Archive of Our Own ^beta

Kate had never felt such pain. She couldn’t bring it up to her, nor did she want to. But it could never change the fact that she saw it happen. On the rooftops, spying like she shouldn’t. She saw Emilico and Shaun talking together about their life before the Shadows House.
Kate knew she could never talk to Emilico about their life before the house. They had only met briefly before. Emilico and Shaun had known each other longer, so she had no say in it. But even still, watching the two of them almost as if they were excluding her. She couldn’t describe the pain she felt; more than anything, she had felt before. It was like a feeling deep in her heart that she couldn't explain. Was it jealousy? Sadness? Anxiety? Kate couldn't bear these feelings festering deep inside her.
As Kate stands there watching them, Emilico starts to stand to leave. Kate watches as she says something to Shaun before..

Emilico gives Shaun a kiss.

Millions of thoughts run through Kate's head. She has no clue how she feels, how she should feel. She feels a deep sickness throughout her body, falling to her knees, speechless as she watches.
“No, they couldn't…”

“Why would she?”

“How could she?”

“We’ve done the same, it's not like it means–”

“Kate doesn't… Kate can't....”
She sits there unmoving, unable to think. She feels a deep sadness, yet she can't cry. Her soot body doesn't allow her to produce tears. She can't express sadness of any kind. She can't cry her eyes out like she wants to. All she has is a line of dark soot emitting from her head as she watches her life shatter.
Kate runs back to her room, jumping into her bed. Soot emitting from her head stained the roof of her room a deep black, fogging up the windows. Dirty, dirty, dirty. It's all she’ll ever be, all that will ever happen, all she can think of, all she deserves. She tries to sleep it off, tries to rid her sadness, but all she can think of is Emilico smiling at her. Cleaning up after her, protecting her. Betraying her... The first person she had ever cared about soon became the first person to betray her.
She couldn't even tell why she was all heated up about this. Emilico was simply just her servant, at most a friend. Why did she feel so deeply about her? Why did she watch her world unfold just by her and Shaun talking, just by them… She can't even bear to think of what they did on that rooftop. All she could do was lie in her bed as her room slowly darkened with her soot. Begging for something, anything, everything to happen. Trying not to burden the one she so cared for, while trying to deal with the “betrayal”. “Emilico hasn't done anything wrong by any means,” Kate thought silently to herself, emitting more and more soot as she continued. “Kate doesn’t control her. Kate shouldn't care about it this deeply.”
Kate turns over in her bed, facing downwards towards her pillow. “Why does Kate care about this so deeply? Why can't I stop thinking about her..” Millions of thoughts of Kate and Emilico rush through her head. Memory after memory, Emilico saving Kate during the debut. Emilico kissing her goodnight every night, just as Emilico….

Kate curls up into a ball on her bed, hugging the soot doll Emilico had made for her, thinking of everything back to the moment they first met at the circus to now. Silently sulking until she hears her door open.

"Mistress Kate? Are you okay...? Your room is very… 'sooty.' Have you been doing all right?"
Kate looks over at the door, Emilico. The same as she was on the roof, staring back at her. The worst possible person Kate could see at this moment.
"O-oh… Hi Emilico… Kate was just… Reading! It was a really sad part in the book, sorry haha.."

Kate tries to quickly play off her current state, yet the deep dark stains and sootsicles covering her walls, ceiling, and furniture clearly showed her horrible state at the moment. A sadness deeper than any book could possibly give her.

"Are you sure, mistress Kate..?" Emilico slowly continued, "I'm sure you know I'm always at your service if you need anything! I mean, we are friends after all!!"

Kate shuddered at that word, Friends… Was that really all Emilico saw her as..? A friend… I mean, sure, Kate saw Emilico as a friend as well… at least, she thought she did. But she still felt like her relationship with Emilico should go beyond just a friendship. Her feelings towards Emilico confused her, but she knew she wanted to be close… Maybe closer than friends…? She stopped herself before she could think further on the topic

"O-of course Emilico!! Kate is just fine… nothing.. Nothing’s wrong.."
"Mistress Kate, I can tell when you're lying.." Emilico cuts her off, "What's wrong? You can tell me." Emilico sits on the bed next to Kate

Kate's mind races, thinking a million thoughts in an instant. She wonders whether or not she should tell Emilico the truth, how she really feels. That she saw what happened on the roof.

"Emilico… do you truly only see Kate as a friend..?" Kate asks softly
"Of course, you are my best friend!!!" Emilico responds clearly, but does not fully understand Kate.
"Well, yes, but… is that really it..? You don't see me as anything more…?"

"Mistress Kate.. what do you mean by that..?"
Kate's mind ponders for a second as she tries to find the words, wondering if she should even continue. Yet her mouth opens on its own as she quickly confesses to Emilico.

"Emilico… Kate thinks she has… Feelings for you…" Kate blurts out at Emilico quickly
Mouth agape for a second, Emilico responds, "I mean.. I like you too Mistre–"
Before she can speak further, Kate moves her hand over Emilico's mouth.

"Kate has to admit… She.. saw you on the roof.. with Shaun.."

Emilico's eyes widen at Kate as she realizes. She doesn't know how to explain what happened to Kate. Emilico herself knows that she doesn't have feelings for Shaun, but Kate doesn't. She realizes the forefront of Kate's emotional state. She grabs Kate's hand gently as she lowers it from her mouth, holding it tightly as she looks into Kate's face deeply, the deep shadowy pit of her face that she can't help to stare at in passing.

"Kate… I like you too.. I'm sorry you saw what happened on the roof, but I promise… I have no feelings for Shaun, I swear.." Emilico smiles at Kate softly. A warm, comforting smile.

"Emilico… Kate ca–" She says before being quickly cut off by Emilico, throwing herself onto Kate.

"Kate.. I promise I will always favor you over anyone else… You don't need to worry, I promise." She smiles at Kate, her smile dissolving any worries in Kate's head.

"Emilico… Kate loves you so much."