Chapter Text
“Crap!” Yoshiki mutters under his breath. That’s the 4th time in a row he’s lost to Hikaru. The boys are laid out on Hikaru’s bed, eyes glued to the small tv in the blonde boy’s room, playing Nashi-Tetsu. It’s Hikaru’s game, so it makes sense for him to be better at it but it’s annoying just how much better he is. Occasionally Yoshiki will score a win but sometimes he thinks that Hikaru lets him, just so that he’ll keep playing with him. Yoshiki sighs, setting the game controller on the bed.
“I’m getting bored of this.”
“That’s ‘cause you’re losing, Yoshikiiii.” Hikaru teases with a big, dumb grin. Yoshiki kicks his friend, making Hikaru burst into laughter.
“Let’s do something else… You wanna read the new manga I got?” Yoshiki asks.
Hikaru’s laughter dies down. Instead of agreeing right away like he usually would, Hikaru gets up and turns the game off. He puts the controllers back, takes the game out of the console, puts it back in the case, then slides it back into the shelf, silently. Yoshiki is about to repeat himself when Hikaru comes back onto his bed, kneeling down over the black-haired boy. His eyes have their usual bright, shiny quality, but he’s chewing on the inside of his cheek.
“Actually… I wanna do something else, Yoshiki.” Hikaru says.
“Like what?”
Hikaru keeps chewing at the inside of his lip. It’s annoying, distracting. There’s a long, pregnant moment before Hikaru musters up the courage to say what he wants to say.
"Do you remember last summer?"
"Yeah, what about it?" Yoshiki replies.
"Remember when Maki sent around that prank video?" Hikaru asks.
Yoshiki thinks hard for a second. Last summer… that was before Hikaru died... and became... whatever he is now. Yoshiki recalls the video, and his cheeks flush a little too.
"Yeah… W-What about it?"
"I remember when I clicked on that link... I was right here in bed, alone thankfully." Hikaru chuckles lightly before his face slowly drops. "Did you watch it too, Yoshiki?"
Yoshiki swallows hard before a scowl takes over his face. "I opened it up, saw what it was, and then I turned it off, obviously. It was a dumb prank; Maki is an idiot."
Hikaru seems to study his face. Yoshiki feels weirdly warm, from the way his friend is looking at him, and leaning over him. It's dead quiet in the room for a long beat. Loaded, in a strange way. Yoshiki is about to ask why he brought it up, but Hikaru speaks first.
"I watched it. The whole thing."
It's Yoshiki's turn to stare now. His mouth falls open slowly. Hikaru had told Yoshiki that he didn’t watch it. He swore up and down that he hadn’t, acting incredibly weird about it.
It was a porn video, of two grown men. Their dumbass classmate, Maki, had sent it around because he's immature. It was just a gotcha, the kind of dumb shit kids do. Yoshiki wasn't lying when he said he'd opened it, saw what it was, then turned the video off.
What he left out, however, was that Yoshiki remembers that he couldn't sleep the night he had seen it; That he laid awake, staring at his ceiling. The parts of the video he saw were replaying in his head on a strange loop.
In the video, two good-looking men were in a bedroom. It looked amateur, genuine. The video began with the men kissing. They pressed their lips together so soft and urgent, their hands tangling around each other. Yoshiki remembers the sinking feeling he got in his stomach. Men weren't supposed to kiss each other... yet here they were. Older than Yoshiki was, and all on video, for anyone to see.
The men both closed their eyes, letting their bodies lead. Their hands carefully explored clothed skin, as their mouths moved slowly in tandem. Strangest of all, they hadn't looked disgusted. Not even a little bit... Or ashamed. It wasn't a joke, or a prank, or a dare. They looked...
They looked like they were enjoying it. Like the taste of each other's lips were guiding them to do what happened later in the video, which Yoshiki hadn't watched.
He hadn't.
Not that night, at least.
When one of the men pulled the other closer, they both let out a soft noise. Their bodies were so in sync. When the smaller one's hand found its way between the other's legs and he started rubbing his privates, that's when Yoshiki had repeatedly hit the X button on the video. He threw his phone halfway across the room, a weird feeling burrowing its way into his chest and stomach.
