Archive of Our Own

One day, far, far away in one of the most remote regions of the cosmos, without any prior warning signs, the most magnificent star that had ever been fathomed simply implodes. The implosion of this star in particular is in no way accidental, in fact the circumstances around this cosmic event are a tale worthy of a story of their own, but that story is not the one that is currently being told. 

Now, back to the story at hand, it is a well known fact that every star in existence is nothing more than the condensed collection of the potent residual magic left over from the universe’s creation, and this most magnificent star was no different. There is no point in describing the strength of the magical force generated in the epicenter of this implosion’s resulting supernova, as it was as incomprehensible to the human mind as it is possible to be. 

The remnant magical shockwaves, however, could be described to a human as the equivalent of the combined efforts of hundreds, if not thousands, of mushroom bombs being detonated in rapid succession as they traveled their way across infinity. All universes both known and unknown were affected in some way by these shockwaves. The havoc they wrought ranged from catastrophic in the more nearby universes, such as the dissolution of necessary magical foundations leading to complete universal collapse to nominal in the more distant universes, such as a barely perceivable magical blip to those existing within said universe. 

Magical blips are, generally speaking, not a cause for great alarm in and of themselves. They happen all the time, doubly so to those living within universes that fate has determined to have regular access to the magic with which they were made. They are those things which are as easy to write off as they are to forget about, unexpected little abnormalities that are usually, but not always, harmless. 

The unsettling sensation of feeling a new experience has already happened, a long forgotten artifact suddenly appearing years later lying under an old elm tree, a stag inexplicably waking up one day with an insatiable craving for sugar… all magical blips, and all, theoretically, harmless. It is rarely the blip itself that causes harm, but rather how those impacted by the blip handle its effects. 

…and the blip that was eventually caused in one cozy little universe by this most magnificent implosion of this most magnificent star nearly a whole infinity away was not handled very well at all. 

“What was that Hunter? You’re kind of breaking up,” Fionna said, holding the phone closer to her ear as she did her best to hear his words over the impatient, grumpy little noises of the growing line of customers on the other side of the counter. 

“...with Simone… big problem… I left work to help…” Hunter’s voice came out between bouts of static. “...she says she’s…” 

“She said she’s what? Hunter, I can hardly hear you…” she said with a frown that had nothing to do with the increasingly fussy noises from the line of customers before her. 

Hunter rarely called her at work, and she was starting to get very, very worried. The last time had been when Cake had gotten her head stuck in that treat jar, and while her mind had first jumped to her cat it seemed this problem had something to do with Simone, which somehow worried her even more. He repeated himself at the exact same time one of the customers called out, and she missed his words again. 

“Um, excuse me, how much is this sandwich?” the customer asked stupidly, holding up a wrapped sandwich from the convenience store’s cooler, the price sticker right next to his thumb. 

“Don’t your glasses work? The price is right on the wrapper!” she turned to snarl at him before returning her attention to the phone, her tone immediately softening. “Can you repeat that again, honey?” 

“Simone… stuck in a quandary…” Hunter repeated, and Fionna gasped. 

“She’s stuck in a quandary?!” she asked, nearly dropping the phone in shock at the thought of her favorite scrawny old lady trapped at the bottom of a stone pit. “How did she fall into a quandary? Is she hurt? You’ve got to get her out!” 

“Helping her out now… don’t know why phone lines… not working properly…” Hunter said more, but the loud sirens of emergency vehicles traveling outside the store obscured the few staticky words that could make it through. “...Simone blamed it on a loose arrow… I have to tell you so much in person… don’t take bus… will drive you home…” 

“Can you ring me out?” another customer interrupted before being caught in the heat of her fiery glare. 

“CAN YOU STOP BOTHERING ME??!! WHAT DO YOU THINK SELF CHECKOUT IS FOR!” she hollered, pointing a finger at the self checkout machine in the corner that nobody seemed to want to use. 

“I don’t like using those machines…” the customer began timidly before quickly changing his tune as he took in her glare. “On second thought, maybe they’re not so bad..!” 

“I’ll leave work now and walk to you if I have to,” Fionna said, one hand already reaching behind her to untie her apron, but Hunter’s next words had her hesitating. 

“...leave work early again, you’ll be fired!” his choppy words made her frown deepen, because they were true. “...I’ll come pick you up at the normal time…” 

Despite what were in her opinion excellent customer service skills that more than made up for it, her attendance had her on very, very thin ice at this job. One more point against her would be enough to do her in, and no matter how badly she hated working here, rent was coming up pretty soon and that really couldn’t be late again. 

“But, Simone needs me,” Fionna said sadly. 

“...let me try to handle this… trust me…” Hunter said more comforting things that were drowned out by static, and while it would have been nice to hear them all, she didn’t need them to be persuaded. 

It was hard to trust someone else with such an oddly unique task as aiding an elderly nerd out of a very deep hole, but she supposed if she trusted anyone to get Simone out of that quandary it would be Hunter. For one, he was way stronger than her, and for two her shift was over in just another couple of hours. If Simone was still stuck when he picked her up, certainly she’d be able to think of something to help.

“I love you,” Fionna said into the phone, more blaring sirens from outside drowning out Hunter’s staticky response, and then the line went dead. 

Before she could even wipe a single tear from her eye a customer interrupted her sad, sad moment to inform her the slurpee machine was out of large cups, and her sigh turned into a groan. This was going to be a very long couple of hours. 

As soon as her shift was over Fionna all but ran from the cash register, spying the car her and Hunter shared already waiting for her in the parking lot when she exited the doors. 

“Fionna, I need to tell you something important-” A slightly frazzled-appearing Hunter began when she slid inside, but she was already speaking. 

“What was Simone even doing in a quandary?!” Fionna immediately asked, and Hunter blinked a few times as she stared imploringly at him. 

“Ummm… Fionna… I don’t think that word means what you think it means,” he said slowly, and she frowned at him. 

“Of course I know what a quandary is! It’s like a big, deep pit they dig rocks out of,” she said, and he cleared his throat uncomfortably. 

“I think you’re thinking of a quarry,” he said, and it was her turn to frown. 

“Oh,” she said, her face going a tad red. “Well then what’s a quandary?” 

