Chapter Text
“George? Why are you so quiet?” Dream asks.
“I'm plotting.” George jokes. Dream huffs at that. He’s not, he’s trying his best to kill Dream, but Sapnap is the one pulling the team’s weight, he knows he’ll be collateral damage.
They're filming a manhunt video for Dream's channel. Speedrunner versus six hunters, because they clearly haven’t milked it enough. And with the amount Dream accumulates from these videos, he can only assume they will end up at a hundred hunters someday, when they’re all old and grey.
The old hunters are all gathered, as well as their new addition, Captain Puffy, who fit in like a puzzle piece. George didn’t know her as well as the others, but the amusing dynamic she had with the other hunters certainly broke the ice and soon enough George couldn’t hold back his barking laughter whenever she teases Bad.
They’ve been at it for a while, George is hunched over his keyboard, his back is starting to hurt, as well as his eyes which are glued to his monitor. Bad, always the leader, helps keep them on track, and Ant has gotten them all decked out in a short amount of time. He gets a good hit on Dream, launching him toward Sapnap for his attack, preluding their victory. But before Sapnap can hit, everything stops, and the server is frozen in time, no one moves in-game. They all groan in unison.
“I was literally about to get him!” Sapnap shouts. Vocalizing everyone else’s thoughts exactly. Everything unfreezes shortly, but the same thing happens again, and again. Every time it happens everyone groans in shared frustration and calls for Callahan, but Callahan is taking too long to resolve the issue and everyone gets impatient. And after years of this same old routine, something finally snaps. A few minutes later they're all plunged into a full blown argument, and Callahan is taking forever typing his stupid messages.
“Stop typing and unmute your mic, idiot!” George shouts.
[Shut up], the message in chat reads. Callahan’s own frustration is potent, making it clear that Callahan’s muteness doesn’t just hinder everyone else. In moments like these, when things get difficult and annoyance fills the space in their calls, George wonders if the urge to speak up claws at Callahan’s throat. Or rather, how self-disciplined he is to hold himself back from giving them a piece of his mind. George is sure he wouldn’t be able to.
George feels his face heat up. “Why won't you just talk to us, it would be so much easier!”
[I don't talk to idiots]
George feels a lump form in his throat at the dismissal. “We're supposed to be friends, friends talk to each other, we barely know you!” He nearly shouts. A thought ripped from the depths of himself, something that’s been held back for years. Save for his stupid reindeer skin and small seemingly insignificant messages, I really don’t know him.
“George…” Dream starts worriedly, but George doesn't want to hear it. Why is he the only one who is upset right now?
“Stop bitching George, nobody gives a rat's ass.” George ignores Sapnap’s comment.
The issue is eventually fixed and the recording is wrapped up. He doesn’t resent Callahan, he lets it go pretty quickly, not one to hold a grudge. Callahan must have a reason to hide away, and he shouldn’t push him.
But he does love to push.
Callahan’s name flashes on screen, he’s calling, for a second he thinks he’s about to get chewed out, and he’s going to have to hurry and come up with some excuse for himself that he doesn’t have. So his cursor hesitates over the green button before finally clicking it.
Callahan types in the chat. [Why are you getting so angry all of a sudden?]
“I don’t know.” George lies. It’s easier to make up lies than to try to explain that he had suddenly flared up over little thoughts in his own head mid-manhunt. It wasn’t fair of him to take it out on Callahan, who has been with them through thick and thin and only wants to help.
[Why don’t you trust me?]
“Isn’t it the opposite? It feels like you don’t trust us to know you.”
Callahan starts typing, he types for a while, then he stops, and starts again, as if he were stuttering. He thinks then, of how likely it is that it’s one of his other friends hiding behind a different account. None of them take this long to type out one message.
“Why are you so secretive?”
Callahan stops typing again, and George heaves a sigh, he’ll never get an answer out of him.
George and Callahan have been friends forever, it’s been over ten years and Callahan has not said a single word to him or anyone else. Aside from a bit where he unmutes his microphone and coughs quietly, that’s hardly anything. Under normal circumstances, a regular pair of friends would know nearly everything about each other after this amount of time. He can’t help but wonder who Callahan really is, what’s on the other side of the screen separating them. To them, Callahan sticks out like a sore thumb. But offscreen he’s sure to be surrounded by friends who view him as any other normal person, just existing. George is slightly jealous of those people.
He supposes Callahan is just a regular guy who is really into coding, just like him. He doesn’t want to pry, but sometimes his curiosity gets the best of him, he’ll push Callahan on and off in hopes of a single piece of a puzzle. And Callahan will change the subject in favor of their projects like he always does, no words spoken.
Truthfully, the one-sided nature of their relationship is a world of loneliness. Although he’s used to it, it’s weird to talk to someone who doesn’t talk back, but instead spends ten seconds typing out a message responding to you. Callahan makes up for it by spending extra time with him. Joining his streams when he’s alone, staying in calls with him while he edits.
He even did a bit one time where he turned his camera on to dance wildly, he couldn’t see his face, only his torso and his arms which he flailed around. It drew a high pitched laugh out of him, and he wished the camera would budge just a little to give him a glimpse of more.
