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Asahina Mafuyu has been standing in the shower for well over twenty minutes. The water had gone from slightly warm to freezing cold a few minutes ago, yet Mafuyu could not bring herself to move. Had she been at home her mother’s house, she would have likely been lightly scolded the minute she stepped out of the bathroom. Mafuyu, dear, I’m sure you’re tired, but please try to shower a little quicker, okay? I’m sure you’ve got a lot of work to do, and I’d hate for you to not have enough time to finish it all.
Her mother cared deeply for her, right? Why else would she smile and remind Mafuyu of what she should be doing? Mafuyu knew she was fortunate; neither of her parents would ever hit her or scream at her for a mistake, no matter how big or small. And yet, when Mafuyu would eventually step out of the bathroom (because she would have to step out at some point, even if she wished to become one with the water and disappear down the drain forever), it would not be her mother standing in the hall to talk to her, but Kanade.
Mafuyu wanted to cry. Or scream. All she could do was stand. The cold water continued to hit her body, more painful around the top of her thighs where red lines had once bloomed so easily.
Doing something would be helpful. The grime in her hair and on her body and in her mind wouldn’t go away with just some water, after all. She couldn’t disagree with the fact that showering, actually showering, not just standing like a statue in the shower, would leave her feeling much cleaner and fresher.
No matter how logical it seemed in her mind, Mafuyu couldn’t do it. The sole act of twitching her finger was nigh impossible; moving her arm felt like she was tasked with holding up the skies, the weight of the world resting solely on her shoulders. The marionette strings had been cut from her limbs, but at what cost? She couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t feel. Maybe she should go back. Hiding under a mask was difficult, but surely she could handle it if it meant she could just move.
By some miracle, there was a knock on the bathroom door. Mafuyu could feel herself tense up and involuntarily gasped, everything flooding her senses all at once. Kanade’s voice came from behind the door, concerned but utterly incoherent in her mind. The water falling from the showerhead felt less like water and more like ice, forcing her to shiver as it hit against her skin. Kanade’s voice again. The lights were obnoxiously bright, and the bulb closer to the door was just barely flickering. Kanade’s voice again, gentle and warm and just understandable enough for Mafuyu to know that she was asking if Mafuyu was okay. She responded. Her voice barely felt like her own, and distantly, Mafuyu wondered if she was hiding behind her persona again.
She was just so tired.
Her body seemed to move on its own now, haphazardly scrubbing her hair and skin with the soap Kanade had provided. The icy water was shut off, the towel hurriedly used, and borrowed clothes put on that were just slightly too small. The bathroom itself felt freezing, the cold tiles under her feet sapping the little warmth she still had from her trembling body. Mafuyu found herself overwhelmed with the pure sensation of wanting Kanade — craving the comforting hand that had been placed on her back as Kanade held her tight and promised to never let her go.
It was nauseating, having to feel so much.
One hand on the cold, brassy handle. Five steps out the bathroom until the tile changed to wood underneath her feet. Ten seconds for her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the hall and find Kanade sitting on the living room couch. Only an instant for Kanade to look up and appear at Mafuyu’s side, linking their hands together and pulling her to the couch. Kanade’s hand was deathly cold; colder than the tiles of the bathroom floor, colder than the frigid water in the shower, and colder than when she had sprinted out the door of her house and left her mother behind. It didn’t matter, because the warmth that came with Kanade overpowered her physical coldness. It lingered even when Kanade pulled away, pulling a hair dryer out of a random drawer before sitting behind Mafuyu.
Neither of them spoke. The silence, if it could even be called that with the hair dryer loudly whirring in her ear, was comfortable. Her shivers died down, and she allowed herself to sink into the feeling of Kanade drying her hair. Mafuyu hoped Kanade thought it was comfortable too. Even if Kanade did want to talk, Mafuyu wasn’t sure she could; the words seemed to clump together in her throat and stubbornly refused to come out. It was ironic, really — hundreds of thousands of words written throughout her lifetime for lyrics, messages, and essays, and she was unable to start a basic conversation.
Kanade didn’t seem to mind, at least, if her own silence meant anything. The hair dryer was turned off, Mafuyu’s hair thoroughly dried. Kanade’s hands were carding through her hair now, smoothing it out and gently detangling any knots that were found. Mafuyu closed her eyes and leaned into it. A small part of Mafuyu’s mind wanted this to become normal, something that happened every day without having to ask because it was Kanade and she always understood so well. The more rational part of herself knew this was only temporary.
“Mafuyu, do you want to go to sleep? I’m sure you’re tired after everything that's happened today,” Kanade whispered, her hands returning to her lap. Mafuyu nodded, although she couldn’t help but miss the warmth a little.
Kanade moved to stand in front of her, holding out a hand for her to take. Mafuyu appreciated the gesture, even if she had mostly pulled herself out of her seated position, for it meant that she had an excuse to hold Kanade’s hand again. Together, they walked towards Kanade’s room, where she apologized for the mess that Mafuyu couldn’t have cared less about.
Kanade’s hands tried to tug out Mafuyu’s grasp the second she sat down on the bed. Mafuyu only tightened her hold.
“Stay?” Mafuyu managed to force the word out of her throat. She knew she sounded pathetic, and anybody else would have likely scoffed and left her to her own devices, but she just couldn’t imagine sleeping through the entire night alone. Surely Kanade would understand more than other people, right?
A look of protest flashed across Kanade’s face, quickly transforming into resignation and acceptance. Now, instead of trying to move away like she had just a few moments ago, she moved in closer, sitting just beside Mafuyu with their hands still linked. She felt… something spark in her chest; a sense of achievement, maybe? It felt nothing like when she aced a test or helped a classmate with their homework, but those things seemed to pale in comparison to being able to feel the warmth emanating off Kanade and imbuing itself into Mafuyu.
She was quick to lay down, Kanade following suit. The bed was small and definitely not built to support two teenage girls trying to sleep at the same time, but they managed to make it work. Mafuyu was sure she could make anything work if Kanade was by her side when she did it. Their hands were still intertwined, stuck between their two bodies as Kanade’s thumb rubbed imperfect little circles into her skin. Kanade's free hand made its way to Mafuyu’s hair again, the soft touch causing her eyes to flutter shut. She should probably get up and find a spare toothbrush to brush her teeth with, but her body refused to move. Her limbs felt heavy once more, the fatigue finally starting to fully set in.
Asahina Mafuyu was much more tired than she thought she was.