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Alaïa clenched her grip on her teddy bear. She walked, trying to avoid the busy adults running everywhere, looking for a familiar face. All she had wanted to do was go to the bathroom, but Papa had been busy talking with other adults and Uncle Jenson, and she knew she would be so fast he wouldn’t even notice she had left his side.
But when she came back, Papa was nowhere to be seen.
She tried to find him, but the place was big and crowded with people. Adults were running everywhere, talking loudly, and more than once, Alaïa nearly fell on her butt because busy adults didn’t notice her or didn’t care.
She hugged her teddy bear even harder. Alaïa wanted to cry so bad, but she couldn’t. She needed to find Papa first.
Then she got an idea. If she couldn’t find Papa, she needed to find someone else, someone she knew would help her find Papa.
She had to find Uncle Lewis.
Alaïa walked with a mission in mind. She had to find Uncle Lewis, and with his help, she would find her Papa.
She walked until she saw a ton of people taking pictures and screaming Uncle Lewis’s name. Alaïa started running when she saw Uncle Lewis’s face. She was so happy that a smile bloomed on her face.
Unfortunately, she didn’t see the little rock on the ground and tripped. Alaïa closed her eyes, waiting for the impact, but it never came. She opened her eyes and see Uncle Lewis smiling at her and holding her.
“Are you okay, little one?”
Alaïa felt tears pickling his eyes. She was so tired and all she wanted was to find her Papa, and she finally found Uncle Lewis. Someone next to Uncle Lewis snorted. “Can’t believe you’re making kids cry, Lew.”
Uncle Lewis winced. “I’m not making her cry, Georges.” Uncle Lewis looked back at her, “Everything is okay, alright? Where are your parents?”
Alaïa jumped at his neck and started sobbing. “I lost Papa Uncle Lewis! Please help me find him! Papa told me to find you if one day I was lost because he knew you would always find him and protect me.”
— — —
Lewis froze as he felt the tension spread among the drivers. They had just finished the driver parade, and he was looking to go back inside the safety of the Mercedes motorhome. Isn’t that he didn’t like meeting the fans, but he always enjoyed the quiet of his driver room.
It hasn’t always been like that. There was a time his driver room had been messier and more troublesome than anything else, and it was thanks to one person only.
One person Lewis refused to spare a single thought because he knew he would end up lost in the past, and it would affect his driving. That person had turned his world upside down every time their eyes met and every time they shared a smile or a touch. That person was Lewis’s world, no, the center of his universe, and one day his sun decided to leave, turning Lewis’s universe into a cold, gray environment.
Lewis looks at that little girl and wants to think it’s a sick joke. Some twisted parents say Lewis is their child’s uncle only to get an autograph or picture, but in the back of his mind, there was this little traitorous voice whispering that there was only one person on earth with those blue ocean eyes, blond hair like wheat, and a shy smile.
“Who is your papa?”
The little girl rubbed her eyes, and Lewis knew he didn’t need her to say it. He knew it already. He knew it to his bones.
That little girl had Nico’s face written all over her.
She softly spoke, and her little fists clenched on his shirt. “Papa is Papa Nico. Nico Rosberg.”
Lewis can hear George's gaps. Maybe Charles and Pierre, too. He heard Max whisper, “She does look like Britney,” to probably Charles or Checo. He can feel some drivers tensed and some, maybe the younger ones, wanting to ask questions, but right now Lewis didn’t care.
He didn’t care about anything because Nico’s daughter needed him.
Lewis scooped her in his arms and started going on the main path. “It’s okay, sweetie, we’re going to find Papa,” and leave the other drivers without looking back. While they’re walking, some fans and journalists try to talk to him or film him. Lewis is careful; he protects the little girl’s face as he knows Nico was protecting his daughters fiercely.
He was still following Nico on Instagram, and every time Nico posted a picture or videos of his family, the two girls’ faces were blurred, and Lewis would protect them too. He knew following Nico wasn’t healthy, but he needed to see that he was okay and happy.
