Chapter Text
Christmas will always be one of Agustín’s favourite times of year.
As a small child, he’d loved the food, the fun songs and of course, the gifts. He’d been rather spoiled around the holidays when he was young; he’d been an only child, after all.
He’s still spoiled now. Pepa goes way overboard on the gifts, but he can’t really say much since he’s just as bad.
But since having a family of his own, his favourite part of the holidays is always spending it with his wife and children.
Children always make Christmas magical; their excitement and enthusiasm for the holiday is contagious and everyone in the house feels it too.
And this year the excitement is even greater; it’s Josefa’s first Christmas.
With it being Josefa’s first Christmas ever, she’ll have no idea what’s going on, but that doesn’t make everyone else any less excited. Having an extra person to buy gifts for is always an exciting time, especially when they’re a baby and there are so many cute clothes and toys out there, just begging to be gifted.
He and Pepa absolutely went overboard on the gifts, but who can blame them? Josefa is their first grandchild, and Alma and Agustín’s own mamá had been exactly the same with Karina when she’d celebrated her first Christmas.
Worse, even. And they didn’t learn their lesson with any of their other grandkids either. There was always so much stuff around; more than a child could possibly wear or play with. A lot of the outfits bought for Karina on her first Christmas had never actually been worn. She’d simply grown out of them too quickly.
The same with the toys; her interest in them was short lived and then they no longer stimulated her. As a result, many of her toys remained more or less in perfect condition since they were hardly played with. And then more toys would be gifted to her the next Christmas and the cycle repeated.
It’s still repeating, even all these years later. All of the grandchildren got way more gifts than they possibly knew what to do with; the gifts are just more age appropriate now of course. For the most part. He remembers Karina starting to get really mature literature very young, and Camila is slowly getting there too. And Diana gets things such as welding equipment, which is not appropriate for a regular eleven year old. But regardless of what they get, they do get a large amount of gifts.
Agustín has lost count of how many books Camila had received last year as an example. She’s managed to read them all, which is impressive. Camila is a very fast and avid reader.
One or two of them she’s read more than once.
And now, Josefa is going to be just as spoiled as everyone else. That only adds to the excitement and fun.
Everyone’s been looking forward to Christmas for weeks because Josefa is there too. Maria of course has been looking forward to it most of all; she’s Josefa’s mother after all, and this is a huge milestone. Every parent looks forward to their baby’s first Christmas, and Maria is no exception.
Even if she has been utterly exhausted lately. As excited as she is, that has cast a dark cloud over Maria’s overall mood.
All in all, Maria is coping well with her responsibilities. Josefa is three and a half months old, so Maria has had plenty of time to practice. At this point, she’s mastered most of the aspects of general baby care, and she’s also gotten to know Josefa as an individual.
It’s easy for a mother to see their baby as an extension of themselves to begin with, and it can take a while to get out of that mindset. It’s actually one of the things that Maria has had the least trouble with (unlike Pepa who struggled with it sometimes); she knows that Josefa is her own person, with her own set of needs and it’s a matter of figuring out what those needs are and how best to meet them.
Maria is really getting the hang of it; she knows that Josefa will become hysterical if not left to wake up naturally (a fact that Pepa learned the hard way); she currently hates wearing socks; she’ll have trouble burping if not held in exactly the right way. All those little things that set Josefa apart from other babies. Maria is getting to know them all.
Agustín and Pepa are proud of her. The whole family is.
That doesn’t mean that things are always easy, and right now, Maria isn’t in the best of moods.
She’s battling overwhelming tiredness because for several nights in a row, Josefa has refused to settle. The reason for it isn’t really known; though the family has a few theories. Teething is one that has come up more than once. Josefa doesn’t have any teeth that they can see yet, but that doesn’t mean that she isn’t teething.
She’s definitely displaying all of the symptoms of it; increased drooling, red gums and of course the inconsolable crying.
For babies, teething is a very painful experience and it’s one of the most common causes of agitation and excessive crying.
Agustín of course doesn’t remember teething himself, but according to his mamá, he’d been in terrible, miserable pain.
Sure, Josefa is still quite young to begin teething, but Maria had also begun teething early. It’s not that uncommon and is often inherited.
Josefa has been awful at sleeping for the past few nights. Both Agustín and Pepa have heard the crying, and Maria’s footsteps as she paces around the house, cuddling a distressed Josefa as she wanders around with her in an attempt to get her to sleep. Pacing with her and holding her seems to work, but she will often wake up and scream again as soon as she’s put into her crib.
Having to repeat this over and over means that Maria has been getting very little sleep herself.
With the lead up to Christmas and the chaos that comes with it, such as gift buying, wrapping and making sure that Josefa’s first Christmas is perfect, of course Maria is more tired than usual. She isn’t even getting a chance to slow down or rest during the day.
She just really needs sleep, and it’s hard for her to be in a good mood when she’s as drained as she is. Of course, she knows it’s not Josefa’s fault, and she’s verbalised this many times, but that doesn’t make the lack of sleep any easier to deal with.
The family has wanted to help, especially Pepa and Agustín, who feel so sorry for Maria when they see her struggling the way she is, especially at night. They both remember being in the trenches of sleep deprivation, and Agustín isn’t sure if either of them have fully recovered from the triplets’ first few months. Sleep deprivation is no joke.
They do offer to help Maria as much as they can, and sometimes Maria accepts. Maria is very determined to do most things on her own, but even she knows her own limits. She seems to appreciate being asked first, rather than one of her parents stepping in and taking over without permission. Pepa had made that mistake before and she’s clearly eager not to repeat it.
