Chapter Text
Josh realized that Tyler had left a mark on his heart when their eyes first met. It felt like “you and I will be together” burned into his soul in fiery letters. Time passed, the fire died out, but the scar remained. Josh understood that six months after returning from Alaska.
❄
Because two flights - first from Columbus to Chicago, then from Chicago to Anchorage - were delayed, Josh arrived in Alaska a day later than scheduled. The third flight from Anchorage to Barrow had completely exhausted him, and all he wanted was to lie down and fall into deathlike sleep.
That was how he missed the first day of Nalukataq, the summer festival dedicated to successful whale hunting. Summer my ass, Josh thought, pulling the scarf tighter around his neck. It wasn't freezing, but his cheeks were tingling slightly. He shifted from one foot to another, took off his glove and reached into his pocket for his phone to check the time: it was almost eight in the evening, but it was as bright as day. A polar day. An ordinary polar day in Alaska - the air temperature is near zero, the dim sun is hanging in the sky, and he's been waiting for the bus to the hotel for ten minutes. A lone dilapidated car drove by, and he looked after it with envy. A little more, and he would walk. Fortunately, there wasn’t much to walk at all - about a mile on the half-melted snow.
When he finally got to his room an hour later, he didn't even take a shower. He took off his jacket and boots, managed to take off his jeans and got under the covers. Half asleep, he remembered that somewhere in Barrow they were handing out pieces of whale skin in honor of the opening of the festival, and maybe some were still dancing to tambourines and electronic music in some cozy wooden house. He dreamed of Inupiats and whales - they shook their heads regretfully, patting his shoulder.
❄
Josh woke up and rolled over onto his back with a grunt. He stretched out his hand to take the phone from the nightstand, and remembered he hadn’t had the energy to get it out the previous night - it was still in the pocket of his jacket, which in turn was on the floor, somewhere near the door.
He opened his eyes. On the opposite wall, near the ceiling, a narrow rectangular window paled. There were no other natural light sources around. Josh sighed and got up to get his phone and sort the things out.
❄
The second day of the festival was unofficially called Hunter's Day. The men took part in a competition - they jumped over sleds placed in a row, dragged blocks of ice. Lots of people were watching it: some cheered the participants, some looked at what was happening with tourist interest. Josh was taking photos of Inupiats jumping over the sleds and, stepping aside, bumped into somebody with his shoulder.
“Sorry," he muttered, barely glancing at the one on his right.
“Uh-huh," the guy replied, still standing in place.
Josh had to move on to keep up with the jumping Inupiats. The guy he bumped into, clearly didn't understand that. Josh turned his head and looked him into the eye.
“Can I pass?" he asked, not hiding his irritation.
The guy stared at him as if Josh had said something in Aleut. Josh blinked, and so did the guy. He had big dark eyes with black eyelashes, and his cheeks were pink from the cold. His gaze was impenetrable and studying at the same time. He even tilted his head to the side like a dog. Josh turned away, shivering, and thought that maybe the dude really didn't understand English?
“I…" Josh began, turning back to him.
“Sure," he said, stepping aside, the corners of his lips twitching slightly in a smile.
Josh forgot what he was doing a minute ago. He nodded, clutching his camera with his fingers, and looked at the competing Inupiats. His shoulder was itching as if he’d burned it. But he was wearing a jacket and a sweater, how could it be possible? He shook his head and focused on the photoshooting.
After a few seconds, he got the feeling that he was being watched. He turned around: a woman and a man were laughing, pointing at the competition, some children ran by. Josh decided he was imagining things, and continued taking photos.
❄
In the evening at the ulu knife making workshop, Josh noticed that dude again. He was talking enthusiastically with someone local, watching how to make the knife. Josh took a moment to examine him: he was about the same height as him, his dark hair looked unruly and stiff. The khaki parka was unbuttoned, revealing a black sweater underneath. He had the air of a wild animal, and Josh grinned at the thought. Apparently sensing that he was being watched, he looked up and gazed Josh straight in the eye.
