me, just like I wouldn’t do that to him either.”

“Hate to break it to ya, baby. But he did. You wanna change your answer now?”

“I just-“

He walked you back again until you were flat against the wall. “I’m faithful, reliable and I would never hurt you or our daughter. Our daughter. I’ll always be there for you. I mean, where is Suguru right now? He’s not exactly trying to win your affection now, is he?”

“Suguru is… Satoru, just drop it- I want to fix this. You aren’t helping! Get off of me, I want you to go.”

Satoru shook his head, determined to stay. “I won’t stop loving you, I can’t stop this. I want us to be a family and I’ll fight for it if need be. Once suguru is out of the picture we can be together. I want you to give me a chance, at least. And I’ll show you how good I am for you.”

You were utterly speechless. “Satoru…”

“From the minute I realised I wanted you to be mine, I knew I wouldn’t stop until you were.” He pulled your hand to his chest like before, his heart thumping into the palm of your hand. “We have a baby together, we’re in it until she’s eighteen at least so we might as well try, can’t you give me that much? Let Suguru go through with the divorce and let me show you how perfect we are for each other.”

Eighteen years entangled with him. No fucking way.

You wanted Satoru out of the picture as quickly as humanly possible. Suguru wanted the same. Just how messed up was it going to get, trying to remove a madman from a situation he’d latched himself into like a bloodsucking leech?

Sakura’s cries could be heard from downstairs, you picked up on it immediately, as did Satoru.

“I wanna see her.”

“My mom’s seeing to her, leave her alone and just go, Satoru. Please.”

“Nah, I’ll see her now, then I’ll go. You have a lot to think about.” He took off up the stairs, heading straight to your mom’s room.

“Hey there, I’m satoru, I don’t know if you remember me. I was the best man at your daughter’s wedding.” Satoru was almost too pleasant.

“Oh yes.” When you reached the bedroom, your mom was offering her sweetest smile. “I remember you, you’re the one who donated so that my daughter could have this little bundle of joy. I can see the resemblance.” 

While it was for show, you couldn’t help but sit in the helplessness of your mothers positivity. she grinned and rocked the baby in her chair, slotting her little finger into Sakura’s hand.

“Yeah, I’m so glad I could help bring her into the world.” Satoru bent down to get closer.

“Must be nice being an uncle to such a sweet baby.”

Oof. There was the dig.

“Yeah.” Satoru saw it as such too by how he turned to you with a lidded glare. “It’s great to still be in her life the way that I am. I’m so greatful your daughter is so understanding and willing to compromise on how Sakura’s raised.”

You shouldn’t have been on edge with your mom here. So why was your heart hammering in your throat? Just what could he do to ruin you, to ruin the family you tried so hard for?

“Mom, Satoru just happened to be in the neighbourhood, he was about to leave actually.”

In other words, ‘Get the fuck out of this house.’

“Yeah.” Satoru stood up and awkwardly waved your mother off. “I gotta be goin’, I have lots of big things coming up with work and other stuff. I can’t stay long.”

In his own indirect words, ‘Watch it.’

“I’ll show him out, and we’ll get ready for that walk. I’m sure Sakura could do with the fresh air.”

You led Satoru down without another word, yanking open the front door to let him pass. He did something you hoped he wouldn’t.

Satoru held your hips, walked you backwards against the front door and stopped short of your lips by an inch, two at most.

“Don’t keep her away from me. I’ll do everything I can to make sure we end up together. I’ll see to it that divorce goes through if need be, and you and I can make a go of it… don’t make things difficult.”

He left without another word, another glance. Nothing

You heaved into your hands before you hyperventilated in the doorway, scrambling over for your phone to call your husband.

He was worse than you thought.

He was far more invested than you hoped.

He was more attached than you could have imagined.

He was deranged.

Chapter Text

“Are you sure you want to go through with this? It’s very unorthodox. I’m not even a divorce attorney.”

Hiromi Higuruma hunched over behind his desk, rubbing his temples at one audacious request. You and Suguru sat on the other side, hands interlocked for comfort and support, anxiously waiting for the verdict.

“There’s no other way Hiromi. He has the money to fight us in court and win, doing it this the right way might put his guard down. I don’t like it anymore than you do, but I won’t have my wife face him in court. Not without the certainty that she’ll win.”

Court cases, countless yen spent on providing evidence and battling for name changes, the whole thing made your stomach churn. It was all time you’d miss out on with Sakura. But doing it this way meant Suguru forfeited time with her. Either way it was an uphill struggle, but this way had the financial advantage with money you and Suguru simply didn’t have.

“I understand that, but being the intended parents, you both should have held parental responsibility. The sperm donor doesn’t have any rights nor responsibilities over your child…” He shuffled through the paperwork with knitted brows. "How the hell did he get his name on that certificate... Even if he tries to play a mental health case to gain access to her, the child will nearly always go with the mother.”

“And what if she doesn’t?” You asked with a trembling lip, the thought of your daughter leaving you brought bile in your mouth. “He has a lot of money, Hiromi. Can you say for certain that he couldn’t take her away from me? We never signed a contract, there’s no real evidence that he donated his sperm for this. Just some hospital records but he’s on her birth certificate.”

“Well-“

“I have no paternity to my daughter, Hiromi. If we go down that route, he’ll win that way too as soon as they do a paternity test. Getting his name off of that birth certificate is almost impossible now- that window of opportunity is gone and he used our vulnerability to climb right through it.”

Suguru closed his eyes briefly, sucking in a gulp of air before letting it go, letting it slip from his grasp like his life was.

“I’m happy to do this for a little while if it means he won’t ever have access to our daughter again. The one parent rule dictates it and I can legally adopt her after. Satoru will have no parental responsibilities and he’ll have to back away.”

Hiromi frowned again, looking at the proposal. “So, you want these papers drawn up so you can divorce temporarily? Just so we’re clear.”

“Yes.” Suguru squeezed your hand. “We want to stay married, but in order to get past all this, we need to get divorced as soon as possible.”

It would give him time to bait himself into a false sense of security, it would allow you and Suguru to rip the rung from under his feet.

“It may still cost you, you know that, right? It might not cost as much as going through the family court process, but it could still end up costing you. If he thinks he has any purchase in this, he’ll grab it with everything he has. He may not have rights after, but it won’t stop him from trying.”

You shot Suguru a heartbroken glance, blinking away the tears you hoped would stay. “We know, but it’s the only way we can see us coming out with most of our family intact. This way we can control the narrative.”

Suguru tried to comfort you and rubbed his thumb over your knuckles. “And when we remarry, I’ll have parental responsibility over Sakura, no matter our DNA. He won’t be able to fight it, or pay his way out of it. That is the law. He won’t have time to have significant contact with Sakura to claim anything if we act quickly… he’s only been an uncle to her so far, but that line is blurring..”

Hiromi said nothing at first, rubbing his chin to inward thoughts you couldn’t read. Silent weight loomed in the office, under the intense pressure of the loudest ticking clock you had ever heard. Each knock and second more was a blink of time in Satoru’s favour. 

“I see your point, like I said it’s unorthodox, but it should work smoothly. And you’re aware of the time period the divorce will take? The adoption?”

What a joke. Suguru having to adopt his own daughter. It made you cry more times than not over the period of the week waiting for the appointment.

Suguru nodded, keeping your hand in his. “Yeah, three months for the divorce to go through and then we can remarry. Then, the adoption proceedings. Six months or more.”

“Alright. Are you both sure? I know you’ve already filled in the mutual consent forms, but I have to confirm.”

You and Suguru nodded with a bitter taste in your mouth. “Yes. We’re sure.”

“Alright then, I’ll get this over to someone I know to do it, see if we can expedite it, they owe me a favour. But I can’t promise anything.”

Suguru stood before you did, straightening his suit jacket sleeve and offering out his hand. “Thanks, Hiromi. You’re doing us a massive favour, really.”

Hiromi shook his hand and filed away the paperwork, slipping it into his desk drawer. “It’s fine, if you need anything else, let me know and I’ll see how I can help.”

“Thank you.” You said, stepping through the office door while Suguru held it open for you.

Stepping out into the hallway may as well have been the hallway to hell. Each bang and clink of chairs on the scuffed floor, or a slammed door down the hall wailed in your ears and never stopped until you and Suguru stepped foot outside, not talking or engaging each other, or anyone else on the way down. 

Then, once the car was in sight, you stopped in your tracks, trying to hold in the shallow panicked breaths. “Oh my god… we’re getting divorced- we basically are already.”

Suguru pulled you close without issue. “Honey, you’ll always be my wife, no matter the paper. It’ll be difficult, but we have to stay strong for Sakura. Can you do that for me?”

Your legs were buckling under you. Not for a second during your pregnancy did you ever think it would end in divorce and heartbreak. Of course, you were due to be married immediately once it was finalised, but divorce was not something that occurred in your family.

“I-I have to, and I will, but fucking hell, Suguru. We were meant to be a family.”

“And we will be, I promise we will. It’s just going to take time.”

“Why- why Suguru, why are we doing it like this?”

“It’s better we have Satoru where we can see him, that way we can keep tabs on him.”

Fuck Satoru Gojo. The only good he ever did was help create Sakura, nothing more.

I wish my dad was here. He’d know what to do.

Time was a prison sentence in your own home, your own child being used as leverage. She’d sit in this self made prison with you, crying and bawling her little eyes out because her father wasn’t there.

The man she’d seen first before you, opening her tiny eyes seemingly fully aware of her surroundings, looking right at him like he was the only person in the room as he cried. The same man she enjoyed skin to skin contact with, sleeping on his chest to bond and connect.

You sniffled and pushed your face into his suit jacket. “I don’t want to take time, can’t we just run away instead? Far away from here and we-“

“Shh, shh.” He soothed you, swayed with you. “I’d love to, but our support network is here, we can’t leave them. You’re going to need them while I’m at work, especially now that I have to go away for a little while.”

“But…”

“Especially if heSatoru's making accusations of cheating. Despite it being false, it’ll still be hard to hear.” Suguru unlocked the car and pulled the door open. “We can still talk while I'm gone, we'll figure something out. I’ll move out in the morning, that way we can spend tonight as a family and I’ll go stay at my mom’s or something.”

Please, I can’t bear this.

“Stay at my mom’s, she knows what’s going on, we might be able to limit the collateral. That way, you can see Sakura more.”

“Alright. I’ll do that, if she’s alright with it.”

Suguru gently pulled away and watched you sit down, leaning over with his arm promptly resting on the open car door. You climbed in hesitantly, knowing this would be the last time for what would feel like forever.

“Of course she will be. She loves you, always asking about you before asking about me.” You chuckled at the best of a worse situation.

He smiled, shutting your door once you were comfortable and made his way to the drivers side. Once he was in, he slouched like he’d already given up. “Let’s go for a drive before we pick Sakura up from your mom’s, Hm?”

“Alright.” 

It didn’t take long to figure out where Suguru was taking you. A view point hidden away on the edge of the city, conveniently where you and he had the first official, second unofficial date.

But when the car pulled up, you had no time to reminisce.

“This is all my fault.”

“What? How?” You turned towards Suguru, tilting your head in confusion how this could possibly be his fault.

Satoru had clearly displayed that he wasn’t in the right frame of mind. Suguru didn’t do that.

“If could could have-“

“No. Don’t you do that to yourself. It’s not your fault.”

His fertility. The whole reason Satoru became involved in the first place.

“But if I could have given you a baby, we wouldn’t be going through this right now. That is true. You can’t deny that.”

Okay, you couldn’t deny that. Yet it still wasn’t his fault.

“It’s still not your fault. I don’t ever want to hear that from you again, understand?”

His head fell lower in defeat. “Okay, honey… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

You reached for his hand, exhausted and overworked, clinging to it like you’d never be fortunate to hold him again. Suguru studied your face as though he’d never see it again. Maybe you could sneak around and still see eachother? Satoru might get wise to it. You trusted that he’d be sniffing around like a moth to a flame once news of the divorce reached him. 

The last time for a while.

No time like the present.

“Why come here?” You asked, watching the horizon over the working city, one so alive it didn’t care about the heartbreak you were about to face.

“When I thought of where to take you, this feels like home. You feel like home. It was a no brainer, really.”

You kissed your husband in that moment, softly, loving hands pressed to his chest reciprocating immediately. Hands entangled in your hair, his tongue tasting you like his last meal.

“I love you.” You breathed, tugging on his suit jacket like a lifeline.

“You’re my life.” He said back, rubbing his nose on yours and taking in your lips to memorise.

You wanted him. He wanted you.

Right here in this car, on this public view point.

Suguru didn’t hesitate until he had you up over his lap, leg either side in some contorted way the car allowed. You were worked up for the first time since your pregnancy, firmly supported by his shoulders.

“We shouldn’t- it’s only been six weeks.”

You disagreed. “Seven weeks, it’s nearly seven weeks. I’m ready, I have been for a week or so, I just wanted to follow the doctor's orders and wait.”

Suguru smiled for the first time in days, pulling at the lever of the driver's chair to lower himself down. Again, you found him studying your face, looking in your eyes and losing yourself into his purple irises.

So beautiful.

“One time, but it’s not the last.” He said, stroking your cheek, a hand grazing your waist and fingertips so delicate they almost tickled over the material of your fitted dress, hiked up over your thighs already.

“Not the last.” 

Suguru shifted himself back, awkwardly shuffling over the seat to the back of the car. He chuckled softly, you followed like a couple of teenagers forgetting about the world with more room in the back.

“Remember our first time?” Suguru pawed at the zip on the back of your dress.

You were laughing. “Of course I do, in the old car you built with no room- how on earth did we fuck in that thing?”

He was already hard, bucking his hips against you once the top half of your dress dropped to show your bra and enlarged breasts. You ground against him too, having no sex for almost eight months did something to you. The entire time, Suguru touched himself, fucking his hand to relieve his urges and take any societal pressure from you.

But the real thing could never be replaced by a hand or silicone toy.

“Yeah, there was zero room in that. We still had fun though.”

Suguru grabbed your ass and yanked you closely, burying his face into your breasts like they’d disappear. As self conscious as you could have been, you didn’t dare say one word to ruin this moment for either of you. It felt too good.

They probably smelt like breast milk, swollen still after this morning’s pump so your daughter could bottle feed while you were away. Still, Suguru didn’t complain or whine. In fact, he buried his nose between the plush and plain material, peppering kisses so often.

“I’d let you do more with them, but I’ll leak everywhere. I just know it- fuck.”

“Don’t care about that- god they’re beautiful.”

No time to get self conscious. No time to waste getting fucked by your husband in public before a few hurtful months.

“Okay just- it’s going to get everywhere.”

“Don’t care.”

Your breastfeeding bra left everything to be desired. It was bland, boring and just unsightly. Yet your dear husband unclasped the right cup and pulled your leaky nipple into his mouth.

Fuck. It shouldn’t have been this emotionally charged, but it was. It turned you on more in the few seconds you watched than ever before.

Suguru didn’t say anything, his lips fully latched on to your swollen breast whilst he played with the material of your dress, then your underwear and then your sensitive clit that he hadn’t touched in months.

Too much. Far too much. Suguru’s cock twitched in his pants while you squirmed under his touch, close already.

“C’mon, Sugie, neither of us will last long, please just fuck me.”

He pulled away with a pop and let your nipple leak, milk dribbled down his chin and licked it up. 

“You’re impatient, aren’t you?” As if he wouldn’t finish quickly too.

“Just be gentle with me.”

“Of course I will.” He hurried to unbuckle his suit pants, his cock barely free from his underwear before he was pulling your own to the side to slide himself inside you slowly. 

“Oh god.” Like having sex for the first time all over again.

“So tight.” He mumbled under his breath, taking your milky nipple into his mouth again and sucking like his life depended on it.

Yeah, it wouldn’t take long for you to come, you doubted Suguru would either. Too sensitive, too emotional.

You set the pace, raising and lowering yourself onto his cock and soaking up the euphoria right into your heart and soul.

“Baby- I’m really not going to last long- shit.”

“Don’t try to last then.” You managed to squeak out before he unclasped the cover on your other breast and sucked that one too. “That feels really good.”

“Tastes good.”

Suguru played with your clit with the pad of his soft thumb, threatening to make you come immediately. You fought it as best you could, but the edge came closer than you realised.

“Suguru- I’m not going to-“

“Me neither.”

He let go of your nipple and kissed you, the notes of your breast milk on his lips, all buttery, mixed with his own saliva and yours. You subconsciously moved your hips with firmness, up and down, up and down until Suguru’s breathing changed. One more flick of his thumb and you were coming properly in what felt like forever, digging your nails into his shoulders and holding a silent breath.

Suguru clung to you whilst he came deep inside you, holding his own lingered breath in his chest while his cock tip spurted ropes of delicious, hot fluid you wanted to hold onto just like the memory forever ingrained in your mind.

“Fuck…” Suguru hid his face in his hands, huffing away the high. “I thought I might have lasted a little longer.”

“I thought I would come quicker, I surprised myself!” 

You laughed, more like cackled, hoping to ignore the shitstorm that approached the moment you stepped back into your moms house. Suguru joined in, his chest jerking against you with the familiarity of home.

“You surprise me all the time, and I love you so much for it.” He kissed you once more, chaste and sweet. “We’ll figure this out, honey. I’ll always be here.”

“I trust you.”

It was the only thing you could say.

Trust.

It made or broke relationships.

You prayed it wouldn’t strip you of yours.

Chapter Text

“Everything’s packed.” 

Suguru tiptoed into the bedroom, peering over your shoulder as you fed Sakura, the television on low and glowing the room up with a random film in the background.

You smiled the best you could, weak enough for him to see through though. Suguru’s gut twisted like the knife Satoru had stabbed into his back, knowing he’d be around Sakura for a matter of weeks was something he dreaded.

But what could he honestly do? 

Satoru had the money, an array for companies he had grown from the ground up, doing all the hard work in his early adult years and now he rode off of that hard work. The man had so much free time on his hands it was criminal, and he was getting richer doing it.

Suguru didn’t know an exact figure of his wealth, but he knew it was enough to win any court battle. And he’d do it smiling where Suguru was involved. So in order to win, you’d need evidence of his own misdeeds, or use the one parent law against him, the latter was your best bet.

Did it kill Suguru that he’d have to leave you and the baby to make things right? Yes. Did he regret this situation ever happening? No. Because you and he would not have been blessed with the most perfect daughter to ever exist.

It didn’t mean it wasn’t difficult though.

He sat down beside you and wrapped his arm around your shoulder to keep you close. “It’ll all work out, honey. I know it will.”

“I know- I don’t want to be around him, he unsettles me so much. I don’t know what he’s capable of, Suguru. The things he was suggesting, what if he tries it- or takes Sakura away? Then what do we do?”

You were having second thoughts. Understandable. Suguru doubted himself more times than he could count, picking up his things and loading the car up with pictures of you and Sakura to keep him company. He was only a ten minute drive away, but it may as well have been across the country.

Still, he knew in his heart that it was the right thing, the right way to go about things without more stress on you than this would already cause. The last thing you needed was more stress.

“I’m only ten minutes away, if Satoru did anything you were uncomfortable with, call me and I’ll be there. But we both know it’s better to keep his guard down and then he can’t build a case or get a step ahead of us. If we think ahead of him, he doesn’t have an edge.”

You sighed, resting your head on his shoulder. “He’s called me twelve times today, three voicemails and a string of texts, asking about if we decided on the divorce or not. He’s suffocating.”

“Maybe it’s time to send that text to him now, if you want to.” Suguru watched your phone screen light up with the notifications.

Satoru sent Suguru countless messages too spanning from apology texts, to those reassuring him that he’d take care of you and Sakura like it was a done deal. 

Like you were being sold off.

Naturally once Satoru learned of the divorce, he’d flock to you in a heartbeat. You reassured Suguru you could handle it, he had his reservations.

Court was worse, as isolating as this plan was, Suguru was helpless in both situations.

“Not tonight, if I text him now he’ll come over and I don’t want to see him tonight.”

“Right, well let’s make the most of tonight, we’ll take care of it tomorrow.”

“Yeah, we can think about it tomorrow. I just want to lay with you tonight, I somehow doubt I’ll get sleep tonight.”

You physically relaxed, leaning into his shoulder with the scent of your rose shampoo wafting up his nose to settle him too.

How the hell am I supposed to leave them both?

Only for two or three months, that’s what he told himself. If Hiromi could shorten that wait, he would, Suguru banked on him doing just that so he could move back home again.

His finger felt naked, your finger looked desolate with no ring on it after your shower. Both rings threaded safely on a chain around his next, remaining there until you and he remarried.

So naked, so vulnerable. So lonely. Empty.

“Yeah, I don’t think I will either.”

Suguru rested his head on his free arm, putting it behind him to decompress and prepare for the next few hard months.

His best friend and his wife. Fucking hell.

Just how far would Satoru go to remove Suguru from your life if he stayed? How much damage could he do to you physiologically in that time?

Letting him in and controlling what he did was logical as it was desperate, yet the best option to keep his guard down and leashed up like a dog until his next visit to the vets to change his chip.

A sacrifice for the future. and you were putting the most on the line to Suguru's dismay and lack of a better idea. Suguru would be empty without his girls, having nothing but the memories to keep him company.

Once Sakura was asleep and fed, you and Suguru laid in bed under the covers. You faced each other, tracing little shapes with your fingertips on the back of his hand. Neither you nor he could sleep and just talked all night.

Memories, ideas, future plans and dreams for Sakura’s life. A dog maybe? Or a rabbit? They were smaller, didn’t live as long and possibly easier to care for.

Suguru wanted a dog.

You wanted a rabbit.

Maybe a cat?

“I guess maybe a dog in the future.” You were warming to his sweet words.

“Ooh, it’s maybe a dog now?”

You hugged in the dark room. “If you care for it and it’s not a loud one, then maybe I wouldn’t be so opposed to it.”

Suguru brushed his nose with yours, placing a chaste kiss on your lips. “I’ll hold you to that.”

He could tell you were smiling, like a sixth sense. It filled the comfortable pauses between the sheets.

“Do you think we’ll ever have more children?” You said, fiddling with the pillow cover right by Suguru’s face.

He kissed the back of your hand with a grin that couldn’t match his shock. “Sakura’s barely seven weeks old, you’re already thinking of the next one?”

“You know what I mean… it’s just, I think about this stuff a lot, seeing Sakura getting bigger each day and everything that’s about to change. It crossed my mind, is all.”

It crossed Suguru’s too, he just never dared to bring it up in doubt of appearing insensitive. “Well, we can keep trying for a year or two, and if that doesn’t work, then we can look at another donor- a legit one this time.”

“I don’t think of you any differently, you know that, right?”

“...I do. It’s more me than anything…” He sighed and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling looking back at him. “The doctor said it’s not, we just have to be really lucky.”

You shuffled over, resting your head on his chest. “Maybe one day… but if it doesn’t happen, it’s okay.”

“I know.” It didn’t help that it was all he could think about most days, performing the way he expected he could. And then he couldn’t. “I think about what they’d look like, y’know?”

“Your hair, my eyes.” You mused. “Toddling about the place and causing mischief.”

“Definitely mischief. I was a little shit as a kid, you remember my mom's stories.”

“About the paint in the bathroom when you were three years old and you painted yourself too? Yeah, I remember.” 

It was so nice to hear you laugh at last. Suguru would miss it terribly.

“Yeah, they’d be cute alright, especially if they had your cute nose and smile.”

You propped yourself up on your elbow, hand flat on his chest. “Arw, you think my nose is cute?”

He nodded, did the same to mirror you, lips closer like before. “I do, and I see your smile on Sakura. I know the professionals say it’s just gas, but it’s like she’s actually smiling when she sees me… I’m gonna miss that.”

“She’s coming along with her smiles, I don’t think it’s gas all the time either..” Suguru gladly accepted your face so close to him, reassuring and warm. “I’ll send my mom photos all the time. That way you can see them… I feel like my phone won’t be safe.”

“Yeah?”

“Satoru has too much spare time. He won’t just let me get on with things will he? If he found out my password, I suddenly think he’d go through it.”

Suguru hesitated, his instincts wanting to dismiss it just like before, he never listened to Satoru’s ex because his friendship was so engrained on his brain.

He made it sound so believable.

“Yeah… Keep your phone clean, I’ll see you each time you come to your mom's, it’s only for a few months. As soon as Hiromi know’s anything, he told me he’d let me know as soon as he can.”

“And when we’re officially divorced, we get married straight away.”

Suguru looked at the wedding photo in the hallway by the front door every time he left the house. Seeing you in that dress again tickled his tummy. So beautiful, stunning, elegant, almost made him pass out.

“Think of it as renewing our vows. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“If we can get through this, we can get through anything, right?”

God, you were fucking perfect. “Exactly.”

“Oh.” You looked behind you towards the crib, yawning. “I guess it’s that time again already. Miss, I-eat-everything-all-day is up again.”

Suguru watched you climb out of bed and coo little praises and sweet words to Sakura, holding her in your arms to slip back into bed to feed her. He pulled the nursing pillow from his side of the bed whilst you got yourself comfy, unclasping your sleep bra to nestle Sakura between you and him. 

After a long comfortable silence, you spoke. “I pumped a little earlier, so you can feed her in the morning before you go.”

“You did?” You never pumped for the morning, only enough for maybe two bottles during the day.

“Yeah, I think you should have that time with her tomorrow.”

Suguru didn’t think there’d ever be a moment where he could have loved you more than he already did. But again, he was proven wrong.

“Marry me all over again?”

You smiled ever so faintly by the light through the top of the door from the hallway. “I plan to.”

“That’s good, because that would have been embarrassing.”

It was difficult not to laugh at you stifling your own laughter with the baby laid between you and him. Still, you laughed anyway.

“I know right? Could have been pretty awkward if I said literally anything else, hm?” Sakura nursed silently as you watched her. “What do you think, Sakura? Should we do it again? You’ll be able to see Mommy and Daddy get married.”

In response, Sakura didn’t make a sound, a groan in a milk induced stupor or smack her hand on the nearest surface. She farted. Suguru’s daughter farted, right on him.

Now he really couldn’t hold it in. “I felt that! Sakura Emi Geto, you have such perfect timing.”

“Don’t laugh. It’s making me laugh and she’ll unlatch, she's almost finished!” You laughed anyway.

“I’m sorry, honey, but our daughter has comedic timing. It’s something that has to be praised. A future comedian.”

“A stinky one.” You said, coming down from the moment and nestling back into the covers.

“A very stinky one.”

You rustled about in the sheets and tied your hair back however you could. “I’ll change her in a minute.”

“I’ll do it, you rest up. It’ll be a long day tomorrow.” 

Really, he just wanted more time with her, even if it was changing smelly diapers and getting stuck in like he usually would. Even the nitty gritty sides of childrearing was something he began keeping himself from taking for granted.

“Okay then, stinky one incoming.”

Suguru took Sakura and greeted her with a forehead kiss, taking in her milky smell and floral scent of the soft laundry detergent you used. He planned on taking one of the baby’s crib blankets with him to sleep with, and one of your shirts from the laundry hamper as comforts of his own. 

He now understood why children clung to their blankets and stuffed toys. Smells were everything he’d grown accustomed to and parting from that was going to kill him. Even if it was for just a couple months. It may as well have been a lifetime.

But it was for the future of his family, that’s what he kept telling himself to get through it, anyway.

Chapter Text

The morning started off as any usual day.

Suguru ventured downstairs to make coffee, the distant clicking and water running became white noise in Sakura’s routine while you dressed her and yourself.

“Oh, don’t you just look the cutest today?”

She kicked her legs out a little, entirely awake and starting to stir for her morning feed. Sakura cooed, pouting her lips out when she wasn’t smacking them together. 

“Now, I was saving this outfit for a special occasion, but I think today is as good as any to look absolutely adorable in, so try not to get milk down it, okay?”

Sakura made a few choice noises at you, blue eyes wide and focused on a spot on your face. You shimmied on the little pants to cover her diaper under the little summer dress, and pulled a few funny faces at her.

“Blughhh… eeeeeh… oooooh… mama, mama, mama…”

Your daughter managed a quick ‘O’ with her lips and carried on kicking with her little socks on. She had her pink bunny on hand and matching pacifier, ready to start the morning with a bottle with her daddy.

She’s so cute.

“There’s my girls.” Suguru was pouring coffee when you came down with Sakura.

“Morning daddy, we have a very special outfit today. Someone is full of beans.”

When he took the baby from you and kissed the top of her head. “Oh? That’s good, and that is a very pretty dress- ah, you smell so good all the time.”

“Doesn't she?” You said, sitting yourself down on the bar stool. “I could smell her literally all day.”

“She’s just perfect. You both are perfect. My perfect girls.” Suguru sat down too, picking up the prepared bottle of milk for Sakura, and pushed a coffee cup across the kitchen island to you. “Breakfast for Sakura, and a decaf for mommy.”

“Lovely.” 

You took it with a small smile, sipping what you could from the hot rim of the cup, fiddling with your phone, playing around with the wording of the text message you were preparing to send to Satoru.

Something to lure him, to set him off in the right way.

Suguru placed the bottle teat to Sakura’s lips and waited for her to take it. She was incredibly finicky when she wasn’t breast feeding, often preferring shallower teats to the other ergonomic ones.

You and Suguru sat in a comfortable silence, soaking in the sun through the windows. Just quiet, just… existing.

“Fancy pancakes this morning? I did plan on making you something in bed, but this little one decided to be up at five and never slept again.”

“Ooh, pancakes sound great.”

“Maybe she’d enjoy the carrier? Could make doing the house chores easier, maybe even when I work from home, I can type still while she’s on me. She’ll still be small enough for the carrier in a few months, right?”

“Yeah she’ll still be small enough, I doubt she’ll outgrow it for a while. Maybe getting the laundry done could be easier with her strapped to me, the grocery shopping too.”

Suguru hummed and watched his daughter with an adoring gaze. “We should try it out sometime, they look comfy.”

“My mom bought one, it's at her place, we can give it a try when I go round at the weekend.”

He smiled, adjusting the baby’s head in the crook of his elbow. “I’d like that, maybe give a few chores around the house, see how versatile it is. I have to pay my way over there somehow.”

Your mom loved Suguru like her own child. “I think she’d probably make me do it instead of you, Mr. Golden child.”

“Hey, I can’t help it if your mom has a soft spot for me. I guess it pays to be nice, hm?”

“I’m always nice.” You scoffed. “You just go the extra mile to get in the popular club with my mother.”

Suguru’s smile tickled the butterflies in your stomach while you drank your coffee. “I can’t help it if my own mom keeps everyone at arm's length.”

“Your mother is a busy body.”

“Yeah… she kind of is, right?” He chuckled, placing the bottle down to wind the baby. “I’m sorry how she is sometimes.”

A sigh from your throat filled the room, placating the looming emptiness when you sent that text message. “No, she’s fine. She just gets in her head sometimes. I know she gets lonely.”

“She’ll be alright. Once this is all finished and done with, we’ll all sit down and talk about boundaries again. I know they can get lost on her sometimes.”

Boundaries, now that was a funny word.

Satoru didn’t know boundaries either. He’d messaged you three times already since this morning, one missed call. Obviously silence was lost on him.

“Yeah…”

“It’s alright, honey. I’ll get the pancakes on,  you text him when you’re ready.” Suguru reached across the counter top to you. “Let’s do what we have to do.”

You nodded, still fiddling with your phone and sipping your coffee like it was the last one you’d ever have. “Alright.”

“Just try to take a breath. It’ll be okay.”

Stopping the shaking of your fingers on the keyboard linked to Satoru’s number refused to work. Each letter was a prison sentence, a destined path you never thought you’d step down.