If Maria declines their help, they (and the rest of the family, who have also offered to help) have to accept it. When Maria does want help, they make sure to do things exactly as Maria tells them, and if they’re not sure, they ask.
Pepa has had to ask for clarification a few times, and Maria doesn’t seem to mind explaining things more than once if Pepa still isn’t sure. It seems that she would prefer repeating herself as opposed to her mother getting something wrong and there being consequences.
Agustín is really proud of his wife too; her mind races like Maria’s super speed at times, and it’s easy for her to forget boundaries and she often acts before she thinks. She’s making a conscious effort to keep that in check, which can’t be easy when Pepa can’t exactly help the way she is.
But even with the help that Maria sometimes accepts, she’s still exhausted and it’s making it harder for her to enjoy Christmas.
Still, Maria this year is a huge contrast from last year; at least Maria is actually at home and celebrating with them, and Agustín and Pepa won’t have to wander the streets looking for her. Maria is way too tired to escape the house even if she wants to, she says.
In spite of the tiredness, it’s been a wonderful Christmas so far. Actually, the last few days have been a lot of fun. One of the highlights this year has been Karina’s play, of course. Karina’s plays are always something to look forward to, but this year had been different.
At the age of three and a half months, Josefa starred in her first ever play. As Agustín predicted, a little snippet of the traditional nativity scene had been included, and Josefa got to play baby Jesus. She’d been the first choice, of course. She’s Karina’s sobrina after all, so she was always going to be considered.
Other infants had been on standby in case Josefa became unsettled and started to cry (Maria had been on the edge of her seat the entire time, preparing to rescue Josefa should anything happen) but it turned out they weren’t needed. Josefa was calm and quiet the entire time, either dozing or admiring the pretty lights. She’d been perfectly behaved and didn’t cry once.
The worst thing that happened was that she pooped halfway through the scene, so anyone in close proximity had to try and refrain from holding their noses. The younger children couldn’t quite manage it, not that Agustín could blame them. Josefa absolutely stinks when she’s pooped. She can clear a room in a matter of seconds.
He could smell it from several feet away.
Still, she managed to play her part in the show before Maria had to change her. And change her into a new outfit because of course the poop had gone all the way up her back… and down her legs.
It’s a miracle that Josefa didn’t cry, since she usually hates having a soiled diaper.
At least everyone can laugh about it now.
Out of all of Karina’s Christmas plays, this year has been one of the best and it will be hard to top.
God, to think that in a year’s time, Josefa might be toddling around on chubby little legs.
This year, however, Josefa is still a little baby. A little baby who has no idea what Christmas is, but seems to be enjoying it anyway.
She’s spent most of the day being held and showered with attention by various family members and she’s clearly enjoying it.
She received many, many gifts, which didn’t surprise anyone, least of all Maria, who simply rolled her eyes and reminded everyone that Josefa will never be able to wear all of the clothes or play with all of the toys.
She seemed grateful nonetheless, and Josefa seemed particularly interested in toys that were shiny or brightly coloured.
She especially loved the rattle that he and Pepa picked out. It’s not been out of her hand for the entire day, even when she’s napped on and off. Mostly, she’s been happy, but her teething is still obviously affecting her and she’s been a little fussy.
When the fussiness gets particularly bad and Josefa becomes increasingly upset, she tends to want to stay with Maria, snuggling her as she has the most adorable little pout on her face.
She has that pout right now as she sits in Maria’s lap, whimpering. It’s just Maria, Josefa, Agustín and Pepa downstairs right now; everyone else is upstairs getting ready for midnight mass.
“She looks so sad.” Pepa coos, stroking the bottom of Josefa’s little foot. It’s been a great day full of gifts, laughter and probably way too much food, but it’s been tiring too. “Are those mean teeth bothering you, mi vida?”
“You’d be sad too if you had bones breaking through your gums.” Maria grumbles. She didn’t say it unkindly, but it’s obvious that she’s tired and isn’t in the mood to go to midnight mass.
“Fair point.” Pepa nods, moving her hand away from Josefa’s foot because the look on her face is obviously one of a baby who does not want to be tickled right now. Josefa looks grumpy and uncomfortable, but she also looks sleepy. With any luck, the fresh air on the walk to midnight mass will be enough to knock her out for an hour or two.
“I’m to fucking tired.” Maria groans. “I can’t wait until this thing is over. I just want to sleep.”
Agustín believes her; Maria’s eyes are red from where she’s been rubbing them so much throughout the day. She managed to nap on and off while Josefa was being held by someone else, but it hadn’t been enough for her to be rested. She probably only napped for five minutes at a time.
But she’s still determined to take Josefa to midnight mass.
“We believe you.” Agustín nods. “We’re sure that Josefa will enjoy her first midnight mass, even if she’s too young to remember it.”
He remembers all of his children’s first midnight mass, but they obviously don’t. Karina had been so little then, still a newborn. The triplets had been only slightly older, and Maria had been older but of course still a baby. Such a good baby, too. She slept the whole time.
Agustín remembers his pride (mixed with annoyance) when the whole town came up to him and Pepa, wanting to admire their babies.
It’s another big milestone in parenthood.
“Well yeah, she won’t remember it, but the people out there will.” Maria says, gesturing in the direction of the window. She’s talking about the villagers. “And so will I. It isn’t interesting to me, but this might mean something to her one day. And this will be an opportunity for Josefa to meet people and hopefully when she’s older she’ll have an easier time making friends. I don’t want her to be shut in or excluded. I don’t want to miss an opportunity because I didn’t take her to her first mass just because I don’t want to go. Besides, not going will just reinforce what people already think of me; that I’m not a good mother and I’m selfish for not going to mass and doesn’t care about her. Or that I’m hiding from the gossip and that I’m ashamed and hiding away with my baby because I’m ashamed of her. I’m not giving any of those idiots the satisfaction. I’m fucking tired and I don’t like going, but I can suck it up for this. I don’t give a shit what most of them think of me, but I’m not going to let them think the same about Josefa before she’s even old enough to prove anything or have a voice. I’m her mother and it’s my job to make sure she gets every chance.”
