Archive of Our Own

Princess Celestia clicked on her laptop’s trackpad, struggling to move her character. On the edge of her screen, an enemy character popped up, and finished her off as Celestia struggled to aim. The username read “xXSw33t13_B311Xx. She would have to remember that and find that pony later.

“Fuck this stupid ass game,” Celestia mumbled to herself, farting loudly.

Behind her, the bedroom door opened. Celestia watched through her darkened screen as Luna poked her head through the gap. Celestia sighed loudly, and tried to ignore her. That didn’t stop Luna from entering the room anyways.

Whatever she wanted, Celestia didn’t care. She sunk deeper into her pink hoodie, eyes locked on the countdown timer until she could respawn.

“Celestia, can you please get off of your fat ass and manage your kingdom for once?” Luna asked.

“No. You deal with it. Don’t you always bitch about wanting to be more important?”

“I’m already important enough. I’m the ruler of the night, the guardian of dreams, the-“ Luna was interrupted by Celestia slamming her hoof down on her desk.

“Fuck! Fuck that little shit! When I find you in real life I’m going to make sure you can never sit properly again.”

Luna rolled her eyes, but was transfixed on how bad Celestia was at her game. For someone who played the Latest Multiplayer Class Based Shooter for twelve hours a day, she sure was bad at it. The screen moved by like a power point, and Celestia kept fumbling with the controls. The fans on her small laptop sounded like an airport terminal.

“Okay, well, there’s a line of ponies waiting to voice their complaints to you.”

Celestia turned to Luna with a look angrier than usual.

“They’re doing what? Do they think this is a democracy or something? Who let them in?”

“Well, I did, but only because we should at least listen to them.”

Celestia’s anger riddled face slowly morphed into an unbearably smug smile.

“Oh sister, and this is why I’m the ruler of all of Equestria, and you have a closet full of maid dresses,” Celestia said, voice dripping with self satisfaction.

“I only have those because you make me.”

“Exactly. And I make you because I am your master.”

“Can you stop saying it like that?” Luna’s face flushed red.

“No. We both know it’s true. Now, go take care of that peasant problem you started. Mama has to get a real gaming computer.” Celestia rose from her chair, the fluffy pink hood to her hoodie sliding down.

With a burst of light, Celestia vanished from her room, leaving behind her smelly gamer hoodie.

Luna sighed, but wasn’t surprised. What would Celestia even do with a gaming computer? Sit on her ass all day and do nothing? That wouldn’t be anything new. Luna was dreading hearing more of Celestia’s angry gamer screeches deep into the night.

“Pinkie Pie what the fuck are you even doing in my house?” Twilight asked.

Twilight did not appreciate surprise guests so early in the morning. Nor did she really appreciate Pinkie Pie existing inside of her treehouse, which had already burned down once. She really didn’t need a second incident.

Trixie, still in her nightgown and cap, looked down from the alcove where she and Twilight slept.

“I already told you what I’m doing here, Twilight,” Pinkie said.

“No, I'm pretty sure you didn't,” Trixie said.

“Does that change anything?” Pinkie asked.

“Well it changed me from being asleep to being awake,” Trixie said.

“It almost changed your brains from being inside your head to outside of it,” Twilight added.

“What? How?” Pinkie asked innocently, unaware of Twilight's stance on castle doctrine law.

“Nevermind.” Twilight moved her home defense gun to the side with her back leg. Pinkie wouldn’t notice it anyways. “Also, you never told us what you’re here for.”

“I didn’t?”

“No,” Trixie said. “But you've been very insistent that you did.”

“Oh…” Pinkie’s eyes turned to the floor, her mood turning somber, as if she was about to cry. “I’m so stupid, stupid, stupid,” she chanted, raising a hoof and slamming it against her head.

“Um. What the fuck is she doing?” Trixie asked.

“I don’t know but I swear to Celestia if she gets blood on my hardwood floors again she’s out of the Mane Six.”

In a sudden burst of divine light, Princess Celestia transported herself in the middle of Twilight’s home, knocking over a stray stack of books as she did so.

“Sparklebooty, you know what I told you about leaving books like this all over the place.” Celestia kicked over another stray stack. “It makes you look gay, and if I teleport into one, you’ll be responsible for a dead Princess.”

“Oh great,” Twilight mumbled under her breath before bowing. “Princess Celestia, you grace me with a surprise visit! Again. For the third time this week.”

“Yes, Twilight, I have a very important task we will be going on. Drop every plan you have for today, this is of the utmost importance."

“I wasn’t planning on doing anything today.”

“But,” Pinkie’s ears drooped, “what about-“

“Perfect. Come with me. Your little blue unicorn friend can come too.”

“Princess, she’s my marefriend. You were at the wedding.”

“There better be a space between ‘mare’ and ‘friend’, or mommy will get very angry,” Celestia said with the stern voice that caused Twilight to flinch.

“Well-“

“It’s okay, Twilight. Let’s just go before Pinkie Pie processes what is happening,” Trixie said.

The three swiftly left Pinkie Pie all alone in Twilight’s house. But a rustling from elsewhere in the room made Pinkie realize she wasn’t as alone as she thought.

From a haphazardly discarded pile of laundry tumbled out a different pony. Pinkie just couldn’t remember her name, so it probably wasn’t important. The laundry pony stared down Pinkie Pie with a skeptical eye. She slowly approached, her eyes squinted and twitchy. She was also incredibly sweaty for someone in a place as cool as Twilight’s house. Pinkie Pie hoped she wasn’t another freak. She forgot her gun at home.

“You…” the unicorn said with a shaky voice that sounded a lot like Twilight’s. “you were abandoned.” There was extra emphasis on that last word.

It stung Pinkie Pie’s heart to hear that. Her friends wouldn’t abandon her like that. They were just suddenly very busy with plans that took priority over hers. Everyone else’s plans always seemed to be more important than hers. But that’s okay, right?

“Don’t worry,” the other pony said, “I was abandoned too.” She stared at the defeated Pinkie for a few painfully long moments. “I, the powerful and perfect Flawless Sparklemoon, shall grace you with my presence today.”

