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Eddie doesn’t quite know how he got here, crashing the Calamigas Ranch Club, intent on stopping a wedding he wasn’t even invited to.
Well, no, that isn’t quite true. He does know how he got here. It’s all his abuela’s fault.
Eight weeks ago, Eddie had dropped Chris off with his grandmother before his shift at the fire station. Five hours later, he’d gotten a call from the hospital.
Eddie had rushed over there, not even bothering to change out of his uniform. He’d sprinted through the halls of the hospital, almost crashing directly into his own son. Wrapping him fiercely in his arms and demanding to know what had happened, Eddie almost didn’t notice the firefighter standing with him.
That was how Eddie met Buck. He’d s been one of the firefighters responding to Eddie’s abuela’s accident, and he’d volunteered to stick around with Chris until Eddie showed up. It took only one look at Chris from Eddie to realize that his son had already become deeply enchanted by this tall, blue-eyed stranger.
It took only a few minutes after that for Eddie to become just as enchanted.
Eddie told himself at first it was just a friend-crush. He was still getting his footing in LA, and between his new job and scrambling for childcare, he hadn’t had a lot of time to pursue friendships.
But Buck made it easy. He was more than happy to hang with both Chris and Eddie—half the time, Eddie was convinced he was more interested in Chris’s friendship than his own. He’d even helped Eddie find a more permanent child-care situation for Chris, which, looking back, may have been the moment Eddie had well and truly fallen in love with him.
Buck was like no one Eddie had ever met. He was enthusiastic about everything—funny and generous and so gorgeous it made Eddie feel a little insane. When he was with him, Eddie felt a sense of freedom and joy he wasn’t sure he’d ever had before. For so long, his whole life had been about responsibility. Doing the right thing, do right by everyone else. But with Buck, he felt like he could be silly and irreverent and open. With Buck, the weight of everything Eddie had to do and had to be felt lighter.
It was about three and a half weeks after meeting him that Eddie had finally allowed himself to accept the fact that his crush on Buck was definitely not platonic. And that it was probably well on its way to being more than just a crush.
It was a rare, child-free evening for Eddie, and Buck had invited him to grab drinks with some other first responders. Eddie spent about forty-five minutes picking his outfit, and even put on the nice cologne, the one his sister had gotten him for Christmas as a not-so-subtle nudge to get back out there and start dating again.
At the time, Eddie hadn’t appreciated it, but now…now he was starting to think maybe he was ready. If it was the right person.
And if the right person just happened to be a hot, blue-eyed firefighter with a strawberry pink birthmark who absolutely adored Eddie’s kid? Well. He wasn’t going to pass up a chance to dress up a bit and get Buck’s attention.
And the thing is, it worked. He had Buck’s attention from the moment he walked through the door of the bar, Buck’s eyes lighting up when he spotted him. He’d excitedly introducing him around to everyone—Hen and Ravi, his captain, Bobby Nash, and Bobby’s wife, a police sergeant named Athena Grant. After the introductions had been made, Buck had jumped up and immediately volunteered to get Eddie a drink. He’d come back and sat right next to Eddie, tucked close on the bench seat.
And just when Eddie was starting to get the sense that his interest in Buck probably wasn’t one-sided, it all came crashing down on him.
“So, Buck, you excited for the wedding?” Athena asked, after their second round.
Buck lit up. “Oh, man. It’s going to be so great! We found a venue with gorgeous views of the ocean—the Calamigas Ranch Club. I told Maddie not to worry about a thing, I’m taking care of everything—”
“You mean taking over everything,” Hen butted in. “I swear you’re more of a bridezilla than she could ever dream of being.”
“I just want things to be perfect,” Buck replied. There was so much tenderness in his voice, so much love. “She deserves that, after everything.”
“Well, I’m sure it’ll be beautiful,” Bobby said, placatingly.
The conversation carried on, but Eddie had lost track of it, sitting frozen at Buck’s side, heart sinking like a stone. Of course. Of course someone like Buck wasn’t single. Of course he had someone, someone who he gave all that generosity, all that joy to. And from the way Buck talked about her—Maddie—Eddie knew he truly loved her.
After that night, Eddie resolved to put his crush aside. But he had so few friends in LA, and Chris loved Buck so much already, so it wasn’t like he could just stop seeing him. And he didn’t want to stop seeing him—he loved being with Buck. Even if it was only as friends.
The problem was that there were times when Eddie got the sense that he wasn’t the only one who wanted more.
Sometimes, he’d look at Eddie, and Eddie would be so sure there was something Buck wanted to say, something he was holding back. They worked out together sometimes, on their off days, and Eddie would catch him flicking his gaze over Eddie’s body while Eddie completed a set of reps. He flirted with Eddie near-constantly, slyly trash-talking him when they played video games, teasing him about his love of telenovelas and gossip, making comments about how Eddie could have anyone he wanted. It made Eddie want to scream because it wasn’t true. He couldn’t have anyone he wanted. He couldn’t have Buck. Because Buck was getting married.