There have been many times in the past few months that Agustín has felt proud of Maria, and this is one of them. Maria is putting her own desire to sleep and recover aside because she wants to do what’s best for Josefa. She’s already concerned about Josefa’s future and her being isolated and friendless. That probably has a lot to do with the fact that Maria had been isolated as a small child; no one wanted to play with her because of her behaviour and she spent a lot of time alone.
Pepa had been the same, and even though she seems content with not having friends now, it deeply affected (and to be honest, damaged) her for many years. She didn’t escape from it unscathed at all, even if Pepa is convinced that she did.
Maria doesn’t want that for Josefa. Not when she can do something about it early on.
Pepa looks touched by it too.
Maria has really come a long way.
“We’re proud of you for pushing through even though you’re tired.” Pepa says. “And you’re right, this might be important for Josefa one day and she should be included. And when we get home, hopefully you’ll be able to sleep.”
“Mm.” Maria grumbles. Josefa is starting to wiggle and whine. “If she’ll let me. I’m going to nurse her and change her into her dress. I’ll meet you in the courtyard.”
Maria picks a still whimpering Josefa up and carries her towards the stairs.
Agustín smiles a little as he takes Pepa’s hand, gently pulling her in the direction of the stairs. They need to get ready too.
“Remember when ours were that small?” He chuckles.
“Yeah.” Pepa sighs, sadly. “It was so long ago but feels like it was yesterday at the same time. I miss it.”
“Me too.” He nods in reply. “I don’t miss the teething or the sleepless nights though. I feel so bad for Maria right now.”
“I know, so do I.” Pepa agrees. “But she knows we’re here for her if she needs us. As long as we, and by ‘we’ I mean mostly me, don’t overstep and take over. That’s where I went wrong before and she’s managing way better than some mothers in their twenties. She’s nowhere near as much of a mess as Julieta was with Emmanuel.”
That’s very true. Julieta had been so convinced that Emmanuel hated her when he was a baby.
Maria definitely seems to have settled into her role as a mother well, even if it’s hard at times. The love she has for Josefa is clear.
“She’s doing great.” Agustín nods in agreement. “I hope that she’ll come and get us tonight if it gets too much though. She needs a few hours of sleep at least.”
“We’ll see.” Pepa says. They’ve reached their room by now and are retrieving their outfits from where they’re hanging on the back of the door. “Hopefully Josefa will sleep better tonight after being at church.”
They can only hope.
Pepa usually takes a while to get ready if she’s unsupervised, but with Agustín there to keep her in check and undistracted, they manage to get dressed and look presentable on time.
Everyone is downstairs already, except for Maria, who takes another couple of minutes to show up.
God, he has to do a double take when he sees Maria; she’s chosen to wear her hair in a braid tonight. She’s done it a few times lately; she used to wear her hair down, but she quickly learned that it’s more practical to wear it up now she has a baby.
She learned that the hard way when changing one of Josefa’s diapers; Maria had somehow ended up with a little poop in her hair and had failed to notice for the entire day.
Until Antonia pointed it out to her:
“What’s that in your hair?”
Maria had looked, and groaned at what she found.
“Shit… it’s shit.”
Agustín has never seen anyone move so fast to wash their hair.
So yes, now she has her hair away from her face. It’s getting long and the split ends need cutting, but she’s yet to come to Agustín for a trim. Perhaps he’ll try offering her one again tomorrow.
Her hair is the least of her worries right now, as long as it’s clean, brushed and out of her face, she isn’t too worried about split ends.
But when her hair is in a braid, she looks even more like Pepa. She’s already the image of her mother; she’s just shorter and her hair is straight.
She’s carrying a now sleeping Josefa, who looks so beautiful in her deep blue (almost black) dress. Maria had asked for it specifically for midnight mass. Sure, Josefa doesn’t really match everyone else, but she looks lovely nonetheless. Dark blues and greens seem to really fit Josefa the best with her hair and complexion, which is something that Maria often takes into consideration.
And more importantly, she’s content and not crying.
“She fell asleep while nursing. That was kind of the point of me nursing her.” Maria sighs. “I’m hoping she’s sleeping deeply enough to not wake up at all. I don’t really want her crying through the whole thing.”
“It won’t really matter if she does.” Alma chuckles. She’s wearing a nice dress in a shade of pink; the one she’s worn for several years in a row. “Karina cried on and off through her first midnight mass. No one minded, everyone thought she was cute.”
“Yeah well, that’s Karina.” Maria snorts. “Everyone loved her. I’m sure if Josefa cries I’ll be glared at like I kicked a puppy because they all think I’m a piece of shit.”
As sad as it is to hear, Maria does have a point. The people of the Encanto are very selective when it comes to gossip, and Maria has been a big target of gossip. She’s already under scrutiny because of her past behaviour and simply because she isn’t liked by many people.
When certain villagers decide that they don’t like someone, they have no mercy for them when it comes to gossip and rumours. Pepa has been a target since she was five, and Maria is an even bigger one.
“Don’t worry about it.” Karina says. “Anyone who says their baby hasn’t cried at least once in church is a liar. I mean you didn’t cry, but you were so relaxed that mamá and papá would get scared you weren’t breathing. But seriously, they don’t have their own lives so they have to become obsessed with someone else’s. You know you’re a good mom, that’s all that matters.”