“Okay. That sounds like fun.” Pinkie tried to smile. “I just wanted to see if Twilight wanted to make candy with me.”

“You make candy? I thought you were a baker.”

“Only a little bit. I buy my cakes from Manehattan.”

“Oh. Okay well, let’s go make candy then.”

Flawless walked ahead of Pinkie Pie to the door and out to the streets of Ponyville. What she thought was going to be another day of hiding away was turning into a day of adventure. Even if she didn’t really know Pinkie Pie, at least things wouldn’t be boring.

If Luna could kill herself in that moment, she would have taken the opportunity without a second thought. An eternity of burning in Pony Hell would have been better than sitting there listening to complaints. She was determined to rule in a just way, something her sister could never do. She was beginning to understand why Celestia had secret police and a torture dungeon, though.

“So yeah. That’s what I think,” the first pony in line said, her huge, vacant, eyes fixated on Princess Luna.

“You do understand that this is the forum for complaints, yes?” Luna asked, trying to put on her best royal expression.

“Oh… I just saw a line and joined it.”

“So you have no complaints?”

“Nope! I just feel like you’re the princess I can talk to. You’re very nice.”

The simple pony’s vacant but sincere expression was too much for Luna’s heart. Her exasperation quickly melted away.

“Well… thank you, my little pony. But if you don’t have any complaints, please leave so others can express themselves.”

“Okay! Bye bye, princess.” The pony happily bounced away.

The next pony was not so empty headed. He wore a tiny pair of glasses, carried a stuffed clipboard with his magic, and even wore a tie. The kinds of ponies that wore ties were not the kind that Luna wanted to hear from.

“It’s about time we had a forum like this,” the bespectacled pony began, his voice as haughty as his appearance. “Princess, the economy of Ponyville is simply unsustainable. And yet? It’s one of Canterlot’s primary trading partners.” He shuffled through some of the papers on his clipboard. “As you can see here, our economy is the one that supports these slacking ponies…”

The pony droned on about trade deficits and welfare. Princess Luna tuned it out, her mind wandering. And where it landed was a very good idea. With the flick of her hoof, a pair of guards could grab hold of the unicorn and drag him off.

It was satisfying to think about, but realized an action like that would only make her more like her sister. Under no circumstances was that going to be an option. Instead, another idea popped into mind.

"Excuse me, my economically inclined subject, but the economic complaint forum is next week. Please, come back then, and we can discuss your issues," Luna said, mustering up her most royal voice.

The pony huffed and puffed, but willingly left quickly. A smile spread over Luna's face.

“Hurry up, Twilight,” Princess Celestia said.

“Princess, with all due respect, this is the third store we’ve been to.”

“And? I said hurry up. If this store doesn’t have anything then we’re going to Canterlot.”

Trixie kept her mouth shut. She didn’t need any more attention from princesses of any kind. Especially Celestia.

Celestia stood in front of the greasy looking shop. It didn’t look promising, but Twilight was just hoping that this whole ordeal would be over quickly.

Twilight rolled her eyes, then used her magic to open the door for her. Celestia trotted in without so much as a thank you.

The interior of the shop was dingy and dusty. At the back sat a very greasy earth pony. A single, loud, fan blew on him, but his greasy hair did not move at all in the current.

“Oh great,” Trixie complained under her breath to Twilight.

“This is the worst one today,” Twilight responded.

“At least the princess looks like she’s having fun.” The pair watched their princess dart between large shelves stuffed with tubs of spare electronics.

“Plus we didn’t have to deal with Pinkie,” Twilight said. “Imagine what we’d be doing now.”

“We? No dear, that was all you.”

“No, if I was going down I would drag you down with me.”

“Wow. Thanks.” Trixie rolled her eyes.

“Let’s just hope that Celestia finds what she’s looking for,” Twilight said.

"I don't have any hope. Just look at this place."

Both ponies looked on in awe as Princess Celestia dug through various tubs with her magic, farting loudly in the quiet store. It almost sounded like gunshots. Despite all her efforts, she still felt dejected. There just wasn't a single good computer parts store in Ponyville. Maybe it was time to give up on the idea of building her own gaming computer.

That was for gay nerds, like Twilight. She would just have to be satisfied with buying a prebuilt one. Certainly she wouldn't buy one in a backwater like Ponyville. They didn't even have a Best Buy in this hillbilly central.

She turned back to her little ponies, who were standing around and doing nothing useful, as usual.

"Well, no thanks to you both, I have decided on a different plan," Celestia said.

"Oh great. Like going home," Twilight said, already leaving the store.

"No, no. You get that fat, juicy, ass back here." Celestia used her magic to grab hold of Twilight's tail, and dragged her back in. "I've decided that building my own PC is too much work, and none of the stores in your degenerate little town have what I need. I'm going to buy a prebuilt one from Best Buy."

Trixie scrunched up her face out of pure disgust, but correctly suppressed her thoughts about it, lest Celestia was reading her mind. Instead of her true thoughts, Trixie forced herself to think, 'Great, prebuilts are usually affordable, and made for the average pony's needs.'

"I thought the same thing, Trixie," Celestia said.

Trixie sighed. She was safe, for now. Since Celestia was actively probing inside of her mind, she tried her best to suppress the dirty, disgusting thoughts of her and Twilight. 'No one can ever know my dark secret…' Trixie thought.

"Come on you little unicorn faggots, we're going to the Best Buy in Canterlot," Celestia said.

'Fuck how did she know,' Trixie thought, clearly picturing herself kissing Twilight passionately with tongue.

"Okay. Fine. Let's go to Canterlot for your fucking computer," Twilight said. "Whatever. It's not like I was busy today. Just hurry up and teleport us there with your alicorn magic."

"No, I don't think so. I don't want to sully my amazing, and superior, alicorn magic with your presence. Especially since you're not an alicorn like me anymore. Take the train to Canterlot. Hurry up."

"You cannot be serious," Twilight complained.

Instead of responding to Twilight's building temper tantrum, Celestia simply teleported away.