So Lewis apologized to journalists, saying he’s busy and he’s quick with fans, taking pictures, but hiding the little girl’s face in his neck and signing autographs.
Lewis kept walking fast, his feet bringing him to the journalist’s area, hoping Nico would be with Sky Sport. He tries to find familiar blue eyes, soft blond hair, and a beautiful smile.
It’s probably been half an hour since the little girl, probably Alaïa, since Naila would be too young, found him, and they still hadn’t found Nico. Lewis mentally insulted himself for deleting four years ago Nico’s number, but it wasn’t entirely his fault. He had been drunk, sad, and heartbroken. A part of him thought he still knew it by heart, but he was too scared to try and found out Nico had blocked him.
Alaïa pressed her face against Lewis’s cheek. “Do you think we’re going to find Papa Uncle Lewis?”
“Of course we’re going to find Papa, don’t worry, sweetie, okay?”
Alaïa nodded, but Lewis knew she was on the verge of crying again. He noticed the teddy bear in her arms, which she was holding fiercely. It was grey and was wearing a black shirt with the Mercedes logo on it. “It’s a cool teddy bear that you have.”
The little girl beamed, “That’s Lew, Uncle Lewis. It’s the teddy bear you gifted me on my birthday.”
Five years ago, at Alaïa's first birthday, Lewis had brought that teddy bear, but in the back of his mind, he always thought either Nico threw it away or Alaïa didn’t like it. He never thought she would have kept it even five years later.
Lewis continued scanning with his eyes around and was about to leave to go to the Mercedes motorhome, hoping Toto still had Nico’s number, when he saw him.
Nico’s soft blue eyes were filled with panic, his blond hair was messy, and his face was twisted with fear. Nico was on the phone, talking in German, his hands were shaking so hard Lewis thought it was a miracle he was holding his phone, and despite the years, Lewis knew Nico like the back of his hand. He was two minutes away from a panic attack.
Before he could call Nico, wanting to calm him, saying everything was okay, that his baby was safe and sound, Alaïa saw her Papa and beat him, shouting as loud as her little lungs could. “Papa!”
Nico froze and looked at them. Lewis saw tension leaving Nico’s body and started to run to them. Nico hugged Alaïa, still in Lewis’s arms, and kissed multiple time her face. “Oh, baby, Papa was so scared. Where were you?”
“I wanted to pee. I’m sorry, Papa.”
Nico cupped her face, “Never ever do that again, okay? Papa thought he had lost you.”
Alaïa’s eyes were filled with tears. “I’m sorry, Papa, but look, I found Uncle Lewis, and he protects me and helps me find you, like you told me.”
That was the moment Nico realized his daughter was in someone’s arms and that the someone was Lewis. Blue and brown eyes met, and Lewis noticed Nico hadn’t changed the slightest. Nico blinked, and his blue eyes were filled with tears. “Thank you. Thank you, Lewis.”
Those two words were the first words Nico said since he left Mercedes and Lewis’s life. Those two simple, little words threw Lewis back when they were ten, maybe eleven, sharing Frosties, and Nico thanked him with a big smile for handing the bag.
Lewis swallowed the lump in his throat. “No problem,” and he meant it. Lewis will fight the world to protect Nico’s daughters.
Delicately, Lewis passed Alaïa to Nico’s arms, and both the little girl and the father hugged each other tightly.
Lewis shifted on his feet, not knowing if he should leave or stay. Try to catch up or leave to lick his wounds alone. Seeing Nico holding his baby felt weird to Lewis. Not that he didn’t see Nico as a dad, Nico has always wanted to become a parent, and Lewis always knew he would be a wonderful, loving, funny dad. No, the weird part was that Lewis thought they would have kids together. He thought they would get married on the beach, small private wedding, and later adopt two kids, maybe more. He didn’t think he would have to see Nico becoming a dad without him.
He didn’t think another woman’s child would have the eyes of the boy he loved, and that he would be nearly a stranger to that child.
