Chapter Text

Chapter 1: The party

Levi has been at the party for less than five minutes, and he already hates it.

The nobles of Mitras are just as fake as he thought they would be, all pretentious smiles and overwhelming perfumes, which hide how rotten they are deep down. The food is a waste of perfectly good ingredients arranged in artful designs that taste abysmal. Even the frankly exquisite tea is not enough to cheer him up.

“Stop glowering,” Erwin whispers, catching two champagne flutes from a passing waiter and pressing one into Levi’s hand, exchanging it with his half-empty teacup.

Levi directs his glare at the Commander instead. “I was drinking that.”

“Not anymore,” Erwin replies. He’s sending a smile over to one of the ladies who’s been watching them behind her glass of champagne, and she blushes and turns away.

Levi understands why.

Erwin looks fucking handsome. More than he has any right to, really. His usual uniform has been exchanged for a pressed grey suit and a canary yellow shirt that fits right in among the colourful attire of humanity’s upper class.

Levi would’ve happily worn his uniform, but Erwin forced him into formal attire: a black shirt and trousers, completed by a ridiculous red cape-jacket, which flares out behind him like his Scout coat does. It looks like Erwin dug the damn thing out of a rich man’s attic, expensive but dated. The outfit costs probably more than Levi makes in a year.

“An investment into the future,” Erwin called it.

Unnecessary nonsense comes much closer in Levi’s opinion.

Isabel would’ve loved the clothes.

Levi suppresses the bitterness that rises with her memory and instead tries to force his features into something closer to bored indifference.

“Better,” Erwin says. “Remember, you’re here to charm people.”

“Tsk,” Levi snorts but quickly swallows the rest of his thoughts. He knows he’s here to be gawked at.

Please come closer and look at our newest exhibit: ‘humanity’s strongest’. He killed an abnormal on his very first mission outside the wall. Come closer, good people, don’t be shy!

Such bullshit.

The light twinkles in the chandeliers, making Levi’s eyes hurt. Even after almost four years on the surface, bright light irritates and astonishes him at the same time. He takes a sip of champagne by accident and almost spits it out again.

Alcohol, tsk.

Makes the mind weak and the body slow.

“Ah, there he is,” a loud, booming voice announces, and Levi is tempted to tip his champagne over his new jacket and flee the conversation.

But it would make his jacket filthy. Besides, he promised Erwin to charm the upper class into giving them charity.

Not that Erwin would phrase it as such.

“The man of the hour. Humanity’s strongest!” the voice booms, and Levi turns around, realising a half-circle has been formed around him and Erwin. “Captain Levi.”

Glasses are being raised, and hands clap, and whispers buzz through the crowd.

Levi blinks, trying hard to focus, but the faces of the crowd blur. He can feel Erwin stiffen next to him, knows he’s supposed to do something, goddamnit, and he can’t disappoint Erwin.

So, he raises his class to the crowd and forces an approximation of a smile on his face.

It seems to be the right thing, because the crowd relaxes, and the speaker moves on.

“And of course, Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps.”

Erwin laughs and raises his glass as well. He looks radiant in the light of the chandelier, hair like spun gold, and Levi has to force himself to look away from him. It’s unfair how good he looks, how relaxed. How can the man be so at ease in this crowd of vultures?

“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen – and of course Lord von Falkenstein – for the warm welcome,” Erwin says, and his voice projects easily.

The crowd is immediately charmed, listening with the same rapt attention as his soldiers.

“The captain and I are both glad to be here with you today. To a successful evening.”

The crowd repeats his toast, and Levi manages to not choke on the champagne and the phoniness of it all.

If only the last mission hadn’t been such an absolute disaster, he wouldn’t need to be here. Even with Erwin implementing the new formation and signalling system in the joint recovery mission, they lost more than 90 percent of their people and didn’t even come close to recapturing Wall Maria. The mission to recover the Wall had been impossible. Not enough time to prepare and train, not enough equipment or horses – they were over-run by titans from the start.

In its aftermath, mere rumours of both abandoning the recovery of Wall Maria and shutting the Survey Corps down have transformed into pulled funding and whispered accusations.

The Survey Corps is the reason the titans invaded, they say. If the Corps hadn't insisted on leaving the walls and killing titans, the titans would have let us be.

Bullshit. Obviously. Titans have no strategy. No understanding of revenge.

It's more important than ever that the Survey Corps rides out and does some recon. And for that, they need to recover their funding.

“Is it true, then,” one elderly lady chitters, “that Captain Levi here made it from recruit to the captain of the Scout’s Special Ops within two years?”

From Underground criminal to officer is what she means, of course.

“That’s surely impossible,” her companion adds, his moustache quivering.

“For us normal mortals perhaps,” Erwin replies with a wink. “But Captain Levi is extraordinary.”

