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It would be an understatement to say that Bilbo was not expecting a whole party of dwarves to come into his home on a lovely evening when he was just getting ready for tea, but by the end of it, when Bilbo sat to think about it, he maintained that it was the fact that he really didn't know what all those dwarves were doing in his home, and by the time he got an explanation out of anyone, the damage had already been done.
As it was, he decided the only alternative was to blame Gandalf for everything. One does not show up to a hobbit's home to whisk them away like nothing and the cursed wizard should know better.
Gandalf, of course, would say that he did not expect Thorin to use those exact words he had used, and so one could hardly blame him for being surprised and failing to intervene on time, but Bilbo insisted that Gandalf should have seen the possibility of a misunderstanding, precisely because one does not show up to a hobbit's home to whisk them away! It was common knowledge! Common knowledge that the wizard knew very well, at that. He really had no excuse.
That is to say, that while Bilbo really was not expecting a whole party of dwarves to come crashing down on him, the most surprising thing to actually happen that evening was having Thorin ask him to come with him on a long trip.
"It is a dangerous and long trip," Thorin says after they've finished telling Bilbo their story and their plan, "but I would have you come along if you can find it within yourself." That is all Thorin says, sounding like there is more he wishes to add but cannot bring himself to find the right words. He, like the rest of the dwarves nodding along, thinking about their lost home, does not realize that while he is busy finishing his drink both Bilbo and Gandalf are looking at him in shock.
"Gandalf you..! He..!" Bilbo flushes all the way to the tips of his ears and down to the roots of the hair of his toes.
"Bilbo, my dear boy, I really don't think that's what Thorin meant, if you'd just…"
"Of course that's what I mean!" Thorin says, momentarily coming back to the conversation, Gandalf would say that at the worst possible moment (or possibly the best, he was not yet sure then). "It is a long trip and Master Baggins should be aware of the dangers that await us."
Now, Bilbo would like to point out that, while he is aware that Thorin's words are open enough, that may actually be part of the problem.
"How long…" Bilbo asks, blinking rapidly. "How long would the trip be?"
"If we make it on schedule, it would be about ten to eleven months," Balin says, being the one in charge of much of the technical planning. "Of course, that is not accounting for anything otherwise unexpected." He ends with a firm nod.
"A year..!" Bilbo gasps.
"Bilbo, my lad," Gandalf tries to insist, but finally resigns himself to a lost cause.
"You are asking me to come with you on a year long trip along with all your closer kin." Bilbo says, and Gandalf fears for that determined look on his eyes.
"Aye," is all Thorin answers, for he doesn't see a reason to keep going in circles with the same conversation. All the details have been laid out and he would like to get some rest if possible before their busy morning.
"Well, I never. I mean I—this is really most unexpected, you must understand." Bilbo says, because he feels silly pointing out that really, he is a fifty-year-old hobbit and he's had plenty of time to giving up on the idea of… to resign himself, that is, that nobody would ever ask him to… well, the regular way one did things these days, never mind to go on a trip of all things. He is not a tween anymore and he does not appreciate the fluttering in his chest, but as his mother would say, he was also never really good at lying to himself. He couldn't say no, even if he barely knew Thorin. Nobody else would ever ask him again, and he had so desperately wanted to be asked, who was he fooling. "I—I will go with you," he says, his hands shaking and his eyes light. And when Thorin looks at him for a brief moment and smiles a little genuine smile at him, saying "Thank you, Master Baggins" like he's the one being done a favor, Bilbo feels a weight lift off his chest, that he had tried to not think about for some very long years now.
That night, after everyone has been given where to rest, Bilbo writes a letter to the Thain, to be put in the box in the morning.
Dear uncle,
I have been asked to go on a year long trip. By a dwarf. All conditions have been met and I have agreed to come along. Please send one of my cousins to take care of my home. The garden should be taken care of already. I must leave in the morning and there is no much time for much else, but I trust you to know what is needed in my absence, having much more experience with this kind of thing.
