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Tails has always been lonely. Apart of him loved it; being left to his own devices in a quiet room always leads to his best ideas and sometimes the serenity of laying in bed alone at night is exactly what he needs after a long, exhausting day.
If he's ever asked how he feels about being left alone, he'll always have that answer on his tongue. It is true and it's well known among his friends that he is an awful liar so they won't be questioning it.
However, a small part of him which he tries to bury deep, deep down in the darkest corners of his mind hates being alone. That silence leaves him completely alone with his thoughts and sure, some of them are the smart, brainy stuff he's known for but the majority of them are thoughts he attempts to hide. He knows that a lot of kids his age struggle with thoughts of something hidden in the dark. However, he isn't one of them, the absence of light isn't anything to be scared of. A lot of them picture a monster or vampire, the monsters in the dark for him aren't hidden in his closet or under his bed. They're laying in his mind, waiting for the right moment to pop out and tell him just how pathetic he really is.
Of course, there's always the issue that when he's alone he immediately goes into fight or flight mode. Who knew that spending the most impressionable years of your life alone and being pretty much hunted for sport would cause a slightly iffy reaction to being left with no one but yourself, even just for a few minutes.
That all changed after he met Sonic though. The blue hedgehog came speeding into his life and never looked back which was such an insane thing for the kit to think about. Tails overthinks like it's his full time job so the way Sonic didn't think twice about practically adopting some random kid will never not be weird, especially since it's Tails of all kids. A lot of people say he and the hedgehog are similar but he doesn't think so, Sonic is so cool and fast and he's just some kid that follows him around.
Doesn't matter, now's not the time to think like that. Those thoughts only happen when he's completely alone.
But, if that stuff only happens when he's alone, why is the fur on the back of his neck sticking up and why his stupid, annoying brain reminding him of just how alone he feels? That shouldn't be happening right now.
The whole crew had surprised Cream with a party for her seventh birthday and to say that she was happy was an understatement. She was practically giddy, running around with Charmy and saying thank you about a billion times at this point.
The young kids in Cream's class were all outside, running and screaming as if they were being attacked and playing all the party games Tails has never tried. The slightly older ones (Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, the whole gang) were in the Rabbit's kitchen messing around and having a great time with each other. Tails wasn't with either group; he was sitting on the porch swing, trying to hold in the tears that had no right to be there in the first place.
Burying his face in his knees, he took a deep breath to steady himself, he isn't alone, why is he feeling alone thoughts? Well, he isn't really alone, the kids —who had somehow obtained water guns— were never gone for too long but their high-pitched screams hurt his ears and he doesn't really understand what they love so much about spraying water on each other. Maybe he's just stupid but that doesn't sound fun in the slightest. Being wet makes his fur stick to him and it gets too cold. Plus, he didn't recognise the face of at least seven of those kids and meeting people makes him feel sick.
Of course, he cold go inside, Sonic and all his other friends were in there doing who knows what. They could just be talking but knowing what they're like, it's probably way more chaotic in there. He doesn't know if he can deal with chaos right now. Flicking his ear in the direction of the kitchen, he can vaguely hear Sonic yelling about Espio cheating so they're probably playing some game. His head hurt too much at the prospect right now and they probably think he's having the time of his life out here.
What's wrong with him? Why does he constantly have to be the problem? Why can't he have his group instead of being all sad and lonely in the middle? But, no matter how much he wants to feel included, he would feel like an imposter on either side and just doesn't have the mental energy to do that right now. Of course, he could just go find a quiet spot and work on one of his inventions but something tells him Sonic wouldn't be too happy with that. The hedgehog is always pushing him to do dumb stuff like go meet people but the kit would far rather stay at the workshop and upgrade the tornado.
Maybe he could just go home? Message Sonic —he'll be too busy to notice— and fly back to the workshop. He wouldn't be in trouble because he did technically tell the hedgehog so there wouldn't be a justifiable reason for a lecture and he could get more work done.