"Great. Fucking great. I'd rather be doing whatever stupid bullshit Pinkie Pie wanted me to do instead of this." Twilight stomped a hoof in anger.

"Why don't we just ditch her?" Trixie asked.

"Ditch Princess Celestia? Do you have a death wish? If it was the other one then we could, but it's not, so we have to do what she says."

Trixie sighed, following Twilight out of the store and across Ponyville to the train station. What a terrible, no good, very bad, day. Like, the worst day ever. Well, maybe not as not as bad as that one time. Trixie would have to journal so hard about this later. For a brief moment, she wondered what Flawless was doing, but couldn't be bothered to linger on that thought any longer than necessary. Whatever she was up to, it was probably stupid anyways.

Flawless was left speechless by her surroundings. Sugarcube Corner was a lot more sugary than she had expected. Maybe it was because she hadn't interacted much with Twilight's other 'friends', if you could call them that. The whole place was full of different baked goods and sweet treats. How much money did Pinkie even make off all of this anyways?

"Okay so, I gotta be honest with you girl friend, I don't know how to make candy," Pinkie said, looking suspiciously cute.

"Then why am I even here?" Flawless asked, looking suspiciously cuter. "What's even the point of this?"

"Well…" Pinkie cast her gaze down to the sugar-crusted floor. "To be honest, I just wanted to be friends with you."

"F-friends? Why? Explain. The one and only Flawless Sparklemoon does not have 'friends'."

"Oh, but, your mom is my friend, so I figured, it would be nice to be her foal's friend," Pinkie said.

"No, you're friends with my other mom. I think. You also bullied my mom and had the orange one shoot her." Flawless wouldn't be falling for any cute manipulation from Pinkie.

"Wait, which one is your mom and which one is your other mom?"

"Trixie is my mom and Twilight is my other mom. Sometimes I flip it though, to keep them guessing, and to see if I can guilt trip them for an extra treat."

"Well I have to say that when you're at auntie Pinkie's place, you can have all the treats you want!"

"I'm pretty sure that mentally, I'm older than you."

"Nuh-uh."

Clearly, this conversation wasn't going very far. So Flawless decided to focus on the real problem at hand: how did someone make candy? Something that she had learned early on in her existence was that the internet held the answers to everything. And a whole lot of mare ass.

Flawless pulled out her smartphone. It didn't work very well, and overheated all the time, and also the screen was cracked so Flawless would get poked by little pieces of fiberglass. But it was still her phone, so the case was decorated with a plethora of differently styled stickers. It was a hand-me-down from Twilight, who in turn got it from her older brother.

Pinkie Pie got uncomfortably close, leaning her head on Flawless's shoulder, and watched on in amazement as Flawless navigated her laggy phone to Horse Google.

"Wow, Horse Google sure has everything!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

"Have you never used it before?" Flawless couldn't understand if that was the case.

"No. I grew up on a rock farm, and my dad would beat me up if I ever used the internet. My sisters would too," Pinkie said without a hint that she thought those actions were particularly traumatizing.

"Oh. That's not very nice," Flawless said.

"No, but that's okay."

"Is it?"

For a brief second, Flawless could see Pinkie Pie's smile sag, only to immediately snap back. That was too freaky for her. This girl was weird.

"Nevermind," Flawless said. "Anyways, look at this. This shouldn't be hard to make," Flawless said, tapping a hoof on the screen.

She had found a recipe for chocolate covered pretzels. It was so simple that no one could mess it up. It was a foolproof plan. Flawless was truly a genius, and amazing, and add perfect to that list too.

"Okay, that sounds yummy. Horses love pretzels and chocolate, so it's perfect."

"Yeah, I know. So do you have any pretzels?" Flawless asked.

Pinkie used all of her brainpower to think about that question very seriously. Flawless wondered if Pinkie was going to hurt herself with all of that thinking. It wasn't a very difficult question.

"I don't know." Was the answer.

"Okay, well, I guess we can just look around for some," Flawless said, moving to search Pinkie Pie's cupboards.

"That's a good idea!" Pinkie shouted with full sincerity. "But wait, what else will we need to make chocolate covered pretzels?"

Flawless stared at Pinkie Pie for a few seconds, trying to process the absurdity of that question with great difficulty.

"Chocolate," she said.

"Oh, okay. I have a lot of chocolate. I like to stick my hoof in the containers and lick it all off. It's so messy and gets everywhere, sometimes dripping down my neck and chin."

"Okay." Flawless turned her back to Pinkie and continued digging through her storage.

At the back of one very lonely, and very dusty, cupboard, Flawless managed to dig out an old bag of pretzels. There was a thin layer of dust that covered the packaging. No doubt they had gone completely stale, but at this point Flawless did not really care. Pinkie seemed to have gotten distracted digging through the fridge.

"What are you doing?" Flawless asked. She set down the old bag of pretzels on the island countertop in the middle of Pinkie's kitchen.

"Huh?" Pinkie pulled her head out of the fridge long enough to give Flawless an empty and confused look.

"What are you looking for in there?"

"Oh!" A bright smile returned to Pinkie's face. "I thought that maybe you wanted something to drink."

"Sure. That sounds nice. What do you have?" Flawless asked.

"Um… lemonade… and soda."

"Is all of the food in here sugary?"

"Yeah."

Flawless sighed. "And is the lemonade your piss?"

Pinkie Pie's face flushed red.

"That was one time! I know how to make lemonade now! Who told you about that? Was it Rainbow Dash? Don't listen to her, she likes it."

"Well, as long as it isn't your piss, I'll have some lemonade." Flawless chose to ignore Pinkie's questions. Plus it was Twilight who told her. Not that Pinkie needed to know.

Pinkie didn't seem to notice Flawless dodging her questions. It seemed like everything was in one ear and out the other with Pinkie Pie, Flawless was learning. Not that it was a problem for her. At least Pinkie seemed happy.

While Pinkie Pie was dutifully pouring two glasses of lemonade and singing to herself, Flawless kept digging around for the second ingredient to chocolate covered pretzels. For a bakery, it seemed a little difficult to find.

