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The first time it happens, they're backstage preparing for a performance. Jungwon can barely focus from the hustle and bustle of background dancers, makeup artists, stylists, cameramen and other stage professionals buzzing around the place. It feels like being stuck in an overcrowded beehive, it's way too hot and something on his shirt is itching against his lower back and he feels cranky. He's checking his in-ears one final time as the boys round up behind him in the dark passage leading towards the stage. He can hear the fans cheering from somewhere in the distance. His palms are sweaty; he wipes them on the sides of his pants. The nervousness before a performance never really goes away, not even years after their debut, and everyone is doing their best to keep the anxiety at bay somehow.
Next to him, Jay mumbles lyrics to himself as he tugs at his jacket sleeves, head bobbing in the rhythm of the song they're about to perform. A bit further away, Riki leans against the wall - at first glance he seems to be gazing into the distance absentmindedly, but by now Jungwon knows he's going over specific dance moves in his head. And then, near the back, he spots them. Accidentally, or maybe serendipitously.
Jake and Sunoo are barely visible from where he stands in the dim hallway, but their figures are in sharp contrast to the light beaming through an ajar door behind them. He can't make out their faces, but they're standing arm to arm, quietly talking among themselves. Jungwon thinks back to yesterday's practice session and how Sunoo confessed to him that he wasn't feeling his best, that he was worried about his ability to perform today's song at a level that suits a group of their standing. As the group's leader, Jungwon always understood his fellow members' insistence on keeping up their image and the pressure of wanting to show their best side to their fans, but he assured Sunoo that things would be okay no matter the outcome. It seems his reassurance did but little to assuage Sunoo's fears and now Jungwon watches Jake comfort the younger a little ways away. Jake's arm is around him, his hand rubbing circles into Sunoo's upper arm as he tells him something Jungwon can't make out. Sunoo is nodding, glancing from the floor to Jake's face, stepping closer into his embrace. It's nothing strange really, yet the action piques Jungwon's interest. Nobody else seems to notice, preoccupied with their performance anxiety.
Jungwon tries to look away, feeling almost like he's intruding on something, but brushes off that silly thought immediately. What would he really be intruding on? They've lived with each other for years, through good and bad times. They've experienced so much together. They're all friends - and friends comfort each other, friends embrace each other, friends kiss each other's temple... Wait what?
He blinks, startled, but before he can react they're being given the sign to make their way to the stage. Jungwon frantically tries to look back towards the end of the line, but Riki's tall frame blocks his view and he starts craning his neck from one side of the maknae's shoulders to the other. It takes every morsel of self control to stop himself from jumping straight through the other group members.
"What- they- kiss?!" he manages to wheeze out, half-stumbling as Riki pushes him forward gently, but Sunoo and Jake are already passing by them and making their way towards their positions. He can only catch a glimpse of Sunoo's shy smile as he does a final check of his outfit and microphone. He turns to their maknae again, mouth half open in an expression vaguely resembling that of a shell-shocked fish, but Riki ignores his disconnected babbling completely. He definitely just witnessed Jake's lips press to Sunoo's temple, nobody can tell him he didn't! No amount of dim hallway lights and pre-performance shuffling can make him hallucinate something like that. Did nobody else see it happen?
Sunghoon also gives Sunoo's arm an affectionate squeeze in passing and Jungwon, in all his well-meant confusion, forces himself to reassess the situation. Maybe it really is just friendly behaviour, just a special kind of bond between Sunoo and Jake, something only they share. After all, they both have a similar warm type of energy. Maybe he's making a big deal out of nothing. The other members are often affectionate towards Sunoo, he himself is. Just yesterday he was hugging him and teasing him throughout the day. Even if there was something between Jake and Sunoo, he would have nothing against it. But there's nothing there! Surely if there was, they would've told their leader... Surely they'd feel safe enough to come to him first. Surely over the years he's shown they can rely on him. A relationship is something private, sure, and he knows that he isn't entitled to knowing anything about it, but damn if he isn't feeling nosey and curious.
"Hyung!" Riki's insistent voice pulls him out of his thoughts. The maknae gestures discreetly and Jungwon realises he's not in the correct position. His bandmates' public displays of... friendly? affection will cost him his paycheck if he isn't careful. The performance passes in a sort of daze as Jungwon debates whether to bring the subject up later on or not. But when he sees Jake giving Sunoo a casual high five in the changing room, he decides against it. It's just friends being friends. He needs to tone down the hopeless romanticising.
True to his word, Jungwon lets the subject go. He doesn't mention anything about it to the other members, especially Sunoo and Jake, and when Riki later tells him he looked lost in thought during their performance, he blames it on a lack of sleep. But something stirs inside him and it won't let go.
***
The second time it happens, they're at the beach. With a more than successful half of the year behind them, they welcomed a little respite from the many continuous hours of filming, recording and dance practices with open arms. Admittedly, they're far from home, but it feels almost freeing in a way, staying in a place where nobody recognises them and being allowed to just exist for a while. Looking back at it, maybe that's why his hyungs felt comfortable showing their affection so openly that day.
It's early in the morning and the beach is almost empty, save for the few locals shuffling around their boats on the tiniest, most decrepit dock Jungwon has ever seen. The men's voices carry over the water; the sound of their flip flops against the concrete walkway, a few shared laughs and the muted thud of rope and equipment being thrown into the hull of a boat the only thing disturbing the murmur of the sea. In an hour or two, a myriad of colourful beach towels would be spread over the sand and the air would be filled with idle chatter and children's playful shrieking as tourists slowly woke from their slumber, but right now Jungwon, his bandmates and one of their managers are the only ones there to enjoy the sun and the sea.
A few paces away, Riki and Sunghoon are kicking around a Disney blow-up ball they bought at a tourist stand the first day they came here. Lilo and Stitch are grinning widely from the most likely overpriced toy as it flies around the shallow. Sunghoon kicks it over Riki's head and the younger grumbles something about cheating as he rushes to retrieve it before it floats away. On Jungwon's left side, Heeseung is spread out like a starfish on a towel too short for his stature, a pair of obnoxiously large headphones blasting music and blocking out any semblance of the outside world to him. There's sand in his hair, but he doesn't seem to notice or care. In the distance Jungwon sees Jay walking up to them, carrying two ice creams that already look half-melted, leaning dangerously to one side. Right as Jay reaches them and nudges Heeseung's leg to get his attention, Jungwon's gaze wanders towards the sea and the two figures of his friends floating in the deeper end. Jake and Sunoo ran into the water the second their sunscreen was on, and they haven't been out since. Jungwon briefly wishes he asked them to play badminton or race each other along the shoreline. Well, it's too late now.
