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"Goodbye… Takumi… Fighting with you… It was… The only fun I ever had in my whole life."
If there was a moment where he allowed himself to be completely honest with Takumi, it would be now, with his final words, Eito thought as the pain of his neck became less and less excruciating. He couldn’t see anymore, and his arms felt too heavy to hold his scythe any longer. Blood kept flowing, spreading over his class armor. He felt numb.
His death was approaching. Good.
He wouldn't have to see the SDU members holding hands in the cringiest display of friendship ever again, he wouldn't have to keep looking at those horrendous monsters, and...
He wouldn't have to suffer the sight of Takumi confessing to Nozomi, face red and earnest smile, trying not to giggle while everyone laughed and bantered about it instead of going through the worst kind of despair.
God, they were so utterly disgusting.
He would die at any moment now, just a few more seconds and he would be free from the shame and pain and jealousy driving him mad, and yet, the last sound Eito heard froze the blood running through his veins:
The undistinguishable sound of the corpse recovery drone.
Oh.
Oh no.
Sirei had deleted his DNA from the revive-o-matic on his second night at the academy, but he must have added him again when he thought he had been successfully brainwashed.
Eito coughed blood, mortified.
...He just killed himself in front of everyone. He just told Takumi that he had fun.
Oh god. That was so-
"D-Damn-"
And with that eloquent last word, Eito Aotsuki died and was eventually revived.
He woke up in his cage.
He blinked twice, stared at the ceiling, and when the memories flooded back in waves, he proceeded to scream internally for a while. Maybe it was a minute, maybe it was an hour. It’s not like there was a clock in the courtyard to check.
‘I refuse to live surrounded by monsters like you…’
Or so he had said, but there he was, back inside the familiar, illegally voyeuristic cage. He sat up and held his head in his hands, bracing for an inevitable headache. He couldn’t believe he failed at the very last moment, after absorbing V’ehxness cryptoglobin no less. He had been so close to taste victory, to give Takumi the punishment he so richly deserved after everything he had done.
How did he manage to lose? How did he even fail to die?
Eito bit his lip. At least he somewhat managed to accomplish his goal of whipping out humanity, in a way. With FB gone, the missiles weren’t an option anymore, which meant that when day 100 came, nothing would happen. The invaders would continue to live on this planet, while humanity would be left to rot in the artificial satellite until they went extinct.
He had accomplished his life’s purpose, his sacred duty, so why did he feel so angry? So empty?
"Jeez, you finally woke up. It's been a whole week!" A grating voice interrupted his thoughts.
It was Gaku, of all people.
Eito sat up and shrugged his shoulders, offering the visitor a cheerful smile. "Our battle must have tired me, or maybe it was the long exposure to your ugly faces," he said in a light tone. "What are you doing here?"
Back then, before his ‘brainwash’, Shouma was the one in charge of bringing him food, but he had died along with Eva, Sirei and Nigou. Gaku becoming his replacement was unexpected and annoying, but at least it wasn't...
Anyway.
Gaku wasn't happy to see him either as he placed a tray of food between the steel cell bars. "I still can't believe you pretended to be brainwashed all those days! Takumi was right, you are the worst kind of traitor, but someone has to feed you and... and I guess I'm too nice!"
Despite the rudeness, Gaku lacked his usual bite. Could it be that seeing Eito off himself made him pity him? Eito would cut him in half with his scythe if that was the case.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it," Eito stared at the food with disgust. "You know, the love and peace of it all."
Gaku rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Whatever, being here is better than staying one more second in the cafeteria. Everything has been so tense since Takumi and Nozomi broke up."
Now, that made Eito perk up, and maybe even appreciate Gaku's repulsive presence.
"They broke up? After a week?"
The best -and only good thing, really- about Gaku Maruko was that he didn't know when to shut up, an annoying trait that he totally didn't share with Eito. No, his monologues were deep and thought provoking, while Gaku's incessant chatter was empty trash with no substance.
Except now, of course.
"What happened?" Eito asked, not bothering to use any sort of manipulative tactic because it was just that easy to get Gaku to spill ‘all the drama you missed, it was insane!'