Something warms in Levi’s chest at the praise, even though he knows that Erwin is just saying it to make him look good in front of the nobles.

“Humanity’s strongest, eh?” Lord von Falkenstein quips, putting a hand on Levi’s shoulder.

It’s really only the champagne glass in his hand that keeps Levi from twisting the man’s arm behind his back for touching him with his filthy, sweaty hands.

“Captain Levi, tell us, how does it feel to have your own squad?”

Levi swallows, feeling everyone’s eyes on him. “Good,” he replies.

Lord von Falkenstein chuckles. “I bet it does.”

“Only three other people ever got promoted to officer in under two years, did you know, Captain Levi?” a different voice asks, and Levi uses the excuse to turn and let Lord von Falkenstein’s hand fall off his shoulder.

The man who spoke is in his thirties, well-dressed and soft like only those people are who never worked physically a single day in their life.

“I did not,” Levi replies.

It’s a well-kept secret that Erwin is the only reason for his promotion, even though some might suspect the truth. Shadis would've rather swallowed hot coals than given him his own squad. But Erwin trusted him to be more than a selfish bastard who cared only about his titan kills.

“And I don’t care,” he adds. “Years in the military don’t signify skill.”

Unfortunately. There've been too many decently skilled Scouts who've been annihilated by titans. Like Farlan and Izzy.

“Nor does a military career.” The noble’s eyes twinkle with amusement.

Levi narrows his eyes. He has the feeling he has just been made fun of, but he’s not good enough at this game to know what he’s supposed to reply to that without insulting the people he’s supposed to charm.

“You’re right, Lord Lichtenstern,” Erwin saves him smoothly. “I have a friend – we were recruits together – who consistently crashed his landings, and now he’s a section commander in the Military Police.”

Everyone laughs, even though Levi thinks none of this is even remotely funny. It’s not that Levi hasn’t profited from the fact the Military police is full of incompetent lazy idiots in the past; but now that Wall Maria has been breached by the titans, they are the waste of taxes, not the Survey Corps. Kenny probably did the right thing when he murdered a bunch of them years ago.

“What lies are you telling about me?” Nile Dok speaks up, sidling up to Erwin with a smile.

Right. Now Levi gets the joke.

“Only the truth, Nile,” Erwin replies, and the crowd laughs again.

Levi watches the ease of their banter with something that feels too close to jealousy. He’s not good at this. Slicing up titans, that he can do. Charm people, not so much.

Why is he here again?

“I wonder, would it be possible to arrange some kind of…showing?” Lord von Falkenstein asks, and Levi abruptly remembers.

Right. He’s here to perform. Like an animal.

“So Captain Levi here can show us his skills. With your permission of course, Commander Smith.”

The crowd coos.

Erwin’s gaze slides to him, and Levi tries to subtly shake his head. The last thing he needs now is a weapon in his hand.

“That’s a wonderful idea,” Lord Lichtenstern exclaims. “Now what could we use for target practice…”

“How about your hat, Lady Kleist?” someone jokes, and the lady in question graciously unpins her large hat and hands it to Lord Lichtenstern.

Without waiting for any kind of agreement, the crowd suddenly begins searching for various items that could be used as a target while Levi stares wide-eyed. Someone hands him one of the Military Police rifles, the weight heavy and unfamiliar in his hands.

“Have you had any training with guns, Captain?” Lord Lichtenstern asks.

Levi shrugs. “I prefer swords. This is useless against titans.”

“Do you now?” Lord Lichtenstern mutters, a smile on his face.

“A true Survey Corps soldier,” someone remarks. “Only you are so fond of your bloody swords.”

A few people laugh.

“But you must’ve learned to use them,” Nike Dok asks, narrow-eyed. He’s probably worried Levi might start shooting the attendees.

“I didn’t exactly go through standard recruitment,” Levi retorts.

Nile’s mouth twitches in contempt.

It has been a point of contention between Erwin and the Military Police that Levi has not gone through three years of basic training before becoming a Scout. They have tried on several occasions to arrest him for his criminal activities in the underground with the grounds that he illegally joined the Scouts and thus has no immunity.

“But I did have a lesson or two,” he adds.

“Come on, show us!” Lord von Falkenstein exclaims excitedly, not picking up on the tension between Levi and Nile.

Levi stares at the crowd in the half-circle around them, each of them holding an item as target, and none of them seem even afraid that there’s a loaded gun in their midst. So comfortable with their power.

Erwin hasn't moved from Levi's side, and the captain can't help but risk a quick glance at him to gauge his reaction. As usual, Erwin exudes an air of quiet confidence, and the moment he catches Levi's gaze, he nods almost imperceptibly.

Right. The only way out is through, it seems.

“Shouldn’t we be doing this outside?” Levi grunts.

“Right, of course.” Lord von Falkenstein laughs nervously. “This way.”