You: It’s over. We’re getting a divorce. Suguru’s moving out. Stop calling me.

And like magic, the calls and messages stopped. It took Satoru a whole twenty three minutes to reach the house from wherever he was.

Suguru managed to make a few pancakes and gave Sakura the biggest cuddle and lots of kisses in that time like some fictional superhero. He clocked onto Satoru’s car through the window before you did, coaxing you to stand from the way you anxiously sat hunched over at the counter.

“Now, this could get ugly. Anything I might say, I don’t mean, please remember that.”

“I know.” It still hurt though.

He pulled you close and kissed you quick, meaningfully. You told yourself it wasn't the last time, it wasn’t the final time you’d relax to the cologne in the crook of his neck and seek comfort to the soft palms of his hands, and hearing his delicate words that soothed you in the shower and when he thought you were asleep.

No more smells. Familiar sounds. No lingering gazes and utterly enamoured touches. Being limited to once a week, pulled the loneliness you had stored away right onto your sleeve.

“I love you, Suguru. So much.”

“And I love you, more than you’ll ever know. You and Sakura are my life, my world. My girls.”

Satoru used your loneliness, he picked up on it immediately once the door knocked and you reluctantly opened it after Suguru disappeared into the kitchen.

“Hey, you alright? He’s actually doing it?”

You brushed away Satoru’s grin at his cheeks and hand from your shoulder. He stood there, hands in his pockets not paying a care to your reaction.

“Where’s Sakura? I wanna see my girl.”

“I said stop calling me, not to come over.” You pushed on his chest towards the door, he didn’t move an inch in the direction. “Why did you come over?”

Satoru came over to rub it in Suguru’s face. All part of the bait and the plan to lure him in a direction you and he wanted.

“What do you mean?” He shrugged, looking at you properly. “To support you, you’re getting divorced. Just because I love you and want to be with you doesn’t mean that I misunderstand how difficult this will be for you.” Then, he caressed your cheek. “I’m here for you.”

You pulled away immediately. “I didn’t want help, I wanted to be left alone to mend things with my husband that you broke.”

“C’mon, you and I both know that I never broke anything.” Satoru moved his head in the direction of the kitchen and whispered the rest. “It was Suguru’s lack of trust, he so easily believed it, that is what ended this relationship.”

“No it wasn’t.”

Suguru stood in the kitchen holding the baby, shushing her and swaying from side to side. He whispered how much he loved her in her ear, explaining that he had to go away for a while and that he’d always be there.

Your heart exploded, your eyes welling up as he handed her to you, not saying one word.

“S-Suguru… please- we can work this out, I can’t-“

“No, we can’t. It’s better for all of us involved if this ends.” He didn’t even look at you.

“it doesn’t have to end, we can work through it.”

Suguru huffed, shaking his have disapprovingly. “I wanted to work things out but I… I just can’t.”

“Suguru-“

“If you need anything, you can go through my attorney.”

Satoru leant against the wall by the front door, hands in his pockets like he was waiting for the bus. “She won’t need anything, I’ll make sure they’re taken care of-“ 

“Will you stop?” Your reaction with Suguru might have been fake, but your erratic breathing wasn’t. “This doesn’t concern you.”

Satoru pushed off from the wall andstood between you and Suguru, folded arms and a pissed off expression. “It does when it concerns my daughter. So no, I won’t stop.”

Suguru picked up his overnight bag at the door, shrugging it on his shoulder. “You can both argue over everything in the open now, I’m done… I’m so done.”

“Arw, c’mon Suguru, it’s not like we planned this. Give us a little class, hm?”

Stunned. Utter silence.

Suguru sighed, it was long and weary. “Fuck you, Satoru.” And then he left.

You stood there, Sakura sleepy and milk drunk in your arms. Satoru stood there too, eyes wider than you’d seen before, mouth open for a second like the talkative idiot was actually speechless.

“Yeah… fuck you, Satoru.” You left too, stomping up the stairs to lay Sakura down so you could sleep.

Though, you didn’t even get to shut the door behind you before Satoru was pushing it open with a glare. “Fuck me? I know you didn’t just say that to me right now.”

“I did.” You nodded eagerly, stepping over to the crib to lay the baby down. “I did say that. You just ruined my marriage and you don’t even feel any remorse for it. If you showed any emotion besides pride and smugness, then I might want to argue with you, But I don’t even want to do that. I never asked you over here and I want you to leave.”

Satoru ran his hands through his hair and tugged at the roots. “I did this for us! Now we can start our family like we should have in the beginning- I need you to give me a chance and shutting me out like this isn’t what people do emotionally. You’re giving me whiplash.”

“Whiplash?” You actually laughed at that. “You’re giving me whiplash. So you’ve had a thing for me for who-really-knows how long, and all of a sudden I’m an object to be won? Yes, my baby is related to you biologically, but she’s mine. Not yours, not anyone else’s. She’s mine. I can’t handle this whole act you have for using her as a tool, you’re here for her, not me.”

Despite your racing heart, you fronted Satoru up right to his chest, looking up at him with the most intimidating look you had on hand. “Don’t ever think you have a right to her just because you came in a cup and allowed a doctor to shove it between my legs. You’re not special, and you’re not the main character here. My daughter is. She always will be…”

You hesitated mentioning the next part, but it was the most crucial.

“I’ve lost the love of my life because of you, and I need some time on my own so I can come to terms with this before we go any further.”

To make him think that he had a chance.

Satoru smiled, looking down at you with that all knowing attractive half smile that seemed to make girls go crazy over him. “I’ve never seen this side of you before… So you're willing to give us a go?”

That’s all he took out of it?

Of course, give the man an inch and he’d take more than a mile.

“Just give me some room, Satoru.” You let your bottom lip quiver and tremble along with more silent tears. “I’m really vulnerable and I need time to lick my wounds before I suffocate.”

He wiped the wet from your cheeks with his index finger, sweeping hair from your face. “I can give you a little space, but I still want to see my daughter. Deal?”

Perfect. Right where you wanted him.

“A-Alright. But not today, later.”

“I’ll come by tomorrow.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Okay.”

“See ya then.”

Satoru pecked your cheek and blew a kiss to Sakura before leaving with an almighty grin on his face, bopping down the stairs with a whistle and cocky jump in his step.

Too bad the man was taking the breadcrumbs suguru had scattered like a rat infested pigeon. You only hoped he’d continue it and not catch on to what you and Suguru were planning.

Chapter Text

“Hey.” Satoru came round the next morning, earlier than you expected.

“Hi.” You said, stepping back to allow him through, rubbing the bags under your eyes.

You never slept well last night, clinging to Suguru’s shirt from the hamper just so the bed stayed smelling like him. Sakura must have picked up on your defeated spirit, because she was up every hour on the hour like clockwork.

“Are you okay?” Satoru brushed your cheek with his index finger, dipping his head to watch you like a concerned puppy. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

He walked past you into the living room, grinning away when he saw the baby, kicking about on the floor with her little hanging fish dangling by her face. 

“I uh, I didn’t really sleep, no.” Was there any point in lying?

“You should have called me-Hello Princess!- I would have dropped everything and come over.”

And do what, chat my ear off until I shout at you, or just unsettle me until I cry?  

“No… it’s fine. I just needed space to process everything. I’m not coping very well.”

“Of course you’re not, you’re going through a divorce with a guy you thought you’d be with for a while, it’s perfectly logical to be anxious.”

You stood there in the doorway, watching a man who pulled you down the stairs, manipulated your mother-in-law and tried controlling the narrative that you were a cheating spouse. How he talked and handled your daughter was someone else entirely.

Someone understanding. Words of support like… Suguru.

“Right…” You sat down on the sofa, rubbing your eyes again.

“Baby, you look exhausted, it’s only nine o’clock. Why don’t you nap while we bond a little bit?” 

Like you were just going to nap while he cuddled your little girl. You wanted to address the pet name, but you were struggling to keep your eyes open.

“I can’t… she’s due a feed in an hour. I have to be up to nurse her.”

“Then I can wake you when she gets grumpy. But you should nap when you can- but don’t worry, I'll come over every day, I’ll always be there to have Sakura while you rest. It’s important you get enough sleep.”

You couldn’t sleep, no matter how exhausted you’d get, you couldn’t do it. “I can’t, it’ll ruin my sleep pattern.”

Satoru’s laugh should have been jokingly detailed amongst the baby toys and spare diapers on the coffee table, except there was a cool trim of darkness to it. “No it won’t, mommy should always try to sleep when baby does… it’s not like I’m gonna whisk her off somewhere. Do you need anything done while you sleep?”

It wasn’t a threat. 

Why did it seem like it was?

“It’s fine. I did the laundry yesterday. Everything’s sorted.”

Yeah, sorted enough that you had time to sob your heart out last night for two hours until you fell asleep because you couldn’t physically keep your eyes open, only to wake up twenty minutes later. You did all of your housework in the early hours of the morning, wearing Suguru’s shirt to keep you company. In fact, the house had never looked so clean, though Suguru’s shirt started smelling like bleach.

“C’mon.” He smiled, wiggling Sakura’s pink rabbit in front of her as she cooed in her little vest and shorts. “There’s a seven week old baby in the house, there’s always something to do..." He nuzzled her and picked her up. "Well, you're practically eight weeks now, aren't you baby girl?"

Since when did he get so paternal? He’d always been good with the baby, but his responses were textbook, almost automated to suit your answers.

Think-Think… I can’t sleep while he’s here.

With a meek smile, you neatened yourself up, brushing your hair with your fingers and rubbing your cheeks as though it would bring the colour back.

“Well, this little one kept getting up every hour, so I did all my chores in the night. Everything is done for now.”

Satoru gasped, feigning surprise as he held Sakura up. “You kept mommy up all night? She has to get her beauty sleep too, no wonder you’re looking so adorable today. Baby, you should really get some sleep- are you hungry? I can order take out-“

“No, really. I’m just fine.” You regretted even mentioning it.

It was too much already. Your stomach plummeted, the struggle of keeping your yawns hidden and the fact that you were actually starving overwhelmed you, and Satoru hadn’t even been here ten minutes.

“Are you sure? You look peaky. I can make you something instead?”

“You don’t strike me as the type to cook for someone.”

He scooped the baby in his arms and sat himself next to you on the sofa, closer than you would have liked. Watching Sakura dribble was your only vice to stay awake and keep yourself out of his orbit.

“I have a lot of time on my hands these days, I’ve picked up a thing or two about cooking. I just prefer ordering, that way I don't need to cook…” His pause told you everything. “But when it comes to a pretty girl? I can whip something up.”

“Satoru, please quit with that, I said I needed space.” You didn’t dare look at him, but you could already sense the awkward aura in the room shift.

“What? I can’t call you pretty? I’m not makin’ a move, I’m just calling it how I see it. Is that a crime?”

The atmosphere was suffocating. “You’re here to see Sakura. That’s all.”

“I’m here to see my daughter and the mother of my child. If I had it my way, I’d be sayin’ a lot more right now, but you wanted space. So I’m giving you space.” He fiddled with a little bow on Sakura’s sock. “So if I can give you space, you shouldn't lie to me, either.”

“What?”

“Don’t tell me everything is fine when I can see the bags under your eyes through the makeup you put on. You think I’m not capable of taking care of our daughter?”

You sat there, unsure if it was just your exhaustion, or the audacity that this man dared to accuse you of lying after all the shit he’d already done. But your nerves were on their last legs.

“I never said that. And I don’t want to sleep.”

“But you may as well have said it, right?” Satoru eyed you closely with lidded eyes, they darkened like his voice dropped. “You think I’ll run off with her, don’t you?”

What could you possibly say to that? Regardless, your tiredness pushed itself far enough to become redundant.

“Satoru, put Sakura in her bassinet.”

He laughed again, it sickened the lining of your throat, the pit of your stomach so that it twisted in knots like thorny vines around your lungs so you couldn’t breathe. However, you could not show it. Not while he was so close he would smell it.

“Why, mommy? She’s happy, cuddling daddy.”

The courage only came because it involved your daughter. “I said put her in the bassinet, and we’ll discuss it out in the kitchen. I don’t want my daughter around this.”

You got to your feet and trudged on over towards the kitchen before he could respond. Picking up the baby monitor on the sideboard, you brought it with you and set it down on the kitchen counter, just waiting for him to come through the doorway without the baby.

“I’m sorry, what do you mean this around her?”

Yeah, you had no idea where the courage came from, throwing all what Suguru told you about Satoru’s behaviour out of the window.

I have to set an example, set clear boundaries if I’m going to survive the next few months.

“I mean this.” You waved your hand between Satoru and yourself rather aggressively. “If you want whatever-the-fuck-this-is to work? You need to take a step back and stop smothering me.”

“I’m smothering you? All I did was compliment you and offer to care for our daughter while you slept, and you couldn’t even be honest with me. How the fuck am I smothering you when all I’m doing is trying to help?”

“Are you serious right now?”

He was more deranged than you could have imagined. Still, you kept the kitchen island between you and shifted around it any time that he moved.

“Yeah, I’m pretty serious.” Satoru placed his palms flat on the marble counter, standing there like he’d move it all together. “I don’t know why you’re so against this, fighting me on everything I try to do for you and our daughter-”

“Stop it! I didn’t want the help, or the attention. I want space, and to be left alone! What part of that are you failing to grasp here? I’m exhausted, Suguru moved out yesterday and all I want to do is sleep- and excuse me if I don’t trust anyone watching my eight week old daughter besides my mother while I’m unconscious!”

Satoru actually seemed like he was reflecting on his actions.

“Oh, I get it. I can’t believe I let it slip over my head like that, I’m sorry… You’re still really upset about the divorce. Well, I hoped you’d be better about it today, but you’re worse off than you were yesterday.”

Maybe not.

“Satoru, Please listen to me when I say this. If you want this…” It killed you even saying it. “Co-parenting thing to work, then you need to respect my boundaries.”

“Of course I do- no, no, no.” He pulled your hands close and cupped them firmly. “Please don’t think that I don’t respect you, of course I do. It’s just that I’ve waited so long for this, and I’ll admit I can get a bit over excited. But you have to understand that I don’t see the point in grieving that relationship when we were made for each other, we have so much lost time to catch up on.”

How could you respond to that when he tucked your hair out of your face so lovingly, and commanded such an antagonising presence at the same time?

“Baby, there’s so much I wanna do with you and Sakura, she’s growing up so fast and I don’t see why we should wait.” Again, his soft chuckle stuck like razor sharp sticks in your ears. “To be honest, if I had it my way, I’d already be askin’ you to move in with me, maybe try for baby number two? Properly. But… you want space, so I’ll give it to you.”

Your stunned words only came out as a whisper. “That’s what you call space?”

“Mhm, I think a couple of weeks is enough, don’t you?”

“U-Until what?” You wanted to pull away, run from him and take Sakura to your moms and call the police.

What would they realistically do?

“Until we try for real, we settle down and catch up to where we should have been if you walked down the aisle to me, instead of Suguru.”

“I might want children in the future, Satoru. But not right now.”

He pinched your cheek like a child, tilting his head like he was going to kiss you. “Oh, c’mon. You’re tellin’ me you want to keep Sakura as an only child? You were so beautiful pregnant, wearing those little jumper dresses over Christmas, and balancing the remote on your belly just so Sakura could kick it off when she was active…”

How you didn’t flinch when he rubbed his nose with yours, was a miracle. Your gut gravitated naturally to getting to Suguru, to calling this whole thing off and taking your chances with the courts.

I’m doing this for my family, for my daughter. I don’t have to do anything like that, not what I don’t want to do.

Satoru wasn’t about to touch you like that. You may have just given birth to a baby, but you’d stab the bastard before he even dreamed of doing anything like that.

“But… What if I don’t want another baby? I-I’m seven weeks post partum… I want time with Sakura before I even think of that.”

He noticed the way you cleared your throat, he stepped back and rubbed his neck like he was shy. “Oh my god! No, not right now- you want space. Please don’t- oh shit… please don’t think I’d rush you into something, not until you were ready to do anything like that with me. I mean, I’ve waited this long, I can wait a little longer.”

It wasn’t reassuring.

It was an act.

“Satoru… I haven’t- I mean, not with Suguru since after I found out I was pregnant. I’m not going to be ready for anything like that for a while.”

“Oh… right, well, let’s take this slow then, hm?”

It was still a fucking act.

But slow was better than right now. “Yeah, slow.”

“Good.” He said, turning to leave the kitchen. “Let’s watch a movie, it really feels like movie weather.”

The whiplash left you standing there, speechless and gripping onto the kitchen counter until your fingers trembled and knuckles turned white.

How on earth were you going to make it through this?

Chapter Text

The days bled into one long nightmare. Each starting out the same way, Satoru playing the nice, helpful and reasonable man whooshing in on a stallion to aid you.

Then, things would end in an argument where you managed to avoid Sakura being in the crossfire, away somewhere else in the house until Satoru suddenly switched back, giving you a psychological neck ache.

Living with Suguru had never been like this, and Satoru had dropped it in conversation not even a week after Suguru moved out.

“I said no, Satoru. It’s Saturday, I always go to my mom’s. I did it when Suguru was here and I’ll still do it with you. Saturday is my time with my mom, and my mom’s time with Saukura. I get time in my own for the night and my mom gets to see her grandchild. You go and do whatever it is you want to do and I’ll do my thing.”

“Does it have to be every Saturday? I missed you both so much last week, I didn’t know what to do with myself.” Satoru rubbed his face like a frustrated child threatening to tantrum when he noticed how your face must have flared up red like a tomato. He stopped you before you could shout at him. “I’m not saying don’t go to your mom’s at all. I’m just wondering why you can’t go tomorrow so I can take you out to dinner tonight? That’s all I’m asking.”

How was this even a conversation? “You’re here every day, how do you miss- Look, I go every Saturday. It’s been like that since before Sakura was born. I don't want to eat dinner, I want to go to my mom’s and I am going. Do not fight me on this Satoru, I have a routine- Sakura has a routine.”

“Well, when can I take you out to dinner?”

“Will you stop asking if I agree to a night next week?”

His lips tugged with a smile revealing his teeth. “Why wait? I mean I’ll take a night too for next week, but… are you sure we can’t go out tonight and then you can go round to see your Mom after?”

“Jesus, Satoru. Did you not just listen to me?”

You were folding laundry, Sakura was asleep in her crib while you and Satoru fought downstairs in the kitchen, the baby monitor clipped to your shirt. Dinner was already prepared for the next few days, neatly stacked and labelled in the refrigerator when you returned home tomorrow.

“I get that, but when are you going to start lettin’ me in? I’m really trying here and you’re making it difficult.”

“When you stop asking me to dinner every two seconds. I’m going through a lot and I don’t need you breathing down my neck with this. I’ll do it when I’m ready. I need a little more time- you said a couple of weeks, it’s just been over a week.”

The laundry became sloppy, you angrily folded and threw each tiny item of clothing into the basket with growing venom, reaching your limit each day and regretting why you and Suguru even agreed to do this.

Satoru hummed to himself, an indicator that his mood was about to change that you’d picked up on in numerous disagreements throughout the next week. It was like a flip switched inside his head you never got a glance inside, not that you wanted to.

Just the thought terrified you.

“Tell me.” He stepped closer toward you, running his finger along the kitchen counter’s edge. “Why do you want to go to your mom’s place so bad, anyway? You can’t miss one week for me?”

You stopped mid fold, Sakura’s little summer dress in half and hanging from your fingertips. “It’s routine, Satoru. Sakura needs routine or it’ll mess her sleep up entirely, she gets overstimulated too easily. And I love visiting my mom, I won’t give up those memories for no one. So stop asking.”

Also, it had nothing to do with the fact that you saw Suguru there too, this weekend being particularly important because you basically missed him the last time because of a freak incident at work with programmes and viruses or something.

“Okay.” He smiled, back to his cheerful self. “You’re right. Of course you are. Sakura’s routine is the most important thing.”

“Alright then.” You exhaled a breath you didn’t realise you were holding.

“But…” he sang, edging closer. “I’ll drive you over. It’s not wise to get behind the wheel when you’re so exhausted.”

Shit.

“It’s fine. I was planning on walking over today, it’s such a lovely day out, I’m hoping the fresh air will put Sakura to sleep.”

The silent atmosphere was one you both relished and grew anxious by, because it was neither wrong nor right. You weren’t sure just how long time went by when you tried focusing on finishing the laundry and working out your mental list of other chores like hoovering the downstairs and mopping the floor before leaving for your mom’s.

Maybe you were just more anxious that you realised.

“Well then, I’ll walk with you, how does that sound? Then I can say hi to your mom.”

It was a power play. Did he know that Suguru had moved in? No, he couldn’t have known. He and Suguru hadn’t spoken since the day he left, Suguru assured you that.

“I walk pretty slow, Sakura gets grumpy if I rush because of the cracks in the pavement-”

“Why are you against me coming, is there something I should know?”

Fucking hell.

“Why do you act like this? If you didn’t already know, you’re lanky as hell, my legs, are shorter than yours, people get pissy when people walk slow. I’m happy going on my own, I’ve walked it plenty of times.”

You snatched your phone from the kitchen counter, perhaps to add insult to injury or a dash of salt in the wound and called your mother right in front of him. If the bastard wanted a power play, you’d give it to him.

“Hi mom.”

“Hi sweetheart, everything okay?” 

It was also a way to tell her to get Suguru away from the house.

“Yeah,” Satoru watched you, eyes unblinking like they were robotic. “I might be a little late, there’s some chores I want to get done before I come over.”

She paused, the air way too heavy for normal phone conversation. “Alright, will you be over in time for lunch-”

Satoru pulled the phone out of your hand and pressed the speaker button with a warm grin, giving it back to you. He leaned arrogantly against the counter, folding one of Sakura’s milk cloths up for no reason at all.

You maintained eye contact with him for as long as possible. “Yeah, I’ll be there in time for lunch, I think. Maybe set up a plate too for Satoru, he’s walking over with me.”

“Oh, okay then… it’ll be nice to all sit down after everything that’s gone in the last week or so.”

“Yeah. I think it would be nice to talk some things over… I’ll see you later, mom.”

“Alright, love. See you soon.”

As soon as the phone line cut off, Satoru stopped folding the leftover laundry. He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and padded over to the refrigerator. “She sounded… strained, on the phone.”

“She thinks her own daughter cheated on a man she adores. How do you think she’s going to react when I tell her the man she thinks is my affair partner is coming with me to have lunch with her?”

He didn’t respond to it, utilising the heavy pressure of his silence, only pouring himself an iced tea from the jug and letting the splashing fill his invisible words.

“This is ridiculous.”

Snatching the laundry basket, you rested it on your hip and stomped off towards the stairs, cursing to yourself and putting off the other chores just to spite him, to spite yourself that you’d no doubt regret come tomorrow. But it didn’t matter, as long as it got you away from this oppressive aura the house had been surrounded by.

You ignored Satoru’s footsteps up the stairs despite your gut lurching and screaming at you to turn around and face him. The overnight bag was already packed, Sakura had been dressed ready to go for the last hour, there was nothing stopping you from leaving right now, so you decided on doing just that. Texting your mom was easy, letting her know you were ten minutes away so that Suguru could get out before you got there. Pulling your bag over your shoulder was just as easy, despite Satoru’s silent gaze from the doorway and looming presence to suffocate you.

Now, taking Sakura was more difficult.

You scooped her up and undid her swaddle, tossing it into the crib and you laid her down in the bed to straighten out her dress, making sure her little socks weren’t crooked. Picking her up should not have been your shield from him, but in a way, it was. She grounded you, kept your in a sense of security that wasn’t false or pretend.

“Who are you texting?” Satoru said from the very same spot he hadn’t moved from.

“My mom. I’m leaving now. Come with me, or don’t. I don’t care anymore.”

He didn’t step aside like you prayed he would, he blocked your exit and rested his hands above on the lintel. “I thought you still had stuff to do? I hope you’re not leaving because of anything I did… Still wanna walk?”

How could you even look at him. “I’ll just drive, I’m really not in the mood to walk now.”

“I’ll drive you.”

“No-”

“I’ll drive you.”

“You have no car seat-”

“I bought one. I installed it weeks ago. So, are you ready?”

You still didn’t look at him, failing to keep your breaths even. His chest was just as intimidating under his loose cotton shirt. Why did it even surprise you that he’d been more than prepared to counter you at every turn? It shouldn’t have, you should have predicted that he was ten steps ahead.

“Yeah…”

“Good, girl- I hope it’s all good things your mom thinks.” And there it was, his carefree grin and easy going attitude. “I’m actually really hungry now, should we get something to bring with us? Like a dessert or something?”

It put you into a state of gormless absence. “Okay…”

You followed him blindly right to the front door and the car, he placed Sakura into her car seat and moved over to to the door with a bounce in his step. He even put on you own seatbelt for you when you got in.

“Look at us, a real family going to your mom’s for lunch. This is what I looked forward to for so long. I love it- I love you. I love my girls.” Satoru glanced at Sakura through the mirror, the other smaller positioned mirror pointing towards her backwards facing car seat.

Sakura’s little hand was so warm, you rubbed the back of it with your thumb as you sat next to her, letting her reflex’s grasp your finger. It was as though you were a prisoner in the car, well, you were weren’t you?

What would Satoru do if you really went all out on him, screaming and shouting and telling him everything you thought about him? Hate. It was a strong word for someone to inwardly hold without letting it go in the heat of the moment.

Hate. Loathing. Despising his very existence.

And he was coming to have lunch with your mother in a house that your soon-to-be temporary ex-husband moved into. Suguru’s car had to be out of the street, out of the area just in case Satoru recognised it, and any sign of his living there erased.

Your mother had a plan and assured you that she’d handle it. But honestly, you couldn’t even handle yourself or the car ride over there. If Satoru saw, would the pair argue, ignore each other or just fight?

Suguru was strong, though Satoru appeared to be stronger.

How would something like that end? A call for the police, or an ambulance?

“I’m feeling Kikufuku, what about you?”

A fucking restraining order?

“I don’t mind, anything sounds good.”

Anything but this sounds good.

Chapter Text

Satoru’s laughter from the kitchen would forever haunt you. Sickly sweet enough to give you a toothache to force your dentist bill up by the thousands.

And your mother? She laughed along with him, playing to the audience just like you had asked. At first, her anger bled right through, seeping in the cracks of the fragmented illusion, then she counted her blessings and cuddled Sakura for the first awkward hour.

To an outsider, the lunch date was going splendidly. 

To you, it was your worst nightmare.

“She did the cutest thing last week. She brought her foot to her mouth and then got grumpy because she couldn’t eat it! The little princess was dribbling all over the place- oh, you should have seen the smile she had when she saw mommy- didn’t you? Yes, you love your mommy.”

Sakura cooed at Satoru, you heard from the kitchen. Your hands shook, trembled even trying to grab a glass of water, wiping away the silent tears that fell. Sakura should have shared all of these little stories with Suguru, not his psychotic ex-best friend.

What if she learns to prefer Satoru instead? She’s growing up so fast already.

Your mother chuckled in the air of the palpable space, flooding in through to the kitchen. “She is the cutest. Such a good girl too, my daughter is very lucky to have her first be so quiet.”

“I was just like her as a baby, she’s just like her dad.”

Just like her dad…

You were growing tired of the word ‘Dad’ whenever it came from Satoru’s lips. Hearing ‘Daddy’ turned your stomach like he’d already firmly cemented himself into your and your daughter’s lives.

“What are you doing out here?”

You froze, holding your breath a second longer in the hope it made you invisible. It didn’t. You had to physically stop yourself from flinching when he stood behind you, hands either side of the sink.

“Are you okay?” Satoru’s voice was low in your ear, like he was keeping it down so your mom couldn’t hear.

“Y-yeah. I’m fine, just needed a minute.”

His sudden presence made you nauseous.

“You sure? You’ve barely spoken all lunch. Well, you’ve not spoken to me unless you had to.”

What pissed you off was the blatant disregard to your own personal space where Satoru tried holding your hand at any opportunity, telling your mom how good things were despite the divorce. Just plain old delusional shit.

“I’m fine. Satoru.” Despite your sniffling, you let your breath go and slipped out of his grasp.

“You don’t look fine. Is there something I’ve done?”

Is there something he did? Did the bastard want you to punch him in the face? “I don’t want to talk about it, not here.”

Satoru switched in an instant, he took your wrist before you could even walk past and yanked you out into the garden through the back door, eyeing the hallway closely. A sharp pain ripped through arm right to your shoulder.

“Ouch!” 

You couldn’t tug away and had to wait until he let go of you, a grip so deadly tight, the skin pinched. Once the door closed so delicately, his expression didn’t match it, and once he let go, you winced.

“Really, you wanna do this now? We’re having a nice lunch, why do you insist on making this so hard? I’m trying my best to get your mom’s approval and you won’t even let me touch you?”

“First of all.” You actually stepped back as a conscious decision to which he noticed. “Don’t ever touch me like that again. Do you understand me? You almost ripped my arm out the socket.”

It fucking hurt. Like really hurt, though you tried to ignore it. Your hand throbbed, trembled, pounded in your skin like it wanted to run away from you.

“C’mon, it wasn’t that hard. Don’t change the subject. You refuse to talk about it in the kitchen, but now we’re in private. So talk about it.”

He was just going to ignore it? Prick.

“I don’t want to do this, ever. I’m not having my mom’s house turned into a war zone, it’s like that at home every day with you. Maybe the first three times I pulled away from you, you’d get the hint that I don’t want to be touched right now.”

Public displays of affection were reserved for your husband entirely.

“It’s holding hands, don’t make it out like I’m trying to get you to sleep with me or somethin’. I’m giving you the space you want, but is a little physical touch all that bad?”

From you it is, you fucking-shit-asshole-dick face-prick!

“I moved away, so respect it. Stop trampling all over me and learn to keep your distance and maybe I won't make things hard for you. You have a lot of soul searching to do, Satoru. I suggest you go home, and think about it while I’m here with,” dare you say it for emphasis? “your daughter. If you want to be a part of her life, you need to respect me, don’t undermine me and give me some goddamn time to myself! I will not tell you again. Do not touch me like that again, and step back from me so I can breath a little. Or I really will make things difficult.”

Satoru snorted, folding his arms to look away from you but still showing he was pissed off. “How, how could you make it possibly more difficult?”

Well, for one, almost pulling your arm out of the socket didn’t help keep things civil. “I’ll stop you from coming over. I’ve been really lenient with your behaviour until now, but it stops.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

Now, you wouldn’t refresh his mind on the law, knowing the man would possibly go through everything to find a loophole just to spite the entire situation. So you took him around the houses instead.

“I would. You don’t have a key yet… I just won’t let you in and you won’t see Sakura. You won’t see me…”

It was entirely to get him riled up enough, on the edge to either believe everything you say, or that he couldn’t think straight to ask the appropriate questions.

“I’m willing to make the two of us work, but in order to do that, I need to see that you’re willing to care for me like Suguru did. We never fought, yet you and me, it’s every damn day. I can’t handle being treated this way.”

Mentioning Suguru seemed like a good bet on the spot, comparing him to his ex-best friend you had been married to, had an amazing relationship with you- still had- and made it out on the other side.

“Don’t mention him- Baby, I’m not treating you badly, but making threats like that doesn’t exactly help our relationship. You’re combative most of the time, how can we be together if you’re constantly fighting me?”

You ignored everything he just said, continuing your standpoint to really drive it home. “But if you’re good, and you make an effort not to treat me the way you’ve been treating me, then maybe I’ll let you stay longer at the house. But if you don’t, I’ll really make things awkward.”

Satoru opened his mouth, closed it and opened it again, his stern expression fell. “No way… you won’t take my daughter away from me.”