Apparently, on their second day of being an official couple, Kurara had tripped and lost her mask, which made her cry and confess to Nozomi that she loved her and wanted her to break up with Takumi. Nozomi had looked troubled at first, but then Takumi said some monumental bullshit and, long story short, Nozomi finally chose Kurara, leaving a very confused Takumi behind.
"I never thought I would witness yuri in real life, dude!" exclaimed Gaku, weirdly excited. "But it’s better like this, it was annoying to see Takumi and Nozomi together, how does he dare to date a girl when he knows all of us are struggling out there!?"
As Gaku kept yapping, Eito couldn't help but feel a smile creep onto his face. So Takumi and Nozomi broke up, huh.
That meant Takumi must be a suffering mess right now, heart broken and soul crushed as he holed up in his room like the critter he was. That made him happy, Takumi deserved to suffer after what he had done to him.
(His giddiness had nothing to do with the fact he broke up with Nozomi, Eito told himself.)
"Honestly I can't believe Takumi fumbled this badly, it's almost as if he wanted it to go wrong." That sentence brought Eito back to the conversation.
"What do you mean?"
"Ugh. It's just. After the hype of defeating you wore off, Takumi started acting weird, like, Nozomi was right there, but he kind of ignored her? Or maybe he just had something else on his mind."
“...”
"I don't know! I just overheard Kurara talk about how he was a lame pussy because he didn't even try to chase after Nozomi, he just let Kurara have her, as if he realized he didn't like her that much, or in that way."
After that, Gaku kept complaining about how he couldn't pull girls because he was poor and that he wouldn't be able to get Kurara as his sugar mommy anymore, as if he ever had a chance. The conversation reminded Eito of their sleepover night. He listened half-heartedly until Gaku finally left the courtyard with his empty tray of food.
Eito took a deep breath, glad to finally be able to smell something that wasn't putrid spoiled milk, and sat on his bed, taking in the new information with a compromised hum.
The news of the couple's break up gave him a momentary pleasure. He couldn't deny the schadenfreude he felt at Takumi's misery, but then, why did Gaku make it sound as if Takumi brought that on himself?
Now, more than ever, Eito was dying to know what was on Takumi's mind.
***
Thankfully, he didn't have to wait too long to see the face of the man who ruined his plans twice. Takumi finally visited his cage, and it only took him mere a week.
He looked... disgusting, really, but that wasn't anything new. Under all that puss, protuberous eyes and red, rotten flesh, Eito saw anger, but not the type of hot, boiling anger he showed during their battle. This one was subdued, unsure. As if Takumi tried to be angry at him but couldn't quite get there.
Eito's fists clenched. If anyone deserved to be angry, that was him.
"I heard you broke up with Nozomi, I’m so sorry for your loss,” he broke the ice with fake concern once Takumi stood in front of the cage. “Do you want me to lend my shoulder so you can cry your heart out? Or perhaps you want advice on how to get her back? I have some ideas.”
That seemed to throw off Takumi just fine. "H-How do you-?" One, two, three... "Gaku." Bingo.
"You know what they say; gossip may entertain for a moment, but its damage lasts forever," Eito winked.
Takumi let out an annoyed groan and looked away. "I didn't come here to talk about Nozomi."
Eito crossed his arms dramatically. "Oh, but I want to talk about it! You must be so disappointed with her. The kind, sweet girl wasn't as perfect as you expected in the end!"
"Eito."
"Maybe you should brainwash her so she can love you the way you want!"
"Enough! Shut up!" Takumi yelled as he gripped the cage's bars with force, making a rattling sound that broke the peace of the courtyard.
In any other situation, Eito would have felt a sick jolt of satisfaction at getting under Takumi's skin so easily, but he was too angry for that.
"What? Have I said anything wrong? Isn't that something you would do?" He snarled. His chest felt tight as he took a step forward, getting as close to Takumi as his cage allowed.
'I'm so glad we cured you, I felt bad for the way you were'
"You brainwashed me," Eito said, and then, again: "Takumi, you brainwashed me."
He said it twice, because it was that severe, that appalling. He didn’t bother to mention it during their fight, but now that he had nowhere else to go, he was going to confront Takumi about it. He was going to make him see how sick he was, because the irrefutable truth was that Takumi had tried to brainwash him. He had tried to mess with Eito's brain and then got upset when his little charity project wasn't as well-behaved as he had anticipated. How messed up could someone be?