“It’s like when you don’t know what to do in a difficult situation,” he said before reaching over and taking her hand. “At least that’s what she told me. I didn’t know what that word meant, either.” 

“Thanks for that,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze. “It would be so much easier to understand her if she didn’t use all those fancy words. So, what was her problem? Were you able to help her out with it?” 

“Er, a bit,” he said before hesitating slightly. “The trouble is that her problem is, well… kind of me.” 

It was unbelievable in and of itself that after all she had been through in life she could still find anything unbelievable, and yet here she was, sitting in a stationary car in their apartment building’s parking lot, her brain struggling to process the story that had just come out of Hunter’s mouth. 

“Do you want me to explain it all again?” Hunter asked kindly as she stared wide-eyed at the dashboard, displaying an incredible show of patience as he had already explained it all five times over on the drive home, and then two more times as they sat in the parked car together. 

“No, I… I think I’ve got it,” she said, tearing her gaze away from the dashboard and blinking a few times from the dryness. “A magical blip brought a different version of you into our universe, and when he realized he couldn’t leave he started freaking out and shooting arrows everywhere, and so Simone called you to babysit him while she figures out how to get him back home..?” 

“That about sums it up,” he said, and she nodded slowly, realizing this to probably be the reason why there had been so many emergency vehicles driving around today. 

“And this other version of you is inside our apartment now?” 

“Er, I hope so. I was gone longer than I thought,” Hunter said nervously. “I was super clear with him not to leave, but he doesn’t seem to be one for conversation… I’m not entirely sure I got the point across to him at all.” 

“Well, let’s not keep him waiting any longer,” Fionna said, finally unbuckling her seatbelt. “I… think I’d like to meet him. He can use a little friendship and kindness, it sounds like he’s been through a lot today. I’m glad we’re able to give him a place to stay.” 

“He’s really, really weird, Fi,” Hunter warned in a very serious tone of voice, and she spared him a little smile. 

“Yeah, I think you mentioned that like a hundred or so times,” she said as she got out of the car. 

“I mean really, really, really weird…” he continued to murmur warnings in her ear as she walked to their door. 

“Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time,” she said absentmindedly as she turned her key in the lock. 

“Wait,” Hunter said, grabbing her hand as she reached for the doorknob. “I just want to warn you-” 

“Hunter, that's enough!” Fionna said irritably, pulling her hand away from his and throwing open the door. 

For some reason she had envisioned this other version of her boyfriend to be standing casually in the living room adjacent to the doorway waiting patiently for their arrival, and so she was a bit put out when she saw nobody at all. After a quick scan of her surroundings she took a step inside, and no sooner than her foot made contact with the floor did she faintly feel a rope tightening itself around her ankle. 

A scream tore from her throat as she was abruptly yanked upside down, and she twisted and flailed in the open air, catching sight of a pair of shining green eyes watching her from a shadowy corner of the room. 

“What the junk?!” Fionna hollered as Hunter frantically pulled at the rope to try to free her, but the knot securing her in place proved itself far too complex. 

The green eyes watched her unblinkingly for a moment before emerging silently from the shadows, and as she dangled helplessly she watched the man come into view. He was very large, and very green, and… holy moly… he had… he had antlers…

Whether it was from the shock of this realization or the blood rushing to her head she did not know, but that last thought preluded everything fading into black. Fionna did not wake until some time later, groggily finding herself curled up against Hunter on the couch. She was comfortable and warm and thankfully no longer upside down, and when she yawned luxuriously she was pleased to see Cake was snuggled up right against her side. 

She reached down and stroked her fur absentmindedly as she slowly opened her eyes. 

“You’re awake? How are you feeling? Does your ankle hurt?” Hunter’s questions came in rapid succession as soon as he realized she was awake, it taking Fionna a second to even sleepily remember what it was he was referring to. That wild green man felt like something right out of one of her wildest dreams… in fact, she was pretty sure he had dreamed of someone like him once. 

“I’m fine,” she settled on, yawning again. “Don’t worry, the rope thing just scared me. It didn’t hurt.” 

“That’s a relief,” he sighed, a hand coming in to stroke her hair in a way very reminiscent of how she was currently petting Cake. 

She was still drowsy, and her mind began to wonder as she enjoyed it. It was kind of funny, she thought. Hunter’s petting her… she’s petting Cake… if only Cake could pet him with her little paws, then the circle would be complete… she wondered if there was a cat trainer somewhere in the world who could teach her how to do such a thing… she probably couldn’t afford it even if there were…

“Did you hear that? She said she’s alright,” Hunter’s voice called, pulling her out of her lazy trail of thoughts. 

“Huh?” Fionna asked before a start ran through her as she caught sight of those vividly green eyes blinking at her from the far corner of the room. 

“I haven’t been able to get him to leave you completely alone this whole time,” Hunter muttered under his breath. “He just wanted to stare at you while you slept… it was so creepy…”

“Is he… trying to hide behind that curtain..?” she whispered back, and he shrugged. 

“It was the furthest I could get him to go,” he said, and she straightened herself up on the couch, wondering why on earth this man wouldn’t want to leave her alone with Hunter, of all people. Was this strange, alternative Hunter somehow jealous of her Hunter? Actually, come to think of it, was his name even Hunter? 

Whatever his name was, as the seconds ticked on he seemed content to just lurk in the shadows and watch, and she cleared her throat as she debated addressing him directly. 

“Um, excuse me… uh… hi,” Fionna said, meeting his eyes and giving him an awkward half-wave from across the room. He didn’t return her wave, she couldn’t really blame him for that, but his eyes did meet hers in an unblinking stare that made the little hairs on the back of her neck prickle. 

“Can I talk to you?” she tried, to which he gave a barely perceptible nod of his head… well, she may have been imagining it, but she decided to go with it anyway. “What’s your name?” 

“You call me Hunter Wizard,” the green man, apparently named Hunter Wizard, said. 

She blinked in surprise at that, although she wasn’t sure what about that statement surprised her the most… that he would dub himself a wizard, or that it was allegedly she herself who had christened him with that title. 

“I couldn’t have named you that. You must be thinking of another version of me, like how you’re another version of him,” Fionna said, pointing to Hunter on the couch. “Does this other version of me look just like me, or something?” 