“Do you want to test that theory?”

Your heart was racing, arm aching, the instinct that he’d disappear with Sakura during the night if you ever let him stay late, or god forbid he found an way to stay overnight, fought you with every beat.

A silent blanket of no sound shrouded the back garden, muffling the koi pond in the corner and sweet chips of the birds from the homemade aviary your dad built. Satoru was weighing up his options.

“No… I don’t.” For the first time, he backed down.

Triumph

“Good. So finish lunch or whatever, and go. Reevaluate yourself and we’ll talk tomorrow.” 

You left him standing there, marching on through the backdoor and over to the dinner table, grinning through the pain when you saw Sakura.

“Everything okay?” She asked, handing her off to you with a watchful eye on the hallway.

Smiling, you sat down with the baby, struggling to keep your painful wince hidden. “Of course. Satoru was just leaving, actually, there’s some stuff at the office he has to sort out. Isn’t there?”

You just knew he was behind you, it had become a sixth sense at this rate. Satoru nodded, his tail between his legs and clearly hesitating. “Uh, yeah. Sorry to leave so soon, it’s just that this thing… it’s urgent. If I don’t sort it now, I’ll lose everything.”

“Yeah, it’s best you go, you don’t want to lose everything you worked for.” It was smug, you could see his jaw tense, yet there was nothing he could do if he wanted the rest of the world to know he was this awesome guy.

“Right…” He bent down and kissed Sakura’s forehead and backed off like you were radioactive though grinned like he always did.

“See ya.”

When the door finally closed, you exhaled, close to shallow breaths and hyperventilating before your mom rushed to your side and took the baby to lay down in her little chair. She rushed back and rubbed your shoulders firmly, shushing you and kissing the top of your head like she always did, but you flinched and pulled away.

“What happened?”

“He… he’s really testing me, mom.” You hissed at the shooting electric through your shoulder. “I-I don’t know if I can do this for three months, it's been almost two weeks and I’m ready to run away- I want to run away from that house. He-he hurt me, my arm, it really hurts.” You buried your head in your hand, trying to stop it from quivering. “Where’s Suguru?”

“He fucking- I’m going to text him now, he’s not far- What did he do to you?”

You looked up, confused. “Wait… where is he?”

“He’s just at the coffee shop waiting until it was clear to come back- what did that bastard do to you, sweetheart?”

“I’m okay- he just grabbed me, but I think okay. My arm hurts. It really hurts… Jesus, fucking christ…” 

“I’ll call the police-”

“No, don’t! Please… It’ll only make things worse, when Suguru finds out- shit… How am I going to do this, mom?”

“Oh my god.” She sat down next to you, phone in hand, shaking her head with worry. “If you still really want to go through with this your way, then you’ll do it. You want to know why? Because you’re a mother now. There’s something that rewires our brains to do everything we can to make sure our babies are safe. It’s been happening since before the dawn of time… But you shouldn’t have to go through abuse to get it when there are other avenues to go down.”

After a brief pause, she took your hand and squeezed it with reassurance you grew accustomed to. “When your father passed, it was difficult… But I kept my chin up, worked two jobs, put you through school and managed to carry on like it had only been the two of us the whole time to make it consistent for you. But, you have Suguru, and he’s such a good man… I know you can do it, love, because you need to so your family remains consistent.”

“I miss dad.” You said, wiping the tears away, sniffling at the memories. “What if… what if Satoru tries taking her away from me, mom?”

“Me too, sweetheart. I think he’d be turning on mover in his grave if he found out about this.” She hummed to herself and was not the least bit impressed. “If Satoru ever tries that, I’ll track the idiot down myself and strangle his neck until he doesn’t move any more. I’ll happily do the time in prison. Especially if he hurts you again.”

It actually made you laugh a little, a hiccup and you were back to admiring your daughter kicking in her chair. “I could definitely see that happening, Mom.”

“And I’d be right there with you if he ever did anything stupid like that, because I know you’d do anything for that little girl, because you’re shaping out to be such a good mother.”

“Thank you, mom.”

Whilst you tried to clear up from lunch, noting how your wrist started to swell and sore though insisting to your mom that you were fine without an ice pack, the door knocked. You shouldn’t have jumped, but the abrupt knocking came, well… abruptly. Your mom looked through the peephole before she opened the door, muttering to herself and opened it cautiously.

Suguru stepped through, clocking you immediately. You didn’t bother to dry your hands or bother to be cautious of spillage, you flocked straight to your husband.

“Honey, are you alright? Your mom said-”

“I’m better now that you’re here.” You kissed him quick, chaste, arms around each other like lost lovers. 

“What did he do?” Suguru’s eyes bounce between you and your mom. “What’s happened?”

“Suguru, my wrist… it’s really hurting.”

He held it delicately, noting how swollen it actually was. That’s when his eyes darkened. “I’ll kill him, I’ll-”

“No, Suguru, don’t. Please. I’ll tell you all about it, but can you take me to the hospital? I think I need to get it looked at.”

“Of course. Get your things and tell me on the way-”

“Wait- shit. I have to nurse, we might be hours, Sukura’s due her feed soon.” You trudged over you your daughter and rubbed her cheek with your index finger, grabbing the pump out of your bag and a few spare bottles. “I’ll pump and then we’ll go.”

“I’ll grab you an ice pack.” Your mom disappeared off into the kitchen.

Suguru picked Sakura up and rocked her, taking long breaths in, smelling her head until he calmed a little. “Honey, I need you to tell me everything.”

Thos was not how you saw your Saturday going.

Chapter Text

“I can’t believe he did that.” Suguru held your other hand firmly, bouncing his knee.

He wanted to find Satoru and punch his face, to hurt him more than he’d hurt Suguru, but ten times over for hurting you. While he couldn’t abide how Satoru had gone through with all this, he could put this irreparably damaged relationship that would never recover to the side. But he couldn’t ever see a way to even think or repair what he’d done to you.

Satoru was out of his life entirely, Suguru wanted nothing more to do with him after this was all over, but if this was what you were going to endure, Suguru wanted to pull the plug right now. You sat with him in some hallway, waiting to see the doctor, talks of an x-ray and medication were mentioned. No way could he let this go on.

Suguru never thought for a second that Satoru would purposely hurt you. He had his flaws, sure, but as far as he hoped, it was more psychological warfare you had to keep your guard against, not physical.

It seemed he stood corrected, again.

“It took me by surprise too. It’s his mood swings, Suguru. I can say one thing and he’ll take it the complete opposite way… I don’t think I can keep going like this.”

Suguru shook his head, running his thumb over the back of your hand. “I’m going to talk to him after this-“

“No. If you do, he’ll know we’re still talking. He’ll know something’s up.”

He’d take Satoru knowing over you in pain and having his daughter subject to that environment. Suguru tapped his foot and checked his watch, already an hour had gone past, just waiting, stewing in his own anger and having to hide it for you.

“If he knows, then we go to plan B, if this is what he’s doing, then it’s not safe to do it. I’ll move back in and we’ll fight this together. I can’t sleep knowing you’re over there all on your own, knowing he’s around you just waiting for more.”

The hallway stood vaguely empty besides a few nurses marching in and out of the area, speaker voices echoed through every now and then, calling specific doctor’s names to random departments that weren’t even on this floor.

You turned to him a little, resting your swollen wrist in your lap. “Can we just see how he is tomorrow? I really think I was getting somewhere with him after. Like I managed to leash him a little. As soon as I threatened to stop him seeing Sakura, he backed down.”

Suguru couldn’t help but look at it every few seconds, or glare at it more intently whenever you looked away for a brief moment. So swollen and red, he could practically see it throbbing angrily at him as though to say ‘look at what you did, this is all your fault.’

It wasn’t a lie.

Suguru tried to ignore those voices long enough to hold a conversation. “But how long will you have that safety blanket for? He’ll realise at some point that if you haven’t done it yet, then you probably won’t.” With Satoru as intelligent as he was, he’d figure that it was bullshit eventually.

“But he’ll have to weigh things out on that balance of probability, Suguru. We were never fully close, he doesn’t know what I’ll do to get to the other side of things. I don’t think he knows just how much I trust you.”

Trust was the most important aspect in a relationship, he never questioned your devotion to him or how invested you were in this relationship, just like how much he hoped you thought the same with him too. Still, Suguru couldn’t see this lasting situation for almost three months.

“I know that, I really do, though maybe court really is the better way to go. He’ll go hard, but maybe we made the wrong decision. You’re hurt.” He cradled your wrist, making his eye contact with properly you for the first time. ”Look at what he did to you, and I wasn’t there to stop it. We should pull the plug on this before it gets more dangerous than it already is. I made the wrong call and I’ll live with that for the rest of my life.”

“Isn’t court really scary though?”

How could he soften the blow for you when you were looking at him like that? “Yeah, it is. Hiromi told me all about how family court can go.”

“And there’s still a chance he’ll try to take Sakura away from me, isn’t there?”

He didn’t want to agree. “There is.”

“Then we keep going how we’ve been going. That bastard isn’t taking her away from us. I’ll die before that happens.”

Suguru couldn’t tell where all this sudden determination came from, though it could have been your maternal side, or just plain hatred for Satoru. He wanted to agree with you, to tell you it would all work out, but how could he be so sure when your injury was the result?

However, before he could utter a word, you were called into the doctor’s office. And when you sat down, Suguru didn’t really know what to do with himself. You spoke for yourself, as it should be, but hearing everything again, Suguru tried to keep his emotions in check.

It didn’t help that the doctor kept eyeing him like he was the one who did it.

Then, the question that she asked you when an entire chest and arm x-ray was discussed, stopped Suguru thinking completely. Because it was entirely irrelevant.

“Before we go through, is there any possibility that you’re pregnant?”

You shook your head immediately. “I’m nine weeks postpartum. There’s no way.”

“Right, she shuffled through her notes and must have reread your file. I just wanted to check due to the position of the x-ray we’ll be taking. So you’ve had no unprotected sex since you gave birth?”

Suguru put up his hand like a child, fucking hell. “We did, just over a week ago- Week and a half.”

“Only once.”

“It only takes one time.” The doctor put her notes down. “It's a little early, but we can do a test quickly before you go in then… What’s wrong? Do you need a minute?”

You looked at Suguru as though to say, ‘is this really necessary?’

He cleared his throat and rubbed his neck, having no choice but to comment about his cock and balls. “My sperm count is really low… we’ve been trying for a couple years with no luck, we needed a donor in the end. So, uh… I don’t think a test will be necessary.”

“I’m sorry, but we’ll still need to do it, if you’ve had unprotected sex, I need to follow procedure.” She smiled and stepped over to a few drawers with a pot and a pregnancy test. “Please take those and test for me, if you need water, just let me know.”

You sighed and took them from her, stepping out into the hall and stopping. “Suguru?”

“What is it, honey?”

“Can you help me? I won’t be able to get my pants down, mom had to help me last time.”

Suguru shot up from his seat and ignored the watchful stare from the doctor. “Of course I can.”

Stepping into the toilet, you set the things on the sink and just stood there. “I really didn’t think my saturday night would be having you help me pee into a cup… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not like I haven’t seen everything before, I watched you give birth, remember? This is nothing.” He knelt down and popped the button of your jeans, pulling the material over your hips along with your underwear.

“You’re too sweet saying that after all that’s happened.” You sat down on the toilet when you were ready, holding the cup between your legs and just waited.

“It’s true,” his hand found your knee. “We’ll get through all this, I promise we’ll make it out on the other side, honey.”

“I know we will, we just don’t need this either.”

Despite having Sakura so recently, it still opened old wounds that Suguru knew would never heal. Because in that respect he just wasn’t good enough. Still wasn’t good enough.

“I know, but it’s a little hiccup, that’s all. I’m still spending time with you… even with the circumstances.”

It would come up negative, just like every other test you took before Satoru got involved. Negative, a failure, a poor excuse of a man without a working dick.

You pulled the pot out after and Suguru took it without question, setting it onto the side and dipping the test into it like you and he had done so many times. He pulled it out and set it down, helping you with your underwear and jeans, kissing the exposed skin of your stomach as he did the button back up.

“So, it’s negative again, right?” You asked, padding over to wash your hands.

Suguru flickered his eyes to it. “Yeah.”

“Alright then.”

He helped you wash your hands and dry them, tipping your pee down the toilet to discard the pot into the designated trashcan before he could wash his own.

“Oh my god.”

Suguru made sure he was touching you somehow, a hand on your shoulder or your free arm. “Is it your wrist-”

The pregnancy test. He read it wrong. The faintest line, barely visible, but it was there.

“What the hell?” 

“You’re… you’re pregnant?”

You nodded slowly. “But… it was just... how- oh my god.”

The bathroom was silent, so heavy on Suguru’s shoulders, he waited to see your response before he involuntarily gave you his.

“I…” was that a smile he saw? “Oh my god, I’m pregnant."

He embraced you, kissing your hair in that dim doctor's bathroom. His dick worked. His fucking dick worked.

"This could a false positive right- a mistake?... Oh shit- Satoru, I forgot about Satoru. What the hell do we do-”

“Shh, don’t worry about that. We can figure that out. Let’s get this x-ray done and we’ll talk about it later.”

“O-okay, yeah, you’re right. We’ll talk about it later.” You nodded and kissed him, eyes full of something he recognised when you were pregnant with Sakura. Awe, and scared shitless.

Suguru walked out of there with your hand in his, sitting back down in the office like two teenagers caught after being up to no good and graffiting the bathroom stall or skipping school. Not two adults that just found out they were going to have two babies under two.

“So, I am pregnant… well, according to this. Still a little early.” 

“Right, okay, that’s fine, we’ll just need to readjust what x-ray we give you.” She eyed Suguru again. “Do you want to follow me and we’ll get you in and out quickly so you can go home, but before you go, you should make some appointments with reception for your scan.”

You nodded and disappeared with the doctor, leaving Suguru on his own. He sat there for a minute, trying to gather his thoughts and take everything in.

Holy shit, I’m going to be a dad again. Sakura is going to have a baby brother or sister…

And this news couldn’t have come at a worse time either. Who knew all it took to get you pregnant was emotional car sex. So many attempts, and literally all it took was once, after you had already given birth to Sakura.

Shit, Suguru’s dick actually worked.

“My dick works.” He mumbled it under his breath in a daze. “It actually fucking works.”

Now Satoru couldn’t throw it in his face any more. At the end of the day, Suguru may have only fathered one child, but he was a dad of two. Satoru couldn’t throw insults at his low sperm count anymore. It just proved he really didn’t need him, Satoru had nothing to offer Suguru in his life in any capacity.

That being said, how the hell could you and he move this forward without Satoru knowing? It was smooth for the most part, but you threw up non-stop being pregnant with Sakura, the first few months were hell for you, though you never saw it that way. Satoru would find out. No way he wouldn’t.

How would this affect the plan you still wanted to go ahead with? You’d have to tell Satoru you were pregnant if he decided to try and get physical again, and he’d know that you and Suguru were still seeing each other. 

Over a week was as early as it could get. It was by pure chance that this even happened before you got any nausea or cravings. That would mean you’d be close to three months along by the time you and Suguru could marry again, then with the adoption process and other court proceedings, you’d be ready to give birth.

Satoru could take advantage of that.

You returned soon enough, with a support on your wrist and a bag of medication. The doctor smiled and you dropped it when she saw Suguru. “Just a sprained wrist, her shoulder is fine, it just needs rest… If there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to call me.”

She handed over a card with a sympathetic smile. You took it just as confused as Suguru was. “Right… Okay, well, thanks.”

Suguru opened the door for you and followed you out. “Was it me, or-”

“She thought you did this?” Lifting up your arm to show the support around it. “Yes. She was asking me all sorts of weird questions. I understand she has a duty- oh, never mind that right now, I set her straight even though she was still looking at you weird. What do we do about the other thing we have now?”

A baby. Another baby. “Maybe we should talk to your mom?”

“Yeah, let’s talk to my mom.”

Chapter Text

“Am I hearing this right?” Your mom tapped her foot and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You’re pregnant again.”

Suguru could tell you were getting more stressed than you let on. “I know, mom, we didn’t plan this.”

“Sakura is only two months old, she’ll barely be a year when this one is born. You should always wear protection when you aren’t trying, we went through this-“

Then, you let it out and Suguru didn’t stop you. “If you really want to know, we haven’t been using protection for most of our relationship, and I’ve never gotten pregnant, so excuse me for thinking one time wouldn’t make any difference!”

The thing was, your mom knew about Suguru’s fertility issues.

Suguru shot up from his seat, arms apart to ease you and your mother away from each other. “I think we should all take a minute and keep our voices down, Sakura’s upstairs.”

Your mom shoved her hand in the air at you. “Talk some sense into her Suguru.”

Yeah, he wasn’t about to do that. “Well, I’m just as involved as she is. I think we need to have a few deep breaths and I can make some tea, but I think stress isn’t helping the situation.”

“Sweetie.” Your mom began. “Now isn’t a good time to have another baby, I get the significance-”

“You think I don’t know that? Of course it isn’t a good time, but we’ve been trying for ages to have a baby together-”

“And you have Sakura-”

“I know that! But I’m having this baby too, with or without your support.” You paced away from her. “Do you know how pieces of my heart kept breaking with every negative test? The countless doctors appointments only to be told that the chance-if we ever could have a baby together-was so slim that the doctors practically wrote it off. I lost a part of me trying, and I know we’ll make it work.” Then, you turned back. “I will make it work. But I cannot, and will not turn my back on this because of timing. Because of Satoru.”

And like your mom’s fashion, she switched completely to support you. “Alright then, so what should we do about Satoru?”

“I’ll tell him I’m pregnant, he’ll just have to get used to it. Know that I… Oh shit.” You froze, staring off towards the wallpapered wall.

Suguru hastily stepped over to you, his eyes stricken with worry. “Honey?”

Still frozen, your breathing rasped slightly. “Suguru, I told him we never slept together after the pregnancy to put him off, he’ll know I lied to him. Shit. Fuck- he’s really finnicky about lying, he got all weird about me when I lied about how exhausted I was.”

Suguru knew you were exhausted already, and now that he wasn’t there to care for Sakura during the day, his conscience was eating him away at the seams and after it left your mouth, it became real, more than real.

He tried to ignore his intrusive thoughts battling with his self worth. “Maybe we can just hide it until the wedding? Once we’re married, he can’t really do anything after that.”

Your mom stepped up “What if this gets dragged out longer than it means to? She’ll start showing- not to mention the nausea, he’ll find out.”

“What should we do, Suguru?” You took his hands in yours, trembling at the very thought. “I mean, he’ll just be grumpy, right? M-maybe I could just blame baby brain, that I forgot we slept together… right?”

The thing about Satoru was, he never missed a beat. It was one of the reasons he was as successful as he was, he saw right through people’s bullshit and in honesty, Suguru was surprised that the original plan had worked so far.

“I… I don’t know if he’ll just be grumpy, honey.” Though Suguru never saw Satoru’s temper for how his ex portrayed him, his gut couldn’t play it off. “Look at what he’s done already, you haven’t done much to exactly provoke him, and he’s put your wrist in a brace.”

“So… So you can move back in and we’ll take the court route- I know I said I didn’t want to do it, but things have changed, we don’t have a choice, do we?” You began to pace from the sofa, past the wall mounted television, and to Suguru.

“You said it yourself though, he has a better chance of taking Sakura away if we take that route.”

“This would be so much easier if he believed this baby was his too…” your mom muttered it under her breath, but Suguru was close enough to hear perfectly.

“How on earth would we do that? There’s no way-”

“What? What is it?” You asked, stopping like some deranged woman looking for any reason to go into hiding.

“N-Nothing, honey. Just a random thought, it’s not important.”

“If it’s an idea, I want to hear it. If it could stop this volcano from erupting and keep us all together, then I want to hear it. Please let me hear it…” You huffed, head bouncing back and forth between Suguru and your mom. “Don’t go quiet on me, one of you, please say something.”

Suguru couldn’t bring himself to say it, how could he? A suggestion that Satoru even touched you in that way, Suguru wanted to vomit right there on the floor. His wife. His wife. And Satoru being given permission to touch you when you wouldn’t want to, drove Suguru close to insanity.

But, your mom said it anyway. “The idea was if you could convince Satoru that this baby was his too, it might keep things status quo.”

“That’s ridiculous, the only way I could convince him would be to-” Your long drawn and agonizing pause caused suguru’s skin to crawl all over itself, your crazed eyes not so crazy, but more hurt and downtrodden. “Mom, you didn’t just suggest that.”

She huffed and lazily rubbed her face with a desperation Suguru had never seen before. “It was a fleeting thought, honey- it just came out, Suguru, tell her.”

“Yeah, she didn’t actually suggest it, honey. It was just a passing thought.”

“A passing thought that the only we can get out of this situation is to sleep with Satoru and reveal I’m pregnant in two weeks? He’ll expect more after- you know what? I can’t do this right now.”

“Sweetie, come back.” Your mom called out as you stormed off up the stairs. “Suguru, can you see any way out of this? Because realistically, I can only see that way, or court, or lying and putting her and Sakura at risk. There’s no hiding this, and that man is dangerous.”

He nodded to keep the peace and followed you up the stairs where you sat on the edge of your bed, holding Sakura in your arms while you sniffled.

“Honey?” He knocked gently, you never turned, only cried away from him.

“I don’t know what to do. I can’t risk him taking her, Suguru- I can’t do it.”

But Suguru couldn’t risk you telling Satoru the truth and having you in that house with Sakura all on your own. What if he began stalking and harassing you whenever you left the house if Suguru moved back in? He wanted to desperately, but the thought of his presence making things worse for you made him nauseous.

Maybe hiding the pregnancy as long as you could was the best thing. You were so sick at the start of an otherwise smooth pregnancy though.

“You need to do what you think is the right thing, I’ll support you fully for whatever you choose.”

“Okay, so either go to court when this man could take our daughter away with his money which would bankrupt us in the process, I could possibly hide my pregnancy and hope the paperwork gets sorted quickly so I don’t have to throw up every morning when I know he’ll pick up on it, and see straight through a lie that it’s food poisoning when I still have to breastfeed Sakura.” Again, you paced, crossing your arms and taking little reassuring peeks at Sakura every time you passed her. 

“Or, I can tell him the truth and it could potentially make him worse than he already is and make our lives more complicated, then he could still take me to court. Or… I can just sleep with him once and play make believe for a little while, even though he’ll want more than just once because he constantly reminds me of how in love with me he is, and how much he wants to be a family. Yeah… real good options.”

“Like I said… Whatever you think is the best. I’ll… I’ll follow you.”

He couldn’t look at you when he said it, staring away at a spot on the wall because he knew what your reaction would be. Hurt, unbelievable agony that the man you loved even entertained the idea that this was okay.

It wasn’t by far. Though what other options did you and he have? All were dangerous in their own way. Give up money that wasn’t there, give up physical safety, or dignity. Or all three.

Like he expected, you glared at him like he’d actually asked for a divorce. “So, you’d be happy giving me a free pass then? Seriously, Suguru. This is ridiculous. How could you possibly even-”

“For our family?... If you chose that… Fucking hell- If you chose that, then please, just don’t tell me anything about it. I know it’s so fucking selfish- I know that. I’ll hate myself for ever putting that on you. I just- I’ll support you with what you choose, you want to go to court? We’ll find the money somehow. You want to tell him the truth? Then I’ll move back in and we’ll face the issue together, which would probably mean going to court again.” Suguru scratched his head, trying to rub the frustration out.

You and Satoru, together that way. It was heartbreaking.

“If you want to hide it, I’ll get you whatever I can find to keep the nausea down, even though none of it worked last time. I’m sure we’ll find something… But please, If you want to choose that option, please just don’t tell me. But know that I trust you, I just can’t bear the thought of him touching you like that.”

“Neither can I… I really don’t know what to do.” Sakura’s soft breaths filled the space between you and Suguru. “I never thought we’d be here, resorting to stuff like this.”

“I know. I don't know what to suggest.” He said your name. “I never thought someone I was so close to would do something so horrible to us. I would have gone to the end of the earth for him.”

The whole matter just raised his blood pressure, how your arm was strapped up made his blood boil, and just the thought that the bastard might get his way and touch you inappropriately, well, it made him see red.

“Wait here, honey.” He kissed Sakura’s head, then yours.

“Suguru, what are you gonna do?”

“Nothing I shouldn’t have done before.” He never even bothered to grab his coat, just his car keys.

You followed him out of the room but he didn’t stop to entertain you. “Suguru!”

He stomped off down the stairs where your mom waited, arms folded, eyes wide. “What’s going on- you’ll wake the baby.”

Suguru shook his head, preparing himself for what was to come. “No matter what happens, I’ll make things livable for my girls. It’s long overdue, but I promise I won’t bring trouble to your door.”

Then he left, heading through the garage and slamming his door shut like it was insulting him personally. Satoru insulted him personally. He played diplomatic, and look where it got him. You were in pain, upset and pregnant, and Sakura was in the middle of it all.

This was all Satoru’s doing, and Suguru was going to set the man straight before he did something Suguru regretted for the rest of his life.

Chapter Text

With the curtain drawn, Satoru sat in darkness.

The sun must have been setting by now, drooping lower and lower like his mood. He scratched at the perfectly spaced stitching on the arm of his leather chair, hoping to keep a lid on his brain before it made him do something he regretted.

How could you do that to him? Speak to him with such vitriol, threatening to take his baby away from him. Sakura was his daughter, not a prize to be kept just out of his reach.

Suguru was out of the picture now, so why were you hellbent on dragging the inevitable out? It was to hurt him, that’s why. Being manipulative was something Satoru never thought was in your repertoire, not to use against him when all he wanted to give you was his love.

Satoru wanted to cherish you in the ways he’d seen his best friend treat you, lovingly to make you smile and watch him in a way when he wasn’t looking. Like he was the only man in the room.

But you didn’t. You glared at him with hatred and loathing, he saw it that your eyes when you thought he wasn’t looking. All Satoru wanted was your love in return and he wasn’t sure how to get it.

How did Suguru get it so easy? Was there some sort of magical solution Satoru overlooked? He was perfect, healthy, handsome, had money and all the stability you could want with Sakura. He just wasn’t sure what more he could offer you.

The way you looked at him back there… threatening Satoru to prevent him access to his daughter. 

Well, that just wouldn’t happen, and the more Satoru sat on it, he knew that would end in tears. He’d move earth and the moon to stop that from happening, a few last resort choices if it came down to it.

You wouldn't have a choice-

Satoru shook his head, frustratedly pinching the bridge of his nose for even contemplating something so dark. You had riled him up, nothing more. If he was someone who jumped the gun and rushed in head first to all his problems, Satoru would have gone right back over to your mom’s house and demanded you talk to him.

Though it would only dig your feet in deeper and push you away.

Fucking hell.

Satoru tapped on the leather over and over, the soft thud of his foot padding over the shag rug repetitively. What the fuck was he going to do?

He hit it with his fingertips more erratically, with a sudden change, eagerness, vexation and a niggling sensation in his gut that he wasn’t good enough.

How could Satoru Gojo not be good enough?

“I am good enough… I’m perfect.” He climbed out of the armchair in a sudden storm. “Why doesn’t she see that?!”

It took three loud crashes of separate items of his shelves to set him on a darker path, the thought he squashed down in his brain resurfaced.

But the knock at the door managed to quell it for now. You must have come to see him, to make things right. Satoru rushed to open the door with your name on his lips.

He was sorely disappointed.

 “Suguru…”

He didn’t even see Suguru’s fist connect with his jaw. Perhaps it was because of how crazy you drove him, or the thought of never seeing Sakura again, it made him too blind to see right in front of his face.

“You bastard!” Suguru stepped inside and slammed the door behind him. “If you ever lay a hand on her again, I will end your life, Satoru. It’s a promise!”

“What are you talking about?”

Though it begged the question for Satoru why Suguru was discussing you in the first place. Were you and he still taking behind his back?

Suguru paced erratically, Satoru had never seen him so furiously red faced. “I went over to her mom’s to pick up some things I forgot there, I go in and see her crying because her wrist hurts- I’ve just spent hours down at that hospital to get it x-rayed!”

You went to the hospital? This was news to him. Surely he didn’t pull you that hard?

“Suguru-“

“You sprained her wrist, luckily nothing is broken, but you hurt her, Satoru. You hurt her…” Suguru’s eyes were red, puffy. “Now, while I can’t stop what happens between you two, and the choices she made, I can’t do anything to stop it. But what I can do is make sure that you never hurt her again.”

Satoru stood there, leaving himself open should Suguru decide to hit him again and honestly, he wouldn’t blame him. Satoru’s behaviour suddenly became blatantly obvious. This whole time he thought you had put on the theatrics to avoid the conversation.

But he’d actually caused you physical pain.

Though, despite how he was feeling, being approached like this naturally put his defenders up. So, Satoru ignored the sinking pit in his gut and disregarded Suguru completely.

“It was a disagreement, I’m not getting into it with you. Don’t get involved in my relationship with her. I never did with you two when you were together.”

Suguru’s face screwed up with obvious feigned confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.” Satoru waited for his friend to respond, and when he never did, he took the moral high ground for an advantage. “Remember the girl who tried to-“

“Don’t make it out like there was an issue in my relationship. She was a very sick girl and had done it to two other men in my old college group. I did nothing to prompt that response and my wife knows it.”

“Ex-wife.”

The final dig into his sternum. Satoru realised earlier down the line that he was the best for you, especially with the troubles you faced. Suguru was nowhere near good enough for you, not to meet Satoru’s standards.

Only he was good enough for you.

Though having said that, Satoru had a lot of making up to do for hurting you. If his gut had a physical form and personality, it would be kicking his ass ten fold and blaming him for everything.

I need to see her.

“Not yet.” Suguru said, almost standing toe-to-toe, his face full of a disheartening sadness. “She’s still my wife until the divorce goes through… but regardless, despite all she’s done to me and how both of you have given me no choice in being able to see my daughter-“

“She’s my daughter, Suguru.”

He ignored him. “Despite all that, I will always love her, it’s foolish and some day I’d like to get over her, but until that ever happens, I’ll always be there to protect her.”

So he’d never be fully out of your life, that’s what Suguru was saying.

“While I’m not happy that you two are… fucking hell... If it’s what she wants, then that’s what she wants. God knows how much she’s been through and her happiness is what I want- even if mine is thrown to the dogs. So I’m making this promise, Satoru, if you ever hurt her again, or touch her in a way she doesn’t want, I’ll wipe you from existence.”

Like hell he would.

Regardless of their past relationship being in the state of literal sworn brothers, Satoru was happy to throw it out of the window. There would always be a part of him that would miss his friend, but it was completely overshadowed by his love and infatuation for you.

He’d hidden it long enough.

It should have been Satoru that met you first, not Suguru. 

“You can do what you want, Suguru. What we do in our own time has nothing to do with you. Our relationship problems have nothing to do with you. I don’t want to see you anywhere near her, don’t come by the house, not at her mom’s house and don’t keep trying to talk to her because she doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“The house?” Suguru backed away and shook his head. “I still pay into that house, half of it’s mine. If I want to go back there to get something else,  I will.”

Satoru had a simple solution for that. “Then stop paying into the house, I’ll pay for it, I have plenty of money to make my girls' lives better. I’ll be moving in there soon enough, anyway. So withdraw your payments and I’ll take over- better yet I’ll just buy it outright.”

Another stab to his friends back.

He planned to make it up to you and win your affections so that he could move in. The ultimate goal was your love in return and he swore to himself he’d earn it if he spent all his time around you, not just for hours at a time.

Feelings by proximity at least.