"Where the hell is the chocolate?" Flawless asked.

"Oh, we keep all of that in it's own pantry. It's in the back hallway to the left. Be careful, it's passed the bathroom that always smells like shit," Pinkie said, cleaning up a large puddle of lemonade that she spilled all over the island countertop and floor. She didn't seem too bothered by it.

"That sounds gross," Flawless said, suddenly apprehensive about this whole thing.

"You get used to the smell. Plus, all the baking masks the smell!"

Flawless poked her head around the corner that Pinkie indicated. It was a long, dark, hallway. The only hint of light came from a cracked door, along with a foul odor. She didn't know where this pantry could possibly be, and the thought of opening all of these mysterious doors didn't sit right with her.

She took one careful step into the darkness.

There was nothing to be worried about. She was Flawless Sparklemoon, the greatest pony who will ever live. So even a stinky hallway couldn't stop her from simply baking.

Another step forward.

Another.

The miasma in the hallway increased in strength the further she went in. How the fuck could Pinkie cause all of this? Flawless was regretting everything.

The train station wasn't very busy. It allowed both Twilight and Trixie to breathe easier, but it also meant it would be a long wait for the next train to Canterlot. A gentle breeze rustled both ponies' fur.

Trixie let her gaze linger on Twilight for a second too long. The other locked eyes with her, then narrowed. Twilight grinned, Trixie hated how smug she could be, but at the same time, loved every bit of it.

"What?" Trixie asked, turning her head and blushing.

"I should be asking you that," Twilight responded.

"No. You looked at Trixie. Why?"

"Why was Trixie looking at me?" Twilight mimicked Trixie's speech patterns, a habit she found amusing but the other did not.

"Because… Because of your face," Trixie said, not realizing in time how her words sounded.

"My face? Were you looking at my face because, perhaps, the great and powerful Trixie enjoys my face?" Twilight's grin grew larger.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie enjoys imagining your face all ruined in humiliation," she said.

"Stop flirting with me in public like that," Twilight turned her head so Trixie wouldn't see her intense blush.

"No. Stop. That's not what Trixie meant, Trix-" Trixie cut herself off before she could make anything worse than she already was. She took a deep breath to collect herself again. "Fine. The real reason I was staring is because I think you're pretty."

"Really?" Twilight looked back to Trixie. "You really think I'm pretty?"

"We're married."

"Stop dodging the question."

"I'm not dodging anything. We're married, so of course I think you're pretty."

Twilight giggled, lightly kicking a hoof against the boards of the station platform. She glanced up at the timetables. There would still be a very long wait until the train came. Celestia would probably be mad by the time they arrived. Part of her wanted to just go home, figuring that the princess would get impatient and get everything done without them. Maybe that was just wishful thinking, and despite her feelings, Twilight wouldn't want to risk just leaving.

When Flawless finally found the right pantry, she threw herself into the dark room, slammed the door behind her, and took a deep breath. She coughed, not bothering to cover her mouth, then took another deep breath.

"Holy fuck that was awful," she said to no one. "It's like the smell is seared into my nose."

The chocolate pantry was incredibly impressive, she had to admit. Shelf after shelf was stuffed completely full of various different kinds of chocolate. To her side, there was even a small fridge. Above her was a single lightbulb and a pull string that was so dim it did little to brighten the room.

Flawless had to admit that she didn't know anything about chocolate, not that she would ever admit that to anypony. Admitting you're wrong is a sign of weakness.

She fumbled around in the dim lighting to see what different types of chocolate were there. She didn't remember what type of chocolate the recipe called for, in fact, this was her first time learning much about chocolate. Her mom and other mom never let her eat a lot. They said it made her 'hyperactive' but they all knew that was a lie. The truth was that her other mom would eat it all.

With blurry vision she brushed a hoof across the various containers and boxes, trying to read the labels. Recultantly, she pulled out her pair of glasses from her cape's pocket. Since she was all alone in that closet it would be fine.

The various boxes were all meticulously labeled and organized. The center shelf, right at eye level, were the most used ingredients , and the other shelves stuffed with different products.

'Pure chocolate material', 'Pure milk chocolate materials', 'Chocolate material', 'Dark chocolate.'

Her eyes started to cross from all the labels. Finally, she landed on a box of finished chocolate. It was right in front of her. Flawless checked inside the box and was taken aback by its contents. Bar after bar of, dare she say, flawless chocolate. Just what the hell was this doing here in the bakery of a pony who said she could barely bake?

Flawless grabbed the box with her magic and braced herself again for the hallway. Before leaving, she took one last glance behind her. All these boxes, all the organized containers of chocolate and ingredients, it made Flawless wonder. Was Pinkie Pie really alone doing all of this?

Entering the hallway, Flawless refused to make the same mistake twice. Now that she didn't have to try and find the exact pantry, she could just barrel down the hallway without a care.

It only took a second to reach the end, and for everything to almost end in disaster.

Just as Flawless was about to round the corner into the kitchen, Pinkie Pie darted around the corner. Flawless planted all four hooves into the wooden floorboards of Sugarcube Corner, skidding forward. Pinkie Pie screamed, leaping into the air to an impossible height.

Pinkie crash landed just behind Flawless, who whipped around. Panic spread across her face, both at the near accident, and because Flawless hadn't hidden away her glasses yet. Should Flawless rush to her new friend's side, or hide her glasses?

A pained moaned coming from Pinkie made the decision hard for Flawless. In any past situation, she would simply look out for herself, and only herself. She was gaining an conscience, and she loathed that fact more than her new friend seeing her stupid glasses.

Flawless set the box of chocolate to the side, and trotted over to Pinkie's side. She didn't look too bad, but her eyes were shut tight, and her tongue laid limp out of her mouth. When Pinkie ripped a fat one, Flawless considered kicking her in the rib.

As if nothing had happened, Pinkie jumped up with a smile, and pounced on Flawless.

"Wow! Cool glasses!"

