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Buck had stayed the night for the sixth night in a row. Honestly, it had become quite a problem because he was having a tough time coming up with excuses or a reason to leave. He couldn’t blame it on laundry, no, he had been helping Eddie with theirs for weeks. He couldn’t blame it on the need to clear rotten food out of the fridge; he hadn’t bought groceries for the loft in weeks. It had started when Eddie took him out on their first date.
He would love actually to blame it all on Eddie, but he could have left at any time. He hadn’t wanted to, and really, he didn’t want to leave now, but he knew he needed to back off a little bit. He needed to make sure he didn’t overstay his welcome.
Buck and Eddie were taking things slowly. They hadn’t actually discussed it, but they hadn’t moved past kissing. He told himself that this was their first relationship with a man, and they were scared, and for him, it was mostly true. He was scared, but it had nothing to do with the fact that Eddie was a man. No, he was worried about his second job, his dark passenger, and all the other ways he could ruin this. He couldn’t afford to ruin the best relationship in his life before it had even begun. He didn’t want to buck it all up.
The morning had started like many had before. They moved around each other as they got ready for work. Chris hadn’t woken up yet, but neither had the sun. Carla was already in the kitchen, sipping on coffee that Eddie had made before he got into the shower. It was normal, typical, and that was the problem. Buck had ingrained himself so far into the Diaz household that he didn’t know how to step back.
Buck stood at the sink, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand, looking out the window, but not really seeing anything. He felt warm fingers dance across his shoulders before scruffing the back of his hair. “What’cha thinking about?” Eddie whispered to him as their bodies brushed together.
Buck had no filter; it was too early, and Eddie was so warm. “Trying to think of an excuse to go home.” He didn’t even like the way the words tasted on his tongue. It made him cringe as his belly twisted.
Eddie hummed, his chin brushing the top of Buck’s shoulder. “Do you want to leave?”
“No,” Buck said, before he could even think about it. He sighed, putting his mug down before turning to look at Eddie. He licked his lips, noticing that Carla had left them alone at some point. “No, I don’t want to go anywhere, but I should.”
“Well, if you don’t want to go,” Eddie leaned into him, their noses almost brushing. “And I don’t want you to go. Why should you?”
“You will eventually, and I want to drag this out as long as I can.” Buck looked at Eddie, waiting for the words to land. They both knew that Buck was a lot to handle, and Eddie would be begging him to leave at some point. “I’m not a good roommate.”
Eddie scoffed. “Not a good roommate?” Buck knew that it hadn’t been a good argument, not really. “You cook, clean, and do laundry, come on, Buckley, you can do better than that.”
“Am I your housewife?” Buck said it as a joke, a laugh caught in the back of his throat as Eddie tilted his head.
“I think you should move in first.” Eddie said it, taking a step back to plop down on the kitchen chair and pull on his boots.
Buck frowned, his heart racing in his chest. He knew it wasn’t a joke. Eddie wouldn’t do that to him, he knew that. He knew that Eddie wouldn’t fuck with him like that, but— “Are you fucking with me?”
Eddie sighed, leaning back in his chair. “No.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “No, I think you should move in.”
“You want me—” Buck motioned to himself. “To move in here with you and Chris?”
Eddie couldn’t hold back his little chuckle, his tongue dipping out to brush his bottom lip. “Yes, I want you, with your loud snoring and constantly open cabinets, to move in. Officially.”
Buck looked around, frowning at the fact that yes, every single cabinet was open, and even a few drawers. “You know if I can’t see it, I forget it’s there.” Buck moved through the kitchen, shutting everything.
“I’ll buy a label maker.” Eddie stood up, groaning as his knees popped.
“Sure, old man.” Buck frowned. “But labels would not make things any easier. I won’t read them, and if they aren’t perfect, I will not have a good day.” Buck shook his head, following Eddie to his truck. “Don’t you think it’s too soon for that?”
They were mostly silent as they got into the truck, pulling on their seatbelts. Eddie started the engine, shifting them into reverse, putting his hand on the headrest of Buck’s seat before he turned to look behind them. “If you don’t want to move in, you don’t have to,” Eddie murmured, and Buck’s heart jolted.
“No, I do, I just don’t want to fuck this up.”
They were out on the open road, Eddie’s eyes fixed on the asphalt before them. “Just think about it.” He reached out with his free hand and cradled one of Buck’s before letting them lapse into silence. He would think about it because there wasn’t much else that he could think about.
Eddie didn’t bring it up again, and Buck could not be more glad for it. He didn’t want to tell Eddie no again because he knew it would hurt him, but the more he thought about it, there was no way they could live together. He was so many things, and they all added up to something, but a live-in partner wasn’t it. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bring whatever taint he carried into the Diaz house permanently. He would ruin them, and he had already spent too much time there.