He nodded, and she found this strange. She didn’t understand why Hunter would look so different in this other world and not her. It almost didn’t feel fair, and she wondered more about this strange world he came from. She wanted to hear more about it, but while he seemed undeniably interested in her he did not appear to be well-versed in conversation. 

“Are there any other similarities besides the way I look?” she prompted. 

“No,” he said, and she frowned, feeling as though he must have somehow misunderstood her question. 

“Do you really mean to say, in the whole entire world that you just came from, the only similarity is me?” 

“Yes,” he said, and for some reason, this made her feel very, very sad. 

Fionna shared a concerned look with Hunter, but neither of them quite knew what to say about that. Maybe he wasn’t leaving her side because he was jealous, she realized. Maybe it was just because she was the only piece of familiarity he could find in what must be to him a very strange, very confusing world. 

“Oh wait, you said you’re a wizard, right?” she asked, as eager to change the subject as she was to see an example of magic. 

“Yes,” he said. 

“Can you show me some magic?” she asked excitedly, wiggling her fingers at him to demonstrate.

“No.” 

“Simone tried to explain that to me when she asked me to keep an eye on him,” Hunter supplied. “Our world isn’t connected to magic in the same way as his… whatever he could do before is inaccessible to him here, it’s why he’s trapped.” 

“Without magic how is he going to get home?” Fionna asked, and Hunter shrugged. 

“Well, I guess that’s her quarry,” he said innocently, it taking her a few moments to even realize he was making fun of her. 

“Hey! You jerk!” she said, her face turning red. 

As soon as he caught sight of her blush he smiled at her in obnoxious satisfaction, and without even thinking about it she gave him a shove. This playful little shove, she quickly learned, was the wrong thing to do as before she even realized he had moved Hunter Wizard rushed over and grabbed her beneath the arms to yank her up and away from Hunter. 

Everything went crazy for a moment, with Fionna flailing wildly as she found herself being suddenly lifted off the couch, Cake jumping away from the commotion with a disapproving yowl, and Hunter nearly finding himself getting kicked in the face by Fionna’s kicking feet not once, but twice. 

“Hunter, no, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Fionna said as soon as she regained her bearings, brushing off his hands as he tried to grab her to pull her back. The wizard was holding her against his chest in a way that was both awkward and protective as he glared down at Hunter, and somehow she felt she understood.

“There’s nothing okay about him just snatching you up like that!” Hunter said angrily, and she shook her head. 

 “I just don’t think he approves of us wrestling, do you?” she asked, turning to direct her question at Hunter Wizard, whose eyebrows scrunched together in confusion at her words. Being pressed up close against him like this, there were a few things she couldn’t help but notice, like how warm his skin was compared to hers. It was hot, almost as if he had a fever, and while he didn’t smell bad, he did smell very, very different than she expected… almost like a forest. 

“Wrestling?” he asked, finally diverting his glare from Hunter to again look her in the eye, and if she didn’t know better she would think him only capable of one word responses. 

“Like… pushing each other around?” she asked slowly. “You… you didn’t like that, did you?”

“I did not.” 

“I take it we don’t act like that in your world? You know, you and I?” she asked, and she saw the first flicker of emotion cross his face. Surprise. 

“I would never hurt you,” he said immediately, and she gave him a little smile. He didn’t seem to be able to see her and whatever version of her he was used to as separate people, and instead of being offended, she found it oddly sweet. He sure was weird, but maybe she was starting to see a little bit of her own Hunter in him, too. 

“He would never hurt me, either. We were just messing around,” she tried to explain before squirming a bit in his arms. 

“You can see that I’m fine, so can you please set me down?” she asked, feeling mildly surprised when he did just that, depositing her back on the couch without another word.  

For some reason, Fionna felt as though Hunter Wizard would continue to hold her indefinitely if she hadn’t spoken up. His hands were a bit too familiar with where to grab her, he supported her weight suspiciously well, and she wondered if he spent a lot of time carrying around this other version of her. While she wasn’t sure why this might be, she was eager to find out all she could from him. 

She was sure he could tell her the most fantastical stories she had ever heard, but all he seemed to want to give her was one or two word responses to her questions. It was apparent that while he could speak clearly to her he was not a social creature by habit, and he even slunk back toward the shadowy hallway leading out of the living room now as if to demonstrate just this. 

“Thanks for talking with me Hunter Wizard, um, we can always chat again anytime you feel up to it about whatever you want… and make sure you let me know if you need anything,” Fionna said kindly in an attempt to make him feel more comfortable in his temporary home. He made no reply as he backed his way into the shadows until he disappeared completely.

“I did try to warn you that he was weird,” Hunter said, throwing an arm around her once he was gone. She snuggled back against him, Cake returning onto her lap from wherever she had run off to hide after a few moments. 

Fionna let her head slump over on his shoulder as she enjoyed cuddling him. She replayed the conversation in her mind, wondering what the heck they had gotten themselves into. She opened her mouth to ask Hunter his thoughts, but before she could speak these words out loud a strange shuffling sound coming from the hallway the wizard had just disappeared in made Hunter quickly jump off the couch, Cake again yowling in loud protest. 

“Oh god, I think he’s trying to climb into the bathroom ceiling again,” Hunter said as he hurried in the direction of the sound. “I caught him doing it twice before you got home…” 

“Like a raccoon?!” Fionna blurted out, and she caught a flash of Hunter nodding as he too disappeared down the dark hall. 

“Exactly like a raccoon!” 

~*~*~*~*Meanwhile, in Aaa~*~*~*~

“I have a confession to make,” LSP sighed, dropping his spoon into the can of beans he had whacked open on one of the stones surrounding their makeshift fire pit.

“A confession?” Ellis P. gasped, his eyes going wide. “Lay it on me! Well, after you pass me those beans…” 

“Here you go, my dear friend,” LSP said, handing off the beans at once and watching fondly as the other man gobbled down spoonfuls of cold beans. “You know, Ellis, this last hour since I found you wandering around this forest has been… the most wondrous hour of my life.” 

“I couldn’t have said it any better myself,” Ellis agreed, and LSP shook his head. 