George is avoiding editing his video again. It’s not that the video is bad, he tends to be less enthusiastic about this part of the process, sometimes going as far as paying one of his friends to do it, despite his stinginess. He tried it with both Dream and Sapnap, but clearly pushed his luck, because his whining only got him scolded.
“Edit your own video!” Ugh. He doesn’t want to, but knows in his heart that if he really put his back into it the video would be done within an hour or two, just like last time, and all the times before that. One day or day one, the post it note on his desk reminds him. He opens the editing software and messages Callahan.
He’s there within seconds, the sound effect when he joins sends a wave of excitement through him. Callahan’s presence alone helps, George is certain he can get it all done quickly with Callahan there.
He gets started and is making some progress but keeps getting distracted by everything and anything, just one of those days. He’s restless in his chair, his brows furrowed as he taps his fingers uncontrollably on his desk. He’s only halfway done, he needs some kind of incentive but comes up with none.
[If you finish it today I’ll tell you something], Callahan types in their chat.
“Tell me what?”
[I’ll tell you something about myself]
George perks up. He thinks about it for a few seconds, trying to wrap his mind around exactly what Callahan is offering. “Okay” he says, trying to keep it cool. The editing becomes a breeze. It’s done within an hour, the only thing on George’s mind being what Callahan would tell him once he’s finished. Is it something big? Or something more trivial?
[I don’t talk because I’m scared I think]
“Scared of what?"
[I don’t know] Callahan types. [What if you hate the way I sound]
That’s dumb, he hopes Callahan doesn’t think they’d drop him over something so stupid, not after all these years.
“No, that wouldn’t happen.”
[Ok]
And that’s the end of it. Until the next day. He’s playing bedwars on stream, promising his chat he’ll have at least one win by the end of it, but he’s having no luck, it’s loss after loss. His heart isn’t in it, as usual. Callahan joins the voice chat, as well as the server he’s in, he sends a party invite so they can play together. George accepts.
[If you win one I’ll tell you another thing about me], Callahan writes in the discord chat, a secret, hidden away from the prying eyes of his viewers, meant only for him. He didn’t expect this to be a recurring thing, does Callahan want him to win the game badly enough to offer him personal information?
George locks in, and after a hard battle with the other players, and with the help of Callahan, wins the game. He’s shocked about the ease with which Callahan knows how to motivate him. He wraps up his stream and ends it, then turns all his attention to Callahan expectantly. Opening discord and waiting for that tantalizing ‘Callahan is typing…’ above the textbox, it appears after a few seconds, disappears, reappears, like he’s thinking about what to say. Finding the perfect puzzle piece to satisfy George’s curiosity while not revealing too much at the same time.
[I have two younger brothers]. George likes that, he chuckles at the thought of Callahan being tormented by two younger siblings, being annoyed at them, doting on them, fighting with them, like an older brother would.
[What’s so funny?]
“What’s that like?” He asks through an amused smile, hoping Callahan will indulge him in a simple follow up question.
[Torture…]
George cackles, just as he thought. His sister is the same. It feels intimate to talk like this amongst themselves, finally having a real conversation. A conversation not about code, about the videos, or about their work, and with none of their other friends around to interrupt with witty commentary. George swears he’ll never tell anyone, Callahan’s brothers are for him to know about, and him alone.
“Did you know Callahan has siblings?” Bad asks on call.
“What the hell?” George flares up, he feels his face redden, almost feverish. For some reason he had the idea that the information rewarded to him was exclusive knowledge, apparently not. His eyes and nose sting, he wonders if Callahan duped him deliberately only because he felt bad for him, someone who wasn’t part of the game they were playing. Callahan has known Bad and the others for longer than he has so he shouldn’t be surprised, but being late to the playing field makes him feel left out sometimes when there’s a piece of information or an inside joke he doesn’t quite get. Of course Bad already knows Callahan has siblings, he probably told him when he was 14, Bad was probably notified privately on the day of their birth.
“Oh sorry Callahan, was I not supposed to tell?” Bad says. Callahan doesn’t say anything. He furrows his brows every time Bad opens his mouth for the rest of their call, he clenches his jaw so much his neck starts to hurt. He half considers just leaving. He recalls the airy feeling in his chest when Callahan told him, the moment is sullied and he flushes at his own stupidity. He hugs his legs close to his chest.
Dream and Sapnap probably know a whole lot more about Callahan than he does, not just because they grew up together but because Dream spends all his time exchanging code with him, back and forth in their messages trying to perfect it, calling for hours on end. So comfortable in each other’s presence, so natural, like breathing air. They could sit in silence forever without worrying about awkwardness. Maybe they even reminisce about childhood stories and other bits of nostalgia from a time when George wasn’t around. George doesn’t have any big important projects that require being in the same space as Callahan the way Dream does, but he wants to spend time with him all the same.
He’s been avoiding coding the plugin for his next video, and George has been messaging Callahan complaining about it and begging him to do it for him.
[If you do it now I’ll tell you another thing about me]
That gives George the motivation he needs, and he gets to work. Except this time, he’s too fixated on his interaction with Bad, he messes up. Whatever Callahan decides to tell him, he’s probably told other people, and it won’t feel as special. Error after error made trying to rush to the finish line for his treat anyway.