"C'mon hyung, get up, everything's melting. It's gonna ruin my shirt." Jay's voice and Heeseung's mumbling fade into the background as Jungwon zeroes in on the two in the water. Overnight, the sea currents and winds carried the rope of safety buoys marking the swimming area closer to the shore so the boys' figures were easily seen from the beach. Jungwon distinctly hears Sunoo's giggles as he holds onto one of the smaller white buoys, watching Jake as he swims and bobs from one side of the rope to the other. Jake quips something unintelligible to the younger when he comes up for air and Sunoo lets out one of his signature annoyed "Yah!"s, splashing him with seawater. Jake yells, grabs a handful of what Jungwon guesses are algae stuck to the underside of the floating buoys, and chases a screeching Sunoo with the green glob in his hand.
"They're like... seeming kinda close lately, no?" Jungwon muses out loud, more to himself than anyone else, but the hyungs at his side look at him with slightly confused faces.
"Huh?" Heeseung is helplessly battling his ice cream, spreading out a third napkin over his swimming trunks to no avail as a drop lands right on the hem of his T-shirt. "Ah, damn."
"Sunoo hyung and Jake hyung," Jungwon glances back towards the sea. The aforementioned duo is still together, but the green algae glob has now disappeared, probably thrown somewhere into the depths of the water. The two are clutching the buoy rope, with Jake turned towards the shore and Sunoo towards the open sea. The sun shines right into Sunoo's face so he turns it halfway towards Jake, who helpfully blocks it out with his hand. They are in perfect view of the boys on the beach, and thus Jungwon doesn't miss the moment Sunoo reaches out and tucks a strand of Jake's drenched hair behind his ear. Nor does he miss Jake leaning in and gently nudging Sunoo's nose with his own, a gigantic grin brightening his features. He can hear Sunoo's giggle again and he swears his brain sort of grinds to a stop.
"What- since when do they- they're doing it again!" Jungwon is thoroughly confused now and he simply doesn't understand his fellow bandmates' apparent lack of interest in the unfolding scene. Sunghoon and Riki are still preoccupied with their toy ball, competing in who can kick it over a nearby parasol, while Heeseung and Jay are looking at him funny.
"They're just having fun," Jay snatches one of Heeseung's napkins and wipes his hands clean of ice cream residue. "We don't have much time to spend by ourselves. Y'know, no cameras and all that."
"Yes, but-" Jungwon mumbles; he first squints his eyes at the two in the water, then at the hyungs next to him, then pushes his sunglasses further up the bridge of his nose as if that would magically clear things up. By now, Sunoo is fully occupying Jake's personal space, pushing back Jake's hair and running his hands through it while the older boy seems to passionately ramble about something. His monologue is accompanied by Sunoo's head nodding up and down or left and right from time to time. "I just- don't you find it a little... weird? How close they are?"
He immediately knows he said the wrong thing, but he can't really tell why. Heeseung and Jay furrow their eyebrows in a scarily identical manner and Jungwon feels like he's being scrutinised under their gazes. He throws in a little laugh, just to save himself the awkwardness of the situation. "I mean, it's just so sudden, you know?"
"They're our team mates. It didn't seem like you had a problem with it back when..." Heeseung's tone is careful, but something about the way he speaks sends Jungwon into a panic. Not even in his worst nightmares would he think to criticise who his friends spend their time with, especially inside their group! He thinks about how to best explain his confusion, thinks of the previous time he's found himself in this sort of mess, then comes to the conclusion that he must've looked into everything way too deeply again. At the end of the day, who is he to dissect his friends' interactions so deeply? Both Jake and Sunoo are affectionate individuals, so of course they'd find it easy to get close to one another. There's absolutely nothing more to it. Nothing!
"Of course I don't have a problem with it!" His mouth runs faster than his brain and when he answers it's almost a shout, loud enough for even Jake to look over his shoulder towards the shoreline. Jungwon flushes a deep shade of red, whipping his head around as if to check whether anyone else heard him. Their manager looks up dazedly from a nearby deck chair, where he was apparently dozing off, and then resumes his napping position as the boys shush their leader. Jungwon buries his hands into the soft sand as if searching for some way to ground himself. The surface is hot to the touch, the morning sun having warmed it up, but underneath he feels a coolness spreading across his skin.
"Of course I don't!" Jungwon repeats, this time markedly quieter. "I'd never dictate to any of you who you should hang out with! I'm glad they're, uh, strengthening their bond. Or something."
Jay actually laughs, eyebrows shooting up and disappearing in the hair falling over his forehead. Heeseung yanks his headphones back over his ears, muttering to himself through chuckles as he plops down on his beach towel. "Strengthening their bond? That's one way to say it."
Jungwon feels like he's going slightly insane. No matter what he says, it lands wrong. Why does it feel like he's constantly missing something extremely obvious? He looks to Jay, but his hyung has moved on to pestering Sunghoon and Riki over whose bag the hotel keys are supposed to be in and neither of them are claiming responsibility. He sits there, dejected, wiggles his fingers in the sand, watches his two friends in the water. Why is this so important to him? Why can't he just let this go? Whether there's something going on between Jake and Sunoo or not, that should be their business. Why does his heart feel all funny and heavy? It's like something is pressing on his chest and just won't let up. Is it really just Jungwon's ego that is unable to get over the fact that they wouldn't tell him if they were together? The possibility causes a wave of guilt to wash over him. He should be supportive of his bandmates' friendship growing stronger instead of making up dating conspiracy theories. And besides, maybe the sun just blinded him and he thought he saw something that wasn't there. Yeah, that's it.
And yet, no matter how hard he tries to push down the strange feeling bubbling up inside of him, he can't. A few days later, during their drive to the airport, instead of looking out at the crystal blue sea spreading across the horizon, Jungwon's eyes are glued to the rearview mirror. Sunoo and Jake are comfortably nestled in the back of the van. Sunoo's head rests on Jake's shoulder as he naps and the older boy tiredly blinks out the window at the early morning sun reflecting off the calm expanse of seawater.
Jungwon's fingers twitch in his lap. The heavy feeling presses against his insides just a little more insistently. He catches himself realising he wishes he was sitting next to them. Maybe they'd watch the sea together and count the fisherman boats setting out for their daily catch. Maybe he'd sit next to the window so Jake can rest against him and sleep. Or he'd sit on Sunoo's right side and hold his overstuffed backpack for him. Maybe he'd count the current number of plush keychains hanging off it.
But he isn't doing any of those things and he isn't even really sure why. They used to hang out a lot as a trio. Jungwon can't exactly pinpoint when their meetups started to dwindle, but he's pretty sure he's the main reason for it. Something did change in the last few months, but for the life of him he can't understand why it's confusing him this thoroughly. He just knows he doesn't want to experience that sinking feeling in his stomach when he's around his friends. He feels guilty even thinking about it, but how can he stop when Sunoo and Jake seem to occupy his mind every waking minute? He knows he was the one who pulled back, who stopped asking to go to the cinema, to grab coffee, to set out on midnight walks along the Han river. He doesn't understand his own feelings and motivations, but it's better than ruining things completely.