Flawless felt like taking them both out with magic would be better than this humiliation. In an act of endless mercy, she decided to not kill the both of them in a murder-suicide.

"T-thank you," Flawless said, both confused at the compliment, and very, very, sweaty.

"Wow, you sweat a lot!" Pinkie shouted.

"Get off of me, please." Flawless's voice came out more strained than she had expected. This whole ordeal would have been much easier if they both died.

"Oh, okay!" Pinkie jumped off Flawless, finally letting her breathe unobstructed again.

Flawless lifted herself up from the floor, just thankful that her other mom's hand-me-down glasses weren't in pieces.

"I didn't know you wore glasses. Were you always wearing them?" Pinkie genuinely asked.

"No. No, I wasn't. I just had to put them on to read the labels in the pantry."

"Yeah, it's really dark in there. Sometimes I bring a flashlight."

"Why is it so dark in there anyways?"

"Chocolate is better stored in a cool, dry place. The less lighting, especially natural light, the better for it. You know, a lot of people think you have to store it in a refrigerator, but not always. So, I only keep some pieces in the fridge in that room, especially the shaped ones."

Flawless was taken aback by Pinkie's explanation. She didn't know anything about chocolate, but Pinkie seemed to be an expert. Maybe that should have been expected from a baker, but based on… how Pinkie was… Flawless didn't expect it.

"I didn't know that," Flawless said, picking up the box again. "That makes sense."

Pinkie nodded her head rapidly. "Yup, yup yup! Sorry for almost running into you. I had to take a big shit in the bathroom, this time."

"That's okay, I'm just glad you and the chocolate are okay." Flawless decided to ignore the other comment, although she was frightened by the fact it didn't seem to phase her very much.

"Oooh yay chocolate!!" Pinkie cheered, jumping up and down. She tried to dig her snout into the box before Flawless snatched it away and held it higher in the air with her magic.

"Come on, let's go make those pretzels," Flawless said.

As they went to the kitchen and gathered up all of the tools they would need, Flawless was lost in thought. There was something bubbling deep down in her heart, something terrible and ugly. It scared Flawless, not that she would ever admit it. The impeccable and immaculate Flawless Sparklemoon was not scared of anything.

'Emotions' were a terrible and ugly little word, and something that Flawless was above. She was better than having those. She was above being so vulnerable with herself. Most importantly, she surpassed the need for a 'friend'.

Yet, when she looked over at Pinkie, diligently working with chocolate sauce splattering more of her face than not, Flawless felt something horrid.

She felt that Pinkie Pie was becoming… her friend.

Flawless started to feel sick.

Celestia swished her tail back and forth as she considered all of the options before her. The air inside of the Canterlot Best Buy was much cleaner than anything else in Ponyville. And most importantly, all the ponies had a high enough IQ to know their place and wait on Celestia hoof and heel.

A well dressed but clearly desperate unicorn tended to Celestia, guiding her around the store's pre-built PC section. She went on and on about various stats, pricepoints, accessories, and anything else the excitable pony could think of to rattle on about.

Celestia could never admit it, but she didn't understand any of it. All she wanted was a PC that could run Latest Multiplayer Class Based Shooter. And probably torrent cartoons. That was a crime punishable by flogging, but who was going to stop the princess? Nobody, that's who.

"... and the price is only one thousand bits, er, but for our princess, everything is on the house!" The pony said nervously.

Celestia glanced down at her and smiled. She completely forgot the little unicorn's name, and her nametag was smudged. Her name would be… Excitable. That was a good name, and no one could tell her otherwise.

"Well, this one sounds quite nice, doesn't it? And you said it comes with a monitor?"

Excitable's expression faltered for a moment, clearly confused, before she understood what Celestia was really saying.

"Y-yes! Of course it does," she stammered. "And… does our gracious Princess desire a keyboard and mouse too?"

"No I don't need a mouse, I have one at home. Do you have one of those keyboards that light up like a rainbow?"

"We do!"

"Gross. Burn it. Your ruler wants one that lights up in the same colors as my mane." Celestia turned her attention back to the PC in front of her.

Excitable scurried off somewhere to fetch Celestia's demands and the paperwork for her to sign. Out of the corner of her eye, Celestia caught something blue, cute, and frazzled.

"Ah, Luna, my favorite maid. What brings you in here?" Celestia said.

"I was looking for you," Luna said, her mane in a complete mess and her fur disheveled.

"Finally coming to me to fix your problems?" The smugness in Celestia's voice was ever present, but noticeably worse now.

"No, actually, I solved my own problems. Thanks for being so concerned for me, my dear sister."

Celestia's eyebrow twitched. This shouldn't be possible, her own pathetic little sister solving her own problems. It just shouldn't be like that.

"Oh? Is that so?" Celestia asked. "Well, it sure looks like you solved your own problems. Just how well did it go?"

Luna locked eyes with Celestia, mustering up as much courage as possible.

"At first, I thought I would rather throw all of those ponies out and have the annoying ones disappeared," Luna said honestly.

Celestia's smile only grew, her smugness dripping from her face. Before she could speak, Luna continued.

"But. After getting used to it, and finding a better way of handlings things, it become much more manageable."

Luna savored Celestia's faltering smile the more she spoke.

"By dinner time everypony had been sent home. Not because I demanded it, or threatened them, but because every single pony in that line had spoken their peace. Some of them had nothing important to say, some of them whined and cried. Yet, by the end, even if I couldn't promise any changes, everypony seemed happier."

Suddenly the Best Buy had grown painfully claustrophobic to Celestia. The hum of the overhead lighting was deafening, and all the other little ponies shopping seemed as if they were jeering at her.

A feeling bubbled up in Celestia's stomach. An anger so ancient and powerful, it could fuel the sun until Equestria was a distant memory. She took a deep breath, and spoke through clenched teeth.

"That's very nice, sister, you're learning the basics of leadership. How cute. Now, if you'll be a good little girl, I am very busy right now."

Luna took the hint, smiled up at her big sister, and left. She had never felt this satisfied before. Despite humiliating her sister in the only way she could, she felt much better about helping those ponies out. Maybe one day, people would stop treating her as the 'other sister', and as Princess Luna, Ruler of the Night and Dreams, like she so deserved.

