Chapter Text
The Daily Planet newsroom was, like every other day, an organized chaos teeming with reporters, photographers, and paperwork of all kinds, smelling strongly of coffee and printer ink. Voices ask and answer questions back and forth, and Perry White can be heard on the phone in his office. The clicking of keyboard typing is practically white noise at that point, like the sound of phones ringing. Jimmy Olsen walks in with a sheaf of photos fresh from the darkroom in his hands, and Lois Lane is staring intently at something on her computer, just waiting for the right moment to go for the throat. There's a mug of lukewarm coffee near her elbow, and she doesn't even move when Jimmy replaces it with another, fresh and hot, having handed the photos over to the sports desk. Perry starts yelling at whoever is on the other end of the line, and Lois grins with sharp teeth, jotting something down on a piece of paper with the satisfaction of a cat that has caught the bird. At the desk next to her, Clark Kent sighs heavily, cracks his neck, and goes back to wrestling via email with the employee of the Metropolis Department of Basic Sanitation, trying to get relevant information to his new article about the persistent existence of asbestos and lead pipes in apartment buildings instead of the usual excuses about bureaucracy and financial scrapping.
It's a typical Tuesday morning in one of the busiest newsrooms in the country. There's nothing out of the ordinary to see.
The elevator doors open and a new person enters.
She's not very tall, and she wears sensible boots, jeans, and a turtleneck under a light jacket. She has a briefcase in her arms and a bag over one shoulder. Her skin was a lovely mocha shade, her long hair was tied back in a simple braid, and she looks around with intelligent brown eyes before heading to Perry's office, knocking on the door, and entering.
“So... Any guesses who the girl in Perry’s office is?” Cat Grant asks, having sidled up next to Lois and sat on the edge of the desk. Lois catches the mug just in time to prevent Cat's butt from spilling hot coffee all over her notes.
“A source, probably," Clark opines, hitting send before turning to the gossip columnist. "Shouldn't you be working on that story of yours about the Wayne's fundraiser?"
Cat shrugs, biting her lips and frowning, somewhere between sadness and frustration. "I doubt there'll be anything to cover in detail beyond the larger donation amounts and one or two of the usual scandals. From what I heard from Vicky Vale – and you didn't hear it from me –, it's only thanks to Richard Greyson and that hard-line butler of theirs that Bruce Wayne hasn't become a complete recluse in that mansion of his. He only appears at events like Martha Wayne Foundation fundraisers and some Wayne Industries press conferences when Lucius Fox is not speaking for him. He really took the death of his youngest boy very hard.”
Lois nods and takes a sip of coffee. "Understandable. From what I saw whenever they asked about Richard and Jason at press conferences, he really loved his children."
Clark says nothing. He simply reloads his email inbox, and when he sees there's still no response from the Sanitation Department employee, he goes to get his own coffee. But even though he's on the other side of the newsroom, he can still hear the chat crystal clear.
“I was looking at Reddit last night, and damn, Batman is being more brutal than usual.” Jimmy put in his two cents from where he was sitting on the rolling stool typically used by interviewees between Clark and Lois’ desks, unwrapping a piece of gum. “They're saying the Joker is still in a medically induced coma at Arkham because his skull is cracked open like an egg, and the rest of the heavy hitters are keeping a low profile because, and I am quoting here, the Bat is one bad night away from starting a killing spree.”
Lois snorts into her coffee, setting down the mug with a thud, voice dripping with cynical sarcasm. "Of course he is, damn it. Hell, I'm more surprised he hasn't already broken into Arkham to finish the job. God knows that clown bastard deserves a lot worse than a beauty sleep.”
“I can’t disagree.” Cat nods, crossing her arms. “Poor Robin.”
Clark takes a sip of his fresh coffee, hot enough to cook an egg, and doesn't feel the taste or the heat. His thoughts are on the screams of pain and terror of Gotham's thugs – and in the horrible absence of a hummingbird heartbeat beating alongside the most thunderous rhythm of a heart whose owner was doing his best to make his city at least a little better, a little safer.
Superman can't be everywhere. And be in his medical chair getting a ray of highly concentrated yellow sunlight in his face in the Arctic because Luthor was a megalomaniac asshole who had the emotional capacity of a peach pit while a child died in a brutally violent manner when he could have helped him, saved him, would be a regret Clark would carry forever.
If he had been a little quicker to finish his fights, a little more aware of the world outside of Metropolis, if he hadn't wasted time yelling at Luthor instead of having him dragged to the nearest maximum security detention cell, Robin wouldn't have died.
What happened is, realistically, no one's fault but the Joker's. He understands that. But that doesn't stop Kal-El from regretting not having done better.
For a month and two nights, the main soundtrack of Clark's nights whenever he tuned his hearing to what was happening in Gotham has been the sounds of Batman tearing his way through the criminal underworld 140 km away on the other side of the bay. And if Clark were being honest, the only thing keeping Batman from ending up dead in an alley was Nightwing dragging him back to wherever Batman's lair was at that foggy hour of the morning when Gotham's pulluted sky turned from pitch black to the dark gray that preceded the beginning of sunrise.
Perry's door opens, and Clark turns his attention to his boss, who stops in the middle of the newsroom, the unknown woman next to him.