Satoru’s determination had never steered him wrong this far into his adulthood, it wouldn’t lead him astray here either.

“You’re moving in?” Suguru came back to face Satoru, his face half in disgust and utter shock.

He nodded slowly, almost in a smug fashion to gage his reaction. “Yep. We’ve been getting pretty comfortable with each other now that we don’t have to sneak around. A proper little family without you-“

He punched Satoru again, this time Satoru let him hit that same spot. Satoru knew he was pushing him to the edge, jabbing him with a stick until he bit his arm off.

“You fucker. You couldn’t wait to jump onto my shoes and play house with my wife, could you?!”

Though Suguru held up his fists ready to fight him, Satoru didn’t hold up his hands to defend himself, nor did he make a threatening move that suggested he’d fight back either.

He didn’t want to end up killing him.

“I can’t help that I’m in love with her, I just am. Just like she can’t help that she has feelings for me. We just work together-“

“Yeah? So why did she said to her mom that you grabbed her so hard you almost pulled her arm out the socket. She’s wearing a wrist brace because of it!” Suguru jabbed his face again, feeling his nose pop a little, most likely making it bleed.

“It never meant to happen like this-“ Satoru pinched the bridge of his nose, sniffing at the warm drip down his lip. “I told you it was none of your business.”

“You made it my business the day you decided to pursue my wife. You utterly selfish son of a bitch.”

“She’s your ex-wife!” Satoru couldn’t stand hearing him call you that any longer. “She’s my girlfriend now. You don’t own her, so let her be.”

He expected Suguru to hit him again, but he let the silence do that. A heavy silence that sucked the air out of the room just like their friendship.

“Just how long were you planning this for?”

“What do you mean?” Satoru knew exactly what he meant.

“You said she came on to you, that she made the first move, but I don’t believe that. It’s a little too convenient. Were you planning this all along, to split us up so you could have her all to yourself?”

“She did come to me first.” He lied. “If we’re getting it all out, then I may as well say that this was way before she fell pregnant. Why do you think I volunteered to donate? She wanted me as much as I wanted her, and now we have a biological child together, just like we aimed for.”

It was perfect, the look on Suguru’s face, his lost expression souring Satoru to deliver the finishing blow.

“The thing is, if she had picked me sooner, we wouldn’t have struggled having kids-“ 

Suguru lunged at him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, yelling obscenities as he got him on the ground. 

“You fucking asshole! You ruined my marriage, my family!”

Satoru rolled him over before he could land another hit, still opting to keep himself away from knocking him out and doing more damage than you would appreciate.

But as time went on, Satoru couldn’t see that light at the end of the tunnel, that close to ‘fucking it off’ and killing the man.

He didn’t want to do that, not when it would affect you.

“She’s hurting because of you, and where were you? You left her on her own and I dealt with the pieces because you were never meant to be the one for her. You abandoned her!” Suguru struggled, but didn’t use his full strength to topple Satoru off of him.

“No, no. She asked me to leave and I respected her decision!” After threatening him with Sakura. “It was all a miss understanding- you think I’d just leave if she needed the hospital? I would have taken her to my private doctor instead of that stuffy old hospital, but she never called me!”

Suguru scoffed and put more strength behind himself, hitting the coffee table in the process. “Of course she wouldn’t call you, you’re the one who hurt her!”

“You don’t get it, Suguru.” Satoru managed to keep him on the floor where he was. “I love her, and I’ll need to make it up to her for the rest of her life, but it was a misunderstanding. I’ll make it right. I promise. I’ll take good care of my girls, but you need to let me do it. Stay away from us and don’t make contact again.”

Suguru stopped struggling and laid there with Satoru straddled over him, panting, looking away in shame. Towards who though, he wasn’t sure, but Satoru took it as his sign of submission to the situation.

So, he climbed off and said the only thing he could now. “You can leave now, but understand that I’m not going anywhere, so stay away from us, and there won’t be a problem.”

Because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be responsible for his actions.

And those actions would end up getting Suguru killed.

Chapter Text

You paced continuously and saw to your daughter each time you heard her from your mom’s room. 

Now, you weren’t exactly on good terms with your mother right now, but the more you ran over your only options in your head, it was beginning to corner you. All terrible options, but what would ensure the smoothest transition? You didn’t know.

“Suguru?” You hadn't heard the front door unlock, and then he was just there on the threshold. “Where did you go? Don’t tell me-“

He closed the bedroom door behind him. “Satoru shouldn’t be an issue for a while, I talked to him.”

“You did what?”

Suguru’s hands trembled, shaking with battered knuckles, brushing and partially bloody. “I’m sorry honey, but I couldn’t sit by and let anyone treat you that way, especially someone I thought was so close to me. You’re hurting and I did what I thought was best to make the situation better for you.”

You couldn’t believe what he was saying. Satoru would know you and Suguru were taking, realise that all of this was a plan you and he had set up. It would only draw him closer, more involved to split you and Suguru apart.

“Satoru is going to know we talked, Suguru, why did you-“

“He thinks I just came over by chance. A coincidence, that’s all.” He took your hands firmly like they’d reassure you. “If he asks, I took you to the hospital because I was picking something up I’d forgotten. You need to tell him that- exactly that.”

You didn’t melt into him like he must have expected. “I can’t believe you went there- he'll know something's up, he always does, it’s a miracle he hasn’t found out what we’re planning yet, Suguru, he’s not going to let this slide.”

Suguru stepped closer though you backed away a little, hurt that he’d even put Sakura in a position like this. 

“Trust me, honey. He won’t. But I had to do something to make it bearable for you. If he feels for you the way he states, this won’t be a problem. All I did was plant some seeds and-“

“Fight him?” 

Looking at his hands, they looked far worse for wear up close. The top layer of skin on his knuckles rolling and red, swollen from trauma.

Suguru looked away from you, avoiding your gaze completely. “I admit I may have lost control… but after sitting on my hands for weeks, I had to do something. We’re having another baby, I needed to set him straight before he thinks he can terrorise my whole family. I’ll protect you and Sakura with my life… Satoru needs to know he isn’t the one in full control here.”

You watched your husband through teary eyes, shaking your head at his behaviour, his words. "Another baby, Suguru. How will that work if you end up arrested?"

If the roles were switched, most likely you would have done the same, but the line between danger and comfort was so thin it drained your brain to the point of exhaustion. Your wrist was killing you, still throbbing despite the medication, Satoru had done that, and now he was aware of it. It wouldn't take long until your phone rang off the hook, or you received countless desperate messages expressing who knows what type of emotions. Anger, upset, panic, maybe all three wrapped up onto one with words he’d regret.

Satoru Gojo was draining enough without this being thrown into the mix as well.

 “I'm not going anywhere. Everything I did tonight, it was your comfort in mind- though it doesn’t seem that way, I put some things into his head that I think will stick.”

“You did?”

“Yes… I thought maybe I could get him to cool off, but I know where his head is now- you know he brought up that woman from work?”

Oh dear… the one who tried to ruin your relationship with Suguru. A woman hell bent of ruining his work life too, threatening to hurt herself because of him. It was a difficult time but you stuck by Suguru with trust. You didn’t doubt for a second that any of it were true.

“Right. He’s just trying to break you, I think he’ll say anything to try and get us to doubt each other.”

You thought back to the accusation of Suguru’s infidelity at the convention, all proven to be bullshit of course. It didn’t make it hurt any less, but you stayed strong, keeping a level head. It looked like Suguru was doing the same.

“I know.” He said. “Satoru tried to paint that you and he had planned the whole donor stuff and were seeing each other earlier than he originally said. He must be getting desperate, especially now he knows he hurt you. He’s far more delusional than I thought.”

“Why does he keep spewing this bullshit? I’m tired of this.”

“The weird thing is, when I fought him, he didn’t hit me back- now we’ve had plenty of scraps in the past, so why did he not go for me this time? It’s how we’ve always settled disagreements, it’s just how we do things, but he didn’t this time.”

The whole thing sounded off, your gut was telling you so. “Oh my god... maybe he knows something-What if he did that so he can call the police on you? Suguru, we need to think this through.”

“No, I don’t think so.” Suguru shook his head and caressed your cheek for the first time. “He would have let something slip, he always likes to think he’s the most important person in the room, and he did nothing. Satoru likes to handle things in his own, not get others involved if he can help it. I think we might be okay… but I need to stay out of the way now, he made it clear I keep out of it and I don’t want it affecting you if he finds out I’m in the area. I’ll need to be extra careful.”

“Fucking hell. When will this end?”

“It will eventually, honey. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, we just have to wait for it.”

You couldn’t bear thinking about it now. “Come on, let’s get your hands cleaned up.”

After you went to sleep that night and woke up, it was clear it wasn’t a nightmare. Even the drive home after saying goodbye to Suguru for another week sat like bitter almonds on your tongue, and weakly sitting on good terms with your mom again only made the options you had in front of you all the more damaging.

Of course you wouldn’t sleep with Satoru, it was preposterous, ridiculous. You wouldn’t sink yourself to that level and effectively cheat on your husband though he reiterated that morning that he was okay with it. In no universe would he be fine with his wife sleeping with his ex-best friend, not even if the reason was to protect the family, it was just plain wrong.

The feeling remained when you reached the house, its ominous presence weighing in your stomach as you exited your mom’s car she let you borrow and picked Sakura up from her car seat.

Your name being called was the clincher, making your stomach twist before you could get the key in the lock.

“Hey, I’ve been waiting for you, I-I wasn’t sure when you’d be home.” Satoru sounded desperate, just like Suguru anticipated. 

“I wanted to spend a little more time at my mom’s, how long have you been waiting here for?” 

You kept your back on him, walking into the house and leaving the door because he’d follow you in like a lost puppy.

“Uh… since seven?”

It was after one now. “You waited six hours to talk to me?”

You placed Sakura into her little chair in the living room, barely turning around before Satoru was on his knees, hands on your hips like some idiot. His face was swollen, eye socket bruised and a busted lip, yet he looked up at you like there wasn’t physical pain.

“I did, I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise I hurt you the way I did, after I swore I'd never do anything like that to you. I was so angry that you didn’t want me- I know it’s not an excuse and I promise that I won’t use it as such- please believe me that I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for it. I never want to hurt you like that, and I never will again.” Your body froze when he rested his forehead on your belly. The baby. “I love you so much. You don’t know what I’d do to keep you interested in me. And yesterday wasn’t it.”

What did that even mean? It sounded as ominous as it was meant to be, clearly.

“How did you know about my wrist-“

“Suguru came to mine last night, he said he was there picking something up and took you to the hospital-“ he looked back up at you. “I wished you’d asked me, I would have dropped everything. This is my fault and I should have had the opportunity to make things right- I wanna make things right.”

Then get the fuck out of my life.

“Is that why your face is… what happened?”

He stayed as he was, fingers pressing into the plush of your hips. “He set me straight, told me what happened and I let him do what he wanted, to show you that I mean every word I’m saying to you…”

Maybe telling him the truth while he was like this was the best thing?

“And…”

“And what, Satoru?”

“And I didn’t do anything, because if I did, I probably would have ended up killing him.”

Your whole world stopped, all of the air left the room. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that if he keeps sticking his nose in, it makes me wanna get rid of him.” He chuckled and played it off as a joke when he stood up. “If I fought with him now, I’d really do some damage- but it’s alright, he’ll stay away from us now, so we don’t have to worry about that. But yeah, all honesty on the table. I nearly killed him last night.”

Just like that, he was telling you as casually like he’d made a reservation for dinner. And the crashing reality of telling him that the baby was Suguru’s was down the drain. It made your stomach churn like you’d vomit at any second.

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t do that.”

“Me too. I’d hate you being mad at me for hurting him, that I can do without.” He laughed again, taking your hands and studying your expression that hid the horror. “I’m so sorry for hurting you, I really didn’t mean to, I hope you can forgive me.”

He almost killed Suguru last night. He wanted to kill your husband. Suguru never mentioned that at all. 

Satoru came this close to killing someone.

How could you tell him you were pregnant, or hide it well enough from him for the duration of the wait to divorce Suguru?

“Satoru I think I just need time…”

His head dropped, like he was sulking. “I knew it, you’re mad at me. What can I do to make it up to you? Please tell me, I’ll do whatever it takes to show you I can take care of you better than Suguru did.”

A choice. An option. Time wasn’t exactly a luxury you had. It had to be tonight.

If he hadn’t have threatened Suguru’s life, it would have been a different story. Now it was a no brainer for your husband's life.

“Take me out to dinner tonight, we’ll talk about it then.”

“You’ll come to dinner with me?” His deep blue eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. “You really will?”

“I will, on one condition.”

“Anything, baby. I’ll give you anything.”

One condition, it had to count for something.

“If you see Suguru again, promise me you’ll leave him alone. We don’t need the police involved if things get ugly, and then I’ll have dinner with you and we can make things right. Does that sound like something you can do?”

He hesitated, but only for a second. “Alright, I’ll promise you that I won’t seek him out. And if he comes back into our life, within reason, I won’t do or say anything to him.”

The ‘within reason’ statement unsettled you, but you would have to take the scraps it if it got him away from Suguru. 

You couldn’t believe you were doing this. That you were going to sleep with your husband’s ex-best friend to get ahead of the curve.

To save your family from destruction, by ruining it first.

Chapter Text

“Hey mom, are you busy?”

That was code for ‘get Suguru on speaker phone’.

Depending on what she said, “I am, but I can work and talk, let me put you on speaker.” determined whether suguru was home or not.

Suguru was at home and listening.

For once, you wished he wasn’t. Everyone on the phone would know, and everyone understood what that meant. 

“That’s fine, I can call later.” It was paramount you talk to her, but your nerves juggling around caused nausea.

How could you ask your mother to mind your daughter for a few hours while you went to dinner with your husband's ex-best friend?

Especially while Satoru was in the room watching you as though you were mesmerising.

“No, it’s alright, I’ll hold you to my ear, I’ll go make a coffee.” 

“Okay.”

You fiddled with a milk cloth, ready to go onto the pile of dirty laundry ready to wash. You’d sterilised Sakura’s bottles from the overnight bag and readied her spare outfits for tonight.

Originally, you would have taken her with you, but Satoru grew insistent in asking your mom to watch her. That meant you and Satoru were alone together- though you always were- but having Sakura there meant you had someone else to focus on. Sitting at a table publicly without your daughter meant something else entirely and forced you to recognise and acknowledge Satoru’s presence entirely.

“What did you need?” This time, Satoru did not intervene to have the phone on speaker.

“Are you able to watch Sakura tonight?”

Her silence said everything. Hesitation did nothing to settle the anxiety. “Is everything okay? You don’t usually ask me after you’ve just come back from my place.”

“Yeah, everything is fine.” Trying your best to act as though nothing was wrong. You had to act better. “I’m going out for dinner… with Satoru, and I was wondering if you could have Sakura.”

The long pause bubbled your gut and made the roof of your mouth water uncomfortably. She now knew what you were planning.

“Of course, what time will you be over? Have you pumped enough milk to last in case you’re out longer?”

“Thanks mom, it would only be for a few hours. You’re a life saver. I’m going to pump when I get off the phone. We’ll probably be over for…” You couldn’t exactly think when Satoru was mouthing words and holding up a specific amount of fingers.

“I, uh… maybe- I don’t-“

“We’ll be with you for seven thirty!” Satoru called with such familiarity. 

“Okay, I’ll get things settled here. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.” 

You knew she couldn’t just beg you to reconsider that damage you were about to do, or hold your hand through it and make it all go away. Nevertheless, the lack of disagreement just protruded the lack of choice though your chest.

“Thanks, mom.”

You set the phone down, hiding the sight tremble in your hand. It was happening, sealing your fate in the arms of another man who tried his hardest to manipulate the narrative.

“This is exciting- I’m excited.” He said. “Y’know how often I thought about taking you out? A lot.

He sat there triumphantly, fiddling with his fingers while the sudden drop in your abdomen tugged at the future alone you’d endure with Satoru.

Sakura was asleep in her crib upstairs. Usually, whenever Sakura would sleep is when you would make yourself scarce as Satoru’s self-invitation dragged out longer than you wanted. You hoped he’d get the message and leave, but he never did.

“When did you book the table for?”

”Eight.”

Picking up the sterilised breast pump, you carried it in towards the living room, Satoru close behind. 

“My mom will have her for a few hours.”

It was really happening.

You were really doing it.

“What’s wrong?” Satoru’s question wasn’t exactly wrapped in concern.

“Uh, I’m just worried about leaving Sakura for that long while I’m not in the house…”

Bullshit, but Satoru didn't need to know that. Yes, you thought about her constantly, thinking of when she’d notice you were gone, but your mother was more than capable.

Satoru sat down beside you, close enough to make you hesitate about pumping right there on the sofa surrounded by the blanket Suguru gifted you after Sakura’s birth.

So snuggly, comfortable, consistent. Nothing like Satoru.

“Baby, don’t worry, your mom is capable. It’ll be a nice night out. It’ll be good to let loose, with good food, good company.” It lingered on his tongue as though testing the waters first. “Sakura will be just fine.”

“I know.” You said, trying to slip the pump under your shirt without exposing yourself. “It’s just, if anything goes wrong-“

“It won’t. I promise.” 

He picked up the remote which gave you enough time to settle the pump on properly, flipping the switch for its low hum to soak up the uncomfortable silence. Then the television switched on with a random movie you’d never seen before. 

“Come here.” Satoru held out his hand for you to take.

If you didn’t, was it a test to see whether you’d accepted his presence? It couldn’t be risked.

Reluctantly, you slipped your hand into his, now stuck on the sofa until he decided to let go of you.

“I think this is good practice.”

“You do?”

He nodded with a wistful smile. “Well, I plan on takin’ you out to lots of dinners. I have to make up for lost time.”

“I don’t think that’s-“

“How’s your wrist?” His change of the subject was whiplash inducing.

You lifted it up to study the brace the doctor put on. “It’s fine with my pain meds.”

His face dropped. “I’m sorry I did that… I don’t know what came over me. I thought… I thought I was losing you.”

How would he react to realising he never had you in the first place?

“It’s fine, I-“

“I can’t begin to tell you how bad I feel about this. There was a lot going through my head, and I couldn’t process it. And then you-“ He caught himself, choosing his words incredibly carefully. Rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb was supposed to be comforting. “If I lost you and Sakura, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

“I’m… I’m glad you were able to reflect on it.” 

It was all you could say.

“I did, but…” His demeanour changed, subtly like a quick draft. You only noticed it because you caught the chill or brought with it. “Don’t ever threaten me with Sakura again… I’ll go down legal routes if I have to.”

What the hell could you say in response to that?

Satoru hadn’t been a prominent part of Sakura’s life just yet, you could try and threaten it again, hopefully as a last resort.

“Satoru-“

“I love you both with everything I have. I won’t lose you.”

Your body went into a flight response autopilot. Satoru resisted a little when you pulled away and got to your feet.

“Where are you going?” His tone was desperate.

Shit, shit, shit, think…

“I just remembered I need to take my birth control. I have to take it now or it won’t be effective. My… periods are pretty bad. Hold that thought.”

“Be quick.”

So you left, quickly, trotting up the stairs, breast pump supported in hand straight to the bedroom.

You’d completely forgotten. How could you say you were on birth control if there was no birth control to be found? You remembered one packet, one you’d never used, still sealed somewhere in the drawer upstairs.

The low vibrations on your breast settled you somewhat, sneaking into the bedroom as Sakura slept.

It’s gotta be here somewhere. A box, I never threw it out, I never-

Right at the bottom, still taped shut, unused.

Shakily, you ripped the tape off, popping a few pills out until the little window said Monday. Tomorrow. You took note of the time and stole a glance at Sakura before tiptoeing your way to the toilet to flush them.

Closing the door silently never seemed so loud, the latch clunking shut, pump still sucking up milk to no rhythm in particular. You dropped the pills and pulled down your pants to squeeze whatever drops of pee you could to make it plausible.

Plausible, whatever part of this was plausible.

Peeing for that brief moment had never drowned out so much silence.

What the hell am I doing?

With one long inhale, you adjusted the breast pump and washed your hands, gripping the door handle as though it was the only one to understand you.

“Oh my god!”

Satoru was standing outside the door, face neutral, investigative. Your heart thumped knowing he must have heard your innermost thoughts, the plan, everything that divided you and him apart.

You covered your mouth, kicking yourself at the sheer volume of your response to his presence, waiting on Sakura’s response to hearing her mother almost scream her head off.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said, leaning against the door frame and blocking your way past him. “What were you doing?”

“Peeing.” You stated it, because it was that obvious.

But it seemed like he was baiting you.

He didn't move, ignoring the warning signs of the breast pump as if it was your own guard dog. You wore it like deer’s paranoia, ready to bolt at the slightest twig snap before the jaws of a predator.

“You took your birth control?”

“I did.” You kicked yourself for allowing it to slip out as desperately as it did.

Convincing yourself to make him believe it. To believe that you weren’t pregnant yet.

“Good. Can’t have you forgetting that, way too many hormones to mess about with.”

Like you didn’t have enough to deal with already.

“Exactly.” You couldn’t meet his eyes, like looking into them were windows knowing the lie you were barely holding together.

The pause after that was agonisingly dragged out, trapping you to wait with it until Satoru spoke again. “I missed you.”

Was he for real? “I need to finish pumping before Sakura wakes up-“

“What are you wearing tonight?”

Like you’d actually thought that far ahead. “I’m not sure.”

Satoru looked at you, like really looked at you. Studying you, eyes darting across your face at every curve, nook and blemish.

“You’ll look beautiful in anything you wear… but I was wondering if you’d wear something I bought you?”

If you said no like you desperately wanted to, you’d run the risk of questions, judging looks you knew were directed at Suguru and your willingness to stand by him.

If you said yes, then he’d leave the house for a little while at least.

“Okay.”

His odd demeanour shifted, his grin forming and jittery excitement met your beating heart almost slipping into cardiac arrest.

“Perfect! I have it at my apartment, I’ll go get it. I won’t be long. Then, we’ll watch a movie, get ready and head out.”

“…Okay.”

Satoru stepped closer, pecking the side of your head sweetly before finally stepping back and giving you space.

“I‘ll be back soon, why don’t you get comfortable while Sakura’s still asleep? We can get some quality time together.”

“…Okay.”

He left, not before popping his head into the doorway of the bedroom and blowing your daughter a kiss. Something Suguru always did.

When Satoru left, you hiccupped, holding onto the doorway and trying to convince yourself that this was the best thing for your family. Leading a man on and sleeping with him to make him believe that Suguru’s baby was really his.

A cruel thing.

But he gave you no choice.

Though one question lingered in your mind, one that wasn’t exactly relevant, but just as messed up.

How did Satoru know what dress size you were?

Chapter Text

Red. 

Red wasn’t even your colour and the fact the dress fit as perfectly as a dress could, made the lighter by the tea light candle holder look increasingly enticing to use on it.

Let the fucking fire spread.

But even so, your stretched stomach was visible, breasts full of milk way too big and exposed and it overshadowed every ounce of confidence you thought you had. Yet it accentuated your hips and complimented your neck line in just the right amount of modesty. But Satoru picked it out, so it was automatically horrid.

“Tell me, Sakura… how do I look?”

You turned to your daughter sitting on the bed in her little doughnut pillow, dribbling everywhere and kicking her feet excitedly at your voice.

“I look horrible, right?”

She cooed, clearly disagreeing.

“I know…” Crawling over the bed, you laid down with her and ignored the way you just styled your hair. “It looks better than I thought, why does he have a good eye?”

Sakura pulled a strand of your hair, bringing physical pain to your already pounding heart. Staring at the ceiling did not help the situation or cure it altogether, its plain white interior wasn’t pure, but rather a reminder of what it would always see and remember from tonight.

You rolled to face her, keeping your face low. “Look, baby girl. You’re going to spend the evening with daddy, so please be good... Things are going to get a little difficult for a while, but we need to stick together.”

Maybe it was your mascara burning your eyes, but the difficulty rose keeping any tears from falling and ruining your makeup in this already terribly hot room. You were emotional already, pregnant and having to hide it. Nothing about this was easy.

Getting up off the bed, you picked her up and held her close, planting little kisses on her forehead and swaying her about though she was wide awake.

“How’s it goin’ we have to leave soon-” Satoru froze in the doorway, donned in one of his casual suits you’d seen on more than a few occasions. “Oh… wow.”

You turned away on instinct, blinking rapidly to hide the guilt and rested on Sakura filling the emptiness. “Sorry, we’re coming down now.”

After you gathered the courage to face up to the source of your guilt, Satoru had not moved. He wore a side smile, gentle as anything and his stare bounced to various spots on your body. “You look gorgeous… I just- I love- red really is your colour.”

“Thank you.” 

Heels clacked along the floor to slip past him, clinging to your daughter for what seemed like solid minutes until Satoru followed behind you.

“I’m being honest, you look beautiful.” He stood there at the bottom of the stairs, readying Sakura’s car seat and picking it up to place her in it. “You look really good.”

Shame I’m about to be the dirtiest person in the whole world after this.

Nodding helped you cope. “Thank you, Satoru.”

He smiled and automatically took Sakura from you, strapping her in and carrying her out to his own car as though playing house was something he was entitled to.

It continued the whole way to your moms house too, you noticed him giving your daughter longingly sweet glances from the rear view window. His eyes were on you too, the creepy crawling sensation ran over your whole body and each time you noticed, he looked away. Coincidently at the road, but was always at a traffic light or sign telling him to stop.

The clue was in the title, he should have gotten the hint.

And when you arrived at your mom’s he was even suggesting he come in too. He was exhausting and the night hadn’t even begun yet. How the hell were you supposed to get through this without screaming at the top of your lungs and chucking a glass at him of some random drink served to one of the surrounding tables?

“It’s fine, stay here.” You were already getting Sakura’s chair out of the car. “I won’t be long.”

“Okay- wait, hang on,” He climbed out of the car anyway, zipping around the side to meet you to kiss Sakura’s head. “Be good for your grandma, daddy loves you.”

You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat staying to choke you where you were. It should have been Suguru, not him. Satoru’s smile cut through everything you held dear, bulldozing his way through it.

And now you had to sit through dinner and sleep with the man.

Walking up to the door was as though you were making your way to the executioner's block, earning the overwhelming gaze from your own mother as she opened the door.

“He’s in he car.” You said, handing over your daughter over the threshold. “I have to be quick.”

Your mother pushed the front door ajar to shield you when you stepped in. “Are you really going to go through with this?”

Avoiding eye contact should have alleviated the guilt just a fraction, but if Suguru was home, looking right at him would not help. “I don’t have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice.” She placed Sakura down who you watched over with the certainty that this was all for her. Your mother scrambled for your hand and pressed a little plastic bag in to it. “Here.”

In all honesty the white powder looked addictive. “What is-“

“Put this in his drink, make sure it’s alcohol… He’ll space out and fall asleep until morning, then you can make up what you want then.”

“Mom-“

“Please, sweetheart. Please, just do this. Make him think that you and he-“ She couldn’t even say it out loud. “Just make him believe it.”

“O-Okay.” You slipped it into your bra for safekeeping. “I have to go, mom. Sakura will need feeding in about an hour. We’ll be by later to pick her up.”

Blowing a kiss to your daughter, your heavy heart swelled being away from her, never having the courage to tell your mom that Satoru was driving and you weren’t even protected to drive his own car. It was always Satoru’s car, never yours.

For power. Control. An invisible list rules set out to limit your movement.

“Did she go in well?” Satoru asked, you hadn’t even closed the car door yet.

“Yeah, I’m just missing her already.”

Proximity played the biggest part here, wondering what was going through Sakura’s mind and how she must be thinking her own mother had just abandoned her. Sure she was with your mother and soon, Suguru. Yet leaving her and sitting in the presence of another man who wasn’t her father told you she’d be so disappointed.

It’s all for you, princess.

“I bet she’ll be fast asleep in no time, probably won’t even notice we’re gone.” 

It should have been reassuring, however the thought of knowing she wouldn’t be bothered about your disappearance hurt just as much as thinking she’d tearily pine for you.

Now you and he were all alone together.

When you said nothing, Satoru pulled away from the curb. “She’s such a little angel, isn’t she?”

“Yeah…”

“She looks so much like you already and each day I see her, she has your smile more and more…” Satoru indicated and turned left, spinning the wheel in a controlled manner and smiling to himself each time you braved to look over. “Her laugh- don’t get me started on that little laugh she’s tryin’ to do now. It’s so cute.”

You could agree on that at least. Sakura looked more like you than she ever did Satoru, despite her snow white hair coming through and striking cerulean eyes looking up every time to remind you of the pain Satoru caused your family so far.

“Yeah, her laugh is adorable.” A laugh Suguru should have heard before this asshole.

The conversation naturally settled until the car pulled into the parking lot. Satoru paused and so did you, uncomfortably waiting to follow his lead in case he mistook you for running. A prey mentality.

Could you really drug him and make him believe you and he had slept together? Would your mom have the ability to spare you from something so horrid? One drink, two, maybe even three and tip it all into his drink. Then, wait. He’d wake up the next day with a pounding headache and no recollection. You could make up any story that you wanted. A passionate one night stand that resulted in him staying the night, loud enough that you decided to keep Sakura at your mother’s so that you and he could be alone.

And sleep in separate beds without his knowledge.

Maybe even a quickie somewhere so you wouldn’t even have to sleep in the same house as him. But at some point, you knew his plea to sleep over was inevitable.

“Thank you for agreeing to let me take you out. I know we’ve had some... disagreements. having said that, I appreciate you giving me a chance.” He took a leap and slipped your hand into his. “So thank you for allowing me to show you what kind of person I really am.”

I know exactly what kind of person you are.

Fighting the urge to yank your hand away from his searing touch, you focused on the brace on your wrist instead. “I’ll listen… I think there’s much we need to talk about going forward.”

“Yeah, definitely.” He was eager to please at least, getting out of the car to open the door for you. “Let’s talk about all of it tonight so we’re on the same page.”

You’d never be on the same page.

Heading into the restaurant was a different planet, the staff treated you like an actual couple and greeted you with warm words to a secluded booth in the corner. The waitress took your coat and lit a candle to set the ambiance that just wasn't there. Satoru’s whole act sickened you, grinning away and ordering for you before you could even make up your own mind.

“Oh, no alcohol for me, please.” It slipped out absentmindedly, your brain subconsciously flitting to the pregnancy before your mouth did.

You managed to stop before you said it out loud.

“No? I thought you liked wine.”

“I did.” You said, looking away and avoiding the waitress entirely. “But after having Sakura, and the breast feeding, it turned me off of it. Of any alcohol, actually. And while breast feeding, it’s really advised against it. I’ll just have sparkling water, please.”

Satoru frowned yet said nothing to it, not giving the waitress another look. His demeanour was calm, chilled even though he fiddled with the crimson napkin intricately folded like a rose.

To ease the tension you built up in your mind, you asked him something simple. “What drink did you order?” 

“Water.”

Water, then alcohol second, right? While Satoru didn’t partake in drunkenness and wild nights like a few people you knew, he still dabbled in a drink now and then.

“No alcohol?”

He shrugged, folding the napkin into something else entirely, unfolding it and doing it all over again. “I’m a dad now, I like to stay entirely sober. Y’know, in case I need to drive anywhere.”

You sat there frozen, fingers stiff in fear at the pouch of mysterious powder in your bra. There was no way you could pass off water drunkenness and memory loss on something so plain. Your mother’s idea had blown in the wind like sand to a desert.

“Right… That makes sense- would you excuse me? I need to use the restroom , I think my uh, my pads are leaking.” Embarrassing enough for no questions.