Nico kissed Alaïa’s forehead one more time, and Lewis thought this was it. It was his time to quietly leave and leave the father and daughter together. But before he could leave, Alaïa softly asked, “Papa? Do you think Uncle Lewis will let me see his car?”
Lewis felt his stomach twist and wanted to throw up when he saw Nico tensing at her question. “I don’t think so, sweetie.”
“Why?” innocently asked Alaïa.
Nico licked his lips, “Because Uncle Lewis is a very busy man and-”
“It’s okay, she can see it.”
Both Rosbergs looked at him, and even Lewis was surprised by his own words. He saw confusion in the older blue eyes and happiness in the younger ones.”But-”
Alaïa cut her papa, “Really?”
And that was the right moment Lewis knew, he was wrapped around her pinky finger because for those blue sparkling eyes, Lewis would reach for the moon. “Yeah, of course.”
Nico frowned. “Are you sure? It’s okay if you can’t, I mean, I can wait outside, or Alaïa could see pictures-”
Lewis rolled his eyes. Nico was being an idiot again, and there was only one thing that Lewis could do. Take things in charge. He grabbed Nico’s wrist and dragged the two Rosbergs half across the motorhome toward Mercedes. Lewis could hear Nico’s voice, and he tried not to listen. He knew that Nico was being an idiot and irrational because what did he mean by waiting outside?
Did Nico think that because he left Mercedes, it meant he didn’t have a home anymore? That Mercedes wasn’t his family?
When they reached the Mercedes area, Nico was still trying to fight back, while Alaïa’s curious gaze was looking everywhere.
“Lewis, stop it! I can’t come in!”
“Why not?”
“You know why!”
“No, I don’t.”
“I left Lewis, and they probably all hate me-”
“Idiot.”
“What did you say?”
Lewis didn’t need to turn back and look at Nico to know he was frowning. “I said you’re an idiot?”
Alaïa tilted her head, “Papa is an idiot, Uncle Lewis?”
“Yes sweetie, Papa is an idiot.”
Then, while Alaïa was giggling, repeating that her Papa was an idiot, Nico gasped in horror, probably knowing that that simple sentence would become Alaïa’s favorite sentence for the next few weeks.
They passed in different hallways to finally arrive at the garage. In the corner of his eye, Lewis saw Georges talking to his engineer and Toto watching some screen while Bono read his notes.
Lewis cleared his throat as Nico tensed. “Guys? Nico is here with Alaïa, his daughter, who wanted to see my car.”
For a couple of seconds, nobody moved or talked. Nico’s wrist had slipped between two hallways, and Lewis was now holding his hand. Lewis rubbed in circles his thumb on the back of Nico’s hand, trying to calm him and reassure him, but he could feel it wasn’t working.
Nico whispered, “I should probably go, but thank you, Lewis, for trying.”
Lewis felt a lump growing in his throat. Nico looked like a kicked puppy, and Alaïa was hiding her face in her papa’s neck, maybe overwhelmed by all the new faces. Lewis clenched his grip on Nico’s hand when he felt the blond man trying to leave, and that’s when Toto stood up.
The team principal quickly walked toward them, and a grinning smile showed on his face. “You must be Princess Alaïa, right?”
The little girl nodded, making Toto continue, “You want to see Uncle Lewis’s car?” Alaïa nodded again, and Toto quickly but gently picked her from Nico’s arms and walked to Lewis’s car.
Then Bono shouted, “Come on, guys, we’re trained for this moment, so everyone move!”
And suddenly the whole garage moved under their eyes, and Lewis couldn’t help but smile. Bono had never talked about it, or at least not to him, but he had seen the different prototypes, and he couldn’t wait to see it in person. He let go of Nico’s hand and went by Toto’s side, who was still holding Alaïa, pointing out every detail of the car.
Nico slowly advanced but kept his distance, not wanting to disturb Toto’s explanation. He felt someone by his side and saw Bono smiling. “You’ve got a cute kid.”
Nico smiled, “She took all of her mother.”
