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There are callouses on the palm of their hand, and dirt under their nails. Jay knows what that’s from; they’ve spent long enough digging and placing and growing to build their graveyard, but when they close their eyes it’s the weight of a sword, not a pickaxe, that they feel. When they glance at their hands, for just a moment, the brown of the dirt looks like the dried blood they had spent a precious half hour scrubbing off in the river.
As certain as death, huh.
Harv has left too, now, less violently than her dear husband, an easy goodbye and a promise to see each other next time, but she’s no less lonely for it. The graveyard is as done as it’s going to get, and Jay sits on the little deepslate ledge on the cliff, overhang protecting her from the drizzle the dreary sky has decided to bestow upon her. She allows herself to feel proud of her work for a moment; the graveyard is beautiful. It’s mossy and lush, and the ornamented lights dotted around the mountainside make the landscape glow.
Jay sits there, for a while. He focuses on the feel of wind brushing through his hair, on the sounds of water dripping from the overhang, on the gentle pink of the cherry blossom petals drifting to the ground. He focuses on the ache of his muscles from hours of hard work. He tries not to let the ache of missing Van be all consuming. He doesn’t succeed.
She sees Blue coming, rather than hearing them. They’ve always had quiet footsteps, but she catches movement out of the corner of her eye and turns to watch them come up the stairs to her. When her path has crossed Blue’s before, they’ve almost always been smiling. An enigmatic smile, one that could mean anything at all, but a smile nonetheless. They’re not smiling now.
They sit next to Jay wordlessly, wringing water from their hair as they get comfortable. Jay watches as they close their eyes and lean back against the stone wall.
“Had fun with the puzzles?” Jay asks, to break the silence. He’d been too busy with his own project to help much with Birmingham, but he’d been aware of it, at least.
“Hmm. It was more for Arch than for me.” Blue responds, which Jay notes isn’t really an answer. He doesn’t push it.
They both sit in silence for a while. Blue is so still Jay almost thinks they sat down and died right there. Their chest doesn’t rise and fall, but it’s never needed to. Jay can’t help but fidget, sitting down on the hard rock.
“Why,” Jay asks, after a while, “are you here?” They suspect the answer, they’ve been paying some attention to the notifications on their communicator, but they ask regardless.
“You couldn’t say no to him.” Blue replies, after a moment. They crack open their eyes, but don’t turn to look at Jay. Jay pulls his legs up, tucks them under his chin. It’s obvious who Blue means.
“‘Course not. And - it made sense. He was my first kill, he’ll be my last too.” It’s true. It was - fitting. Narratively satisfying. It sounds a whole lot like a desperate excuse when he says it, though.
“I couldn’t say no to - Jest, either. Even though I wish I could have. But you understand that, don’t you?” Jay doesn’t feel the need to respond to a question with such an obvious answer.
Jay does wonder, briefly, vindictively, if they should blame Blue for the situation they’re in. After all, would Van have asked them to ban him if Jest hadn’t gotten Blue to ban them first? But Jay quickly dismisses the thought. The end of the world is no time for grudges. Blue couldn’t say no anymore than Jay could. Jest is gone, and so is Van. That’s all there is to it.
“I wish… I wish they had chosen to live. It’s okay to choose to live.” Blue added bitterly, speaking to themselves more than to Jay. Their next question they do address to Jay, tilting their head to meet her eye. “What will you choose?” Their tone is almost imploring, but Jay’s not sure she can give the answer Blue wants to hear.
“There’s no one on the server left I’d want to ban me. Not with Harv gone.”
“But?” Blue prompts, ever perceptive.
“But… I want to get as close to my home as possible.”
“Your - ah.”
Jay might not have been a part of Atlahua for a while, but that base was still his first home on the server, it was and is important to him, and he’s never going to see it again. At least not - while the season was ongoing. And that’s what counted. So he’d decided, while washing his hands clean of Van’s blood, that that’s how he was going to leave. He’d never see the base again, but he could let what took it take him too.
“What about you?” Jay asks.
“I’m going to leave. My own way. I’ll live, but we still have to move on.” Jay shuffles over to Blue, touches their shoulders together. They turn to face away from him, but don’t lean away from the touch. “It’s okay to live.” They repeat, mournfully.
“I understand it, a little bit. It’s a way to ensure your last moments are spent with somebody you love.”
“But what about the ones left behind?”
“They… just trusted us enough to leave us with one last selfish act, I suppose.” Jay swallows thickly.
“Maybe we should betray more, if this is what being trusted gets us.” Blue jokes. They try to keep their voice light, but it cracks at the end of the sentence. Jay can feel their shoulders start to shake and it tips her over the edge too, tears welling up in her eyes.
“This pain is part of love. That’s what love is.” Jay pauses. “Simply by being in our lives, they have added indelibly to its weight.”
Blue actually lets out a snort at his reference, a small smile spreading across their face. Jay manages a watery smile back.
“Life is too short, and love is too long.” Blue answers, and their expression turns solemn once more. “Thank you for talking with me. And - your graveyard is beautiful, by the way.”
“I’ll see you next time, Blue.” Jay tries to offer up one more sad smile in goodbye. Blue doesn’t return it, simply takes their hand and gently places a kiss on the back of it.
“Until next time, Jay.” And they turn back down the stairs, footsteps quiet as ever.
Jay doesn’t linger in watching them. They have a home to give one last visit, after all.