[Idiot…]
“Shut up, I know!” He backspaces, retries, saves it. But the plugin fails once again when he tests it, he whines. Not like it matters.
[Send me the file.]
George reluctantly uploads the file in their shared messages. He waits while Callahan takes a look at it, it’s eerily quiet in their call while Callahan has his undivided attention on George’s mess. Or at least that’s what he assumes, Callahan could be doing something completely different and he would be none the wiser. He entertains himself by playing with one of the toys on his desk while he waits. The minutes rush by, he’s about to say something when his discord pings with a new message, Callahan sent him a new file, which he opens.
It’s his code, only significantly different, improved, tidy. Except it’s littered with little smileys and hearts and little notes and feedback to help him understand the issue, helping make it easier. At the bottom of the file he wrote [hope this helps <3].
George tries it with the improved file, it works. “Does this mean I’m not getting any Callahan lore?” George asks pathetically.
[I’ll tell you something I haven’t told anyone else]. It stings that Callahan knows him so well, while he knows nearly nothing about the other. “Okay”.
[I’m 5’8]
Meaning Callahan is shorter than him, and Sapnap as well, which would delight him to know, but he won’t. This is sensitive information, and George is the only person who knows. George lights up and lets out a light giggle, which Callahan of course hears.
[I hate you]
But there’s no real malice behind it, George imagines it’s paired with a huff of a laugh and internally calling him an idiot.
High off his interactions with Callahan, he finds himself being the one who comes to Callahan’s defence when something goes awry, when the others get annoyed at him for typing too long.
“You’re an idiot George, weren’t you the one literally crashing out the other day because Callahan wouldn’t talk to us?” Sapnap questions him. George doesn’t answer him, he only laughs, or rather, he’s keeping their moments of secrecy close to his chest. Gatekeeping Callahan. His defending Callahan rewards him a [George :P] in chat.
“You’ve been talking to Callahan a lot lately.” Dream commented. Completely unprompted, when George is trying to relax.
He wasn’t wrong. His curiosity about Callahan made him gravitate towards him more than others lately, he’s not going to say no when Callahan keeps throwing him bones. He cherished what he learned about him, he could read a whole book about the man. And after a long day of joking around with Dream and Sapnap, throwing playful insults at each other, getting in a call with Callahan and being in their own little world was exactly what he craved. He wondered if Callahan saw their time spent together the same way, or if their calls were just background noise while he was coding.
“I don’t really mind, but I need him sometimes, you know?” He pleads. He can tell Dream is trying to be reasonable with him.
“I need him too, you’re not the only person working on stuff.” He’s not working on anything big currently, not like Dream is. Just being difficult for the sake of it. Dream rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue. George is starting to get annoyed. His projects aren’t more or less important, and Callahan doesn’t belong to anyone, no matter how much Dream pays him.
“Obviously not, but pretty soon I’m gonna have to delay projects because you’re hogging him.”
“Whatever.”
Dream sighs and walks back to his office to resume his work. Maybe he’ll let Milo into Dream’s room later so he can shit on his bed.
Callahan messages him asking to call, it’s late at night, too late for Dream to be working on anything, and George suspects he may have gone to bed already, meaning Callahan is all his.
He makes up a bit about going to bed, playing hard to get, but Callahan bribes him with another fun fact about himself, so it doesn’t last very long. Unlike the other times when he’s been rewarded for completing practical tasks, mostly related to coding and making videos, Callahan has started using his personal life to bait him into doing pretty much anything. But George has grown tired of inconsequential facts. “Can I decide this time?”
[Depends]
“What do you look like?”
Callahan types. [Blue eyes], the message reads. And then he types again, [brown hair]. George creates a picture in his mind of a 5’8 feet tall man with the features given. He tries to fill in the blanks using his imagination, maybe a stubble, maybe he has an athletic build, or more scrawny perhaps, considering he’s always at his desk, then imagines the figure sat by his desk, legs spread as he types away on a keyboard. He bites his lip and hums, Callahan hears it. [What?]
“I’m just trying to imagine it.”
[I’m sexy, hope that helps]. George laughs. He probably is.
The brightness on his phone is too high. It bores into his eyes, palms sweating as he grips the phone, creating a dent in his finger that has been propping up his phone for hours. It’s 2 AM and George has no plans of going to sleep. Florida is humid, and George feels too hot under his covers, the air conditioner in his room feels like a practical joke. He’s delirious, struggling to contain all the things that have been building up inside him, all the things he wants to say.
“What else?” He tries to fish for more.
[You’re so greedy today].
George scoffs. “Just tell me what I have to do to earn it.”
[That’s all you get]
George will settle for now because he’s getting tired, but he keeps that to himself, fearing that Callahan will leave if he shows any sign of fatigue. George keeps re-reading all their messages, and he’ll read them again when he wakes up, long after they’ve ended the call and are both offline doing other things.
George is sitting on the couch by their kitchen, Sapnap is clattering with pots and pans as he makes something to eat. It’s afternoon but they both just woke up for different reasons. Sapnap is still trying to level up in valorant, and grinds until late night. George stays up talking to Callahan, and Sapnap probably heard him whisper softly to his phone when he walked past his room.