“But you could! Out of everyone here in this wide, sad, uninteresting world, you are the only one who is capable of meeting… nay… dare I say even exceeding my own level of distinction. It’s uncanny, it’s slightly unnerving, if I didn’t know better I would say we are-” 

“-nearly the same person,” Ellis finished for him, his eyes sparkling. 

“Almost… but not quite,” LSP said, biting his lip as he collapsed down on a rock by the fire. “For I have a confession to tell you that will unravel these bonds of friendship we have forged through the trials and tribulations we have together faced. I beg you to remember the good times… like the time we made this fire.” 

“And the time you whacked open this can of beans…” Ellis said with a somber look down at the can in his hand. 

“And the time I whacked open the beans,” LSP agreed with a sad shake of his head. “But my confession cannot wait any longer, I’m afraid. It’s only right you know, I’m not actually a simple forest hobo… I’m really a… a… a prince,” he finished dramatically before bursting out in sobs. 

Ellis ate one more quick spoonful of beans before setting the can down and scooting over to give his friend a few pats on the back. 

“What’s wrong with that?” he asked, and LSP looked over at him as if he had lost his mind.

“What’s wrong? How can you ever look at me the same way again, like an equal, while knowing I’m actually a prince is what’s wrong!” LSP exclaimed. 

“It’s not a problem because I have a confession to make, too…” Ellis said slowly. “Back in my world we don’t have princes, but… I’m probably the closest thing to royalty there is.”

“Really?” LSP asked, and Ellis nodded. 

“I’ve got a heart of gold, I’m loved and cherished by all,” he listed off. “And I can even talk to animals. I’m pretty sure if you add that all together, it makes me a prince, too. In fact, I’m sure the whole place has fallen into shambles without me there… I can only imagine the size of the search parties out looking for me even right now.” 

“Well… hmmm…. I suppose…” LSP hesitated, his face thoughtful as he contemplated this before suddenly perking up. “That you’re absolutely right! We are princes!” 

“We’re princes! We’re princes!” Ellis chanted as LSP found an old foil food wrapper lying on the ground to shape into a crude circlet. “This is the happiest day of my life!” 

“And here is your crown! Let us go inform all the lowly commoners!” 

*~*~*~*~*~*~Back to the human world~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Geez… tired much?” Fionna asked as Hunter collapsed fully clothed onto his side of the bed next to her. 

“More like exhausted,” Hunter mumbled into his pillow. “You have no idea how much trouble that wizard gets himself in. I’ve been chasing him around all day putting out the fires he sets…” 

“Literally?” Fionna asked with a start, and Hunter gave a little half-shrug. 

“Figuratively… well… there was that one in the kitchen, but it was small, and I’m pretty sure it was an accident…” he said. “Don’t worry, I unplugged the toaster so it won’t happen again.” 

“Can’t he just plug it back in?” 

“Nah, I don’t think he understands how electricity works. He really likes playing with the kitchen appliances though, even when they’re not plugged in. We need a new blender, by the way.” 

“Did he like the bed I made up for him on the couch?” she asked, nudging him a bit with her foot when he didn’t immediately respond. 

While Fionna had gotten the bed ready for him, he hadn’t seemed to understand what she wanted him to do with it when she took his hand to lead him there. She even went as far as laying down on it herself to demonstrate, to which he only covered her with the blankets. It was clear he understood it was a place to sleep, but for some reason it was like he only thought she should be the one sleeping there, as if he had never crashed on a couch before. 

After she had gotten frustrated she had left Hunter to the task by excusing herself to go get ready for bed, but it wasn’t clear to her if he had been successful or not.

“Huh? Oh, well, I dunno,” Hunter mumbled drowsily after she nudged his butt a few more times to wake him up. 

Hunter followed up this unhelpful statement with a low snore, and Fionna hopped out of bed to go check on the wizard herself. She found the couch empty, the blankets looking exactly as they had when she had left them, which she immediately found strange. She wasn’t sure she was entirely expecting to find the wizard fast asleep, but Cake couldn’t resist a nest of fluffy blankets laid out on the couch. 

Where was that cat? And… where was the wizard? Fionna searched the apartment, which didn’t take very long as it was not at all large, finding nothing amiss except for… 

“Oh no,” she breathed when she found the window cracked open. 

Panic rose in her as she peered outside to see the shadowy outline of the wizard in the distance. She nearly clambered out of the window herself to bring him back home, but the little flick of a shadowy tail brushing against the wizard’s leg stopped her. 

“Cake?” Fionna asked herself, squinting to make out the little figure flitting between the wizard’s legs as he walked. 

It was Cake! The same cat who turned into a snarling, hissing beast when she tried to put her on a leash and take her for a walk stepping in stride with him almost as if they were old friends. She bit her lip, hesitating only slightly before turning to go back to bed, leaving the two to go on their little nighttime stroll in peace. 

Fionna couldn’t explain why, but for some reason she felt like everything would be okay as long as Cake was keeping an eye on him, and in the morning when she woke up to get ready for work she found this to be… mostly true. Hunter was still asleep, and so she tiptoed out of the room, not making a peep until she stepped on something small, wet, and squishy. 

“Bleh!” Fionna hissed in disgust as she lifted her foot and looked down at the dead mouse Cake had left waiting for her outside her bedroom door. She hopped on one foot to the bathroom, trying to keep the wet sole of her foot elevated until she nearly collided with a… a… “EEK!”  

There was a thump from the bedroom as Hunter fell out of bed, and then a scurrying followed by two more thumps as he sleepily ran to the door before throwing it open. 

“Fionna what’s wrong?!” he blurted out, clutching onto the door for support as if he had just barely caught himself from tripping again over his sleepy legs. “Oh, it’s just a mouse…” 

“It’s not the mouse!” Fionna shrieked from down the hall, her eyes going wide as they stared fixedly at the gruesome thing splayed right outside the bathroom door. “It’s… it’s… it’s half a mangled deer, or something! EEEEEEEK!”  

All in all, it was a very alarming way to wake up, but once they found Hunter Wizard and Cake fast asleep together curled up in the hedges right outside the apartment door it was… strangely hard to be angry about the mangled deer carcass in their hallway anymore. 

“I think he was… just trying to copy Cake…” Fionna said as they looked down at the wizard and cat snoring from the doorstep. “I guess they’re friends now.” 

