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Sherlock didn’t know how he hadn’t realised it earlier. Of course he knew exactly how, medically, multiplicity worked. He knew everything about DID and OSDD-1. He had met systems on some of his cases.
He generally thought he knew his own mind well too. He had explored his Mind Palace from top to bottom. He knew he was a ‘high-functioning sociopath’ and there was nothing else that needed labelling.
Of course, his fatal flaw was his gaps in his knowledge. Information he had deemed unnecessary, and cut from himself like emotional ties.
Sherlock didn’t let himself get emotionally attached to people. Except, apparently, when their name was John Watson. John was something else. He was willing to put up with Sherlock to a fault, and yet also willing to challenge him in a way that excited Sherlock. John orbited Sherlock, and Sherlock liked it. He hadn’t realised it within himself for a long time, but Sherlock orbited John too, and at some point, the two planets had stood face-to-face and admitted it.
Sherlock thought he knew everything about multiplicity. Except, apparently, endogenic multiplicity.
That was until a certain case.
There was a man who was talking to himself. Sherlock deduced a few possible causes. Of course, Sherlock often spoke to himself, but he never seemed to psychoanalyse himself like he did everyone else.
Sherlock approached the man, and asked for some information on the case.
“I don’t know, you’ll have to ask Sandy,” said the man.
“Who’s Sandy?” Sherlock asked.
“She’s the one who files away everything like that.”
“And where is she?”
The man sighed. “Give us a sec.”
The man got out his phone and played a song. A few moments later, he - or, rather, she - looked at Sherlock and gave him the information he needed. Sherlock presumed they were a system.
John didn’t seem to grasp it like Sherlock did. He looked between Sandy and Sherlock, his brow creased.
“What was that?” John asked.
Sherlock was about to answer, but Sandy beat him to it, “Rob made me to keep track of all the important things, you see.”
“Rob? Who’s Rob?” John asked.
Sherlock wanted to roll his eyes at how oblivious John was.
“The chap you were just talking to, obviously,” Sandy said.
It was then that Sherlock realised something. “What do you mean he made you?”
“He made me. Kept thinking about me and all that until I gained consciousness.”
“What about the other alters?”
“There are no others.”
Sherlock blinked. He wasn’t sure he could believe that. “You might want to check.”
Sherlock heard a laugh in the back of his head. He did that, sometimes; made fun of himself. He pushed the laugh away.
Sherlock took John’s hand and led him away.
“What was all that about?” John asked.
“She’s part of a system. There was more than one in that body.”
“More than… More than one what?”
“People! Parts! Alters! Keep up, John, it’s a common phenomenon.”
They soon went home. At home, Sherlock relaxed. He dragged John onto the sofa and kissed him, holding his face in his hands. He often wanted to possess John, crawl inside of him and stay there. He savoured his taste because John was all his, and he wished he could keep him forever.
John pulled Sherlock closer, making out with him. For a moment, there was peace.
But peace never lasted long in Sherlock’s mind.
“What about that system, hm?” said the John in Sherlock’s head. “We should look into that.”
“Bit busy,” Sherlock murmured against John’s mouth.
“Huh?” asked the John in front of him.
“Just the voices in my head,” Sherlock said.
“Right,” John cuddled his head into Sherlock’s chest.
Sherlock stroked John’s hair, looking into the distance as his brain continued to pester him.
He decided there was only one thing to be done about it. He clocked out, going into his Mind Palace. Maybe he had stored away some information about it.
“Don’t act like you don’t know what was going on,” said the Moriarty in Sherlock’s head.
“I do know. They’re a dissociative system who haven’t met all their alters, and don’t know how their own system works,” Sherlock replied.
“Think harder,” Moriarty pressed.
Sherlock looked through some compartments while Moriarty, annoyingly, followed him around.
“They must have just compartmentalised part of their mind,” Sherlock concluded.
“I wonder who else does that,” Moriarty said, exaggeratedly sarcastically.
“Well, it’s not just a system thing.”
“Ah-huh. Then why am I a fully-fledged person?”
“I made you like that.”
“Oh, you made me? Like him?” Moriarty pointed at Mind-John, who was walking past.
John paused and looked between them.
“What’s going on?” John asked.
“Yes. Helps me think,” Sherlock replied to Moriarty.
Moriarty laughed mockingly. “And that’s all it is. Alright.”
Sherlock shook his head, returning to the outerworld. He continued stroking John’s hair.
All this was really very simple compartmentalisation. There was nothing else going on. Singlets could very easily do it.
But Sherlock couldn’t get it out of his head. He was still thinking about it the next day.
Sherlock sat down the next morning and located Moriarty in his mind, pulling him forward. Just to prove something to himself.
“You can’t take control of my body, can you?” Sherlock asked.
Sherlock felt Moriarty tilt his head. “I don’t think you want me to.”
“Try it.”
Sherlock concentrated, trying to release control of his body to the man who supposedly wasn’t a figment of his imagination.
“This isn’t working,” Sherlock mumbled.
“‘Cause you’re not letting me,” Moriarty rolled his eyes, which Sherlock could feel.