Buck was sad; there was no way about it, but he did get a ping from one of those forums he put so much care into cultivating. It was a host of internet sleuths who loved to share all of the cases they solved, but the cops either couldn’t or wouldn’t help with. He didn’t make the forum, but he had worked really hard to make sure that he saw everything and that it could not be traced back to him. It was one of the most genius things he had ever been a part of.
But that brought him back to it. The Ping, the thing that pulled his mind off of Eddie. There was a man just outside of LA, and there was a history of pain and death that followed him. He was supposed to be a teacher, but the kids in his care always ended up hurt. One had even died. Buck looked at the pictures of the victims, looking at the hell that the monster brought to the children.
Buck felt his blood pressure rise. The one who died was the same age as Chris; she had cerebral palsy. Buck knew by the end of the week, he might never get to see Chris again if he broke his dad’s heart, but he couldn’t let this stand. He couldn’t let this monster live. He was distracted for the remainder of the shift, but it was okay. He had other things he needed to do. He needed to protect Chris.
He was in a blur, that daze that he dipped into when he was hunting. He needed to find his target, he needed to track him down, and plan his downfall. He needed to set up a kill room, and with all that planning, he didn’t have much room left in his brain to think about how he was going to lose Eddie and Chris at the end of it. He could put off being sad for a little while as he floated in a haze of anger.
Eddie hadn’t said a word to him on the drive back home, and that in itself was strange, but Buck couldn’t think about it. He could feel Eddie’s eyes on him as he kept his phone in front of his face, double-checking the sources from the forums. He needed to be sure this guy was guilty before he gutted him like a fish, and from what he had seen, Buck was itching for it. Eddie didn’t say anything when Buck didn’t go into the house. He didn’t even look surprised as Buck left in his Jeep without saying anything.
Eddie did text him, though – Be careful ❤
It was almost enough to make Buck sick to his stomach. Eddie thought he was running, that he was avoiding the conversation about moving in, and he didn’t deserve that, but this fuck didn’t deserve to live.
In the end, it had been easy to confirm the sources, locate the target, and choose a kill room. In all honesty, Buck loved Athena, but the cops had fumbled this so badly. They had caused that little girl’s death. They had let an abuser go unchecked for years. He couldn’t wait to get the target on his table.
Getting him was easier than it should have been. As someone who hurts children, someone who tried to be a predator, he hadn’t seen someone smarter and stronger coming after him. The needle slipped into the target's neck before Buck had been spotted. He was able to drag the limp body to his Jeep, heaving it into the back without much trouble.
Buck looked around as he got back into his Jeep, just double-checking that he hadn’t been seen before he took off. He had chosen the best kill room, and he kind of hoped the target would get the intent, but you never know with monsters. The school had been abandoned for a few years, and there were no cameras on the premises. Buck had taken the time to go room by room to make sure it was all secure.
He wrapped a small room in plastic; it might not have even been a classroom, maybe just an office, but the point still stood. He had posted children’s artwork and the ABCs just so the target would understand. He would see the innocence. He would look at the hanging pictures of his victims and see what he had done.
Once the target was strapped in, his body trapped and unable to go anywhere, Buck sat in the spinning chair next to the table. He twirled around, looking over the room one more time. It was perfect. Well, it was as perfect as it could be in a world where a teacher hurts special needs children. He snapped the smelling salts under the target’s nose, jolting him awake.
“What—” the target looked around the room, not able to process what he was seeing. “Where am I?” His nose scrunched up, and he jerked at his arms trying to free himself. “What the fuck?” He was screaming.
Buck sat in silence, watching the target come to whatever conclusions he could before he descended into animal urges to flee. Not that he would be able to get away. Buck’s apron squeaked as he leaned back in the chair, pulling attention to him.
“Who the fuck are you?” The target thrashed, the straps cutting into him harshly.
Buck shrugged. “No one important, but her,” he pointed to the hanging picture of the little girl who had lost her life. “She was important. She deserved to live her life.”
He kept struggling, fighting as he scoffed. “I don’t have time for this shit.”
Buck rushed forward, pushing to his feet to press his knife into the hollow of the target’s throat. “I’ve given you the time you deserve.” The blade rose and fell as he swallowed the lump in his throat. “Don’t you think you should look at her—apologize to her?”
“It—it was an accident. I swear.” He was trying to pull back from the sharp edge of the blade, but he couldn’t melt into the table.
Buck’s hand jerked, carving into his neck before pulling away as blood welled and dripped onto the table. “What about the others? Did you accidentally break their limbs?”
“You’re fucking crazy!” He started to scream, thrashing and fighting his bindings.
Buck just sighed. “You monsters never get it. You can’t see it,” he shrugged. “Oh well,” He buried the knife into the target’s chest, pulling it before sitting back down as the target gasped his last breaths. The wheels of the rolling chair squealed as Buck pushed away. Another monster was gone, but Buck didn’t feel like celebrating. He had to go home and break up with his boyfriend after just a few dates and a request to live together.