“That deer was a gift..?” Hunter asked slowly. 

“I think he was saying he appreciates us letting him stay here, in his own way,” she said, and he shrugged. 

“Whatever you say,” he said, and then, “Maybe you should have been the one Simone called to look after him. You understand him way more than I do.” 

Fionna laughed, although she wasn’t entirely sure if he was joking about her understanding his own self more than him. She stood up on her tiptoes to pull him down for a quick kiss instead of replying before hurrying to the kitchen to throw together a quick breakfast before work. She didn’t know how Hunter Wizard liked his eggs, nor how many he liked to eat, but she did the best she could. As her Hunter could eat an easy half dozen in a single sitting she set aside a few varieties for the wizard before setting off to catch the bus to work. 

“Oh, you’re awake,” Fionna said, noticing the wizard’s open eyes as soon as she stepped out the door. He was still on the ground by the hedges, Cake fast asleep perched on his chest like a fat rooster. “Your breakfast is inside, um, if you’re hungry,” she added when he didn’t begin to get up, realizing for the first time she didn’t actually know if he ate. 

She noticed his branch-like antlers again and wondered if he just absorbed rays of the sun like a tree, or something. Perhaps instead of scrambling and frying him eggs she should have been filling a watering can. Well, if that were the case, she was sure Hunter had some plant fertilizer around here somewhere…

“She’s sleeping,” Hunter Wizard said, his eyes sliding down to the sleeping cat on his chest. 

 “If you’re waiting on her to wake up to move you’ll be here all day,” Fionna said, crouching down to their level and picking her fat, lazy cat up. “Wake up, Cake.” 

The cat cracked open an eye to glare at her before wincing when she planted a few kisses all over her little kitty face. 

“Your breakfast is inside, too-” was all she got out before the cat squirmed out of her arms in a sudden rush to get to her food bowl. “There we go, problem solved. See ya later, I’ve got to catch the bus for work.” 

Hunter Wizard got up out of the dirt, although he seemed more interested in silently following her to the bus stop instead of heading inside for breakfast. Her Hunter came out right before the bus came to drag the wizard back into their apartment by the back of his cloak with one hand, his phone pressed to his ear with his other. 

“I’ve got Simone on the line, she says she’s made some big advancements in her research on the blip,” Hunter said as he dragged the wizard away, and her jaw fell open. 

“What advancements?!” she asked as the bus pulled up, and Hunter shrugged, adjusting to pin his phone to his ear with his shoulder so he could drag the increasingly persistent wizard away with both hands.

“I dunno Fi… lots of big words… I’ll fill you in after work,” he said between huffs, the wizard struggling against him with more determination as she stuck her foot in the bus’ doorway to prevent it from closing without her on it. 

“Make up your mind, lady… you getting on or not?” the bus driver, a very tan elderly woman with an impressive brown mustache wheezed. “Old Mrs. Starchy wants to get this route over with so she can go on her break…” 

“Your break can wait a minute!” Fionna barked up at her before quickly turning her head to watch Hunter attempt to wrestle his wizard version away. 

“Just go Fi, you standing there is making him more upset,” Hunter grunted, wrapping an arm around the wizard’s neck and half-climbing onto his back. “It’s like dropping a toddler off for daycare, just go… huh?” Hunter tilted his head more to the side to listen closely as Simone repeated something on the other end. “And Simone says to be on the lookout for anyone missing! She thinks there’s a good chance the magic blip might have worked two ways!” 

“You mean someone from here got sucked into his magic world?!” Fionna gasped, her gasp turning into a cry of pain as Mrs. Starchy the bus driver tried to close the bus door on her foot. 

“Maybe!” Hunter said, and then, “Fi, just go!” 

“Fine! Bye!” Fionna hollered before stomping on the bus, glaring at the driver as she trekked down the aisle and plopped into a seat. 

Fionna silently fumed at the unfair necessity of being forced to maintain a job for the better part of the day, more than half of her shift passing her by until she recalled Simone’s request for her to be on the ‘lookout’ for someone missing. There wasn’t much she could do while trapped inside the convenience store for the next several hours, but she supposed she could ask around a little bit. 

The first teenager she asked couldn’t hear her question over the blaring earbuds lodged deeply in both their ears, the next customer was an old man who shouted back at her something about his hearing aid batteries being dead, and finally, a middle-aged woman who wouldn’t stop gabbing into her phone to listen to a word Fionna had to say. 

Why was it that when she actually wanted to talk to people they’re suddenly too busy, or too old, or too self-centered to respond?! 

“I freaking hate people!” Fionna yelled at the next customer as she angrily tossed the woman’s receipt, which she had rudely left laying on the counter after specifically asking for it, in the trash. She realized about half a second too late that this perhaps might not have been the best greeting, but then she breathed a sigh of relief as she saw the familiar fangy grin she knew so well. 

“Bad shift?” Marshall Lee asked in that smooth, unfazed way he liked to speak, and she sighed heavily. 

“More like bad day,” she admitted. 

“Want to get out of here and talk about it?” he offered, and although skipping out on work to complain his ear off about all her problems was undeniably tempting she knew well and good she needed to stay put. 

“Nah, they’d probably fire me,” she said, and he scoffed. 

“Pfft, like that’s ever stopped you before.” 

“Yeah, well, I’m more mature now! Hey, quit laughing, ya jerk!” she fumed before realizing he had set nothing down on the counter for her to scan. “Wait, you’re not even buying anything?! Did you come in here just to try to get me to dip out with you?” 

“Can’t blame me for trying,” he said with a shrug, and she nearly threw her scanner at him to get him to leave, but then hesitated. Marshall may be an immature, bad influence, but he was also one of the best sources of local gossip she had ever met. 

“Have you heard of or noticed anyone missing within the last day or two?” Fionna asked, her question catching him off guard. 

“Huh? Oh, hmm,” he said before seeming to think for a moment. “No, I haven’t seen any search flyers anywhere, and I think I’d have heard about it in passing if anyone important had gone missing.” 

“Well then you’re no use to me. Unless you’re going to buy something, and I know you don’t have any money, GET OUT!” she hollered. 

“Make me?” he asked with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows, and she absolutely hated the way she could feel her face heating up as if in reward for his ridiculous behavior. 