Suddenly he's experiencing that prickling feeling on the back of his neck, the kind the body instinctively produces when it knows it's being watched. Jungwon realises Sunoo is returning his gaze in the rearview mirror. The sunlight falls against his face just right, making Sunoo's eyes appear golden and even warmer than usual. Jungwon feels like a deer in headlights; he feels his breathing quicken, but then Sunoo's eyes crinkle into crescents. He's smiling.
Jungwon's body relaxes, sinks back into the car seat. Jake, who feels Sunoo stirring, follows his gaze and now they're both smiling at him and a different kind of nervousness rattles his body. He doesn't know what to do with his hands, he doesn't know where to look or how to move. Warmth is spreading down his neck and he knows it's probably quite obvious he's flushed red.
As if sensing the utter chaos ravaging his mind, the two settle against each other again, whispering something among themselves before returning back to their napping. Jungwon rests his head against the window, eyes following the foamy trails left behind by ships on the surface of the water. The glass is cool against his skin and he lets it calm his nerves as he himself sinks into a space somewhere between dreams and reality.
When the manager shakes him awake some time later, even through the brain fog he knows he dreamt of them.
***
The third time it happens, they're at a restaurant and Jungwon feels like a sleuth trying to piece together forensic evidence to support some outlandish theory. The theory in question being that his two bandmates are definitely not just best buddies.
Having wrapped up group activities for the time being, they decided to treat themselves to some BBQ together before some of the members depart to get solo brand deals and photoshoots done. They won't regroup as 7 for at least two weeks, and they're a silently sentimental bunch so this outing's purpose is to help soften the blow of being apart from each other without the need for sappy goodbyes. It's a warm evening, the summer still hasn't dwindled completely, and they're thankful for the AC cooling down their little corner of the restaurant. They're sitting at a long table, though despite its size it would normally have some issues accommodating 7 grown men were it not for the fact that Sunoo and Jake were sitting so close together they might as well have been in each other's lap. The two are sitting right on the opposite side of Jungwon, at the far end of the table, and that gives him a clear view of the animated conversation they are currently having. Jake is practically sitting on just one leg at the far edge of the bench, with the other casually spread out and bobbing back and forth to the beat of the music playing over the speakers above. Sunoo is halfway turned towards him, with his back turned to Jay who is the main expert in charge of grilling different cuts of meat and searing vegetables for everyone else. Sunghoon sits right in front of Jungwon, while Heeseung and Riki are to his left, preoccupied with some kind of game on Riki's phone.
"How are you already on level 12?" Heeseung grumbles and tries to get a better look at the screen while Riki snickers proudly.
Jungwon's attention is yet again on his two friends at the opposite end of the table, and after he stares at them for a frankly concerning amount of time he reaches the epiphany that he should probably busy himself with doing something, anything, in order to not seem like a creep. He's been catching himself lately, zoning out while observing them. He picks up his chopsticks and decides to help Jay sear some vegetables. His attention just can not seem to stay on the bell peppers and zucchini, though, especially when he hears Jake's laughter cut through the music and the idle chatter of the other boys. He swears he lifts his gaze just for a few seconds, just to see what's going on. Jake is doubled over, nose scrunched up and eyes crinkling in pure joy at whatever Sunoo said. The younger attempts to shush him, flailing his hands around visibly embarrassed, but nobody else seems to pay them much mind anyways. Well, nobody but Jungwon, whose hand has stopped in mid-air, empty chopsticks stuck somewhere near the edge of the grill. He can feel the heat radiating off the appliance, but his mind feels like it has turned to mush. He catches himself wishing he was sitting closer to them. When was the last time he asked them to spend time together with him? Why is he even thinking about this?
"Jungwon, what are y- you've burned it!" Jungwon almost jumps straight out of his skin, a chill running down his spine at Jay's loud groan. When he looks back down at the grill he is met with the unfortunate sight of what used to be marinated veggies, now nothing but sad clumps of what vaguely resembles pebbles. Quickly, he attempts to take the crumbling heaps off the grill and chucks them on the edge of his plate. His face is positively burning and he refuses to look up, afraid anyone might notice - anyone but especially them. He knows everybody has heard the commotion. He only looked away for one second, it was just one second, just to see them. Just to see... What's going on with him?
"You're not gonna eat them anyways, why do you care?" he mutters to himself, putting another batch of fresh vegetables onto the grill. Jay either doesn't hear or pretends he doesn't, but he still shoos Jungwon's hand away and continues turning the zucchini slices himself. Jungwon sinks into his seat and suddenly his appetite is gone, it's too stuffy in the room, the music annoys him and he wants to go back to the dorms, back to his room. A whirlpool of emotions he doesn't understand are building up inside him. Mostly he feels confused and scared. He shouldn't be feeling half the things he's feeling right now. Maybe if he doesn't think about it, it'll leave him alone.
A minute or so passes with him nudging his burnt veggies along the edge of his plate. The members fall back into casual conversation and Jay starts handing out the grilled meat. The sizzling starts up again once he puts a fresh round on the grill. He puts a slice on Sunoo's plate and Jake immediately grabs the silverware, cutting it into smaller pieces for him. Sunoo reaches over and places a few veggies on each of their plates as they share the meal. Jungwon watches from his seat, still bothering the ghosts of his poor bell peppers until a hand reaches over and a pair of chopsticks places a cut of beef in front of him.
Sunghoon's gaze is careful but gentle as he takes in their leader's slouching frame and the dusting of redness still dappled over his cheekbones. He's leaning in, casual enough not to draw attention from any of the others. He coughs and tries to muster up the most comforting tone of voice he can. "It's not really my place to ask, but do you wanna talk about it?"
Jungwon immediately feels as if his entire world has crumbled. So he's that obvious. What are the chances someone else has seen through his behaviour? What are the chances Sunoo and Jake have? He's doomed. He's a bad leader and a worse friend. How is he gonna get out of this situation?
Seeing the growing discomfort on Jungwon's face, Sunghoon scrambles to set things right. "Hey, everything's alright. I'm not accusing you of anything, it's just hard to miss how much you stare."
The observation doesn't really help, and Jungwon stuffs the piece of meat into his mouth, chews once, twice, as many times as he can just to avoid talking. Sunghoon's expression has now shifted into something softer, understanding, but he remains quiet until his leader feels brave enough to speak.
"I don't know what's wrong with me. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I just feel like... I miss them," Jungwon finally lets the words tumble out, no context, no further explanation, just that one thought which constantly plagued his mind for the past couple of weeks. It doesn't really make sense. Sunoo and Jake haven't gone anywhere. He sees them almost every day. But everything feels different now. He craves something he fears he can't have, but he doesn't know how to put that into words without sounding insane, without ruining everything. Without exposing them, and himself.