The evening express train heading for Canterlot was hardly filled. Besides Twilight and Trixie, there were scant few other ponies in their carriage, much less the rest of the train. Not that either of them were complaining, the peace and quiet were more than welcome.

Trixie sank down into her seat, glancing over to find Twilight’s muzzle stuck in a book. It was one of the many things that Trixie admired about Twilight, maybe she was the only person who admired that. Her other friends, even her mentor seemed to think it wasn’t a good thing, but Trixie knew otherwise.

Sometimes at night, Trixie would listen endlessly to Twilight’s recounting of fantasy tales, or scientific journals, or something she read in a textbook. With the way she described everything, Trixie could draw vivid pictures in her mind.

Plus when Twilight was busy reading, it left a lot of time for Trixie to think. Maybe that sounded wrong, but Trixie learned that about herself. She enjoyed having plenty of time to herself to think. Twilight would tease her, saying that she was ‘broody’ or some such, but the truth was that she was simply introspective.

That’s around the time the thought of Flawless drifted back into her mind. Her feelings were so complicated around that pony. The fact her feelings were so complicated only made Trixie guilty. How could somepony have these complicated feelings around her own foal?

Trixie could feel the burning tears forming just behind her eyes. She was tired of feeling guilty, tired of having complicated feelings, and tired of crying. The great and powerful Trixie was above such useless feelings.

“Are you okay?” Twilight asked, resting a hoof on Trixie’s thigh.

She hadn’t noticed Twilight put her book down. Her cheeks, the ones on her face, ran red. Sometimes Twilight would catch her about to cry, just like this moment. The great and powerful Trixie choked down her tears, but those ugly emotions still persisted.

“Is it about…” Twilight’s voice trailed off, her eyes softening.

The great and powerful Trixie could only nod in response, her words stuck in her throat along with those tears.

Twilight didn’t respond, only resting her head on Trixie’s shoulder, gazing out into the evening view from the window. Trixie nuzzled her head against Twilight’s. Neither of them spoke for a while.

“Am I a bad mom?” Trixie finally asked when the tears were finally choked down enough.

“What makes a good mom?” Twilight responded.

Those tears must not have been choked down enough, as they clawed their way up Trixie’s throat.

“I don’t know.”

“I spent a lot of time away from my mom when I was a kid. Instead of her, I was with Celestia.”

“I’m sorry.” Trixie wished she could get even closer to Twilight somehow.

“There’s nothing anyone can do about it, so don’t apologize. I’m saying that because, well, it’s hard for me to answer that question. I know I have a mother, and she’s very sweet, so maybe I should know the answer, but I don’t.”

Trixie listened closely to every word Twilight spoke. Maybe it didn’t answer her question directly, but maybe there wasn’t an answer.

“Yeah. Neither of us know what we’re doing. I still feel guilty.”

“I do too.” Twilight turned to look at Trixie. “Sometimes I have horrible thoughts about us and Flawless. I know that deep down I don’t mean them, but at the same time, those are still my feelings.”

A tear ran down Trixie’s cheek. Then another. She coughed.

“I do too,” she choked out. “Sometimes I regret… that incident.”

“Me too, but then I think, if it didn't happen, maybe we wouldn’t have each other.”

Trixie sniffled. Tears flowed like a stream, matting her fur. She would rather this entire train just derail in that moment and kill everyone on board.

“Despite everything that’s happened, I’m so happy we have her. I’d sacrifice anything to have her here with us. Dear Celestia, I just don’t do a good job of showing that sometimes.” Trixie buried her face in her hooves, that feeling of guilt overwhelming her.

“Trixie,” Twilight’s voice was serious, “you don’t have to sacrifice everything. That would be too easy. What we have to do is work every single day for the rest of our lives to care for her, no matter what.”

Trixie laughed bitterly through her building tears.

“I wish it was as easy as a one time sacrifice. I just feel so guilty for having these feelings about her. She’s my own foal and sometimes I just…”

She couldn’t bear to finish that thought, to speak it into existence. It was too painful.

Twilight didn't say anything, letting Trixie work this out on her own time. She hated seeing Trixie hurt the way she did. It was a deeply held secret, but every so often, Twilight would catch the sadness in Trixie's eyes. Sometimes it was just a particular broody mood that she learned to spot. Her heart would hurt for Trixie, but it wasn't a topic that one could casually approach, so she didn't. Maybe she should have.

"We never wanted a foal. I guess we never talked about it much, but I knew that I would never want one. Sometimes I still feel that way. There's a difference in wishing we never experienced what lead to her, and regretting her."

Twilight's eyes went wide for a split second, before softening again. That was all it took for the sadness enveloping Trixie to boil into anger.

"That's okay. I understand," Twilight said.

"Do you? Do you understand how guilty I feel for that?"

"Yes! Of course I do!" Twilight practically jumped from her seat. "But you know what? Those are your feelings, so own them. It's okay. We all have negative feelings, horrible feelings, but that doesn't change the fact that we have them."

"So what am I supposed to do, Twilight Sparkle? Feel guilty for the rest of my life?"

"Of course not. You shouldn't feel guilty about your feelings. They're just that, feelings. It doesn't matter how you feel them. There's a difference between having feelings and acting on them." Tears ran down Twilight's face, dropping onto the hoofs in her lap. "I have all sorts of negative feelings. About you, about Flawless, about my friends, about myself. But that's okay, because when it comes to our family, the only feeling I act on is love. Everything I do, well, everything I try to do, is because I love you both."

Trixie didn't respond. What could she have possibly said in response to Twilight's words? Maybe Twilight was right. Maybe it was just another thing she would have to brood over.

The rest of the train ride passed in a strange silence. Trixie felt comfortable not saying anything, but if she were to speak her mind again, Twilight wouldn't have minded. She wasn't reading her book anymore, instead she stared out the window. Trixie stared straight ahead, her vision blocked by the seat in front of her.

