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Lighter was foolish.
If he were a better leader, no one would have died that day, or maybe even better, he would have been with his comrades at that moment and paid for his sins. But he knew better; death wouldn’t solve anything in his case, so he gave everything to atone for his past mistakes, and maybe god saw how much he was trying, because new comrades came. He is now in much better condition than when he was in the underground fighting ring. Still, he felt sometimes like a corpse that did everything to protect a loose skin on its body to call itself a human.
But then came the Proxy into his life. He thought nothing of him when they had their first meeting. It was another mission that would get done quickly. But god, did he underestimate how much this man would mean to him. He was now another kind of foolish than he was before, now it’s not that kind that makes him feel the blood on his hands. Now it was freeing in a way that he couldn’t explain.
He hated the city, felt like it was too much for him, but now he was making casual trips to a particular videotape shop, just to see one special man.
“Hi, Lighter! I would begin a good conversation like with other clients, but I know who you are here for.” Belle greeted him with a smirk on her face. “He's probably just dealing with snacks up there, so just go ahead,” as she pointed to the second floor to direct him where he needed.
“Thank you, manager.” As he went to the second floor, his heart began to beat so fast. He needed to mentally prepare himself to be sitting so near his dear Proxy.
Even though Belle said that he could just enter the room, Lighter still decided to knock on the door, just to be polite. He could hear some rambling before the door opened, and what a good view greeted him. Wise was looking up at him with a gentle smile.
“Lighter, I didn't expect you to come so early.” Wise moved so that Lighter could come in. “Sorry if it doesn’t look all that presentable,” Mentoning the snack table in front of the couch.
“Don’t worry, Proxy. Everything looks nice as it always does, and even if it didn’t, I would still like it either way.” And he was true to his words, Lighter enjoyed Wise’s room. All of the objects looked like his dear Proxy in some ways, and what a man he would be if he hated it.
Wise chuckled at his comment and just motioned for the other to sit down on the couch as he closed the door and went to pick up a movie that they would be watching today. Lighter noticed the poster on the videotape, a woman holding a man in her arms as they were both on the floor. “Is this a Romance movie? I thought we would watch something arthouse, since you enjoy it the most.” Wise always wanted to watch something arthouse, since Lighter enjoyed watching them with Wise, when no one else did.
“I thought it would be a nice break from everything else we usually look at together. Plus, it is a hit right now in the movies, and I need to watch it to give people good recommendations.” There it was. A side that he loved the most from Wise, the way he was so passionate about movies, even if the genre might not be up to his taste.
“Okay, let’s watch it then.” So Wise put the videotape in and the film began. Just by the cover, you could’ve guessed it would be a tragedy. Lighter expected just for the man to die, but what a surprise it was when both of the main characters decided to part ways with life, just for them to be together in the afterlife. Would he… do the same? Would he die to save Wise or be with him even after death? He would like that, he wouldn't take another death of something so dear to him, and if Wise would die, he would be brave to be with him when it would happen, and let the loose skin drop.
A worried voice broke all of his thoughts. “Lighter? You’re awfully quiet…” He looked at the man beside him and how anxious Wise was while trying to hide it.
“It’s okay, Proxy. I was just reflecting on the notion of dying for love. I'd love to give it a try, if I ever get the chance.”
It made Wise perk up; the man was thinking how to answer that revelation. “Yeah, I think I understand where you're coming from. It seemed very intimate when they were dying together. Maybe I’d like to give it a try too.”
Proxy dying for love? Well, that's something he wouldn’t like. The other man had so much to live for, and Lighter doesn’t even think there would ever be a human who would be honored with such love from Proxy. “Maybe, let’s wait until we're both tired of living first, okay? There is too much for you to see in the world to say the words like that.”
There was a slight pause before Wise quietly spoke up. “If I can’t say them, then you can’t say them either. Because if I have so much to see, then I would like for you to be by my side while I would be doing that.” He looked at Lighter right after those words with a melancholy in his eyes that made Lighter ashamed that he was the one who brought this topic up.
This man, who was so wonderful, brave, strong in his ways, smart, and was… everything . Thought of Lighter. Thought of Lighter in his life. To see the moments of life together with a man like Lighter. Lighter Lorenz, who killed his comrades, who was nothing, who didn’t deserve even a single puff of air. This stupid, foolish, no good of a leader, who rotted away a long time ago. God, what a man his dear proxy is.
“... I get it, Proxy. Don’t think too much about those words. The mood of the movie just got to me, plus it’s been a long day for me.” Lighter motioned to the night sky that was seen in the windows.
This revelation made Wise look at him with an ashamed look. “Ah, I’m so sorry I didn't notice it was already this late, and you also need to ride all the way back to the Outer Ring. I’ll walk you down.” Wise stood up, and so did Lighter. When they got to the parking lot and Lighter got onto his bike, Wise spoke up once again. “Sorry once again.”
“Don’t worry, but if you feel guilty, then next time, if you get the chance, I'd like to invite you out to our place so I can show you a few places. We could have some dinner also sometime.”
“I would like that, Lighter, I would love that even.” There was another silence, it seemed both of them didn't want to say their goodbyes just yet as they stared into each other eye’s, but everything had an end, as after a couple of minutes it seemed that Wise was a bit bashful and bid his goodbye to Lighter before going inside and for a glimpse Lighter saw red hot cheeks on his favorite proxy.
He stayed for another minute before finally riding into Outer Ring with many thoughts still in his mind.
Life was never easy for Lighter; he waited for the end of it for so many years, and he finally found a person whom he wanted to see at the end of it all, so he would fight for this man until his final battle, because Lighter was foolish. Still foolish. Will be foolish. Just for one man.