“All right, everyone. One minute of your attention here, please, thank you.” Perry begins, nodding when he gets everyone's attention. “Right, this young lady here is Miss Hermione Granger-Black. She worked in England at a branch of the Daily Mail, and was an opinion columnist on the investigative journalism and political pages. She moved here with us because she's pursuing a PhD in behavioral sciences at Metropolis University. For now, Miss Granger-Black will be working with a partner until she gets the hang of things. Lane, this one's on you. Please don't scare her away, her resume is too good to be wasted in the New York Times, or worse, in the Gazette.”
The newsroom laughs, and Lois gives Perry a thumbs up and says, “No promises, boss!”, which makes Perry roll his eyes and look at the ceiling as if asking for patience.
“Anyway, that's it. Kent, I want the draft of that article about lead in plumbing on my desk by the end of the day! Same for you about the Wayne Gala, Grant!” And Cat, being Cat, smiles playfully, salutes Perry, and returns to her desk, heels clicking on the marble floor.
And with that and a roll of eyes, Perry turns on his heel and marches back to his office to resume his yelling. The newsroom returns to the rhythm of work, now that the novelty – which wasn't a Pulitzer-worthy new scoop, as everyone secretly hoped – had worn off.
Hermione Granger-Black marches up to Lois with squared shoulders and a killer business smile, which is met by Lois's I-can-and-will-figure-out-all-your-shit smile, and Clark feels a chill.
And it's not a good chill.
Resigned to his fate, Clark refills his coffee mug and returns to his desk in time to catch the greetings.
“It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Lane. Your article about Superman and the impact his presence on the planet has on global politics was fascinating to read.” Hermione says, squeezing Lois' hand, before turning and doing the same to Jimmy. “And your article exposing Lex Luthor and Lexcorp regarding his and the company's involvement in the Boravia's invasion of Jarhanpur was also impressive, Mr. Olsen.”
“T-thank you.” Jimmy stammers, blushing. “But it was a team effort.”
“Still, you were the one who typed it all up while we were trying to keep from being swallowed by the rift, Jim. And you can call me Lois.” Lois says, turning in his chair again to face his new pupil, her smile growing wider, and Miss Granger-Black's professional little smile becomes more real, a touch more enchanted. Rao, these two are going to eat us alive, Clark thinks as he sits at his desk. “This is Clark Kent.”
“A pleasure, Mr. Kent. Your interviews with Superman were... enlightening.” Miss Granger-Black says, extending her hand. Clark squeezes it, barely pressing – after all, that whole world was made of fragile glass and cardboard from his perspective, since if Clark wasn't careful, he could break the planet in half. Literally. He also notes that Hermione's hand was particularly calloused, especially the thumb, palm, and side of the index finger. And those weren't pen calluses. “And call me Hermione.”
“Clark, please.”
“Oh! You can call me Jimmy!”
Clark's mug stops halfway to his mouth. He frowns, tilting his head slightly. He silences the conversation of Lois, Hermione, and Jimmy, who had given up his seat for her, and sharpen his hearing. Ignore the sounds of keyboards, the scratching of pens, the beating hearts, pumping lungs, and the world outside the Daily Planet. Ignore the electricity, the lamps, the creaking of the building's structure. Kal-El strains his ears, ignores frequencies that are inaudible even to bats and... Aha!
He wasn't hearing things. In fact, just outside his hearing range – which was impressive in itself, since Kal-El could hear a lot – there was a faint hum.
And this hum was concentrated around Lois' new intern.
r/OnlyinGotham
the OFFICIAL Gotham subreddit
ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴏɴ 08/12/2008
889ᴋ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴊᴜsᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴠɪʟʟᴀɪɴ ɪɴsᴜʀᴀɴᴄᴇ | 372ᴋ ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ ᴄʜᴇᴀᴘ ʀᴇɴᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ's ɴᴏᴛ ɪɴ ᴄʀɪᴍᴇ ᴀʟʟᴇʏ | 238ᴋ ᴀᴠᴏɪᴅɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʟᴏᴡɴ | 90ᴋ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴏᴄᴏᴅɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sᴇᴡᴇʀ ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ғᴇᴀʀ ɢᴀs ʜᴀʟʟᴜᴄɪɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ (ᴡᴇ ᴡɪsʜ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs)
Community Bookmarks
[FAQ]
[Batsignal Tracker]
[LEGAL Self-Defense Weapons]
[Other Self-Defense Resources]
[WE Approved Insurance Agencies]
[Who's in Arkham Now]
[Mafia Restaurants]
[Money Laundering Stores]
[Trustworthy in the GCPD Besides Det. Gordon]
[WE Public Services]
[The Joker]
Posting Guidelines
just because the rulebook for this hellhole of a city is burning in a dumpster doesn't mean this subreddit is the same
r/OnlyinGotham Rules
1. Must be Gotham related
2. No breaking reddit TOS
3. No advocating for/inciting violence
4. No posting personal info/doxxing
5. No jokes about the Wayne Murders
6. No advertising/promotion
7. Flair up
→ Non-Gothamites must identify themselves. Unflaired users will be given three (3) warnings, then banned. Posts must also be flaired appropriately.
8. Normal crime reports must be confined to the weekly crime report thread.
9. Sports discussion must be limited to game day threads
→ NO advocacy for hurting, murdering, OR kidnapping and replacing players no matter HOW incompetent they may be. You WILL be banned.
