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In hindsight, moving in with your ex-best friend that you haven't contacted for many years, the parting of which was less than ideal, and having to learn to fall asleep well before Kaveh in order to have an adequate amount of rest, probably not the smartest move. While Alhaitham was certainly smart when it came to academical and professional matters, he certainly was not up to scratch on social intelligence, particularly when it came to a certain architect. Kaveh seemed to be at the forefront of Alhaithams predicaments as of late, from the way he wouldn't cease working loudly on his projects until the early morning to the way he was constantly up in arms about Alhaithams "incredibly untidy" tendency to leave his books on any and all surfaces in the apartment. The former was also coupled with the occasional habit of the blondes to fail in caring for himself properly, resulting in the scribe carefully carrying him to bed after finding Kaveh asleep slumped at his desk, a half-finished architecture diagram or sculpture long-abandoned beside him. Though he would refrain from ever telling it to his face, Alhaitham cared deeply about the blonde, and above all else wished he would care about himself half as much. Despite the near-daily fights between the two, Alhaitham always made sure there was a hot meal waiting for the architect whenever he emerged from his room, and that the fridge and cupboards were decently stocked for whatever he desired. Kaveh never drew attention to the small things Alhaitham did for him, and Alhaitham never stopped. If Kaveh needed anything, Alhaitham would subtly buy whatever it was and place it in the blondes room when he wasn't there, then feign ignorance as to how it could have possibly appeared. It was their system and it worked just fine.
Then, Kaveh brought home a man.
Alhaitham was not the jealous type. Absolutely not. It was no business of his what his senior got up to in his own time. No business of his at all. Still, the more the man came around, the more Kavehs face lit up when talking about him, the more his crap started appearing around their apartment. It grated on Alhaitham. He initiated fights more often. He 'forgot' to buy one of Kavehs favourites during his grocery shopping. His books appeared more in places they shouldn't. Little things like that, building up and up over time, the longer Kaveh kept seeing his partner. By no means was Alhaitham unpleasant toward him if he happened to come over while the scribe was at home, but he wasn't exactly warm toward him either. And Kaveh could tell.
One day, while Alhaitham was cooking dinner for the two of them, Kaveh decided to confront him about this change in behaviour.
"What the fuck is your problem, Haitham." Kaveh said calmly, slotting into the seat opposite the counter Alhaitham was currently occupying.
"…I fail to see what you mean. All I'm doing is cooking biryani, as far as i recall you seem to like this dish."
"You know damn well what I mean. Ever since I started dating Amar, you've been off. I thought I'd finally got you tidying away your books, now whenever I try to sit down anywhere I get a damn paperback hitting me in the ass! It's like you're fucking jealous of him or something!"
Alhaitham stopped chopping the vegetables, looking Kaveh in the eye. "I have no problem with who you date. It's none of my business. I've simply been absent-minded lately because of work. Not everything is always to do with you, Kaveh."
"What the fuck do you mean work. We both know you do the barest of minimums in that damn job, you can't possibly care enough about it to start disregarding everything you've been doing! And another thing, OBVIOUSLY I know not everything is to do with me, but even Amar has noticed it!" Kaveh stood up, making his way round to Alhaithams side of the counter, determined to not let this go until he had an answer that satisfied him, "Do you know how many times hes texted me after coming over, saying you were rude to him and that you and I fight all the time! For Archon's sake, Haitham what the hell has got you acting like this?"
Alhaitham stared at Kaveh for a long moment, the blondes words echoing in his ears. Had he really been that bad? He hadn't noticed anything different with his behaviour, obviously he noticed himself picking petty fights more often but he truly had chalked it up to stress. He wasn't jealous of Amar, of that he was certain.
"Kaveh. I honestly don't know what you mean. What reason would I possibly have to dislike the man? I barely even know him, and I don't care to either. I've simply had an uptake in meaningless problems the sages have decided I need to deal with, so that must be all that's affecting me. I apologise for taking it out on you, but it isn't anything to do with you Kaveh. Now if you're done with your tantrum I would like to continue making us dinner, unless you'd prefer us to have cold food, senior?"
With that, Alhaitham returned to preparing the biryani, leaving Kaveh to stew in silence over what he said.
Over the course of the next few weeks, Alhaitham noticed that Kaveh was home less and less often, particularly in the evenings. He was displeased with this break in routine, as the pair had dinner together roughly 5 nights of the week, however now Kaveh was barely home for one or two dinners. "It's no business of mine where you go, but I wish you would enlighten me on whether or not you'll be home for dinner so I know whether I need to wait for your food to grow cold or not." He had texted him after the 7th skipped dinner, receiving a simple "OK." in response. While Alhaitham did not find himself to be a curious man, he couldn't help but wonder what exactly was steering Kaveh away from home so much, and whether it had to do with that partner of his.