Josh was taken aback and made a sound which vaguely reminded a cough. He turned away, trying to figure out the best thing to do: run to the hotel or pretend that nothing happened. But why? Why is he suddenly reacting like that to some strange guy? Josh squinted at the initiator of his weird condition. The guy said something to the local, smiled, and walked over to Josh.
Josh's heart began to race. He didn't understand what was happening to him. Maybe he hadn't set off from jetlag yet. Or the polar day was affecting his brain that much, so he felt like a trapped deer.
“Here you are again," Josh heard.
“Uh, yeah," he bleated.
“Tyler," he held out his hand.
“Josh," he shook it; Tyler's palm was dry and firm.
“Been here long?”
“Where?”
“In Barrow.”
“Flew in last night," Josh replied, a little surprised by the flow of questions.
“I knew it," Tyler bit the inside of his cheek lightly. "I hadn't noticed you before."
Josh snorted. He tore his gaze away from his lips and, like a robot, turned to the ulu-knife-maker. His heart was slowing down, but now Josh felt a strange tingling sensation under his skin, as if he'd been electrocuted.
“Let me guess," Tyler spoke up again, "you're here for work.”
“You get it right.”
“Photographer?”
“Biologist," Josh looked at him.
Tyler tilted his head to the side and frowned slightly, as if his data didn't count up.
“And a journalist," Josh added.
“I knew it," Tyler beamed. "Come here to capture Nalukataq?”
"That too.”
“You’ve missed the first day," he stated.
Thank you, Captain Obvious, Josh almost blurted out, and he pursed his lips. Their dialogue made him feel weird: on the one hand, he was slightly annoyed by such straightforwardness, but on the other, he liked it. It felt like he’d been hooked, and now he was wondering what would happen next.
“Are you a local detective or something?” he asked. “Keeping track of who and how many times comes and leaves the town?”
“No,” Tyler smiled wider and, after a pause, said: “Sorry, I just haven't talked to people from the mainland for a long time.”
There was an awkward pause. Josh looked around, noting that there were a lot of people from the “mainland”, but for some reason Tyler stuck to him. It was exciting and confusing at the same time.
The Inupiat conducting the workshop was turning the knife in his hand, telling that the handle is usually made of wood, horn or bone, and is often decorated with carvings.
“It’s good for cutting nuts," Tyler said.
“Excuse me?” Josh woke up.
“I'm saying it's good for cutting nuts with that knife," he replied. "It's usually used to carve fish or animal skins, but I'm far from that, so..." he paused. "I have one. King himself made it for me.”
“Who?” Josh turned his head to look at him.
“King," Tyler nodded at the Inupiat, who was now showing how to hold the ulu properly.
Josh nodded slowly, pretending to understand. Although in fact, he didn't understand anything, so he asked:
“Is he really a king or is it a figure of speech?”
“He's an elder. And the best hunter," Tyler squared his shoulders, as if they were standing at the court of Louis the Tenth. “Anutchiaq.”
“What,” Josh felt a pang of annoyance again: he didn't like being spoken to in a language he didn't know.
“Anutchiaq means a real person in Inupiaq,” Tyler said evenly. “But everybody calls him King, to keep it simple.”
“I see. No questions," Josh sighed. “Judging by the fact you know everybody and everything, it's obviously not your first day here.”
“I've been living here for a long time.”
“How long is that?” He narrowed his eyes. “Don't tell me your distant relatives are Eskimos.”
Tyler laughed softly. Josh smiled, suddenly charmed by his laughter.
“No, I…" Tyler became serious. “I've been living here for three years.”
“And how was that for you?” Josh asked. "I think I'd die of boredom here."
“I have a rich inner life.”
“Ah," he glanced at him. “What do you do?”
“Write music.”
“Holy shit,” Josh was genuinely amazed.
“Want to listen to it?”