10. No Bruce Wayne creep shots!
→ The guy is CLEARLY autistic, agoraphobic and REALLY REALLY anxious around strange people and crowds. He barely leaves his house as it is. So leave him AND his kids FUCKING ALONE. This includes paps – the butler is brit and has a gun. He can and WILL fire if any camera comes near the mansion.
11. Thirstposting must remain PG-13
→ This includes the rogues gallery. We don't want someone to end up dead AGAIN because they got too close to Catwoman, Poison Ivy or god forbid Harley Quinn. If you want to take a chance with the Joker, that's YOUR problem.
12. RESPECT THE WAYNE'S MOURNING!!!
→ Pay your respects to Jason Wayne from FUCKING AFAR!!! Bouquets, wreaths, stuffed animals, letters of support, and the like should be addressed to WE's PR department. It will reach the Waynes in due time.
13. For the love of all that's holy, STAY OUT OF BATMAN'S WAY!!!
→ If you're a petty criminal who DOESN'T want a one-way ticket to Gotham General's emergency room with no release date with at least half of the bones in ya'll bodies snapped like twigs, you MIGHT want to consider getting off the streets for a while, folks. The Bat is this 🤏 away from legitimate murder, which is actually understandable. Any tributes to Robin can be left on terraces or rooftops – you can be sure that Batman and Nightwing will see them in due time. NOTE: we don't normally condone any incitement to violence here, but... Well, given the situation... We think the Joker is fair game if you're bold enough.
Sort by top — Sort by all time
u/gothamthefirst [GOTHAMITE] • 8 yr ago 📍
[THE BAT] First day on duty
↑81M | 57.2k comments
thread
u/hellsbells21 [GOTHAMITE]
This deserves to win a World Press Photo holy shit
u/my-cat-me-and-our-dog [GOTHAMITE]
My God
u/linxtwinkx [GOTHAMITE]
Nah, dude it's not god. Gotham is too fucked up for that. It's Batman.
u/GothamGazetteBOT [realnews] • 8 yr ago
[GOTHAM NEWS] The criminal known as THE RIDDLER was captured by Batman and handed over to the GCPD authorities accused of being the author of Carmine Falcone's murder. After trial, EDWARD NASHTON was taken to Arkham State Hospital where he will be held indefinitely while awaiting transfer to the Blackgate Maximum Security Prison. More at the article link [HERE]
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u/GossipGazette [teaspiller] [GOTHAMITE] • 8 yr ago
[PRINCE OF GOTHAM] Our dear elusive Bruce Wayne is spotted distributing food, water, first aid kits and clothing at a humanitarian aid station near the Gotham General. Asked why, the Gotham Billionaire says: “It’s just my duty as a citizen. Wayne Industries will also be assisting with sheltering those affected by the floods.”
(Photo taken during the post-flood days of Gotham in 2022 – shows an 18-year-old Bruce Wayne clearly exhausted and barely able to stand, with bags under his eyes and edges of bandages showing under his sweatshirt sleeves standing behind a counter made of bar tables piled high with items to be delivered to flood victims, amid other volunteers on the go. One of his fingers is in a plaster cast, and he's wearing industrial noise canceling headphones. He's handing a small stack of plastic-wrapped blankets and a first aid kit to a woman in tears of gratitude with a soft smile.)
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thread
u/yourshawarmaguy [GOTHAMITE]
Thank you 🫶 Bruce Wayne! Without you and WE, me and my family wouldn't have a roof over us, clothes on our bodies, medicine for our pains and food in our bellies right now! May the light of Allah fall upon you!
u/annoypatoy [visiting-relatives-in-gotham-and-caught-in-the-flood]
In a we shelter rn w/fam all alive & safe Bruce Wayne def is the #1 and ONLY $$$$$ we respect in this house
u/chikhenlittle [GOTHAMITE]
Hell yeah bro
@FoxNews(✓)
ELON MUSK BOUGHT TWITTER | After months of negotiations and setbacks on both sides, South African billionaire Elon Musk and Twitter's board of directors have reached a 44 billion dollars agreement for ownership of the company and social network. [LINK TO THE ARTICLE]
#twitter #elonmusk #foxnews #billionaire #socialmedia
BREAKING NEWS: Terrorist attack in Gotham causes destruction of city's seawall and causes flooding of unprecedented proportions | The number of civilian casualties cannot yet be calculated | The Bat is seen assisting rescue teams and the evacuation of risk areas | Wayne Enterprises announces humanitarian aid to victims of Gotham tragedy ahead of any statement from the New Jersey government |Emergency shelters open in Metropolis and neighboring cities around Gotham....