When he tried to sleep that night, Yoshiki couldn't get the images out of his head. He tossed and turned for hours, feeling stupid and afraid and disgusting. He had curled into a ball and cried, unsure what was happening to him.
Yoshiki never told anyone, he vowed to take it to the grave… but that night his prick got hard, thinking about the men in that video... Though he had been far too ashamed to touch himself.
The memories make anxiety rise in Yoshiki, stifled only by a burgeoning curiosity.
“Y-You did?... Back then?”
Hikaru’s normally cheerful face looks different. He’s fidgeting with Yoshiki’s blanket, something he always does when he’s nervous. Hikaru nods slowly.
"Why are you bringing that up?" Yoshiki asks. He has other questions he wants to ask -mainly: Why did Hikaru watch that video? And why did he lie about it?- but Yoshiki doesn’t begin to know how. Or what he would do with those answers.
Hikaru lets out a little breath. He tilts his head at Yoshiki, like he expects his friend to read between the lines, but Yoshiki isn’t good at that and he’s starting to get nervous, which is making him annoyed. Their positions are too compromising, so Yoshiki pushes his friend back off of him and Hikaru lets himself be moved.
"Spit it out." Yoshiki says.
"I wanna do that." Hikaru whispers almost inaudibly. He's looking to the side now, away from Yoshiki. Yoshiki's heart skips.
"D-Do what?"
“The stuff in the video…”
…
“So…” Hikaru says, looking anywhere but at his friend, sitting across from him on the bed. “W… h-how do we start?”
Yoshiki’s eyes widen. “What do you mean? This was your idea.”
Hikaru pouts, sticking his bottom lip out. Yoshiki feels his nerves growing. He had said yes… maybe that was a mistake, but something had fluttered in his stomach when Hikaru asked. Something warm and light danced inside his gut and Hikaru looked so… so…
beautiful.
Yoshiki knows how wrong it is to think that, but he couldn’t help it... He’s also unfortunately aware that what him and his male friend are about to do is also wrong, though Yoshiki would be lying if he said he understood why. But he’s known it since a young age. Yoshiki’s heard about it all over town: From his elderly neighbors, his classmates, even his own mother and brother.
Yoshiki remembers when the Tanaka boy had ‘come out’ as everyone called it. Word spread that he’d started living with another man from town, apparently the two were in a relationship; Like a boyfriend and girlfriend…
That day, Yoshiki’s mother and brother were talking about it in the kitchen when Yoshiki had come down for breakfast and he eavesdropped. Yoshiki heard the way his family members spoke about the men under their breath, like what they were doing was something terrible. He remembers this weird anger arising in his chest. That he had felt like his family was judging the two men, for something Yoshiki didn’t even understand. The black-haired boy had walked into the kitchen and asked his mom point-blank why it was a bad thing: For two men to love each other.
It’s burned into Yoshiki’s memory, the way his mom’s lips had pursed, and her eyebrows had shot up, like it was embarrassing to even talk about.
She told Yoshiki, “It just is. It isn’t the way things are supposed to be, Yoshiki. It’s gross and unnatural: Two men being together in that way. It’s inappropriate, and for the rest of their lives they’ll have to live with being gawked at and talked about. They’ll never be accepted.”
A sinking feeling buried itself deep inside of Yoshiki. He didn’t know why, but it felt like his mom was talking about him. Yoshiki’s thoughts flashed to his best friend. Since their boyhood, Hikaru and he have talked about living together. Not to do anything gross or inappropriate… but because they’re best friends and the idea of growing up and being apart felt sad. It felt devastating.
Yoshiki’s had hung his head down and he sat quietly for breakfast, mulling over this new, gut-wrenching information. If he wanted to grow up and live with Hikaru, then he would be gawked at and talked about by everyone in town, forever? It didn’t feel fair.
His mom, oblivious to the pain and anguished she’d caused, had sat down across from Yoshiki with a soft smile on her face.
“I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about that with any of my children.” She had said, her eyes carefully passing from Yoshiki’s brother to his sister, and then to him, like bullets being unloaded from a revolver. The words stung just as hard. Yoshiki had to excuse himself from the table, shooting pains were starting to roil in his stomach. He locked himself in the bathroom and vomited, crying uncontrollably.