“I said OUT!” she repeated even louder, sternly pointing at the glass door across from the counter with one finger before it seemingly shattered at her word, the store erupting into chaos as the glass shards fell. 

“Oh my god!” a customer near the door screeched, her purchases clattering on the ground noisily as she dropped them in shock. 

“What was that green streak through the air?!” another customer yelled. 

“Hawk! Hawk in the convenience store!!!” somebody else screamed as the bird made a grand loop of the store’s interior, knocking over displays of sunglasses and bags of snacks as it went. “What’s a hawk doing in the city?!” 

“It’s not a hawk!” Fionna yelled over the chaos, somehow immediately recognizing the distinctly green eyes of the bird as those belonging to the wizard as it landed on the counter between her and Marshall. “It’s… it’s an overgrown pigeon! It’s probably just been, uh… eating all the protein bars in the trash can by the gym!” 

Marshall looked like he was about to say something, but then the hawk let out an angry screech and began pecking furiously at him. 

“Agh! Damn, Fi! Is this bird yours?!” Marshall asked as he backed away, throwing up his arms to protect his face from the ticked off hawk. 

“Okay, everybody out, we’re closed!” Fionna hollered instead of replying. 

She hurried out from behind the counter to throw open the remains of the door, her shoes crunching on the broken glass with each step as she directed customers out. The hawk squawked and pecked at anyone who tried to double back for any dropped items, and soon the store was empty. The moment the last customer ran out screaming she turned around to glare at the bird, unsurprised to see the wizard standing in the center of the mess that was once a thriving convenience store. 

“I thought you said you couldn’t do any magic,” Fionna said by way of greeting, and he brushed a few stray feathers off his shoulder before replying. 

“I didn’t think I could at the time,” Hunter Wizard said, and she nodded once before looking around at the upturned shelves and littered debris all over the floor. 

“So, do you have a spell to clean this place up?” she asked hopefully, and he shook his head no. 

“The connection’s gone,” he said, and she sighed. 

“Figures,” she grumbled, taking off her apron and tossing it on the floor to join the mess. The wizard stared down at her crumpled apron for a moment without comment, as if he wasn’t entirely sure what was happening or how to proceed, and she felt another pang of guilt for how confusing this all must be for him. 

“It’s okay, I was bound to be fired soon one way or another anyway,” she said kindly, stepping forward and taking his hand to lead him out. “Let’s go, HW. I’ll call Simone once we get back and tell her your magic returned for a minute… maybe it’ll help her get you home.”

Fionna gave his hand a little squeeze before walking out of the ruined store, and smiled when he returned the gesture as he followed. It was almost sweet, she thought, that both versions of her boyfriend had never had any trouble following her around wherever she directed them to go. 

“Maybe you can’t turn back into a hawk or clean a ruined store, but do you feel any other ties to the magic?” she prompted as they walked, and he was silent for a moment as if he were thinking very hard on this. 

“Actually… I think I do,” he said before raising the back of her clasped hand to his face. Her first thought was that he was about to plant a kiss on it, and the gesture was so romantic her face immediately flushed, but then all he did was give her skin a good, long sniff. 

“Huh?” Fionna asked, raising an eyebrow at him as he gazed deeply into her eyes, his expression impossible to read. 

“Your menstrual cycle will begin in three day’s time,” he said flatly, and she wrenched her hand away with a noise of disgust, her eyes growing wide. “What? It’s true.” 

“Nevermind!” she quickly said, burying her hands deep in her pockets to keep them away from his nose as they began their long walk back to her apartment. 

She didn’t want to risk him smelling anything else on her, but thankfully even if he did he offered no further elaboration to his statement as they walked. While he seemed aware she was uncomfortable, he didn’t seem to understand why, and she felt his curious eyes on her more than once as they navigated the crowded streets. 

There were people everywhere, although the vast majority of them appeared too involved in their own lives and problems to pay Fionna a second glance, let alone even notice the incredibly out of place man following along closely behind her. She found herself wondering how differently everyone else looked in the world where the wizard had come from. He had said everything was different there except for her, as if she were some kind of universal constant or something, and to her… this just didn’t seem fair. 

If Hunter got green skin, antlers, and magic she felt the least she deserved was laser beams coming out of her eyes so she could blast away annoying customers at will. That, or maybe the ability to grow super tall and squash her bosses like an ant when they threatened to fire her. Or, better yet…

“There you are!” Hunter’s frantic voice pulled her out of her reverie, her pleasant stream of thoughts leaving her immediately upon taking in the coating of dirt covering both him and her squirming cat clutched under his arm. They weren’t far from their apartment, but from the look of things her boyfriend and her cat had rolled through the dirt the whole way there instead of walking. 

“Hunter?! Cake?! What’s going on?” Fionna asked, grabbing Cake from him and brushing off a clump of grass and a few stray flower petals from her head. 

“What’s going on is she’s in league with him,” Hunter said, pointing an accusing finger from Cake to Hunter Wizard. “She knocked over a lamp, on purpose, and when I opened the door to bring out the broken pieces she bolted. I was so busy chasing her around I didn’t even notice he slipped out the door to follow you until he was already long gone.” 

“Hunter, that’s, er…” Fionna hesitated, glancing from her filthy cat to the silent wizard beside her, who were sharing a knowing sort of look. Her argument for how impossible them being in league together died in her throat, and instead she resecured her cat under one arm so she could gently take her boyfriend’s hand. “That’s awful. I’m sorry this naughty kitty put you through all that trouble. If it makes you feel any better, I think her having to take a bath will be punishment enough.” 

“I’m just glad she’s safe,” Hunter said with a sigh, taking her hand in turn and allowing her to lead him back home. “He didn’t cause any problems for you at work, right? You’re not supposed to be off this early.” 

“Umm… it was… nothing major,” Fionna lied before remembering the reason behind him being able to achieve the hawk-like form he had wrecked the interior of the convenience store in. “Oh, but his magic did come back for a second! It’s gone now, but we’ve got to let Simone know right away!” 

“Hmm, that’s very interesting, and if true completely scraps my last theory,” Simone said through the phone some time later. There was the scratching of a pen and scuffling of papers on her end for a moment before she made a thoughtful noise. “Hunter, can you put Fionna on the line?” 