Bono snorted, “As if that kid doesn’t have Rosberg written all over her face.”
Nico chuckled. He looked around and noticed the garage hadn’t changed much, and then he saw the different engineers coming back holding clothes and boxes. “What’s all this?”
“Stuff.”
Nico raised an eyebrow. “Stuff?”
Bono nodded. “Stuff. You know, as gloves, helmets, shoes, racing suits.” making Nico’s eyes widen, so Bono continued, “What? You think that because you left, you aren’t family anymore? Your kids are like our nieces, so of course, we got everything ready. We calculated their height and weight by their age and the videos and pictures you post. We created different versions, too, in case she didn’t like it.”
Nico looked back at his daughter and saw Toto trying to check if the suit would fit, as for the gloves and shoes, as Lewis detoured Alaïa’s attention with explanations. Then Nico swore he only blinked, and Alaïa was in a full racing Mercedes driver suit. He tried not to cry when he saw the number six and Rosberg’s name on his baby girl’s driving suit.
Alaïa's smile was so big it was stretching her ears, “Papa, look! It’s so pretty! I’m a drive now like Uncle Lewis!”
Bono smirked, “Glad she likes it.”
Nico joked, “You made the suit pink and put unicorns on it, she will want to keep it for sleeping now.”
Bono smirked, grew even further, “The unicorns were Toto’s idea.”
Then Nico turned his head back and, with horror, saw Lewis sit in the car and Toto putting Alaïa on Lewis’s lap. But what truly horrified Nico was when Lewis turned the car on and they started to drive .
“Lewis Carl Davidson Hamilton! What the fudge are you doing!” shouted Nico as he ran to the car. Being a parent changed Nico in a way he never thought he would. For example, swear words. Nico forbade himself from swearing the day Alaïa told her kindergarten teacher that “fuck no, she won’t fucking stop playing.”
“Alaïa wanted to see what driving felt like.”
Alaïa shouted and waved at her papa, “Look! Papa, I’m driving!”
Nico shouted back, “I see baby!” and looked back at Lewis, “You stop that car now Lewis.”
Lewis, that stupid idiot man, dared to shuggred and smirk, “No can do, mate, Alaïa is driving, not me.”
Nico turned his back to the car and shouted, “Toto! Do something!”
And a part of Nico really hoped Toto would do something. There were three or maybe four hours away from the race, and Toto needed to do something before the FIA decided to penalize Lewis with a five-second or worse ten-second penalty or worse ban him from the race. He really thought Toto would prioritize the team over Lewis’s stupid idea to make Alaïa smile and happy, but no.
Nico had been wrong. So wrong.
Toto grinned at him. “Pay back Rosberg. That's pay back for all of those gray hairs you gave me.”
Nico gasped and heard Alaïa and Lewis’s laughter. He looked back at them and saw with horror the car ready to leave the pit line at maybe twenty kilometres per hour. Nico ran after them and saw the two of them broadcasting live on one of the giant screens. Thank goodness Alaïa had her pink Mercedes helmet, and no one could see her adorable baby face.
Then Jenson, that traitor, made his voice heard on the circuit through the speaker.
“There she is, Alaïa Rosberg, the Mercedes rising star, leaving the pit lane! Will she pass the finish line first and, like her father, win Silverstone? Rosberg leaves the pit lane, and she brilliantly overtakes all of her opponents, and the finish line is in view. Will Rosberg cross it and become the victor of the seventy-first edition?”
Nico stopped running to admire the view. The fans, bless their hearts, were screaming at the top of their lungs to cheer Alaïa. One of the Mercedes engineers was waving the checkered flag like his life depended on it, and Nico wondered if Bono or Toto was talking to Alaïa, advising her, or if Lewis was doing all the job.
Nico watched his little baby girl crossing the Silverstonne’s finish line, and the crowd cheered as Jenson shouted so loud into the microphone that he was probably breaking his voice.
“Alaïa Rosberg became the seventy-one champion here in Silverstone and is number one for the driver championship! That little girl is going to surpass his father, Britney Rosberg, and will become the third Rosberg to win the championship!”