“Who were you talking to last night?” Sapnap suddenly asks from the kitchen island."Callahan?"
“Callahan.” George smiles around the name as he scrolls through their messages on his phone. He chuckles at one of his favorites. Callahan is so funny.
“What did you talk about? You were on call for a while.”
“Uh, just random stuff, I suppose.” George manages to huff out without sounding like an idiot. He tries to keep it subtle, all the while his cheeks are hurting from his constant smiling that he can’t stop no matter how hard he tries. Preening at the fact that even though Dream pays for his support, Callahan chooses George to spend his time with. Sapnap raises his eyebrow but doesn’t ask further questions.
While Sapnap rummages in the kitchen he sneaks glances at George, eyes narrowed. George is bewitched by the contents of his phone, completely unaware of his surroundings, and Sapnap’s analytical gaze boring into him.
It’s a beautiful day, the kind where the air above the surface of the roads ripple with heat, not a cloud in sight. But George stays inside anyway just to talk to Callahan and edit together even after Dream and Sapnap asked if he wanted to join them outside to eat. When he told them his plans the two men looked at each other and seemed to be having a silent conversation, but George didn’t bother asking why, already rushing to his computer to hop on discord where Callahan is waiting for him.
George was full of questions he couldn’t wait to ask. He hadn’t even finished his video yet but he was well on his way, he was bursting at the seams.
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
[lmao]
“What?”
[How would I have a girlfriend when I spend all my freetime with you idiots?] That’s true, there aren’t many hours in the day when Callahan isn’t spending time with them, so he wouldn’t be an especially attentive boyfriend if he did have one. But a voice inside his head insisted that Callahan had a special someone he kept hidden, someone he would entrust his whole life to. Another thought appears, and he’s compelled to ask.
“How about a boyfriend then?”
[You’re full of questions today]
“Humor me?” He regrets pushing Callahan, but he can’t help it, not when Callahan keeps biting the hook so eagerly.
[I wouldn’t mind having one]. He sits back in his chair, his hands are placed on the headrest of his chair while he takes in the new information. George wonders what kind of man Callahan would be attracted to, if he would be attracted to George. He shakes his head to rid himself of the thought, and lets out a nervous laugh.
[Was that funny babygirl?] George’s face flushes at the nickname, and he chuckles.
“I just didn’t expect it.” His mouth betrays him with more tittering, but he hopes Callahan doesn’t take it personally.
He’s getting close to finishing the new video, despite the questions on his mind and the distraction that Callahan poses. Like having social media open while you’re working on a school project, George struggles to resist the temptation, and keep focus. Callahan’s presence was supposed to help him keep focus, not purposefully distract him.
He’s just working on a cut when another message pops up. [Almost done! If you don’t finish soon I’ll have to tell someone else Callahan lore instead :(]
He knows it’s a joke, Callahan is taking advantage of his fomo yet again to get another video out of him. He finishes editing in record time anyway.
George blushes and scoffs as if he’s offended at the message that pops up as soon as the file goes through.
[Good boy]
It’s taking a while for Callahan to type something out, so George switches to his discord window to see what’s going on, but Callahan isn’t even typing. There’s nothing suggesting Callahan is still there.
“Callahan?” He calls out in his confusion.
“Hi.” A low, unfamiliar voice responds. George jumps, stares at his monitor bug-eyed, and has to do a double-take. He recovers, and squeals with joy. He hears the muted sound of Callahan laughing from his phone while he runs around his room. George sits back down, and fidgets with his hair and kicks his legs, they make a firm thudding sound every time they hit the stem of his chair.
“Well well well.” George starts. Callahan scoffs. “If it isn’t the little muffinhead.”
“Stop.” Callahan warns half-heartedly.
“Turn on your camera next.”
“You’re an idiot.” He laughs. George loves that sound, it’s a gravely laugh, accompanying a soothing voice that rubs him in all the right ways. He loves the sound of Callahan, he can’t believe he’s the first person to hear him, Callahan voice revealed to him.
“You know I don’t mind it, but why now all of a sudden?” And why only to him?
“Cause no one will ever believe you.” Callahan jokes, George laughs. Callahan gets quiet for a few seconds, and then continues. “And I guess … because I trust you to know me.”
George could have sworn something exploded inside his chest, his heart beats wildly, maybe too fast to be healthy, all he manages to do is giggle. He hides his face behind his hands and quickly removes them when he feels his face start to overheat. The world around him appears more vibrant now than before, and his cheeks hurt again.
“Tell me about your day.” George tries, hoping Callahan will trust him enough to share his life with him, he wants to revel in his voice, be drenched in it.
“We edited your video, idiot, you were there."
“Okay then tell me about yesterday.”
“Okay.” Callahan starts explaining, he goes into great detail about his morning routine, he likes to sleep in, just like them, maybe one day they can sleep in together. He talks about the things he enjoys doing on a regular day, spending time with them, rarely going outside, being more of an introvert. He speaks slowly and carefully, not about code, or editing. If George wasn’t so excited he would have fallen asleep.