“Sure, I think she’s done taking care of her scratches… she had to give Cake a bath… one second,” Hunter said, finding Fionna outside the bathroom and trading off the first aid kit for the phone. 

“Oh! Simone, great! Hey, Simone, can I use the same cleaner I use on the countertops on cat scratches?” Fionna asked. 

“What?! Don’t do that!” Simone immediately said, before adding, after a brief pause, “Why are you asking me that?” 

“Aren’t you a doctor, or whatever?” Fionna asked with a shrug. “It said online to clean it, but it didn’t say what kind of cleaner to use…” 

“A mild topical cleanser, such as your regular skin soap will be fine,” Simone said before heaving a sigh. “And for the last time, I’m an antiquarian.” 

“So you’re not a doctor?” 

“Well, technically I am, but my degree is purely academic,” Simone said. “There’s a difference.” 

“Whatever you say,” Fionna agreed, shrugging at Hunter when he mouthed a silent question as to what Simone was talking about. 

“Back to the matter at hand, can you tell me exactly what happened when the wizard’s magic returned? I am trying to find a correlation, something that can help us bring him back home.” 

“Oh, um, it happened right as I was kicking that Marshall Lee out of the store,” Fionna said, watching Hunter’s face twist into a jealous frown beside her at the mention of the other man’s name. “He came in to pester me as usual, and one second I was yelling at him to get out, and the next a hawk was chasing him out the door, pecking at him the whole way.” 

“Hmmm… that’s exactly what I needed to hear,” Simone said after a moment. There was the shuffling of book pages on her end of the line, and a few thoughtful noises as she read. “Maybe… just maybe… but it’s so simple…”

“Um… maybe what?” Fionna asked, unsure if Simone even remembered she was still on the other end of the line. 

“Maybe the best solution is also the simplest,” Simone said, which did nothing to further enlighten her. 

“Erm… could be,” Fionna said for lack of anything better to say. 

Simone said a few more cryptic things, but she didn’t catch them, as she was distracted by Hunter miming that dinner would be ready in a few minutes time. Even without magic the wizard had proven himself to be an adept hunter, providing them with an entire leg of some… giant creature… from… well, she didn’t know where exactly he had been storing it, either, but he had it readily available at the mention of dinnertime. 

“What do you think?” Simone asked in her ear, and Fionna shrugged, her mind still on dinner. 

“I think I need to send Hunter up to check that hole he made in the bathroom ceiling,” she said, wondering just how many random animal bits he’d find that the wizard had stored up there. 

“What? I mean about my suggestion,” Simone said, and Fionna frowned, realizing she had missed something important. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, can you repeat it? I don’t think I understood,” she said quickly, preferring Simone to believe her to be stupid rather than downright rude. 

“Well… I guess the root of all magic is a difficult concept,” Simone said before clearing her throat. “When you get down to it, Fionna, all magic really is is the essence of extraordinary. The amazing things in our lives that are nearly impossible for us to put into words can all be broken down into different categories of magic. Wizards differ from humans in their ability to understand and harness certain types of this magic. Are you following along?” 

“I guess, but… how do you know this?” she asked, this for some reason being the only question she could bring to mind. 

“Just because we can’t access this magic in our universe doesn’t mean we can’t study it. It just means it’s technically classified as a theory, but that doesn’t mean it’s inherently untrue. Why, I remember one expedition many years ago where we were all stranded in the desert with nothing but a canteen of cranberry juice, a broken harmonica, and half a bushel of soybeans that had already begun to sprout. If it wasn’t for my dear colleague knowing the theory behind continental drift and realizing that therefore we were searching the wrong section of the desert-” 

“Er, Simone, you’ve lost me,” Fionna interrupted faintly, and Simone gave a little laugh. 

“Forgive an old woman’s rambling,” she said before clearing her throat. “The point is, you’ll just have to trust me that I believe I have found a solution to bring Hunter Wizard home.” 

“Alright, I trust you,” she said. “Just tell me what I need to do.” 

“All you need to do is to kiss him,” Simone said, and Fionna’s eyebrows immediately shot up. 

“That’s… that’s it?” Fionna asked, finding herself agreeing with Simone’s first statement, that this solution was far too simple. She felt as though she should be scouring dungeons for talismans, or waiting to do a full moon ritual, or really just doing anything that took far more time and effort than something as mundane as walking up and planting a kiss on his mouth. 

“That’s it,” Simone confirmed. “Certainly you don’t have a problem with it, or… do you?” 

“No, it’s not that,” Fionna said, frowning as she tried to find words for the way this made her feel. “It just doesn’t seem… um… special enough to give him his magic back. I mean, I just have to kiss him? I kiss Hunter like a million times a day.” 

“That doesn’t make it any less magical,” Simone said. “I believe the magic emitted from the strong surge of emotion that follows this kiss could be enough to power the spell he needs to get home, just as the protective surge he felt when seeing you argue was enough to fuel him taking the form of a hawk for a short time. While he may not be able to connect to the magic all around him in this world as he could in his home, I think it could be possible that he can still utilize that magic which is intrinsically created within his own self.” 

“I… I understand,” Fionna said, and somehow she did. 

While maybe she didn’t understand every single large word the other woman used, she understood the underlying message clearly. She somehow had the power to simply… kiss him away. She should be feeling relieved, but for some reason she couldn’t help but feel like the act was oddly cruel, as if it were abandoning him in some way. 

Sure, he was a little troublemaker, but so was Cake, and she wouldn’t kiss her away just because she caused some problems. Were the burdens caused by someone she loved even real problems, anyway? She’d rather deal with the issues Cake caused than banish her away with a kiss, and now that she was thinking about it in this way, she felt the same way about Hunter Wizard. 

Maybe he could be happy here. She would gladly put in the work needed to make it a more suitable place for him to live. She could have Hunter patch the hole he made in the bathroom ceiling, and she could get another job just to afford a special meat fridge for him to fill up with whatever he wants. Then maybe his weird need to scavenge would be satisfied, Cake wouldn’t have to lose her new friend, and they could all focus on learning how to be a family together. 