Yoshiki tucks the unpleasant memories away. His palms have started sweating, and he’s nervous as hell, but he wants this. He’ll live with being disgusting if it means at least getting to try it once.
Hikaru gives his friend a shaky smile. “I… I’ve never done this before… I think we’re supposed to take our clothes off…”
“Okay.” Yoshiki mutters, feeling the nerves build as his friend shuffles closer. They’re both in their school uniforms, except for their shoes, which are left neatly in the entry way of the house. Hikaru’s parents are staying a few hours away in town for the night, visiting family. Otherwise, the boys probably wouldn’t be doing what they’re about to do.
Hikaru’s hands find their way to the bottom of Yoshiki’s white shirt. The black-haired boy doesn’t know where to look. It feels awkward to stare at his friend as he undresses him, but Yoshiki can’t help but watch Hikaru’s slender fingers as they start to undo the buttons. Hikaru’s face looks engrossed in what he’s doing. There’s a small tint of red on his cheeks, which Yoshiki doubts is from the sun. His friend’s eyes flit up to his and the blond boy’s breath hitches. His fingers stop.
“What?” Yoshiki asks, finding his breath a little heavy.
“Y… You can take mine off too.”
Yoshiki already feels out of it, and they’ve barely started. He gives his friend a little nod and his shaky fingers start working at the buttons on Hikaru’s shirt. They slip off quickly and more of more of Hikaru’s soft stomach is exposed as the article opens. Yoshiki has seen his friend in just his underwear many times: At sleepovers, in the pool, hell, they used to bathe together when they were small. But seeing the soft lines of Hikaru’s abdomen in this setting… it’s a whole new experience.
Yoshiki peels his friend’s shirt off, letting the material fall to the ground, and his own shirt follows. It’s a warm summer day but Yoshiki’s nipples harden in the cool air of Hikaru’s dark room. The two boys study what they’ve uncovered silently, the gravity of the situation dawning on them.
Hikaru’s staring at him, swallowing hard as his eyes fall to Yoshiki’s pants. He seems so nervous that it’s starting to make Yoshiki feel like maybe his friend has changed his mind. He wants this, badly, but not if Hikaru doesn’t.
“Do you want to stop?…”
Hikaru quickly shakes his head. “No. It’s not that… Um… N-Next is our pants…”
Hikaru leans forward and grabs the waistband of Yoshiki trousers, but Yoshiki recalls something. This isn’t how the video went… They didn’t sit in silence and methodically take each other’s clothes off… The first thing they did was…
“W-Wait, Hikaru.”
“Yeah?”
Yoshiki can’t find the words to ask his friend, so instead, with Hikaru bent over him, Yoshiki grabs the blond’s face and pulls Hikaru’s mouth to his. The blond boy makes a startled noise, like he’s been caught off guard. For a long moment, the ‘kiss’ is nothing more than barely touching lips and warm breaths tickling each other’s noses. Hikaru seems to snap out of it, and he takes the lead, pressing his hot mouth gently into Yoshiki’s, exploring him. They both close their eyes and let their bodies lead the way. Yoshiki lies down on the bed and Hikaru chases his lips, climbing on top of him to not break apart. Hikaru’s body is domineering; It’s pushing, and taking, and savoring.
Yoshiki’s is more pliant. All sorts of warm, sharp sensations spark in his stomach as he enjoys being led and tasted. He feels something soft and slick lapping against his lips, so he instinctually opens, and Hikaru is sliding his tongue inside of Yoshiki’s mouth; His friend is slipping it against his, and nothing has ever felt more intense. Yoshiki’s hands slip into blond hair, and his body is asking Hikaru for things he would never be able to verbalize. Hikaru’s mouth tastes a little like the fruity gum he was chewing earlier but it also tastes like warmth, like hunger. Hikaru grabs Yoshiki’s hands like he does when they play-fight and pins the black-haired boy to the bed. Their mouths break and Yoshiki is gasping in air, trying to figure out which is more important: Hikaru’s lips, or breathing.