But just as he lifts his head off of his knees and lifts the communicator strapped to his wrist, Vanilla's voice calls out through the backdoor "Kids! Come in for cake!"
Tails has never been one for cake, he was an ice cream guy (specifically mint) through and through but if he doesn't come in then someone's bound to realise that something's wrong and come check on him which he really couldn't be bothered with right now so he begrudgingly lifts himself from the swing and goes directly through the front door, directing his way to the kitchen.
He could hear the chatter coming from the kitchen and it was really hurting his head so he took a quick turn into the bathroom to mentally ready himself and get rid of those stupid red rims under his eyes that always seem to want to out him for being sad.
After taking a final stop outside the kitchen door, he took in a deep breath and wiped his eyes one final time. Why's it so hard for him to go into the kitchen like a normal mobian and enjoy this party that's been so lovingly put to together by all his best friends? Trying to push that thought down, he finally pushed the door open.
Sonic gives him a smile and wave as he walks in which is reciprocated (despite not being a good actor, Tails certainly can duplicate someone's action and does some pretty show-stopping impressions) but except for that, no one notices the foxes entrance which doesn't surprise him in the slightest, he's pretty good at making himself appear invisible.
Well, Vanilla did shoot a look in his direction with an odd expression on her face but that was probably just from hearing the door swing open and not expecting anyone to come in that way.
The whole 'cake' thing goes by in a blur. Sonic tries to make Tails' birthdays as special as he can but the most he's ever really gotten was a new screwdriver (which he is always grateful for) and a cheap candle stuck into a chilly dog and a scope of mint chocolate chip ice cream on the side. This isn't to be misinterpreted as Tails not liking his birthday, Sonic always goes out of his way to make it feel special with just the two of them and he does the same for the hedgehog but he's never really had a big party with kids his age. When most kids his age meet him, they just complain that he's boring and go over to anyone else. Well other than Charmy and Cream who are really nice to him but he doesn't really 'get' them like they get each other.
He watches as Creams face lights up when they bring the cake out, the single candle on top filling the room with a dim cosy glow. He's pretty sure he sang along to the song or maybe he was just too fascinated by the flickering light of the candle as it danced through the darkness, illuminating peoples faces as it made it's way across the room. He must've been in some sort of trance because when the candle was finally extinguished and the big, overhead lights flicked on, he physically jumped out of his skin and grabbed onto the nearest person possible which just so happened to be Vanilla.
"You okay, Sweetie?" She asked with her brow creased in concern.
Tails took a second to regain his thoughts before answering "Oh- um... yeah! Yeah, I'm good"
She paused for a second, looking at him with a calculated look before getting quickly distracted by the younger rabbit throwing herself into her mothers arms in a bone-crushing hug.
Tails used that as his opportunity to slip away. He didn't like eating anything when he had this weird pit in his stomach and especially not something as sweet as the strawberry and vanilla swirl cake Amy had baked for the event. He's sure it's amazing —this is Amy were talking about, she's a phenomenal baker—but he wouldn't be able to stomach it and end up making a scene.
He let out a breath he wasn't even holding once he got back out to the peace and quiet of the outside world, he liked when quiet was like this, not him alone in his bed in the eery quiet but out here where he can hear the flickies chirping and singing their songs to each other. Where he can appreciate the silent gusts of wind make the slightly overgrown blades of grass dance in the breeze ever so gently. He liked it.
He just basked in the quietness for who knows how long before being alarmingly interrupted by a hand pushing itself of his shoulder as a stampede of kids came hurdling out of the house, somehow still having plenty of energy to spare despite being on a rampage all day.
Rubbing his shoulder gently and mumbling annoyedly to himself, he went back to sit on the porch swing that had become his home base during his time here. Pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his muzzle in them so that only his eyes were peaking out just in case someone was going to try and catch him off guard. He can never be too careful.