And then they called Eito evil when they had a sociopath as their leader!
"Could it be that you came here to take me to the infirmary again?" Eito ventured, feeling sick. "Hoping that you don't lose the 50/50 this time?"
"Can you fault me?!" The little ogre snapped back, and the self-righteous tone in his screeching voice made Eito's blood run cold. "You despised us, Eito! You looked so miserable.”
“And that gives you the right to mess with my brain? To play pretend with me?”
Takumi shut his eyes. Clearly, any mental preparation he had previously done to get ready for this conversation wasn’t enough. Eito wouldn’t let him off the hook like his friends did.
“You wanted to kill us,” Takumi tried, as he regained a bit of conviction. “You already told me you weren’t going to change, so how else was I supposed to-”
“To what?” Eito cut. “To make me become one of humanity’s soldiers?”
“No! I- I might have done it to improve our fighting ability at first, but I really wanted you to be happy, Eito, I wanted you to be my f-"
Eito threw up.
It came out of nowhere. He was usually better at dealing with it, at holding it in until he was alone in his room and there was nobody around, but something about Takumi's raw words made him lose control. It surprised him as much as it surprised Takumi, who took a step back in shock.
"E-Eito?!"
Eito flinched at the voice as he crouched on the floor and emptied the contents of his stomach. Fuck, maybe Gaku’s cooking was that bad, even if it made no sense since he took care of his family. He didn’t want to think about the other possibility. His throat was burning, tears pricked in the corners of his eyes as he tried to be quiet, but he couldn’t help but let out pathetic wheezing sounds and dry heave.
Takumi must be staring, it made everything worse.
As he retched, he felt a hand hover over his shoulder.
"Don't touch me, monster!" Eito yelled.
The hand hesitantly retreated, returning to its place behind the bars as a tense silence filled the courtyard, only broken by Eito's small whimpers and coughs. His glasses had slipped from his nose, landing on the puke and getting all messed up.
Great. Just great.
He was tired. He was so, so tired.
"Eito," Takumi whispered, crouching to his level. "Are you okay?"
His voice was low, soft, as if he knew the negative effect it had on Eito and tried to mitigate it as much as possible. How stupid could this boy be?
"I'm doing wonderfully, as you can see."
If only he had puked over Takumi, that would have gotten him to leave him the hell alone, or at least made him as miserable as Eito felt right now.
There were a few more seconds of silence, until Takumi stood up and actually left. Eito didn't look up, without his glasses as a barrier, his ugly appearance would make him want to puke again. With a ragged, shaky breath, he took that moment to clean the sweat of his forehead with the back of his sleeve.
Strangely, Takumi came back not long after. Even more strangely, he entered his cage.
"W-What?" Eito was about to stand up when a mop entered his vision.
So that's why Takumi had left. He went to get a mop.
A bizarre, tense moment stretched where Takumi cleaned while Eito stared at the floor and did nothing. Takumi was inside his cage. He closed the door behind him, but he had put the key in his jacket’s pocket… For a second, Eito considered killing Takumi and leaving, but he knew he wouldn't get far. It was in the middle of the day, the others would definitely see him and apprehend him. Again.
Plus, something about the situation left him paralyzed in place, pinned on the floor.
No one dared to speak until Takumi picked up his glasses and started cleaning them too.
"Your filthy hands will make them dirtier," Eito commented, avoiding looking at the putrid tentacles holding the frames that were supposed to go on his face.
"Just tell me one thing," Takumi asked, his voice strangely tight and… afraid? His eyes were downcast, stubbornly glued on his glasses. "Did you mean any of it? Your laugh at the beach, your smile as we watched the fireworks… I mean, besides our battle, did you at least enjoy-"
"No."
Harsh, to the point, a clean cut meant to sever any kind of hope Takumi might still cling to.
"I see," Takumi whispered. "I see."
Eito heard a sniff.
