Work Text:
u/sisterofthought [MOD] posted [UPDATE] New rules for daily off topic thread on r/indieheads:
Hey everybody. After a long conversation with the rest of the mod team, we are announcing stricter moderation guidelines for the daily off topic thread. It is a place supposed to be a place for discussion NOT antagonization. The incidents last thursday forced everyone on the mod team to sit back and assess what we wanted this reddit to be for people. Vitriolic hate and threats of violence have no place here and we will be enforcing rules to ensure that to be the fact. So, please keep these following facts in mind.
- Discussion of sports is still allowed but will be closely monitored.
- Threats of finding and hurting others over sporting events will be deleted and you will be banned. [Can’t believe this one has to be stated]
- Fake listings posted in our weekly gear thread will be found and deleted.
- If you are caught having used said fake listing to obtain redditors home addresses or other identifying information in order to threaten over said sporting events. You will be banned. [Flipping ‘eck, just disappointing behavior]
- Due to an influx of discussion of it there will be a separate thread made about swapping or selling tickets for The Strokes tour.
- If you are caught trying to dox people in the new The Strokes Tour thread to continue arguments about sporting events you will be banned.
Let's all work together and keep this the like-minded and kind community I know it is, so we can all get back to doing what we all love most: talking about music!
u/thismustbethestrangefishes commented:
lol what a joke unmod u/MCFCNG it was all his fucking fault anyways he was the one instigating in the thread
u/quonkadid replied:
Not even really a mod team anymore just sisterofthought and him, the rest all basically inactive. And the MCFCNG guy is top mod so it's not like he can be kicked.
u/flipturned replied:
that guy is such a dickhead. said i didn’t like the las once and he called me a “fat fucking numpty with nothing going on in life.”
cant lie the low moderation generally gives this place a good vibe. just cant click any link in here phishing scam 100% of the time.
u/sisterofthought [MOD] replied:
We are working on the link thing!!
20:56
(20:56) w.jp.gallagherx: bro
(20:56) w.jp.gallagherx: hes holdin my stuff captive like a fuckin pirate
(20:57) w.jp.gallagherx: in iceland getting passed around like a geeks bar while three peaces of godlike RARE Beatles memorabilia are trapped in his flat
(20:58) w.jp.gallagherx: bumbaclot
10:34
(10:34) w.jp.gallagherx: u need to email this guy
(10:34) w.jp.gallagherx: [email protected]
(10:34) w.jp.gallagherx: and also find my stuff
16:14
(16:14) g.noely: What the fuck are you on about
(16:14) g.noely: how about you fucking do it you div
(16:34) w.jp.gallagherx: whatttt
(16:34) w.jp.gallagherx: cmon
(16:35) w.jp.gallagherx: im at mams for SUPPORT u cunt and all the shite is in ldn
(16:35) w.jp.gallagherx: oblong fucking dickhead still slutting it up in greenland n this is the only bloke who gets shit to him
(16:36) w.jp.gallagherx: they write letters or some shite
(16:36) w.jp.gallagherx: he dont have insta or snap so i cant ask
(16:37) g.noely: you dont have an email?
(16:37) g.noely: you’re 23 mate
(16:39) w.jp.gallagherx: man is bare judgey
(16:40) w.jp.gallagherx: damons gay friend told me mate its the only way
(16:40) w.jp.gallagherx: axel
(16:41) w.jp.gallagherx: mate i need my stuff i would do it if i wasnt in manchester
(16:41) w.jp.gallagherx: its making me nervous
(16:42) w.jp.gallagherx: got my records and headphones
(16:42) w.jp.gallagherx: pleaseeeee
(17:10) g.noely: how do you play fortnite so much if you dont have an email
18:30
(18:30) w.jp.gallagherx: thats the thing the bellends got the paper with my login so idk
from:[email protected]
subject:my brothers stuff
Hey
apparently you know damon? the bloke who just broke up with my brother (he sounded like a real annoying cunt so apologies). rkids pissing himself cuz he had no idea where any of his shite from damons flat is and youre mates busy getting bummed in austria or something. get in contact with him for me and ask so i cant pick it up. liam doesnt live in london anymore.
thanks.
Noel
u/MCFCNG [MOD] commented:
what kind of absolute divvy fag doesnt like age of adz? is youre brain fuckin liquid? the rest of his whiny discog of funeral dirges can be thrown in the bin but fuckin age of adz?
u/pillelverum replied:
Fuck you dude and your whole Steve Albini thing. The lofi soundscapes Carrie and Lowell beat everything on age of adz, just a completely overdone record.