Gandalf has introduced us and he is from a respectable family. I will answers any questions upon my return. There may be a dragon on the other end. Wish me luck.
Love,
Bilbo
All in all, it is a very standard trip, Bilbo thinks and says so to his friends, who are sitting around him in the healer's tent, where he is getting his head looked at. Thorin hasn't woken yet, having gotten pretty thoroughly stabbed there at the end, but Fíli and Kíli have already been let out of bed and onto chairs where they can keep up with the conversation going on around them. "It's gone a little bit longer than usual, but you know, the battle was indeed unexpected. Here I was thinking the dragon would be the very last! Regardless, I think once we have figured out what to do about the Mountain we should be alright to get married. Even if it's a small wedding, I would rather have it done sooner than later." Bilbo said with a firm nod, with the surety of someone who has made a decision after a good long time of consideration.
"Married?" It is Óin who says, used to asking even when he was sure he hadn't heard wrong. He is, after all, standing right next to Bilbo and looking at his head. "Who's getting married?"
"Why, me of course!" Bilbo says, also assuming Óin hadn't heard at least an important part of the conversation.
"To whom?" Asks Fíli, sounding somewhat scandalized, which Bilbo thinks is fair, as one doesn't always like to hear about the private life of one's close relations, but also a little rude.
"Well, to Thorin of course!" Says Bilbo, finally looking back to his friends and getting a bit nervous at the shock he sees on their faces. "We have been engaged for over a year already, you know. I don't know how long it takes for you dwarves to go about it but my uncle would be appalled to know I've let it go on for so long as it is, though he always was a bit promiscuous to tell the truth, so I don't think he gets a say. But I do think I should send him a letter, whenever any of you has some time to show me how one can do that all the way from here," Bilbo says, almost as an afterthought, just to make sure someone will remember.
Bilbo knows he's rambling a little, though it hadn't helped his nerves all that much, considering all his friends were still looking at him with various degrees of shock.
"When did you get engaged!?" Says Kíli, the first one to recover, and while he is smiling, which helps Bilbo's nerves a little, his eyes still had a bit of a crazed shine to them. Maybe he had also hit his head.
"What do you mean when did we get engaged? At Bag End! You were all there, don't tell me you don't remember!" Bilbo says with a mind of pushing Óin Kíli's way to check the boy's head, except… except he can hear Dwalin gasp, and something is definitely not right. "I will admit that I was not expecting it at all, but your uncle was quite romantic, I don't think I could have refused if I'm being honest," Bilbo admits with a shy smile, blushing from the back of his neck to the tip of his ears.
"Laddie," Balin says, recovering from a coughing fit. "Laddie, I'm afraid you're going to have to be a little bit more specific. When exactly did Thorin propose to you?"
Bilbo squints his eyes at him. "Are you having me on?" He asks. He knows they've been through much these last months, but how could they forget? They are the ones who showed up at his home!
"Humor me, laddie," Balin says, with that voice he uses when trying to appease someone.
"When he was having dinner?" says Bilbo, very slowly. "I swear if you—" Bilbo looks around only to be faced again with shock now slowly turning to blank faces. "He came into my home, ate my food, and asked me to join him on a year long trip to his ancestral home with all his closest kin!" He says, getting now upset and exasperated so he doesn't have to confront yet the weird, uncomfortable, sinking feeling in his tummy. "I mean, I know nobody has gotten engaged like that since my grandfather was still alive, but you couldn't say it more plainly. I—Well, I saw no reason to say no." Bilbo blushes again. Really, that is the last thing he wants to talk about, why he wouldn't, couldn't, say no to Thorin.
He had been lonely, is what he doesn't want to say. Nobody was ever the right person, there was always so much more to do, many a hobbit only cared about his wealth and position. He didn't want to say that the truth was that he never fully recovered from the wolves, his mind too often causing him nightmares. Then, when he finally felt like he could stop being ashamed of it, like he could keep it under control, his father had died, and his mother hadn't been the same after. It had been just two years of her passing when the dwarves showed up, and by that point Bilbo had known for a while that he was too old for courting. To have anyone at all was nothing more than a fantasy of his youth at that point, so for Thorin—tall, handsome, regal Thorin—to ask him for engagement in the most ancient and romantic way one could be asked in the Shire… Bilbo never really stood a chance.