He avoided the topic of Maddie and the wedding as best he could, feeling awkward about the whole thing, although sometimes her name came up in conversation anyway. This is Maddie’s favorite wine, he’d said, one night when he’d brought a bottle over. Or, Maddie and I used to watch that show all the time! about a silly gameshow Chris had gotten into.
Part of Eddie, probably the part that thrived on self-punishment, wanted to press for more details. Where had they met? How long had they been together? From what Eddie had gathered, they’d known each other for a long time—childhood sweethearts, maybe? Like Eddie and Shannon? But then Buck also told stories of his wild youth, and his most recent exes, so maybe the story was more complicated than that.
Once, Buck had mentioned something about introducing the two of them, telling Eddie he was sure they’d get along. The idea of it made Eddie feel nauseous, and he’d responded so awkwardly that Buck had dropped the subject.
He knew he had to kill this crush, once and for all. He’d suck it up, finally meet the woman who Buck loved so much, and maybe that would do it. He’d see she was a real person, see she was worthy of this man who’d stormed into Eddie’s life and captured his heart so easily, and Eddie could finally let it go.
It was late Friday, a week before the wedding, and Eddie was puttering around the house, not quite ready to get in bed, but not wanting to do much else but feel sorry for himself, when he heard a knock at the door.
For a moment, when he first opened the door, he thought he might be dreaming.
Because Buck was standing there. Buck was on his front porch smiling, dress shirt untucked, curls mussed, eyes bright, cheeks flushed. He didn’t look quite drunk, but he didn’t look sober, either.
“Hi,” he said.
Eddie almost couldn’t look at him. But he couldn’t look away, either. “Hi.”
“Can I come in?” Buck asked.
Eddie just nodded, helpless to do anything else, and stepped back to let him in.
“Chris asleep?”
Eddie nodded again.
“Good.” And then Buck stepped forward, into Eddie’s space, and kissed him.
How many times had Eddie dreamed of this? How many times had he lain in bed, picturing Buck walking through the door, sweeping in his arms just like this? It was like he’d conjured this scene, made the fantasy real.
But the reality was better than anything Eddie had dreamed. He could smell the sweat on Buck’s skin, taste the faint bite of alcohol and sweetness on his tongue. He could feel Buck’s arms, solid and firm, under his hands, the heat of his body as he pressed Eddie back against the wall.
Eddie clung to him like a lifeboat in a storm, his whole body alive and electric, an exposed nerve under Buck’s hands. He kissed him back, too needy and too raw, but Buck—always so generous, so open—let him take what he wanted.
“Buck,” Eddie gasped as Buck sucked molten kisses down his jaw, his throat.
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” Buck murmured, his breath warm and humid against Eddie’s skin. “I couldn’t—couldn’t stay away. Couldn’t stop myself.”
He set his teeth against Eddie’s collarbone and Eddie groaned, loud and low, arching against him.
“I was at the bachelor party, doing shots with Hen and Ravi and all I could think about was you.”
Eddie’s eyes flew open. Before his brain had fully caught up to his body, he shoved Buck away from him, hard enough that his back collided with the front door. He looked even more debauched than when he’d shown up, chest heaving with panted breaths, lips dark pink and kiss-bitten.
The bachelor party. Eddie’s hands came up to cover his face. Tonight was Buck’s bachelor party.
“Eddie?” Buck asked, voice tentative.
“You have to go,” Eddie said, injecting his voice with more conviction than he felt. A part of him—a much bigger part than he wanted to acknowledge—wanted to grab Buck and drag him back to his bedroom. He could still feel the heat of Buck’s mouth on his skin.
“I—I’m sorry,” Buck said, stumbling over the words. “God, Eddie, I thought—I thought you wanted this, too.”
Eddie wanted to howl. It wasn’t fair. Buck was becoming his best friend, and he was the only person Eddie had felt this way about in years. And Buck wanted him, at least enough for a drunken mistake a week before his wedding.
“It doesn’t matter what I want,” Eddie said, dropping his hands from his face. “We can’t. This is wrong.”
Buck swallowed, flinching back like Eddie’s words were a physical blow. Then he nodded, jaw clenched, and said, “Okay. If that’s really how you feel.”
“Buck,” Eddie said, pleading. Because this couldn’t be on him. Buck was the one getting married. Buck was the one cheating on his fiancé. “I can’t do this. Just—please, just leave.”
Buck hurled a look at him so full of defiance and hurt Eddie felt nausea rising in his throat. “Okay,” he said again, reaching for the door. He pulled it open and, his back to Eddie, said, “Sorry for disturbing your night.”
