Work Text:
Sanji finds it when he’s cleaning the men’s room.
The place is a mess. It smells, there are clothes everywhere, and he’s half sure there’s mold growing. Unfortunately, he lives on a ship of Neanderthals who refuse to clean up after themselves. If he wants a clean living space, he has to do it himself.
He’s just finishing mopping when he trips over a floorboard. Cursing as he stands again, he’s about to call for Franky. Then he notices the plank isn’t raised—it’s completely out of place.
He crawls over and picks it up, revealing a wooden compartment under the boards. In the small compartment is a few pieces of jewelry, some fancy pens, and a notebook.
Sanji definitely shouldn’t be looking at it. This is clearly private, something whoever hid it didn’t want anyone to find. He’s not so curious that he would violate the privacy of his—he’s grabbing the book before he can stop himself.
When he opens it, he’s met with sloppy cursive handwriting.
Reading it, he realizes it’s a work-out journal. His nakama is tracking how much they lift, their stamina, and their diet. The numbers are insane. Flipping through, they only get larger and larger.
At some point, he realizes this must be the marimo’s, since he’s the only person on the ship so obsessed with working out. But why would he hide this? It’s just his workout routine.
Then, Sanji flips to a page that’s filled with writing, and none of it is about working out. It’s a rant about...him.
There’s no date, but Sanji can remember this particular fight. It was months ago. They were arguing on and off all day about how you pronounce ‘pecan’. It got pretty intense.
Zoro rants for two pages about how Sanji’s pronunciation is stupid and incorrect. He jots down some, honestly pretty good, insults about the cook’s intelligence.
Flipping through some more pages, Sanji finds more rants in between the workout journals. He sees Nami’s name for the first time and has to stop.
Nami gets on my fucking nerves sometimes. I love her, she’s like my sister, but damn does she know how to piss me off. How the fuck is it my fault that she didn’t believe me about the storm!?
My scars always hurt like hell when there’s a storm coming. But no, she can never fucking trust me, as if my instincts have ever steered her wrong.
And this whole debt joke is honestly grating on me. Sometimes it’s funny. But when I’m already in a shitty mood, the last thing I need is her in my ear about fucking money. It gives me a headache and Chopper thinks I’m becoming immune to ibuprofen. Soon enough I’ll just have to take fucking fentanyl.
Sanji gapes at the page.
Zoro has never been one to share his opinions on anything. He’s quiet and stoic. If he has feelings about something, he doesn’t share them.
Honestly, he's more taken aback that Zoro admitted that he feels emotions than him actually writing about Nami. He even said he loved her.
Sanji was starting to think the marimo only felt anger and bloodlust.
Clearly, this journal has some very personal thoughts and feelings. He shouldn't be breaching his privacy like this. Even if it is the shitty marimo, he still deserves privacy.
Sanji puts the book back and carefully covers the floorboard with it. He won't touch it again.
He does.
He does touch it again. And again. And again.
I think Robin might be coming onto me. I don't know how to tell her I'm gay. Should I tell her? Fuck, why do girls keep falling over me? I'm not even attractive.
“That's a damn lie,” Sanji says to himself.
Luffy keeps flinging me around like I'm a damn toy. I might be losing my fucking mind.
“Aren't we all?”
Does Franky have a mechanical dick?
“Jesus christ, marimo,” Sanji mutters as he skips that page.
I know nobody on the crew likes me.
That makes Sanji stop. He reads it, then reads it again. Then, he blinks and rubs his eyes, but the words don't changed.
I know nobody on the crew likes me.
I know I'm just an idiot who isn't good for anything except cutting people down. All I do is work out, get drunk, and get lost. I know I'm cold and heartless, a killer. But still.
It hurts. It hurts so badly to know they don't like me. I thought I could ignore it, but it really, really hurts.
There are times when I really, really want to ask Brook to play 'Lady Soul' or something, but I know he won't. He wouldn't bother with my stupid suggestions.