He leads their little group out through large glass doors into a paved terrasse, a dark garden behind. The relative darkness is a balm for Levi’s senses; the air is fresh, free of oppressing perfume, and the noise of the crowd lessens the moment they close the doors behind them.

“Now, Captain, why don’t you show us what you’re capable of?” Lord Lichtenstern asks with a small smile, and Levi still has the uncomfortable feeling of being appraised, like a piece of meat in the butcher's shop. Perhaps because of the amused twinkle in the noble’s eyes, or the arrogant stance of his shoulders. Or perhaps because Levi knows they’re all thinking he’s nothing but an Underground rat.

The people have placed some of the targets on the far railing of the terrasse where the stairs lead down into the gardens. A champagne glass. A burning candle. A vase, whose cost could feed Isabel and Farlan for a month.

“Erwin?” Levi whispers.

There’s a serious expression on Erwin’s face, but the nod he gives Levi is calm and encouraging. “Please, Captain,” he replies. “Go ahead.”

Levi looks down at the rifle. It’s been a while since he held one. They are a Military Police exclusive, the best of the best. That doesn’t mean they didn’t exist in the Underground. Levi still likes knives and swords better, though.

He exhales before lifting the rifle and lining up the shot. He knows most people find it easier to aim and shoot at unmoving targets in a practice situation than in real combat – not Levi, however. The adrenaline of a fight always gives him clarity, his instincts never failing him.

Now, however…

Come on, you stupid brat, Levi tells himself. You can’t fail Erwin.

He pulls the trigger.

The first shot goes wide, and the crowd laughs nervously.

“Fuck,” Levi curses, shifting his stance.

Don’t fail, he tells himself. You can’t fail. What will become of you if the Scouts disappear?

The Survey Corps is his home now – Mike’s scowl and Hange’s excited laughter and Erwin’s quiet nods – and he can’t lose another home.

He squeezes the trigger, and a loud splintering sound tells him he hit the vase. He takes the two next shots in short succession, blasting the candle and the champagne glass to smithereens.

“Bravo!” the crowd applauds, and Levi gives a stilted little bow, cursing himself immediately afterwards. Why is he bowing to these people?

“How about we up the stakes a bit?” Lord Lichtenstern suggests. “Can you hit moving targets, Captain?”

“Easy,” Levi replies.

Erwin shifts beside him, and Levi notices that the gunshots have attracted even more of a crowd. Goddamnit. But Levi’s in it too deep to back out now. They both know it.

They start throwing things in the air for Levi to hit, and after a moment of adjustment, he hits without a fail. Even though it hurts him to destroy the glasses and hats and flowers.

What a fucking waste of bullets.

After eight shots, he hands the empty rifle back to Section Commander Nile, who takes it with a sour look on his face.

“Have you considered joining the Military Police instead, Captain?” Lord von Falkenstein asks.

“No,” Levi replies bluntly.

“I’m afraid he’s Erwin’s,” Nile says, although he doesn’t sound very sorry about it.

“Ha! That’s what Shadis said. Erwin’s loyal soldier,” another man exclaims.

“Tell me, Commander, is he really that good?” Lord von Falkenstein asks.

“You should see him with the ODM-gear,” Erwin replies. “He is brilliant.”

Levi’s mouth turns unexpectedly dry. He’s good at killing titans, he knows that. But brilliant? One of Erwin’s flowery exaggerations.

“Have you ever been hunting, Captain?” Lord Lichtenstern asks, sidling up to Levi.

Levi frowns up at him. “What? Deer and shit?”

Fuck, he’s not supposed to mention that. Of course, everyone knows where he’s from, but he shouldn’t have brought it into the conversation.

“I suppose not,” Lord Lichtenstern replies with an amused air. It puts Levi on edge. “You should come, then. Luckily, it’s my turn to host this year’s hunt, and I want you to be there. And your commander, of course.”

Levi doesn’t know much about hunting… Well, the hunting the lord is talking about. It had astounded and disgusted him when he heard about this pasttime for the first time.

“Um,” Levi hedges, throwing glances at Erwin, but his commander is a few steps away, deep in conversation with Lord von Falkenstein.

There is no reasonable way he can decline. Levi can ride and he can shoot. He just doesn't want to.

“With no expedition ahead, you can’t possibly be busy,” Lord Lichtenstern pushes. “Come on, I want you on my team. With your skills, we’ll finally find that white stag that Helmut supposedly spotted last year.”

Levi’s eyebrows rise to his hairline. A white stag?

God, is this what it comes down to in order to get funding? Killing animals for sports? While people in the underground are starving.

Sometimes Levi really hates people.

“If my commander agrees,” he replies in the most diplomatic way possible. Then Erwin has to deal with it, and he can package a No into prettier wrappings than Levi.

The lord sends him a blinding smile. “Oh, I’m sure I will find a way to convince him.”