And then he was gone, the door rattling in its frame behind him.
Eddie let out a shuddering breath and slid to the ground.
In the week since that night, Eddie had gone through what felt like sixteen stages of grief. He’d been furious at Buck, furious at himself, furious at a woman he’d never met for the crime of existing and being in love. He’d stayed up nights thinking about Buck’s mouth on him, the solid weight of his body against Eddie’s. He’d gotten himself off thinking about it and then buried his face in his pillow in shame.
He’d tried to just focus on his job, on Chris, but every stupid thing in this city reminded him of Buck. The taco truck on his commute that Buck had introduced him to, the park where Eddie likes to jog, where he and Buck had surprised Chris with an adaptive skateboard. The zoo they’d taken Chris to three weekends ago, the street they’d once made a mad dash down to avoid a parking ticket. Even his own goddamn house reminds him of Buck—the kitchen where Buck has cooked him dinner, the living room where Chris had smoked them both at Monopoly, the dining room table where Buck has sat with Chris and helped him with his science homework.
It’s awful.
The morning of the wedding, Eddie was eating breakfast with his Abuela and Chris.
“When are we gonna hang out with Buck again?” Chris asked.
“I don’t know, kiddo,” Eddie answered. “He’s been busy. He’s getting married.”
“He’s getting married?” Chris echoed. “To who?”
“I haven’t met her,” Eddie replied. “But I’m sure she’s great.”
“Yeah, but…” Chris trailed off, biting his lip. “You like him. Don’t you?”
“As a friend,” Eddie said firmly.
“Then why were you kissing the other night?” Chris asked.
“We—you saw that?” Eddie demanded. “You were supposed to be asleep!”
Chris just shrugged. “So?”
“We—it—it was a mistake,” Eddie stutters.
“Eddie,” Abuela said, her tone a familiar frustrated one. “I saw the way you looked at him the first moment you saw him. I’ve seen that look before—flechazo. Like you were struck by Cupid’s arrow.”
“Abuela,” Eddie said. “It doesn’t matter. He’s getting married.”
“I’m just saying,” Abuela says. “The heart wants what it wants. And you, mijo, have spent so much of your life denying your heart what it wants.”
Eddie felt his irritation simmering. “What do you want me to do, crash his wedding and profess my love for him?”
Abuela shrugged. “If he kissed you, he can’t be all that sure about this marriage, now can he?”
Eddie had swallowed, a stone in his throat, remembering his own wedding, and how unsure he’d felt. How much he’d cared for Shannon, loved her, and yet hated that this was being forced upon him. Forced upon both of them.
If he’d just been honest then, if he’d just let himself ask for what he really wanted, maybe things could have been different. If someone had come to him, and told him there was another path, another way to be, maybe he would have taken it.
Is that what it’s been like, for Buck? Eddie knows he loves Maddie, but is he really in love with her? If he’s been spending all his time with Eddie, if he’s thinking about Eddie, wanting Eddie—that’s not a recipe for a healthy start to a marriage, is it?
Before Eddie really knows what he’s doing, he’s getting dressed in his suit and grabbing his keys.
This is crazy. This is absolutely, certifiably insane.
But he thinks about Buck’s face, shining with the light of the sun when he and Eddie had surprised Chris at the park. He thinks about the way his nose scrunches when he laughs really hard, the way his eyes go soft when he looks at Eddie.
This is crazy, but that’s what Buck does to him. He makes him bold. He makes him brave. He makes him want to reach out and take what he wants.
And so now Eddie is here. Standing inside the Calamigas Ranch Club, about to do the boldest, bravest, craziest thing he’s ever done in his life.
“Excuse me,” Eddie says, grabbing the attention of a slightly harassed-looking young woman wearing a dark purple dress. “Buckley wedding? I’m with the caterers. I need to speak with the groom, do you know where I can find him?”
“Sure, I just came from there,” she says. “It’s kind of confusing, I can take you?”
“That’d be great,” Eddie says, heart pounding. He has no real plan about how he’s going to get Buck alone in the rush and bustle of the wedding.
“I’m May,” she says. “I’m uh, the groom’s captain’s stepdaughter.”
“Oh, Bobby’s stepdaughter,” Eddie says without thinking.
She looks over at him quickly. “You met Bobby?”
“Um, briefly,” Eddie replies.
She’s not wrong. The way to the groom’s suite is confusing—they go down several hallways, up a flight of stairs, and end up on the landing of some kind of attic apartment. May knocks at the door. “It’s me!”
It swings open, and another person Eddie doesn’t recognize, a young Asian man wearing a very nice suit, greets them. Behind him, in sort of a studio apartment, a bunch of people are running around, doing up ties, eating snacks, engaging in the general chaos that tends to happen before a wedding. Eddie spots Hen, and Ravi, but doesn’t see Buck.