One night, Alhaitham was up fairly late engrossed in a book about Tenochtzitoc, Kaveh came stumbling into the room smelling of a different booze, leaning to brace himself on a nearby wall. That was not what Alhaitham noticed, however. What sparked his attention was what the architect was wearing. In place of his usual attire was a sparkling red dress that couldn't have fit him tighter if he tried, and a short black jacket paired alongside a pair of short black heels. His neck adorned with various necklaces complimenting both his dress and his makeup. And oh, his makeup. Alhaitham always saw Kaveh with some subtle eyeshadow, but this was entirely different. The shimmering gold and red eyeshadow, the sharp black eyeliner pointed into a perfect wing, the slight shimmer of highlighter on his cheeks. And the red lipstick. Slightly smudged, but as red as bold as the architect himself, suiting him perfectly. He still had his signature earrings and hair feather, but now his long blonde hair was pinned up in a way that Alhaitham couldn't tell if it was intentional or dishevelled from whatever he had been doing. Drinking in the sight before him, the scribe was unable to tear his eyes away from his roommate, wanting to commit every aspect of this sight to his memory forever. If he was to never see Kaveh after today, this would be the image of him that would always come to mind in reminiscence. However, the illusion was broken when a figure appeared behind him, encircling the blondes waist with his arm. Amar. Alhaitham quickly looked away, coughing slightly as he stood to greet Amar and motioning to take over in assisting Kaveh back to his bed.
"I know where Kavehs bedroom is, Alhaitham. I do not need your help in getting my boyfriend into bed." Amar glared slightly as Alhaitham approached, stiffening his body and holding Kaveh that little bit tighter.
Alhaitham did not miss the emphasis on the word 'my' in Amars sentence. "I'm fully aware that you do. I've certainly heard you in it enough times. I simply want to ensure that Kaveh will be okay come morning, you may not have dealt with him hungover, but I certainly have. Thank you for bringing him home safely, but you may leave now." He stared sharply at Amar, sliding an arm around Kaveh as Amar loosened his grip, bearing the blondes full weight himself.
"Fine. Goodnight, Scribe." Amar said sharply, before turning to exit the apartment.
After the door shut behind him, Alhaitham breathed a sigh of relief, only allowing himself a brief glance at the architect he held in his arms before turning his head toward the bedroom. An unfamiliar pain began to encircle his chest, threatening to swallow him whole. He gently led the blonde to his bedroom, taking care to lower him gently into bed and removing his jacket and shoes, then moving to unhook his necklaces just in case. Placing everything neatly on the chair, Alhaitham turned to leave the room intending to fetch water and medicine for when Kaveh woke up, when he felt a rough hand gently grabbing his own.
"Mmm,, Haitham. Don't goo." Kaveh drunkenly giggled, tugging Alhaithams hand towards him. "Stay with meee I missed youu,," The blonde slurred, not letting his grip on the scribes hand slip, trying to guide him into the bed as he resisted.
"Kaveh, I have to leave. You're drunk and you need rest, whatever you want me to do I wont do it. You aren't in the right state of mind." Alhaitham sighed, freeing his hand from Kavehs own. "I'll be back in a moment with some water for when you wake up, you'd do well to remember to drink it." As he turned to leave he felt a rough hand gently grip his own.
"Mmmm Haitham,,,, don't goo. I want you heere.,," Kaveh giggled, slurring his words as he tried to drag Alhaitham back toward the bed. "'ve missed youu, s'not the same without you with mee,,"
"Kaveh. You're drunk. You aren't in the right state of mind to be having this conversation with me now. I'm going to leave the room now, I'll be back in a moment with some water for when you wake up." Alhaitham motioned toward the door, pausing briefly at the frame to look back on the drunk blonde. His eyes flickering across the figure, committing the sight once more to memory, ensuring that no matter what happens he will remember how the architect looked at that moment. Right then, Alhaitham was certain of one thing and one thing only; he would never love anyone the way he loved Kaveh. With that newfound revelation in his mind, Alhaitham slipped out of the room to fetch the promised water, along with some medication that his roommate should be grateful for in the morning.