u/GothamGazetteBOT [realnews] • 8 yr ago
[NIGHTLY NEWS] The presentation of THE FLYING GRAYSONS at the Haly's Circus ended in disaster and terror just hours ago, when a technical failure caused the couple Mary and John Grayson to fall fatally during a daring performance. According to the circus owner, the show was being performed without a safety net due to artists' choices. The cause of the Greysons' fall is still being investigated by authorities. Their only son, Richard Grayson, survived and is currently in the care of GCPD Detective Gordon. More at the article link [HERE]
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u/GossipGazette [teaspiller] [GOTHAMITE] • 8 yr ago
[PRINCE OF GOTHAM] In a written press release through WE's PR Department, Bruce Wayne announced this afternoon that he has taken custody of Richard Grayson, only son of the Flying Graysons – the couple passed away last Sunday in a tragic accident during their performance. Richard Grayson – now Wayne – is 8 years old, 10 years younger than Bruce Wayne himself (18), and although we know that this is an extremely young age for such a responsibility to be assumed, the #GossipGazette team would like to extend their condolences to young Richard and assure him that, despite his new guardian's youth, he can rest assured that there is no one in Gotham City more trustworthy than Bruce Wayne to care for him and ensure that he grows up safe and healthy now that his parents are sadly no longer with us. When asked about leaving one of their own behind, Mr. Haley said that.... [SHOW MORE]
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(www.gothamgazettenews_official.blog.com)
DEATH IN THE HALY'S CIRCUS: NEGLIGENCE OR SABOTAGE?
by Warren Spencer, Crime Editor
December 24, 2022 – 09h32min
As we all know by now, this past weekend a terrible accident occurred at Haly's Circus, resulting in the death of two of the troupe's main performers, the acrobat couple John and Mary Grayson. As police investigations continue, it has been discovered that the ropes on the trapeze acts used during Grayson's Death Defying Show were frayed, some even showing signs of snapping. Witnesses say they saw a man whose descriptions match the appearance of mafia boss Anthony 'Fats' Zucco approaching Mr. Haley's trailer last Friday...
u/barbie-&-stacy [GOTHAMITE] • 7 yr ago
Hey, look who we bumped into at the park! Thanks, Bruce, for letting my Stacy play with your Richard today! And thank you, Mr. Pennyworth, for taking the pic! We should do this again sometime!
(Photo taken by a third party of a blonde woman who really looks like Barbie with a brown-haired girl in a ponytail on her hip, both happily smiling to the camera with the same closed-eyed expression. Beside them, Bruce Wayne – with fist-sized eyebags under his runny eyeliner, worryingly pale skin, and the look of someone who might drop dead at any second, wearing a baggy set of sweatpants and a tracksuit that have seen better days under a thick snow jacket a good three sizes too big for him and a pink cap with I 🖤Gotham embroidered on it, definitely something his kid made him use – holds a McDonald's coffe thermos cup the size of a small bucket with one hand and Richard Wayne at chest height by the back of his collar with the other, very reminiscent of a mother cat holding her kitten. Richard is waving and smiling enough for the camera to make up for his adoptive father's deadpan expression – he's also missing a front tooth.)
↑42k | 1.2k comments
thread
u/yelocalboglady [GOTHAMITE]
Holy shit this is ADORABLE?!?! but Bruce, honey, you REALLY should take a nap. That amount of bad coffee can't be healthy.
u/pennycoin_00 [GOTHAMITE]
RIGHT?!?!
u/batwatcher [GOTHAMITE] • 7 yr ago
[THE BAT] Okay, we all agree that the Batman's our local cryptid/demon from hell, right? Right. Sooo... I was peering through my good binoculars the other day (relax, I was safe and out of the way) and... I THINK Batman can reproduce??? I mean, holy shit 😬 Criminals beware, cuz by the maniacal giggles, the hellspawn looks like they can and will maul you to death.
(A photo taken with a shitty smartphone camera, a little shaky and full of blur. It shows a street in Gotham – possibly in the Narrows, but it could also be Crime Alley – dimly lit by the full moon and the lights of the surrounding buildings. It shows an amorphous black shape that may or may not be Batman, and a blur too colorful to be a piece of Batman's cape, both swinging between buildings.)
↑309k | 6.9k comments
thread
u/shakyshaky [GOTHAMITE]
lol bro you'll never be u/gothamthefirst
u/batwatcher [GOTHAMITE]
Hey, give me a break, motherfucker. Not all of us can catch Batman going slow enough to get a good shot.
u/shakyshaky [GOTHAMITE]
...
fair
u/GothamGazetteBOT [realnews] • 7 yr ago
[DYNAMIC DUO] BATMAN & ROBIN successfully took down the Uptown Assassins drug trafficking ring last Tuesday night. Among those arrested is PINKY LITTLEFIELD, who the GCPD says is the gang leader's right-hand man and the main drug trafficker operating in Crime Alley. More at the article link [HERE]
u/midtownlittlelady [GOTHAMITE] • 7 yr ago
[I SPY GOTHAM VERSION] Sooooooo... I don't know HOW to say this without sounding like an Arkham escapee, but... Watch out for those manholes and sewer grates, guys. There's some HUGE shit down there, and I swear I saw a tail.
thread
u/catastrophizinganxious [GOTHAMITE]
YOU TOO?!?!?!?!?
u/batwatcher [GOTHAMITE] • 7 yr ago
[THE BAT] Soooo... Uh. Apparently Batman is just a tired dad??? AND WHY IS HIS HELLSPAWN WITHOUT PANTS???? I HAVE ✨SO MANY QUESTIONS✨
(Photo taken with a shitty smartphone camera, not shaky but still with some color blurs – what appears to be a young fae child in colorful clothing and elf slippers, wearing a domino mask and cackling like Stitch in that scene in Lilo & Stitch, standing on top of a pile of unconscious goons. A shadowy figure is sort of emerging from the Shadow Realm a bit out of frame, and it appears to be facepalming.)