“I don’t care what they think about me.” Maria snorts. “I’m just saying that’s how it will be and I care about how Josefa is treated. Plus, Josefa doesn’t have the now stereotypical Madrigal red hair, so that’s obviously going to lessen their view of her.”
Again, Agustín wishes he could disagree with that, but the villagers seem to have become obsessed with the fact that there are so many redheaded Madrigals. And not really in a good way; Pepa brags about there being so many more redheads in the Encanto because of her, but that’s simple, fun talk. She’s very proud of her little army of redheads and she boasts about her genes winning four times out of six, but there’s nothing malicious in it.
The villagers will ignore the fact that Josefa looks like a carbon copy of Pepa and Maria in terms of facial features, and focus on the fact that Josefa’s hair is dark. Then of course they’ll start to theorise over who Josefa’s father is once more.
It’s almost like she can’t be a “real” Madrigal if she’s not a redhead.
It makes no sense when so many other family members of their family aren’t even redheads. But people are so fascinated about Pepa and Agustín having so many of them; it’s quite uncommon for there to be this many redheads belonging to one family when one parent (in this case, Agustín) has dark hair.
The redheaded population in the family is now so strong that the red hair has become a “Madrigal trait.”
A lot of people in town expected Josefa to have red hair like Maria for this reason, and seemed almost disappointed that she didn’t.
As if it even matters. Josefa is beautiful and healthy, and that’s all that should matter.
Her hair colour shouldn’t determine how well she’s going to be treated, but Maria has obviously considered it as a reason that her daughter will be ostracized.
It’s saddening, honestly. Especially when realistically speaking, Josefa probably would not have red hair at all, because the father would need to have the gene too, and very few people do.
Whatever the reason, everyone knows that Maria is going to be the topic of gossip. Maria knows it herself.
As they take the short walk to the church, there are a few clouds in the sky and also one above Pepa’s head. No doubt she’s feeling anxious and also angry in advance on Maria’s behalf. She just wants this experience of Josefa’s first midnight mass to be a positive one, and Agustín feels the same.
They don’t want their daughter and granddaughter to be the topic of nasty gossip, but it’s almost a guarantee that they will be. The villagers don’t learn no matter how many times they’re told off.
Maria doesn’t care what people think of her, but the gossip still isn’t nice for her family to hear.
No matter what she’s done in the past and how she’s behaved, they love her and they’re extremely proud of her for the effort she’s putting in to be the best mother to Josefa.
If the villagers (and of course, he’s not speaking for all of them. There are decent people too, such as his friend group and a few other acquaintances. There are a fair few who he’d never consider as friends. Not after how they treated Pepa. That had already cemented the fact that he’ll never like them, and when they then started to go after his children and members of his extended family, he’d been even more furious) were decent people, they would see that Maria is perfectly capable and she’s doing a good job.
But no, these people need something to gossip about. They’re never going to learn, no matter how many times they’ve been told off or put in their place. Even after Karina told them off on her twentieth birthday, they’ve still not really learned from it.
Especially since Maria got pregnant. That had been like the best piece of gossip ever to them.
Of course, before that, they had Julieta and Félix to gossip about. As much as the family try and keep things private, the Madrigals are always under scrutiny and even the slightest hint that all is not well is enough to get the rumours started. Of course, Félix and the kids leaving home temporarily wasn’t going to go unnoticed.
Neither was the obvious tension in Julieta and how she seemed to have fallen out with the vast majority of her family. It didn’t take a genius to work out that things weren’t right, and so the speculation and the gossip began.
“Are they getting divorced?”
“Julieta of all people has a failed marriage and not Pepa?”
“This is just proof that shotgun weddings don’t work out.”
“I wonder why no one’s talking to her. She must have done something really bad. She’s meant to be the good one. If it was Pepa I wouldn’t even question it, but Julieta?”
And on and on. It would have gone on for much longer if Maria’s pregnancy hadn't been discovered.
The turnaround was immediate; Julieta’s marriage troubles became old news, especially since she and Félix seemed to be working things out. She wasn’t interesting anymore.
A teenage pregnancy is always a big topic of gossip. And of course, when it’s a Madrigal (particularly a Madrigal who is often a topic of gossip anyway, like Maria) there’s no way it was going to be ignored.
Maria was talked about constantly through the entire pregnancy.
And now that Josefa is born, the gossip hasn’t slowed down. If anything, it’s gotten more intense.
Now they have Maria’s parenting skills (or lack of, according to the villagers) to judge.
When they get to the church, most of the town is there already. As soon as they spot Maria with Josefa, the atmosphere seems to change, and it’s like Maria is being watched. Everything she does is under observation, even the way she’s holding Josefa. The villagers are trying to be subtle about it, but that’s never been a strength of theirs. They’ve stopped their conversations just to turn and look at her. It can’t get more obvious than that.
Maria ignores the disapproving looks of the general public, and goes over to Angelica and Marco to say hello. Agustín follows her with Pepa as he holds her hand.
He tries to ignore the whispers and the mutterings of the villagers; if it gets much worse, he will say something. For now though, Maria seems unfazed and he doesn’t want to draw even more attention to her by losing his temper.
Right now, things are pretty mild, and he hopes that they’ll get bored faster when they realise they’re not getting any attention from their ridiculously immature behaviour.
The sight of Angelica and Marco is enough to make Pepa’s cloud disappear; they’ve always been a source of comfort for her.
The rest of the family have dispersed to chat to extended family or friends; he sees that Karina has spotted Valeria with her family and she’s gone over to chat with her.