It's Nori who says, his voiced a bit choked. "You didn't even know we were coming!"
"Well no…" Bilbo says, hesitantly, unsure why his friends are looking so upset. "But Gandalf introduced you," he smiles a little at that. "He was the one who introduced my mother to my father, you know, if by accident; he was a really good friend of my grandfather, so sometimes he would let his children follow Gandalf all over the Shire. My mother would have rarely gone to Hobbiton otherwise, living all the way to the Great Smials." Bilbo clears his throat, realizing he's rambling again. "I mean, well—what I mean is that he came with good reference, if a bit unorthodox."
"But he treated you horribly!" Ori exclaims, startling Bilbo somewhat badly by the worry in his voice.
"Well yes, but that is what the trip is for, you know," and if Bilbo expected understanding all he got was more silence and some shakes of heads around him. "I mean, the point is to get to know each other, to become familiar with all the worst parts of each other and figure out if we can overcome it. That is the foundation of a good, strong marriage, you know," he says, finally getting a nod and a hum from at least Glóin.
"Aye, it's good to get that out of the way first thing in a marriage."
Bilbo nods along. "Of course. And then you see, if by the end of the journey we can still find joy in each other, then we can plan the wedding."
"You still find joy with uncle?" Fíli asks, in such a small voice that it makes him sound very young indeed.
"Of course I do, Fíli," Bilbo smiles to the lad, only then occurring to him that he may be getting ahead of himself and looking down to fidget with his hands, which are really in a very sorry state. "I mean, that is, of course, if he—I know he still hasn't woken up, but he did say he forgave me for… of course he thought he may be dying then and. Well. Well, that is, of course if he still… I mean," he chuckles, though he is sure it must sound wrong, "I mean, of course, maybe he doesn't want to marry me after all." He finally says, going very still, realizing that may be why his friends all looked so concerned. "Oh," Bilbo purses his lips, "oh. Maybe he did mean it when he said I should go… back to the Shire. I just… it was such a long trip, you know, it never occurred to me that at the end he wouldn't… You all are quite right, of course, I shouldn't have assumed."
"No!" Both Fíli and Kíli exclaim, almost getting out of their chairs if it weren't for the look Óin sends their way.
"No, Bilbo!" Kíli continues, getting his bum properly back on the chair. "No, I'm sure uncle would still like to marry you!"
Fíli nods so fast Bilbo is worried for a second that his head may suffer injury if it hasn't already. "He would not want you to go back, but you must stay, of course, until he wakes up for him to tell you himself." And he does look quite princely, Bilbo thinks, right at that moment.
"Oh. You are quite right, you know. One can hardly make these decisions by oneself, or course." Bilbo says, satisfied.
And that would be the end of it if he was fool enough to not realize in the days after that his friends are hiding something. He does not push, for he is sure they just haven't figured out how to tell him yet, if Balin and Dwalin's faces are any indication, but it does worry him all the same, particularly when they volunteer to be there with him the day Thorin wakes up. There is still a part of him that is not convinced that Thorin's nephews are not simply trying to appease him and make him feel better before he gets sent packing.
Bilbo is, of course not the first one to see Thorin when he wakes up—he's already seen the healers and his nephews and most likely Balin as well. Thorin must be informed of how things are going, and he would obviously want to see his sister-sons, so Bilbo is not worried about that. He is concerned, however, about what Thorin may say to him, after the conversation he had with the rest of the company. How could he not have thought about that? That Thorin may have changed his mind, after everything. That just because they both forgave each other that meant they would still go on to get married. Bilbo isn't sure what he'll do if Thorin tells him he doesn't want him to stay; he's not sure if he could live again in the Shire with that kind of shame, after the letter he sent his uncle. Everyone would know by now, that he went off on a trip to get married to a dwarf, of whom nobody knows anything but that he was recommended by a wizard. At his age! On a trip. He has known for a while that he is quite too old for romance in the Shire, but he really has hoped, through the journey, that this romance, being so alien to the Shire, would be allowed to happen to someone like him.