↑21k | 3k comments
thread
u/shakyshaky [GOTHAMITE]
your pictures still suck, but damn you're right. welcome to fatherhood, Bats. the brat looks happy as a clam tho
u/batwatcher [GOTHAMITE]
Uuuhhh... Thanks for the compliment (???) But yes, wonder kid is really happy and that's good for them. I just wish they would put on some pants and, honestly, some better shoes.
u/GCPD_official [it's Gordon] • 6 yr ago
[PUBLIC SAFETY] There's an Arkham breakout happening RIGHT NOW and the #GCPD is URGING the civilian population to STAY SAFE. The #GCPD advises the population to LEAVE THE STREETS, and if citizens are far from their homes, to seek shelter in safe places such as the WE Food Banks. The GCPD law officers would like to thank the public for their collaboration.
↑543k | 24.6k comments
thread
u/BatsignalTrackerBOT [ACTIVE]
BATSIGNAL ON BAT ON SCENE
X Topics
#BATMAN
trending w/ #ROBIN, #DynamicDuo, #DarkKnight, #GothamCryptid, #hellholeofamerica, #WonderBoy, #capedcrusader, #GothamFloods2022, #batfurry, #batsignal, #MCR, #localemochoosesviolence, #vengeance, #fear, #hope
923k posts
#ROBIN
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#CANCELOLIVERQUEEN
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440k posts
u/gothamthefirst [MOD] • 5 yr ago
[VILLAIN ALERT] Everyone, be careful when you go out, especially at the docks and near Arkham. There's a gang of clowns operating there, and my friend at the GCPD said the leader is definitely a guy who escaped from Arkham a few years ago and has kept a low profile until now – probably because he was building the gang. So buckle up, folks, cause unfortunately for us, the killer clown trend is here, and it looks like it's here to stay. In the below, there are lists for stores that ACTUALLY sell good security systems, martial arts gym with discount on the annual fee, online shopping sites for... [READ MORE]
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thread
u/midtownlittlelady [GOTHAMITE]
Aw man
u/shakyshaky [GOTHAMITE]
are you fucking kidding me?
u/yelocalboglady [GOTHAMITE]
Shaking chickens furiously for protection
u/catrastogettinganxious [GOTHAMITE]
Suddenly Metropolis seems very attractive. I vote we move.
u/gurkingpickles [GOTHAMITE]
And lose the student scholarship I got at GU thanks to WE's university aid? NO FUCKING WAY buddy
[MORE]
u/GossipGazette [teaspiller] [GOTHAMITE] • 5 yr ago
[PRINCE OF GOTHAM] Bruce Wayne and his son, Richard, have confirmed their attendance at the WE Charity Ball, chairing the first fundraiser for the newly formed Martha Wayne Charitable Foundation. The Martha Wayne Foundation seeks to ensure the continued provision of aid to Gotham's needy community, thus ensuring that services like the WE Food Banks and the newly opened housing complexes in Cobble Hill are provided not only by Wayne Enterprises, but also by the city's high society. Read more [HERE]
↑499k | 18k comments
thread
u/gothsus [GOTHAMITE]
bombastic side eye
u/batflagged_1 [GOTHAMITE]
On the day that people like Silver St. Cloud REALLY show that cares about the poor, I French kiss the killer croc living in our sewer
u/midtownlittlelady [GOTHAMITE]
Please don't. You're gonna get eaten, man.
u/BatsignalTrackerBOT [ACTIVE] • 5 yr ago
BATSIGNAL ON GCPD ON THE WAY BAT AND BIRD ON THE WAY
thread
u/GCPD_official [it's Gordon]
Robbery at the Wayne Charity Gala by the Penguin Gang. Batman, Robin, and the GCPD have everything under control. Thank you for your patience.
↑201k | 2.3k comments
r/GothamGazette_official📰 • 4 yr ago
[CITY NEWS] The humanoid crocodile spotted roaming Gotham's sewer systems in recent years has been confirmed to be sapient – meaning it's rational like us. It has not yet been confirmed whether Killer Croc – the nickname given to him by the people of Gotham on social media – is a result of scientific experimentation or whether he is a citizen who has undergone a mutation in his metagene. More at the link [HERE]
Despite what one might expect of him, Harry Potter does not die in a blaze of glory.
If asked, Death of the Endless would say that it was a little disappointing, if emotional, as he gave his own life to defeat his foe to save those he loved.
And she would also say that what came next was hilarious, after all...
It wasn't every day that someone was literally destined – hah! – to welcome her with open arms, only to slip through her fingers.
And no, Hob Gadling doesn't count. For he never, not really, knew her.
Still laughing, Death sits in her house with a bucket of popcorn and turns on the TV.
When Harry wakes from the dead, he only doesn't get up swinging thanks to Narcissa Malfoy practically holding him down. She is kneeling beside him, hands on his chest and hunched over him in a way that hides him from the expectant eyes of Voldemort and his Death Eaters, Hagrid's desperate cries still audible even through the gag Bellatrix conjured on him. He looks at her and she looks back at him, and Narcissa's nails dig into his jacket so hard he swears he feels the sharp edges on his skin.
“My son, my Draco.” She whispers, barely audible under her breath. “Is he alive? In the castle?”