The triplets are with Alma talking to Señora Guzmán.
Angelica smiles as she hugs Agustín, then Pepa, before turning to greet Maria and Josefa.
She loves being a bisabuela as much as she loves being an abuela. She adores little Josefa.
“And how is my favourite bisnieta today?” Angelica coos as she strokes Josefa’s little cheek; Josefa is still sleeping soundly, with her little face smushed into Maria’s chest, muffling her loud snores. A little fist clutches the fabric of Maria’s dress; she looks so snuggly and content, which is nice to see when she’s been in so much pain with her teeth.
“A fucking nightmare to tell you the truth.” Maria snorts. “It isn’t her fault, though. She’s suffering with her teeth and she can’t sleep, so naturally I can’t either. I’d let you hold her but I don’t want to wake her up. She’ll bawl through the whole of mass otherwise and you know how she gets if she doesn’t get enough sleep.”
“That’s fair.” Marco nods. “We can just admire her from a distance. Agustín had been terrible when he was teething. Angelica had to hold him the whole time or he’d shriek.”
Angelica hums.
“That made him even more clingy than usual. My back still hasn’t recovered from pacing around the house with him.” She smiles at Josefa once more. “She’s getting so big.”
“She likes her food.” Pepa giggles. “I mean I live under the same roof as her, and every morning I swear she’s gotten bigger overnight.”
Agustín nods in agreement. Josefa is growing into quite a robust baby. When being held by Maria, who is still technically growing herself, she looks even bigger.
They all chat for a little while longer, until it’s about time for everyone to go inside and take their seats. Midnight mass will begin in a few minutes.
It’s less than a minute after the Madrigal’s take their seats at the front that Josefa begins to stir a little. She isn’t waking up fully yet, but she’s whimpering. It could be a bad dream, or her teeth are bothering her again, or perhaps both.
Maria is sitting next to Agustín, and Karina is on her other side, and they can both see that Josefa is going to struggle to stay asleep through the mass.
Maria shushes her, stroking her cheek in an attempt to quieten her down.
“It’s okay. Mami’s here.” She whispers.
Babies crying during midnight mass is pretty much a guarantee; Agustín is never bothered by it at all. What he is bothered by is the conversations he can hear going on around him.
He’s pretty sure he can hear Helena talking with her friends, and others are also joining the very loud, very unsubtle gossiping session about Maria and Josefa.
He hasn’t turned to see who is actually speaking; he doesn’t want to give these people any attention for their bullshit, but he can absolutely recognise Helena’s voice.
She’s the loudest and he’s heard her talk way too much for his liking.
Instead, he looks straight ahead, trying not to show on his face how annoyed he’s getting.
“I have no idea why her parents allowed her to get pregnant so young, let alone keep the baby. It’s just plain irresponsible. Look at her, she can’t even support that poor baby’s head correctly. No wonder she’s starting to cry.”
“I know, it’s appalling. Kids shouldn’t be having kids.”
“It’s Maria Madrigal, what do you expect?”
Agustín clenches his fists, doing his best to ignore the whispering and the muttering. He just wants to enjoy mass without having to deal with this. Helena clearly wants a reaction and attention. It’s no wonder Ernesto had left home as a teen to live somewhere else because he was fed up by his mother. He’s not much younger than Maria, and had left home around the time she had revealed that she was pregnant. He sits together with Paola, his girlfriend, and her mother, visibly rolling his eyes at Helena. The fact that Helena’s oldest, Miguel, used to be part of Maria’s friend group and also have behavior issues is something Helena seems to be too stupid to admit as well, as there’s no problem when one of her own children misbehaves.
When mass begins, he’d think that people would be quiet, but that’s not the case. It never is.
The readings and the priest speaking isn’t even enough to stop the whispering and the gossip. Unfortunately, the priest is used to this by now, he just keeps talking; this isn’t uncommon, especially from people like Helena. She doesn’t care that she’s in church, she won’t stop her conversation for anything.
It’s really distracting and hard to focus on what he’s actually supposed to be listening to when he’s hearing constant whispers, insults and speculation about his daughter and granddaughter. The insults and the comments are really hard to ignore.
Not to mention, that it’s really fucking disrespectful to everyone in this church. It’s okay for babies to cry and for children to chatter; they don’t know any better. They don’t understand the importance of mass, but they will when they’re old enough to comprehend it. Until then, it’s only natural that there will be some noise.
These are grown adults who should know that this is not the time or place to be having such a conversation.
Even Maria, who isn’t interested in mass at all and is only here for her family and Josefa, is respectful enough to be quiet and at least pretend to listen.
He’s sure that Maria can hear everything being said about her, and she’s still staying quiet under extreme provocation.
Then again, perhaps she’s too tired to bother. Josefa isn’t falling back into her deep sleep; she keeps kicking her leg like she’s going to wake up, and Maria whispers to her to try and soothe her. That’s about as much noise as Maria makes.
It’s others who are causing the problems and making everyone uncomfortable.
They seriously can’t even be quiet during mass? Are their lives really that dull that they have to constantly talk about others and can’t take a break from it at church of all places?
The gossip has moved onto the dress that Josefa is wearing.
“What is that poor baby even wearing? It’s so dark and depressing. It’s not suitable at all. And it looks miles too small. It’s probably pinching Josefa.”
“I know. It’s so dark and depressing. It’s not suitable for midnight mass at all. This is supposed to be a special occasion, but that dress is really off-putting.”
Are they being serious right now? They’re being disrespectful and talking through mass, and they’re worrying about a dress (an infant’s dress, at that) ruining the vibe?
It’s a beautiful dress and Josefa looks adorable.