“What, now?” He looked at King as if he could decide for him whether to listen to Tyler's music or not.
“If you don't have any plans for the evening, then why not?” Tyler bit the inside of his cheek, sparks flickering in his eyes.
Josh felt something flare up in his solar plexus. He felt weak all over his body, as if he’d been caught by a high, warm wave and dragged along. He could have, but he didn't want to resist. He shrugged and said, “okay,” telling himself that he was imagining Tyler looking at him like he wanted to devour him whole again.
❄
This can't be happening, he thought as they stumbled into the darkened hallway, tripping over each other's legs. Josh couldn't keep track of when Tyler's hands landed on his cheeks and they started kissing, like they hadn't seen each other for ages or had known each other in previous life. Tyler unbuttoned his parka and slipped it off his shoulders in one deft motion. Josh followed suit, kissing him. They stumbled over the parka, and Tyler laughed shortly and pushed it aside. Josh wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him in, following him into the depths of the dark room. They knocked over some objects along the way, something fell to the floor, Josh hit sharp corners a couple of times, but he didn't feel any pain - his mind was clouded by a deep, overwhelming desire.
Noticing that they stopped at the kitchen table, he grabbed Tyler by the hips and sat him on a solid surface. Tyler gasped, spread his knees, and wrapped his legs around Josh. He caught his lips and pulled him back into a heart-pounding kiss.
Josh felt like he was possessed. He was kissing and about to have sex with the guy he’d met... what, three hours ago? Tyler bit him lightly under the ear, and his vision blurred. It didn't matter how long it had been since they'd met, all what matters was that he was burning alive, and it was the most enjoyable experience he'd had in years.
“What do you like?” he asked in a hoarse whisper that he barely recognized as his own voice.
“This and that," Tyler smiled, pressing his lips to Josh’s.
“And tonight?” Josh was breathing heavily and wanted to kiss him again, as if that was his salvation.
“Let's start with something simple," he lowered his hand and gently but confidently stroked him through his jeans, "and a favorite one," he ran his fingers through Josh's hair. "Take me to bed."
Josh grinned. He loved the way Tyler wrapped his arms and legs around him as he walked to the bed. He liked the way Tyler ran his fingers through his hair and pecked him on the neck until he lowered him onto the mattress. Tyler immediately sat up and pulled the sweater over his head, revealing black, form-fitting thermal underwear. Josh was watching him, fascinated.
“Aren't you taking your clothes off?” Tyler asked, grinning, and reached for the button on his pants.
Josh nodded and took off his sweater and T-shirt. Tyler said, “come here,” and Josh decided he'd take the rest off later.
With some distant part of his mind, he still couldn't believe what was happening. He kissed Tyler on the lips, on the neck, slid his fingers over the nipples and went lower, over the stomach, becoming more aroused from each “oh, yes" that escaped Tyler along with moans. As much as Josh wanted to slow down, he felt like he was falling down into a dark, bottomless hole at the speed of light. Tyler lifted his hips when Josh touched him, and put up his arms, grabbing the headboard. Josh's breath caught in his throat. He was amazed at the honesty with which he gave himself to him. Tyler trusted him as if they had known each other all their lives.
When Tyler was coming, Josh peered into him, trying to catch how his face was changing at the moment of pleasure, but in the darkness of the room, he could only make out parted lips and tightly closed eyelids. He bent down and kissed him, and Tyler kissed back instantly, as if he'd been waiting for that for a long time.
Josh felt his palm going down, squeezing his cock in the middle, closer to the head, and he panted, pressing his nose against Tyler’s cheek. How does he know, Josh wondered, how does he know he loves it just like that, for God's sake, just a little more and he'll believe in soulmates, fate and predictions from the stars.
He came on Tyler's thigh and fell down next to him. They lay motionless for several minutes. Josh licked his dried lips and brushed the damp strands from his forehead. His body vibrated with orgasm, his pulse gradually returning to normal, breathing becoming even.