Real cool a mod can act like this BTW
u/MCFCNG [MOD] replied:
Ill find what ever dingy little HMV you work at and batter u until ur eyes bleed
(4:12) g (sisterofthought) is typing…
(4:12) g (sisterofthought) you cant say that to people
(4:12) g (sisterofthought) flipping hell are you mentally deficent? do you understand how much shame it brings to the sub if you go around with the mod badge telling people YOU ARE GOING TO SMASH THEIR TEETH IN????
(4:13) g (sisterofthought) we are a bastion of music discussion in an era of anti intellectualism and commercialized sterile sexless faux art. you are destroying it. But no keep doing it and acting like a complete flipping brainless chav.
The room was dark except for the soft glow of Graham’s computer monitor. The white light illuminated shards of his messy room and the folds of his leg, which was tucked up tight and close to his body. His head still hurt from the static buzz of a ton of JD and the noise from the pub he had slipped away from hours ago. Ever pushy, Alex, the right bastard, convinced him to go out despite his terrible friends and poor taste.
Boards of Canada murmured out of the speakers. Furiously, his fingers danced across the keyboard as his eyes narrowed on the screen. Normally, the placidity of his quiet room felt more numbing than anything else. Isolation had slowly crept into Graham’s life and become the main theme. As if it were flipping Jaws, dun nuh dunn nuh. Every second of the day felt like his tie to Damon, this big long metaphorical rope which never let them get that far from each other was fraying. Girls, towns, schools, everything important had been intertwined into that braid.
And now, Damon’s in Iceland. Graham was suddenly twinless.
Well, not exactly. Damon got half the population of Iceland to mess around with and Graham had to moderate r/Indieheads. He had been before, of course. But now, even more intently.
u/sisterofthought [MOD] posted [UPDATE] Automod changes & Guideline reminders on r/indieheads:
Hey guys, just a reminder, as I’ve seen an uptick in its regularity on the sub, we have a strict rule against harassment and violent threats. You will be banned if you break this rule. I have updated the automod with new keywords in order to filter out this behavior.
Also while I have you, let’s remember to stay on topic for all threads, three strikes and you are banned. If you can justify why you were critiquing Sufjan in a Chance The Rapper live listening thread I’ll adjust my ruling.
u/MCFCNG [MOD] commented:
fucking little big brother over here this is shite is not enforcable hah
u/sisterofthough [MOD] replied:
please message me if you have an issue!!!! this is extremely unprofessional!!
R/indieheads was everything to Graham. The sole moderator who maintained the reddit, banned, unbanned, posted threads, interacted, debated. There was one other guy, a real fucking prat. Talk between the two was rare and mainly consisted of Graham typing in all caps
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT
Or
KILL YOUR SELF.
Recently, this guy, flipping MCFCNG, started an all out battle in the off topic thread about Manchester City’s Emirati owners, which he was in full support of, and it turned into twenty or so people conspiring to obtain the opposing forces personal address to post and shame them. The forum was about bloody indie music. Y'know Ram by Paul McCartney and JPEGMAFIA. Not some retro football hooliganism. Graham hoped most were children but he knew, mainly MCFCNG, was unfortunately someone with a supposedly fully formed brain.
MCFCNG was a stupid name. Graham thought so at least. Something a child might have named his first FIFA account. Kinda fit the complete twat who owned it.
(4:18) MCFCNG is typing…
(4:19) MCFCNG it’s my fuckin sub idgaf stop moving so mad
(4:19) MCFCNG suck my dick bitch no one likes the changes
(4:20) MCFCNG attachment img56_0.heic
It was a picture of his penis. Fuckin’ hell, just his luck. The soft cock rested peacefully on the man’s thigh which was coarse with hair and haloed in the light of a camera flash. Body hair consumed most of the man's visible lower half, legs, balls, and a heavy trail running up his stomach. Trousers and briefs jammed around his shins hid the rest. The saturated highlights and shadows of the photo left the slight bunching and bloat of the belly on clear display. Most egregious of all was the black faux leather of a cheap office chair hidden beneath it and glinting with a sheen of sweat.
Of course, the bloke was fucking massive as well.
MCFCNG, some prat in Manchester, who spent all day arguing about City and if Fontaines D.C. were gay for wearing skirts when not shoving powder up his nose on a job site or, more likely, flooding his own subreddit with phishing links to con some poor idiot out of his last fifty quid, had a very sizable cock.