“Okay, if you need me, call me.”

Satoru wasn’t even phased by it, quickly looking through his phone as you left. Marching over to the restroom was the death sentence, removing the packet from your bra which in turn removed the chance of saving yourself.

Corterised. Burned. Destroyed. Though it wasn’t a good idea in itself, the alternative was just as depressingly blunt.

As the powder cascaded into the toilet bowl, a little hope went with it.

Suguru must have known by now, he must have done.

“I’m so sorry, Suguru… I don’t know if this is the right decision or not, but- fuck, I don’t know what to do.”

Despite the double negative, Suguru could get you through this. If you pretended you were just talking to him, things might go smoother.

It didn’t help that eventually, Satoru actually made you laugh. Not in an ‘impress you on a date’ sort of laugh, but laugh how you used to. Like an old friend or man with his sister-in-law, because that’s how you saw yourself after the wedding.

When you and Satoru first met, there stood no tension, no awkwardness. He welcomed you with open arms and genuine smiles, offering you with anything you needed to get acquainted with Suguru’s friend group. That was the most daunting part of getting serious with a guy who fluttered your stomach and flushed your cheeks. His friends held so much weight with their opinions and observations. In the end, they all enjoyed your company as you did theirs. Though, you and Satoru weren’t as close as others may have thought. There wasn’t time to expand on it and at the end of the day, he still went home to his apartment and you, yours. No phone calls, barely any texts, purely in-person interaction.

It still would have been nice had he not turned out to be psychotically involved and silently threatening to murder your husband if he stayed involved.

“Honestly! I was a little shit in school.”

The food had long been eaten and the dessert menu’s sloppily placed in the middle of the table away from the stand waiting to be collected along with the orders for ice cream and sorbet. You and he had been there longer than you anticipated, just talking, mulling in the relationship you had before.

Satoru leant to the side resting on his fist, the overhead coil tubed bulb casting an amber flicker in his gaze, enamoured sitting opposite you. He was stone cold sober, as you were. He’d remember everything you said and did.

“I can imagine.” You said, finger running around the rim of your glass for something to do. “I hope Sakura keeps her soft temperament. I don’t think I could handle her being rebellious.”

Not with another baby to take care of too.

“I’m sure she’ll be just fine. If we steer her in the right direction, she’ll adjust perfectly.”

As though he had the right to steer your daughter in any direction. The audacity that he even knew right from wrong and could teach her was laughable.

“Yeah… I think I should check on her-”

“Sakura is fine. Your mom would call if there was an issue, leave it.” Even though Satoru’s words were soft, they commanded presence.

“I haven’t been apart from her for this long. I can’t stop thinking about my baby… I didn’t think I’d leave her with someone else this early.”

Satoru sat up and took your hand in some weird attempt to calm you. It didn’t. “Though I’m still learning things about her, I still know things. I’m her dad and I’m telling you that she’s just fine.”

You cringed at the way his thumb rubbed the back of your hand and tickled the sensitivity where Suguru would do the same. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” He wasn’t. “I think the evening is going pretty well so far. My mom must be having a nice evening too.”

He reinforced his grip with a reassuring squeeze. “Exactly. This evening is going incredibly well.”

There it was, that look. The same Suguru gave you whenever he was thinking about you, deep in his own head which often resulted in sex afterwards. A loving look underseated by passion and deep rooted admiration.

“But, let’s discuss the elephant in the room, shall we?”

It was going to happen.

Sex would happen.

You just hoped it was quick.

Because if it wasn’t, you’d just scream.

Chapter Text

You were going to sleep with him.

Suguru knew it the minute you asked your mom to have Sakura for a few hours.

Dinner. It wasn’t just that though, was it? With Satoru, dinner came with the obligation. Suguru knew how the man's head worked, and to think of his hands all over you brought Suguru struggling to swallow the bile back. He didn’t see it as cheating, no infidelity clause would touch this. It wasn’t the average scenario where a wife became unfaithful to her husband over a dead bedroom, or sudden thrusted confidence after a job promotion and new hunk in the office.

It was entirely different.

Suguru wanted to go over to the house and wait for you, stand his ground and take what consequences came his way. He wanted to rush in like the hero in the movies and whisk you and Sakura away, telling you that it was all over and that you’d never have to see Satoru again.

He’d protect you from Satoru.

He’d maim Satoru if he had to.

But the crushing reality was nothing like that. Doing so put you and his daughter in danger and exposed you to Satoru’s… vices. Suguru still had to work, he had to provide, he had to sleep.

He couldn’t be there twenty-four seven.

The fact even worse was that you didn’t want to do this. Put in a position, Suguru’s selfishness had pushed you to do it all on your own.

I’m such a fucking selfish asshole.

And there, Sakura looked up at him with the most disinterested face she had ever given him.

“I know… I’m a dick.”

Maybe she was forgetting who he was, seeing this face that had watched her come into this world minimised to once a week, despite the continuous cuddles and skin on skin contact.

“Are you forgetting who I am, Sakura?” He asked, letting her tiny hands grip his thumbs as she experimented with her grasp.

After a rather long pause, Sakura took it upon herself to coo at him. It wasn’t judgemental or disgusted, just all-knowing. 

Almost ten weeks old and she claimed to know more than her father.

Seems about right.

“I was the first person you met before you laid on your mommy’s chest, did you know that?”

Suguru recalled the afternoon with so much clarity. You worked so hard for so long, gripping Suguru’s hand in pain to bring Sakura into the world and you did not complain. You still don’t complain. You still carry on.

“Your mommy was so brave… She’s my hero. You’ll understand that when your older, Sakura, how much mommy has sacrificed for our family.”

Still carrying on, and she’s about to sleep with someone who I thought was my best friend.

He could hear the conversations, see the one sided lingering glances and subtle touches. Suguru hoped Satoru wouldn't at least try and pressure you to drink. Pregnant with his child, the pressure, the stress. It wasn’t good at all for the baby, and Satoru had no clue.

Two weeks and Suguru understood that Satoru would try to rub it in that he managed to get you pregnant on the first go. Suguru wasn’t exactly sure whether he’d feel smug about it, knowing the truth, or just on a knife’s edge hoping he’d never work it out. But what happened between now and then? How many times would Satoru claim you as his own and try his hands at your body? How many times you let him, Suguru would never know. And it was eating him inside. Positions, bodily fluids, one sided lust dripping in passion and apparent long awaited love that was entirely unrequited.

Only Satoru wasn’t seeing it that way.

“Stop torturing yourself, Suguru.”

Suguru wiped the wet from his face he hadn’t realised was there when your mom appeared in the bedroom doorway. She never addressed Sakura like she usually did, just watched him sitting on the bed hunched over his own worries.

“She’s going through all of this on her own, mom… and I asked her not to tell me…” You gave him just that, radio silence on the matter. “I’m the worst husband in the world.”

Your mom sat down next to him, taking Sakura in for the first time. She kicked her legs at the sight of her grandmother and her expression shifted to excitement.

“My daughter is very strong. Mother’s… we get something, almost like it’s contagious. Dad’s get it too, it’s a compulsion to do what we must because there’s something more important than ourselves. Our children… We'll do anything for our children. And she’s doing just that.” She stroked Sakura’s head and softly pinched her rosy cheek. “Despite the issue, I know she loves you, I love you. And most of all, your daughter loves you.”

Suguru knew that. However, it didn’t help the elephant in the room.

“Shes my wife… How can I be a good husband if I can't protect her?”

“Suguru, you are protecting her. There’s only so much you can do before only one of you can carry the victory on a different path. You think my daughter could have beaten Satoru into submission? No. You calmed the storm, you managed to muzzle and leash him. Now my daughter is in control of that leash.”

But that dog still had opportunities to get out of that muzzle and turn around to bite you with everything it had. Satoru wasn’t a man to be messed with, he wasn’t someone to be underestimated. He had made that quite clear.

“What can I do now? I’m sure Sakura is forgetting me.”

“No matter how sparse visits may be at the moment, it won’t be forever. And she’ll always know who her daddy is. We’ll make sure of it.”

Suguru sucked in possibly the longest breath he’d ever taken, holding out for the hope your mom was right and everything would right itself. But then, you and he would need therapy after this; you especially. Again, he didn’t see this as cheating… it wasn’t- it just wasn’t.

It wasn’t cheating. It was not infidelity.

You were protecting your family just like Suguru was.

“I gave her something to slip in his drink if that helps at all?” She said, making a face at Sakura as though keeping up appearances would stop the baby absorbing the negative energy.

“You did?”

“Yeah. I didn’t know what else to do, Suguru. I don’t want my daughter anywhere closer to him than you do. It’ll just knock him out for most of the night.”

Suguru wanted to feel relieved, to feel some type of easiness at the statement that meant nothing.

“Mom, Satoru hardly drank as it is, but he told me last year that he was going completely sober.”

“What?"

He nodded. “Yeah, it was right after we found out about Sakura. He just all over a sudden started turning down drinks when he’d go out with friends.”

“Did you tell my daughter that?”

It wasn’t important to mention. “No, it didn’t occur to me that it was worth discussing. Lots of people stop for different reasons. I just wished him well and carried on.”

“But it’s their first dinner out, surely he’d make an exception tonight, right?” Your moms’ eyes solidified at Suguru, unblinking like his answer would solve everything.

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

How would you get him home? Suguru wished you would just leave his ass at the restaurant and come back for Sakura on your own, the logistics be damned.

At least Sakura would be here instead of at home when you… Fuck, how did we get to this point?

You were sleeping with someone else instead of your husband.

“What if…” Suguru hesitated even saying it aloud as though it would make it true. “What if the proximity pushes them closer together? Something we can’t come back from.”

“Suguru, she will not fall for him. I know how much she loves you, it breaks my heart that you’re even thinking about this. My daughter will not leave you for him, even if the world was burning down.”

Of course it was Suguru’s loneliness that was talking him onto this toxic ledge full of grease to ensure he slipped, he knew that. Yet something inside warned him of the storm coming, the acid pit at the bottom that once he fell in, he wouldn’t have a chance to escape.

Your mom sighed, fiddling with Sakura’s onesie. “I wish my husband was still around, he never would have stood for this, seeing you two suffering.”

“I wish I could have met him.” Suguru shouldered the pinch in her words.

“He would have loved you. You are both way too alike to not have gotten on like a house on fire.” Then, she laughed with the sentimentality of a widow. “He would have done the same as you last night, but he probably would have killed him, willingly done the time too.”

Suguru almost killed Satoru last night and part of him wished that he had, the issue would have resolved itself and you would have been free to live with Sakura while Suguru sat behind bars. At least you would have been safe.

But also alone.

He couldn't have that because of an idiotic decision he made in anger.

Suguru mentioned you by name. “She talks about him all the time, especially to Sakura about who her grandfather was. She plans on getting his picture framed for Sakura’s nursery. Pictures of all of us.”

“That’s nice.” She left the conversation sitting in a comfortable pillow of silence, only Sakura’s quick breaths came in a rhythm.

“I know she loves me.” He said with an almost defeated sigh, scooping Sakura up to breathe her soothing smell in. “Just like I love her. I just… I overthink, and Satoru being amongst it complicates things more than they already are.”

“I know how close you were.”

“Like brothers. Soul mates, until I found my wife.”

Your mom reassuringly rubbed his shoulder, climbing from the bed. “We’ll sort this out, son. It’ll be over before you know it.”

If only that were true, Suguru knew a fight was coming and he could only prepare for it as much as possible before it came crashing down. He just hoped the grass remained untouched on his side while it was slowly scorching on Satoru’s.

Because is was the least he deserved.

Chapter Text

“Elephant? What elephant in the room?”

There were a lot of things that Satoru wanted to discuss with you. Living arrangements for a start, the money in fuel Satoru was consuming in trips back and forth were nothing to shake a stick at with his income, but totally unnecessary when he could stay over at least and halve it come next week.

He also wanted to discuss Sakura’s breastfeeding. If you implemented bottles, he could help when you were exhausted, or when you sleepily climbed out of bed on no sleep all on your own. You could sleep through while he spent quality time with his daughter, not just watching you smile sweetly at her as she drank with the much needed skin-on-skin contact Satrou never got at the hospital.

He was certain that Sakura recognised him as her dad, but there were still connections to make.

Satoru also wanted to talk about the frequency of your weekly trips to your mom’s. Suguru may have been okay with it, but Satoru knew that it was far too much for a family living together, to separate every saturday night just so your mom could see Sakura and have her for the night as respite. That’s what Satoru was for, and you weren't utilising his status as Sakura’s father enough.

But, the elephant in the room sat menacingly on the brace around your wrist. “About what happened yesterday.”

“Right, yes.” You looked away, playing around with the dessert spoon.

You were clearly still upset.

The more time Satoru had to mull it over, he began to realise what sort of effect you were beginning to have on him. A suffocating one where being apart from you was all he dreaded in life. He ruminated on how to get close and bridge the gap you were creating while he laid awake at night, thinking of you all alone in that house. Satou couldn’t comprehend why you just weren’t that on board with this change as he was, and little moments like this dinner blurred the lines on where you stood.

You and he were having a wonderful time, a long time waiting and dreaming what life would be like with you behind those closed doors. Naturally, he wanted to take you home, kiss you on the doorstep with Sakura in your arms and lull himself into the state of stability he desperately wanted.

Would you allow that, or was it too soon?

“I guess, I’m a little hurt that you didn’t call me to take you to the hospital. And I’m also confused at why you let Suguru take you there.”

Clearing your throat began to sound like an excuse to Satoru, plating around with that spoon and rubbing the spot on your neck when you were nervous. “Well, he stopped by to pick something up… and he saw me, wouldn’t let me go alone. So I didn’t really have a choice.”

It definitely sounded like the excuse Satoru was waiting to hear, though he kept himself as level headed as he could. There must have been a reason, but it validated Satoru’s reaction to Suguru’s visit.

“I was a choice, baby.”

He wanted to protest to your weak shaking of your head and defend himself. He listened instead, bouncing his knee under the table in anticipation you’d say something that would break his heart.

“No, you weren't. I was still angry at you, Satoru. I… shoved you away, I couldn't just call you up because my wrist was hurting.”

“You could. You should have. I would have dropped everything in a heartbeat.” He softened at that, offering his hand out to you which you so reluctantly took. “I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. No argument we have will ever change that.”

He noticed the way you inhaled, long and drawn out. “You really hurt me.”

“I know I did.” He said, running his thumb over the softened skin of your knuckles. “I know. I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for it- you want my time, you have it. You want my company, you will always have it with no question or excuse. You want things- clothes, vacations, you will have it.”

By the time Satoru had finished listing off everything par the blood in his body that you could take from him and he wouldn’t complain, the order for dessert went through. You were so far over the other side of the booth, the table sitting between him it was beginning to isolate him. His knee bounced as he fidgeted anxiously under the table, hoping it would go well enough to suggest he stay the night to greet Sakura in the morning. 

You looked so beautiful, the most beautiful he’d seen you except once. The most being the day his daughter was born, though exhausted, you were absolutely glowing. Whenever you breastfed, your image was the epitome of mothering beauty; it practically rendered him speechless. You were close to that in this dress he had picked out for you weeks ago.

It accentuated your hips and seamlessly stuck to your thighs just above your knee, your breasts sat perfectly and full in the top half by the neckline. It sent Satoru wild to not look at your cleavage every two seconds, only taking a peek whenever you looked away. Sexy and effortlessly stunning in it, but at some point in the relationship, he hoped to see you out of it.

“I don’t want material things, Satoru. I just want stability for Sakura.”

He couldn’t agree more. “Stability is good. I want her to grow up happy with both of us in the picture. I can give you that, y’know? Good daycare, schools, a swing set in the garden and a bike for the park- you want that house outright, you got it. You can have it.”

You paused, looking at him like he’d grown extra eyes and a little giddy laugh. “What? You can’t buy my house.”

He shrugged, it was no big deal. “Why not? I have more than enough money to buy it right now. Suguru’s stepping away from the payments and I’m taking over, it’s logical I just buy it, then we can make our own arrangements. To think about the future.”

“But, you can’t just buy it- I mean... it’s a lot of money. It’s a two hundred million yen home.”

Two hundred million was nothing. Not when Satoru had investments in various start ups and other successful businesses he was buying and selling. 

“Well, I can… My portfolio is worth over ten billion yen. I can buy a lot of things.”

In fact Satoru did, just because he could. Then he’d sell it again once he’d gotten too bored of the new shiny thing and pick something else, anything that came to mind. He could do whatever he desired and had proven that when he put his mind to something, he got it.

Just like you. He got you because he worked for the chance to call you his girlfriend, and it was all fitting together perfectly.

“Ten… billion? Oh…” You shuffled in your seat, rubbing that spot on your neck.

“You knew I had money.” Satoru was never shy about it.

“I did. But- but not that much. It seems a little bit more than anyone would know what to do with.” There it was, that little nervous laugh.

He knew exactly what to do with it even if you didn’t. He’d have you leave that little job you were opting to go back to after your maternity leave was up and stay at home for good. Then, you and Satoru could work on your family and maybe give Sakura some siblings, he’d be the perfect, present dad with all the time in the world.

Satoru wanted to see you barefoot and pregnant again, Sakura balanced on your hip with a smile he never got to see while pregnant with his daughter. Suguru got all of the firsts with you and Satoru needed that to change, to wipe the slate clean.

“I can do a lot of things. And I want to use it on you and Sakura, every penny.”

“N-No… I don’t-”

“Nonesense. What would I do with that money if I didn’t spend it on you?”

"I... I don't know."

Dessert came and Satoru sat in a comfortable science with you, eating his sweet and watching you each time you looked at your ice cream. He assumed the vast amount of his wealth had intimidated you in some shape or form, but you really didn’t need to panic. You were taken care of for life, Satoru wanted you to spend his money and get Sakura cute little designer dresses and get yourself that expensive purse he remembered you mentioning once. And when you and he got married, he wanted you to spend it as you saw fit. It wouldn’t be his anymore, but yours, his daughter’s. 

Now that he was a dad, Satoru had to think of schools and college and the entirety of Sakura’s education; his future children’s education. These were all things you and he needed to discuss.

He hoped within the next year, he’d get you pregnant again. Traditionally this time.

Can’t have a big age gap between Sakura and her siblings.

“That was delicious.”

“It really was. Thank you, Satoru.”

“And we had a nice time doin’ it, right?”

You agreed, a small smile at your lips that fluttered Satoru’s stomach as he paid the bill and collected your jacket to step outside with. “We did.”

Satoru wanted to take your hand and walk with laced fingers back to the car, but the blurred lines between you and him still kept him on the knife’s edge of what he could and couldn’t get away with. Pressing his hand to the small of your back seemed reasonable enough and you didn’t fight it either.

“So…” He said, getting into the car with your awkward silence in return. “We’ll go and get Sakura now, hm?”

“Yeah, It’s uh, it’s getting late.”

Nine-thirty. Not late by most standards, but by a mother’s view, it was. Sakura was hopefully asleep and would be for a few hours before she was due her next feed. Though the closer he got to your mom's house, Satoru was beginning to understand why you were missing her so much. He was getting antsy and counting down each traffic light and signage until he saw his daughter. She was the light of hs life, same hair, same eyes, every bit of him.

When the car pulled up, he didn’t stop to speak with you directly or answer your declaration to leave the car. “I’ll get her- I’ll get her. I’ve missed her.”

Satoru jogged over the the front door before you even climbed out of the car, eagerly grinning at the sight of his little girl when your mom opened the door.

“Satoru… I didn’t expect you to be picking her up.” She had Sakura in her arms, sleeping soundly.

He turned back and saw you walking towards the house. “I wanted to see my girl. We missed her so much.”

“Hi, mom. Thanks for watching her…” 

Satoru picked up the baby before you could, giddily kissing her forehead which she sucked on her bottom lip. “Hope she wasn’t too much trouble… our lil bundle of joy.”

“No, she was an angel as always. Lots of cuddles, getting more smiles from her now too. She had her bottle an hour ago.”

You smiled sweetly, kissing Sakura’s little cheek. “That’s good. Glad other people are seeing it properly now too, sometimes I think people must believe I make it up when a stranger says hello.”

She was perfect.

You were perfect.

“Well, we’ll be off now. It’s gettin’ late.”

“See you on Saturday, mom.”

“Alright, be safe.”

His perfect little family, altogether.

Satoru had dreamed of this, being on good terms with his mother-in-law and picking up his daughter, having taken you to dinner and living in a state of balanced tranquility. He thought of all the Christmas dinners, anniversaries, his daughter's first birthday party and first day of school. All the memories he was just waiting to make.

The car was warm, familiar. Satoru watched from the front, you humming away to Sakura as she stirred and hiccuped on the way home. His two girls, side by side in his own world, existing perfectly. What more could he want? What could possibly make the night better?

Well, you said something he didn’t think would come from your lips so soon when the car engine cut outside your house. It caught Satoru off guard despite his prayers being answered.

“Did you want to come inside?"

Chapter Text

“You sure?” Satoru asked, twisting in the driver's seat to see you, his eyes wide with questions.

No, I’m not.

“I’m sure.” You found yourself nodding to convince yourself, rather than Satoru.

He mirrored you, nodding in his own way as he took his seat belt off to exit the car.

“Okay, I’d love that.”

When the door closed, you cursed, picking up Sakura from the car seat that had permanently found its home inside Satoru’s car.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck what the fuck am I doing?”

You eyed Satoru walking around to your car door like prey to a predator, to understand his next move. He opened the door, smiling sweetly and watching you closer than was necessary.

Sakura was already dozing off, puffing her cheek against your chest with her lips pushed together. You slipped out quietly, hands shaking to unlock the door before you could change your mind.

You had to do this. You had to do it for your family.

“Here.” Satoru took the keys. “I’ll get it.”

He opened the door like he owned the very wood the door was made out of. And when he opened it, you hesitated for only a second but disguised it as adjusting your daughter. Once you stepped in, there was no return for what you were about to do.

A broadcasted betrayal. Suguru would know, he’d find out if he hadn’t already.

I’m such a shitty wife.

“You okay?”

“Hm?”

Satoru shifted awkwardly on the other side of the threshold. “Are you alright?”

“Oh… Oh- yeah, I’m fine.” Think of something. “Sakura just smells so good, I could smell her all day.”

Stepping over the threshold to meet him, you did so before your mind could even object to it. No going back now.

You made it to the stairs and Satoru filed in after he locked the door. His footsteps were heavy, looming like they would catch you if you stopped. Sakura was ready for bed, no reason to waste time dressing and changing her, your mom already did that.

“Goodnight, baby.”

“Sweet dreams, princess.”

Straight to bed with a kiss from you and begrudgingly, Satoru.

And by the time you had picked up the baby monitor and closed the bedroom door, Satoru was already stomping on the boundaries you hated that you were crossing.

“So this invite. Is it one to stay a while?” He leant against the wall, hands casually in his pockets.

Being so casual did not transfer itself to you though you tried. “Consider it… an open one. I figured you might want to see Sakura off to sleep.”

“And now?”

“Well, she’s due her feed in a few hours and I’m not exactly tired, no use in going to sleep just yet. So, did you want to watch a movie with me?”

Satoru’s smile was one that you’d seen women fawn over, a grin that could light up an entire room or be the life of the party when it was beginning to taper down. But there was one particular smile that Satoru used when he was genuinely happy, one the girls never got to see and you had only seen once before. 

When he held Sakura for the first time.

He pulled out that smile right before your eyes. “So the night went that well, huh?”

“I’m,” you considered your words carefully, “living in the moment.”

His expression told you everything you needed to know. “Living in the moment is good.”

“I’ll get popcorn.”

You tossed your shoes off to the side for better balance, the way the room spun could thwart a military operation and bring down intelligence gathered over the span of years. It would topple you too into the pit of extreme guilt that was festering into a full blown infection if you didn’t get your brain under control.

By the time you had managed to collect your thoughts to even make popcorn, Satoru had made himself comfortable on the sofa. He’d even pulled out a blanket from the downstairs closet, the pink one you’d only ever roll out for guests on the back of the sofa.

“There you are.” He patted an empty space right next to him, eagerly pulling the blanket back. “I kept it warm for you- I picked out a great movie, the plot is exciting but not too adrenaline inducing that it keeps you awake. I think you’ll like it.”

“Thanks.”

You were too close to him, legs touching under the blanket, Satoru’s arm lazily draped behind you. Not over the back of the sofa, but you. Touching you and seared with all sorts of wrong and choking your lungs from struggling levelled breath.

“This is nice… us together like this.”

“Yeah. It’s nice.”

As soon as the movie started, Satoru began testing his boundaries. How much could he get away with? First, his thumb rubbed over your arm absentmindedly, touching you in a way he’d never been allowed to before. If you pulled away, everything was ruined. Second, his leg pressed closer with his other hand on top, searching for your own about ten minutes into the movie.

When he found your hand, it started with his index finger. It was innocent. Singular. Then, it was two fingers running along the length of your hand just waiting for you to take them. And when you did, you could have sworn the corner of his mouth curled up for a second.

Each swallow was audible, anxious, heat inducing right up to your cheeks like waves against breakers. If Satoru heard you over the movie, he would never let you in on that secret. Soon enough, you and he were holding hands, fingers laced together like you and Suguru would, especially seeking comfort while pregnant.

It seemed ironic you were doing this pregnant a second time.

“Y’know, this is something I’ve wanted for such a long time. Cuddled up on the sofa, Sakura asleep upstairs, exhausted after the best night…” Satoru looked away from the television right at you. “And now I have it, I couldn’t think of living any other way now.”

Was this it? The way he was looking at you. So full of the anticipation you controlled and would ultimately give to him.

“I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Are you happy?” He asked, his eyes flickering down to your lips now and then.

Nope.

“Yeah. I think for the first time in a while, I am. I think I just needed time to get used to it.”

Satoru leant in, though not enough to kiss you. Testing the boundaries came with its respectful distance which was so unlike him. The choice threw you sideways, ruminating over the mere second you had before he continued talking.

I can do this. I have to do this. I need to do this.

“You’re everything to me. You and the baby. I’ll always be here.”

That was the issue.

“You will?”

“Always.”

You anxiously allowed Satoru to edge closer, his eyes darted back and forth hesitating between his movements as though he was giving you the opportunity to pull away.

Every instinct, every moral told you to run. It screamed in your ear that you were the shitty wife cheating on your husband. A devil cooing in your ear to destroy everything in spite of your reservations.

Self preservation.

All on your own. If Satoru decided you were lying, what could he do to you? You wouldn’t be able to stop it either.

Self preservation called for unfaithful choices, yet kept your faith that Satoru would not hurt you. 

Yet despite no physical harm, the psychological aftermath would need some professional help.

Just as Satoru pressed his lips against yours, behind your eyelids squeezed shut to trick your body into thinking you were kissing your husband instead. Your body reacted to the distant rumble of thunder, the electric that could not be mistaken for passion.

A storm was coming. That would make it harder for Satoru to leave once this was over.  And in this part of the region, storms didn’t just last a few hours.

Shit. He’ll have an excuse.

The realisation made you jump.

Satoru pulled away first, hand cupped at your cheek for that extra condescension. “You okay? I didn’t think you were scared of storms”

He pulled you in closer to his chest, bringing the blanket up past your shoulders, eager to kiss again. “I’ll keep you safe.”

You did everything in your power not to cringe or clamber off of the sofa. Your sixth sense listening out to for the baby monitor in case Sakura woke from the storm. Nothing. Nothing to pull you out of this or delay things to add the level of clarity you desperately needed.

Nothing but Satoru’s surprisingly soft lips.

Though nothing you did convinced your brain to think that you were kissing Suguru. The smell for one, nothing like his cologne. This up close to Satoru was a first, his hands wondering in places they shouldn’t, the sweet smacks of his lips and soft breaths which he took for air after he drawled himself over you.

Try to think of Suguru.

Thinking of your husband just cracked over the levels of broadcasted deceit.

“You have no idea…” The tip of his nose ghosted over yours. “No idea how many times I wondered what your lips felt like.”

How could you even respond to that? “Y-Yeah? It was nice.”

The idea of physically keeping down vomit took everything your body had. You learned exceedingly quickly that trying to imagine Suguru in any way like this would result in a quick realisation that he and Satoru were so different.

Satoru kissed differently, and how any one managed to cheat on their partner and ignored the difference without conscience were either blind, or just lacking a conscience.

He kissed you again, this time letting his long fingers wrap around the edge of your waist. It wasn’t heated exactly, just passionately slow yet at certain points you could tell he wanted to take things further.

Like the way his tongue kept running its way along your bottom lip. Suguru never did that; he never needed to ask. Your body just knew what to do when his own body was concerned.

Or maybe Satoru’s tell was being more involved in subjecting you to close scrutiny from the position of his legs. More open, arrogantly wider than was necessary.

Regrettably, you placed your hand on his knee for just a second until he caught it, linking it with his own. None of this was reassuring, none of it safe to drop your guard for even a second.

Sitting up, you took solace in fiddling with the zip on the sofa cushion, praying that would ease the thumping of your chest. It didn’t. However, it caught unwanted attention from Satoru instead.

“I’ll love you forever.” He whispered it as though the room listened too closely.

Forever was a long time.

Another stolen kiss you gave to him. A tug on his jacket, mixed in with the unbeknown, unrequited love he held so close. Your brain ran into overtime, thinking of strategies and plans to make it believable but less agonising for you.

And just as it was heating-just simmering- a little, and the prayers for Sakura waking up and disrupting the entire thing fell through, you executed the next part of your disorganised plan.

Best to just get it over with.

You clambered onto Satoru’s lap which he accepted without question, and it only invited him to become more passionate than gentlemanly. You allowed his tongue entrance under the guise that he was in control.

Well, he thought he was. Maybe he was. You refused to believe he was when you were hoping to control the narrative.

Satoru’s hands began to wonder further, fiddling with the hem of the dress you despised. He initially flattened it down, but soon pulled it up in little increments like you wouldn’t notice.

It was then you felt his cock getting hard under his pants.

Am I about to have sex with him on the sofa? Suguru and I spent ages paying off the catalogue.

At least it wasn’t in the bedroom where you were certain Suguru still had that recorder installed. He had access to listen to Sakura whenever she was awake in the bedroom, no way he had turned that off.

And if he heard you and Satoru while trying to listen out for his daughter, it would kill him.

Satoru held on to you and scooted over to the middle of the sofa where he spread his legs apart further and slid down into the sofa.

Your hands gripped the sofa either side of his head like the lifeline you so desperately needed. His hands wandered, sensually rubbing over you like he owned you. You gripped the material so tight it whitened your knuckles with an unsatisfactory ache that shook your entire body.

Get it over with.

Though it was bullshit, you ground against him as though it was the most natural thing in the world. What you didn’t expect was him to pull away and firmly grip your hips to stop you.

“Wait- god my heart is thumping.” He chuckled, resting his forehead in yours. “I’m not saying I don’t want this-I mean I do, I really do-but, I just didn't think our first time together would be like this.”

Well, shit. Perhaps Satoru unknowingly pulled you from doing the most stupid thing of your life.

When you said nothing and looked away out of the piling guilt you’d sat in, he continued. “Baby, I’m not saying I don’t want this, I just thought that maybe we’d be in bed and not on the sofa… Hey, look at me.”

When you did, his smile was everything that met his eyes. “I wanna make love to you, not just… I mean, this is nice, and it is nice. But I wanna be somewhere I can tangle you up in my arms and keep you there for the entire night.”

Staying the night. It was plain wrong.

make love to you. Even worse.

Clarity was a hidden and viciously invisible monster who jumped out at the last minute. Every. Single. Time.