He won't know, of course, until he talks to Thorin, so he breaths deeply and goes into the tent, and he may feel a little like crying just by seeing Thorin awake.
"Bilbo," Thorin says when he sees him, and then gives him one of those small smiles that he only sees every so often, when Thorin really is glad or relieved.
They sit together for a while, talking about how Thorin feels and what has been going on around the grounds; whether the Men have stayed and the Elves have gone and who has been contacted from where. The whole time there are other dwarves around the tent but Bilbo doesn't mind; they will have time if Thorin does decide to continue with their engagement, and if he doesn't, then Bilbo would rather not be alone with Thorin for that conversation, for if there is nobody else around to force him, he may not be able to keep his wits when he has to walk away. He doesn't think he could leave if it's just him and Thorin.
That is until he starts trying to ask Thorin about their plans and Balin decides to interrupt.
"I think, Bilbo," Balin says, just as Bilbo has gathered the courage to bring the topic up. "That we need to have a conversation with the King about what you were telling us the other day."
"Well yes," says Bilbo frowning. "That is what I was just saying if you hadn't interrupted, Balin." He says it maybe a little bit meanly, but he is feeling rather out of sorts already. This is really not how trips are supposed to go, he doesn't think.
"You must promise not to be upset or leave, though," is Dwalin, of all people, who says.
"But why would I leave? It's me who's been talking about staying!"
"You would stay?" Thorin says, sounding surprised, making Bilbo pause for a second.
"Well, yes, that is, I mean—if you would be okay with that, of course. If… if you still want to continue our engagement, that's what I wanted to ask."
"Engagement?" Thorin sounds genuinely confused, and Bilbo worries for a moment they have tired him too much already today, but the healers said he should be fine still a little longer.
"That is," interrupts Balin, "what we think we must talk about, and that you must promise not to be upset at us for, Bilbo. We really weren't sure how to bring it up, and we don't know how much you and Thorin really talked about it, but I suspect we would have heard of it if Thorin had understood what you had been saying."
"Balin, you are not making any sense," Bilbo says, truly frustrated. He's supposed to be having a very important conversation with Thorin.
"We didn't know about the customs of hobbits." Dwalin says quickly, and Bilbo has a second to consider how curious it is that dwarven siblings have that ability to interrupt each other without interrupting each other at all. Then his words sink in.
"What do you mean?" Bilbo asks, because he's not sure he's understanding.
"The engagement," Balin says. "Dwarves do not start a courtship in such ways, nor had we heard of it until you mentioned it to us. We really don't think Thorin was aware of this either."
"Engagement?" Thorin says again, looking truly lost and making all the color drain from Bilbo's face.
"But he said…" Bilbo blinks rapidly, feeling shame crawling up his neck. "Oh."
"What engagement," Thorin demands urgently, not understanding what is going on.
"You truly…"
"Bilbo explained to us," Balin says, looking at Thorin. "That the way we came into his house all those months ago, and the words your Majesty used to request Master Baggins' assistant on the quest would make it, by Shire customs, that you were asking to become engaged with him." Balin explains, with a mostly neutral face except for the unhappy curling of his mouth.
"Engaged?"
"Oh, I've been a proper fool, haven't I." Bilbo exclaims, still in some kind of shock. He's suddenly remembering all those times as a faunt, when he would do something silly that would make him feel embarrassed when his mother ended up finding out and pulling him aside to talk to him about it. She would always make him feel better, he remembers, for even when he was embarrassed or ashamed, his mother would only ask him about what he had learned from his little adventures. 'Nothing,' Bilbo thinks to himself this time. 'I learned nothing, mom, look at where this one got me.'