By this point, Josefa is starting to become more and more unsettled. She’s woken up now and is starting to cry more.
Despite the fact that another baby is also crying towards the back of the church, Agustín hears people groan dramatically when they hear Josefa cry.
She’s not even crying that much.
“Of course she’s going to cry and distract everyone. Maria isn’t even bothering to try and keep her quiet.”
“She probably doesn’t know how to or doesn’t care. You can tell just by looking at her that she has no parenting skills. Who lets a kid cry like that?”
“Are you really surprised? She can’t even conduct herself like a human being, let alone a parent.”
The hypocrisy is unbelievable. Everyone has had a baby cry at mass. Maria is not special. Agustín doesn’t hear any complaints about the baby who is actually crying louder than Josefa.
When Karina cried during midnight mass, it was cute and no one complained.
But apparently it’s different for Josefa; Maria had been right earlier.
Maria lifts Josefa over her shoulder and rubs her back in an attempt to soothe her, but Josefa is having none of it. She’s tired, in pain and she seems confused because she fell asleep at home, cuddled with her mami, and now she’s woken up in church and not in her crib.
It must be confusing to be a baby at times. It’s no wonder she’s fussy.
The gossip doesn’t stop as mass continues. It doesn’t even stop during the chant that signals the time to take communion.
As everyone who will be taking communion stands up, it’s obvious that the Madrigals are not happy. Karina in particular looks ready to snap. They’re all trying their best to keep it contained; unlike certain other people, they don’t want to make a scene at mass and they want to be respectful.
Nothing discourages Helena and her associates, and the gossip continues.
Maria is being shown no mercy, especially since Josefa hasn’t gone back to sleep. She’s way too awake and uncomfortable for that now, and it’s really hard to comfort her.
Maria doesn’t look anxious or worried, she’s simply matter of fact as she tries her best. Babies cry and fuss, and she knows that Josefa will pick up on anxiety and the crying will get worse.
Maria tries to nurse Josefa, but the infant turns her head away. She’s not hungry; she’s uncomfortable because of her teeth and she’s unsettled in a different environment.
She whines and grunts.
“See?” Helena - that’s definitely Helena - says. “Look at the look on Maria’s face. She looks bored and uninterested and she isn’t even trying. I feel so sorry for Josefa; her mother is clearly emotionally unavailable. I bet the poor baby isn’t even shown an ounce of love.”
“Well that’s hardly surprising, is it? You know what Maria is like.”
Agustín is relieved when mass finally ends, but also highly annoyed that Josefa’s first midnight mass has been tainted by the actions of people who can’t keep their mouths shut.
And unbelievably, they’re still talking.
The only time they’d actually stopped was when they had to sing. If they hadn’t, he’s sure that Antonia who had been leading the choir for years would make it personal. Apart from that, the gossip had been relentless and cruel.
At least Josefa is a little calmer. She doesn’t look happy but she’s quieter.
“I really have no idea what she thinks she’s doing here.” Helena says. People are beginning to leave to go home now, but Helena and her group are more interested in airing their demeaning and insulting opinions as they leave the church. The Madrigals aren’t far behind and can hear every word. “She didn’t even come to mass last year. She only brought Josefa here to show off how cute she is, like she’s some kind of accessory. It’s disgusting. Josefa is a human being and not a possession. Look at the poor thing; she’s miserable. Maria has no idea how to look after a baby and I bet no one bothered to teach her.”
“Well look at who Maria’s mother is; Pepa would be no help. She’s too busy having her meltdowns and temper tantrums to be a decent mother. She was okay when her kids were babies but just look at how Maria is turning out. She and Agustín let things slip and it shows. Why do you think Maria got pregnant in the first place? No care or supervision. Maria doesn’t even know who the father is, and she doesn’t even care. I’ve never seen anything so irresponsible in my life.”
“There’s absolutely no way she should have kept Josefa. She’s going to turn out the same way, drinking when she’s fourteen and probably a teenage parent herself. Look at the example that Maria sets. Maria doesn’t love that baby, she only pretends to. She doesn’t love anyone but herself. I don’t think she’s even capable of loving anyone else, including her own kid.”
“I completely agree. There is something wrong with Maria, and now she’s passing that onto an innocent baby. She’s a screw up and that baby will be a screw up. She shouldn’t have had kids, period. She’s too selfish for that.”
At that, Agustín’s anger boils over. So does Pepa’s. The cloud above her head finally thunders.
They both want to give these people a piece of their minds, but Karina gets there first. She’s red faced and furious.
“What the fuck even is your problem?”
At once, any chatter from people around them stops. For a second, it’s so eerily silent that Agustín would have been able to hear a pin be dropped into the grass. It’s so silent that he swears he can hear his own heartbeat as everyone around has stopped in their tracks and tensed up. Karina screaming loudly, red faced and angry could only mean one thing, and no one wanted to get in the way of her. Karina’s decade and a half in theater is also helping, she’s able to have a loud and firm voice, making her sound all the more strict and terrifying to most people, which is currently doing her favors. Time and time again, people know better than to purposely cross Karina. When her temper finally boils over, she’s outright terrifying, and you do not want to cross her in such a state.
To be honest, Agustín would be more wary of a furious Karina, than he would have been of Maria before she got pregnant. Because while Maria acted out and had a short fuse, what she did could pale in comparison to what Karina would be able to do if she actually decided to do something, the only thing holding her back was self restraint. Her lashing out so rarely makes these moments all the more terrifying. Well, not to him and the rest of the family, since they know that they’re not the ones to have crossed her. No, they’re all on the same side, all furious about how Maria is being treated, especially when she hasn’t done anything wrong today and is clearly trying her very best to be a mother, and she’s a very good one for her age as well. But of course none of her achievements are being noticed by the villagers who just want a scapegoat to gossip about, and everyone’s patience is running thin.