Placing them on the bedside table quietly, ensuring he didn't wake the sleeping man, Alhaitham crouched down level with Kaveh, reaching a hand out to caress his face before pausing at his lips. The crimson lipstick now smudged past his lips, and the scribe couldn't help but wipe it away; an unfamiliarly intimate moment that only Alhaitham will know they shared. He slipped away before he did anything he may regret, pausing once more before leaving the room, allowing himself one last look at the beauty before him before retiring to his own room for the night.
A few nights after 'the incident' as Alhaitham decided to dub it, curiosity finally got the better of him. When Kaveh yelled down the corridor that he was leaving, Alhaitham muttered a simple 'fine' in response. He had texted Tighnari in the afternoon querying where Kaveh had been spending his nights, "Just so I know that he is safe.", he had told Tighnari as well as himself. He definitely just needed to ensure that wherever Kaveh was going, he wouldn't get himself into any trouble. The bar name Tighnari gave him wasn't unfamiliar to Alhaitham, but he couldn't say he had ever entered it. It always seemed too crowded, too bright, too loud for him. In all fairness so were most other bars around Sumeru City, but he had grown to be okay with one or two when he frequented them together with Kaveh. This one was uncharted territory, however, and the scribe was less than thrilled about looking for his roommate in such a place.
After putting together a seemingly appropriate outfit- forgoing his usual cape for a simple dark green jacket and adding a slight green shimmer to his eyelids, Alhaitham began to make his way to the bar a short while after Kaveh had left the apartment. Upon entering the bar, the scribe was taken aback by what he saw before him. The place was decorated head to toe in an array of colours and glitters, with lights bouncing every which way. The place was packed but the crowd weren't dancing to any music, rather they were just waiting and staring excitedly at what Alhaitham guessed was some kind of stage. Deep red curtains framed it, a colour similar to the lipstick that hasn't left his mind, and a shimmering golden fabric acting as a backdrop. Everything in the place did nothing but remind Alhaitham of Kaveh, who he had failed to spot so far despite scanning through the crowd at least three times. He wasn't here. Alhaitham was sure of it.
All of a sudden, the lights dimmed and the music shut off, the crowd began to cheer as small spotlights pointed their way toward the stage and Alhaithams eyes focused on the figure appearing from the shadows. He locked onto the person approaching the stage and everything in the room seemed to melt away, until it was only the two of them in the room. He noticed the hair first. A cascade of sunlight coloured hair loosely tied into a bun, with various jewels and small golden chains encircling his head, matching perfectly with those golden earrings Alhaitham knew all too well. Shimmering emerald eyeshadow was brushed effortlessly atop his eyelids and framed by black and gold lines like a modern art piece. And the lipstick. The damn red lipstick. All Alhaitham wanted to do was kiss him until the only red on Kavehs lips was from him. He pried his eyes away long enough to drink in the rest of the blondes outfit, and by the Archons did he drink it in. Another fitting dress as the one he saw that night, only this time it was a shade of green not unlike the shimmer on his eyes, and it was accompanied by a slim gold chain around his waist, matching to the ones on his head. The dress was patterned beautifully with various shades of green sparkles woven into intricate patterns and swirled, shaping the dress into a beautiful work of art, "fitting him perfectly." Alhaitham quietly muttered before being stunned into silence. Kaveh started dancing. Moving in a way that captivated everyone around him, his hips swaying rhythmically to the music Alhaitham didn't even register was playing, his hands following the curves of his body outlined perfectly by the tight dress he was wearing. Alhaitham could die here, right now. He could die now and be wholly content with his life, if this was to be his last view.
And then, they locked eyes. Red contrasting with green. A perfect compliment. The red flush on Alhaithams cheeks matched the blush on Kavehs own. Gone were the cheers and yells of the crowd, all they knew now was each other. In that moment Kaveh wasn't dancing for anyone but him anymore, even if he convinced himself he was. Looking in his eyes, Alhaitham knew. He knew what the blonde was thinking, for it was the same as him.
Kaveh finished his performance, the stage being taken by various other performers captivating the audience members, but Alhaitham didn't care for them. He pushed his way through the crowd locating the backstage area, determined to find the blonde and finally be honest with him. Rounding the corner as Kavehs voice grew louder, Alhaitham halted as he spotted him. One arm wrapped too tight around the blondes waist, his head leaning too close on his shoulder. Too close. He was far too close to Kaveh. As he turned sharply to leave, angered by his lapse in memory, Kaveh's voice called out to him.
"Alhaitham. What the hell are you doing here? How the fuck did you know where I was?" He yelled, freeing himself from Amars grip to catch up with the scribe, determined to get some answers.
"Forget it, Kaveh. It doesn't matter." It had started raining now, not heavy enough to impede them but enough that they both noticed it, with Alhaitham picking up his pace as to not get wet, and Kaveh followed suit.