His headset is a high quality, surround-sound system, inviting him to pretend Callahan is right next to him, speaking directly into his ear. He turns up the volume, so every word hits him like a wrecking ball. He becomes more confident with each word, compared to the unsureness when he first spoke at the beginning of their call. Callahan’s voice is dense and vibrates in his head, it sends a wave of heat throughout the rest of his body. He swallows, his breaths become heavier with each sentence, and his thighs start rubbing together unconsciously while Callahan talks about going grocery shopping.
He slaps a hand over his mouth so Callahan won’t hear him panting. But keeps nodding and humming to let Callahan know he’s still there, listening attentively to every word. But it only gets worse, George can no longer ignore the feeling in his groin. He's an active volcano, threatening to cover his room in a thick layer of smoke and ash. He feels himself twitch and harden in his boxers.
“Oh my god.” Complete and utter dread settles in his stomach.
Callahan stops in the tracks of his story. “What? What happened?” He asks.
“Um…” It doesn’t take long for him to reach full mast. Even though Callahan can’t see him he rushes to pull his shirt down and cover his crotch, maybe to spare himself the sight of his own indecency. He feels a lump in his throat, like he’s about to throw up. He needs to get out of here right now.
“I have to go.”
“Wh-” George hangs up before he can ask. He catches a glimpse of a new message from Callahan in the corner of his eye. [What happened?] But he’s already running to the bathroom. What is he supposed to say to that?
He jogs down the hall, shirt still pulled down to cover himself, then suddenly hears the front door of the house slam closed, signaling his friends’ return from their outing, terrible timing. He picks up speed and runs into the bathroom and slams the door shut and locks it. He does nothing but sit on the closed lid of the toilet for a while, his hands are clammy when he rubs his arms to soothe himself, it feels as though he’s been kicked in the stomach. The bathroom fan is blaring in his ears and the light is too bright. Marinating in his shame, he listens to footsteps make their way down the hall, drawing closer to his hiding spot. He can tell by the louder than necessary stomping, it’s Dream.
“Hey George, are you in there?”
He considers not answering. “Yes?”
“It started raining so we’re gonna order food instead.” George hadn’t even noticed the weather switch, too busy getting off to the sound of Callahan. He whines. It’s possible George may like Callahan a lot more than he would like to admit. This is all too much for him to handle.
George’s silence must’ve concerned him. “Are you ok?”
“Yeah.” He is not okay.
When Bad invites them all to play bedwars together, George doesn't want to at first. It was rare for them all to be together like this, and he’s been putting distance between him and Callahan lately, afraid that he would make a fool of himself. The way he acts around Callahan is… strange, at best, and he wouldn’t put it past his friends to point his behaviour out publicly. When he is with Callahan his heart seems to beat quicker than when he’s with his other friends, but he fears the implications of that and avoids thinking about it entirely, and asks Dream to join him in calls to edit videos together instead, what Callahan doesn’t know won’t hurt him. He hasn’t asked about his absence, or even messaged him about it.
So George makes a big deal about being tired and not being able to make it, Bad is understanding as always. [Aww, sleep tight little muffin. Maybe next time]. He messaged him. But his friends weren’t as kind, you get what you give. They practically drag him into the call. Callahan is already there, muted. They’re in the middle of a game.
Bad greets him first.“Hello George!”
“George, talk to us! You barely talk to us anymore.” Sapnap complains.
“I do talk to you.”
“Nuh-uh! You barely come out of your room ‘cause you’re always talking to Callahaaan.” Sapnap draws out his name teasingly, like a kid at the playground. George and Callahan sitting in a tree.
“Wait, what’s going on with Callahan?” Bad asks with concern.
“Nothing’s going on with Callahan, we’re working on stuff.” George responds.
“Oh! What are you two working on?”
“If you must know, we’re… editing videos.”
“You mean you’re paying Callahan to edit for you?” Sapnap quips.
“No! He’s just there while I edit.”
“Do you need Callahan to be there while you edit?” Dream finally pipes up. Undoubtedly hinting at their earlier squabble, when he accused him of hogging Callahan.
“I guess not... technically.” Truthfully, he just wanted Callahan to be there, more than anything, but if he admitted to it they would surely catch on.
[He wants me], Callahan types in the bedwars chat, making their friends snicker.
“No I don’t.” George denies. George has gone quiet, squirming in his chair. He fears any words that come out of him will be indicative of how he truly feels, making everyone uncomfortable, especially Callahan. Breaking apart their lifelong friendship and landing him right back in the trenches of England where he has no one, where he will stand on the shores of London and stare into the horizon line, waiting for the life he knew was waiting for him on the other side.
[Is that why you haven’t called me? Because you don’t need me for editing anymore? :/]
George hasn’t called him because his voice would waver when they’re alone, and his body would betray him, and if Callahan revealed more of himself surely something even worse would happen. “No. Mind your business.”
[That’s not fair.]
George winces from the tug of remorse in his chest, he averts his eyes from the screen and ends up being killed by another player.
“George!” Dream angrily calls out.