At first Helena doesn’t seem to care to respond, and Karina is having none of that. She walks closer with firm steps, not stopping for anything as she stands eye to eye with Helena, looking down at her. She’s half a head taller than Helena, but even if she was as short as Maria, or Félix, the way she carries herself makes her absolutely terrifying right now.
“You Helena, I’m fucking talking to you. And I’m fucking talking to everyone here as well. Now, I’m asking you all again, what the fuck is your problem? Don’t any of you, but especially you not have a fucking life? All of you are just gossiping, and you’re the one literally spreading and encouraging everything. You all got such fucking gall to go to church like this and be disrespectful to literally everyone else there!”
“You’re all fucking idiots who think you’re entitled to all the details of our private lives, and then you judge us for literally everything without actually knowing us. You know nothing about us but believe you do, and you believe you have the right to spread gossip and rumors because you just believe you know everything about us because talking bad about something is the only way you can feel better about yourself, and that’s fucking pathetic! You always need to talk shit about someone to feel better about yourself and because you can’t mind your own fucking business. You always want to hurt someone and turn someone into a scapegoat because that’s just plain entertainment for you. The audacity you have! If it’s not me, it’s my parents, or my tíos, or my siblings, or literally anyone else. You think the worst of us because it’s fun to gossip and you get a power trip about trying to make people ashamed of who they are because they’re not who you want us to be. Seriously, get a life and act like an adult! All of you!”
While Karina’s focus is on Helena, she gestures for everyone in the village. Her face is even darker out of rage as she raises her voice. She’s still the only one who speaks, her voice ringing out into the night.
“The gossip and rumors and scapegoating is getting old real fucking fast. It’s like you need to cling onto every little thing and milk it as much as possible to hurt people, and what kind of people do that make you? Surely not people fit to take communion, which most of you did when you were actually not deserving. And I bet none of you actually confessed this behavior as a sin to be forgiven, which means you’re all taking communion in sin while you think so highly of yourself and trying to hurt people. And don’t think I didn’t see the eye rolls you gave Maria for not taking communion as if you all so conveniently forgot that she’s breastfeeding. Then if she’d done it, that is what you would have complained about instead! You’re just trying to invent things going wrong in your head so that you can gossip and belittle and hurt people without feeling any guilt, because you somehow need to try to shame people to feel good about yourself, don’t think that I haven’t noticed. And now it’s getting too far!”
She keeps gesturing with her hands. Her voice seems to growl in her throat as she spits out what she’s saying with anger.
“I’m fucking fed up with it, and so is everyone else. You keep gossiping and whispering and saying vile things. We’re used to it because you’re all frankly fucking idiots, and now you’ve reached another level of entitled stupidity because you can’t even keep your fucking mouth shut during a very important religious ceremony! I don’t fucking care if it’s not important to you, it’s not that important to me either, but it’s so fucking disrespectful to literally everyone there to not be polite and stay silent. You’re too up your own ass to even be quiet during mass and that says more about you than it does about us, because not only are you disrespecting everyone you talk shit about like my family, but you’re disrespecting the priest, and literally everyone who goes to mass who want to be a part of it, especially to the people who find mass to be incredibly important. It’s about common fucking decency and respect, and you’ve just proved that you have none! Not to mention the way you speak about people, especially how you’re treating Maria and Josefa. First of all, Josefa is a fucking baby! She’s not even four months old and you’re already starting to treat her like a scapegoat or like a mistake or like she doesn’t belong in our family, or that she’s not a part of it and that she shouldn’t be, and you’re already starting to judge a baby who hasn’t even started to eat solid foods yet like she’s a fucking devil! You’re giving her a reputation and tend to isolate and exclude her before she’s even learned to crawl when babies are innocent! It just shows how you want to prey on the weakest and most innocent to hurt them because you have a fucking power trip! All of you who talk about it are guilty of it, and everyone who didn’t tell people to stop are all equally as guilty. You should all be ashamed of yourself!”
Karina’s voice grows louder. By now, it echoes through the entire village and everyone can hear her. Everyone is paying attention. The loud violent screaming has started to upset Josefa though, and she’s starting to cry, much louder than she had during midnight mass.
“First you shame a baby for crying during mass, when you ignored like two other babies who did the same simply because she’s Maria’s. When I was a baby you all found it cute, so there’s the plain hypocrisy. And you all think that Josefa being fussy at mass is a sign that she’s a bad mother when everyone has had a baby cry in mass at least once, but it’s only a problem when it’s Maria’s baby because once again, you want a fucking scapegoat. She wasn’t even properly crying unlike the other babies, but nope you decided you needed to keep talking about that and spew shit through the entire ceremony instead of being considerate to everyone else, and minding your own business. You see how I waited until after mass to tell you this, because I was not going to be disrespectful and interrupt it for the people who find it important, because I respect them, something you do not. But you kept talking and I know exactly why. You wanted to try to set Maria off and were doing your very best to antagonize her because you wanted her to cause a scene so that you’d have more reasons to justify your cruelty and behavior, but she ignored you too because she knows that you’re all full of shit and were trying to antagonize her. You’re just too fucking obsessed with things that you have nothing to do with and are trying to find ways to justify your behavior and obsessive entitlement to the point that you’re trying to cause a scene to break out during a religious holiday because you want fucking entertainment, and that’s something you should be ashamed of! This delusional self righteousness is going to end up biting you in the ass when you’re dead and you’re confused about why the fuck you ended up in hell, I’ll tell you that! Because God doesn’t care if you have a bad comprehension of good and bad behavior, not when you’re purposely hurting people like this and disrespecting everyone! Especially in a church!”