With money, is what he means. Or at least, Levi hopes he means.

Levi breathes out slowly through his nose. “Fine,” he says.

“Splendid. Now, let me introduce you to Lady von Liebenau. She recently invested into new equipment for the Garrison. She’s terribly afraid of titans, Captain. I’m sure we can charm her into investing into the Survey Corps’ future.” He winks at Levi, gently pulling at his elbow to direct him towards a young woman in a blue dress.  “I’m sure that if the titans ever breach Wall Rose, we want Humanity’s Strongest on our side.”

Levi tries to hide his grimace of distaste, but he’s not sure he entirely succeeded. He thought the nobles would be totally unaware of the reality outside Wall Sina, wouldn’t know any real fear of titans. But that’s not true. They are afraid . But they think they can buy themselves protection. They don't care if the rest of humanity perishes.

“Ah, Hedwig, just the woman I wanted to talk to,” Lord Lichtenstern says, waving the woman over.

The rest of the evening passes in a bit of a blur. Levi is handed from noble to noble, all asking the same inane questions about his skills and the size of titans; some carefully circumnavigate his background with polite words, others not so much.

Finally, he’s back in the carriage with Erwin, breathing in his first deep breath since the evening began.

Erwin looks just as handsome and perfect as he did when they arrived, his cheeks slightly more red by the champagne perhaps, but not one hair out of place. He’s a picture of composure and strength, and Levi wants to reach out and glide his fingers through Erwin’s golden hair, break that composure with heated kisses and make his muscles tremble with weakness and desire.

He doesn’t.

Not here. Not now. It’s too dangerous.

“That went well,” Erwin says as the carriage starts moving with a jolt.

Levi snorts. He can’t tell if Erwin is being facetious or if he truly means it.

“They were eating out of the palm of your hand,” he adds.

Levi presses his lips together. Erwin has it all wrong. He was the one everyone floated around, charmed and intrigued. Levi was just the cheap attraction, like the woman with the counting horse on the marketplace.

“Do you think any of them will really give us money?”

“Yes,” Erwin replies. “But not now. One dinner invitation at a time.”

Levi sighs, leaning back. “So you really want me to do this again.”

He expects a chuckle, or a Yes, Captain, but he is met with silence. Turning his head to look at Erwin, he’s surprised to see his expression softening. “I know I’m asking a lot of you,” Erwin says.

Levi quickly looks away again. He doesn’t want Erwin to look at him like that, like he’s hurting Levi somehow by doing this. “It’s fine,” he grunts.

“You hate it, though.”

Levi shrugs again. Yes, he does. But he hates titans more. If this is what needs to be done so that he can continue fighting titans, then he will do it.

He’s acutely aware of how Erwin shifts forwards, towards him, how close their knees are to each other. “Were any of them rude to you?”

Levi directs his gaze out of the window, watching the passing streetlights. “I can handle myself.” He’s used to the mutterings, the suspicious glances, the whisper of Underground Rat wherever he goes. Not in the Survey Corps, though. Not anymore.

Levi can feel Erwin’s heavy gaze on him, but he doesn’t push more. “Okay.” He shifts again, his foot slightly brushing against Levi as he crosses his legs. “That was a good line you said there. That the Survey Corps should be considered the first defence against the titans. That we stop them before they reach the walls. I should write that down.”

Levi snorts. “Seems to me you remember it perfectly.”

Erwin laughs quietly. “I hope you won’t mind if I use it. Lady Hedwig von Liebenau seems to be a promising…candidate.”

Levi flinches as the light of the streetlamp hits his eyes in a straight angle as they turn a corner. He’s still slightly on edge, and now he’s flinching from light again, damnit. He thought he was over that.

Immediately, Erwin leans forward and pulls the curtain close. His hand brushes against Levi’s cheek as he does so, and it takes all of Levi’s willpower not to lean into the caress. He’s humanity’s strongest. He won’t be weak, not even for Erwin.

“We’re almost there,” Levi protests instead, even though he prefers the warm darkness of the carriage without the glare of the lights outside. He can still make out Erwin’s outline, his eyes too used to the dark after years underneath the ground.

“I’m meeting Nile for breakfast tomorrow,” Erwin informs him as he settles back into his seat, ignoring his remark completely. “He will be able to tell me if they’re really planning on merging the Survey Corps with the Garrison.”

“I still don’t see how that would save money.”

“Expeditions are expensive,” Erwin replies quietly. “We lost half of our gear and one third of our horses on the recovery mission.”

“You did the best you could. It was a suicide mission anyway the way the government devised it,” Levi hisses. He doesn’t like the tone of Erwin’s voice. It strayed too far from his usual inflection.

“Aren’t all expeditions exactly that?”

“Bullshit,” Levi replies. “Don’t repeat their words.”