By the time they got to Canterlot, the train station there was much busier. After fighting their way through the crowd at the station, they spilled out onto the streets, which were equally stuffed.

Celestia was nowhere to be found, not in the streets, not near the castle, and certainly not at Best Buy. Twilight sighed, lamenting her wasted day. She turned to face Trixie, eye makeup streaking down her blue coat, and smiled.

"Hey, it's not every day that we're in Canterlot, is it?" Twilight asked, a twinkle in her eye.

"No, it isn't," Trixie said flatly.

"I have an idea. Let's go get something to eat. There's a good salad-sandwhich shop I used to love going to when I was younger. I'll pay. Maybe after, we could stop by a candy store and get Flawless something."

Trixie smiled. Things began to feel lighter. What treat could she get Flawless in Canterlot? She didn't even know what her favorite flavor of candy was. In that case, Trixie figured she would just get a little bit of everything.

Flawless looked on in stunned wonder was Pinkie Pie worked her magic in the kitchen. She melted the chocolate, whisked it, and carefully dunked each pretzel, leaving them on a sheet to dry.

It got to the point where Flawless had to step back. Both to avoid getting trampled by Pinkie as she worked, and to avoid the mess. Chocolate was splattered over every single surface of that room, and bits of the next room over. Some of it was still hot too, which Flawless discovered by stepping in a lukewarm pile of it and briefly confusing it for a different kind of lukewarm pile of brown stuff.

It was exhausting even just watching everything.

So with nothing better to do, she decided to have a look around. Pinkie Pie's house was just as deranged and strange as the pony herself. Things felt too big, too lived in, for one pony, yet it was only Pinkie.

Sitting on a very dusty bookshelf near the front door was a small framed photo of Pinkie with two other earth ponies. Flawless picked it up, wiping off the dust, and taking a closer look. One pony was yellow, his cutie mark depicted three slices of cake with cream on top. The other pony was a light blue, and her cutie mark depicted three cupcakes.

Flawless set the photo back down when she heard a loud crashing coming from the kitchen. She rushed back in, only to find a very satisfied Pinkie sticking her whole hoof in the pot of warm chocolate, some of it already covering her face. She shoved her whole hoof into her mouth, loudly lapping up the chocolate.

They locked eyes. The loud noise came from her tossing her other utensils into the sink. Wordlessly, Pinkie stuck out the pan as an offering to Flawless.

"No, thanks," she said, feeling a bit sickly.

"Hmmph hhhh mmm," Pinkie said with her whole hoof in her mouth.

"You know I can't understand you with your whole hoof in your mouth, right?"

Pinkie looked down, then back at Flawless, removing her hoof with a loud pop. Between gasps for air, Pinkie tried to speak again without much success.

"Just calm down," Flawless said.

Another few big gulps of air, and Pinkie stared blankly at Flawless for a few moments before trying to speak again.

"I forgot what I was going to say," she said with a smile.

"Okay, that's fin-"

"Oh, oh! No I remember now. Do you want any?"

"Any of the leftover chocolate? No, thanks." Flawless glanced into the pot and shivered. It wasn't that it looked bad, but Flawless was picturing that pony's saliva covered hoof in there, and she wanted to throw up.

Pinkie shrugged, shoving her hoof back in, trying to scrape out every last bit of chocolate.

Flawless tried to ignore it, and instead her thoughts returned to that framed photograph. She wanted to ask Pinkie Pie about it, but thought better of it. It wasn't really her business, plus if those were her parents, Flawless didn't want to have to experience a whole 'my parents died back when' conversation. The awkwardness of it might stop her heart.

Instead she trotted over to the chocolate covered pretzels that rested on a baking sheet. Each one of them look immaculate, just like the rest of the baked goods in the store. Nothing was adding up with this pink pony. How could she be so herself yet all the things she put out looked so good? And this stuff wasn't store bought like she claimed some of the other goods were.

"Oh!" Pinkie shouted to Flawless through her hoof filled mouth. "Can you put that in the fridge? I forgot." She continued to cover her hoof in spit as she licked.

"Okay." Flawless lifted the sheet with her magic and opened the nearby fridge.

Inside the fridge were an assortment of different goods, none of which seemed appropriate to live off of. Almost everything were some form of baked good, candy, or endless rows of sweet drinks. How Pinkie hadn't died from all the sugar was yet another mystery to pile onto the baker.

She managed to negotiate the sheet on top of a few rows of sugary energy drinks, plastic packaged cakes, and a second pan of cupcakes. It was good enough.

The only thing in that fridge that wasn't sweet was something charred to a crisp, locked away in an old tupperware.

"We don't have to leave all of them in there for long! We can take a few out soon and eat them while they're still a little gooey!" Pinkie shouted.

"Sure, that sounds nice," Flawless said.

"Hey, you know what would be really cool?" Pinkie asked, her eyes sparkling. "If we went up to the roof to eat our candy." She began bouncing up and down in place. "And since the sun's starting to set, it'll be really pretty!"

"That would be fun," Flawless said, smiling.

Despite all of her unanswered questions, Flawless couldn't help but push them all aside for Pinkie. There was something about her, something whimsical and carefree, something that made her own worries seem a lot less important.

Maybe that was part of being a party pony.

Pinkie led Flawless upstairs and to the attic where her room was. With all that space on the second floor, Flawless couldn't help but wonder why exactly she would cram herself into a space like that, but she didn't want to ask. In the corner of her room was a small string that dangled from the ceiling. When pulled, it brought down a trap door, and a ladder smashed into the wooden floor with a thud.

With some trepidation, Flawless followed Pinkie up and onto the roof.

The view from the rooftop beneath the blazing sky was breathtaking. Flawless found herself at a loss of words, able only to look down at the streets of Ponyville and all of the ponies there. She wondered if this was something normal for a pegasus, or if they too never stopped being awestruck by the view.

“Isn’t it pretty?” Pinkie asked, unable to hide her satisfied smile.

“It’s… gorgeous…” Flawless mumbled.

“Yeah, I like to come out here a lot.”