Nico isn’t even mad at Jenson for calling him Britney again on live TV. How could he be? His daughter was jumping everywhere, showing everyone her happiness. Maybe he should consider taking her racing lessons.
After all, racing wasn’t so bad; it had brought him the love of his life.
— — —
It’s late. So late that the moon is high in the sky, the wind is cold, and stars dot the sky. Yet Nico is outside, sitting on the concrete of a five-star hotel’s balcony. He’s drinking a beer, and Alaïa is sleeping in one of the two single beds, wearing her driver suit. The day had drained her in the best way. She had spent the race in the Mercedes garage with Bono and Toto watching her Uncle Lewis while Nico was at the commentary. Bono told him they even gave Alaïa the privilege to be the first one to congratulate her Uncle Lewis after he passed the finish line first.
But the thing was, Nico wasn’t alone sitting on the concrete. Lewis was right by his side, holding his half-empty beer, stargazing.
There is silence between them, and Nico felt his skin ache because of it. He hated that. He hated that awkward tense silence. They were childhood best friends for fuck sake. They did everything together. Eating Frosties at one a.m. because Nico had a nightmare. Crying on each other’s shoulders after Lewis faced racism during a race weekend. Cuddled when Nico fights his own mind, hearing that mean tiny voice saying he wasn’t good enough and never will be.
They were there for each other for the bad but also for the good moments.
When Lewis won his first championship. When Nico won his first race. When they shared their first kiss in the dark under the fireworks during a New Year’s party when they were fourteen, and their parents were downstairs celebrating.
But at some point, things changed.
Lewis wasn’t at his wedding. Lewis wasn’t in the waiting room for the girls’ birth. Lewis didn’t celebrate his championship. Just like Nico didn’t celebrate his fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh championships. He didn’t celebrate his hundredth pole nor his hundredth victory.
Nico turned his eyes and looked at the sky.
Then Lewis’s voice broke the silence, “What do you think?”
Nico hummed, “Sorry?”
Lewis shyly smiled, “You had that frown when you’re lost in your head about something. So what do you think?”
“You.” Nico continued trying not to think that Lewis’s small gasp made his cheeks burn. “How you won the race today and yet still called my daughter the true winner and made the staff put her name on the trophy.”
Lewis giggled, making Nico's smile grow further. “It was so funny. Your face was so funny.”
“My face?”
“Yeah mate, when you saw Alaïa in the car with me, your face-” Lewis couldn’t even finish his sentence because he was laughing too hard.
Nico gasped and put his hand on his heart. “Are you making fun of me? My six-year-old baby was sitting in a Formula One car, Lewis! Of course, I was terrified!”
“But I was there! I was right there, nothing bad could have happened to her.”
And Nico knows that. He knows to his bones that despite their differences, Lewis will always protect his daughters. That's why when he agreed to bring Alaïa to the grid, he told his daughter that if anything happened, research Uncle Lewis because Uncle Lewis will fix everything.
Silence fell between them again until Lewis broke it with a question that hurt Nico more than he thought.
“I was surprised she called me Uncle Lewis.”
“What did you want to be called?”
Lewis shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe just Lewis. Or Hamilton.”
“Well, you’re the one who keeps dropping gifts for them at Christmas and at their birthdays on my doorstep. I wasn’t going to lie to them.”
Lewis snorted, “What did you say?”
“On Christmas, I say that Santa confused our apartments, and Uncle Lewis knew they would be sad if they didn’t get their gifts, so he brought them back, and on their birthday that Uncle Lewis is very busy driving, so that’s why he couldn’t be there, but he thought of them very much.”
“They want me at their birthday parties?”
“Of course they want you.” Nico smiled, “You’re their favorite person in the world. I had to buy all your merch to decorate their bedrooms.”
Lewis snorted, “At least one Rosberg doesn’t hate me.”
“I could never hate you, Lewis. Not even a little bit.”