“Got you.” Hikaru says out of breath. With their lips apart, Yoshiki feels anxiety flood his bloodstream. They kissed… Him and Hikaru kissed… And it was the best thing he’s ever felt in his life. Maybe he is like the Tanaka boy after all… Yoshiki starts to feel paralyzed with that fear but then Hikaru opens his dumb, pretty mouth again.
“You taste good, Shiki… Really good.”
Heat rushes into Yoshiki’s face, he’s sure he’s as red as a tomato. His mouth falters as he tries to answer back, but he can’t make his voice surface. So instead, Yoshiki urgently presses his mouth back to Hikaru’s, initiating. This time around, things feel more dire. Hikaru is pushing him hard into his bed, making ragged noises against Yoshiki’s mouth as they kiss. The blond shoves his tongue in right away, slipping it as far in as it’ll go. Yoshiki feels like he’s being dominated, like his friend wants to take control of him. It’s almost punishing. Yoshiki whines against the intrusion, feeling overwhelmed by the aggression. It’s not bad, it just feels like too much.
The black-haired boy realizes that his trousers have gotten tighter. He feels his prick, warm and hard, straining against the seam of his pants. Is that supposed to happen just from kissing? Are they doing something gross and wrong?
A deep noise rumbles out of Hikaru and Yoshiki’s brain turns off and then there’s nothing. Nothing except the meshing of their mouths and the breathy sounds of them panting for air. Melding: That word comes to mind as they feast on each other. Is that what’s happening?
When Hikaru pulls back, his pupils are glowing red in the dim light, casting a hue on his face. He’s panting and shaking, he looks monstrous… Yoshiki’s seen Hikaru’s eyes bleed like that: When the thing that’s in his friend’s body comes out. It should be terrifying, and Yoshiki is definitely afraid.
But he’s also feeling other things. Louder things. Things that make his toes curl and his stomach lurch.
“Do you remember what happened next in the video?” Hikaru asks.
Yoshiki swallows hard. He does remember. He remembers the way his heart had starting thrumming in his chest when he saw it… The black-haired boy nods slowly, unable to look into Hikaru’s blood-red pupils, until the sound of Hikaru chuckling meanly makes him look up.
“I thought you said you turned it off, Shiki. Guess you did watch it.” He says with a shit-eating grin, starting to pop open the buttons of Yoshiki’s trousers. Yoshiki’s feels like he can’t move. Hikaru undoes his pants and pulls them down, exposing his friend’s black underwear. The outline of his hard-on is completely visible and Yoshiki feels like he needs to cover himself immediately.
“W-Wait, Hikaru.” He whines, but Hikaru looks awestruck. His pupils have dilated, spilling into the whites of his eyes. His mouth is open, his sharp canine teeth glinting in the low light. He looks like a predator… like an animal, waiting to rip Yoshiki open.
Hikaru brings a finger to the bulge, tracing the shape out. Nothing has ever touched Yoshiki there before, besides his own fingers. Fireworks burst between his legs and he’s instinctually opening them up for Hikaru to explore him. His dick feels warm, like it’s throbbing. Like he’s going to cum all over himself any moment... Strong fingers hook into the waistband of his briefs and Hikaru pulls them down. Yoshiki’s cock unfurls from the fabric and lies on his stomach, sitting straight up and leaking from the tip. The black-haired boy looks at his own arousal and his mouth goes dry. He brings his finger to his slit, feeling the bead of wetness. He’s never gotten wet there before…
Hikaru’s big hand finds Yoshiki’s cock, and a little noise slips out of the black-haired boy. Yoshiki’s imagined this scenario many times before; He’s touched himself trying not to think about this many times. Now that it’s happening, he feels like he’s going to pass out. The blond boy gives his dick an experimental tug, and the sensation is too much.
“S-Stop.” Yoshiki whines, trying to turn away from the exposure, but Hikaru doesn’t. Instead, his friend slides his hand down and gently cups Yoshiki’s balls, stroking them in his hand. That feels somehow more embarrassing, but it also feels really good. Another strand of pre dribbles out of Yoshiki, to his horror.