“Um, I need to speak with the groom?” Eddie says. “It’s urgent.”
“Howie!” the man calls, and another Asian man appears. He looks like the first one but older, and wearing a full-on tuxedo.
“Hi, can I help you?” the second man asks.
“Uh,” Eddie says, “I’m looking for the groom?”
“That’s me,” the man says. “Howard Han. Groom. And you are…?”
The blood drains from Eddie’s face. Did he get the wrong venue? The wrong day? Is he crashing the wrong wedding?
But no, Hen and Ravi are here. Bobby is here, Eddie can see him doing up someone’s tie in the back of the room. So this has to be the right place. The right wedding.
And then, just as Eddie feels like his brain is restarting, an achingly familiar voice rings out, sharp with exasperation, “Albert, we talked about this, I’m the best man, everything has to go through me so—Eddie?”
Eddie moves his gaze from the groom—Howard Han, apparently—up to Buck’s face. He’s somehow, impossibly, even more beautiful than Eddie remembered, dressed in a pale blue suit with a spray of delicate flowers pinned to the lapel.
“Uh. Hi,” Eddie says. “You’re not.” His head is spinning. “Uh. Okay.”
“Ohhh,” Howard says, his eyes going huge. “You’re Eddie! Man, from what Buck told us—or rather what he wouldn’t tell us—I thought—”
“Chim!” Buck barks at him. “Please, shut up!”
“Um, yes, I’m—yes. Eddie,” Eddie says stupidly. “And you’re. Getting married today.”
Howard smiles, and looks down at his tuxedo. “What gave it away?”
Buck slides between them and starts pushing Howard toward the back of the room. “Chimney, you’re due for first look pictures in five minutes, okay, this is not a drill. Where’s Hen? Ravi! Fix your boutonniere!” He seizes Eddie’s arm. “You, come with me.”
He drags him through a set of double doors that lead out onto a little balcony overlooking the rest of the ranch. Buck was right—it really is a beautiful venue.
When the doors shut behind them, Buck whirls on Eddie. “I have a very strict schedule to keep, you have thirty seconds to tell me what the fuck you’re doing at my sister’s wedding.”
Eddie, still catching up to this turn of events, turns this over in his brain slowly. “Your…your sister’s wedding. Maddie…is your sister.”
“Yeah?” Buck says, looking at him oddly. “You knew that?”
Eddie just covers his face with his hands and says into the small, dark space. “Oh my god.”
“What’s happening right now?” Buck asks. “What’s wrong with you? You just like, let me completely humiliate myself and kick me out of your house and now you’re showing up, unannounced, uninvited at my sister’s wedding? Who does that?”
“Buck, I came here to stop the wedding,” Eddie says, before he can think it through.
Buck turns crimson. “What? The hell you’re stopping the wedding! I have spent the past nine months helping to plan this thing and I’ll be—”
“No!” Eddie cries, flapping his arms uselessly in the face of Buck’s anger. “I—I thought it was your wedding! I thought you were—Jesus. I’m so fucking stupid.”
“You thought I was…” Buck begins, and then trails off. “You thought I was getting married?”
Eddie nods miserably. He can’t look at Buck right now, so he stares at his own feet in his shiny dress shoes.
“This whole time?”
Eddie nods again.
“And is that…” Buck says, tentative. “Is that why you turned me down?”
“Yeah,” Eddie rasps. “When you showed up that night…god, Buck, it was like I summoned you from my dreams. All I wanted was to take you to bed. But I thought…”
“That I was being unfaithful,” Buck finishes. Eddie nods. Buck lets out a hysterical little laugh. “Oh my god. I was going crazy, you know. I couldn’t figure you out. Like one minute I’d think, okay, so, he just wants to be friends. That’s fine, I can do friends. But then I’d catch you looking at me, or you’d touch me, or I’d flirt with you and you’d flirt back and I’d think, I can’t be imagining this, right?”
“You weren’t,” Eddie says immediately. Heat rises in his face. “You uh…you definitely weren’t.”
“That night,” Buck starts, and then swallows, looks down. “Uh. Well, I was at the bachelor party with Hen and Chim and Ravi and I guess they got fed up with me talking about you all the time, complaining about the mixed signals, so they made me take like three shots and call an Uber to your house so I could finally just—get an answer, once and for all.”
“I’m so sorry,” Eddie says. “Really. If I could do that night all over again—”
“It’s okay,” Buck says, smiling up at him. “But, um. If it’s all right. There’s actually something I’ve been wanting to ask you. I didn’t get the chance, that night.”
“Anything,” Eddie says.
Buck takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. “Do you, uh. Do you wanna come to my sister’s wedding with me?”
Eddie smiles, and reels Buck in, catching him under the chin and kissing him—thoroughly, with conviction. “Thought you’d never ask.”