“Oh…” Clearing your throat seemed to echo. “Yeah, I guess you’re right-“

“This evening is going so well, I don’t wanna ruin it- I promise you that’s not what I wanna do. I just didn’t think this was on the cards tonight, I’m kinda under prepared.”

“No… no, it’s fine.”

Maybe it was for the best. Sleeping with him and pretending you were pregnant by him was foolish and a stupid idea.

Back out now.

“Maybe we should end the night here…” You backed off of him without making eye contact. “You should go-“

Satoru pulled you back on to his lap with the strength you had almost forgotten he had. “No, wait. Baby, that’s not what I mean. Besides… it’s stormin’ out there, I’ll get soaked. Please don’t be like that.”

“I’m not being like anything, Satoru. You’re right. It’s not the right time.”

“No, I’m not saying it’s the wrong time. I very much want us to sleep together. I was just caught off guard. I mean… are you ready for that sort of thing?”

Now he was considering your own feelings when he’d been pushing this kind of intimacy for weeks?

Selfish son of a bitch.

”I…” Now was the chance to run. 

“It’s not… look, I think I enjoyed the company. I’m not thinking straight-“

“Wait, don’t run away.” He sat you down again. “Tell me, baby. Are you ready for this?”

His strength. Nothing you could fight against now.

So you nodded, suddenly shrouded with rose tint for the further of your own family with the lapse of clarity. 

This was the only way.

One way to save your family.

One way to save yourself.

But, you tried one more time and let fate decide.

“Really?”

“I am, Satoru. But it’s fine, really. Though I do think you should go, come back tomorrow. I just need to clear my head-“ 

He pressed the base of your skull to get you closer to him, lips locked again temporarily, cock twitching between your legs.

“Please don’t ever suggest I leave again, I couldn’t bear it.”

“W-What do you mean?” You said, breathlessly feeling the swell of your lip.

Satoru stood up with you wrapped around him as though you were nothing more than the blanket wrapped around him. It haphazardly dropped to the floor, you clung in for dear life.

He must have assumed it was your choice to do so. “If we’re gonna do this, then I want us to be comfortable.” 

Satoru swiped the baby monitor from the coffee table and started his ascent up the stairs once he’d navigated his way into the hallway with his lips wrapped up in yours.

The bedroom? No… not there. Anywhere but there-

“You’re mine now, baby. Let me show you, Hm?”

“Just not in the bedroom.” It came out way more abruptly than you intended.

He froze on the stairs. “What?”

Thinking quickly was something he had forced you to evolve to. “The spare room. Take me there.”

“Why?” Was he suspicious already?

“Sakura, she’s not been the best sleeper recently. I mean, I can cough in the night and she’s waking up. If we go to the spare room…” Suguru can’t hear us. I can’t risk that. “Then she won’t wake from any noises. We wouldn’t have to be so silent.”

Satoru resumed his sweetened condensed milk smile, pecking your lips and continuing. “You think of everything, don’t you? That’s why I love you.”

Yeah, that’s why the self loathing returned for even placating the man who tried ruining your marriage. Walking into the spare room may as well have been that death sentence.

Suguru, please forgive me. 

Chapter Text

“Satoru, can we keep the lights off, please?” It was the best way to trick yourself into getting through it without sobbing.

“Why? You’re beautiful.”

It was like his kiss was testing you, eye contact and his index finger possessively to your chin. If he was goading you, it almost worked.

“My body-I haven’t been-since… Well, I haven’t even seen myself naked since I was pregnant.”

A lie.

Satoru held you closer as though to claim you under his fingertips. “You’re beautiful. Your body went through a big change to bring our daughter into the world. Be proud of it. I am.”

“I get that. I just-can we turn them off? At least for tonight?” You swallowed down the bile.

The pause, and Satoru’s expression was unreadable. “You’re nervous. I get it, so am I. We can turn the lights off if you really want to, but maybe keep the little lamp on? I’d really like to see you.”

There was no way he was backing down, was he? Always an excuse. Always a reason to go against what you wanted. 

“Okay, I-I can do that.”

He didn’t wait, he didn’t hesitate. Satoru kissed you again, backing towards the door to switch the light off. The lamp’s glow in the corner served as a warning to your hideous infidelity.

The lasting touch of his fingers burned into the material of the dress like the prison it already was. It singed, bubbled and overflowed against the goosebumps over every inch of your body. The zip moved and tugged in a way you wanted to recoil from.

Sex with another man. 

Just terrifying.

And what if your breasts leaked too? How would you react if Satoru passed a comment at the way your stomach hung, adorned with its stretch marks Sakura gave you. It was something you’d never given mind to until now. Suguru knew what to expect. He couldn’t keep his hands off you in the sweetest way. But Satoru on the other hand, his hands came hot in an entirely different way. If you closed your eyes to ignore it, it sort of helped.

“I didn’t think we’d be doing this tonight, but I am so glad we are.”

“Y-yeah.” Was all you could say in return.

It came on in waves like a blur, from the doorway, placing the baby monitor down on the bedside table, to the back of your legs touching the bed frame. He encapsulated your lips, gentle nipping at the bottom one. You hoped it wouldn’t mark if he ever decided to get rougher with you. Suguru would see, he’d find out if he hadn’t worked it out already. It could have been your hyper-awareness, with each touch burning over you that you wanted to yank yourself away from that concerned itself with his expression you expected to see.

Another blur, and your clothes were off. His too. Then, you were on the bed, Satoru on top of you just how Suguru would, similar touches with foreign meanings. It was wrong. Just unnatural. Another man between your legs and you had to fake everything. For the first time, you were certain you weren’t as good an actress as you hoped.

“What’s wrong?” Satoru said, propping himself up on his elbows. “Did you want to slow down some more?”

He didn’t offer to stop. That in itself was irredeemable.

“No.” You said it quicker than you should have. “No… I’m okay. Just nerves. Jitters.”

“Okay. Well, maybe this could help you relax.”

He planted sweet little kisses along your neck line at first, inching his way down to your collar bone. You prayed with everything you had that he would stop there, that he’d never go lower than that and leave the rest of your body alone.

No one answered your prayers.

Down… down past your breasts, though not before nipping at the sensitive skin around your nipples and running his lips over your stomach. Down lower, it was evident he was going to do what you didn't want him to. If you stopped him, there was no telling how he would react.

Your body froze, it seized up upon contact. His fingers tugged at your underwear, peppering delicate kisses in the inside of your thighs and hot breath casting doubt on whether you really were doing the right thing.

“God, no wonder you’re so wound up like a spring.”

You propped yourself up on your elbows. “What?”

Satoru's mouth hovered over you, exposing yourself. “He didn’t take care of you like a husband should, did he? Baby, you’re practically shivering.”

You almost gasped at the mention of Suguru. Why of all times would he bring him up now?

“N-No, uh, no.” It killed to lie like that.

And after he slipped your underwear off, he lazily mumbled under his breath. “I’ll take care of you for life.”

Biting your lip was something that only temporarily kept you quiet, cringing at the way his tongue moved and how his fingers prodded you with such a lack of care to your own body.

He called it love, you called it control.

Soon enough, he moved in a way that hoped you would finish all over his mouth. His fingers curled inside you, tongue hot over your clit like some device with an on switch.

It then dawned on you that you were going to have to fake an orgasm.

There was no way you could actually come even if you wanted to.

Oh Suguru.

You waited another agonising minute, hoping that his saliva was enough to make you appear wet enough, and moved your hips in a way that proved you were excited. Then, you tangled your fingers in his hair, gripping it at the roots in a bet to hurt him ‘unintentionally’ with excitement.

He moaned. It spurred him on.

You got nothing from it.

“Satoru.” You said, feigning heavy breaths and the will to keep going.

He pulled away for just a second. “You’re close? Good.”

Back to shoving his face between your legs and ‘making you feel good’ which again, did nothing. Still, getting this over with quickly meant that you might gain an ounce of self respect back in any sense. 

Maybe. Probably not. You had still betrayed your husband.

I can’t keep thinking about him. I’ll cry if I do.

Satoru continued, grasping the plush of your thigh and pinching with his fingertips. In silence, and therefore inherently awkward. It was as though he was watching you, centre stage with the lights on just waiting. Waiting to see if you’d trip up, or say the lines perfectly so he could hear from the back.

Acting. That’s what it was.

“S-Satoru… oh, fuck.”

It was strange saying things you knew were artificial muscle memory of your times with Suguru, said out loud in such a robotic way. Such a sterile and unusual environment.

He lapped you up, taking your moans as uncharted territory to explore and dominate for his own selfish needs. Satoru held onto you tighter, licked faster, pumped his fingers in and out of you with fervour.

It would have been rather interesting for any other woman, who wasn’t married, to experience. Satisfying you imagined, despite not caring. 

Why the hell did he have to pick you?

“I’m going to-“

Holding your breath was the easiest way to sell the dream. Jerking now and then to simulate an orgasm was entirely accurate and deceitful. Easier to say nothing than the whole dog and pony show of vocals and theatrics.

Simple was enough.

You let go immediately, hoping he would somehow see you didn’t want to be touched further. He crawled back over you, leaving his face wet and covered with his smile.

“Better? You seem a lot more relaxed now.”

No I’m fucking not. “Yeah… that was nice.”

It left your mouth bitter, more so than when he kissed you. The taste of your own self left that acrid bitterness over your entire soul. It was then you noticed the tip of his cock pushing against you.

“Fuck, my heart is racing.” He chuckled, rubbing his nose against yours. “I really didn’t think we’d be doin’ this tonight."

“We can leave it-“

“No, no. That’s not what I’m saying, baby. I just… I love you so much, I’m just nervous too.” Another kiss and push of his tip. “I haven’t got a condom though.”

Then stop what you’re doing. Give me a reason to stop this shit right now.

“But I remember you saying you’re on the pill.”

It wasn’t a question to ask whether you wanted to proceed, it was a statement declaring he would fuck you with nothing between. All you could do was nod. Nod at the way his lips wandered down your chest again, to your nipples.

“Wait-“ you almost bumped heads propping yourself up again. “I could be leaking.”

You checked, maybe in hopes he’d be repulsed or something equally devaluing to halt the entire process. Despite needing to do this, you were thinking of every possible thing to stop it. But in Satoru fashion, he laid you back down again, hand tucked behind your neck as though it would break if he didn’t.

“What, leaking milk that you feed our daughter with? Why would that matter?”

“Because it’ll get everywhere and…”

His lips were the most delicate they had ever been. “Did you feel like this with Suguru? Did he make you feel like it was a bad thing?”

Really? Bringing him up again during sex?

“Well, no. But-“

“Baby, you’re perfect. Your body is perfect. If you leak, I’ll clean you up. If you don’t leak, then that’s okay too.” 

He leant down and ran his tongue over your nipple, the warming sensation most definitely would cause you to leak.

“Besides, I was always curious.” It was under his breath, but you heard it. That sexualisation of a normal bodily function.

It came personified in the form of his cock penetrating you, slowly, never harsh, yet it may as well have been. You tried not to wince, to think of literally anything else to take your mind away as his pace never sped up.

I’m doing this for my baby. My babies. Holy fuck, I’m pregnant. My babies. I’m doing this for my family. Just endure it. It’s only once. Just once.

Satoru rubbed your hair, fiddling with it whenever his lips weren’t locked with yours. His pelvis did not move around with excitement, just as though an old lover were taking up residence between your legs. In fact, during some of it, you really could close your eyes to pretend it was Suguru. Besides the two smelling drastically different, you could make do with what you had which seemed to speed the process up.

That was until Satoru scooped you up in his arms, picking you up so that you were straddled over his hips. He bounced you slowly as you held on, hoping not to fall off the bed. It wouldn’t have been the worst thing.

Awkward, eye contact in the dark and exchanged breaths you didn’t want. He didn’t say a word, neither did you. Only the sound and fleshy rubbing of his body part inside of you. Then, what came out of his mouth shocked you. A whimper, something unknown to Satoru Gojo.

“I’m close, where should I come?”

It was delicate enough for you to misinterpret at first. With enough focus, you blurted out, “Inside me.”

Fighting back every tear he had already made you shed, the sun lit room kept you safe. A memory now you would live with for the rest of your life.

“Come inside of me Satoru, please.”

He stopped a second, as though really seeing you for the first time. “Yeah?”

“I’m on the pill. Do it.” Taking initiative, you bounced without his aid for the first time.

Satoru sucked your lip and travelled to your breasts, heavy with milk. He took your nipple in his mouth and sucked, pulling the milk with the similar pins and needles sensation you got from the pump.

He drank you and he fucked you, still slow, still with ‘care’. But he used you as a tool, a weapon to use in aiding his own orgasm without thinking of the repercussions.

When his breathing changed, you just knew he was close. The point of no return entirely, to make this plan believable.

To make him believe in a few weeks.

Satoru 's hips  jolted, you held in your immense dread. He released. You stifled. 

Semen and tears. 

Relief and despair.

I’m a fucking terrible person.

And once Satoru unlatched, he wiped his mouth and coaxed your lips to his. “That was… I love you so much.”

You said nothing.

He did not move.

“I wish I’d done all this sooner.” A lapse of post-nut clarity? “We’re perfect for each other,”

Humming in agreement satisfied him enough to allow you back down on the bed. Satoru rolled over and flopped down on the bed.

If you didn’t leave now, you were certain to burst out crying.

“Where are you going?”

You froze. “I just need the bathroom, I won’t be long.”

“Okay.” He didn’t sound convinced. “Don’t be long, I wanted to cuddle right after, I’ll miss you.”

“Right… I'm just going to check on Sakura after. Give me five minutes.”

The door closed behind you before Satoru could say another word. You rushed off down the hall to check on your daughter first, holding your breath as you entered to avoid a Satoru hearing on the monitor.

Sakura was sound asleep as though none of this had ever happened. Unbeknownst to her that her mother had done something so disgusting, you doubted she’d ever forgive you if she ever found out.

But for now, she was unaware.

So, you backed out and clicked the door shut, stepping into the bathroom. Deep breaths and the door closed too, releasing everything you held in. Covering your mouth kept the sounds from escaping, but not the vomit. It helped crossing your legs, but you couldn’t stop the involuntary expulsion of evil. Because that’s what Satoru was, he was evil for putting you in such a position.

A sickness, and the need to be cleansed.

All you could do was scramble up from the toilet in hopes Satoru had not heard you and rush to the shower. You yanked the dial without a care and stepped in without waiting for the temperature to adjust, standing there with your legs haphazardly open. 

Kegel’s. Practising them after birth pushed the remnants of Satoru’s semen from you. It splattered in the floor and promptly swished down the plug hole along with your immense hiccups and whimpers.

The first phase of the plan had come and gone. But at what cost?

Your fucking sanity.

Chapter Text

As Satoru laid on the bed he had just made love to you in, he rested his head on his hands with an expression he could only pass off as smug.

It all came to a head far quicker than he thought. While the evening had been an overwhelmingly perfect one, he never imagined that you would initiate sex.

Did he perform well enough? He hoped so. Having your legs wrapped around his head, quivering as you came was very telling. He was just that good. Though he ruminated on your hasty exit, something felt off, he put it down to first time nerves.

And maybe because you hadn’t slept with anyone else since being with Suguru.

Change is change. Satoru could accept that, even if you initiated it.

Still, he didn’t think about just now, not when his smug side watched the ceiling like a trophy, the side table lamp’s glow enticing a round of applause that he finally had you, that Satoru played a check mate to Suguru and nabbed his wife.

It should have always been you and Satoru.

And now it was.

Just you and him. Just you… who had been ages in the bathroom.

Satoru sat up and held his breath, listening to any movement.The storm outside hadn’t shown any signs of stopping, only that the thunder had eased off. There was no sign of you on the baby monitor either, no door closing or adorable little whispers to his daughter to wish her sweet dreams. Nothing. So you weren’t feeding her, and it didn’t take that long to go to the bathroom.

So he climbed out of bed, ignoring anything to cover himself and stepped out into the hallway. There was a distant hissing, the bathroom light stayed on. Water, running and spraying, nothing like a sink would produce. It was the shower, you were in the shower. 

While it was odd this time of night, and so recently after sex, Satoru couldn’t help grin. He padded over to the bathroom door and tried the handle.

“If I knew you were gonna shower, I would have joined you.”

But it was locked.

That’s odd.

He pressed his ear to the door and listened before knocking. Were you singing, or talking to yourself? He listened out for your voice, but it wasn’t anything he recognised.

“Baby?” He knocked, loud enough to hear over the shower.

It wasn’t words you spoke, but you were crying and… other noises.

Satoru knocked again, louder this time. “Baby, are you alright? Are you sick?”

Nothing. No response. No acknowledgement.

What if you had fallen unconscious?

This time, he pounded his fist on the door, wary of Sakura next door. “Can you let me in please?”

The shower stopped followed by silence.

Satoru knocked one last time though with less power behind it. “Are you okay? Let me in.”

“Uh… I’m okay, I just… I needed to shower quick. I-I won’t be a minute.”

Something wasn’t right, though before Satoru could protest, the shower water ran again. A few minutes dragged by, with Satoru anxiously pacing the door.

When the water stopped again, the bathroom door opened. You were there, in a towel, hair dripping right onto the floor despite the other towel around your hair.

“Sorry.”

“What happened? I almost kicked this door down to make sure you were okay.”

“You did?” You froze, meeting his eyes as though staring at headlights.

“Yeah.” He adamantly nodded, leaning on the doorframe. “I was. You left after what was one of the most intimate moments we've ever had, and I end up hearing you vomiting in the bathroom? Of course I wanted to get in and check on you.”

He wasn’t angry, just concerned.

“I’m sorry. I’m not feeling too well all of a sudden. I think I might be coming down with something.”

Without a thought, he checked your temperature, feeling your forehead and cheek for any sign of illness. “You don’t have a temperature. You think it could be food poisoning? What did you eat yesterday?”

“I… I don’t know. I’m just not feeling good, I’ll probably be over it tomorrow. But maybe it’s best you go. I wouldn’t want you to catch anything-”

“No. Definitely not.” It was in stone now. “If you’re not well, then Sakura probably either has whatever you have, or you’re gonna struggle nursing her while you’re sick. So I’ll stay, and I can help you.”

It’s fine. Really. I can handle it.”

“I know you can. But don’t they say that it takes a village? I can help.”

You took a deep inhale to which Satoru assumed you were going to need the bathroom again, but you stayed. “Really. It’s okay.”

“Why won’t you let me take care of you? Especially what we just did, I think we can rely on each other. Baby, you can rely on me.”

“Satoru, I said it’s fine.”

It wasn’t. It definitely wasn’t. “You’re all on your own here.”

“Yeah, who’s fault is that?”

The hallway fell quiet, your eyes widened at Satoru’s silence. “Fuck… I’m-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I-I didn’t mean that.”

Satoru sighed, taking your hand that you reluctantly gave and shifted his head back in the direction of the spare room. “Come with me.”

“I’m… I’m sorry.” He noticed your panicked tone immediately. “I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

“You did. It’s alright.” He sat you down on the bed and allowed the dim lamp to give you some comfort. “I honestly didn’t mean for this to go the way it has. I just got kinda desperate when you and Suguru hadn’t split up yet.”

Met with your lack of response, Satoru rubbed your knee to extend that comfort. “I didn’t think you’d last this long together honestly. Suguru’s always preferred shy girls. So when you married… and you got more dominant in the relationship, I didn’t think it would last long anyway. And then you wanted kids…”

Still, you said nothing.

“So yes. You did mean to say that. I’m not mad about it.” He rubbed his neck to afford himself something to grasp on. “I have a lot to give you to prove I’m the best person for you, but I can’t do that if you try to push me away.”

“It’s not that… I just don’t want you getting unwell-”

“Let me finish.” He didn’t demand it, he just kept it soft.

When you didn’t speak back, he continued. “I am aware of my actions and I know this is hard. I just try not to think about it because I know eventually, you’ll see. Even if you don’t fully realise it just yet.”

Just because Satoru knew what was best for you, it didn’t mean he was some robot. A divorce was hard no matter how quickly he wanted you to forget about it. Keeping a butterfly in a jar was easy enough, but he couldn’t just shove it in his pocket and carry it around with him.

“I just want to take care of you and our daughter. And in time, you might find that I’m actually good for you. For us.”

Your response took forever, and Satoru wasn’t sure you would ever respond. The spare towel dropped to the floor, it left the sound of your breaths the only part Satoru focused on.

“I’m exhausted.”

“I know, baby. So let me be there for you.”

Before you could speak, Sakura’s cries came over the monitor speaker.

Satoru got up before you, snatching his pants from the floor. “I get her-I’ll get her. Get dry and I’ll bring her in.”

He left you in the bedroom, closing the door for privacy and scooting on to the main bedroom where Sakura was kicking her legs with frustration.

“Hey, hey, hey. Daddy’s here, princess. Are you hungry?”

She was coughing at how agitated she was, stiffening herself when he scooped her up in his arms. As she laid on his chest, she was throwing up her head and wriggling about screaming while she looked for something to suck on. 

Namely, Satoru’s neck.

“There’s no milk in there, angel.” It amused him, seeing a person who looked so much like him, so miniature. “But there’s mommy, she’ll have what you’re looking for.

You were still wet, the t-shirt clinging to your back as part of a pyjama set. Little shorts, totally cute.

“Hey, sweetie.” Sakura latched immediately. “You were just hungry, hm? Let’s wipe those tears away.”

You did, running your finger over Sakura’s face as she fed, her eyes slowly edging closed. Satoru picked up the towel off the carpet and sat behind you, a leg either side.

“What are you-”

“Your hair is still dripping, it’s getting your shirt all wet. Don’t need you feeling any worse than you already are.”

“Oh… thank you.”

There you and he sat quietly watching and listening to Sakura’s sweet breaths as the rain eased off a little. Her eyes opened and shut periodically, usually looking at you with such a loving expression. Satoru hoped at some point she’d give him that look too. Maybe once he convinced you to bottle feed, he and Sakura would share moments like that.

He didn’t move from behind you either, eventually snaking his hands to your waist and then your stomach. It was a comfort of his, rubbing his thumbs in circular shapes for stability. So he knew you’d stay and wouldn’t get up to leave.

After Sakura fed, you changed her and let her fall asleep on your chest, kissing her now and then with your eyes closed.

“Okay.” You said.

“Hm?” Satoru rubbed his eyes, hiding a yawn so that he didn’t fall asleep watching his daughter sleep.

“You can stay tonight. It’s late.”

He was staying anyway. Yet it was nice to hear it from your lips to confirm it. “I think maybe we should talk about me staying over more often, not just tonight.”

“Why? It’s good we have space.”

Satoru propped himself up on his elbow. “I know, but I also think it’s a good idea we talk about staying together more often. We have a daughter together, we’re trialing things out, we should spend more time with each other. Y’know, later down the line, we’ll move in together eventually. Might as well trial it now.”

“You think that?”

“I know that. I mean, I’ve wanted it for a while now, but I hadn't brought it up because I didn’t want you bolting when it got too real. But seeing how things played out this evening, we might as well discuss it, at least.”

“Right. Well, can I think about it? I think I need to get used to living on my own for a bit. You know, like a settling in thing? It’s a big move and I think Sakura is really feeling it.”

Satoru didn’t agree. “I’m her dad, surely that isn’t something of a 'big move' to upset her, having me around more.”

“No, I get that.”

“Why don’t we change things altogether? You both should move in with me.”

"Something big like that might be confusing to her. It’s best that she stays here. And I want this place to be her childhood home, Satoru. I don’t want to rip that from her.”

“So what do you propose?”

Satoru either lived here, or you and Sakura moved into his apartment. That’s how it was going to go.

“Maybe…. A few nights a week-like one or two nights. You stay and we’ll see how it goes.”

You’d give in eventually, Satoru had ways to ensure that. He allowed you the choice for now.

“Alright. Let’s do that.”

“Okay. Good. Well, I’m going to take her to bed, and I’ll be getting some sleep.”

“I’ll come with you.”

He followed you without a word, without a choice to leave you on your own. The plan? To sleep in the main bedroom and not in the spare room like some hidden affair.

Sakura settled into her crib like always and Satoru caught you before you could leave the room. “Let’s sleep in here tonight. I wanna be close to her.”

It was too dark to see your expression, and he couldn’t hear if you said anything under your breath when the rain picked up again. “Uh, yeah... I can't sleep in a different room, not until she's six months at least.”

“Perfect.”

Satoru climbed in first, pulling the duvet cover away to allow you entry. He pulled you close without as much as a word and settled you on his chest. He played with your hair, starting from the roots and letting the ends fall from his fingers, hoping his heartbeat would put you to sleep.

“G'night, baby.”

“Goodnight.”

“I love you.”

You squeezed him tighter, warming him despite the cold from no words. But, he knew in time you would, and tonight was a massive step to the future he wanted with you.

His little family, just perfect.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Chapter Text

Sho: Hey, when is a good time to drop by? I have a few things for the baby.

Shoko didn’t even know.

The one person who stayed in contact semi-regularly after you fell pregnant. The one person you were dreading to see if she ever found out about all this. Which at some point, she would.

Introduced to you by Suguru, Shoko became something of an adopted sibling, albeit an inconsistent one. As far as you knew, she had been off travelling the last two weeks, the time must have come and went already.

You: Can I get back to you? Sakura didn’t sleep too well last night. I'm a zombie right now.

“Who’s that?” Satoru said from across the kitchen, rifling through the cupboards to sort something for breakfast.

However, you had no appetite.

You set down your phone. “Shoko.”

There was no point in lying.

Sakura rested her hand on your chest, having her breakfast. Her little fingers clenching and letting go, pinching little marks over the sensitive skin. She must have sensed the tension too.

“She’s back from Europe already? Two weeks goes fast when you’re having fun.”

Fun, what did he know about fun?

“Yeah, she was just asking how Sakura was.”

Might as well tell him before he asks.

Satoru nodded to no one. “We should go see her soon.”

No. Absolutely not. “She doesn’t know about any of this. No one knows apart from my mom. I’d like to keep things on the downlow while things adjust. She’ll take it pretty rough.”

Satoru shrugged off your concerns. “She’ll need to know eventually, might as well pull the bandaid off.”

“She left the country knowing her two friends were married, and she returned to them both getting a divorce. I don’t want to take the bandaid off with this, Satoru.”

You saw the flicker of irritation, he hid it well enough. “She’ll react to it either way, best to just get it done.”

“I said no.”

“Why not?”

“I’m putting my foot down on this. Don’t start the day off with an argument. It’s still storming out so we’re stuck inside today. So don’t.”

He sucked in a deep breath and held it, clearly wanting to say more. “Alright. Fine. We’ll talk about this some other time.”

No, it’s not a later moment. It’s a no, full stop.

Deciding to ignore him, you watched your daughter instead. “I guess it's a pyjama day today, sweetie. No going out in this rain. All cats and dogs.”

She looked up at you, glassy eyed and huffing with each hungry gulp of milk. It always made you smile. “Yep, cats and dogs everywhere. Where do you think they come from? From the sky when it rains, that’s why we have to stay inside.”

“Are you hungry?” Satoru didn’t step over the tense threshold you’d erected.

“No, I’m fine.”

“You should really eat.”

“I’ll eat later.” You didn’t look at him. “I just need to rest a little bit… I’m still not feeling the best.”

In this instance, you were feeling just fine. It was more of a petty thing to defy it. The rain didn’t help, being cooped up in the house like sardines for the rest of the day.

Satoru kept himself in silence for a few seconds, you hoped he wouldn’t say anything else. “Want me to take Sakura? You were stirring a lot in your sleep last night.”

You froze. “I woke you?”

“Nah. But I’m a very light sleeper.”

Light sleepers were the pinnacle of every thriller film plot you had ever seen in a situation like this. The light sleepers were ten times harder to get away from should the occasion call for it.

“Oh.” Fiddling with Sakura’s little shoes, you turned away. “Sorry. I guess I’m not used to sleeping on the other side of the bed.

“How so?”

“Well, I always slept closest to Sakura because I get up to feed her in the night… I suppose Suguru always liked sleeping closest to the door in the case of intruders or an emergency.”

Satoru’s pause told you everything you needed to know. “Oh right, that makes sense. I wanted to feel close to Sakura, but now that you mention that, it is safer that I sleep closer to the door. Especially in the long run.”

It wasn’t a threat though it sounded like one. In the event you might have to flee in the night, either way you would have to shuffle your way past him with an infant in your arms and a bag to take to your mother’s house.

“Yeah, okay.”

Sakura unlatched on her own, smacking her lips together in a droopy haze. You wiped her lips and covered yourself up, climbing to your feet from the chair to leave the kitchen in a haste. Satoru watched you the entire time, his eyes were burning in the back of your head.

“Is something wrong?”

“Why would you think that?”

“You’re staring, is there something on my face?”

“No.” He chuckled. “I just like watching you. You’re pretty, and seeing you with Sakura makes me… happy.”

“Right… Okay.”

You left it at that, already feeling dirty from the night before despite the shower and the terrifying notion that part of Satoru was still inside you like some infection. Now he was getting weird, awkward, creepy.

There were a few days until you saw Suguru and the idea was making you nauseous.

It’s way too early for nausea symptoms. It’s my guilt talking.

“So what did you want to do today? Movies all day sounds good.”

“Do you now need to go to work, or something? I wouldn’t want to-”

Satoru smiled in a way that unsettled you. “Don’t worry about work.” He pulled out his phone. “I’m actually working right now. I don’t need to do much, see?”

His phone screen had a monetary value on it, next to a live graph. Stakes in companies you’d never heard of and some you had. Big companies.

“I have all the time in the world for you two. No long hours and hard days on your own.” He put his phone away with a smile. “I did all my hard work years ago. Never have to do another long day again.”

Fuck.

“Must get boring at times, no?” You regrettably sat down on the sofa first, knowing Satoru would sit right next to you so that your knees were touching.

And he did. “It did for a while. But recently, I found myself occupied with something way more important than my own free time… ”

He locked eyes with you like he’d done so last night. So you looked away at the television hoping to break the connection, reaching for the remote though his eyes still scorched the back of our neck.

“So, what did you want to watch, Satoru?”

“Anything you do.”

Sakura stirred, seemingly understanding your tense aura in Satoru’s presence. She whimpered and frowned in her sleep, lip quivering as though she’d cry from a nightmare. You rubbed her face, your fingertip brushing over her nose until her expression fell to neutral.

“Please don’t be getting unwell, sweetheart.” It was the last thing you and she needed.

“Is she hot at all?” He held the back of his hand to her forehead. “Yeah… a little.”

“Oh no.” It was an exhausted response.

Suguru always handled this stuff. An overtired Sakura was incredibly hard to settle. A rare occurrence, but horrible. Luckily, illness hadn’t been a factor just yet.

If she’s unwell, he’ll definitely want to stay over again.

“Let’s see how she goes first, no use in panicking or fretting just yet.” Satoru’s response came as a surprise. You had expected him to think of himself first.

“I was going to put her in her crib, but I think I’ll let her sleep on me if she’s not feeling well. I don’t want to be away from her if she’s coming down with something.”

“That’s alright. Keep her here. Let’s watch a movie and I’ll order some food later. Sound good?”

No, it didn’t.

“Yeah.”

To give it to Satoru, he didn’t once put you in a position that made you uncomfortable, no excess touching, or glances your way that would suggest he had something else on his mind. He watched the movies that came on, nothing more. It almost gave you a minute to relax in your own skin, it made your eyes droop.

And when you woke up on the sofa, you were laying down, covered with a blanket over your legs despite the humidity. Sakura wasn’t where you left her. And by the clock, you had napped for well over two hours.

“Sakura?... Saku-”

Before you could snatch the blanket off, you froze to the sound of the baby monitor.