Erwin straightens in his seat, slipping his commander persona on as easily as other people slip on clothes. Levi doesn’t think as highly of himself as to believe he might have managed to quell all of Erwin’s doubts, but he likes that Erwin showed him a hint of vulnerability. To everyone, he’s the perfect commander, the perfect soldier – but Levi is allowed to see the cracks.

“I might have to remind them that horses and gear are not as expensive as feeding refugees,” Erwin says finally.

“If we could retake the Wall –”

“Pixis and you didn’t manage with 250.000 men. Why would you manage now?” Levi interrupts him, asking the question that everyone will be asking of Erwin as soon as he brings it up.

“Because I won’t give up,” Erwin replies simply. “It might take years and thousands of lives, but I will retake that wall. And then I'll find out the truth.”

Levi swallows. He can’t help but believe in Erwin. There’s a fire in him that pushes him further, towards the horizon. Erwin, too, will do whatever it takes. Some might be scared by that, repulsed even, but not Levi. He knows that Erwin is aware that his choices kill people, that there are corpses of dead comrades waiting for him whatever he does, but in the end, these choices will lead to humanity’s victory. Levi knows Erwin wouldn't throw lives away in vain, out of arrogance or a refusal to listen to his subordinates - like Shadis did. That’s why he’s following Erwin. That’s why he’s fighting for him.

Because it means humanity’s triumph.

He doesn’t tell Erwin any of that. He doesn't need to. Everyone knows that Erwin is the only loyalty that Levi has.

“You sure Nile will help you?” he asks instead.

“He’s my friend,” Erwin shrugs.

“Tsk,” Levi mutters under his breath, quietly enough that Erwin can’t hear him. He doesn’t trust Nile Dok. He doesn’t have the veil of childhood attachment that could blind him to the man’s arrogance. Only selfish assholes join the Military Police after all.

“I’m expecting a dinner invitation tomorrow evening or the day after,” Erwin says. “You’ll be joining me.”

“Yessir,” Levi mutters, a parody of a soldier’s reply.

“Levi,” Erwin says quietly. It’s not admonishing, his voice too light for that. It almost sounds like the beginning of a question, and Levi doesn’t want to hear the end.

“Who am I to charm this time?”

There’s a beat of silence. Then, “I had a productive conversation with  He’s easily the richest of the lot. I never even managed to come close to him before, but he’s a good friend of Lord von Falkenstein.”

Before the fall of the Wall, Levi would've been more likely to murder the dinner guests than eat with them, but things have changed now. He always prided himself on being able to do what it takes, to take pain and humiliation without flinching if it meant survival. But for some reason, he much prefers a beating over a dinner.  He can go through with it, though.

For the Survey Corps.

For Erwin.

“Fine.” Levi sighs, leaning his head back against the headrest, ignoring the gentle jolting of the carriage.

“Then we can go back home.”

“I said fine,” Levi hisses. He doesn’t know why Erwin feels the need to placate him. He said he’d do what needs to be done, and this needs to be done.

“Levi…” Before Erwin can say anything else, the carriage stops abruptly, and their driver calls for them to exit. They got offered accommodations at the Military Police compound, which Levi doesn’t feel great about.

“Two days,” Erwin says, and it sounds like a promise.

Then, he jumps out of the carriage.

Erwin keeps his word. In the evening of the third day, they’re back at the HQ in Wall Rose. Without a single word, Levi follows Erwin to his office, officially to debrief, but the moment the door locks behind them, Erwin’s mouth is on his.

Levi lets himself be walked backwards until his hip hits the desk, and Erwin lifts him up without breaking the kiss. Lips soft yet demanding.

Levi makes a small sound that he will deny to the end of his days. Pure need. What is it about Erwin that makes him so weak? Unable to think rationally, driven by base instinct, greedy for affection.

Kenny would beat the hell out of him if he ever learned.

Yet, Erwin doesn’t push him away. If anything, he seems even more frantic, his hands travelling under Levi’s uniform, desperate for skin. Levi obeys his unspoken request, and quickly sheds his jacket and shirt. His heart constricts when Erwin pauses, and, instead of throwing the pieces of clothing to the floor, carefully drapes them over the chair. It sometimes feels like too much that Erwin knows him so well.

Slowly, Erwin opens his coat and shrugs out of the jacket, putting them aside a touch less carefully. Then he steps up against the desk again, between Levi’s legs, and Levi spreads them a little further to make room for him. His hands cup Levi’s jaw, blue eyes twinkling down on him.

“I missed you,” Erwin whispers.

The gentleness unsettles Levi. It’s intimate in a way that he can’t bear, somehow closer than if they were both naked and Erwin was inside him. So he rolls his eyes and says,

“You’re not a teenager, Erwin. You can do four days without a fuck.”

Erwin chuckles, and Levi can feel the sound all the way to his toes. “That’s not what I meant, Levi, and you know it.”