“Well, what am I supposed to do then?” Sherlock snapped.
“Let go,” Moriarty said, somehow sounding closer.
Sherlock tried, for a second. He relaxed all of his muscles. But the moment he started to dissociate, he panicked and pushed Moriarty far away.
“This is ridiculous,” Sherlock groaned.
“What’s wrong, love?” John asked, wandering into the room with a pot of tea.
Sherlock opened his mouth, but closed it again. John may have been his closest confidante, but, admittedly, Sherlock was scared to share his suspicions. Because what if Sherlock was actually multiple people? How could John still love Sherlock if Sherlock shared a brain with a copy of his arch-nemesis?
“Difficult case,” Sherlock murmured.
“Which one now?” John asked, setting down the tea.
“It’s not even an interesting one! I’m just bored ,” Sherlock grabbed his laptop. “I just need to… research something.”
John poured a cup of tea for the both of them. “I can help?”
Sherlock started looking on the internet for anything to do with plurality and making headmates.
“I can do it myself,” Sherlock mumbled.
John sighed. “Sherlock. I can tell something’s wrong. Talk to me.”
“I’m working, John. This is what I look like when I’m working.”
John lent down and looked right into Sherlock’s eyes. Sherlock looked back at John’s. Soft, comforting. Sherlock blinked away back to the laptop.
Something about tulpamancy… He must have heard of it before. Why did he delete that from his brain? Either way, it couldn’t have been what was going on with Sherlock because he hadn’t meant to make tulpas. Then again… hadn’t he been the one sitting there, talking to himself until someone to talk back appeared?
He blinked away from the laptop because suddenly that was more overwhelming than John’s eyes. John was still looking at him intently, waiting.
“I…” Sherlock picked up the tea and had a sip. “It’s not a case.”
John nodded. “What is it?”
Sherlock, nervous to say anything more, found himself pulling his Mind-John forward.
“You tell him,” Sherlock thought.
“What?” Mind-John replied. “How am I supposed to do that?”
“Just do it.”
Somehow, it actually worked, Sherlock flung Mind-John into the forefront of his mind and setted back to watch the show.
So that was that, then. Sherlock was multiple. It didn’t make sense. But then again, it did. It made logical sense, even. He had more-or-less unintentionally made headmates just because he needed someone to talk to; someone to bounce ideas off of; someone to keep him company. And he had made an innerworld to store his memories and store his headmates.
Apparently, psychology couldn’t fit into nice, neat little boxes. Apparently, there was a lot more to it, and Sherlock couldn’t very well ignore it now as Mind-John stumbled over his words, trying to orient himself.
“I told you so,” Moriarty sing-songed.
Sherlock probably shouldn’t have made that smug bastard. But, admittedly, he had been very helpful for cases.
“I’m you?” said Mind-John in the outerworld.
“What do you mean you’re me?” asked Outer-John.
Sherlock realised that this was not going to work. He took the control back, feeling Mind-John slip back into the Mind Palace.
Sherlock cleared his throat. “Don’t mind him…”
“Mind who?” John blinked. “Sherlock, what’s going on? I’m getting worried now.”
Sherlock’s tongue felt heavy. Yet, he couldn’t think of a lie to get him out of this one without John getting more worried.
“You know the system from yesterday?” Sherlock asked.
John nodded. “Yeah. What about them?”
“I think I…” Sherlock put the laptop and tea to the side and held both of John’s hands. “Would you still love me if I… changed?”
John looked at him for a few seconds before saying, “I think I’d love to get to know you again.”
Sherlock’s heart thumped faster. “What if I wasn’t always me, but other times I was?”
“Well, I’d get to know all the parts of you.”
“Well…” Sherlock looked down.
This wasn’t quite so hard as it had been confessing his love for John, but it was still nerve-wracking. Even though he trusted John completely, and even though he was almost certain John would still love him. There still existed some doubts, and it was hard for Sherlock to pursue something when he wasn’t 100% sure of the outcome.
Still, he pressed on. He was already this far.
“I talk to people, in my head,” he continued. “I just realised they’re people .”
“Those voices you talk about?”
“Yes, but they’re not just voices,” Sherlock looked back up again, eyes flicking between John’s. “They’ve got autonomy. Like that system.”
John took a moment to process. “Okay. Thank you for telling me.”
The nerves were still there. “What do you think?”
“I… think that it’s cool that there’s multiple of you.”
Sherlock smirked, amused by his response. “Cool?”
“Well, more Sherlock for me,” John smiled.
“They’re not all Sherlock ,” he said. “I’ve got a Moriarty.”
“You what?” John let out a little laugh.
“He helps me think,” Sherlock defended.
“Well, I’m glad,” John said, eyes still crinkled happily. “How many are there?”
“Two. Unless the other ones I’ve made are autonomous too.”
“Huh, what was making them like?”
Sherlock pulled John in to cuddle him as he explained exactly how he did it. John said he might try as well, but Sherlock doubted he had the same patience. Sherlock was relieved. It was nice to talk about as it all became more real.
They kissed each other, and Sherlock was glad he had John with him to help him investigate what was going on inside his head.