It was the middle of the night before Buck had made it back to the house. He was praying to a God he wasn’t sure existed that Eddie would be asleep, and he would get one more morning with the family that he wanted. He slipped in, sweat drying on his skin, but he couldn’t afford to start the shower and risk waking Eddie. He kicked off his shoes, tiptoeing into the living room just to be startled by Eddie sitting up and waiting for him.
“I was wondering if you’d make it tonight.” Eddie said, his voice barely above a whisper as the moon shone through the blinds. They would have to be quiet so they didn’t wake up Chris.
Buck cleaned his hands as his shoulders came up. “I’m sorry.”
He was met by a hum, but he couldn’t look at Eddie. He couldn’t look at the disappointment on his face and know that he put it there. “Buck—” Eddie started, but he had to cut him off.
Buck looked up at him, tears already in his eyes. “I can’t live with you. I can’t. I am such—Eddie, you don’t know. You can’t know, and I can’t live with you.” Buck couldn’t stop the tears, a sob bubbling in the back of his throat.
“Come’re,” Eddie patted the seat next to him, urging Buck to sit next to him, and Buck was a weak man. He wanted to bask in Eddie’s warmth even if it was the last time.
Buck sat next to him, but they weren’t touching. Buck didn’t know if he was allowed to press against him, to hold him tight as they were breaking up. Eddie had no such qualms, though. He pulled Buck close, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.
“Why don’t you think you deserve this?” Eddie whispered into his hair.
“I’m not a good guy. You don’t know.” It was easier for him to say when his face was buried in Eddie’s shoulder.
“You can tell me anything.” Eddie’s hand was rubbing Buck’s arm, trying to calm him before he slipped into panic.
“I can’t,” Buck sobbed. “I can’t.”
The room fell silent. Buck sniffled in time with the old clock on the wall. He was waiting for Eddie to ask him to leave, to realize he had made a mistake by starting anything with Buck. “Where were you tonight?”
“I can’t,” Buck cried, sitting up to look at Eddie.
Eddie took a deep breath, his lungs expanding as he forced oxygen into them. He exhaled, the air wooshing steadily as he tried to calm his heart rate. “Buck—” Eddie started, but he stopped to take another breath.
Buck couldn’t imagine what Eddie was having to build himself up for, but he knew it had to be bad.
“Evan, I know.” Eddie said, and everything came to a screeching halt.
Buck had to imagine that if he were a computer, his screen would have frozen, the porn pop-up would be half-loaded and pixelated, as a huge buffering sign looked like it was supposed to be spinning, but it wasn’t. Then the blue screen of death. That was it. He was dead. This was his hell or something, that would be the only explanation. “No,” Buck said, shaking his head.
“Baby.” Oh, god, his heart fluttered at the term. “You are so smart and so careful, but I know.”
“No,” Buck was so close to giving himself whiplash. “That’s not—no.” He laughed. “You’re—no.”
“The person you killed tonight, did they deserve it?” Eddie said it with a straight face, as if he hadn’t just spoken it out loud. Like he hadn’t just called Buck a murderer. He was, but holy fucking shit. Eddie’s face hadn’t even budged.
What happens after the blue screen of death? Was it just a black screen? Nothing at all? Maybe it catches on fire, and then someone would come by and piss on the ashes. That seemed about right.
“Breathe,” Eddie instructed, and Buck sucked in a gasping breath, cutting up his convulsing throat. “You can do it.”
Eddie led him through a few standard breathing repetitions as his heart slowed down. Buck licked his lips before nibbling on the bottom to pull free a piece of loose skin. He looked at Eddie again, seeing how calm he was, and Buck knew he could admit it. He could tell Eddie because Eddie already knew, and he wasn’t scared or mad.
“He killed an eleven-year-old girl. He broke her legs and left her for dead.” Buck said it, pulling his shoulders and sitting back. “He hurt so many other children, but he killed her.”
Eddie’s body clenched, and Buck almost thought it was directed at him, but Eddie grabbed his hand, squeezing it. Then he looked at Buck’s lips. “And you—”
Buck licked his lips, watching Eddie’s eyes track the movement. “I?”
Eddie’s gaze shifted back to Buck’s eyes. “And you killed him.” He pressed a soft kiss to Buck’s lips. “I know who you are.” He whispered before kissing him again. “And I want you to live with us.” He pressed closer so they were chest to chest. “Please say yes.” He deepened the kiss, their tongues dancing between them.
Buck pulled back, their foreheads resting together. “We haven’t even shared a bed yet.” He nipped Eddie’s bottom lip, worrying the flesh between his teeth. “I haven’t been able to taste you yet?”
Eddie pulled back, standing suddenly. He grabbed Buck’s hand to pull him to his feet. “Then come on.”
Buck got to his feet, wrapping his hands around Eddie’s hips and kissing his neck as they moved towards the bedroom.
Eddie kicked the door closed behind them, and they stood toe to toe next to the bed. “Spend the night with me, and tomorrow we’ll start moving you in.”
Buck yanked his shirt over his head. “Yes, sir.”