Their bed is destroyed so George doesn’t respawn, opting instead to close the game entirely. Callahan is unusually quiet, when he’s talking to him privately it’s almost hard to get him to stop talking. The others fill the silence with their yelling and shouting, it’s too much at once, Dream's frustration at him leaving the game, Callahan’s silence, the shouting, the twist of hurt in his chest. George leaves the call and sits back in his chair, he lets out a heavy sigh.
Callahan must have left the voice chat right after him because his name suddenly flashes on screen, George hesitates to accept the call.
George is fully expecting him to unmute and talk to him like he did last time, but he doesn’t.
[You won’t talk to me for days and now you’re telling me to mind my own business?] He’s visibly angry, George can tell from the message. He can’t help his disappointment at his typing in chat, but he shouldn’t expect to be met with open arms after blowing him off.
“It’s just personal, ok?” He realizes how unfair he’s being, Callahan opened up to him despite his anxieties, trusted George with his entire being, only for George to reinstate the walls Callahan had generously torn down, too afraid to return the sentiment. He’s afraid it could lead Callahan to think that what they’ve built is one sided, he definitely does now.
[I told you everything about me, it’s not fair that you won’t do the same.] He types. [Don’t you trust me?]
“I do trust you.” George’s face heats up, he’s only partially lying. He does trust Callahan, but there are certain things he must keep to himself. But more than anything, he’s mad at himself for causing Callahan so much hurt, he knows he’s betrayed him in their trust. After begging and crying for information about him and then wringing him dry, it’s only fair he should do the same, but he won’t. Their relationship is one sided, as it has always been, but it’s the other way around this time.
[So why did you hang up back then? When we spoke.] George couldn’t answer that, no way. If Callahan knew what really happened, and the implications of what he did, he wouldn’t want to be friends anymore. He does trust Callahan, more than anyone, but he doesn’t trust him not to be judgemental.
“Uh… I don’t remember.” George stutters, Callahan isn’t dumb, he can tell when George is lying. It feels like he knows George better and better with every day that goes by, he studies him like a textbook, while George is still struggling to get to know him. Or maybe he struggles to understand him. George used to think the things Callahan chose to share were trivial, but maybe he’s been flippant with his questions. He was always more interested in the superficial things, like what he looks like or who he likes, never really bothering to dwell on what lies beneath the surface. Maybe he’s shallow.
[Don’t play dumb]
“I really don’t, sorry.” He doubles down on the denial.
[Alright, I can take a hint.] The message has a sense of finality to it. Callahan hangs up. Coldness overtakes him in his core. His room is silent, and he realizes he may have sabotaged himself.
Things had been quiet after that call, Callahan hadn’t messaged him, busy working on an event with Sapnap. And George hadn’t messaged him either, too ashamed to. George asks Callahan to take a look at something he’s coding, and Callahan sends him the code back, improved, but without the sweetness and additional notes that he usually gets. It’s like they’re simply coworkers rather than friends.
It’s been days, Callahan hasn’t responded to any of his messages, he’s been marked as offline for most of the time. George doesn’t recognize his own reflection when he looks in the mirror, his eyes are red and sunken. He’s been lying in bed most of the time, thinking about their last conversation and all the ways he fucked up.
Since Callahan and him aren’t talking George has to manage without him, George didn’t realize before how helpful it was to have Callahan around to motivate him to complete tasks, and now everything seems like an impossible chore. It doesn’t matter how much he wants to do something, he can’t even muster up the strength to get out of his bed. And he misses Callahan. He wishes he could go back and say things differently, find the courage in himself to share his world the same way Callahan had shared his.
The whole time George had been afraid of losing Callahan, that Callahan would find him disgusting for liking him in a way out of their ordinary. Now, looking back, he finds his worst fear has already come to pass. And if he can’t salvage this somehow, he’s not sure he’ll be the same.
It’s overcast outside. He keeps checking his phone every two minutes, his leg bounces uncontrollably. He finally managed to get out of bed today, forcing himself to sit down in front of his monitor to finish another video, which he promised his followers would be posted by tomorrow. They worked so hard on it, he was so sure it would be ready ahead of that time. Nothing he’s doing is turning out. He doesn’t feel like working, and the little post it note stuck to his monitor doesn’t hit the same spot anymore.
Maybe tomorrow.
George is back in his bed again, doom scrolling on tiktok. He was hoping it would make him feel better but the joyful music tracks and funny memes only give him a headache. There’s a knock on his door.
“George?” He stops scrolling to listen, the door doesn’t open. “I’m ordering food, do you want anything?”
“No.”
Sapnap opens the door, and mock-pinches his nose, squinting his eyes. “Ugh, it stinks in here dude, how long have you been in here?”
“If you don’t like it you can leave.” George responds flatly.
“George, I'm worried about you. You love it when I pay for food.”
George just shrugs weakly and resumes his scrolling instead of responding to him.
Sapnap leans on the doorframe, arms folded over his chest. “Did something happen?”
“Why do you care?” He asks. It may have come off a little harsh judging by Sapnap’s kicked puppy look, which he quickly covers up by furrowing his brows and scowling. Sapnap always wants to be the toughest guy in the room.
“I don’t, I just can’t hang out in your room when it stinks.”
“Then leave!”