Sunghoon doesn't ask for clarification. He nods to himself, visibly mulling things over as he picks and prods at his dinner. "I think you should just be honest with yourself. I know it's easier said than done, but that's the only way to get yourself out of any kind of slump. And talk to them. They're kind. They'll understand, whatever it is."
Jungwon glances towards the subjects of their conversation and finds them already looking at him, talking among themselves. He almost drops his chopsticks, an ice cold feeling washing over him, but he calms down as best as he can. He sends them a small smile and, as casually as he can muster up, loads his plate with food just to look as normal as possible. Him and Sunghoon eat in silence, but Jungwon is grateful to him all the same.
Once they're done eating and everyone starts getting ready to leave and subtly avoid having to be the one to pay the bill, Jungwon feels a light tap on his shoulder. When he turns around, Sunoo and Jake are smiling at him. Instantly he feels light-headed for some reason and does his best not to sway in place like a lakeside sedge. Thankfully he remains steady on his feet, but his voice seems to have failed him entirely.
"Jungwonie!" Sunoo grins as he and Jake loop their arms through his. "Wanna go for some ice cream?"
"We haven't hung out in so long," Jake adds and Jungwon doesn't know who to look at, an excited fluttering spreading through his stomach. What's happening right now?
He can only nod weakly, watching as their smiles brighten. They pull him out onto the street, each taking one of his hands and interlocking their fingers with his, playfully swaying back and forth while they walk. Jungwon's gift of speech remains shyly hidden somewhere, but there's a quiet warmth settling in his chest and when he laughs with them, there's an especially soft sparkle in his eye. In that moment, nothing matters to him but the happiness interwoven in those few hours he would spend with them. Everything else fades in comparison. He doesn't care about relationships and conspiracies and whatever else. He realises he just cares about them. In more ways than he ever thought possible.
***
The final time it happens it's late at night in their shared dorm and Jungwon feels vindicated for all the times he appeared to have lost his mind to everyone around him. He also feels very, very stupid.
It's only been three days since the restaurant incident and, consequently, since one of the most wonderful evenings he has experienced in a while. The trio hadn't returned to their dorms until late at night. They had their ice cream, went to an arcade and managed to play some games without drawing too much attention to themselves, and then sat in the darkest corner of a park they could find, just talking and snacking on convenience store kimbap. For Jungwon, it all sort of went down in a dreamy haze. His heart had been thumping like a hummingbird's wings throughout the entire evening and he'd briefly wondered if it was possible for it to fly out of his chest from sheer happiness.
Afterwards, he sought shelter behind the walls of his dorm room. He knew it was stupid and counterproductive, especially now that he was finally finding some footing in this strange dynamic he seemingly had with his two friends, but that's precisely why he was hiding away from them. In his mind, the logic made sense. His own feelings confused him constantly, and feeling his heart almost escape the confines of his ribcage whenever Jake or Sunoo even look his way doesn't exactly help. The happiness may be overwhelming, but so is the fear and the guilt.
Tonight as well, Jungwon is sprawled across his bed like a ragdoll, staring up at the ceiling while music blasts from his earphones. He hasn't even changed into his pyjamas, still in the T-shirt and sweatpants he hurriedly threw on when stopping by the studio in the morning. He couldn't be arsed to do anything, really.
The earphones drown out the world around him, but also provide a barrier that protects him from any possible interactions at the dorm. If anyone did knock on his door these past two-three days, he can always blame the loud music for not answering. And his messed up sleep schedule for only leaving his room early in the morning, before anyone else is awake, or in the dead of night.
This night, he feels restless. Tomorrow morning several of his fellow members would set off on travels for their solo projects - including Sunoo and Jake. Jake would be back by the end of this week, Sunoo by the start of the next one. On the one hand, Jungwon wants the morning to come sooner. He wants to have a few days to breathe, to settle things with himself, to try and understand what's happening to him. On the other hand, he feels like crying because he really should've said a proper goodbye to them. He already knows he'll be going through hell while they're gone, so why can't he bring himself to just tell them he'll miss them? Is he afraid he'd say something else?
He plops over onto his left side unceremoniously and sighs into his pillow. The movement accidentally pauses the music and the sudden silence envelops him like a blanket, leaving him alone with his thoughts again. Before said thoughts have the chance to turn self-critical, Jungwon forces himself to sit up. He tosses his earphones to the side, checks his phone and, once he sees the numbers on the screen displaying 2 in the morning, decides it's probably safe enough to go snatch something to eat from the fridge. Dinnertime was obviously spent holed up in his room instead of having a meal because dinnertime was Jake and Sunoo's favourite time to watch movies or reality shows in the living room. He knows this because he used to watch them with them. He knows this because he misses these small moments more than he could ever put into words.
As he makes his way to the door, his body feels heavy and inert. Sleep is tugging at his eyelids and in his head there's an odd echo now that there's no music actively damaging his eardrums. Perhaps that's why he doesn't notice he isn't alone until he's already completely left his room and closed the door behind him.
Jungwon stops, frozen, in the middle of the hallway leading into the living room and the adjoining kitchen. From his position he has a clear view of the couch, which is lighted by the TV monitor mounted on the wall in front of it. He instantly knows running back into his room wouldn't amount to anything, they already noticed him.
Jake and Sunoo are casually sprawled on the couch, and only now does Jungwon's brain compute that they're cuddling. Jake is propped up against some pillows, tresses of hair falling over the fabric like spilled ink. Sunoo is nuzzled into his chest, cheek squished against Jake's collarbone and arms securely wrapped around his middle. Jake's fingers are tangled in Sunoo's hair, gently scratching at his scalp. Their attention, previously occupied by whatever was on the TV, now zeroed in on Jungwon, still frozen in the hallway like he didn't know how to move his limbs.
"Oh, hey man," Jake keeps his voice reasonably low when he greets him, not wanting to wake the other members. Sunoo only smiles at him, tired eyes blinking rapidly to keep himself awake. Jungwon guesses their movie night ended up lasting longer than usual. They probably wanted to use up all the time they still had together before they boarded different planes in the morning.
Jungwon finally wills his legs to work and, hesitating, makes his way past them and towards the fridge. "Hi, I, uh... just gonna grab something to eat."
The open fridge door feels almost like a shield between himself and the living room and he takes an unnecessarily long time to choose between having strawberry or blueberry yogurt. Then he considers whether to slice in some bananas and add some muesli to it, mulling it over until even the fridge has had enough of him and starts to beep insistently. The sound is shrill in the relative quiet of the apartment and Jungwon jumps slightly, slamming the door closed so hard the magnets on its surface tremble. He awkwardly searches for a bowl, trying to make as little noise as possible. While he's assembling his yogurt bowl, Sunoo stretches on the couch, yawning.
"Mm, a snack sounds nice right now," he manages to say through the yawns. "Want something, hyungie?"
"I think we still have some sliced fruit left. Wanna finish that?" Jake answers.