Sometimes, when Erwin says those things, Levi is not entirely sure he does. Does he mean he missed fucking Levi specifically? Probably. As far as the Captain knows, there is no one else who Erwin would take to his bed. Levi asked, once, if there was someone else Erwin would rather be with, pushing deeper when Erwin replied nonsensical things like, “No, it’s you that I want.”

He doesn’t need to sugar Levi up with lies. He’s not a maiden looking for a white knight. He knows what this is.

An arrangement. Sex. Mutual pleasure. Simple as that.

Finally, Erwin told him that he did love someone once, but when he chose the Survey Corps, he knew there was a good chance he would die sooner rather than later. He couldn’t do that to the woman, and so he left her. When Erwin joined the Survey Corps, he did so with the single-minded goal of becoming commander. And now that he is, everyone is a subordinate and therefore off-limits.

Levi is not sure why he qualifies as an exemption. Just because he doesn’t salute or yessir, doesn’t mean Erwin doesn’t have the same power over him as over all the others. Perhaps even more so, given that he was the one who recruited Levi, who got him out of the Underground and on the surface, who saw more than a criminal and a weapon in him.

But then, perhaps, Levi has never been shy of making his opinions known, and they both know he could kill Erwin with his office supplies if he really wanted to. So perhaps, it’s not quite the same as with all the others.

They both know the only superior that Levi ever really respected was Erwin, and fuck if Shadis didn’t hate that.

Levi sometimes wonders if that is why Erwin chose him. Not out of attraction or sentiment. But because he’s the most rational choice. Or perhaps Erwin simply enjoys flirting with danger, the possibility of ending on the wrong side of Levi’s blades. People who join the Survey Corps are rarely what the general population considers normal.

“I missed this, too,” Erwin whispers, pressing a kiss to Levi’s jaw, his neck, his collarbones, and Levi shivers.

“Erwin,” Levi warns, jerking his neck away.

“I know,” Erwin says. “Couldn’t resist.”

Levi rolls his eyes. He has no idea what it is with his neck that Erwin  finds so damn irresistible. At the beginning, he thought it was a power move, a way to control Levi, but he knows better now. Erwin just likes kissing him there.

The first time Erwin touched Levi's neck without warning almost earned him a broken jaw. It's different now. Erwin is perhaps the only person – except his mom – who is allowed to touch his neck. It’s too vulnerable to have anyone close to it; even the slightest pressure immediately reminds Levi of being choked.

Levi reaches forward, grabbing Erwin’s hips and pressing him closer, angling his head up for a kiss. Erwin doesn’t hesitate, meeting him half-way, and from the moment their lips touch, their kiss turns heated. Levi presses himself closer against Erwin’s body, feeling the ridges of his shirt buttons on his skin, the warmth of his body and the strong beating of his heart, and it’s still not close enough. Erwin licks against his bottom lip, fingers gripping his hair just the right side of too tight, and the sensation travelling right to Levi’s cock.

He growls, shifting up against Erwin, seeking friction.

Erwin responds by pushing him down onto the desk, never breaking the kiss. The wood is cold against Levi’s shoulderblades, and goosebumps crawl over his back and arms. He tries to shift Erwin closer, needing contact, needing his warmth, and Erwin obeys, leaning over him fully and pressing him down onto the table.

Erwin’s mouth is hot as he kisses a blazing trail down Levi’s chest to his stomach, sucking a bruise into his hipbone.

Levi gasps. “Careful.”

“No one’s going to see that,” Erwin reassures him, but his kisses turn gentler.

They always have to be careful. Relationships among soldiers aren’t forbidden, only discouraged. But that’s not the reason they have to hide. Erwin has to remain above reproach. People were already questioning his sanity for taking in three half-starved brats from the Underground and training them up to be soldiers. If they knew that the thing between Erwin and him is more than just loyalty, that it’s loyalty and sex – or worse, loyalty and feelings – Erwin’s career could be over.

“I can feel you worrying,” Erwin says, biting one of Levi’s nipples gently.

That very effectively draws the Captain back to the present, to the press of Erwin’s body over him, and the smooth surface of Erwin’s desk.

Thankfully, Erwin’s office is always immaculate. From the moment he realised how much Levi struggled with dirt, he organised cleaning crews among the new recruits who are tasked with keeping the HQ in perfect cleanliness. Levi doesn’t kid himself with thinking that Erwin does it for him. He knows there’s a perfectly selfish motivation behind it. If the office wasn’t clean, under no circumstances would Levi take off his clothes – and Erwin likes him without clothes in his office.

“I’ve been itching to rip that cape off you all of yesterday evening,” Erwin growls, his beard stubble catching Levi’s skin as he speaks. “You looked so handsome.”