"I'm sorry," Bilbo says, finally, pulling himself up from the bed where he had been sitting next to Thorin to straighten his back, not looking at Thorin but over his shoulder or somewhere beyond his hands. "It seems I made a lot of assumptions," he laughs at the understatement, but he thinks it may be a bit broken, for how it makes the Fundin brothers flinch. "Of course you wouldn't know of the customs of my people. I simply assumed Gandalf would have told you, by the way you asked me to come with you." His laugh is a little more genuine now. Leave to Thorin to accidentally ask a hobbit his hand in marriage almost by the book. Of course, Bilbo should have realized there never was a proper conversation about Thorin's intentions or their plans for when they finished their trip, but there had been a very lengthy contract, Bilbo had assumed some of it would be addressed in there; he had been too flustered to read the whole cursed thing. Oh, his mother would be having a day.
But his mother wasn't there, Bilbo thinks. She hadn't been there for a while now, and no one else waiting for Bilbo back in the Shire that would not speak of his trip as the scandal it is. To return unmarried. Like he needed any more excuses to never again come out of his hole. He will have to hire someone to bring him things from the market. Or maybe just take to the woods, or be like all those hobbits that went off and never returned. He always did want to know where they had gone, maybe he can finally find out.
"Oh, I am very sorry. I don't know why—I mean I should have just asked you, if you were sure. I am quite a bit old for all that romance and drama, you know. I should have known when you said you were a king; why would you want to take up with an old hobbit bachelor.
Of course I'll leave," Bilbo says, long ago simply looking at his own hands, where they twist on the ends of his Mannish coat, completely missing the chocked noise coming from Thorin's bed. "I know it doesn't mean anything to you, but it wouldn't be right for me to be here if you decide to… to get… you know. To a Dam. Like a king would, I suppose. So, I'll just. Maybe Beorn will let me stay, at least he won't ask me any questions." Bilbo mutters that last part.
"We said you couldn't be upset," Dwalin says, sounding almost like a petulant child.
"Do not leave." Thorin says in a booming voice that he promptly regrets, flinching from the pain in his abdomen. "I will marry you," he gasps, trying to push away the nearest healer who's trying to check he didn't reopen his wounds. "I will marry you, Bilbo Baggins, if you would really still have me, after all the ways I've wronged you."
"Oh Thorin," Bilbo feels a pain in his chest that he hopes hasn't become clear on his face. "You don't have to marry me just because… of some sense of obligation, or, or whatever it is that you're feeling."
"I am not!" Says Thorin only to be immediately pushed back against the bed by a very annoyed Óin now. "This is not… not some sense of obligation, though I do owe you my life, and my mountain, and your unwavering commitment."
"Thorin…"
"You wanted to marry me." Thorin interrupts. "From the beginning when I asked you in your home. You thought of me worthy of marrying you, if we both survived this mad journey to reclaim my home."
"Well, of course we had to see how we got along and worked together and all that such, you know, as any good marriage."
"You thought me worthy of that. Of giving us a try. Even when I put you through such dangers, even when I dismissed you so; you kept going. You had the belief we could be married at the end."
"Well there's no need to put it that way," Bilbo says, now getting a little angry. Thorin doesn't need to rub in Bilbo's foolishness.
"No, Bilbo. I am beyond honored. I am an old fool who came in this journey expecting to die. If you do not wish to continue our engagement, I shall not wed. You must know that I love you, Bilbo." Thorin reaches for his hand and Bilbo squeaks, surprised at Thorin's words. "And I would have you be my consort if you would stay by my side. I would marry you by your people's laws if that is all you wish. I would dress the mountain in pearls if you would let me; if you would stay."
"Well of course I love you too, Thorin," Bilbo gasps, almost involuntarily, taken aback by the intensity of Thorin's words and worried about Óin's increasingly red face. "Of course I will marry you."
"Oh, thank Mahal," Balin says, with so much relief he feels faint, holding himself on his brother's arm, who is pretending not to be crying while he smiles. "Thank Mahal."
Thorin quite agrees.