Work Text:
r/AITA
Silk_inthestrings
AITA for lying about my gender?
For context, I am a cis woman (22f) and I was out with one of my friend's (28m) partners (29m). We were at quite the large party, which I knew beforehand but my friend's partner (Now referred to as M for ease) didnt. He was a bit shocked and overwhelmed by everything, so I decided that I should leave him be and let him find his way to the drinks and buffet, since that was what he was looking forward to. He seemed a bit lost, so I chatted with some other people hanging around the entry area. I stopped paying attention to M around 9:30pm and ended up getting a little more tipsy than I had originally planned to. I was hitting it off with this girl, when I suddenly realized I hadnt seen M in a while, so I looked around for him. He was standing by the bar, drink in hand, with this woman getting into his space- I figured, hey, not my business and went back to chatting. A little later, I glanced back and saw M leaning away from this lady and seeming tense. He caught my eye and glanced between me and the lady, so I walked over after apologizing to the girl I was talking to. I came up to the woman and asked her to leave my boyfriend alone- Clearly indicating M. Apparently, though, M had already told her that he was gay. So the lady starts getting in MY face and says that M told her that he was gay and clearly one of us was lying- She said something like, "Since HE claimed to be GAY" and I responded that he was. She looked at me for a second, confused, and asked what I meant. I told her that M IS gay and that he's my boyfriend. I grabbed M's hand and we walked back to where the food was being served. He grabbed some mini churros before asking to leave, so we did. But ever since, I feel a bit guilty? I mean, I lied in the moment because M had already said he was gay, but is that an excuse? Im cis, so I dont want to step on any toes or claim any experiences of trans folk- AITA?
Comments:
Stranger_and_Stranger
╰ I think thats the only GOOD thing you did this evening??? I mean, you left your friend alone when he CLEARLY looked lost, saw this woman making him uncomfortable but didnt even go over there until he noticed you saw him?? You're TA for not helping him SOONER
True_Rebel
╰ NTA- As a trans dude, youre not stepping on any toes, except maybe the woman's lol. Sometimes you just need to help out a friend
╰ Stranger_and_Stranger
Yeah, maybe sooner than later though- why'd she just let the woman do whatever she wanted until her friend basically called her over
╰ Silicone-339
Maybe she thought he was into it? Idk, it can be hard to tell sometimes
╰ Stranger_and_Stranger
Hes gay- why would he want to be hit on by a woman?? EDIT: AND TAKEN!! Thank you all for reminding me
Fungus_Crumpets
╰ YTA, Im cis, but just bc your friend is getting hit on, even if its making them uncomfortable, that doesnt give you an excuse to pretend to be trans. Like, I would never do that bc Im cis and I know that I'll never like, get the trans experience and you shouldnt act like you do
╰ Lesibelle-129
Bro what?? Im trans and shes not even pretending to be trans, she just let the ignorant woman decide for herself what her dating a gay guy meant- She barely even claimed she was a dude
AITA for lying about my gender?
EDIT: Because I see a lot of people commenting on this, M isnt my friend. Im friends with his partner, J.
EDIT 2: We went to the party together because M didnt want to go alone.
EDIT 3: I am very certain that M does NOT consider me his friend. If anything, he tends to avoid me when he sees me at work.
EDIT 4: Im his partner's roommate. His partner works with him, so I sometimes see him while visiting his partner.
[This thread has been closed.]
r/relationships
Tea_Spiders
Partner's roommate wont stop pranking me?
So, my (29m) partner (28m) has a roommate, Anna (22f). Anna and I have never really gotten along? At first, I thought we would, seeing as she has a love for spiders, which I also do! My partner (Jay) has pretty bad arachnophobia, though, so I resigned myself to never getting a tarantula and dealing with all of the spiders while we're together- Which I dont mind at all! But for some reason Anna seems to avoid me? We see each other sometimes at my work when she comes to visit Jay and she doesnt even acknowledge me. Recently, we even went to a party together and she completely left me to my own devices until we decided to leave. Anyway, recently Ive been finding little plastic spiders around their flat? Like, in areas I know Jay wouldnt reach or even see, so its not like Anna could be pranking him. I dont think she would, either- His panic response with spiders is freeze, so its not a very "fun" reaction to a prank. Theyre also pretty close and she seems respectful of his phobia- But I also know one of them HAS to be buying and placing these spiders around the flat, but it CANT be Jay- he would be too terrified and Anna isnt even bothered by spiders- so she has to be the one playing a prank right?? But WHY?? Does she want me to find them and be afraid? Or scream?? But I LOVE spiders and she would definitely know that if shes talked to Jay at all about his phobia, which I know she has. Maybe its a peace offering?? But then why would she not say anything?? Does she want ME to bring it up??? Im so confused and Im not sure if I should talk to her about it
Tldr; Partner's roommate is leaving plastic spiders around their flat where partner cant see them- Im not sure what to do about it?
Ps. I've been keeping the spiders
Comments:
Silicone-339
╰ Maybe its her way of flirting or something?? Def tell your partner about it
╰ Tea_Spiders (OP)
I dont know, he really doesnt like spiders so even knowing there may be fake ones around would freak him out
Karmic_Justin
╰ Info: is it possible that your partner could find these spiders while doing unusual tasks? Like a once in a while deep clean or something? Even if she seems respectful, she could still be trying to prank him.