"I'm- I'm sorry. I swear I only wanted you to have fun with us... with me. I-"
Takumi's voice wavered, like the unsteady, tumultuous waves of a stormy sea. It made Eito forget about everything and raise his head to look at his face: Takumi was crying. Ugly, silent tears ran down his face, falling like the rain Eito had never seen and only read about in books.
"I'm sorry," Takumi repeated, hands shaking. "I knew it was wrong. I felt guilty for putting you through that at first, for changing you-”
Eito ignored the lump on his throat. He wouldn’t allow himself to feel bad for Takumi. He wouldn’t. "Then why did you do it?"
"Because I missed him.”
Eito blinked, confused.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Takumi didn’t reply. It took Eito a couple of seconds to realize Takumi must be talking about the Eito of his timeline, the one who managed to fool all of the SDU until the very last moment, until the mission was a failure and there was nothing they could do to savage it. An Eito who was a nice, helpful and trusting ally and friend for almost a hundred days. A lie.
So that's what this was. Takumi cared about that Eito, didn't he? He did all of this to get him back, to get a ghost back.
"He never existed, Takumi, and he never will,” his voice was sharp, final. A wake up call.
The expression Takumi made could only be described as defeated. Heartbroken, pained, sorrowful. Eito darkly wondered if he looked this upset when Nozomi broke up with him. A hopeful part of him doubted it.
“I know,” Takumi stifled between clenched teeth, still struggling to accept it.
"You said you were glad you cured me, but I will never be cured, because there’s nothing wrong with me.” Eito continued. “As long as I have these righteous eyes, I will never stop hating humanity, I will never stop hating you. My eyes- The way you look- It's all of you who don't understand. The Eito you knew was a facade.”
"I know that now! You- You killed yourself in front of me, Eito, that's how much you hated it, right?" Takumi took a sharp breath, as if he had been the one to get his neck slashed and not Eito. "You would rather die than be with me."
There was so much hurt in his voice, so much selfishness and despair and pain, as if he finally realized how hated he was, and what could Eito say to that? It was the truth. He would rather die than be with Takumi, that was an immutable fact.
If it was that simple, why did it make his stomach churn and his chest hurt?
Why did it have to be that way…?
Slowly, carefully, Takumi placed Eito's clean -dirty, so dirty- glasses over his nose and offered a sorrowful smile.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't save you, Eito."
He was giving up on him.
Eito got what he wanted, he should be celebrating, yet those words made him dizzy, made the corners of his eyes blur out with red and black and void. Why? He didn't want to be saved. (He wished he could form any sort of meaningful connection) He didn't need anyone (He wished he could have enjoyed the fireworks with everyone) He despised humanity. (He wished he could have died instead of living in this hell that only brought him pain and pain and pain and pa-
"I hate you," Eito breathed out, voice unusually tight. "I hate you so much."
For trying to brainwash him, for loving and caring for an Eito that wasn't the real him. For looking so happy and relieved at the thought of Eito experiencing happiness for the first time in his life.
Ugh. His glasses were so dirty and wet and slimy on his face, that pest could have at least cleaned off his pathetic tears.
It took a while for Eito to realize those weren't Takumi's tears.
"Eito-?”
Eito’s breath hitched. For some ungodly reason, he was crying too.
“I…” he started, attempting to explain himself, but only a broken sob came out.
If killing himself in front of the entire SDU wasn't a clear sign that something was deeply wrong with him, this would surely do.
Alarmed, Takumi quickly came into view and brushed away his tears with the hem of his jacket. His good intentions only made everything worse as Eito was forced to look at his unsightly, repulsive and disturbing face as more confused tears spilled.
Still, he didn’t push Takumi away. He didn’t complain about the unbearable stench or the putrid texture of the fingers brushing against his cheeks. Somewhere deep inside, maybe Eito needed this. Maybe he yearned for this, for someone to comfort him.
If only he could enjoy it.
Why did it have to be like this?
"I hate you," Eito repeated, words losing their meaning, as more tears fell down the corners of his eyes.
After that afternoon, Eito only saw Takumi the few times he visited to bring him books or other gifts so he could entertain himself in his confinement, but they didn’t speak another word.
During his time in solitude, Eito remembered something Takumi had asked him a while ago, right after he was put in the cage. It was something about the real truth behind the war. Apparently, the other Eito said he knew about it, hinting that there was more to it than what Sirei or Nigou told them.