“Don’t you want me to do what they did in the video?” Hikaru asks, his voice deepening. “’M gonna suck your big dick, Yoshiki.”
The dirty words make his blush deepen. Despite Yoshiki’s pleas, he can’t bring himself to stop Hikaru. He wants this. A small, sad part of him wishes it was the real Hikaru he was doing this with, but Yoshiki still wants it. He’ll take whatever parts of him he can have…
Hikaru brings his face down, hovering between Yoshiki’s parted thighs. The black-haired boy’s legs have started trembling: It feels so strange and wrong to have someone look at him down there, and he wants to close his legs, but he can feel Hikaru’s warm breath on his private parts. Yoshiki’s cock strains, needing an outlet for the building tension. Hikaru guides his friend to his mouth, opening up to slide his cock inside. The second that the hot, wet sensation wraps around Yoshiki’s shaft, he cries out the most pathetic noise.
“A-Ahhhhh ahhhhh… H-Hikaru…”
Hikaru lets out a soft breath with his mouth full, sending the warm air up Yoshiki’s groin. Yoshiki starts squirming in place, not knowing what to do. He feels like he’s going to explode. Yoshiki’s hand wraps gently into blond hair. He remembers the man getting sucked off in the video did that and it does help steady him as Hikaru starts experimentally moving his tongue.
“Ohhhh… unnnnnhh, God… It feels….” Yoshiki groans, trying his hardest not to move as his best friend tastes his cock. Hikaru’s hands go to Yoshiki’s hips, pressing him into the bed to still him. Hikaru starts taking him further in and Yoshiki’s toes curl hard.
“S-Stop, Hikaru!” He yells, pulling back hard on the blond hair. Hikaru slips off Yoshiki’s cock.
“W-What’s wrong?” The blond boy asks worriedly as he wipes some drool away from the corner of his mouth.
It takes a moment for Yoshiki to steady his breathing. If he hadn’t stopped Hikaru just now…
“I… I was gonna… y-you know.”
The blond boy chuckles, giving his friend a big, wolfish grin. “I didn’t know you were a one-pump chump, Yoshiki.” He says teasingly, pushing Yoshiki’s shoulder gently. Yoshiki smiles too, pushing Hikaru back.
“Shut up.” Yoshiki says, trying not to laugh. Yoshiki still feels embarrassed and scared that they’re doing something bad -and his dick is still sitting outside of his pants exposed- but the fact that Hikaru is acting like the same annoying goofball helps ease some of Yoshiki’s anxiety. It’s the Hikaru he knows… The one he wanted to do this with in the first place… Well, mostly.
The blond continues to laugh, but when it peters down the boys are left looking into each other’s eyes. Their gazes feel charged. Hikaru’s face drops into something serious. Something hungry. He’s looking at Yoshiki like he wants to devour him…
“You still wanna do this?” Hikaru asks.
Yoshiki nods slowly.
Hikaru responds by pulling Yoshiki’s trousers down, and the black-haired boy lifts his legs to help guide them off. Next, it’s his underwear that’s carefully discarded onto the floor.
Yoshiki lies on the bed, completely and entirely bare. He’s never been naked like this in front of anyone… not even Hikaru. Not at this age, at least. They used to sneak into the forest by Hikaru’s house to swim in the creek, but that was years ago, and they kept their underwear on... Now, sitting there laid out with his legs open, Hikaru can see his friend’s most intimate parts, without the illusion of clothes nearby to pull up. Hikaru swallows hard.
“You’re so hard, Yoshiki… Are… Are you like this because of me?” He whispers.
Yoshiki goes to close his legs, feeling very self-conscious, but Hikaru holds them open.
“I’m not making fun of you… Tell me.” Hikaru says, his face serious. Yoshiki feels some panic creeping up his throat. Despite what they’re doing, there’s still an illusion of innocence; The idea that they’re just exploring something together, not that the reason Yoshiki wanted to do this was because he’s…
Yoshiki pushes his friend away and covers himself with his hands.