"Sure, I'll go get it." Sunoo is detangling himself from their mess of pillows and limbs and Jungwon is doing his best to keep his attention on his yogurt bowl and the muesli he's adding to it and everything is going surprisingly well until Sunoo leans in and cups Jake's cheeks and gives him an obnoxiously loud smooch right on the lips.
Jungwon spills half of the box of muesli into his bowl. It can hardly be considered a yogurt bowl now. More like a muesli bowl with three spoons of yogurt in it. The box miraculously stays standing when he chucks it to the side and points a finger right at the two on the couch. Sunoo was just about to get up, so the accusatory pointer finger is almost eye level with him and his confused gaze goes slightly cross-eyed as he stares at it.
Jungwon is sure if his lower jaw wasn't joined to his skull it would be sitting on the floor right now. "I KNEW IT!" he wheezes out, finger still shaking in the air as he approaches them. At this point Sunoo has deduced it would be smarter to keep some distance in case Jungwon had gone off the rocker so he sits back down and Jake wraps an arm around his waist protectively.
"Yo, Wonie, what's going on?" Jake chuckles nervously. "You okay?"
Jungwon takes a step towards them gingerly, running his hands through his hair until he looks somewhat like a crazed scientist. At least the finger has left the air. Small victories. Jungwon's hands come up to rest on his chin in what resembles a praying motion, his gaze locked onto the pair on the couch.
"I wasn't crazy. I knew it, I wasn't crazy," he mumbles to himself, steadily inching closer and closer to them. By now Sunoo has drawn his legs up onto the couch, as if afraid Jungwon would snatch him. The poor boy is half terrified, half laughing, crawling further onto Jake's lap with every step Jungwon takes. The sheer incredulity openly displayed on his face would make Jungwon laugh on any other occasion. But right now his mind is miles away, neurons firing seemingly all at once.
"Yah, what's up with you?!" Sunoo manages to let out through a laugh. One of his arms finds its way around Jake's neck as the older holds him close. The other extends towards Jungwon in what he hopes is a metaphorical olive branch. "Are you playing some kind of prank? Come on, sit down and cut it out. Wanna watch the movie with us? There's plenty of space," he wiggles his fingers and motions towards the couch, but Jungwon has other plans.
He crouches in the space between the couch and the coffee table, squinting at them. Sunoo and Jake freeze, as if by not moving an inch they'd avoid being perceived.
"I told them, I kept telling them. I kept saying it and nobody took me seriously!" Jungwon rambles. "My brain was always going on about friends this and friends that and oh they're just having fun, but I knew it wasn't just that. I knew you were SMOOCHING!"
A beat passes in utter silence as his friends stare at him perplexed. The only noise present is the low hum of the fridge and the sound effects of an explosion in the action thriller playing on the TV. And then Sunoo's laughing. He laughs so hard he throws his head back and narrowly misses whacking it against the wall. He couldn't help it, the sincerity and seriousness with which Jungwon delivered his conclusion had him clutching his tummy in hysterics. Next to him, Jake snorts and rubs his eyes, then chuckles as Sunoo continues to switch from giggles to full-blown cackles. All sense of tact has flown out the window, they might as well have woken up half the building with their shenanigans.
"Okay, that was kinda funny, I'll give you that," Jake leans back against the pillows.
"Jungwonie, you're so silly," Sunoo playfully nudges his shoulder, making him sway in place slightly.
His eye twitches. "I thought I was making things up, first backstage, then during vacation. Everybody looked at me like I grew another head. But I was right."
Sunoo is halfway in the kitchen at this point, retrieving the fruit snack from the fridge without a care in the world. Jake shakes his head lightly, fixing the stray bangs that had fallen over his forehead. "Whatever you say, man. Why wouldn't I kiss my own boyfriend?"
Jungwon straight up falls on his ass, almost knocking over the drinks they'd laid out on the coffee table in the process. There it is. There. It. Is. The moment that proves all his brainstorming and theorising wasn't for nothing. He was right. He expected a feeling of relief to wash over him, or at least some kind of closure to wrap up this chapter, but something still hung in the back of his mind, something he didn't think he was ready to face right now. He stares straight ahead into the distance and Jake's words echo in his thoughts over and over again. Boyfriends.
"You alright, Wonie?"
There's a light touch to the crown of his head and when he looks up, Sunoo is standing there with his bowl of fruit, looking down at him. His warm hand rests against Jungwon's hair, so gentle it's almost imperceptible. Jake is watching him with an equally soft expression, and he knows it is only now that they realise he isn't pulling some elaborate prank on them - he's genuinely lost.
"I- Yeah, I'm just-" he stumbles over his words, mind going into overdrive as he tries to piece things together. He's even more confused after this reveal. His eyebrows furrow, tired eyes scrunching as he rubs at them. "I don't get it."
Sunoo sets the bowl down and gently pushes the coffee table further away so Jungwon doesn't accidentally hurt himself. Him and Jake scooch down to sit next to him, backs resting against the couch so they'd be facing him. From their expressions alone he can tell they still don't understand what's going on (and truth be told, he might be more lost than even they are), but the second they see the shadow that settled on his face they slide into their usual caring mode. They wait for him to feel comfortable enough to continue speaking.
"I'm not gonna tell anyone," he finally lets out. "You don't have to worry about that. I'm... really happy for you. I'll support you in any way I can and-"
Now it's Sunoo and Jake's turn to be completely lost. They share a look and Jungwon can tell that even without saying anything out loud they're communicating on some level only they can understand. When they turn to him, Jungwon thinks their stance betrays a sort of worry, as if they're wondering whether he's sick or concussed.
"I- that's really nice of you, Wonie..." Sunoo starts, carefully choosing his words. "But I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from. Everyone already knows."
Jungwon feels as if he's been hit over the head and now can't formulate basic thoughts. How can everyone but him know? Is he the only one they didn't tell? Or was he somehow plucked from some other reality and thrown into this one without noticing? Is he just a clueless doppelganger? What the hell is happening?
"Wh- so I'm the last to find out?" He's surprised at how pained his voice sounds when he puts out the question, and if Sunoo and Jake's reactions are anything to go by, that same hurt is most likely clearly evident on his face as well. They scoot closer to him, reaching out.
Jungwon can't even pretend anymore that their touch doesn't affect him. His breath hitches when Jake's palm settles against his lower back, a comforting heat radiating off his skin and seeping through the thin fabric of Jungwon's shirt. Sunoo's fingers find his own, threading through them. His thumb draws small circles on the back of Jungwon's hand. The action makes the fine hairs on his forearms stand up and he desperately prays they don't notice it.
"We told all of you, remember? We'd never leave you out of something so important," Jake's tone of voice reminds Jungwon of a kindergarten teacher approaching an upset child, but not in a negative way. As confused as he is, Jungwon can tell they're sincerely worried for him.