Unfortunately, he knew nothing. His other self must have ascertained the truth when he was free to roam outside. Back then, Eito’s main objective had consisted of finding a way to break out of the cage so he could learn that truth. Of course, that plan was put on the backburner the moment Takumi decided to use the Dolmenic Cognitive Reconstruction Therapy on him, and thus Eito forgot about it.
Who could have thought the absence of Sirei and V’ehxness would bring the truth to them in the most unexpected way.
Eito remained in his cage for the next couple of weeks. Besides Takumi’s short, clumsy visits, Gaku was the only other member who brought him meals three times a day, always accompanied with a torturous amount of complaints.
Eito could do without the small talk, but he appreciated the bits of information he easily extracted from him:
Without any commander left to fight and no way to save humanity, the SDU members had found themselves exploring the exterior, hoping to find a way to return to the satellite before day 100 so they could reunite with their families and loved ones. That’s how they met an invader called Kamyuhn.
She thanked them for defeating V’ehxness, then pointed out angrily that she wasn’t an invader, she was a native of Futurum, the planet they were currently on.
Everything went downhill from there.
“So this was never Earth, humans were the invaders all along,” Eito hummed, taking in everything Gaku told him. He couldn't help but let out a dry laugh. “Why doesn’t it surprise me?”
That would explain why Gaku had looked so depressed and lost that morning. They never lived on Earth! They had unknowingly fought a war of conquest so the remaining humans could eradicate the aliens and live there. They were the villains in the story, as humans always were.
Eito smiled widely, feeling extremely vindicated. Then, things got more interesting when Yugamu came to the courtyard and opened his cage in front of a freaked out Gaku.
“Dude, have you hit your head?! why are you freeing him?!”
Eito had no idea either. “Maybe he reconsidered his stance on humanity after the recent developments and wants to join my noble cause?”
“What’s your noble cause?” Asked Gaku, scared.
“Finding a way to fire a missile to the artificial satellite and get rid of the remaining humans. Wouldn’t that be poetic justice?”
“Hell no!”
“It’s not that,” Yugamu interrupted their banter. He seemed tense, deep in thought. “I let Eito out because I need to tell you all something, and I think Eito should be there to hear it as well.” He threw him a warning glare. “As long as you behave, of course.”
“I only want love and peace,” Eito promised.
Whatever Yugamu wanted to tell them couldn’t be that mind-blowing, Eito thought.
As it turns out, he was wrong.
If the first truth had been music to his ears, the second truth felt like a thousand humans screaming next to his ear, making it bleed and leaving him deaf. Shocked. Numb.
Yugamu had found highly confidential documents pertaining to Sirei that revealed the whole truth behind their mission and… their true origins: They were clones created and raised in a lab, fed with fake memories so they would fight for humanity, disposable weapons made to kill Futurans.
The more Yugamu spoke, the more tears welled up in the SDU members’ eyes, as they slowly came to terms with the fact that they were nothing.
As much as he would love to deny it, the truth also hit Eito like a nuke. Maybe even more so than the rest of them. His righteous eyes were not a gift, but a glitch, a defect. A voluntary or involuntary failure in a machine that was meant to feed him fake memories to make him want to protect humanity.
His suffering hadn’t served a bigger purpose. His so-called sacred duty was something he made up. His hate wasn’t real. All the pain he felt all of his life came from a mistake. A stupid error in his programming.
‘I’m not insane. I can see the ugliness of humanity for what it really is.’
Everything he had told himself as a child came back to him to haunt him, to mock and torture him relentlessly. Now, more than ever, he wished he had died after Takumi’s fight.
Out of it, Eito observed everyone mourning the lives they thought they had as if they were something precious, and didn’t say anything when he was escorted back to his cage by an equally dazed Yugamu.
He remembered Takumi’s pale face when he found out Karua wasn’t real, and thought to himself that Takumi should already be used to losing people that didn’t exist. Then, he realized that Takumi had never been a monster, it was just him who saw him like that…
Eito decided to stop thinking altogether.