There is only one answer that will not result in Harry being shot with an avada at close range for the third time in his life and second time in a row. Please, you fucking ungrateful ferret, be fucking alive.
“Yes.” He breathes, and Narcissa gets up. Harry immediately closes his eyes and goes limp, trying to play dead, praying that Voldemort wouldn't look too closely and notice Harry's chest moving.
“Dead!” She shouts to the waiting crowd, and Voldemort's goons immediately go wild, screaming and cheering, even throwing sparks into the air.
Holy shit, what a bunch of brainwashed bastards.
Harry goes even more limp when Hagrid is coerced into picking him up so that Harry can be carried up to the castle to be displayed as the ultimate trophy of a psychopathic serial killer – which was basically Voldemort's main descriptor from the time the guy was still wearing Tom Riddle's skin.
And just when he thinks this shit can't get any worse than it already is, after almost an hour and a half of Harry playing possum, Voldemort decides to give a damn villain speech.
A fucking villain speech, man.
No. Just... No.
“Alright, that's it. I'm done.” Harry says, brazenly throwing himself out of Hagrid's arms and landing with perhaps more grace than someone who was clinically dead not even two hours ago should. Grinning with all his teeth, he puts his hands on his tilted hips, looks straight into Voldemort's eyes and, "Maybe try harder next time, daddy.”
Watching fucking Voldemort go through the five stages of grief in under twenty seconds while everyone else loses their collective shit is absolutely glorious.
Harry legitimately thinks he can get a tangible Patronus just from the memory and the feeling of satisfaction of seeing dear old Tommy having a rage apoplexy, all with a hilarious eye twitch.
Seriously, he deserves congratulations.
And just to be an even more annoying little shit, he fixes his eyes on the enchanted bubble containing Nagini, focuses his magic like it's a needle – a neat little trick he'd read about in one of the old magic tomes Hermione had borrowed from the library at Grimmauld Place, where if you shoot what was basically a bullet made of magic at a single point of a shield spell, said spell would shatter like glass on impact – and fires it at that spot in the bubble he was staring at. There's a high-pitched buzzing sound as described in the tome and...
The bubble bursts in a cascade of shimmering shards and a flabbergasted Nagini falls to the ground with a clatter.
Harry could feel Hermione burning a hole in the side of his head she was staring at him so intently – since, you know, she was the one who had one of the two front row seats to watch Harry perfected that counterspell that was basically just willpower, magic, and stubbornness. The other seat remained empty because when Ron left, leaving Harry and Hermione behind again because he wasn't happy with their circumstances, wasn't accepting that things weren't and wouldn't be the way little Ronnie wanted, they both agreed they wouldn't welcome him back. Ron had already been given two chances, and he'd wasted them both. And after what he'd said to Harry, practically rubbing it in his face that he didn't have a family, neither Hermione nor Harry would give him a third.
“You little cockroach, I'm going to kill you.” Hisses Tom, absolutely foaming at the mouth, and as he dashes to duck behind some debris as the battle reignites around him, Harry wonders if Tom will do them the favor of dropping dead from an attack of what was left of the fucker's heart if Harry angers him enough.
Hm. Something to consider.
“Like I said, try harder, old man!” He shouts above the hiss of flying spells and people screaming. Harry sees a flash of green out of the corner of his eye, and grins ferally when he sees that it is indeed Nagini trying to crawl to safety now that her safety bubble is gone.
During their mad dash for the Horcruxes, during a quick stop in an unnamed town to buy some food and water that wasn't wand water that tasted like wet wood, Hermione – in a happy coincidence that had definitely consumed all their good luck for the rest of the month – had found The Guardians of Childhood book series in a Red Cross donation box. Hermione being Hermione, she packed up the books and later lay down with Harry under a fort of blankets and pillows in the middle of the tent to read to him under the Lumus he lit for her. And if there was one thing Harry learned from those books, it was that all magic was based on belief.
And Harry believed he could kill Nagini without a damn ancient magic sword coated in basilisk venom just as, ever since his holly wand broke, he believes he can cast wandless magic just as well – if not better – than with one.
He looks at the snake preparing to pounce on him, sees Voldemort approaching out of the corner of his eye, searches his reasonably accurate memories of the books in the Black library and, like the reckless idiot the old dungeon bat accused him of being, Harry leaps at Nagini, rolling on the ground with the bucking snake, his hands barely managing to catch the maledictus – and if that hadn't been a funny discovery, since who knew that old Tommy's pet snake was more like him than anyone would have expected – by the throat, the enormous body of the monstrous constrictor wrapping itself around him to squeeze him to death. Baring his teeth, magic boiling through every drop of blood in his body, Harry digs his nails into Nagini's scales and:
“Lux Diabolica!”
Being classified as the most powerful spell among gray magics – since it is light being used to destroy –, Lux Diabolica is as much or more powerful than a Fyendfire, and more controllable in comparison. The problem is that if the caster wasn't focused on maintaining the spell or was too magically weak, it would consume them whole – this spell, unlike Lumus Maxima and Lumus Solem which merely invokes two different levels of intense illumination, literally channels light in real time directly from the nearest star to the spell caster through their body – and the closest star to Harry is a yellow dwarf popularly known as the Sun.
It was a good thing Harry was too stubborn to die, huh? Haha.