He tries to draw up any and all memories of having had this conversation, but nothing surfaces. No matter how hard he searches for any sign of having been told, his mind settles on a blank. For a moment, he thinks they might be justified in looking like they're awfully close to calling an ambulance.
"Hyung, I think he really doesn't remember," Sunoo states, suddenly pressing the back of his hand against Jungwon's forehead. Finding that he wasn't burning up with a fever, Sunoo returns to holding his hand.
"Jungwonie, we spoke about this at that big celebration we had. Back in May?" Jake hints, cocking his head to the side to catch Jungwon's gaze.
Jungwon can practically hear the gears in his own head turning, churning up recollections and faint memories. And as things start falling into place, a sweeping feeling of dread envelops his entire being. A cold sweat breaks out on his brow, and when he grows still Jake and Sunoo are certain he's figured something out.
Oh for fuck's sake.
"Oh my God," he suddenly groans, startling the two in the process. "Oh my God."
"What, what?!" Jake panics, grabbing onto his shoulders.
"Hyung, oh my God, I was drunk. I told you I don't remember anything from that night," Jungwon is embarrassed beyond measure, watching as realisation dawns on their faces. Jake falls back against the couch, running a hand through his hair, while Sunoo tries his utmost best not to start cackling once again.
"How is this even possible?" Jungwon whines, burying his flushed face into his hands. He wants to simply crawl under the couch like a bug and hide forever. Can the earth just swallow him and save him the embarrassment of this entire misunderstanding? "You're telling me I got so wasted I blacked out and forgot my best friends are dating each other? And it took me more than TWO whole months to figure it out again?! What the fuck?"
"This is so funny, I can't believe this is happening," Sunoo catches his breath in between giggles, gently grabbing Jungwon's hands to pry them away from his face. A furious blush has dusted Jungwon's cheeks, travelling all the way to his ears and down his neck, and he looks positively adorable. He can't meet either of their gazes, instead hiding his head between his knees.
"Wonie, you even cried! I can't believe you forgot after such a dramatic reaction," Sunoo teases, wiping a stray tear that escaped his eye from laughter, and there's no edge to his voice, only pure affection. He's used to this kind of plot point happening in a K-drama, not his own real life.
"He did drink quite a lot..." Jake trails off, a playful smirk pulling at the corner of his lips as he recalls scenes from the celebration, their usually composed leader downing glass after glass, mixing things he probably shouldn't have, and becoming more and more bubbly and emotional. Jungwon had spent the entire night tearfully listing everything he loved about his fellow members, hugging them, snuggling them, and by the time Sunoo and Jake decided to make their relationship known, he'd probably already had a hard time fully comprehending where he even was. A short while later he was asleep in the corner, with Jake's jacket wrapped around him as a makeshift blanket, while the rest of them continued to drink, joke around and have a good time. The next morning, when he'd made an off-hand comment about last night being a big blank, everyone thought he was overreacting. And yet, now here they are.
"Please don't tell the others," Jungwon whines helplessly. "They'll never let me live this down, it's gonna be hell!"
Sunoo hums, tapping his chin in mock consideration as he weighs his options. "Let me think, let me think..."
"Hyung, please!" Jungwon turns to Jake, who laughs lightly.
"We won't, Sunoo's just joking," Jake reassures him. Once he sees Jungwon's shoulders relax, he adds: "But we're keeping this as blackmail material, just so you know."
Jungwon snorts and rolls his eyes. A beat passes in silence.
"Well I'm glad we're finally on the same page about all of this," Sunoo nudges Jungwon's leg.
"Right..." Jungwon sighs, standing up. He dusts himself off, smooths down his shirt, looks at the yogurt bowl monstrosity on the kitchen island and the tilted coffee table. His hands shake as he inspects the mess, so he stuffs them into the pockets of his sweatpants. "I'm sorry... for ruining your movie night. You probably wanted to spend time alone and here I come with this, what, alcohol-induced amnesia issue? I really am happy for you. I feel so stupid for this whole mess. But you know I'm here for you." He realises he's rambling, so he stops himself before he says something he can't take back.
Jake rights the coffee table and both him and Sunoo now stand face to face with Jungwon.
"You didn't ruin anything, Wonie. We're actually really happy you're here," Jake's voice is hushed, but they're so close Jungwon can feel the warmth of their bodies slowly enveloping him. He only has to reach out his hand to hold them. That's all he needs to do.
"Oh," the sound wavers and Jungwon visibly swallows, finding it hard to focus in their presence. The fluttering in his stomach is back, like a million tiny butterflies circling his insides. "I'm glad."
They look like they're waiting for him to continue, but it's so hard to form words. Jungwon sees uncertainty on their faces, only a brief shadow but enough for him to notice. They glance at each other, not knowing who should speak up first. After a short pause, Sunoo squirms in his spot, tugging at the sleeves of his hoodie. When he looks towards Jungwon, he can't quite keep his gaze steady. It wanders from place to place, until it settles on the TV screen that's still playing the same movie.
"Well, we were wondering," he begins slowly, as if searching for the correct words to use. "Is this all that you wanted to talk to us about?"
And suddenly Jungwon realises they know. They know why he instinctively pulled back from them, even when he couldn't remember the depth of their true relationship. They know why he shied away from movie nights, from ice cream dates and shopping outings, why he found it so hard to speak to them without spouting utter nonsense, why his heart beat so hard he was afraid it would give in. They know, and they've probably known for a while. The hesitant touches, the gentle hugs, intertwined fingers and bright smiles, the way they approach him with affection so delicate and tender he feels like crying. And here they are, at the end of everything, inviting him to voice it. To speak it into existence. To tell them what he wants. What he's been longing for all this time.
And he can't. He wants to. He wants to speak up so badly, he wants to whisper it to them in the middle of the night like the most cherished secret and at the same time shout it from the rooftops at the top of his lungs so the entire world would hear. He grapples with his own mind, fights against his fears, and feels himself losing. They see it on him, the wish to finally admit it. But it's not the right time.
"Y-Yeah," when he speaks, Jungwon's voice sounds like a stranger's to his own ears. "Yeah, that's all."
Sunoo's face visibly falls and Jungwon feels as if he's been punched in the stomach. It's difficult to breathe, and he stands there stuck in one place, a physical manifestation of what he's been experiencing these last few weeks. Stuck, trapped, knowing what he needs to do in order to feel free again and being too afraid to do it.
"That's okay, Wonie," Jake smiles at him. "We understand."
Sunoo only nods in agreement, mustering up a shaky smile.
Jungwon bids them a quiet good night and hurries towards the door to his room. The cool metal of the door handle soothes his skin as he swings it open, but he hesitates. Just for a second, he glances back towards the two in the living room. They're settling back into their previous position on the couch, Jake's arms snaking around Sunoo and pulling him close. The younger's back is now turned towards Jungwon, face hidden in the crook of Jake's neck. The last thing he sees is Jake pressing a soft kiss to Sunoo's forehead before he cuts the scene off with a quiet click of his door.