Lewis pinched his lips, but Nico refused to let the silence settle between them. He refused to let insecurities and unsaid take what was one of the best from him again, so he continued.
“I’ve got death threats. I mean, I always got them, but last week, one of them wrote what they would do to-” His voice broke memories of the letter clouding his mind, “to Alaïa and Naila if they took them. I already promised Alaïa to bring her to Silverstone, and I couldn’t go back on my promise, or she would have hated me. So I made her promise that if anything happens, to find you and stay by your side because Lewis, I knew to my bones that you will always protect them.”
Lewis’s eyes were glossy. “Where is Naila?”
“Safe. With Vivian at her parents, it’s her week. When I couldn’t find her, I truly thought that sick monster had taken her and that I had lost my baby. But you found her and protect her.”
Lewis slightly frowned, “Her week?”
Nico nodded and pinched his lip. He took a sip of his cold beer. “We divorced a couple of months ago. We’re still friends.”
“Oh. What happened?”
Nico snorted, “Alaïa asked me something and I realized I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.” The German saw Lewis’s frowning eyebrows and continued, “One day, Alaïa asked Vivian if I was her first love. Vivian said yes, and then Alaïa asked the same thing, if her mama was my first love, and I found myself unable to say it. So I said the truth.” Nico looked at Lewis, and blue and brown crashed again for the second time in the day. “My first love was a British boy.” Nico looked away. He took another sip of beer and watched the stars. “That day, I realized I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. Vivian was a sweetheart and understood everything. She said she only wanted me to be happy.”
Silence fell, but not for long. Nico didn’t know what Lewis’s reaction would be, but not this. He thought of Lewis getting up and telling him to stay out of his life. He thought of insults, he thought of disgusted looks, but not this. Not soft, loving eyes.
“A German boy.” Lewis smiled, “My first love was a German boy.”
“Are you still close to him?”
“No, but I wish I were. He’s kind, smart, loving, and beautiful. And you? Are you close to that British boy?”
“No, unfortunately. I miss him, though. I miss him like a part of me. Do you still love that German boy?”
Lewis answered without a bet. “I never stopped loving him. Not even a little bit. You?”
Nico swallowed the lump in his throat. “I thought I did, but I can’t. I only exist to love him.”
Nico feels Lewis wrapping his pinky finger around his own. They smile at each other under the stars and for the first time in years, Nico tells himself he’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.
— — —
When Alaïa woke up, she first rubbed her eyes. She smiled when he saw her driving suit and was so happy, and her Papa agreed for her to sleep with. She loved seeing her name and the number six on it, but she most importantly loved the unicorns.
Yesterday had been so great. She saw Uncle Lewis and couldn’t wait to tell her little sister. Uncle Lewis was so kind and great. She loved him so much, and Papa loved him too.
She wasn’t blind. She had seen the look. Papa looked at Uncle Lewis like he was looking at Mama before they separated. She looked around and smiled when she saw Papa asleep in the second, but she tilted her head when she saw a tattooed arm around her Papa’s torso.
Alaïa stood up on the bed and giggled when she saw her Uncle Lewis asleep as well, holding her papa. Uncle Lewis had his face in her Papa’s neck, and the bed was so small that they were holding each other.
Then Papa cracked an eye, “What time is it, baby?”
Alaïa sat back on the bed and looked at her Papa’s phone. “It’s 7:30, Papa.”
Her papa yawned and closed his eyes again. “It’s too early to be awake, baby. Go back to sleep, okay?”
“Is Uncle Lewis going to stay with us?”
Papa opened his eyes again and smiled, “Yeah, Uncle Lewis is going to stay with us if that’s okay with you.”
Alaïa nodded, “I love Uncle Lewis.”
“I love Uncle Lewis, too. Now go back to sleep before we wake him up.”
Alaïa smiled and went back under her cover. She closed her eyes, smiling. She hoped Uncle Lewis would be able to help them make Papa happy again. Papa always smiled brighter when he spoke about Uncle Lewis.