“I can see why.” Flawless stared up at evening sun, part of the sky bathed in orange, while the other a shimmering purple.

“I’ll go get some pretzels and other candy. You wait here,” Pinkie said, disappearing down the ladder.

Flawless found somewhere to sit, and continued to stare up into the sky, losing herself in thought.

Twilight was a funny time to Flawless. A whole period of time, every single day, that shared a name with her other mom. How was Flawless supposed to grapple with this fact? No matter where, no matter when, no matter every single thing else, Twilight would always be a part of her day.

Maybe that should have been a good thing.

Flawless suddenly felt very conflicted. She sat on the lonely roof of Sugarcube Corner, pulling her legs to her chest. It wasn't fair that someone like her was feeling all of these emotions. Emotions were for other, lesser, ponies, not someone as flawless as herself. So what if she had conflicting emotions about her moms? Didn't other ponies?

On one hoof, she loved them because they were her parents, but on the other hoof, well… their relationship wasn't exactly positive.

Maybe that was okay. Maybe it wasn't.

Next to Flawless was a pile of discarded cans. They were all different kinds of sodas and energy drinks. She picked one up between her hooves, rotating it over and over as she thought. The sky above her grew darker.

Flawless tried her best. She always was the best, but she could only try with her emotions. It never felt like enough, even when she reminded herself that these things took time, and she didn't have any of the answers. No one did, and that frustrated her immensely.

Rustling from behind her snapped her out of her own mind prison. Pinkie Pie tried to negotiate all of her things up the ladder, with little success. Flawless grabbed a few of the more precariously positioned items with her magic and placed them beside her. Pinkie managed to climb the rest of the way up on her own.

"Now it's a real party!" She cheered, cracking open a can of soda and plopping down next to Flawless.

"You sure like sweets," Flawless said.

Pinkie Pie nodded so fast her face melted into a blur.

"Of course I do! It's my most favorite thing forever." She grabbed a pretzel from a plate she placed them on, and offered it to Flawless.

It tasted almost like Flawless expected, it was just a chocolate covered pretzel after all, but the chocolate was much richer than she had expected. The milky chocolate practically dissolved on her tongue, the salt from the pretzels did little to diminish the sweetness, and tasted more like a subtle undertone to the candy.

She took another, then another, and soon they were both devouring the candy until nothing was left. Pinkie Pie burped loudly with satisfaction.

"Damn that was good," she said. "I should make more of these."

"You could use different chocolate too."

Pinkie stomped a hoof on the ground. "That's a great idea!" She shouted. "I know just what to make." Pinkie pulled out a sharpie from somewhere Flawless didn't want to know, and scribbled something illegible on her arm.

Flawless reached for another soda, noticing it was a flavor she had never seen before.

"Where do you get these?" Flawless asked, cracking it open.

"I import them from Manehatten! You can't get them here, but they're Rainbow Dash's favorite, so I make sure to order some."

"You mentioned Rainbow Dash earlier, are you two friends?" Flawless asked.

Pinkie blushed and turned her head away.

"Well, you could say that."

"Could I say other things about it?"

"Maybe. It's a little confusing."

Flawless looked at Pinkie Pie, confused, until the real meaning of her words started to sink in.

"Oh," Flawless said, blushing, "Oh okay."

"It's not really like that. Well okay, maybe it is a little bit like that."

"I don't understand," Flawless had a hard enough time with emotions, but doubly so when somepony else couldn't use their words properly.

"It's hard to talk about, and I don't really know what's going on between us."

"Do you, like, like like her?" Flawless asked in the best way she could.

"I wouldn't say no if she asked…" Pinkie said, her whole body turning uncomfortably red and sweaty. "Emotions are just hard, and I don't get them, and it's even harder with Dashie because she's so cool, and awesome, and maybe too cool and awesome for me."

"Don't say that, I think you're plenty cool and awesome." Flawless did her best to give Pinkie a reassuring smile, but felt it came off more like an awkward grimace. "You said that emotions are really hard… I think so too."

"Really?"

"Yes. I was only born um… a while ago, and being born as a grown ass adult is really hard, because people expect you to know everything already, but I just don't. So everything feels overwhelming. Plus, since Twilight and Trixie are my parents, well, I guess it's just impressive that I'm not even worse."

Pinkie Pie giggled.

"Those two ponies are a little crazy." There was only a short pause before Pinkie spoke again, but it felt like ages. She looked out over the streets of Ponyville as she spoke. "You know, I think i sort of understand how you feel. I'm a grown up too, and people expect a lot from you when you're my age. But the truth is, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even know how I'm feeling most of the time."

"Really?" Flawless asked, following Pinkie's eyes across the streets below.

"Yeah. Being gay and an autistic retard is really hard. People expect a whole lot from me, but a lot of it I just can't do. It's hard making eye contact, it's hard not being too excited about things, it's hard to do all of the boring life stuff." Pinkie sank lower in her spot. "The worst part is that when I can't do normal things that other ponies can, like counting past twenty, they get really mean. They bully me, and make fun of me, and beat me up."

Flawless caught herself leaning closer to Pinkie Pie, wanting to comfort her but not knowing quite how. Instead, she pulled away.

"And that bullying never stops," Pinkie continued. "Sometimes my other friends bully me too, and I get really sad. One day, Dashie stayed with me, and we watched movies and had a sleepover, and the next day I went to visit her for a little bit. It was really nice." Pinkie's words started to jumble together as she spoke. She looked over to Flawless and smiled, tears forming in her eyes.

"But you know what? Even if people are mean to me, that's okay, because I'm okay with myself. I think that's all that really matters. I like baking, and drinking soda, and partying, and making people smile. That's all I need in life, even if everyone else thinks otherwise."

Flawless couldn't say anything, she could only stare up into the growing night sky. Somehow she knew that Pinkie Pie's words would have to settle into her mind before she could take them to heart. She thought about her moms, and if their errand with the princess went well.

She looked over, wanting to say something, but Pinkie was already chugging another soda. Flawless smiled. What she had to say could wait until another day. For now, she would just be happy that she made a friend.