***
The time is exactly 4:17 in the morning when Jungwon hears Jake's keys turning in the lock of their dorm's front door.
He sits in the living room, alone and slightly shaking as anxiety gnaws away at him, but he's not going to give up now that he's come so far. Predictably, spending an entire week without Jake or Sunoo around felt like utter hell, but it gave him a lot of time to sit around, stare at the walls and ceilings, and imagine himself kissing both of his best friends for hours at a time. He felt so out of sorts that he did three Weverse lives in five days, binged two K-dramas, and even bought a random book at a newspaper stand just to keep his thoughts from running wild. It didn't really help much, especially considering Sunoo and Jake would send adorable selfies or good morning and good night messages to their recently revived 3-person groupchat every single day. Seeing so much of them without them actually being physically near him felt ten times worse than having no contact with them at all.
It did give him the opportunity to finally muster up enough courage to decide things couldn't go on like this forever. He would have to talk to them, and he would do it once they're both back in Seoul. His entire week was spent hyping himself up for that moment of truth, and he kept ping-ponging between being so hyperactive he almost called them both on the phone and confessed right then and there, and feeling so down that he somehow made up a whole scenario where they'd reject him while laughing in his face.
It helped knowing that both Sunoo and Jake wanted him to approach them, to admit what he wants from them. No amount of nasty nightmareish plot diversions his brain came up with could ever measure with the simple fact that his best friends were only waiting for him to confess to them. And they were ready to give him all the time he needs in order to do so.
So, here he is, in the middle of the night, watching Jake's frame appear against the bright hallway light, knowing this exact moment would change the entire course of his life forever. He had spent a good chunk of the weekend annoying their staff to alert him when Jake's plane touched down, under some pretense that he needed to urgently discuss something with him. The staff had given him an odd look, probably thinking he was being an overbearing leader, but they relented, and he got the text message around an hour prior to Jake arriving at the dorm. Seeing the notification pop up on his phone screen felt like the final stamp descending onto paper and sealing his future for good. He'd chucked his phone to the side and plopped down onto the couch, sitting on his hands until they grew numb and tapping his feet against the laminate flooring.
Jake clumsily makes his way further into the dorm, closing the door behind him and checking the lock. He's balancing a backpack and a heavy sports bag, his fingers tingling from the combined weight. Lost in his own world, he doesn't notice the figure hesitatingly approaching him from the darkness of the living room. He's bent down to undo his shoelaces when Jungwon speaks, causing Jake to almost ram his head against the coat hangers in fright.
"Welcome back, hyung."
"FUCK!" Jake holds onto the wall for balance, one hand grasping at his chest as his heart leaps erratically. He takes a deep breath when his eyes finally get used to the dark enough to recognise Jungwon's face. "Wonie, you scared the hell out of me!"
Jungwon grimaces and sheepishly turns on the lamp on the chest of drawers next to the front door. They're suddenly enveloped by a warm light and when Jake's figure comes into focus Jungwon thinks he might jump straight into his arms. His fingers twitch at his sides as he shoves the thought aside, watching his hyung shrugging off his jacket and making himself comfortable.
"Sorry," Jungwon murmurs, offering an apologetic smile. Now or never, he thinks to himself. He should get this over with before Jay hyung comes yelling at them for making noise at the ass crack of dawn. "I just wanted to let you know that... that I'd really like to talk to you and Sunoo hyung once he comes back. About... y'know."
Jake freezes in the middle of picking his bags up off the floor and lets them plop back down with a soft thud. His lips part in slight surprise, but soon enough a smile brightens his features and he gingerly steps closer.
"Is that why you stayed up so late?" he asks. "You could've texted Sunoo and me. You must be tired."
Jungwon shrugs and scratches the back of his neck, but he steadily holds Jake's gaze. "I just knew that if I didn't do this in person, I probably would've chickened out and missed out on something beautiful."
Jake's entire demeanor visibly softens, his eyebrows raise in a slight curve and his bright eyes are pools of warmth and affection when he looks at Jungwon. This one moment is worth every minute Jungwon spent over the week rehearsing what to say and how to approach them. And suddenly all the fear melts away, he feels excited for Sunoo's arrival as well, wants to see his smile, wants to hear him saying his name.
"Oh, Wonie, c'mere," before Jungwon can fully realise what's happening, Jake is gathering him into a bear hug. His arms instinctively return the gesture and when his face finds the crook of Jake's neck, it feels like it was made to rest there. Like everything that has ever happened in his life led him to this moment, led to him finding love and warmth in the arms of these two people he considered his best friends. He closes his eyes and lets himself enjoy the quiet of the apartment and the steady beat of Jake's heart. The rhythm of Jake's fingers running through his hair has his eyes drooping as sleep threatens to overtake him.
Jake pulls back gently, cupping his cheeks. Jungwon's breath catches in his throat as he stares into those warm brown eyes, sparkling in the dim lamplight as they trace his facial features. They briefly settle on his lips, but Jake doesn't move. He wants Sunoo to be here for this.
"You go get some sleep, hm? We'll welcome Sunoo back together," Jake tucks a strand of hair behind his ear and Jungwon can only nod, afraid that if he tries to speak the only sound to escape him would be mouselike squeaks.
When Jake tucks him into bed, it feels like a lucid dream, like the developing scene is real but at the same time skewed through some kind of fantastical lense. What he knows is real, however, is the warmth of Jake's lips as they press a tender kiss against his temple and the soft "good night" whispered against Jungwon's ear. He falls asleep almost instantly, the scent of Jake's perfume clinging to his shirt and the excitement of seeing his Sunoo hyung ever present in his mind.
***
When he stirs awake the next morning, the sun is already steadily shining through his bedroom window.
He'd forgot his phone in the living room last night, so he has no way to check for the time, but he wouldn't be surprised if it was nearing noon. His stomach turns with excitement. That would mean Jake already went to fetch Sunoo from the airport.
He stumbles out of his bed, leaving it in a mess as he pulls out some decent clothes from the closet, and rushes into the bathroom, grabbing his toothbrush in the process. He does his usual morning ritual only half paying attention, his head filled with thoughts of his hyungs. When he's finally ready and looks somewhat presentable, he stands in front of his bedroom door, looking at the polished wooden surface and trying to calm his breathing. With a trembling hand, he opens it and peeks out into the hallway.
The dorm is unusually quiet. In Jungwon's experience, by this time in the morning all the group members would be hogging the couch and the dining table, having late breakfast or fighting for the PlayStation controller. Heeseung is still on his solo work trip, but Jay and Riki are loud enough on their own and he hears nothing from them. Sunghoon's room is open and when he looks inside, the bed is made and there's no trace of him to be found.
A sound vaguely coming from the direction of the kitchen snaps him out of his thoughts. Only then does he notice the aroma permeating the dorm. Bacon! Jay must be making breakfast.