“Fine! Be that way, you little bitch. I was just trying to be a fucking friend or whatever.” Sapnap hits the doorframe on his way out. The door slams shut. “And you can forget about your little bitch food, I’m not buying you shit.” Sapnap shouts from outside his door.
George sniffles, he is a little bitch. Not like George can rely on Dream and Sapnap for emotional support. None of the three men have ever cried in each other’s presence, he’s pretty sure Sapnap would call him a pussy if he ever saw him shed a tear.
George almost finished the video by himself, no Callahan needed, it was lackluster but postable. And then his computer crashed while he was rendering, because why not. Usually he would have asked Callahan to help, he’s so well versed in computers and always knows a quick fix.
For that reason Dream let him borrow his computer to finish editing, since all of their files are saved on a shared home server, it’s easy to open the file and no progress is lost, thankfully. If it was, that might have been the final nail in George’s coffin. While he’s rendering he scrolls on his phone and peeks up at the monitor from time to time to see the progress bar. His eyes catch on the taskbar where Dream’s discord is open, and George has always been and will always be a nosy little brat. He skims through Dream and Sapnap’s messages, Dream and Daquavis’ messages, Dream and Bad’s messages, but he doesn’t see anything particularly interesting. Then he looks through Dream and Callahan’s messages, which he was saving for last, or maybe avoiding entirely in fear of hurting his own feelings.
What he finds makes his fondness for Callahan grow tenfold. Callahan’s messages and notes to Dream are dry as hell and aren’t nearly as sweet as the ones he gets. There are no hearts or smileys, it’s casual, but lacking the depth George imagined their conversations would have. His messages to George are more attentive, caring, considerate. Confirming to him that George is somehow more special than the others. Most messages between them are updates on projects and availability for calls, to which Callahan would dismiss most of the time. Was it to spend time with George? George is suddenly hit by another intense wave of guilt, for snooping through their messages, and wronging Callahan. He really fumbled the faceless minecraft developer. He wishes he could call Callahan, but assumes he wouldn’t answer if he did. Callahan probably hates him right now.
“Hey George, are you almost done? I need my computer back.” George quickly hides the discord window and tries to keep it casual. The video finished rendering it seems.
“Yeah, just finished.” He gets up and makes his way to the door.
“Before you go, do you want to talk about it?”
“Talk about what?”
“Nick said you were upset about something, we’re just looking out for you, George.”
“Ugh.” Sapnap peeks through the door, curious about the conversation. Of course he snitched, whenever they fight Sapnap always runs to Dream to sort him out. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Does it have anything to do with Callahan?”
George looks back at him, then turns his back again and schools his features, but doesn’t answer. He really doesn’t want to talk to them about it, fearing again that they would find amusement where he finds nothing but pain. If it was nonsensical drama, he wouldn’t have minded it. But it’s not, this is profoundly personal.
“I don’t know what happened between you, but we won’t laugh if you tell us.”
“George, please tell us.” Sapnap begs in that whiny voice he uses whenever he wants something from George. George staggers on his feet. Dream and Sapnap appear genuinely curious about what’s going on in his head, not knowing that he’s falling apart. It’s hard to say no when they look at him this way.
“It started a few weeks ago. After I got mad at him during the manhunt.” Both men sit down as George starts to explain. “We started spending more time together, he would uh… offer facts about himself if I finished stuff. Videos and codes, those kinds of things.”
A lightbulb looks to have lit above their heads. They’re piecing it all together now.
“But things changed.” The two men lean forward. George sits down and puts his head in his hands and massages his temple while his friends are restless in their seats, annoyed that George is stalling.
“Um… I think I…” George is struggling to get the words out, but they promised not to make fun of him, and even if they did, at the end of the day he trusts them. They won’t send him away, or leave him. But there’s a chance they will feel hurt he hid so much of himself from his two closest friends, how he feels so strongly, how vulnerable he is behind the facade. But if they give him another chance after all of this he swears to himself he’ll let them see all of it.
“I think I like him. Like…” He looks them in the eyes for the first time since they started the conversation, Dream and Sapnap are staring at him with wide eyes, he hopes his hopeless expression gets the point across. “You know?”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Dream says, he sounds disappointed.
“I don’t know, it’s just easier that way.”
“Is it? This has clearly been bothering you for a while.” Sapnap says.
“We don’t live together because we’re coworkers George, you can talk to us.” Dream looks him in the eyes when he says it, making sure George hears it.
“Sorry about earlier.” George’s lip quivers, and even though he knows they’ve got his back, he still holds himself back.
“Hey, it’s fine. Now hug me.” Sapnap throws himself at George and is pushed away while George laughs, a few runaway tears stream down his face, he has a lump in his throat. But the arms around him melt it all away. Sapnap holds him, but it feels like he’s doing it more for himself, the selfish bastard. At least they’re not laughing.
“I messed up, he won't talk to me.”
“So something did happen?” Dream asks.
“I said some stuff I shouldn't have on call.” He purposely leaves out the part where he stiffened to the sound of Callahan’s voice. He recalls being so embarrassed about himself he made Callahan feel like he was just an assistant to him, which isn't anywhere close to how he really feels. He wasn't brave enough to man up to his own feelings, how was he supposed to tell Callahan?