After about twenty minutes, he started to calm down slightly, he tried his best to occupy his mind with more important things but those 'monster under the bed' thoughts were starting to sneak up on him no matter how much he tried to supress them.
Just when his eyes started to accumulate tears in the corners of them, he was caught off guard by a slightly muted voice behind him and practically jumped out of his skin, reaching his claws into the fabric to find solid ground.
"Sweetie, I think you need to lie down for a bit. You're awful jumpy" Vanilla's stood behind in the grass with a small smile on her face. She slowly walked down and sat beside the fox on the bench as he calmed down.
After a beat of silence, Tails said "Oh yeah, sorry. I've just been a bit off today" with a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck in an attempt to discreetly push his fur down.
"It's okay" She said, placing a hand on his shoulder "But are you sure that's it? You haven't been playing with the other kids at all" After a brief pause she said "I'm assuming you already run around, trying to get away from stuff enough"
Well, she hit the nail right on the head. Tails didn't even though that that nail was there to begin with. "Uh, yeah... running and hiding isn't really associated with a lot of positive things in my mind"
...And he's said too much. He could tell by the slight shift in her posture and how her eyes hardened slightly. Vanilla didn't like in the slightest just how involved Tails, Cream and Charmy were when it came to fighting Eggman and far more formidable threats. However, she still let's Cream go because she knows just how much adventuring means to the rabbit. But just because she allows it, doesn't mean she doesn't have serious grievances with it.
She took a deep breath in to compose herself "Well, you've been doing this for three...? Four years now? I'm sure you know what you're doing"
"Yep" The kit answered a little too cheerfully. His ears were pushed back against his head and his namesakes were twisting round each other nervously. Sure it's been a bit more than four years but she doesn't need to know about all that stuff. From her unimpressed look, he could tell that she could see right through him but prayed to whatever God Sonic hasn't destroyed yet that she wouldn't bring it up.
"Do you want to have a little lie down, honey? Clear your head a little bit" Well he wasn't expecting that. A part of him wanted to say yes but the monster under the bed was always at it's worst when he tries to sleep so maybe it would be better to just pull a few all nighters while hyperfixating on a project and then conk out at his workbench.
Seeing his hesitance, Vanilla added "I could put on music or rain sounds or whatever you like to distract you if you're scared of something"
How did she just-? He's never really tried to put on something to distract himself. Usually the sound of Sonic snoring —which he absolutely DOES do no matter how much he denies it— is enough to distract him on the not-so-bad nights but seeing as he sincerely doubts Sonic will be falling asleep here and that today has been a pretty heavy day with these thoughts, maybe putting something in the back round could be a handy distraction.
"Uhm... okay" He said as Vanilla took his hand and gently guided him to the guest bedroom through an empty route. It was a nice enough room. Cream carpet, painted walls and a big, comfy-looking bed in the middle. Basic but cosy with a little lamp above it.
Tails climbed into the bed and scrolled through his communicator for a bit before clicking on a video of a really cool cat mobian (not as cool as Sonic but she's getting up there) explaining biomechanics thoroughly and shifted under the covers, lying down in the thick sheets.
Vanilla gave a fond, almost amused smile and sat just below his feet at the end of the bed. She reached forward and scratched behind his ear for a second before asking "Lamp on or off?"
Now, as previously mentioned, Tails isn't afraid of the dark or what could be hiding in it. It's a childish fear that has no logic behind it at all. But... a small part of him —maybe the toddler on Westside island or the little boy who still trailed behind Sonic like a lost puppy— begged him to leave the lights on. What if Eggman had trapped rigged up under the bed. You can never be too careful.
"On, please"
So with that, she slowly got up, shut off the big light and lightly shut the door behind her. Leaving the small fox to sit in the darkness of isolation once again but this time it didn't feel like that sad loneliness. Sure, it was melancholic but it was sweet and with the sound of the biomechanics in the back round, it really didn't take much for him to drift off. Having his first sleep in years where he hasn't been attacked by the monster under his bed.