“Don’t make this weird, Hikaru.” Yoshiki says. The blond boy scrunches his face up, looking a little taken aback, but he seems to recover quickly. The blond boy takes his friend’s hand silently and guides it down, between his legs. Yoshiki gasps when his fingers meet the stiff warmth of Hikaru’s hard-on. His mouth falls open, but Yoshiki doesn’t stop his friend as he guides his hand up and down, making him feel his arousal.
“I’m like this ‘cause of you, Yoshiki…” Hikaru whispers, his red pupils glowing in the low light. “My cock is hard because of you…”
Yoshiki moans at the words and the friction of his friend’s heat against his hand. His own cock pulses between his legs and he lets out another whiny sound.
“Answer me.” Hikaru says, reaching forward to stroke the black-haired boy’s cock.
“Y… Yes, Hikaru…” Yoshiki whimpers. “I… I’m like this ‘cause of you…”
Having his hand on Hikaru while being touched himself… it’s like the two are connected by their arousal. Yoshiki can feel it; Like a live wire shooting up his stomach. Two opposite currents running through them, meeting in the middle. “F-Fuck.”
Hikaru lets go of Yoshiki to hastily pull his pants and underwear down, before climbing back on top of him. Yoshiki looks down between Hikaru’s legs and has to tense his body to stop himself from coming.
Hikaru’s dick is hard, and redder than the rest of him. It’s about the same length or slightly shorter than Yoshiki’s but it’s thick and hard and there’s a vein that runs along the shaft; Pumping him full of blood. Hikaru’s got some wispy hair down there, a darker blond than the hair on his head. Yoshiki feels like he’s seeing something forbidden. Something in a million years he should never know of…
The blond boy spits into his hand then coats his own dick, slicking himself up. Yoshiki is about to ask what he’s doing but Hikaru is reaching for his cock before he can. Hikaru rests his free hand in Yoshiki’s hair, stroking it gently as he begins moving his other hand, jacking their wet cocks off together; Sliding the heated lengths against each other.
Hikaru’s mouth nearly made Yoshiki cum, his hand too. This new sensation is 1000x more overwhelming. Yoshiki can feel Hikaru’s warmth as he rubs them off in tandem and Yoshiki cries out, wrapping his hands around his friend’s back. Hikaru’s back is warm and sweaty. The blond boy’s eyes are glassy and unfocused as he tries to guide them together.
As Hikaru’s hand glides, pressing their hard pricks against each other wet and tight, Yoshiki feels it building in his gut. He feels the tightness starting right underneath his belly button, running up and down his body like an electric current. Yoshiki’s balls clench and he whines, barely aware that he’s begging for something.
“H-Hikaru… Hi… Hika…ru… please…” Yoshiki sounds so fucked out and desperate. So whiny and pathetic, but he can’t stop. Nothing has ever felt as intense, and him and Hikaru are experiencing it together, locked against each other as they chase that euphoria. Yoshiki blinks back into focus and he sees his friend’s eyes; Red pupils dilating and pulsing. Hikaru’s face is pulled back into a snarl. He looks determined, almost angry. Before Yoshiki can even process, his friend’s lips are back on his, pushing him into the bed. Claiming him like an animal forcing itself onto another. Yoshiki opens his mouth to feel Hikaru’s tongue slide inside when it happens.
His orgasm rip through his body, shooting out of him in tight bursts. Yoshiki bites down hard, turning what would be a grinding scream into a cut-off groan. His nails sink into his friend’s skin, and Yoshiki throws his head back, feeling himself lose control and spill all over the both of them.
Hikaru doesn’t stop jerking them off. He doesn’t seem deterred in the slightest by Yoshiki’s cum getting all over his hand and body.
It’s too much stimulation for his body. Yoshiki wants to squirm, he wants to cry out for his friend to stop but suddenly Hikaru is letting out a piercing sound; Something guttural, from deep in his chest and Yoshiki’s vision goes black.
There’s a flurry of colors and textures and a cool feeling; Like he’s flying through space at a million miles an hour. There’s a deep serenity, punctuated by feeling like his body is on fire. He can feel everything happening all at once. Yoshiki can’t see Hikaru. He can’t see anything with his eyes, but he can feel him.