Agustín can visibly see how people are growing pale as Karina keeps screaming. And she shows no sign of stopping. Good, they need to realize how their behavior is affecting others. They need the wake up call.
“You all are trying to turn a baby into a scapegoat, and you’re just antagonizing Maria and spreading lies and theories about her as if you know everyone when none of you live with her. You know nothing about Maria or Josefa and our family life, you just like to pretend you do and you make up things to make yourself feel better and less of a failure than you all are! And you’re just judging people for things that are completely irrelevant too, and not to mention the victim blaming and the frank bullying of children. And then you just all assume that Maria is a bad mother without actually getting to know her, when I can absolutely vouch for the fact that she’s a better and more engaged mother at sixteen than many of you will ever be as adults. Josefa is going to turn out way better than tons of your kids, because you’re too busy trying to gossip and hurt people instead of actually paying attention to your kids. You care for them without actually caring, while Maria is caring for Josefa with everything she’s got. You just assume she is a bad mother because of past behavior, but past behavior is not the same as new behavior at all! Maria has done things, yes, she’s been called out for those and have had to face the consequences. Here she’s being punished for something when she’s done nothing wrong at all, simply because you want someone to punish. Is it because you get off to punishing and ostracizing a teenager and her infant? Do you like having power and hurting people?”
“Maria has done nothing wrong with Josefa so far, and she’s a great mother and should be judged for her intent and her actions now, not just imaginary scenarios in your head. She’s doing way better than most of you will. I would never be able to take care of a baby as well if I wanted kids even now when I’m in my twenties! And Maria is alone. You’re all shaming her for the kid not having a father, but why would we ever want a person like that near a vulnerable child? That’s just asking for disaster. Maria is not a bad parent because there is no father, it actually shows how good of a parent she is and all the time and effort she puts down doing all of this on her own, because she does love and care for her daughter! We all see it! She’s taking being a mother more seriously than so many of you do, and some of you have half a dozen kids. It’s honestly embarrassing that a sixteen year old single mother is a way better equipped parent than so many of you when you’re adults in your thirties and forties in a two parent household. It says more about you than it does about her. You’re all too busy trying to be better than others, to the point you’re trying to grasp at straws and find wrong things with Maria’s parenting, as if her not being a first time mother is not relevant either. I’m furious about that, especially since I’m hearing you all say she’s a bad mom simply from looking tired when she has a teething infant! Anyone who has had a baby knows that you’re going to be tired. She was tired all day, she wanted to be home and sleep and recover, but did she do that? No! She went to church because it is Josefa’s first mass and she wanted her to be included in the community, but you’ve already decided to punish a baby and ostracize her for the simple crime of existing. And I’m having none of it, so now you better fucking get your heads out of your assess and go the fuck home and stop trying to involve yourselves in other people’s lives! Your fun is over, go and grow the fuck up! Right now, your very existence is just fucking tragic because your identities aren’t even your own, you’re revolving yourself around other people.”
Karina takes a deep breath, signaling that she’s done speaking. He felt the anger and frustration in every word, and he related to every part of it. He couldn’t have said it better himself.
The crowd is still silent, and Helena looks pale and offended, as if she can’t believe that Karina has had the audacity to speak to her, along with everyone else like that. Some in the crowd share similar expressions, others appear to look ashamed. And good, Agustín wants them to be ashamed and have a long internal conversation and take a long look at their behavior.
As everyone is still silent, Josefa’s crying is almost deafening, even if it’s not too loud at all. But in the middle of the night and in such silence, it’s almost piercing. Maria walks up to Helena before looking over at all the villagers. She looks enraged and tired, it’s clear that she’s holding herself back. She holds Josefa close to her chest as she cries. Then she speaks. Not screaming, but speaks with a firm yet icy tone to her voice, showing that she’s had enough.
“I’m too tired to deal with all of you and your fucking bullshit, and you should be happy for that. Because of you, Josefa is crying, and I am pissed. If you had actually been well mannered and respectful, Karina wouldn’t have needed to scream and call you out in the first place. Karina’s screaming absolutely startled her, and the only reason she needed to in the first place is because she lost her patience with you, so this is all your fault. I’ll remember whose fault it is when I become even more sleep deprived, because it’s not fair that she’s going to be upset and not be able to settle because of you. Don’t you dare say it’s Karina, because Karina never screams for good reason. Just be happy that it’s Karina handling you and that I’m too tired. Because I’m not going to allow you to judge or hurt my child before she’s not even been able to develop into her own person. You’re going to regret hurting someone who doesn’t even deserve to be hurt. Now, go home, do whatever the fuck you want. I want to go home and try to settle my baby. She’s clearly uncomfortable around all of you, and I’ll have you know, she loves people. Let that sink in. Merry Christmas, this is clearly the spirit of it, is it? It’ll be so funny to have to lie about Josefa’s first midnight mass when she’s old enough to start asking about it.”
Maria’s words hold a heavy power. The weight of them seems to set in as people actually remember what day it is. Agustín doesn’t care about any eventual regret or a quick apology to try to make amends in a frenzy. No, the villagers get to deal with this and any eventual guilt on their own. He and the rest of the family decide to go back home, because why waste more time with people that aren’t deserving of it?
They’re all tired, and they all want to go home and sleep.
If Josefa can’t settle, he’ll gladly tend to her for an hour or two if Maria asks. He hopes she does, because she really deserves to catch up on sleep after all of this. She’s clearly shown what matters.