Blinding white heat explodes across the castle's front courtyard with Harry at its epicenter, spreading across the land like a wave of scorching brightness, practically vaporizing the horcrux beneath Harry like tissue paper thrown into a volcano while leaving all others relatively untouched, if not tanned.
Within seconds, Nagini is nothing more than ash, and as he stands and rubs the back of his hand across his cheek – leaving a black smear on his skin – Harry is filled with vengeful satisfaction as the portion of soul sealed inside her dies screaming.
He turns to Tom, snorting when he sees him getting up from behind a low wall. He's somewhere between pissed, outraged, and flabbergasted, staring at Harry with his lipless mouth contorted like a caterpillar, veins popping out all over his scaly bald head, and just to see the old snake-face squirm even more, Harry smiles dripping with sweetness and innocence at him, as if he hadn't just obliterated with his own hands the last thread preventing Voldemort from rotting in the Shadow Realm as he deserves, raising a hand and giving him a peace sign.
“Sup, boomer.” He says, and bolts away cracking up as Tom explodes in rage, cussing Harry's persistent refusal to stay dead, launching a barrage of curses in Harry's wake.
In response Harry snaps his fingers over his shoulder and his heart warms when he hears Tom scream as he is caught in the blast.
He spins on his heel, stopping his run when he deems he's far enough away from the main fight and Tom – who is definitely still chasing him – and kneels on the ground, pressing his hands in the grass and dirt of the lawn between the steps to the castle entrance and the herbology greenhouses. Tommy-boy appears at the top of the slope, nostrils flaring with fury, the Elder Wand flashing in his hand, and he smiles when he sees Harry kneeling as if he had fallen from exhaustion.
“That little trick of yours was your undoing, Harry Potter.” He says, slowly approaching. Stepping on the grass.
“Actually...” Harry replies, digging his fingers into the soft earth and letting his magic overflow, soaking the ground beneath him. He remembers the crazy week before Bill and Fleur's wedding, and Hermione lecturing him and everyone around about Dr. Pamela Isley's contributions to modern science and her fight for environmental preservation, and how unfair it was that she was arrested just because she wanted a better world. “That was just my warm-up.”
The ground trembles and vegetation sprouts.
“You know, Tom, Dumbledore never told me he was fattening me up to be a sacrificial lamb.” Harry tells him as roots shoots out and wraps themselves around Tom’s body, abruptly lifting him into the air and shaking him until he drops his wand. Tom opens his mouth, probably to curse wandlessly, but a cluster of grass tendrils wraps around the lower half of his face and gags him tightly. “At least, not until the last possible second. And the old bastard didn't even have the courage to tell me this himself – he forced Snape to pass on the message after your ring killed him, can you believe it?”
The roots tighten around Tom, wrapping around him like a pack of male snakes around a female in heat. The only thing still in sight were the terrified eyes of Harry's killer.
“Albus Dumbledore trained me to be a people pleaser for him.” Harry concludes, pulling his hands out of the dirt and standing up. He walks over to Tom and presses a finger between his wide eyes. “And trees are practically immortal if left alone, you know? So, since you want to live forever so badly... Be good and pay the planet back for all the oxygen you wasted, okay?”
When Harry finally backs away, climbing the slope back to the castle – after all, he still has a rat infestation to get rid of – all that remains of Tom Riddle Junior is a pale yew tree.
And if he takes care to step on the Elder Wand to break it before a handful of roots pull the pieces deep into the earth, vanishing with that thing forever, no one need know.
r/ThisIsMetropolis
Everything happening in Metropolis in one subreddit!
Created on 09/23/2009
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We're not in Gotham, folks! Please keep your posts organized by topic, be polite to others and follow the community guidelines! They're there for a reason!
r/ThisisMetropolis Rules
#1 Only topics relevant to the Metropolis community
#2 No breaking reddit TOS
#3 No advocating for/inciting violence
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> Unless it's about Malik's Falafel.
#6 Flair up
> Dear visitor, please identify yourself if you want to make a post for the Metropolis community. Unflaired users will be given three (3) warnings before they were banned from the subreddit. Posts must also be flaired appropriately. Thanks.
#7 Normal crime reports must be confined to the weekly crime report thread. In the event of an alien invasion, the community bot will post a warning with links to the standard procedures page to ensure the safety of the population.
#8 Sports discussion must be limited to game day threads
> Please refrain from falling into ragebaits from our fellow Gothamites on games between the Metropolis Tigers and the Gotham Knights. We're better than that, guys.
#9 Do not commit cybercrimes, you will be banned and reported to the relevant authorities.
#10 Thirstposting must remain PG-13
> This includes any pics of Superman taken from behind, and anything about Jimmy Olsen and Lex Luthor.
#11 Any posts and threads about Lexcorp should be flared appropriately
#12 Any posts about Green Lantern's truly regrettable haircut will be removed
Sort by top — Sort by all time
u/Metrobombastic [Metropolite] • 3 yr ago 📍
[SUPERMAN] Remember the big guy in blue from last month? So he smashed that robot guy again. And apparently his name is Superman.
(A group of five reasonably high-quality photos taken in sequence, showing a flying blue and red blur grabbing the villain calling himself Metallo off the street. It shows Metallo's expression changing from viciously amused to surprise, to shock, and then to screams of rage in the first four images. Only the villain's feet are visible in the right upper corner of the frame in the last picture.)