Satoru talking to your daughter in the bedroom.

“I love your mom so much, you know that?... I know you can’t hear me because you’re asleep, but I do. And I love you just as much…”

He sighed, but it sounded in awe. "I’ve left the monitor near mommy’s head so she hears you when she wakes up. Don’t want her thinkin’ you sprouted legs and walked off somewhere.” His laugh came through the speaker quietly. “Could you imagine? Walking at this age. I think mommy would lose all her beautiful hair if you did that.”

Sitting up, you listened and fiddled with the edge of the blanket, the movement prevented your heart from breaking. Suguru should have been having these conversations with his daughter. All the lost time, never recovered.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you were born, Princess… now that I’m here, I promise to be there every day, to make up for the weeks we lost spending time together…. My little angel. I’m so happy you came from me, from your mommy. The best part of both of us.”

You had to cover your mouth, to stop the tears from staining your creased, slept in shirt. Satoru’s footsteps scuffled away from the monitor and the bedroom door opened. It was like an allergic response, standing up to make yourself presentable before he appeared. Shirt straight, face wiped, hair in a somewhat reasonable style after combing through it with your fingers. Satoru trotted down the open stairs and slowed when he saw you from across the hallway.

“You’re up. Looks like you needed that, Sakura’s asleep upstairs, though you probably already know that. She’s been out of it for over an hour.”

“Why did you take her upstairs?” Clearly recalling wanting to keep her close.

Satoru strode across the hall so casually. “She woke up when you fell asleep, so I took her and she fell back asleep on me, I couldn’t quite get the buckles of that chair thing of hers to lay her down. I felt better putting her somewhere safer I could put her down on.”

It still couldn’t process through your head. “Is she okay?”

“A bit sniffly, but asleep for now.”

“You managed to get her off to sleep okay?”

“Like an angel.”

There it was. Was Sakura somehow getting used to Satoru already to the point she’d fall asleep with no issues? She knew Satoru already, that was no lie, but this far?

Soul-destroying.

“Is something wrong?”

His touch repelled you when he got close, hands over your waist thinking he owned you.

“No at all. I’m just surprised she went down so quickly without me, especially if she’s not well.”

“I guess she’s comfortable enough with me. That’s good, isn’t it?”

There. He was baiting you again. As soon as Sakura was out of the room, that looming predatory gaze reined over your head again. His eyes. His eyes were eating you up from the inside.

“Yeah… it’s great.” You hoped a smile would sell it.

“How are you feeling now?” It took every ounce not to pull away from his hand testing your skin. “Nope. No temp, that’s good too.”

“I’m... I’m okay.”

And where his hand was, it slipped down to your chin and hooked it. You had no choice but to look at him.

“Good, I hate seeing you unwell. I remember when you had the flu last time, I hated not being able to do anything about it.”

He was going to kiss you.

“It’s a good thing I’m not unwell very often.” It was a statement, but sounded as though you were reciprocating.

“It is.”

He was so close to kissing you, it did not appear he wanted a peck either. Nothing you could do to stop it unless some drastic intervention you would have no luck in receiving.

But, luck has funny ways of changing the battle zone.

Sakura was up and very much awake.

“Leave her a sec, she’ll be alright a few minutes.”

Shaking your head was automatic. “No, she won’t be. That’s her hungry cry. She’s hungry.”

Until now, Satoru still kept your chin up, only pulling away with a look of confusion. “Her hungry cry-There’s more than one cry?”

“Yeah…” Your body refused to move without permission. “She has a cry for everything. When she needs changing, when she’s hungry or in pain… I recognise them all.”

“You’re amazing.” He pulled away. “You know all that from her cry? Baby, that’s amazing.”

It was enough to allow you passage to the bedroom. “I spend so much time with her, it’s her language until she can talk.”

“I gotta read more books.”

You left him, running up the stairs faster than you should have. “Hey baby, I’m sorry. You’re hungry, aren’t you? Mommy fell asleep for just a minute. Oh sweetheart, you aren't well at all, are you?”

Scooping her up, she buried her face into your chest. “I know, oh god you are warm.”

So it began. Small feedings and far more frequently.

She whimpered again, latching desperately into an overtired quiet. Sakura pinched you, her feet still, breathing slowly easing. It was clear she didn’t know what to do with herself.

Maybe she's nursing for comfort than feeding. She rarely uses her pacifier as it is.

“I’m sorry, darling. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“Hey, everything alright in here?” Satoru came in despite his knocking.

“We’re just fine. She’s a little hot, but I think we’ll manage tonight.”

“I’ll stay.” 

I fucking knew this would happen.

“You don’t have to do that. It’ll be me feeding anyway. No point in you being up if she gets upset.”

Satoru’s expression read neutral, like he knew you’d say that. “And if she needs the hospital? You really think I’ll let you drive yourself there? She’s our daughter, no way am I lettin’ you do that on your own.”

“So, what do you propose, Satoru?” It was thrown back into his face.

“I stay here, at least until she’s better. And, maybe if you pumped, I could feed her-“

“No, I don’t want her bottle fed unless I absolutely have to.”

“Maybe you should consider-“

“I’m not giving her formula either. I do not want her having formula. I’m not discussing that.” Holding your daughter securely was supposed to be some display of who was in control. “It's my milk, she needs my night milk, if I pumped now for her to drink through the night, she wouldn’t sleep well through it and it’ll make her worse.”

“Okay…” He actually backed off. “Okay. Then I’ll be here for support. I won’t bring up her eating habits. Just let me help.”

Help?

You’d get him helping.

“Could you get the medicine from the cabinet in the kitchen? It should help with her temperature.”

By making him your fetch and retrieve bitch.

“Of course, baby.” 

He kissed the top of your head and disappeared, leaving you and Sakura alone. Maybe this was a clue for you, a saving grace for the time being.

It was only waiting now. Waiting until phase two of the plan. That came after ensuring your daughters health.

I’ll need to tell Suguru somehow. 

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough.

Chapter Text

Saturday dragged as it finally arrived.

Though for the second time, Satoru didn’t allow you passage on your own.

It was why you found yourself sitting in some upscale bar you could not afford, your unwell daughter asleep in your arms.

She had become so clingy, red cheeked and drooling. Satoru seemed to think fresh air would make her feel better, but all she needed was warmth and plenty of cuddles inside.

Why the hell are we here?

“How is she doing, hon?” Your mom sat opposite in the isolated booth in the back.

Something of a V.I.P booth.

“Still sleeping. She’s not due her medication until three.”

“Poor baby.” She leant over a little and saw her face. “Her cheeks are so flushed. All cuddles and body contact, that’s what my midwife always said when you were little. ‘They run off our body’ she always used to say. Plenty of rest, medicine and mommy cuddles. Sorry Satoru, but they are the best kind.”

She played along, it was a sly dig at him, however he didn’t see it that way.

“Oh yeah, mommy cuddles are the best.” Direct eye contact with you, then Sakura. “The very best.”

He ran his finger over her cheek, taking a sip of his water before the food arrived. “You wanna put her in the car seat before you eat?”

“I can eat just fine with her here, I think I’d rather keep her close for now. She’s far too clingy to put her down.”

“Maybe that's why she’s getting clingy, because you aren’t puttin’ her down.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” your mom cut in before your cheeks could even flush red. “I remember when I was in labour, that all I wanted was my mom. When we’re unwell, it’s the same thing. She’ll get back into her routine soon enough.”

You agreed. “I remember  wanting you too, mom, when Sakura was born.”

“Gosh, I can’t believe how long ago that was already. Ten weeks old. Two and a half months. It flies by.”

“It does.” She looked like a little cherub, her cupid’s bow so defined as she sucked on her bottom lip.

The whole conversation was the perfect misdirection. Satoru had no place questioning whether you should be holding your own daughter or not. She had a temperature on and off for the last few days, you put it down to missing her dad, a good cuddle with Suguru and plenty of rest would help.

The temperature was nowhere high enough to warrant a hospital visit, just peaking a little that called for medicine to allow her to sleep. You consulted your midwife anyway to be sure without Satoru’s input.

“What did the midwife say?”

Before you could respond, the food came. Satoru was watching you, he didn’t even say thank you when his food was placed in front of him. Did the information concerning the midwife affect him that much?

Oh yes, because he liked being the one caregiver you could rely on.

“You called the midwife? When?” He’d been at the house pretty much all week, there was no way of getting time on your own.

“During my telephone appointment. I was scheduled last week but she had to delay it, a good thing really. She told me of some things to watch out for, but she says it sounds like it could be viral. If I see anything, then I can call the doctor.”

“Oh right, I didn’t know. Were you worried? We could have gone to the hospital? I have a doctor I could call to be sure. He’s fantastic.”

You took a bite and shook your head while you ate. “That’s not necessary. Sakura has a doctor. She’s great too. But I’m not worried, I just thought I’d ask while she was on the phone.”

He nodded and ate too, glancing over at you now and then. The thought of you relying on anyone else beside him or your mother must have been eating away at him.

Good.

“So, Satoru, how is work?” Your mom sensed the tense aura he emitted.

It severed in half as soon as he was talking about himself. “It’s going well, just signed off on a company that provides computer parts for JAXA.”

She feigned interest. “The space program? Wow. It must be crazy to work with people that do all that stuff-I remember when you mentioned you were doing things inside that unit you rented out-when was it, when you were in high school? It's really taken off now.”

“Yeah, I’ve come a long way since high school.” He shrugged, taking a hold on his glass and watched Sakura closely. “But I don’t do much really, it’s more stocks and shares these days, I just find a spot in the market and fill it.”

“But… what if you can’t fill it?”

Now, you weren’t interested, but you did want to hear whether there was a chance he could lose everything.

“Then I move on, there’s plenty of companies and small businesses that don’t make it, I just happen to find the ones that do.”

So he really could lose everything.

Then he wouldn’t be able to buy his right to see Sakura under the table.

“So it’s high risk and high reward?”

“Exactly. I’m just too good to lose right now.”

No one was ‘too good to lose’. No one.

Throughout the meal, your mom and Satoru conversed about all sorts of things, most of what you weren’t interested in hearing. It was all trip ups to get information from him. The money, his intentions, what he did in his spare time. Little things. Details no one would take note of otherwise.

It wasn’t even that he had more to spare, he had money to roll in and burn.

After the plates were taken away, Satoru cleared his throat and got your attention. “You’ve been a bit quiet today, are you alright?”

“I’m okay, just tired.” An artificial response.

“Well, I hope this will cheer you up.” He handed you a box, heavier than it looked.

It was adorned in a bow, red wrapping. Maybe a peace offering, but something to take your daughter from your arms just so you could open it.

“What is it?”

“Open it and you’ll see.” His grin wasn’t anything to melt into.

A phone. A brand new mobile phone you didn’t need.

“Uh, what-why did you get this? I’m, I mean my phone isn’t broken.”

“It’s a new one, the latest model. I just wanted to treat you to something. The phone you have is old, you deserve a new one.”

You and your mom exchanged knowing looks.

He must have put something on it.

“I only got my phone like, not even two years ago.”

“Exactly. It’s old. This is my gift to you, for everything you do for Sakura.”

No, no, no, no! He isn’t supposed to be buying me things. There’s nothing wrong with my phone and if I just up and leave after I’m in the clear with Suguru, I have to give it all back. I don’t want anything from him.

“Wow…” The difficult thing was that you had to appear grateful. “That’s so kind of you, Satoru, thank you. I don’t know what to say.”

“Baby, you don’t have to say a word. Just enjoy it.” He leant over and kissed your cheek, backing out of the booth to hand Sakura to your mom. “I need the restroom real quick, when you’re home tomorrow, we’ll set it up, okay?”

“Okay…”

Watching him walk away out of sight, you set the phone down and just stared at it. Your mom rocked Sakura and shuffled over closer, she whispered like Satoru was still listening.

“I know for a fact he’s put some tracking software or whatever it is the young people use nowadays.”

“Mom, I can’t use this. I don’t want to owe him anything. What if he can see everything on my phone?”

“You don’t text him anyway.” She was referring to Suguru. “It should be fine, but he’ll always know where you are.”

“Do you really think he did?” It was a stupid question before you even said it.

Your mom glared at you because you knew better. “Look at what he’s done already, it’s best to assume the worst with that one.”

“I wish this attorney would just hurry up… I have to get through another week or so and then he’s going to get even more intense. It’ll get worse. I can’t believe I did that.” Burying your head in your hands was supposed to hide yourself.

It put you right on display.

“Quick, he’s coming back.”

Sitting up, straight and seemingly guilt free. Satrou came back and wriggled along the booth next to you, pulling you in his arms.

“Look at us, one big happy family. I’m gonna miss you tonight. I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Now that the rain has cleared and dried, I think we should go shopping together, stock the house up. And going out got me thinking that I’d really like to take Sakura to the zoo when she’s better.”

So much information. Way too much energy.

But a happy family? Not likely.

“I’ll need to prepare meals for the week, it could be handy to do that tomorrow.”

“Sounds good, we could cook together, that’ll be fun.”

Agreed. More like forced. You noticed a pattern with Satoru how he dominated the conversation only when it came to you. No one else. And now you had more plans when all you’d rather do was stay with your baby.

At least he left after paying the bill and didn’t offer to take you back to your mom’s house. That was solely down to your mom insisting on taking you back with her.

Thanks mom.

To make things somewhat worse, which you weren’t entirely sure if it was or not, Suguru was already there when you arrived. Standing in the hallway, noticing Sakura first in her car seat, then you.

“Hi…” You said, barely making eye contact.

“I’ll leave you two to discuss a few things.” Your mom took Sakura from you and ventured towards the kitchen, not before giving a reassuring grab on Suguru’s shoulder. “I have your milk in the fridge ready when she wakes up. Take all the time you need.”

You went upstairs first, heading to your room and holding breath when he closed the bedroom door. Turning to face him was one of the hardest things you had to do.

“Suguru, I’m-”

He pulled you into an embrace which you stood wide eyed. “I’m sorry.”

“No… I’m sorry.” You pulled away first. “I can’t look at myself in the mirror. How can you look at me?”

He worked it out already, you saw it in his saddened expression. “Hon, it was so selfish of me to ask you not to tell me anything. I’m the worst person ever.”

“You? Look what I did? You aren’t the worst, I would feel the same if I was in your position.”

“No. I’m your husband, and we should be doing this together, but I left you to do it all on your own… It kills me to think-I can’t afford to think of myself when you and Sakura are so much more important. You have gone through something traumatic, and there’s more to come. I never should have left you to face it alone. I’ve been agonising over it all week, I just wanted to come over and tell you. To take you away from it all.”

You could never stop the tears when you were in the arms of your husband. “Look at what I did, Suguru… I tried to think of any excuse not to do it but there was always a reason to do it. I found out how much money he has, he-he could take Sakura away whenever he wants, he’s goading me, he’s playing with me.”

“I want to take it all away, I want to get rid of it all. I don’t know how I can help that won’t things worse. All I'm doing is convincing my mom not to come over."

“To be honest, I'm surprised she hasn't come over for a surprise visit. She'll hit the roof if she finds out."

"I feel so useless-”

"You are not useless, Suguru.”

“Then what kind of husband am I letting you do all this while I sit here and just do nothing?”

“Suguru, you’re a better man than Satoru ever will be. Don’t talk about yourself like that.” Cupping his face warmed you. “Please don’t… I can’t bear it.”

“Please, tell me what I can do for you. Honey, sitting around hopeless isn’t how I was raised, I can’t keep doing this. I want to run away with you, get out of here and take Sakura with us.”

Satoru would find you, he’d find Sakura and the result would still be the same. Court. Money. Papers. 

“We will. I know we will. As soon as we get married again. We’re gone. He can’t do anything then.”

Suguru Pressed his forehead to yours, noses touching. “When do you tell him?”

“In a week or so, I’m hoping it’ll only be a little while after and we’ll hear some news from Higuruma. I’ll do another test to be sure, and tell him I’m going to donate blood. He thinks I’m taking the pill, I was sick on the night, so it will all make sense, he shouldn’t question anything-fuck, why am I doing this?”

He kissed you, softer than ever before and it was home. “Let’s take a minute. Forget about it all for tonight, and we’ll continue in the morning. We should spend what time we have with Sakura. Getting stressed is not good, not right now.”

You placed your hands over his, on your belly. “Yeah, this is so much more than just us. And I think she needs a cuddle with her daddy. She’s not been feeling too well.”

“She hasn’t?”

“The midwife thinks it’s viral, she should be over it in a few days, she’s dribbling and sniffly, a bit of a temperature.”

Suguru didn’t ask why you hadn’t told him, he didn’t stare you down and try to control the narrative. He opened the bedroom door and allowed you through first, a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

“I think a mommy and daddy cuddle is crucial. Dr. Daddy’s orders. I think we should have her in with us tonight, she must be having trouble being away from you, right?”

You just nodded, heart breaking at the sound of her weary cries from the living room.

“Okay. Hey, baby girl. Are you feeling unwell?” He took her from your mom and swayed side to side to which she settled a little. She must have still recognised his smell. “Oh, that’s not good. I know what can help, if you have your medicine, you can sleep on daddy all night, what do you say?”

There was a father and his daughter.

There was a dad who wanted nothing but the best for his family.

There was someone who would always be better than Satoru Gojo.

Better and kinder.

Amazing.

The man you married.

Chapter Text

“Yes… Okay. Sure. Yeah, she’s fine-”

Satoru was sitting in the living room on the floor with his legs either side of Sakura. She was laying down looking up at her pink bunny he was shaking from side to side while he listened in on your conversation, a call from the midwife to catch up on Sakura’s cold.

Nearly two weeks ago it began, and Sakura was back to her usual self, kicking her legs and cooing at every new thing she saw. So awake and aware. Almost three months old, it had gone so fast.

“Can you get the bunny, princess? Just reach up for it, you can do it.” He chuckled sweetly, gripping her little toes between his fingers.

“This is such a cute little summer dress, Mommy really knows how to dress you, huh?”

She formed her lips into the letter ‘O’, to Satoru, that meant ‘Yes, daddy she does, I’m totally cute and you should give me everything I want’.

“I wish I could.” He snuck a glance of where you were, pacing in the kitchen out of sight. “But mommy has ‘treating you to anything you want’ on lock down.”

You were adamant, he could attest to that. ‘I don’t want her growing up spoilt’ you’d say, telling him not to buy anything that wasn’t a cute outfit or a little toy Sakura could chew on.

He’d break you eventually. “I mean, who could say no to this adorable little face? Not me. I never will be able to either. You’re just too cute.”

She babbled again, trying to chew on her fingers. That meant ‘Daddy, I agree, I am the cutest, now please get me that tummy mat that looks like a unicorn so I can lay on it alongside my other two mats I don’t like using’.

“You’re telling me. I’d buy you the whole entire world if you wanted it, Angel.”

“Thank you. Yes, thank you. Bye.” With one deep exhale, you came into view, rubbing your forehead. “I’ll need to take her in soon for her second dose of vaccinations. She was not impressed last month.”

“That time already?”

You nodded. “The midwife reminded me, I almost forgot.”

Satoru picked Sakura up, climbing to his feet to acknowledge you properly. “You have a lot on your plate at the moment. Are you sure I can’t take you to the hospital? I’d feel a lot better if I did.”

He didn’t push it this time, not after the row you and he had last night. Bringing up Sakura’s feeding was a touchy subject to say the least. But, to settle his own nerves, he could check where you were with the new phone he gave you.

Though it still didn’t fully satisfy him, it would have to do.

“It’s fine. I just need some fresh air, and it’ll be okay. It’s just that Sakura-”

“You won’t be long, I can keep her here. The hospital is no place for a baby when the baby isn’t the one in the hospital.”

A compromise he called it. After letting you go to your mom’s every Saturday night, the least he could do was keep his daughter with him.

He knew you were about to disagree with it too, so he beat you to it. “I’m not going to leave the house with her. When are you going to realise I’m not going to run off with her?”

You watched his hand lace with yours. “It’s not that. I just, I haven’t left her on her own with anyone else but my mother. I don't think I’m ready yet-”

“You’ll be gone for what, an hour? This is a good test to see how she goes with me on her own. And if she doesn't settle, then I’ll call you, okay?”

Satoru knew you’d push in this, he wouldn’t back down from this either. He either took you, or kept Sakura with him.

“You’ll… You’ll call?”

“The hospital isn’t far, I can drive to you if you get anxious, but it’s only a blood donation.”

The air was tense, he could see you mulling it over and trying to think of any reason not to agree. “I just…Okay. Okay…Just, please call me if she doesn't settle. She won't need feeding for at least another two hours, I’ll be back before then.”

You checked your phone screen for the time, a photo of Sakura filling the background with the goofiest smile Satoru had ever seen. “Crap… I have to go.”

“Go.” Satoru said. “We’ll be just fine, won’t we, Princess.” Sakura smiled, her gums bare and devoid of any teeth. 

“Be good, baby. I love you.” You kissed her head and backed away towards the front door without turning.

Satoru tried his best not to react to your saddened expression. “She’ll be okay, it’s okay. Baby, you’ll do just fine.”

Nodding, you fumbled for the keys and took a glance at Sakura one last time before dipping out of the front door.

“And then there were two.”

Sakura was silent, as if she knew her mother was gone past the boundaries of the house. She knew it, sensed it. And Satoru found out by the way she emptied her lungs the second your car pulled out of the driveway.

“Hey, hey, hey. Daddy’s here, daddy’s here.” 

He swayed just how you did, he placed Sakura on her tummy on his chest, patting her butt like he’d read about. She didn’t stop, but she eased a little, the heartbeat patting making her think she was feeling your own heart. The importance of skin-to-skin contact and how long she spent with you before she was born.

“It’s okay. I’m here. I’m finally here, princess.”

She sniffled, taking in her pacifier from the little sterilised box you kept on the coffee table. He sat down on the sofa with her, inhaling deeply as though he teetered on the tightrope and almost fell.

“Didn’t think I’d be using the pacifier right away but here we go.”

So far, he was doing well. He talked to Sakura as though she was capable of making polite conversation about the weather, and she just laid there with her eyes wide open.

“I love your mom very much. I know in time she’ll love me too… That’s why it’s important that we spend as much time together as possible.”

He got nothing in return besides her tiny breaths by his ear.

“Just you wait. Give it a year or so, and we’ll be calling you big sister. Then, we’ll all be a big, happy family… Yeah, I think that’ll make us stronger.”

Another baby, it would tie you down for good. A baby the traditional way. Satoru couldn’t help but reminisce on that night. The only time you and he had sex, he wanted it again, he craved it, but he couldn’t force you. He had to get closer to you, drip by drip.

Each time he hinted to anything sexual, something would hinder its progress. Usually Sakura. The perks of being a parent.

He wouldn’t trade that for anything, no matter how much he wanted to have sex again.

I can imagine the sex when she finally sees how good I am for her. Like rabbits.

The door knocked rather aggressively, it ripped Satoru from his thoughts and he checked where you were through his own phone. You were at the hospital like you should have been.

So who was there?

Satoru imagined it could have been Suguru looking to cause trouble, but he wasn’t exactly wrong. Just another person with the Geto name.

“Mayumi?” Suguru’s mother.

“There’s my grand baby.” She stepped through the door and past an overwhelmed Satoru, holding out her hands to take Sakura.

Satoru stepped back, keeping her close. “Mayumi, what are you doing here?”

She huffed and dropped her purse down on the floor with such a thump, it made Sakura jump. Satoru swayed with her again to prevent her from crying.

“I’ve been calling and calling and all I’ve been getting from Suguru is ‘we’re sorting things out, we need space’ so I had enough of waiting and thought I’d come by-where is he?” She said your name. “Where is she?”

Mayumi was always a busy body. The only good she ever was, was being easily manipulated.

“She’s at the hospital right now, donating blood, she’ll be back later… Suguru, he doesn’t live here anymore.”

“What do you mean he doesn’t live here anymore?” She held out her hands again, though Satoru refused, opting to pace about to keep Sakura content.

“They split up. He didn’t tell you?”

“What?!”

He covered Sakura’s ear. “Woah. Baby right here. She has little ears. Don’t be so loud.” 

“Tell me right now what is going on-let me hold her.”

“I don’t think that’s wise.” She wasn’t Sakura's grandmother.

Thank god.

“I am her grandmother. Give her to me.”

“I am her father. I said no. You want to freak out over your son, go find him. As far as I know, he’s at a hotel somewhere. But don’t bring it here around my daughter.”

Mayumi’s face went flush, she may have been having some sort of allergic reaction by the way she wanted to speak, but couldn’t compute how Satoru was talking to her. He never had done so until now. Being a father changed that, and she was no use to him now.

“You are not her father. You’re a donor. That’s all.”

His eye twitched. “I am. I think you should leave now and think about storming into people’s houses without being invited.”

If he was on his own right now… boy. If he didn’t have his daughter in his arms… god help the woman.

It couldn’t get any more heated though, Satoru clocked your car pulling outside the house, unable to use the driveway because of Mayumi’s car.

“Shit.”

“Oh good, maybe I’ll finally get some answers.” Mayumi shifted her weight onto one foot and tapped her toes in the sandals that were a size too small around her chubby ankles.

She pounced on you as soon as you let yourself in with your key. You were home far sooner than you should have been.

“Satoru won’t hand over Sakura, he’s acting like he’s the man of the house. Why isn’t Suguru here, I’ve been calling the last few weeks! I can’t believe this…”

Satoru watched you closely, letting you take Sakura from him without protest. Your eyes were red, puffy, you’d been crying.

What’s happened?

“-and I demand to know what is going on!”

“Mayumi.” You said, struggling to make your voice somewhat dominating. “Go and speak to Suguru. I don’t need this right now.”

Sakura started to cry, kicking her legs until her cheeks went red. You rocked her, but she must have sensed that something was off.

“But I’m talking to you. He’s been ignoring me-now I’m being told that you split up with my son?”

“Mayumi. Get out, go speak to your son. I do not need this right now.” It came out more confident this time.

Satoru was ready to chuck the old bat out.

She hesitated and froze, watching Satoru closely. “I saw you grow up, I’m so disappointed in you if this is how you’re speaking to me.”

“Go, Mayumi.”

With that, you took Sakura into the living room, pacing back and forth until ignoring her worked and Suguru’s mother left.

When all was quiet, you spoke. “I thought I’d have more time without her interfering. She means well most of the time…”

“But the other times she’s way too much. Yeah, I remember.” Satoru leant against the wall and just watched you. “What happened?”

At first, you said nothing, settling Sakura and placing her in her fabric chair covered in pink horses. You paced once more, and finally gave him the time of day with full eye contact.

“I didn’t donate blood.”

Why did this sound like a confession?

“Okay… did something happen?”

“Before donating blood, they ask you to do a pregnancy test.”

“What are you saying-“

“I’m pregnant.”

Satoru blinked more than a few times, staring right into you, seeing your lip quivering and eyes welling up. You pulled out the pregnancy test from your pocket.

“Only by pure luck. I wouldn’t have known at least for another month. But apparently tests can show as early as a week apparently.”

Shock. Satoru glanced at his daughter, and then you, and then your belly. “Your pill…”

“I was taking it as I should. I-they said it’s not a hundred percent.”

It was clicking into place, allowing Satoru to process the information.

“You were sick.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god.” His body caught up, grinning in the present as though he’d only been told the news right now. “You’re pregnant? Oh-baby, this is great!”

“You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad? This is what I’ve wanted. I was thinking about this today, it must be fate.” He ran over and picked you up, holding you so that your stomach was closer to him. He kissed it. “Another baby. Another baby! This is fantastic news!”

Now Satoru was never leaving you on your own.

When he put you down, he saw doubt. “This is good, right? I know it’s a little early, but Sakura and the baby will still be a year apart, it’s not too small an age gap-well I don’t think so.”

This was the tie he was looking for. He knew he’d get you pregnant sooner rather than later, just didn’t think his sperm had that much oomph.

“Yeah.” You said, still clearly riddled with doubt. “It’s just a little soon.”

“I’ll do everything for you. Anything for you. Just ask. Things are going to get pretty intense.” He couldn’t help but laugh and hold your belly. “Another baby. I am just… I’m happy. Are you happy?”

For the first time since you arrived home, you looked away and stared into space, and smiled. It was genuine, and warmed Satoru to the core.

“I am happy. I’m really happy.”

Everything was coming together. And Satoru had a lot of reading to do.

Chapter Text

Suguru had opted to meet out in public. That way his mom couldn’t freak out or pull anything she liked to resort to when Suguru put his foot down.

The place was littered with Sakura blossoms waving about in the spring breeze a few months ago. It was simpler back then. The day was now met with the stagnant heat of summer bashing him in the face. River boats whizzed past linking with their remote controls and little kids enjoying ice cream and chocolate sweets.

You never really saw this side of his mother, he wanted it hidden, mindfully keeping it contained so he wouldn’t observe something happen like those horror mother-in-law stories explained. He was not the issue, and he refused to be.

“Suguru, what is going on, son?” She was reasonable at first.

“We’re getting a divorce, but it’s much deeper than that.”

She pursed her lips, turning away on the park bench to grab the tissues from her purse. “A divorce? Darling, we aren’t a family of divorce-why can’t you work this out? I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

“Satoru will tell you that she cheated on me. But she didn’t.”

He was met with a series of gasps and non-verbal actions that explained a lot of how he was seeing things.

Absolutely unbelievable.

“Mom, Satoru is dangerous. Going to my house like that has put so much stress on my wife. I tried, I really tried to hold things off so we could move on from this when we got to that point.” Suguru’s eyes stung, he yawned out of necessity. “You aren’t to go back there again until I say.”

“That’s my grand baby, I’m not-“

“You aren’t going back until I say.” Suguru was more authoritative, giving her a look he knew his father gave her to keep her in check.

She sighed, slouching a little. “You look so much like your father, it’s uncanny.”

“Do I?”

“Yes. I thought I’d see you in Sakura... Oh, she’s still so perfect.”

It wasn’t a dig, and usually Suguru would shy away from the situation concerning his fertility. 

Not anymore.

“Yeah. I do wonder sometimes what she would have looked like. But you’re right, she’s perfect.”

After a moment of agreeable silence, his mom spoke first. “I’m going to try and wrap my head around this, but how is Satoru dangerous? Mind you, he spoke to me so rudely yesterday. I’ve known that boy since you two were children, and he’s never spoken to me that way. I was in shock.”

Suguru lingered on thought. He spoke to his mother like trash and could have put her in serious danger.

Fucking hell.

“You remember the superhero shows I used to watch on morning television before school?”

“Yes, but I fail to realise how this links-“

“Satoru is like one of the villains…” He thought back to the night in Satoru’s apartment. “He will hurt her if he thinks she’d leave him, or do something that isn’t part of his plan. Well… he already has hurt her.”

His mom spoke your name with such softness. “How? How did he hurt her?”

“Nearly pulled her arm out of the damn socket. I had to take her to hospital. All because she wouldn’t go along with what he wanted.”

“Oh my-What is this plan of his?”

“To take my family away for himself.”

His mom sat there, dabbing her eyes with tissue. “Why didn’t you say anything, son?”

“Because I knew you’d react how you did. It only puts her and our daughter more at risk.”

She held her breath for a moment. “I’m sorry I wanted to stand up for my son. I can’t stand idly by while my son is hurting. I will be damned if I don’t help.”

Suguru knew she’d say that, so he explained something easy for her to understand. Something he never wanted leaving from his lips. “Mom, if you interfere, I’ll limit contact with Sakura.”

“W-What?! You can’t do that. I have… I have rights to see her.”