***
It wasn’t until several days later that Takumi visited his cage again. He looked as nasty and vile as always, but Eito knew better now. Knew that was not his true form. The monster in front of him was not real, Takumi was a normal human, just like Eito.
“Good morning, Takumi!” Eito cheerfully said, choosing to look away. Lately, he had come to loathe his eyes. He couldn’t trust them anymore. “I thought you would look more miserable, given the news.”
“Don’t worry, I do feel miserable,” Takumi replied with a tired sigh. “But… Nozomi told me something that made me feel better.” A disgusting, sheepish smile showed on his face.
Well, now Eito certainly felt worse. “Good to know the unbearable truth brought you two back together, although I’ve read that relationships built on trauma are problematic because they often stem from unhealthy power dynamics, foster fear and mistrust, and hinder emotional intimacy and self-worth.”
“We are just friends.”
“Oh.”
Takumi sighed again and scratched the back of his head, then opened his mouth and closed it. He was the living picture of hesitation. “How are you doing?”
It had gotten harder for Eito to fake a smile, but for Takumi, he would make that effort. “I’m doing perfectly. Why? Is there a reason I shouldn’t be?”
“Eito.”
“Takumi.”
“I’m being serious.”
“And so am I. The truth proved what I always knew, that humans are scum and shouldn’t exist. If I was immature I would scream ‘I told you so’.”
“...You are not even mature,” Takumi mumbled under his breath. Jerk. “But that’s not what I was asking. How are you really feeling, Eito?”
Awful. Angry. Suicidal. So lonely it left him waking up and gasping for air in the middle of night.
“Since when do you care about my real feelings? I thought we already established that you are a sociopath who attempted to brainwash me into a version of me that was acceptable for your standards.”
That got Takumi to shut up, but it only gave Eito a fleeting moment of joy until a vast, familiar emptiness returned. He… had to admit he liked the idea of Takumi worrying over him, because… that’s what this was, right? Takumi must be worried about how the truth affected him.
That simple thought brought him equal amounts of longing and fear. Of desire and rejection.
A hidden, forgotten part of him wanted this. He yearned for connection, for anyone to lend him a hand and take him out of this living hell. For Takumi to reach out and seek the real him, and not a false memory from a different timeline.
He wanted to want this.
He wanted to tell Takumi how he truly felt, to be heard and understood and comforted, to be-
“I’m sorry, I forgot you still see me as a monster even if you know the truth,” Takumi muttered, upset with himself for not realizing, or maybe upset at Eito for being the way he is.
Eito felt a dull ache on his chest as he saw his only chance at connection slipping through his fingers like sand, but instead of chasing after it, he doubled down. “Of course you forgot, empathy isn’t your forte.”
He pushed Takumi away with a dishonest smile, as he always did.
He hadn’t cared about being alone back then, or pretended he didn’t. His loneliness had a purpose, a goal. His suffering was for the greater good, but now… He had nothing. No one. Just him against a world filled with monsters, and even if he knew they weren’t real, nothing would change. Nothing would-
Takumi opened his cell.
Taken off guard, Eito took a step back. “W-What are you doing?”
Takumi ignored his question. “...I actually came because I wanted to show you something. Follow me.” He began walking away from the courtyard, not bothering to look behind, not scared at the possibility of Eito attacking him.
In Takumi’s favor, it didn’t even cross Eito’s mind. He followed Takumi outside in silence.
Fireworks.
They were throwing fireworks again, this time for Kamhyun.
Eito expected glances full of resentment and shock at seeing him there, but the rest mostly ignored him, opting to make sure Kamhyun was having a good time. Takumi probably already warned them about it. Nozomi and Kurara were there, holding hands, so at least that confirmed Takumi was telling the truth when he said he didn’t get back with Nozomi.
Not like he cared.
As they moved to a quiet corner, he overheard some bits and pieces of conversations that let him know this was a small celebration to welcome Kamhyun to the ‘team’. He also learned that they planned on helping her unite Futurum and stop the war once and for all.
So that had been their choice. They were moving forward after all.
Honestly, it shocked Eito to see them smile and laugh after learning the truth. They picked themselves up so fast, so steadily. Meanwhile, he had been contemplating revenge and death in his cage.