“I need to take a shower," he said, swallowing.
“A problem with that," Tyler replied, propping himself up on his elbows.
“What do you mean?”
“I'm out of water," he reached for the bedside table and switched on the lamp: soft yellow light enveloped the room. “It’ll be here tomorrow."
“What?” Josh turned his head to look at him. "How's that?"
“You think you’re at resort?” Tyler took a pack of wet wipes out of the drawer. “It’s Alaska, baby, sometimes the water problems here are worse than in Africa.”
“Wait, are you serious?” He sat up.
“I am. You think I'm joking?” He pulled out a wipe and looked up at him. “I have a few buckets of rainwater on the roof, but I don't want to go there now and then boil it.”
Josh watched him cleaning up his stomach and thigh, and didn't miss the chance to take a closer look at the body he was snuggling up to a few minutes ago. His skin looked golden in the lamplight. There were black tattoos on his chest and arms, rectangles and symbols, the meaning of which Josh could only guess.
Tyler grinned when their eyes met, and Josh grinned back. He couldn’t take a shower after sex and that chilled him down a little, but still he was attracted to Tyler. He wanted to kiss him again, he wanted to inhale his scent.
“I can offer you the wipes," Tyler said matter-of-factly and got out of bed. "And I think a little water's left in the kettle," he bent down and, picking up his boxers from the floor, headed for the door. "Would you like some tea?"
Without waiting for an answer, he left the room. Josh sobered up from the emotional shock a little more. Tea? What tea? Why is there no water in Alaska? Didn’t he wash his face and hands at the hotel in the morning, or was he dreaming? Does he have to go to public showers every night now? He looked down and saw his slightly aroused cock. He shook his head. Why is he getting hard again, for God's sake? Sighing heavily, as if it was time to pay for his sins, Josh got out of bed.
He pulled on his jeans and T-shirt and went into the kitchen. Tyler was chewing on something. Holding a cracker in one hand, his phone in another, he intently was typing a message with his thumb. Josh looked around: there were two mugs and a bowl of cookies on the table - most likely the one where they were kissing on. The kettle was boiling on the cooker. There was a pile of dirty dishes in the tiny sink.
“Just a second," Tyler muttered, not looking up from his phone. "It's urgent.”
Josh fell silent, listening to his gut. It was strange, but for a few moments he felt comfortable, calm, like... at home. He looked carefully around the kitchen again: was there some kind of black Inupiaq magic at work here? Josh rubbed his neck - he didn't know anything about Inupiaq magic. But Tyler probably knew, so Josh could ask about it if there were no other topics for conversation. He sighed resignedly and slowly sank into a chair.
“Sorry, I should have answered that," Tyler put down the phone and picked up the kettle from the cooker. "So what about tea?"
“No, thanks.”
“Okay," he shrugged slightly and poured boiling water into the mug.
There was an awkward pause, and Josh wondered why the fuck he was even sitting here. He should have gotten out of here a long time ago. He hated one-night stands, the last time he did that was when he was much younger, and back then he definitely didn't stay to have tea and cookies. What happened to him now? He knew, he felt, that when Tyler suggested listening to music, that wasn't what he meant at all. Why did he fall for it?
So what now? Should he say something like, thanks, it was great, nice cock, bye? Jeez. Josh was ready to sink through the floor.
“Hey," Tyler called.
“Huh?” Josh blinked.
“Is something wrong?" he asked softly, looking confused.
“Oh. No. I just..." he scratched his chin. “I just didn't expect something like that from myself.”
“Something like what?” Tyler smiled gently, lifting the mug to his mouth, steam rising from it.
Josh sighed and looked at him, struggling with indignation, either at himself or at those stupid questions. Tyler was sitting at the table practically naked, and Josh thought, how is he not cold?
As if reading his mind, Tyler stood up, shrugged, and said:
“I'll put something on and come back," he went into the bedroom. "Don't run away.”