Franky and Robin are like the older siblings I always wanted. They kind of remind me of Johnny and Yosaku. But, I don't wanna bother them. I was downright mean to Robin when she first joined, and I always act annoyed with Franky. They can't like me. No matter how bad I want to read with her, or just watch Franky work, I can't. I know I wouldn't be welcome.
Chopper is nice, but I know he's annoyed with me. I know I get on his nerves and piss him off. I really don't know why he still bothers with me.
Usopp has to fucking hate me with the shit I pulled. What was I thinking? I wanted him back just as bad as everyone, so why did they think I didn't care? Usopp left. He left me and it hurt. Why was I not allowed to be hurt? Why was Nami up in arms?
Nami is always in my face about everything I do! I can't breathe in her direction without her smacking me! I hate it! The only thing I can do is call her a witch and run away because I would rather die than show anyone how much it hurts. I'm just sick of the mistreatment every time I wake up. I'm just a punching bag to them.
And today! I just wanted some fucking eggs and that's it! But fucking Sanji kicked me in the face! He would never do that if I was someone else. He always feeds everyone else, no matter the time or situation. I never ask for fucking anything! And the one time I actually want something, he stops me! It's not fucking fair!
I know. I know Luffy only chose me because he had no better options. Eventually, he'll get new muscle to order around. I know it's the truth, but it still burns like crazy.
It's not fair.
I'm so fucking lonely.
I miss you, Kuina. You would know what to do.
Sanji stares blankly at the page, just blinking. He rereads it all, taking in every word.
Has..Has Zoro always felt like this? He didn't even realize any of that stuff hurt him. Hell, he didn't realize Zoro had feelings to hurt.
But, that's the problem, isn't it? He thought Zoro didn't have feelings. He assumed the man was—what? Fine with the abuse? Fine with being treated like garbage?
Sanji feels sick to his stomach.
“What'cha got there, bro?” Franky asks, snatching the book before he can react. His free-spirited grin slowly fades with every word. Sanji can't even speak. He's frozen.
“Is this..is this Zoro-bro's?”
“Is what Zoro's?” Nami asks. When she sees it, she takes the book from Franky. “Ooh, is this is diary?”
“Nami-san—”
“What's going on in here?” Usopp cuts Sanji off.
By now, Nami has skimmed the entire section. She wordlessly hands it to Usopp. The sniper looks like he's going to throw up as he reads it.
A hand stretches in and snatches the book with a giggle. Everyone whips around to see their captain, eagerly reading. Chopper is sitting on Luffy's shoulders and Brook is leaning over the two of them.
All of their smiles fade. Brook grows somber and Chopper begins to tear up. But, Luffy? He stands there, face blank of any emotion.
“How could..How could Zoro think this? We love him.”
“Obviously, we're shit at showing it,” Sanji remarks bitterly. He doesn't shy away from admitting he loves the stupid marimo.
“Well-Well—we need to get better at showing it!” Luffy yells. “Zoro shouldn’t feel like that! He is everyone’s favorite!”
Murmurs of agreement spread through the rest of the crew. There isn’t a single objection.
“It should be easy,” Robin says. Everyone else jumps and shrieks, completely missing her presence.
“When did you get here?” Usopp asks.
Robin just smiles at him. “Zoro blatantly stated his grievances with each of us. Brook, Franky, and I need to make a better effort at including him.”
“Chopper, Usopp, and Luffy need to show that Zoro is loved by them.”
“And Nami and Sanji..you could stand to be a bit nicer to our swordsman. Clearly your rivalries have crossed the line from playful to serious.”
Both Nami and Sanji look down shamefully. The others nod seriously. This is a very important mission, more important than any challenge they’ve faced before.
“Mission: Make Zoro Feel Loved is a go!” Luffy cries. Everyone else whoops in response and goes to take their places.
Robin carefully places Zoro’s journal back in its hiding place.
“Ah, poor swordsman-san..you are going to be drowning in our love soon enough.”