Levi stifles a sound at the compliment, fingers fisting into Erwin’s shirt. “And I wanted to tie you up with that horrible brown tie you insisted on wearing,” he replies, a little too breathlessly to come out as threateningly as intended.

“I might have let you,” Erwin grins, his blue eyes shining in the twilight of the early evening. Then, without warning, he opens Levi’s trousers, pulling them halfway over his hips; just enough for his hard cock to spring free. “But for now, I’m afraid I have a better use for my hands.”

“Oh?” Levi cocks an eyebrow. “I’m sure you would do just fine if I tied them behind your back.”

Erwin laughs quietly against his neck, sliding one flat palm over Levi’s prick. It’s large, and warm, and calloused, but the pressure is too light to be anything other than a tease. “You’re sure?”

“You’re- arg, creative, aren’t you?” Levi replies, trembling when Erwin swipes his thumb over the head of his cock. He does it once, twice more, and Levi twitches with how good it is.

How can a simple touch be this good?

“Hm, hands behind my back, you said?” Erwin grins, removing his hand from Levi’s cock, putting it at the small of his back.

Levi groans in frustration, tugging at Erwin’s shoulder. “No, you- fuck, bastard. Don’t stop –”

Erwin captures his lips with a kiss before he can curse him even more, and the fabric of his trousers slides slightly over Levi’s cock as he moves with the kiss. It’s enough to elicit a spark of desire, but Levi quickly shifts away.

“Getting you filthy,” Levi mumbles. He’s already wet with the first drops of pre-cum, and he doesn’t want to ruin Erwin’s uniform.

“It can be washed. I have a change of clothes here,” Erwin reassures him, pressing himself close to Levi again. “And there’s a private bathroom just next door. Commander’s privileges.”

“You say the sexiest things,” Levi mutters, and kisses him.

He loves the slight stubble of Erwin’s beard, which means he didn’t manage to shave this morning. It’s a little imperfection only he gets to see and feel. Come morning, Erwin will be clean-shaved and as perfect as ever.

For a moment, they just kiss. Levi could happily just lie there and kiss Erwin for a good long while, but he knows the Commander is a goal-oriented person and he barely lets things slow down when they’ve become so heated. He can be incredibly patient in some matters, can play the long game when it comes to leading the Survey Corps and humanity into a new future, but he’s anything but patient when it comes to sex. So Levi is not surprised when Erwin moves on from Levi’s mouth after only a moment. He skips the neck and kisses a blazing hot trail down Levi’s sternum.

“S-See, no hands needed,” Levi gasps as Erwin finds his nipples, licking and playing with them until Levi is arching upwards, heels banging against the drawers of the sturdy desk in the attempt to find purchase.

Erwin laughs huskily. “May I?” he asks then, glancing up at Levi as he slowly kisses his way down to Levi’s cock.

Levi rolls his eyes. He doesn’t know why Erwin insist on asking when it is pretty fucking obvious how turned on Levi is. “What are you waiting for anyway?”

Erwin smirks. Then, he bows his head and takes Levi into his mouth.

“Fuck,” Levi curses, throwing his arm over his eyes as if to shield himself from the sight of Erwin sucking his cock. It’s too much, too good, too everything.

Erwin’s mouth is hot, and his tongue – God, fuck, his tongue!

His free hand curls around the edge of Erwin’s desk, fingernails digging into the wood. He so desperately wants to curl his fingers into Erwin’s hair, but he’s afraid of using too much strength, of taking control of Erwin’s movement, of choking him.

In the Underground, Levi learned to take. Kenny taught him to fight and to kill and to never give anything back. That was the only way to survival.

But with Erwin, Levi doesn’t want to take. He could flip Erwin around and rip his shirt off and suck bruises into the Commander's skin. He could hold him down and sate his own pleasure and Erwin wouldn’t be able to do a thing.

But Levi doesn’t want to.

What he wants is what Erwin is giving him freely. The kisses and the pleasure, the gentleness and the love bites.

And the thing is, Levi doesn’t need to take. Erwin is giving it all to him, and he doesn’t even make him beg.

So he just lies there, breathless, trembling, while Erwin drives him towards his climax, and fast.

“Erwin,” he warns.

In response, Erwin swirls his tongue around the head of Levi’s cock once, then takes him all the way down and swallows.

Levi comes with a muffled groan, the pressure in his belly exploding outwards. His muscles tense and tremble until they relax into the lovely heaviness of post-orgasm. His lashes flutter, and he relaxes his arms back onto the table.

“Good?” Erwin asks, sounding smug.

“Ng,” Levi hums, trying to summon an ounce of self-control and sit up, but the sudden release of tension after days of being on high alert have managed to knock him out.

“I’ll get you clean, don’t worry,” Erwin says, and Levi really doesn’t know what he did in his life to deserve someone like him.