“No you don’t.” He unfortunately did the research. “So do as I ask and I won’t do it. It’s that simple.

When she didn’t have the heart to fight him on it, he continued. “We wanted to hide this from everyone and keep it contained. Shoko’s been messaging me and she’s getting impatient. I worry that she’ll find out the same way you did. But I know I’ll need to speak to her eventually about it.”

“Son, I hate the fact that you’re suffering… I, I won’t get involved.”

“I’m not suffering nearly as much as her, and it’s hurting that I can’t do anything about it.”

She took his hand and gave it a squeeze that wasn’t so reassuring. “You can, you can do something. Whisk her away and bring her to my place-it’s a tight squeeze but we’ll manage. If that’s the only way I can help, then that’s how I help.”

“He’ll find her. It’ll put you in the firing line too. I can’t have that. I can’t cause more trouble. He’s my friend, I have to sever his grip somehow.”

“Well what plan is that?”

Your name left his lips, as he looked out along the river at the glare from the sun, ignoring the popular music from a park side vendor. “In the meantime, she’s probably telling Satoru right now that she’s pregnant.”

His mom scoffed and shook her head like she was in the loop entirely. “Like he’d believe that.”

“Mom, she’s pregnant.”

“Again?”

“Again.”

“Well who’s the father-is it Satoru? Are you sure this is all true-Is Satoru’s behaviour really true? I knew there was something going on between those two, she’s way too easy going around that man.”

It hurt to hear, because it wasn’t true. Suguru knew. Your mom knew. His mom would understand soon enough too. “The baby is mine, Mom.”

Everything started to click. “Hang on.”

“And if I hear you bad mouthing my wife again, I won’t just limit contact.” He watched her carefully. “I’ll cut it off completely.”

You were not easy. You were not conniving or deceitful. You were a mother forced into a corner. It was that black and white.

“I love you, mom. I always will, but you need to start thinking before you speak. Your words hurt people, and as difficult as it may be for you, you have to stop jumping to conclusions so easily.”

“Well that’s not true-“

“It is, mom.” He turned to face her fully. “You are my hero. Working so much to give me everything I needed growing up, dad too, but you are the role model I want my daughter to look up to. Not someone who judges and passes comments on… you say things before you can even think and some of the things I’ve heard come from your mouth about my wife are horrible.”

It was a weight off his chest. “I’ve tried keeping her in the dark as much as I can from the judgement, and comments on how she fucking folds her towels, and why she decided that vanilla potpourri was the best choice for the living room. It’s your idea of how she can be a good wife-she is a good wife. She's a fantastic mother too. She’s my best friend and the niggling comments have to stop.”

“I only want to help her-“

“You want to help yourself. You never lost me when I married. You gained a daughter-in-law and granddaughter. The things you say, they’d hurt my wife, my daughter would see how perfect she’d need to be to get your approval… I should have said this months ago, so here I am saying it.”

“Suguru…”

“If you want to stay in my daughter's life, you’ll need to accept my wife as she is. No more comments, and no more interfering. Take some time to see how manipulative Satoru really was during her pregnancy and the birth and work on things. Dad is there, talk to him, reflect and I’ll call you in a few weeks. Don’t go back to the house.”

Suguru stood up abruptly, straightening his shirt out before leaving. His mom shot up too, grabbing g his arm to stop him. 

“Wait-wait!” She realised and let go of him. “Don’t go just yet… please.”

“Mom-“

“I’m going to be a grandma again?” Her eyes welled up. “I really am?”

“You are. But it’s early days, you can’t tell anyone. You’re the only one that knows so if anyone else finds out I’ll know it was you who said it.”

That trick always proved useful.

“The stress, it isn’t good for her.” Suguru ignored the way passersby watched him closely as his mom grew teary.

“Yes-yes of course. Oh, son.” Cupping her face as she always did when she was trying to hide her excitement. “This baby is really yours?”

“Sakura is my daughter too.”

“I know that. I know. I wouldn’t ever think she wasn’t. But… your issues in the past.”

“Yes. I am biologically the father.”

It was always uncomfortable speaking on the subject of his fertility. He may as well have just announced to the public that he and you were constantly having sex-great sex-in the hopes you’d fall pregnant. Maybe now he should just scream out to everyone that his dick finally worked. The whole thing was odd. Like telling random people he and his wife were trying for a baby, which translated to ’we’re constantly fucking’.

“That’s… oh, that’s wonderful news.” Such a different response from your mom.

“We’re not out of the woods yet.”

“What should I do about Satoru?”

He took one last glance at his mom. “Nothing. I’ll call you. Don’t go back to the house. Don’t call my wife either, it’ll make things worse.”

“Okay, I won’t. I-I promise! I love you, son!” Out loud and in front of everyone.

She’s been doing that since high school.

“Bye, mom.”

Suguru didn’t look back. He slipped his hands in his pockets and strolled along the river towards the busier end towards the main street. It gave him a little clarity, though not much, it was enough to work with.

Things would get better. One step closer to finishing this. Phase two of the plan. Now that his mom was in the loop, it left Shoko to deal with. Suguru knew she’d be understanding enough to back away and let you and him get on with it, unlike his mother.

It would all eventually come to an end.

Suguru kept walking until the road, looking out for a car.  It was idling, waiting for him to enter, and he did.

“Did she listen?” Your mom sat gripping the steering wheel, sunglasses perched on her head.

“Just about. She won’t be a problem now. I had to tell her about the baby.”

He would not explain how she tried accusing you of cheating. An accusation well deserved to be forgotten about for the rest of his life.

Before pulling off, your mom held up her phone and handed it to him, your call name was up on the screen. “I haven’t heard anything from her.”

“My mom being there probably got Satoru’s back up, but the news of the pregnancy couldn't have come at a better time. But I imagine he’ll be hyper vigilant for a while.”

Tighter restrictions meant more watchful eyes on you and Sakura. There was no space for error.

“He’ll be occupied with baby stuff for now." She slouched and turned off on the next street, winding the window down on both sides. "God, he’s insufferable.”

Occupied, maybe. Entirely vulnerable? Never.

“Now she has that new phone, I can’t help but imagine what he has put on there. We need to be extra careful. The bustle of pregnancy won’t be all he thinks it is. I won’t be caught getting complacent.”

In truth, pregnancy is hell. Not that a lot of it physically affected Suguru, but watching you go through sickness, labour and all things in between that no one ever talks about was difficult because he couldn’t take any pain away. Suguru knew Satoru would get the same experience. And it wasn’t something he could control either.

“Now I have to act shocked and happy when she tells me…” She groaned, indicating left into the next lane. “But, if you can do it, so can I. I trust you, Suguru. Keep some of that confidence for yourself. You’ll need it.”

“I can only imagine what he has stuffed up his sleeve whenever he sees me next. He’ll rub it in my face no doubt.”

Satoru was that type of person to actively seek Suguru out.

“One step at a time.”

Suguru watched the world go by, ice cream stalls and sweet treats, children excitedly jumping about for a cool treat with their parents and siblings by the waterfront. “I need to speak with Shoko first. Do you mind if she comes over in a few days? It’s the only time I could get her over without seeming off. I don’t really think this is the sort of thing for phone calls.”

“You’re right, it has to be in person. She’s welcome any time.”

“Thank you.”

As the car drove back to the house, Suguru couldn’t help but pray that you were alright, and that his daughter was safe. You weren’t so at risk now of harm now that Satoru knew, but the surveillance would tighten tenfold. One thing he worried about was Satoru trying to stop you going to your mom’s. It was plausible and believable. However, you wouldn’t back down that easily, especially with a ton of hormones to contend with.

Suguru had hope.

He hoped for the best, but had to prepare for the worst.

Chapter Text

An early symptom, tender breasts.

You hadn’t forgotten the feeling, but hated the way they felt in your bra. Alongside breast feeding, they were already huge, and now it was just ridiculous.

Bloating was another one you hated, feeling self conscious enough to wear looser shirts or flowy dresses going into July.

Heat. It sucked.

You must have been coming up for four weeks, though the symptoms were not subtle. Entirely different from your pregnancy with Sakura.

Satoru had waited on you hand and foot as though you were ready to drop any minute. He had even backed down during some arguments he normally wouldn’t have. In a way, this pregnancy granted you immunity, and you could blame the pregnancy hormones in return of getting some satisfactory moments.

You 1 - Satoru 0

Sakura must have clocked on to your hesitancy, the anxiousness of pregnancy and wariness to the point she had become more clingy than she was during her viral illness. The last few days, Satoru had found it increasingly frustrating. She would not settle with him, and she wouldn’t stay with him while you peed, nor would she even allow you to leave the room. It was as though she knew, she understood the situation between you and Satoru and what position he put you in.

As a positive, she still settled with Suguru when she saw him. 

That must mean she still sees him as her dad.

“Okay… okay, Sakura.” She wriggled and kicked her legs, pushing tears from her eyes to try and stop you changing her diaper. “Mommy has to change you because you’ll get sore otherwise. I won’t be long.”

She was up most of the night, and most of the day into the evening. Satoru could do nothing to soothe her, he'd stay up with you most of the night for no reason at all. He was essentially useless, but refused to go home.

You were convinced he was the problem.

Sakura’s cries echoed through the nursery room, covered in pink blossoms and a mural you and Suguru hadn't managed to finish before she arrived. Almost three months old, and so different in her behaviour.

She was such an easy baby.

“Baby, I can’t change you if you kick about. I’m trying to go as fast as I can… please.” 

As soon as she was laid on your chest at any time of the day, she’d settle. That’s how it went for the last few days.

“Hey, she still upset?” Satoru popped his head around the doorway. “She’s so unsettled today.”

“Yes.” He earned short answers today.

After you managed to change her diaper, it was a battle to get her legs back into her frilly pants.

“Why don’t we take her out for a walk? I heard that can settle them. I can walk her around the block so you can-“

“I’ll just sit up here with her for a while.” 

As soon as you picked her up, she attempted to calm herself with a whimper and hiccuped breaths. Her hair was so soft, warm against your cheek after a bath and clean clothes. Something was wrong, and it was staring you right in the face.

Satoru knelt down to see you after you’d settled into the rocking chair in the corner. “Baby, you’re exhausted. Maybe we should see someone, someone who might know what’s going on. I hate seeing you both like this.”

“She knows…” you said. “She must know I’m pregnant. I don’t know what to do, she just won’t settle.”

Emotions. That was another symptom. You could feel your entire body, bloated and right there in front of you.

“She just won’t…”

“Give her to me, I’ll walk about with her. Even if she cries, she’ll be safe. I’ll take her downstairs and you can take a shower or do literally anything you want to do.”

“You don’t get it, Satoru. It physically hurts me when she cries. I leak-I respond to her. I can’t handle it. I didn’t think getting pregnant would cause this much of a reaction.” You were a teary mess. “There’s nothing physically wrong with her. She’s just clingy, but it’s hurting me, and I know she’s sensing my anxiety.”

He rubbed your knee with his knuckles at some lame attempt to soothe you. “Where is this anxiety coming from? How can I help?”

“By leaving me alone for a while.” Sniffling, you wiped the wet from your face. “I just want to be alone and sit in silence with her for a while.”

You managed to step past him out of the chair and to the door. It could have been a shock to his system that he remained there in a delay, that you would even ask for space for ten minutes when he was always somewhere close by.

Like a parasite.

Everywhere you looked. Everywhere you went. Satoru was there.

“Baby-“

“I’m going to go and lay down a little while, hopefully then Sakura might sleep. I’ll sort something to eat later. I need sleep. Sakura needs sleep.”

He didn’t respond, but his eyes burned into you when you left to the bedroom. You fought this instinct driving you to lock the door. If Satoru tried it, he fretted over the idea of the demeaning crack of his foot going through it or his fist making a gaping hole so his head could fit through.

An unlocked door.

What stopped you from overthinking amidst the anxiety was the fact that once your head hit the pillow, you passed out. You barely even heard the front door open and close. Sakura laid beside you, sucking on her pacifier with her wedge pillow to prevent her rolling off the bed whenever she decided to grace you with that fiasco.

You must have been dead to the world. Sakura never stirred, she didn’t wake. Because if she did, you wouldn’t have slept four hours.

Four hours.

Waking up naturally, Sakura still had her eyes closed. There was a build up of sleep in the corners of your eyes, eased in the dark and not harsh by the warm July air through the open window.

Naturally falling into a sleep rhythm, not that was a first in a while.

Instead of getting up, you decided to watch Sakura, her chest moving up and down with each relaxed breath, her pacifier moving now and then when she sucked on it.

So beautiful. So perfect. I wish I could remain in this moment forever. My perfect little girl.

You laid there for almost half an hour just watching, taking her in. Half an hour of silence before a quiet knock after the bedroom door opened. Satoru didn’t say anything at first until you moved as a silent sign to say it was okay.

“Hey.” He came into view, perching himself down slowly on the edge of the bed.

“Hi.” 

“How did you sleep?”

You were more open to talk with a clearer mind. “Like a log.”

He looked at you lovingly, traced his fingers along your calf and ankle. “Good.”

“I thought you went home.”

“No. Just went out to get a few things.”

The silence that followed wasn’t exactly awkward, it was a necessary point in time to experience after hours of solid sleep.

“I have something for you.” He said with a softened tone. “Come down when you’re ready.” 

Satoru took your hand in his, pressing his lips to the back of it. Full eye contact, soft, tender. He glanced down at Sakura and left the bedroom as Suguru would have done.

Your first immediate thought was something expensive was waiting for you, like the new phone you’d been carrying around with you for show. A glorified brick.

New and expensive things added to the doubt you were accumulating being in Satoru’s presence. More and more to give back that he could hold over your head in the future.

Sakura still slept, deep in a lull, the longest she’d ever had. You decided to keep her there, carefully pulling the duvet over so she was in the middle of the bed.

Never can be too sure.

Just for a moment, not long.

With the baby monitor in hand, you stepped down the stairs, carefully taking each one as a reason to go back upstairs and lock yourself away for the rest of the day.

More debt.

Owing him something in return that isn’t money.

He’ll want my baby.

“Hello?” You called out to him, unsure of where he was in the dim stillness of the house. “Satoru?”

“In here.”

Padding over to the kitchen, Satoru waited by the door with his hand on the handle with a look of excitement. Nothing changed in the kitchen, nothing new. The same matte kettle and secondhand microwave from Suguru’s mom, same towels and countertop that had the same coffee stain you tried had everything to remove.

Nothing had changed.

“What is-“

“Out here. It’s out here.”

You couldn’t see anything outside, nothing but a little glow. “Okay… just, I need to get Sakura, she’s not safe laying where she is if she sleeps longer. Just uh, just wait right there.”

“Oh-oh, okay.” Satoru didn’t move, halting where he was.

For some unknown reason, you found yourself hurrying up the stairs as though your body was excited for something unknown. How it might react to someone you enjoyed being around.

It might have just been adrenaline and good sleep that put you in a good mood.

Luckily for you, Sakura was awake and yawning. As soon as she saw you, she kicked about with sleepy excitement.

“Hello, baby girl.” You sang and scooped her up. “I guess we slept in a little too much now, huh? You’re gonna be up a while now, aren’t you?”

She cooed, taking your thumb in her hand to suck. How she wasn’t crying for food eluded you. According to how full your breasts were, she should have been screaming the house down.

“Let’s go downstairs. There’s a surprise waiting for us, apparently. I wonder what that is. More… disappointment maybe?”

You exchanged the baby monitor for her blanket, completely missing the bassinet absent from the corner of the room. Satoru stood where you had left him, hand firmly on the handle and visibly flowed when he saw Sakura.

“Hey sleepyhead, feel better?”

She didn’t react to him. Satoru reacted to you though.

“I know it’s been tense around here, and I know you’re going through a lot. It’s a big jump, and I wanted to let you know that I appreciate you.”

Where was this actually coming from?

The door opened.

Candle light.

“What is this?”

Pillows, blankets, Sakura’s bassinet.

“An apology.”

You took his hand to help you down the stairs. “An apology?”

“For how I’ve been acting lately. For what I said concerning Mayumi and pushing my thoughts on you… I need to listen more, maybe talk a little less at times.” His chuckle wasn’t connected.

This wasn’t a proposal, was it?

It better not be, I swear if he tries, I’ll rip his head off.

“What I mean is that I’m trying. And if you’ll have me tonight, I’d really like to look at the stars with you. Maybe reset and try again?”

The stars?

They were beautiful. Clearer than you’d ever seen. 

“Look, Sakura. It’s the moon.”

Crescent shaped and glowing. Satoru hadn’t taken his hand away, you hadn’t fully noticed. Sakura stared as if she understood, grasping her fists in the air.

“It’s beautiful…”

Satoru wasn’t watching the moon.

Please don’t propose.

“Will you watch the stars with me?”

Thank god.

You watched your daughter to make a decision you didn’t exactly have a say in. A choice. Say yes, and the evening stays neutral.

Say no… well, you knew the rest.

“Yes… until Sakura needs to eat, at least.” You mustered an awkward laugh. “The world may end if she doesn’t eat.”

“Anything our little girl needs.” He wiggled her nose with his index finger.

You sat down first, propping yourself up on the cushions on the grass, letting your head drop naturally at the sky.

So many stars, unusually clear. Bright, little signs of hope that the future could decline any stress to follow you. Clusters of pretty dust and twinkles. Satoru was so close to you, shoulders touching, his presence thicker than ever. You couldn’t breathe properly, but clearing your throat would mean you were nervous.

“You see that up there?” Satoru pointed to a random point in the sky.

“Where?”

He shuffled closer, slipping his arm under you until his head was practically flush with yours. “There. It’s the Milky Way.”

It looked like a miniature fracture across the sky, bleeding into the atmosphere and spewing more stars than it knew what to do with.

“Y'know, it contains way over one hundred million stars and earth is on the edge of it. Amazing, right?”

“Wow… it’s so far away. I’ve never seen the sky so clear before.”

Satoru didn’t move, he remained where he was. “I triple checked the weather before I went to the store hoping it would stay, the lady who served me probably thought I was crazy buying all these cushions.”

You laughed, like really laughed. It was like it used to be, before everything went to shit. A comfortable shift you had not sensed for some time.

“I love your laugh.” He said.

You shrugged, suddenly looking away to evade his face as it turned. “I don’t do very much of that any more.”

“Well, you should. I like seeing you happy.”

I have no reason to be right now.

Satoru placed his hand delicately on your belly, he rubbed it with absent mind. Sakura was wide awake, her eyes so alert she could have stared you down and cursed you of the position you had put yourself in.

“I am.” Were you trying to convince Satoru, or yourself?

“I am happy-“ Your nose touched his by accident. “I mean, there’s a way to go, but it’s moving along.”

He agreed, nodding enthusiastically. “Definitely moving along… I still can’t believe you’re pregnant. It almost feels unreal. So soon.”

“You said you were happy about it.”

Satoru’s voice dropped. “Oh, I am. It just happened a lot quicker than I thought it would. I’m so happy that Sakura will be a big sister.”

That statement could have meant anything. It snapped you out of whatever comfort you were clinging to.

“You wanted this?”

Satoru nodded  again, though slower this time. "Yeah. We deserve a family. You deserve a comfortable life.”

“That’s… that’s kind of you.”

You weren’t buying it.

“Anything for you, baby.” He leant in to kiss you though you were guarded.

You let him. Excuses could only get you so far.

At least it was gentle, nothing passionate or heated, just in the moment. The relief of no tongue illuminated over you, like Satoru was finally respecting some sort of boundary. It was almost sweet, and you hated yourself for it.

Sakura suddenly tensed up, she wanted milk and was about to blow the lid of this place. Then came her exasperated coughing before she amped up the straight screaming. No minimal cries, just and intense ‘if I don’t eat anything this second I will literally destroy everything’.

Satoru pulled away first, jokingly tugging on her foot. “Is that really all the alone time you’ll let daddy have with mommy? Talk about greedy, Princess.”

“Yeah.” Sitting up properly to feed her gave you more space to separate yourself. “Sakura loves her mommy. But sometimes I feel she loves her milk more than anything else.”

“I doubt she loves anything more than her mommy.” He moved where Sakura could see him while she latched. “I love mommy lots and lots. We both love mommy lots and lots. Can’t have her thinkin’ we don’t, eh?… Yep, she’s the best.”

You knew that look, a semi manipulative and genuine one. You just weren’t sure which one you were looking at right now. Learning that took time. Time you didn’t really have.

Satoru had two faces and it was time to work on identifying where the danger truly lied.

Chapter Text

Sakura’s eyes closed as soon as she started to breastfeed. Her little fingers rubbing your chest were so dinky, little nails so small, Satoru could have just eaten them up.

She had your hands, each bend at the knuckle and finger placement when she closed her fist. Satoru’s daughter was perfect. Better than perfect if there even was a word to describe her accurately.

He watched her closely, though you probably assumed he was being inappropriate. But there was something so innocent about it he couldn’t help but look. He was looking at his daughter, not you.

I helped make her. She looks just like me.

The more he looked, the more he saw himself in his daughter. His baby pictures could have been her and vice versa, carbon copies of the same blood.

“You’re staring.”

It pulled Satoru out of his trance. “Huh? Oh-seeing her content, I love watching her… makes things better.”

You relaxed. “Yeah…” and ran your finger down the length of her nose. “She’s perfect. She smells so good all the time.”

Watching you inhale her hair was something Satoru did on the rare occasion he held her, when he had time on his own with her. She often smelled brand new, or with subtle hints of your breast milk and the fabric softener you were adamant on using because of its hypoallergenic claims.

So brand new. This life with you, it shouldn’t have been brand new.

“Do you remember the second time we met?” 

Satoru laid back on the pillows, one hand behind his head, the other on his chest. Life should have started right from the beginning.

We could have made Sakura another way. The two of us.

“How could I forget?” There was a hint of amusement in your voice.

“I broke it off with her that night.”

“Huh?” Your head snapped round in his periphery.

“That girl I brought with me… After my ex left me, I tried again-half-heartedly, but still. Then seeing you in that dress, god…”

The night of the Christmas party. 

A night Satoru remembered as one of the worst nights of his life.

“You… You broke up with her that night? She was so nice.” 

She was, in fact she ticked off every list Satoru could ever ask for. A casual fling, stunning, nothing clingy or needy, could suck dick to save her life, all the things Satoru could work with contently. And then for the second time, you stepped foot into Shoko’s house like you inadvertently owned the place, in a little black dress hanging off of Suguru’s arm, shy of new people and overwhelmed.

It made Satoru realise that he wanted someone independent enough but willing to call on him. It was then he understood how needy he actually was.

And that was okay.

“Yeah, she was nice. She wasn’t who I was looking for though.” He caught your eye as a cool breeze fell over the garden. “She wasn’t you.”

You looked away quickly, though not fast enough to avoid showing him flushed red across your cheeks.

Satoru smiled to himself. “I should have told you then. I should have pulled you to the side and just told you how I felt.”

He didn’t because of Suguru, plain and simple.

“Why didn’t you?”

It wasn’t entirely surprising to hear, however Satoru still hesitated to tell you the answer.

“I didn’t wanna hurt Suguru. I thought if I got to be around you, it would be enough.” Satoru ran his index finger down your arm, focusing on the way goosebumps were forming.

“But you ended up hurting him anyway.” You said, never pulling away despite the words laced with subtle displeasure.

He agreed without protest. “Because it wasn’t enough. And… if I had told you back then, we might not have Sakura today, or our baby.”

You allowed him to rub your belly. He had already noticed how it had affected your breasts, the irritability, how you absentmindedly rubbed your stomach with a mutter under your breath at how bloated you were feeling.

“We’re gonna have another baby…” So surreal.

“Yeah…” Looking up at the stars, you visibly relaxed. “I really didn’t think I’d get pregnant so easily… after all this time trying. It happened as effortlessly as that.”

“It’s because of my good genes that’s why-“ He froze when you laughed again. “What? It’s true.”

He laughed too, sitting up properly to get closer. “All that trying and all you needed was me. Now you know why it’s so important that we’re together… I’d give you twenty kids if it made you happy.”

Satoru wasn’t sure how to react after hearing you laugh ever louder. “Twenty kids with you. I couldn’t imagine that. I have to-haha!-I have to stop laughing or she’ll stop nursing!”

He grinned, finally basking in such a sweet sound. “We’d have to buy a school bus just to transport them all.”

“Yeah, no thanks. Two is more than enough.”

No, two wasn’t enough. Satoru wanted more kids. He knew that eventually you’d come around.

Eventually.

“Two is perfect.” He said, watching Sakura again as her lips came away on their own.

And just like that, she was active again. Quickly, you covered up as though Satoru hadn’t seen it before. Sakura huffed after she burped easily, trying to kick away at the blanket you attempted to wrap around her.

“Baby, it’s getting a little chilly. You’ll feel better with it on-Sakura, stop kicking, your legs will get cold.”

Sakura kicked anyway and squeezed her eyes shut to push out any tears she could. Her cry came louder than ever, red faced and tight fisted. Without getting overwhelmed or flustered, you set her between your legs on the blanket Satoru laid out and swaddled her instead.

“Hm, you’re not too old to be swaddled, huh?” 

She was like a little burrito, bare faced to her mother and totally unimpressed. But it stopped her screaming at the top of her lungs. Satoru noticed you had stopped swaddling her a few weeks prior.

“My little angel… this is a one off. You’re a big girl, you don’t need swaddling anymore-oh, don’t look at me like that, you’re so cute.”

Sakura had calmed entirely, smacking her wet lips as you wiped them. She cooed at her mom, blinking slowly at the world in front of her. Though she couldn’t see the sky clearly-Satoru had been reading what books he could-she watched the moon as though she saw it clear as day, next to a galaxy she was a part of.

Such a massive and wonderful world out there, Princess. You just need to explore it.

“Hey, why don’t we go for a walk? Sakura won’t be asleep anytime soon. Maybe that’ll tire you both out after that long nap. I’m almost jealous, wish I could have joined you.”

“A walk? Yeah, that sounds nice. Walking her about in her stroller always gets her ready for sleep. The fresh air works wonders.”

Satoru beamed and readied himself to blow out the candles, he hesitated in doing so when your phone dinged with a message alert.

“Who’s that?”

You shrugged, not bothering to look at it, only at your daughter. “I’ll check it later.”

Or he could check now on his own phone. “Let’s get going.”

Satoru waited for you to leave and began blowing each candle out until the garden sat in darkness. It wasn’t only your location he had access to.

It was your calls and messages.

Shoko: Hey, I was called away for work last minute, it sucked, sorry I couldn’t meet up last time. I have a souvenir, I’ll come over to drop it off for the baby quickly. I won’t stay. Geto’s been acting weird. I’ll be about thirty minutes.

What was also interesting was Satoru could reply back.

You: Sounds good, I’m out at the moment, but I’ll be back then. Sakura is wide awake so she’ll be happy to see you. See you then.

And also interesting was that Shoko sent full coherent messages with no text abbreviations. Satoru had studied the way you wrote your messages down to a fine art by now, he’d been champing at the bit to finally put it into action.

By the time you and Satoru walked around the block a few times, he even left it ten minutes to rile Shoko up. Why did he do that? He wasn’t totally sure, however there could be no blurred lines.

Okay… now cue Shoko, my arm around my girl’s waist and even better. Sakura's in a good mood.

Now, Shoko went through several emotions looking between you and Satoru. You pulled away from him instantly, and that made it even worse.

“Sho? W-What are you doing here?”

Though she was calm, Satoru heard the venom. “I messaged you, we already talked-what is this?”

It was better Shoko found out now than later.

“Wait, I didn’t send-Look… I can’t really explain anything. It’s best to talk to Suguru-“

Deleting the message from the chat log maybe didn’t help. He couldn’t exactly explain how deep rooted his clutches were though, could he?

“Baby, why make her go on a wild goose chase when we can just tell her. She’s here. It would be cruel to leave her in the dark.”

“Baby?” Shoko glared between you and Satoru, awkwardly figuring things out. “Why are you-you’re cheating on Geto?”

“No, I’m not. Shoko-“

“You were married when I left for Europe. You have a baby and… you left him? For Gojo of all people?”

You didn’t defend him, or saying anything at all for that matter. You just clammed up, gripping on to the stroller as though Sakura was somehow supposed to get you out of this.

So Satoru had to step in. “Shoko, I get it. You’re pissed.”

“Understatement.”

“But we’re in love.” He never left your side despite the tugging on his heart. “We’re starting a family together-“

“Satoru!” You snapped. “Don’t you dare.”

“What? What is he saying? Don’t hold back now.” Shoko did not come any closer, it was as though there was some sort of fucked up force field preventing her from doing so.

“Just tell her, baby. She’ll find out eventually.”

You listened, you definitely did though didn’t offer him the satisfaction of making eye contact. It wasn’t that hard to say it. Yes, it was still early in the pregnancy, but this was Shoko, not some random stranger.

“I hate you for this.”

What?

“I’m… I’m pregnant, Shoko.”

Shoko went on to say something though hesitated, her eyes wider than Satoru had ever seen across her usually cool exterior. Except, she didn’t say anything else. She dropped the bag she was holding at the doorstep and stormed back off to her car, totally ignoring you and Satoru.

You watched her screech off down the road and held what little breath you had. All you needed was some comfort.

“Don’t you dare touch me!”

Satoru was taken aback by the way you snarled at him, ripping your arm away to take Sakura inside.

“I can’t believe you just did that.”

Satoru managed to get past the door before you could slam it in his face. “Woah, woah, woah, wait.”

“I said don’t touch me-“ maybe covering your mouth with his hand wasn’t the best idea.

But you were emotionally charged pushing him away like that.

“Don’t yell at me in front of our daughter.” He ignored how you shook under his grasp. “It doesn’t set a very good example of how mommy should treat daddy.”

Sakura was still very much awake.

He expected you to continue after he pulled his hand away, or at least push him away. There were delicate tears down your cheeks, a quivering lip instead.

“And this isn’t a good example to show Sakura how daddy treats mommy.”

A tight grip, maybe. Not one that could hurt you. He made that effort to stop anything from happening again. Despite how hurt he was, he wouldn’t hurt you.

“You didn’t defend me when Shoko insulted me. Why?”

“It wasn’t an insult. She’s hurting that her friends aren’t together anymore and I’m pregnant again with your baby. She’s Sakura’s godmother. Of course she’ll be angry.”

Satoru was vigilant of his grip on your arm. “So because of that, you didn’t defend me. Why does this pregnancy mean anything different? Sakura and this baby are mine. Not Suguru’s.”

“Because you were our sperm donor. Not the other way around. People don’t see it this way. And I’m pretty sure you can defend yourself. Now let go of me.”

“I’d like to remind you that I am Sakura’s biological father.”

“And I would like to remind you that I am pregnant with your child.”

You were, weren’t you? Satoru let go immediately, rubbing his neck to try and figure out how this situation got so fucked. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I guess I shouldn’t have shouted around Sakura.”

He foolishly nodded. “Yeah…”

There it was, the glare he hated having directed at him. “Do not put your hands on me again.”

You collected Sakura from her stroller and left the thing in the middle of the hallway. Satoru watched you stomp up the stairs with his daughter in boiling silence, it lingered behind you after the door clicked shut.

“Well, I fucked up.” It had been such a good evening too.”

I’ll call it self defense. I really thought she was gonna slap me across the face or something. I’ll consider it a preemptive measure.

Satoru remained downstairs to mull over ways to make it up to you, to see you laugh and put that smile back on your face which made his happiness triple.

It was good that Shoko finally knew. Hiding it from her wasn’t the best idea, but he wouldn’t tell you that, not when you didn’t ask him to leave after he regrettably held you the way he did.

However, you didn’t ask him to get out.

That was progress.