The crew is acting..weird.
Not so weird that Zoro can call it out, but still..weird.
Scratch that, Luffy is not acting weird. He’s always been super affectionate and disregarding of personal space. Everyone else is being weird as hell.
Zoro has never once been asked about his “opinion” on anything. Now, Brook is asking for recommendations from him, and Franky is overly eager to show off whatever invention he’s working on.
That’s not to say it’s a bad weird.
He likes that Brook cares what music he likes. And he really likes that Franky includes him—even if he has no idea what the cyborg is talking about ninety-nine percent of the time.
Most people wouldn’t guess, but Zoro is a very tactile person. He was touch-starved basically his entire life. So, the extra cuddling from Luffy—and Chopper—are appreciated.
Speaking of Chopper, the doctor has made it a point to make sure Zoro knows he cares for him.
“You annoy me because I care about you and I hate seeing you hurt!” Tears had started forming in the reindeer’s eyes. “I love you, Zoro! I need you around!”
That conversation was out of the blue and awkward, but still pretty nice. Not Chopper crying, of course, but knowing he’s not upset with him for being a burden.
Usopp has changed, too.
The two of them were pretty close before he abandoned the crew. Unfortunately, they never fully repaired their relationship afterwards. Zoro tried to stay away from Usopp, knowing the sniper was furious with him.
At least, that’s what he thought.
“Hey, Zoro, can we talk?”
It turns out, Usopp had never been upset with him. He’d only ever been—
“—mad at myself. For leaving Luffy and the rest of you like that. Honestly, I thought you were right for not wanting to take me back.”
They could’ve left it at that. Usopp isn’t mad, that’s all Zoro needs. But, then, Usopp apologizes.
“I should’ve said this sooner, but, I’m sorry for leaving. I can’t imagine how hurt you must’ve been.”
Zoro is embarrassed to admit that the acknowledgment had him tearing up.
He’s never had anyone care about his feelings before.
In the end, he and Usopp hug it out, and Zoro leaves feeling much lighter. For once in his life, he feels like people care.
Whatever weird and possibly infectious disease that has befallen the crew has also made its way to Nami and Sanji.
It’s not a secret that they all grate on each other the most. That’s not to say they hate each other. Zoro would die for both of them, and he knows they have his back in a fight. They all just..clash.
With Sanji, there’s at least a level of respect. They’re both evenly matched in battle, and they acknowledge each other’s strengths.
Nami is just..very violent. They’ve been through so much together—it was just the three of them and two shitty boats once upon a time. Only, it feels like they don’t know each other.
It doesn’t help that she reminds him so much of Kuina. Strong willed and passionate.
She’s his little big sister, and he loves her. That doesn’t mean they get along.
That’s why he’s terrified when Nami drags him into her office.
He’s never been in this room, per the navigator’s strict orders. So, to be here now? He’s genuinely shaking in his boots.
Zoro is running through every single thing he’s done recently, trying to figure out what could’ve pissed Nami off this badly. He’s terrified that he’s not going to make it out of here alive.
“Zoro..you know I love you, right?” She asks quietly.
Zoro is not proud of how violently he flinches. He’s heard those words maybe five times in his entire life—three of which by Luffy, once by Chopper, and once by a mom he no longer remembers.
“W-What?” He stutters.
“You saved my life, Zoro. You fought for my freedom after I betrayed you! Someone you hadn’t even known for a month! You gave me my life back, and you protect me at every turn and against every monster we face!”
Nami starts tearing up, her arms waving in grande, emotional gestures. “You are the entire reason I’m even able to continue my dream! We’re family! We’re nakama!”
To his own embarrassment, Zoro finds he’s tearing up right along with her. Cries of “you were lucky to be born a man” ring in his ears.
He hates when this happens. When he’s caught in between the past and the present.
A sob brings him back.
He’s shooting forward before he can think, pulling Nami to his chest.