The thought left her with a feeling of comfort beyond words, and after she got off the phone with Simone and entered the kitchen to see Hunter attempting to teach his wizard counterpart how to use a spoon this warm comfort she felt only seemed to grow greater. 

“There you go, you’ve got it,” Hunter said encouragingly as Hunter Wizard awkwardly stirred the bowl of stew sitting in front of him, spilling some of it over the side of his bowl. “That’s fine, that’ll happen sometimes… Oh, hey Fionna! Did Simone figure anything out?” 

Fionna swallowed dryly as she found herself caught between the gazes of both men she cared very, very much about, and while she didn’t want to lie to them, she didn’t quite want to tell the whole truth, either. 

“Well… maybe… I mean, you know how she is,” she said with a noncommittal shrug. 

“Isn’t that the truth,” Hunter agreed, setting a bowl of the stew down in front of her as well. 

Although it was made with mystery meat that may or may not have been stored somewhere in the bathroom ceiling it didn’t particularly look bad, but she really just didn’t have much of an appetite. Instead of eating she poked at it half-heartedly with her spoon, fully believing she was doing a good job of hiding how she was feeling until Hunter’s voice made her jump. 

“Uh, Fionna, is everything alright?” Hunter asked, and she looked up from her uneaten food to meet his concerned gaze. 

“My… scratches just hurt,” Fionna said, thinking quickly, which wasn’t even a lie. Cake had gotten her pretty good. 

“While I was chasing Cake through the flower beds I noticed a plant growing not far from here that secretes sap with anti-inflammatory properties,” Hunter said, and despite how much the thought of rubbing plant sap into her sore scratches in no way appealed to her she still let her mouth fall open as if this were the best idea she had ever had the honor of gracing her ears. 

“Really?! That would be great,” she said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. She was prepared to say more in order to further encourage him, but Hunter was already at the door, hopping on one foot in his haste to get his shoes on. 

“Oh, yeah, and I swear I saw some wild yarrow growing a few blocks down that’ll really help you out, but Cake had just kicked a wad of dirt in my face right as I spotted it, so it could have been poison hemlock…” 

Fionna’s grin faltered at this, but it didn't matter, as a moment later Hunter had disappeared out the front door, still muttering to himself about all the plants he was going to find to help her. She waited an appropriate amount of time before allowing her false smile to completely slip away, and was unsurprised to find Hunter Wizard already silently watching her from across the table when her eyes moved in his direction. 

Although he was openly staring at her, she didn’t feel uncomfortable under his gaze. It was hard to describe, but it didn’t feel like he was judging her in any way. It was more like he was patiently waiting to hear what she had to say when she was ready to say it, as if he did this all the time. 

“Do you not like your food?” Fionna asked upon noticing no significant amount missing from his bowl. 

“I prefer to eat raw,” he said, and she frowned, feeling a little pang of guilt at the thought that she hadn’t been providing him with appropriate food after all. Why hadn’t he mentioned that before? She realized there was so much about him that she didn’t know, and the task of understanding him suddenly felt insurmountable. 

“Hunter Wizard… do you think you could ever be happy here?” she asked softly, and it took him a moment to reply, as if he needed to think deeply about how to put his thoughts into words. 

“I can be happy anywhere you are, but I’m concerned… because… you’re not here,” he said with some difficulty, and although his words didn’t make perfect sense again somehow to her, his meaning was clear.  

“You’re worried about the other me,” she said, feeling yet another pang in her heart for this forgotten Fionna followed by a wave of regret for her own selfishness. 

How could she even consider keeping this Hunter for herself in a world poorly suited for him when there was a Fionna out there with a broken heart missing her Hunter? The true cruelty, she realized, was in the act of keeping him like some kind of caged pet when she had the power the kiss him free. 

Her chair scraped on the floor as she got up at once, and she was pleased when Hunter Wizard remained sitting so she could see the entirety of him without him towering over her. He watched her with interest as she stepped toward him, and when she reached out to take his face in her hands he did not pull away. 

“I’ll… really miss you,” Fionna said, and his hand reached up to stroke the back of hers with a surprising amount of tenderness given his size. 

“I’ll miss you too,” Hunter Wizard said, and she hated the way her vision began to swim as she gazed down at him. She wanted to remember the way he looked with the utmost clarity, but these stupid tears wouldn’t stop dripping down her face. “Thank you for being so kind to me. You are a very special Fionna.” 

“But I’m not your Fionna,” she said before closing the small distance between them and pressing her lips gently against his. 

His mouth was warm and soft against hers, and she had to admit the feeling that exploded inside her chest with the contact could likely only be described as magic. Her watering eyes drifted closed as she enjoyed the sensation, and all too soon the subtle pressure of his mouth was gone, leaving behind only a fading warmth. 

Fionna was expecting him to be gone when she opened her eyes, and while she wanted to keep them closed forever just to pretend he was still with her she needed to open them, just to check. 

As expected he was no longer in the kitchen with her, but what she wasn’t expecting was the little portal hovering before her in the space he had just occupied. It was shrinking fast, but with a frantic realization she saw she could still squeeze her way through it, if she wanted. Her hands even tingled with the urge to do just this, she already missed him so freaking much, however even in that moment she knew the urge would never be anything more than a fleeting desire. 

Fionna knew in her heart she belonged here, in her world, with her Hunter, and so she contended herself to simply watch it fade away. In the following seconds as the portal shrunk she glimpsed through it a beautiful forest filled with the types of thriving, exotic plants that would make her Hunter’s mouth water. 

There were little critters oddly reminiscent of fireflies drifting around lazily throughout the air, strangely familiar to that which she knew and yet somehow a hundred times more grand. A little figure could be seen crouching on the ground hugging itself, and it wasn’t until it pulled off its strange bunny hat that she realized it was her own self, and she was… she was crying. 

The moment before the portal closed she witnessed Hunter Wizard rushing over to this figure, his body flitting through the trees and moving with far more sophistication and grace than he had ever shown in her world. The picture was getting smaller, and so she needed to squint in order to watch him scoop her up, and then with a faded sob of joy they were gone. 

A wandering pair of fireflies drifted their way through as the portal sealed, fluttering around the table and illuminating the room with their beautiful light as both the magical blip and our story finally ran their course and are now complete.