Jungwon's stomach grumbles when he runs into the kitchen. "Jay hyung, have you-"
He stops dead in his tracks as two figures look over their shoulders at him. Sunoo and Jake are standing over the stove, a mess of pans and kitchen utensils strewn about them. There's an opened carton of eggs, a packet of bacon, a box of pancake mix and halfway cut fruit lying on the kitchen counters. A plate is neatly set on the island separating Jungwon from the two, with an unceremonious heap of what looks to be scrambled eggs occupying about half of the surface.
"Wonie!" Sunoo squeals, tossing aside the spatula he was holding and slamming into Jungwon so hard he nearly knocks him off his feet. As he's being drowned in the enthusiastic embrace, Jungwon sees Jake struggling with the bacon in the sizzling pan. When he tips it out onto the plate, the strips look almost entirely burnt.
"Hi, hyung," Jungwon wraps his arms around Sunoo, pulling him as close as he physically can. There's a flutter in his chest again, and if he develops some kind of heart condition he'll know who to blame. Sunoo's been home for a while, because he's dressed casually and his hair feels slightly damp against Jungwon's cheek. The scent of his shower gel breaks through the aroma of the clumsy breakfast they're trying to prepare, and Jungwon thinks there can't be a sweeter smell anywhere in the entire world.
"Did we wake you up? We tried to be quiet, but we're not really good at... well, all of this," Sunoo pouts as he nods towards the mess in the kitchen.
Jake is leaning against the counter, mixing pancake batter in a large bowl. Jungwon tries his best not to stare at his forearms, the toned muscle revealed now that he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. "I know I said we'd welcome Sunoo back together, but you stayed up so late and looked so adorable sleeping that I didn't have the heart to wake you," he smiles. "So we decided to surprise you with breakfast in bed. Didn't really go to plan, I'm afraid."
Jungwon flushes at the casual compliment and at the feeling of Sunoo's arm still wrapped around his waist. Judging by their playful expressions, they're entirely aware of the effect they're having on him. Sunoo rests his chin on Jungwon's shoulder, batting his lashes up at him with a sweet smile.
"I hear you wanna tell us something," he teases.
Jungwon blushes even harder, if that was possible. Sunoo is so near to him their noses would bump if Jungwon turned his head even slightly. He can feel his warm breath against his jaw, and the hand settled on his hip is sending sparks throughout his nervous system. If they knew even half of the true extent of how sensitive he is to anything they do, he'd be done for.
"Baby, you're gonna make him faint," Jake chuckles, setting aside the pancake bowl and approaching them. He kisses Sunoo's cheek and then leads Jungwon to sit down on the barstool at the kitchen island. The two stand in front of him expectantly, Sunoo practically vibrating with excitement and bouncing on the balls of his feet.
"W-Well, I, uh..." Jungwon stammers, clammy hands gripping the loose fabric of his jeans. Here he goes. "I sort of... maybe... like you. Both of you. A lot. Like... constantly thinking of you. Wanting to be with you. Not being able to sleep without hearing from you. I think about holding your hand. And... and hugging you. Kissing you. That kind of 'like'. Maybe it's more than a 'like'... I think I'm in love with you. I think I have been, for a while. This whole mess, of trying to figure out whether you're together, I guess it made me realise it. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I'm sorry for making everything confusing, I just... I missed you so much. And I can finally say it out loud, that I love you. I really, really do love y- mmph!"
Sunoo's figure is but a blur when he moves forwards, but Jungwon feels every bit of his desperation when their lips crash together. Sunoo's hands bury themselves in the fabric of Jungwon's shirt; he pulls him towards himself, nipping at his lower lip until Jungwon is breathing out his name. Sunoo tastes of strawberry chapstick and his lips feel soft and feverish, patiently leading Jungwon through the kiss. Trembling fingers trace Sunoo's jawline, the slope of his cheeks, the curve of his neck, until they shyly travel downwards and settle on his waist.
When they pull apart, Jungwon is breathless and his head is spinning. His lips tingle and he already misses the warmth that used to rest there.
"Sorry," Sunoo breathes out, grinning at him. "Should've asked first, but..."
Before Jungwon can formulate an answer in his foggy, lovesick mind, Jake's face comes into focus in front of him. One steady, strong hand grips Jungwon's thigh, and another buries itself in the soft hair at the nape of his neck, angling his head upwards ever so slightly. Jake's kisses are gentler, more measured, but they send Jungwon's heart racing all the same. Where Sunoo is playful, Jake is quietly dominant, his lips pressing against the sweet spot right underneath Jungwon's ear and trailing his jawline. Jungwon feels his body completely melting into Jake's hold, swaying slightly when he pulls away with a satisfied grin.
"I think we broke him," Sunoo muses, snapping his fingers in front of Jungwon's face. The younger boy can only stare at them, dazed and flushed tomato red. His hand still limply holds onto Jake's shirt, as if he isn't sure what to do with himself.
"He'll get used to it," Jake intertwines their hands, giving Sunoo a quick peck. 'No, no I won't' Jungwon thinks to himself, watching their interaction. His brain feels like it short-circuited, all he can think about is pulling the both of them back into his arms and having them kiss him senseless.
"Well, Yang Jungwon," Sunoo leans in, smiling when the younger's utterly smitten gaze lands on him. "How does it feel to have two boyfriends?"
Jungwon only leans in to reconnect their lips in response.
***
Later, when Jay arrives home, he finds the three seated at the dining table, stuffing their faces with pancakes and fruit.
Sunoo and Jake had shooed the members away from the dorm that morning, mumbling something about a surprise for Jungwon. Sunghoon and Riki had no problem going out and visiting a game cafe once Jake promised to treat them to a meal in the future. Jay didn't need to be bribed, he'd planned on going to the studio and doing a live anyways.
As he throws his jacket over the back of the couch, Jay first notices the extremely close proximity the trio are sitting in. Jungwon is framed by Sunoo and Jake, each on one side, and Jay briefly wonders how the hell they even have the space to eat efficiently in that formation.
Jungwon looks positively elated to be stuck in this predicament, though. When he looks up at Jay, he grins from ear to ear and waves at him cheerfully. His cheeks are flushed pink and his hair sticks up at odd angles. Jay wonders why his shirt looks so crumpled.
"Jay hyung!" Jungwon says through a mouthful of pancake and strawberry. "Jay hyung, I have two boyfriends!"
Jay immediately stops wondering. More like, grinds his brain to a halt and refuses to think of the mental image that just flashed before his eyes. He takes in the clutter in the kitchen, Jungwon's sparkling eyes and the proud smiles on Sunoo and Jake's faces.
"Congratulations," he deadpans. "You're cleaning that mess up yourselves."
As he trudges towards his room, the trio hear him muttering to himself dejectedly. "He gets two boyfriends and I don't even have the balls to ask Heeseung out on a date. What the fuck?"