Zoro has no idea what he’s doing. He’s never been held while he cried, or cried all that much, anyway. He’s honestly just making shit up as he goes.
Rubbing her back seems to help, so he keeps doing that. He tries to keep his hold tight, protective. Maybe that helps, maybe it doesn’t. He doesn’t fucking know.
Gradually, Nami is able to pull herself together, but she doesn't pull away.
"You're my brother, Zoro...I love you.."
"I—..." He chews his lip. He doesn’t know how to say it back.
"I know I haven't been the kindest to you, but I just—I don’t know how...Zoro, please let me learn how.." Nami begs.
Zoro doesn’t respond, because he knows he'll just sob. Instead, he squeezes her as tightly as he can, trying to communicate his forgiveness, love, and care silently.
He and Nami are definitely the least touchy-feely of the crew. When they seperate, it's awkward.
Despite that, Zoro finds he still feels lighter. He hands Nami his bandana to wipe her face with.
After some fidgeting and more awkward silence, he speaks.
"Nami, I—...you know I..."
"Yeah, I know you love me, too. Idiot," She says while shoving his bandana into his hands. "Now get out of here."
He doesn’t waste any time, all but running out of there.
Zoro desperately needs to blow off some fucking steam after that. So he heads right to the kitchen.
“Oi! Cook! Sake!”
“In the pantry.”
Zoro stops, looking at the cook. Sanji doesn’t even look up from the vegetables he’s chopping.
“What?”
“Are you fucking deaf, marimo? I said in the damn pantry.”
“That’s..it? No kicking or yelling or..?”
“Do you want me to kick and yell?”
“Well..yeah?”
That finally gets Sanji to look up. “You want me to attack you every time you come in the kitchen?”
“Not every time, obviously, but..”
Sanji stares at him, making Zoro shrink. He hates feeling scrutinized like this.
“…fine. Have it your way, mossball. Sake is in the pantry. When you don’t want a fight, you have permission to quietly grab a bottle. When you want to spar, then just be your loud-mouthed, obnoxious self.”
That..makes sense?
“Since when do you care that much?” Zoro asks.
“Are you going to grab your drink or keep being annoying?” Sanji asks with a sharp glare.
Zoro smirks back. “You told me to be obnoxious.”
Sanji narrows his eyes, then, a flaming leg is coming at his face.
It’s the most fun Zoro has had sparring in a while. At least, until Luffy complains about dinner not being ready.
The rubber-man launches into them, sending them all crashing to the ground. Sanji curses under his breath as he stands and brushes off his suit.
Zoro stays tangled with and laughing along with Luffy on the floor.
After dinner, Robin pulls him aside and tries to hand him a book with a shirtless man on the cover.
Zoro cringes at it. “I’m not big on romance—“
“It’s about a gay swordsman who overthrows a fascist government so he can freely marry his lover.”
Zoro looks at her, then at the book, then back at her. He stuffs the book into his haramaki without another word.
May it never be said Robin doesn’t know her crewmates’s tastes.
—The ending caught me so off guard! Robin says there’s more than one book, so we’re going to look for the sequels at the next port.
I also have to go shopping with Brook to grab some Lady Soul records. Turns out he’s as big of a fan as I am. He even met her once!
Franky is also adding a shower to the crows nest. I opened up to him a bit about my issues with the shared bathroom, and he was super understanding.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt closer to the younger members of the crew either. Luffy and Chopper are sweethearts, obviously. But I’ve had such great conversations with Nami and Usopp lately.
And the cook! We had an okay relationship before but now we’re closer than ever. We’re still rivals but now it’s not so harsh.
This might’ve been the best week I’ve ever had. I haven’t felt so loved and connected to everyone since it was just the four of us on the East Blue.
Maybe I jumped the gun a bit saying no one wants me around.
By the way you better get the sake I really like at the next port you shitty cook. AND I want sea king onigiri for snack time until I get sick of it. You owe me for snooping through my shit and thinking I wouldn’t notice.