“I don't know what he's thinking, or how to make it right.”
“I have an idea.” Dream says with a smile.
"What is it?”
“It’s a surprise.”
Callahan is on call with Sapnap, planning his event together. But compared to others Sapnap is a spitfire, full of ideas at every moment, all he has to do is sit there and let Sapnap bounce ideas around. He appreciates his independence because that means he can zone out for a bit.
It’s been days since he last spoke to George, he had to stay in bed for a while just to get a hold of his own thoughts, which were running away from him. These days he had less of an appetite, and no desire to go outside at all. The thought of George brings him nothing but heartache.
He tried to set boundaries with George, after years and years of not talking, and hiding who he is, he would have hoped that George had got it by now. Forgetting that George is a total idiot and will push until he gives in. But Callahan quickly realized that he can use it to his advantage. It’s endearing, how George will whine and complain about having to edit like he’s getting paid and then bend over backwards for a chance to learn more about Callahan. He’d managed to reel George in with his mystique somehow. And thanks to that, George had been more productive than ever.
Dream had asked him about it, knowing they were spending more time together than usual after Callahan had dismissed him in favor of George for the fifth time. But Callahan kept their time private, like he knew George would have wanted. He suspects Dream had confronted George about it too, because suddenly George would only call him when Dream was offline, but that just meant he could focus all his attention on George with no distractions or deadlines. And getting in a call with George and helping him with the simplest things was easily the highlight of his day.
George thankfully doesn’t appear to understand how much power he has over him, it scares him. A lifetime of staying quiet to protect his peace, and all it takes is a neurodivergent British man to tear it all down. So Callahan puts himself out there despite it all, just to get a reaction out of George, and exposes more than he normally would. It didn’t take much convincing himself to unmute his microphone and reveal his voice to George, and the happiness it gave George only made him want to show him more. He quickly lost control. George is a never ending fountain of questions which Callahan is eager to answer, George eats it all up greedily, and Callahan gets drunk on the feeling it gives him. He’s dead set on avoiding him, so he doesn’t spill everything, but it’s gotten to a point where he struggles to say no to George, his affection towards George has grown greater than the terrifying notion of being known, so he fails again and again and again. He can tell George is also guarded in his own way, Callahan is not alone in his seclusion. George is obsessed with getting to know Callahan, but rarely talks about himself.
Hearing people passing by outside his open window, he quickly closes it. The walls Callahan has built around himself are thick, but at a great cost. Nobody can hurt him, but nobody can make him happy either. So rooted in himself that nobody's presence or absence can disturb his peace, until George. And he may have just lost him. When he steps over that line he was so afraid to cross, the line that separates him in his safety from the unknown, he messes it up just to go back to his comfort zone, sabotaging himself, and ending up right where he started, wishing for real connection. Too scared to live his own life, which passes him by outside his window, and he closes when it’s too much. Is he too soft? Or maybe too hard?
“Callahan? Callahaaaan? Did you go afk again?”
Callahan quickly types a response, the click-clacking of his keyboard is aggressive, he’s not really in the mood today. George made him feel like a joke, like their relationship was one-sided. It sent a warmth of redness to his face when he realized he had exposed so much of himself and George had no intention of ever doing the same thing, it felt like being naked in a room of a fully clothed crowd. And the only thing he could do to recover and save himself was to cover up and close himself off, once again, right back where he started.
Callahan is listless and Sapnap makes his annoyance known. They decide to wrap up the call and try again tomorrow, and he’s left with his own thoughts.
His discord pings with a message from Dream. Something about hitting 40 million subscribers and wanting to celebrate the milestone, along with a personal invitation. He always does this, mostly as a joke, maybe wishful thinking, everyone wants to know who he really is. But Dream never actually expects him to show up. Maybe it’s a way to keep them connected, to let Callahan know he’s part of the team too.
It’s a party for close friends and family, which means George will no doubt be there. And if they ran into each other there, who knows what would happen.
Another message from Dream pops up on his monitor.
[George will be there btw :))))]
Callahan’s nails dig into his mouse. Damn him. Dream’s taunting isn’t going to bait him to come. The party will be cringe anyway. And however many friends and family Dream has, they’re all going to be fawning over him, no one will even notice that he’s there.
…
There’s a possibility that if he went, no one would care about him, too busy congratulating Dream on his efforts. And while he’s center stage, Callahan can finally meet his friends—without attracting any attention. There’s also a possibility that people would freak out, and surround him, overwhelming him with questions, and he would totally embarrass himself. But for a chance to meet the three of them, maybe he’s willing to take that leap, and there’s even a possibility that it would make them closer.
What about when he runs into George, what would he say to him? He’s still mad about how George acted, and he couldn’t stand the thought of physically looking him in the eyes knowing George can see his soul now while his is still obscured from Callahan, despite the supposed mutual trust that they’ve built over the years. He can’t stand the thought of looking into those brown eyes, being so close to him he could reach out and touch him if he really wanted. To finally hold him, or punch him, maybe both.
Callahan really is infatuated with George.
Letting go of his beloved anonymity isn’t going to be easy. He pulls out his wallet to buy a plane ticket anyways.