╰ Tea_Spiders (OP)
Definitely not. The only reason I can see them is Im quite tall- Honestly its a bit shocking to me that Anna could even get them in some of these places as shes on the shorter side
╰ Karmic_Justin
Huh- Yeah Id go with her trying to play nice then- I have a nephew who acts similar when trying to make new friends- Maybe she sees it as "sharing toys". Bit weird for a 22yr tho
Aggressive-noggin
╰ Spider tax???
╰ Tea_Spiders (OP)
Of course!! Here [A picture of an array of plastic spiders, all different sizes and species. There are 10 in total]
r/relationships
J_dvlle
My boyfriend loves spiders. Im an arachnophobe...
So, I have severe arachnophobia due to a traumatic childhood event. I wont go into it here as its a long enough story to be its own post and doesnt belong in this subreddit. Point being, it is debilitating. If I so much as see a spider, I freeze up and can barely even call for help at the best of times. Hell, I could THINK about a spider too hard and have the same sort of reaction.
Me and my boyfriend met a few years ago and started going out shortly after. I always knew he had a fondness for spiders as he mentioned it the few times I insulted them in front of him before we started dating. I, however, didn't realize how MUCH he liked them. We live separately and will continue to do so, but we spend enough time at each other's places that he asked me if I would want to get a tarantula with him. He was so excited at the prospect and started explaining the differences between two species. I felt awful but told him that I wouldn't be able to go over to his then- He asked me why and I told him that I'm an arachnophobe. He said that tarantulas are gentle giants and that they’re actually quite nice spiders, but I told him that didn’t change anything and that ANY spider is too much for me. He decided not to get the tarantula and didn’t really press, but I could tell he was disappointed.
At some point after, I was in my office at work when my boyfriend came in to talk to me (we work together). I was answering some of his questions when out of the corner of my eye I see a spindly little spider- I IMMEDIATELY froze. It was on a thin piece of silk descending onto my desk from who knows where- I just...stared at it as it landed on my desk and started crawling around. I watched as it started climbing over my files and eventually- Onto my hand. I started trembling at that point and probably had tears already in my eyes. My boyfriend hadn’t even noticed the spider until he realized I wasn’t looking at him. When he DID see the spider, he turned back to me questioningly. I was still frozen, and he eventually gently cupped the spider (that was still on my hand) and brought it out of the room. I have no idea where he put it, and I don’t want to know- but when he came back, he gently asked about it.
Obviously, I had told him I’m an arachnophobe before, but apparently, he hadn’t realized how bad it was. He had thought I just didn’t like spiders and that I killed them whenever I saw them, or something. I told him that I don’t think I had ever killed a spider since I always froze when I saw them. He seemed to get almost an approving look in his eye? I suppose a spider-lover would be upset at the proposition that their partner would hurt spiders. Anyway, ever since we've landed on a system that works for both of us; When I see a spider, I call out to him as loudly as I need to and he'll come and pick it up to bring it somewhere else. As long as I don’t know where he put it or see it again, I won’t bother it or ask him to kill it. I know he doesn’t always put them outside because he says they’re the best natural pest control. I begrudgingly agree with him- and as long as they’re out of sight, I don’t have to care.
We've had long talks about how to deal with my phobia along with his love of spiders, and have successfully met in the middle. He makes me feel very loved. He makes me realize people will actually listen if they care about you.
Anyway, I've been seeing a lot of negative stuff in here recently, so I figured I should share a positive story.
TLDR; My boyfriend and I have a system in place for when there are spiders since he's a spider lover and I'm an arachnophobe
Edit to add: When I'm at home, I have my roommate, Annabelle, to deal with spiders. She's practically a spider whisperer.
Comments:
Aggressive-noggin
╰ AWWWW I went in thinking this would be a "omg break up already" post and instead Im met with the most wholesome story possible- Im so glad you guys could work it out!!
Lesbosplanning
╰ Yikes...I mean, girl, you really shouldn't just rely on your husband like that. Like, making him give up his tarantula? That sucks. You need to take a step back and realize that your partner is going to have wants and you need to accommodate them ://
╰ Aggressive-noggin
..?? OP shared a nice story about them and their boyfriend compromising, literally where are you getting drama from??
╰ Lesbosplanning
Making her boyfriend get rid of his tarantula is AWFUL what are you on about??
╰ Aggressive-noggin
Dude. They literally say their phobia is debilitating- ofc their partner cant have a spider as a pet?? I LOVE spiders, and thatd be a dealbreaker for me, but it clearly wasnt for OP's boyfriend! And good for them! Theyre happy whats wrong with that??
╰ J_dvlle (OP)
My boyfriend did not have a tarantula to get rid of. He was considering buying one together which I told him I could not do.
Scrungle-Scringly
╰ Urghhh where do all of the girls find these men?? I need me a boyfriend like yours girl
╰ Jdvlle (OP)
Im a man, actually. But yes, I am very lucky to have him
╰ ApolloLive
That explains it -_-