"Of course it matter Alhaitham. You showed up at the damn bar the same night I was performing. I've never mentioned it to you once! What makes you think it's any of your business what I get up to when I'm not with you?! For fucks sake, Alhaitham why wont you just talk to me!"
They had reached the apartment now, stopped just outside the front door. Alhaitham turned finally to face Kaveh, letting the blonde see him for the first real time that evening. The eyeshadow was smudged by tears, softly trickling down his cheeks as he stared at Kaveh.
"You want me to talk? I'll talk. But can we at least be in the comfort of.. of our home. Please."
"I-" Kaveh was taken aback, he didn't think he ever recalled Alhaitham crying before. Upset? Sure. Angry? Most definitely. But crying? This was new, and he didn't know what to do with it. So he couldn't help himself. He held out his hand, and gently wiped the tears from the scribes cheek, holding his face like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Okay. Okay, we can talk. We can talk inside. Come on, Haiyi."
The pair made their way inside, sitting awkwardly on the couch, neither wanting to say the first word while the rain began to pelt against the window. It was a heavy, uncomfortable silence, the weight of everything from the day present in the air.
"I got your location from Tighnari. He said you'd been frequenting that bar with… with him. I just- I wanted to make sure you were safe. That you weren't getting into any trouble. That he wasn't getting you into any trouble." Alhaitham said finally, his eyes firmly glued to the carpet, not wanting to look at Kaveh for fear of what he'd see. "We'd barely talked in weeks. Then- then you. You came home that night. All dressed up like I'd never seen you before. And he- Amar. Amar was with you. That's when I knew, I think. I- I had to see what you were doing, figure out what you even see in that guy when-"
Kaveh cut him off, gripping his hands in his own, making Alhaitham look him in the face. "Haitham. You know I can take care of myself. I'm smart enough not to put myself in a situation that could turn bad, and I sure as hell wouldn't let Amar take me somewhere like that either. I get you don't like him, that's fine by me, but can't you at least trust me? Why did you feel the need to sneak around, to ask our friend where I was instead of just talking to me yourself?" He was crying too now, his grip on Alhaithams hands tightening, as if afraid that if he were to let go then he would vanish forever. "When I-. When I was on stage tonight, when I saw you in the crowd. Th-that look on your face. I'd never seen you like that. Not ever. The way you looked at me- It was the same look as when you're so deep into a book that you're oblivious to everything around you."
"I-I- I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Watching you on that stage I-. I felt like I was already dead. That I was in Heaven with you before me. Kaveh it was like nothing I have ever seen."
"But- But why? I still don't get why me dressing up like this bothers you so much. I know it isn't my typical style but I'm not that different am I? Seriously Alhaitham, just tell me why it's got you so worked up like this for Archon's sakes I can't read yo-"
Before Kaveh could finish his sentence, Alhaitham leaned over and kissed him. It was a messy clash of tongues and teeth, of fervent energy and years of repression and anger all spilling out at once. Alhaitham grabbed Kaveh's hair with one hand, loosening it from its style as he held onto it, and his other hand fell to the blondes waist and encircling it as Kaveh deepened the kiss. Kavehs own hands grabbed desperately at Alhaithams back, scrambling for purchase as he pushed him down on the couch, making the pair gasp for air.
"Mmph,, wait, Haitham." Kaveh groaned as he slowly pushed off the other, sitting himself upright again. "I- I don't-. What is this? What- what are we? I mean- why did you-" He stammered, not able to connect his thoughts together, too scrambled by all that just happened to get a sentence out.
"Kaveh." Alhaitham gasped, sitting up to be eye-level with Kaveh once again. "I love you. I have loved you for years. I just- I guess I didn't realise it fully until you came home that night. Kaveh you- you looked beautiful. Truly. I mean, you always look beautiful but I think it just hit me that night. I know you're with Amar, it's clear you like the man. And I don't want to do anything to change that but.." Alhaitham sighed, wringing his hands together, trying to think what to say.
"I apologise for kissing you without asking, while knowing you were in a relationship. that was wrong of me. I cannot apologise for loving you, however. I will never apologise for loving you, Kaveh, it is a part of my very being. I've honestly loved you since we first met, I just didn't realise exactly what it was until now. And to answer your previous questions, how you dress doesn't bother me at all, in fact I rather like it. But it was just different, is all. You looked so gorgeous up on that stage that you were all that filled my thoughts, I was wholly consumed by you. And of course I trust you, how couldn't I? But when you started drifting away, spending all your time with Amar, I got jealous. That's why I started acting differently, why I started being unpleasant toward the both of you. I was jealous because I love you. That's all it boils down to."