A moment later, Erwin wipes him down with a cloth and warm water before towelling him dry with one of the fluffier towels reserved for high officers. Gently, Erwin pulls his trousers back up, batting his fingers away when Levi half-heartedly tries to help.

“I can do it,” Levi mumbles, but he doesn’t even manage to open his eyes.

“I know you can. But let me,” Erwin replies quietly. He buttons Levi’s trousers and makes sure the leather straps of his uniform sit correctly.

“T’s nice,” Levi mumbles. “Thank you.”

Erwin pauses, and Levi feels himself grow hot. He shouldn’t have said that. They don’t say this. It feels like offering up his throat, a vulnerability that he will suffer for.

Immediately, he pushes off the table, eyes only half-open and blinded even by the single candle that Erwin lighted. His legs catch him safely like always, and he manages to force himself to stand straight despite the heaviness in his limbs. Suddenly, he’s feeling cold under Erwin’s gaze, and he quickly grabs his shirt, buttoning it up with clumsy fingers.

“It was nice,” Erwin replies carefully.

Levi shrugs without looking at him, pretending to be focused on his top buttons. When he turns to grab his jacket, he finds it gone.

“Here.” Erwin is holding out the jacket for him, and something about the kindness puts Levi's hackles up.

“I can dress myself.”

Erwin's expression softens inexplicably, and he just keeps holding the jacket.

“Tsk.” Scowling, Levi shrugs into the jacket, expecting Erwin to let go. But instead, he pulls Levi closer, into his chest, sliding his arms around Levi from behind.

“What the fuck,” Levi snaps, but he makes no move to free himself. It's nice to be held. If he's being honest, he's dead on his feet, and Erwin holds him up so easily. He slightly turns his head to lean against Erwin's chest, inhaling the spice of his scent and aftershave.

Bit by bit, Levi relaxes again, warm and safe in Erwin's arms. He doesn't want to fight right now. He just wants to be held, be taken care of.

He's never had that. With Kenny, it was fight or die. Yes, he gave him food and taught him to fight but he was never gentle or nice about it.

And his mother, the little that Levi remembers about her… Well, he thinks she tried. But Levi remembers the pangs of hunger more than he remembers the way she tucked him in at night.

It took him a long time to accept gentleness from Erwin. It always feels like weakness to him. To need it. To want it. To enjoy it.

But then he remembers Isabel and her big brother worship of him, the way she nursed that bird back to health with patience and so much heart, and how it never felt wrong to be soft with her, even though they were in the Underground and fighting for survival.

So maybe it's okay to accept a little gentleness from Erwin. Sometimes.

Erwin presses a kiss to Levi’s hair, and it must be the post-orgasm bliss, but something about that makes Levi feel warm all over and his chest tight. Even his throat aches with the feeling, and no matter how much he swallows, it doesn't go away.

Quickly, he frees himself from Erwin's embrace. This is too close to something they are not.

“Do you want something?” he asks bluntly. He's honestly a bit too tired, but getting Erwin off would only be fair.

Erwin's mouth twists downwards for a moment, and Levi can’t help but think that he looks sad. Which is a weird reaction to his question.

“I have some work to finish,” Erwin replies then, glancing at his desk. A slight blush tinges his cheeks as he does so, and Levi knows exactly what he is remembering. “Do you want to use my bathroom to wash?”

“I have access to the officer’s showers,” Levi reminds him.

“Right.” Erwin nods. He turns and walks towards his desk, sitting down on his chair with a sigh. He looks about as tired as Levi feels. “Good night, Levi.”

“You should sleep,” Levi says, throwing his coat back over his shoulders.

“So should you, Captain,” Erwin replies, barely looking up at him as he lights the lamp on his desk, and Levi draws his shoulders up against the cold of his dismissal.

Without another word, he turns around and leaves. Moving is honestly something of a fight against gravity, and he’s tired enough to go immediately to bed and sleep. Since he’s an officer, he has his own room, which still feels like something of a luxury to him.

Yet, his steps carry him down to the mess hall. They arrived too late for dinner, and while Levi doesn’t mind a skipped meal much, Erwin should eat something if he stays up half the night working.

He ignores Hange’s excited waving as they spot him and goes right to the cook, ordering a plate for Erwin. It’s not the first time this has happened, so the man just nods and throws an apple to Levi.

“Here you go, Captain. I know you won’t take a plate. At least take this.”

“Thank you,” Levi replies sincerely, turning the apple around a few times in his hands before he takes a bite. It’s juicy and sweet, the taste exploding on his tongue.

He knows he has about four seconds before Hange will stand up and ask him questions about the trip, so he slips behind a group of recruits and out of the door. He manages to reach the showers without getting accosted by Hange or anyone else.

Standing there with the warm water raining down on him, he closes his eyes and leans his forehead against the wet tiles.

“No regrets,” he whispers.

One week later, an invitation for the yearly hunt arrives.