A feeling of unfairiness and jealousy overtook him, his heart beating harder and louder than any colorful firework blooming in the night sky.
“Karua was never real… but that’s not exactly right, either,” Takumi suddenly said, standing next to him, voice low enough so only Eito could hear it.
“...What do you mean?”
“It’s a long story, but Nozomi actually visited me when we were sleeping in those pods in Kamakura Hospital. She spoke to me when I was unconscious and, I guess her words reached me and I subconsciously based Karua on her so, in a way, there was some truth in Karua.”
Eito hummed, thoughtful. So that’s why Takumi hadn’t fallen into despair. He hadn’t completely lost Karua. His memories remained almost intact. Sweet. Fake, but with a tint of reality.
Meanwhile, his own memories…
“I think you are the same, Eito,” Takumi continued.
“...What?”
“The Eito I met back then, I refuse to believe he was a complete lie. There must have been some truth in it, in you, just like how there must have been some truth in your laughter at the beach, or behind the spark in your eyes when we watched the fireworks together.”
Eito pressed his lips into a thin line. “I don’t-”
“‘As long as I have these righteous eyes, I will never stop hating humanity, I will never stop hating you.’ That’s what you told me,” Takumi recalled, eyes sharp and determined. “Now you know the truth. We are not monsters, Eito.”
It was cruel to hear Takumi say that while he looked like a monster, sounded like a monster, and smelled like a monster.
“The glitch is still deeply embedded in my brain. That changes nothing,” he replied harshly, dejectedly, throat tight, hands balled into fists. “I will never be cu-”
He quickly shut up.
Cured, he almost said cured.
Takumi’s words rang in his ears.
‘I’m glad we cured you. I felt bad for the way you were. All that hate and anger was because of the disorder you had, right? You must have been unhappy being controlled by it, unable to have your own free will.’
That was the first time anything Takumi said truly hurt him. Heartless and naive, discriminating and well-intended, that was Takumi for you. Eito had thought he was extremely self-righteous back then, he still thought so, but now…
He really had been controlled by all that hate, hadn’t he?
“I disagree,” Takumi said, turning towards him with a deep frown, blue and red eyes as intense as fire and water. “I can tell you have changed.”
Eito laughed, but it came out choked. “Changed? Weren’t my insults ruthless enough? I promise I can do better, Takumi. I still hate you from the bottom of my heart.”
“I… don’t believe that,” Takumi shook his head, stubborn. “You always tell me you can read me like a book, but it goes both ways.” He held his hand, and spoke when a particularly big firework exploded in the sky, deafening everything but his words: “You should see yourself, Eito. You look very sad.”
…
……
ah.
Eito blinked twice, held his breath and turned his face away from Takumi’s piercing gaze. He stared pointedly at the sky, unmoving. His hand remained still in Takumi’s grasp.
“Sorry, the fireworks were too loud. Couldn’t hear you,” he said in a small voice.
Takumi jumped, offended. “N-No way! S-Seriously?” he scrambled a little, which was amusing considering how determined and intense he sounded moments ago. “I was saying that-”
He suddenly halted, words lost and unsaid as if he saw something he wasn’t supposed to. Eito remained dead silent as he kept looking at the sky. He made it a point to make sure Takumi wouldn’t see his face, but he couldn’t control the shake of his shoulders, the tremors of his hand.
The fireworks looked slightly blurred. Patches of shapeless colors adorning the sky. It wasn’t only because of his glasses’ wrong prescription.
He felt something slimy squeeze his hand. Not something, it was… Takumi. The texture gave him chills. It was wrong, it felt wrong and weird and unwelcome and scary. He continued holding Takumi’s hand anyways.
“They are beautiful,” Takumi commented, looking at the fireworks. Eito was pretty sure he had said the same thing back then. He didn’t remember if he meant it.
He brushed away the tears and nodded, pushing away the lump on his throat. “Yeah… I guess they aren’t that ugly.”
Takumi warmly squeezed his hand again and it sent shivers down his spine, making his stomach flutter in a way Eito couldn’t tell if it were butterflies or nausea. Maybe it was a bit of both.
Maybe… he could learn to live with it. With beautiful butterflies and ugly nausea.