Alhaitham stared at Kaveh for a long moment, studying his face trying to make out what he was thinking. He saw every conceivable emotion flicker across his face, years of studying people, trying to see the tiniest hints and cues everyone but him seem to be understanding. Years of thinking back on their big fight, picturing Kavehs face. Shielding everything away from Alhaithams sharp gaze, careful to not let the scribe see what he felt, determined to not give himself away. He wasn't doing that now. He saw his roommates face flick through surprise, confusion, embarrassment, guilt. And finally. The one he wanted the most. Love. For possibly the first time Alhaitham can recall, he saw love in Kaveh's eyes. He had seen the kindness and warmth in them plenty of times, but he had never seen such all-encompassing love reflected in his eyes. Alhaitham had dreamed of this moment for longer than he wanted to admit, to see Kaveh finally look at him the same way he looked at Kaveh, recognising that look in his eyes.
"Alhaitham." Kaveh sighed, saying his name like he had never heard it before. Like this was his first time ever saying it. "Do you… Do you really like it when I dress feminine like this? It doesn't,,, gross you out? Make you think of me differently? Not at all?" Tears were welling in his eyes now, weeks of harboured guilt and fear finally being let go.
"No, Kaveh. It doesn't disgust me at all. Nothing you could ever do could make me think differently, negatively, of you. Masculine, feminine, it doesn't matter to me, I will always think of you as the most beautiful creation in the world. I promise you that."
"And… when you said th- that you- I-." He took a deep breath, composing himself enough to continue the conversation. "W-when you said. That you loved me. That all of this was just because you. You love me. Can you promise that you mean it? Promise me that you really love me." He was staring now, doubt and intrigue shadowing his crimson gaze.
Alhaitham grasped the blondes hands tightly, green locking with red, both men staring with a mix of love and determination. "I promise. I truly, honestly promise you that I love you. If you need me to prove it then I shall do everything in my power to make you believe it to be true. You know I am not one for lies, my flower, particularly on matters as important as this."
Kaveh's face flushed at the nickname as he tore his gaze away, unsure how to react. He thought back to earlier in the evening, the look on Alhaithams face as he saw Amar's arm wrapped around his waist, his head on his shoulder. That look of utter defeat. Now he understood why. "Look, Alhaitham I- I gotta tell you. Earlier, backstage. Before I came after you, I broke it off. With Amar. After I saw you in the crowd, the way you were looking at me. I knew I had to end it. He never looked at me like that, like you do. No one else ever did. So I left him, and chased after you."
The scribe was stunned. "He left. He left his partner. For me?" His thoughts echoing in his head, Kaveh's words replaying themselves over and over. "You. You left- Amar. You left Amar?? For me? Forgive me, but I'm confused, Kaveh. Why in Teyvat did you do that?"
It was Kaveh's turn to stare now. "Because I love you, Alhaitham. I love you." Cupping Alhaithams face with his calloused hands, roughened from hours of working on projects, always determined to lend a hand wherever possible to bring his ideas to life, he kissed him. Gentle and slow, savouring the moment. Their lips met over and over, each kiss longer than the last, hungrier, more desperate. Like they were starving and all that would cure it was each other, and they weren't wrong. Their hands wandered, Alhaithams finding their way to Kaveh's waist and hair, and Kavehs mapping the expanse of Alhaithams back, fitting each other perfectly. Toned and effortlessly muscular, "So much for the 'feeble scholar' image!" Kaveh thought as his hands roamed, committing every muscle, every stretch of skin to memory.
Deepening the kiss, Alhaitham pushed Kaveh down so he was flat against the couch, a gasp escaping him as he did so. Their teeth clattered together, Alhaitham's tongue pushing its way into Kavehs mouth determined to taste every inch of the man. Kaveh gripped tightly to the scribes back, nails digging deeper the longer they pressed together like this. Accidentally pressing too deep elicited a moan from Alhaitham, a sound Kaveh was positive he could get drunk off, and so pressed again just to hear that beautiful sound. In response, the hand gently grasping his blonde locks suddenly tightened, making him gasp in excitement as Alhaitham looked down at him, lips swollen and red, and smiling at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. Because to Alhaitham, he was.
"I love you, Kaveh."
"And I love you, Habibi."
Later, they would discuss everything that happened, what they were and how they felt. But not tonight. Tonight they would succumb to their pleasures and wants, learning everything about each other they didn't yet understand.