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Day 7: Humphrey/Martha/Esther "Valentine's Day fic"
"So what would you suggest for me if I said I'm dating two women and I need to plan Valentine's Day for both of them," Humphrey suddenly asks the shopkeeper
From two aisles over, Esther facepalms before muttering to herself, "She's going to think you're having an affair, and I really don't like how that makes me the other woman in this situation." Then again, Mrs. Belinda Avery doesn't really seem like the type of person who would really applaud consensual polyamory either. She spends most of her time complaining about how young girls with short skirts are of loose moral character. Worse yet for this situation though is that she happens to be in a book club with Anne Lloyd so there's about to be another awkward conversation in the future of her poor partners.
As if on cue, Belinda asks, "You're cheating on Martha?" in an anguished tone.
"What? No…I'd never do that. Why would you think I'd do that?" Humphrey's own tone sounds even more anguished and Esther feels it's time to step in and grabs a random item off the shelf as she does so. It happens to be an extra large jar of peanut butter.
"I've found the thing Margo wanted us to pick up." She risks putting a hand on his arm to prevent him from saying anything else ridiculous. Belinda will probably assume it is platonically motivated anyway. Even before all this started she did spend quite a bit of time pulling him out of trouble.
Humphrey looks at her confused for a moment as if to ask why Margo would want them to pick up an extra large jar of peanut butter before apparently catching on that she's trying to save him. "Ah, yes PC Hartford has grown quite fond of having a morning sandwich before work. Won't start his work without…"
He's starting to ramble again and Esther quietly steps on his foot to silence him before he digs himself back into another hole. Unfortunately, this does mean that she actually does have to buy an extra large jar of peanut butter. Maybe Martha can use it in the cafe.
After Esther pays for her purchase, they make their way out of the shop and Humphrey asks, "Where did I go wrong?"
"Well, probably the moment you asked for advice on a Valentine's Day date the day of while your girlfriend was standing only two aisles over."
For a moment he deflates before admitting, "I've never done something like this before and I just…I want it to be special. I mean it always surprised me enough that Martha agreed to put up with my oafishness for so long and then after that night when we all got drunk and…"
Esther cuts him off. "I've already told Zoe not to expect me home tonight because I have a date."
"Oh." Humphrey lets out a breath and Esther decides to lean up and kiss him. She's pretty sure Belinda Avery is watching through the shop window, but if the older woman is going to start a rumor she might as well start the right rumor.
-
Esther arrives at the boat at seven after changing clothes and packing an overnight bag, and she finds Martha on the deck with Humphrey nowhere in sight.
The two women make eye contact and somehow at the exact same moment they say, "You look…wow." Of course this immediately devolves into giggles. The whole concept of this relationship is still strange and new, but so far this hasn't been a bad thing and tonight is Valentine's Day.
"Where's Humphrey?"
"He wanted to cook dinner."
"Is that really a good idea?" Esther starts to ask. It's not that she doesn't trust Humphrey to at least try to do well, but he is Humphrey.
Before Martha can respond Humphrey yells from below deck, "You know I can hear both of you."
Of course his response is only met with two sets of giggles until he finally emerges from below deck with a bread basket, which is presumably only the starter.
It is at the exact moment Humphrey puts the bread down on the table that it catches somebody else's eyes. Selwynn the duck swoops in and snatches a piece of a baguette causing Humphrey to scowl. "Ack, no! Bread is very bad for ducks!"
Without thinking Humphrey takes chase after Selwynn and then something worse happens. In a tangle of awkward flailing limbs he goes over the edge.
Surprisingly, Martha reacts quickly, but even so by the time they pull Humphrey to shore he is already shivering. However, he still has the gall to comment, "Not to be too forward, but it might be best to take this date below deck."
Before, Esther might have insisted he looked gangly, but in an endearing way, like some baby animal trapped in a middle aged man's body, but somehow even while again dried and wrapped in blankets Humphrey manages to retain a wet dog look.
"He looks so sad," Esther can't help but state.
"Again, I can hear you and I don't need you two gloating about how I managed to ruin our date." Somehow, he manages to look even more mournful at this.
"We're not exactly gloating dear," Martha speaks carefully, glancing at Esther again as she does so. "It's just you said you were going to cook dinner and you didn't mention anything about taking a swim tonight."
At the second part of the comment, her tone does change enough that even Humphrey seems to perk up a little. "Well, I'm afraid Selwynn doesn't understand much about human relationships." As he finishes speaking he seems to shiver a little again and the two women exchange a decisive glance.
And then suddenly they're both pulling on a slightly confused Humphrey, maneuvering him towards the bed.
He finally seems to gain his senses enough to state, "I have no idea what is going on right now."
"Well, you don't seem to know how to warm yourself, and as you have already mentioned, you ruined our Valentine's Day date by not cooking us dinner, and you did start a rumor earlier today that you're cheating on Martha with me, so it looks like we're going to have to take some form of romance by force."