It’s like he’s inside of him, orgasming with him. It’s like they’ve meshed together, and he can feel his body’s sensations. He can feel his lust, his ecstasy. Yoshiki can feel his lungs as they draw breath and fill, he can feel Hikaru’s toes curl and the wetness spurting out of him.
They’re both paralyzed for what feels like eons of time, but what must be, in reality, only a couple of seconds.
Yoshiki comes back to himself with a ragged gasp. He sucks in air greedily, catching a small glimpse of the colorful substance that’s inhabits Hikaru’s body slipping back inside of his eyes and mouth. Just for a moment.
Hikaru looks equally as messed up. Sweat is dribbling down his forehead making his hair stick to it. His cheeks are red, his mouth is lolled open, trying to catch his breath. The two boys are lying one on top of the other, completely naked and sweating from the effort.
The high from the orgasm doesn’t last long and Yoshiki starts pushing Hikaru off forcefully.
“What’s wrong?” The blond boy asks as Yoshiki shoves him unceremoniously off, but the black-haired boy shoots out of bed awkwardly, because he’s covered in both of their spend, and rushes out of Hikaru’s room. Hikaru follows suit carefully, to not dirty his bed, and runs after his friend, confused and worried.
“Y-Yoshiki?” The blond boy yells down the hall. Yoshiki doesn’t respond, he throws himself into the bathroom and slams the door tight behind him.
Hikaru knocks on the door hurriedly, a burning feeling in his gut.
“Yoshiki, what’s wrong?” He says pressed up against the door. “Did I do something?”
Yoshiki doesn’t answer him.
Hikaru stays pressed up against the door for a while, trying to listen. All he can hear is the sound of uneven breaths and small, garbled cries that he can tell Yoshiki is trying to swallow down. His friend is crying, and it must be his fault. Hikaru continues to knock at the door, trying to get Yoshiki to open up and talk to him but eventually the black-haired boy answers, crying out, “Go away!”
So, Hikaru does.
He walks back to his room with a pounding sensation in his head. He’s still completely bared, his and Yoshiki’s cum drying on his abdomen and legs. Hikaru wipes himself off with a towel, unsure of what happened. Unsure what went wrong when it was all going so right.
Does Yoshiki hate him? Did he do something wrong? Did he hurt his best friend somehow?
Hikaru crawls onto his bed, curling into himself. Was this his fault? Of course it was, he screams at himself in his head. It was Hikaru’s idea. Hikaru had pressured his friend into this, and now Yoshiki’s sobbing in the bathroom. Oh God, what if he did hurt him? Hikaru would never forgive himself if his friend is upset because of him.
Hikaru can’t stop the rush of tears that spill down his cheeks or the embarrassing noises he makes.
He’s an idiot. He can’t do anything right. Why doesn’t he know how to do anything? Why does he inhabit this body and mind, but not have a clue how to use it? Everything feels brand new again. He’s seen the memories of this body, but they’re not his. It’s like he was watching the TV, but now he’s actually here: In it, experiencing everything for the first time and everything feels too much.
Everything hurts.
Why does he keep hurting the one person he cares the most about?
…
Yoshiki comes back to Hikaru’s room over an hour later. The blond boy immediately sits up to see what’s wrong, but Yoshiki won’t look at him. He’s wrapped a towel around his hips, covering himself up. The black-haired boy combs the floor silently for his clothes and turns around to put them back on. Yoshiki’s face is red, his eyes watery.
“Yoshiki…” Hikaru whines, hating this feeling inside of him, like he’s dying.
“I’m fine.” The black-haired boy murmurs. He finds Hikaru’s clothes on the ground and tosses them at him. Hikaru feels more tears coming.
“You said you wanted to, Shiki.” Hikaru cries, trying to keep the ugly things inside. He’s trying so hard to not let it all slip out.
“I know.” Yoshiki mutters, finally turning towards his friend. He looks embarrassed, ashamed, upset; So many things blurred into one that Hikaru can’t decipher. He doesn’t understand. Yoshiki said he wanted it… He could feel what Yoshiki was feeling when it happened. He knows how good it felt.
“It’s my fault.” Yoshiki says, finally looking up into Hikaru’s eyes.