↑1.2M | 7.9k comments
thread
u/glorymolly [Metropolite]
He saved my life! Thank you Superman!!
u/floripe [Metropolite]
Seriously, what's the problem with that green guy? What a jerk.
u/$o4P [Metropolite]
💯
u/birdwatcherbill [Metropolite]
Does anyone have a good picture of the bird girl from the Justice Gang? I want to see if her wings have any correspondence in nature.
[MORE]
u/DailyPlanet_News [OFFICIAL PROFILE] • 3 yr ago
[STAFF] It is with immense joy that the #DailyPlanet editorial team welcomes Clark Kent to our newsroom. Reporter Kent will join our investigative journalism team, which currently consists of Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter Lois Lane and news photographer Jimmy Olsen. Welcome to the Planet, Clark!
↑866k | 2.4k comments
thread
u/sunpetals🌻[Metropolite]
LOOK AT THOSE DIMPLES HOLY SHIT
u/fireteethUP [Metropolite]
I see u and i cant enlight it enough his eyes r fkng bb blue
u/sunpetals🌻[Metropolite]
I'm 🫠
u/metrogossip [TABLOID] • 3 yr ago
[LUTHOR] Following his infamous, heated breakup with Gotham socialite Silver St. Cloud, Lex Luthor was spotted at a Lexcorp-hosted charity ball with model Fleurette McGinnys on his arm. Sources report which is not yet a serious relationship, but some of Fleurette's closest coworkers say that... [READ MORE]
↑560k | 9k comments
𝓘𝓷𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓶
YOUR STORIES (+)
@Lane_Lois🪐
🤍 457 🗨️ 25 🔄 5
cameraguy_📸 👏 CALL 👏 HIM 👏 FOR 👏 A 👏 DATE 👏
Lane_Lois🪐 How many times do I have to tell you that we are just friends?
cameraguy_📸 uhm. friends. put the guy out of his misery, lane. it's painful to look at u 2 @crabclark
crabclark Seriously, Jimmy. We really are just friends.
cameraguy_📸 I give up on you
Lane_Lois🪐THANKS
(read more)
2 days ago
BREAKING NEWS:
Boravian Defense Forces breach Jarhanpur borders
BBC NEWS | 34 minutes ago
Government of Boravia breaks the longest period of peace in the Middle East in a decade by invading Jarhanpur
FOX NEWS | 23 minutes ago
Superman intervenes in the invasion of Jarhanpur
DAILY MAIL | 13 minutes ago
LIVE UPDATE:
President of Boravia Vasil Ghurkos agrees to Superman's request and orders his armed forces to withdraw from Jarhanpur territory immediately
THE NEW YORK TIMES | Broadcasting live
X Topics
#SUPERSHIT
trending w/ #traitorofamerica, #worstman, #supersus, #LexLuthorisalwaysright, #LexLuthoristhebestbillionaire, #gobacktospace, #illegalimmigrant, #alieninvasion, #metropolis, #boravia, #jarhanpur
900M
#CANCELOLIVERQUEENAGAIN
trending w/ #goddamnitollie, #someonesendhimtorehab, #atleastitsnotanewsextape, #itsnotascomfortingasyouthink, #royalscandal, #starcity, #queenconsolidates, #IstandwithmycancelledwifeOliverQueen
892k
#NIGHTWING
trending w/ #BATMAN, #ROBIN, #Gothamcity, #hellholeofamerica, #areyousuretheyrefromthere?, #assofamerica, #bigbird, #ohnobatmandidagain, #contortion, #humansshouldntbendlikethat
493k
u/EmergencyAlertBOT [PUBLIC SAFETY] • 30 min ago
🚨 VILLAIN ATTACK IN MIDTOWN! 🚨
Citizens on site must evacuate IMMEDIATELY and seek shelter as quickly as they can!
For the nearest emergency shelter, click [HERE]
For evacuation routes, click [HERE]
For emergency services, click [HERE]
To contact the Justice Gang, click [HERE]
↑780k | 3k comments
thread
u/SilverSpaguetti [Metropolite]
HE WANTS SUPERMAN!!!
u/dungeonmaggot [Metropolite]
Oh fuck, I knew that thing of his in Boravia would come and bite us in the ass
u/flowerstallion [Metropolite]
You idiot thousands of people would DIE if Superman hadn't intervened
u/valentinow [Metropolite]
Yeah, but Superman didn't think much about the consequences of what he did, did he? Exhibit 1 just threw a parked car on the next block
[MORE]
r/OnlyinGotham
Sort by hot
u/gooberhoover [GOTHAMITE] • 10 min ago
[MEANWHILE, IN METROPOLIS] u know... I kind of feel sorry for the big guy
↑339k | 8.7k comments
thread
u/spottedgal [GOTHAMITE]
ouch that must have hurt like hell
u/theresidentbirdwatcher [GOTHAMITE]
If he lived in Gotham with us, this ^^^^ would never have happened
u/spottedgal [GOTHAMITE]
💯💯💯💯💯💯and Batman would take care of him sooooo well
u/theresidentbirdwatcher [GOTHAMITE]
OH NO NOT TODAY SATAN I'M NOT GOING TO RARE PAIR HELL TODAY NOPE 🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅
[MORE]
BREAKING NEWS: Superman is defeated