He returned in less than a minute. He was wearing dark blue pajama pants, and was putting a huge black hoodie on.
“Listen," he said, sitting back down, "let’s pretend we meet again?”
“What do you mean?” Josh raised an eyebrow.
“I mean," he held out his hand. “Hello, I’m Tyler Joseph.”
“Josh Dun," he grinned and shook it, immediately remembering that very palm made him come half an hour ago.
“What brought you to Alaska, Josh Dun?” Tyler smiled, like he was thinking the same thing.
“I am collecting material about Nalukataq and studying the effect of melting ice on bowhead whales.”
“Wow, sounds serious," Tyler took a sip of tea. “I can help you with the Nalukataq, but you deal with the whales yourself.”
“Okay,” Josh chuckled. “Are you the Tyler Joseph who's hiding out in Alaska and writing music?” Josh played along.
“Yes, how do you know?” he asked with tension in his voice. “Am I that popular?”
Josh frowned. Tyler got too serious for his not really serious question.
“You mentioned you write music," he said.
“But I didn't mention I'm hiding here," Tyler became gloomy.
“Are you?” Josh asked cautiously, realizing that he had hit something he wasn’t aiming for.
Tyler made a face and pushed the mug away. Folding his arms across his chest, he leaned his elbows on the table and looked away. Josh couldn't help but notice his chiseled profile.
“Do you know Brendon Urie?” Tyler finally asked.
“Never heard this name before.”
“And Clancy?”
“Who?” Josh raised his eyebrows.
“I see," Tyler smiled lightly and reached for the mug again. "You sure you don't want a drink? I have whiskey.”
“I’m good, thank you,” all he needed was to get drunk with the first person he met in Alaska; what's next? An invitation to a sauna orgy?
“Okay," Tyler shrugged and finished his tea in one gulp. "Brendon’s my ex," he said. “We started out as musicians together. More precisely, I was already quite popular in certain circles, and he was promoted by his daddy," he shot Josh a glance.
“What do you mean by his daddy?”
“I mean, by his biological father," Tyler bit his lip. “He was very rich. Well, he's still rich," he sighed and paused. "We had a big fight once: Brendon wanted to get one of my songs, and I said no, of course," Tyler's voice was even, but a blush appeared on his cheeks. “He ran to his dad to complain and managed to slip out that we, among other things, sleep together from time to time.”
“Oh," Josh replied.
“Guess what happened next?”
“You give Brendon all your songs and keep quiet, or he’s making a scene with blackjack and hookers?”
“Close enough," Tyler chuckled mirthlessly. “Either I disappear from the face of the nearby land, or he makes it so that everybody finds out I seduced his son, stole his songs and generally not a very good person. For him, to do such a thing is easy.”
“Is that why you went to live in Alaska?”
“Yeah.”
“But you still write music?”
“Under a pseudonym," Tyler picked up the mug and went to the sink. "It's certainly not what I expected while I was living in New York, but it's better than nothing," he rattled dirty dishes, setting the mug there, and over the noise Josh heard him say, "Music means a lot to me."
Josh said nothing and waited for Tyler to return to the table.
“I'm really sorry that happened," Josh said.
Tyler shrugged weakly, biting the inside of his cheek.
“Is Clancy your pseudonym?”
“Yes,” Tyler beamed. "Do you want to listen to my music?"
“I think that's why I’m here in the first place," Josh smiled.
Tyler chuckled and motioned to follow him.
In the bedroom, he turned on the overhead light. The room was large but cozy, decorated in dark orange tones. There was a carpet on the floor, and a window under the ceiling, as small and rectangular as in Josh's hotel room. There was a wide table against the wall with a laptop, a stack of paper, notebooks, wires, and an obscure object like a walkie-talkie. Josh looked around for musical instruments and noticed a guitar, tambourine and synthesizer, which were hiding next to the bed. There was a record player in the opposite corner, and a shelf of records above it.
“Wow," Josh whistled, "not bad.”
