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The thing about Akihiko and Shinji’s relationship was that the two of them constantly pushed at the limits. There was always something new to learn about the other. Despite Akihiko having known Shinji for about as long as he could remember, he still didn't understand each little thing about him, which didn't make complete sense to him. He knew Shinji better than Shinji knew himself, and Shinji knew Akihiko better than Akihiko himself did.
At least, so he thought.
Because for some stupid, sentimental crybaby reason, Akihiko had been under the impression that Shinji, no matter what could possibly happen in life, would always be by his side. It had been like that when they were kids, so why should anything ever have to change?
That's what he thought.
Then, of course, what Akihiko was sure was the worst day of his life rolled around (though he would find that a day exactly two years later was worse, worse, worse-), and suddenly, the man who Akihiko had been so sure was fearless lost control of his persona, accidentally killed someone, and then turned and ran out of Akihiko's life faster than he'd thought was ever possible.
He'd come back.
He always came back.
…But Shinjiro didn't come back.
Akihiko found he still didn't understand Shinjiro, when he returned just a few months shy of two years after the incident. It was for Ken, not him, and Akihiko found that he didn't even understand himself anymore. After all, he had no reason to feel so sad about Shinjiro coming back for someone else. Ken was just a kid, and Shinjiro had been the one to…
Akihiko didn't get it.
He understood even less when he found out about the drugs. For about two years, Shinjiro, the person he cared about most despite everything, had been suppressing a part of himself out of… of what? Fear? Guilt? Both? And the thing about the suppressants is that slowly, over time, they kill you.
“Just drop it, Aki. It doesn't matter, ‘n it doesn't concern you.” Shinjiro had told him coldly. For whatever reason, Akihiko couldn't tell if it was worse than being left behind for two years. For now, that could go into the little box of grievances that Akihiko ran through in his mind as he beat the shit out of a punching bag.
Sanada Akihiko didn't think he could understand less, until October 4th came around- a full moon operation- and Aragaki Shinjiro as well as Amanda Ken were nowhere to be found.
Sanada heard the first shot from afar, picking up his speed via pure adrenaline. Amada, Aragaki… he couldn't lose either of them.
“Take care of him, Aki.”
Sanada held the person he cared about most in the world in his arms as he bled out under the light of the full moon.
Sanada didn't understand when Shinji woke up. He simply let himself cry as the man he cared the most for apologized, and tried to comfort him.
“God, Aki… such a crybaby.” Shinjiro teased weakly, reaching up to wipe tears from his face.
“Shinjiro, I-” Akihiko broke off with a sob, before trying again. “I hate you so much, why did you just… accept that Amada was going to kill you? And those drugs… you were trying to die. And that hurts.”
“Aki…”
Aki didn't understand when the man he cared for most in the world slowly forced himself to sit up, before kissing him. For once, though, Aki couldn't bring himself to care.