“You like it?” Tyler asked with something like pride.
“Yes, it's very cool," he came up closer. “How did you manage to record it on vinyl?”
“Long story," Tyler carefully pulled the record out of the envelope. "Lie down."
“Lie down?” Josh was taken aback.
“Well, yes," Tyler replied without looking at him. “We won't listen to it, standing, we’re not in church.”
“Okay," he replied slowly and headed for the bed.
He adjusted the crumpled blanket, trying to pretend he didn’t remember what had happened on it recently. Feeling as awkward as possible, he lay down on the pillow. Tyler turned on the music and switched off the overhead light, leaving the bedside lamp on. He lay down next to Josh and stared at the ceiling.
The music was slow, melancholic and beautiful. Josh thought about wind and snow. He imagined snowflakes rising into the gray sky, and snowdrifts rustling across the dark, icy ground. That kind of music made him sad. He wanted to think about the eternal, about the meaning of life and death. He took a deep breath through his nose and exhaled through his mouth. Tyler turned his head to him.
“What do you say?” he asked.
“I'll say it's very talented," Josh looked at him. “I like it.”
Tyler caught his eye, and Josh thought, oh no. Don't look like that, otherwise another part of his body will come alive, and he’ll have to do something to cope with it. Josh turned away and started studying the ceiling intently.
The record continued to play. He closed his eyes, feeling himself gradually calming down. They'll listen to the rest of the music, then he'll get up, say good night to Tyler, and go back to the hotel. As soon as he decided that he would be stronger than any circumstances, even the most tempting, Tyler whispered:
“Hey," a single word spoken in that voice did something to Josh: the magic was back on, no other way. "Do you regret coming here?"
Josh consider it. Then he shook his head.
“No,” and it was true.
“Do you want to stay?” Tyler asked in a whisper.
Josh thought, God. Why is human flesh so weak, why doesn't he resist that at all? Since when has he degraded to an invertebrate and is ready to follow the first impulse he receives from the outside?
“I'm not insisting," Tyler said meanwhile. “I’ll understand if you leave, I just…”
“Haven't talked to people from the mainland for a long time, I remember," Josh interrupted.
“Yeah," he smiled. “If you worry about water, don't worry - it’ll definitely be here tomorrow morning. The delivery works like clockwork, it’s never failed yet.”
“Mm," Josh drawled, putting on a thoughtful look. "And you're not cutting me like a nut with that ulu of yours?"
“What," Tyler laughed. "Do I look like a maniac to you?"
“Yes, a sexual one," he blurted out.
“That's a very dubious compliment," Tyler shook his head, a delicate blush appearing on his cheeks. "So, are you staying?"
“Yes," Josh didn't understand when he got so close to his face, "yes.”
They were making out to the music playing on the record player, and Josh felt like he was in a romantic comedy about teenagers on a winter break. He took off Tyler's oversized hoodie, left a hickey on his neck, and put his hand into Tyler's pants. Tyler whispered, “wait,” and made Josh take off his T-shirt. He put Josh on his back, slowly kissing his collarbones and chest. Josh could hardly stand that rush of tenderness. What would happen next, how he would sort it all out, flashed through his mind, and he immediately pushed those thoughts away. At that moment, Tyler sat up and pressed his cheek against Josh's, licking him near his ear. He thought, to hell with it, to hell with everything. Just those lips, that body, here and now, and he'd worry about the rest later.
He almost fell asleep right after they satisfied each other, but Tyler woke him up, saying something about washing-up. Josh lazily cleaned himself up while Tyler was rummaging in the closet. He threw him a plaid, saying that he wouldn’t sleep with him under the same blanket.
“Ouch," Josh said. "That hurts."
“Sorry," Tyler whispered, turning off the light. “I'll explain in the morning. Sleep.”
Josh fell asleep. In his dream, he was sitting under the northern lights, watching whales that appeared and disappeared over the horizon, singing songs.