And, Graham was basically rock hard, just at the sight of it.
(4:25) MCFCNG is typing…
(4:25) MCFCNG play with ur nipples too u dumb cow
Bile filled Graham’s intestines as their discord chat dinged with a new message. He jolted out of his chair and fled to the kitchen. Two lagers gulped down in quick succession helped cleanse him from the noxious energy that was swirling around next door in his bedroom.
He let his mind sink back into the far more comfortable state of intoxication. His back untensed and heart slowed yet the pressure, erm, down there stayed. It almost felt worse. The tip of his cock, still confined in his polyester gym shorts, which has been a tenner from JD Sports nearly a decade ago, rubbed up on the ruched elastic waist band at an annoyingly steady pace.
The flipping top mod of the stupidly all-important subreddit Graham spent all his time on had a big cock. He definitely also thought Graham was a girl.
Like he was unable to think for himself, Graham felt his arm move towards his chest per the other man’s instruction. Still powerful from a room over. With all of his energy, Graham stilled his hand and just stood there for a moment. The kitchen was dark except for some shreds of moonlight and a slight glint of the emptied tins.
Aw, who cared. Graham’s near constant self disgust was a tacit allowance for acts of indigeneity.
Palming himself, Graham found himself over the kitchen sink. Rough tugs finally satiated the overwhelming arousal which had set around his body. The relief was instant and he let his head slump backwards, with a thumb massaging his raw and sensitive tip until he finally came over the, luckily, empty stainless steel drain.
from:[email protected]
subject:[RE: my brothers stuff]
Allo!
Yes, I remember Liam! Only met the bloke a few times but he was always fun to see around. Definitely a big personality. It's a shame that Damon and him didn’t work out. He’s a bit hard to get a hold of recently but I’ll ask and let you know.
All the best,
Graham
u/MCFCNG [MOD] posted [UPDATE] sorry for the recent issues on r/indieheads:
subs been run like shit recently sorry blokes and blokettes. ill be snapping the belt a bit more and get my other cunt of a mod to post those daily threads more consistently. hang in there u wasters
(14:03) g (sisterofthought) is typing…
(14:03) g (sisterofthought) please dont go behind my back and make updates bashing my ability to mod the sub
(14:04) g (sisterofthought) you know how much flippin effort i put into it and just cuz ive going through some shit right now and fucking weekly gear thread was a day late doesnt mean you can go and make a thread so people can pile on me
(14:10) MCFCNG yous was late though
(14:10) MCFCNG its like you cover my arse when im slacking and i do the same
(14:10) MCFCNG just being helpful
(14:11) g (sisterofthought) if this is what you call being helpful i can not imagine a more flippin incompetent person
(14:11) g (sisterofthought) people are just complaining about my work in that daft thread
(14:12) MCFCNG naw its just a fuckin laugh
(14:12) MCFCNG beside they are fuckin right
(14:12) MCFCNG you are a uptight frigid bitch
(14:13) g (sisterofthought) DO NOT talk to me like that
(14:23) MCFCNG sorry love
(14:23) MCFCNG heres a pic of my bollocks
(14:23) MCFCNG attached img_346.heic
from:[email protected]
subject:remember graham the world keeps spinning
Thanks mate ive gotten all your emails. Life is good out here. I had been missing an open horizon. You should come visit, you would love it. I love you mate but everyone has been been hypnotized by the claustrophobia of London. The idea of a vast space might seem overwhelming but total openness and vulnerability is actually the opposite. It’s like being reborn. Sliding back down your mother’s birth canal and the warmth of the placenta. I want you to want to be reborn.
About the Liam thing you mentioned. Fuck him. I burned the paper with all of his computer passwords and I’m never giving back the Beatles For Sale record. Tell him that for me.
Damon
from:[email protected]
subject:[RE:RE: my brothers stuff]
Heya ,
Sorry it took so long but finally heard back from Damon. Flat out refused to say. Said he got rid of some piece of paper as well? Hope your brother will be ok.
Graham
19:56
(19:56) w.jp.gallagherx: hes fuckin lying he is
(19:56) w.jp.gallagherx: press harder that bloke knows where my shite is
(19:56) w.jp.gallagherx: i knew bollock fuckin albarn would do this shit
(19:57) w.jp.gallagherx: and my fucking passwords oh my days
(19:57) w.jp.gallagherx: i should go over to that fucking sauna and stick a grape vape up his arse
(20:01) g.noely: you definitely dont have to do that
(20:02) w.jp.gallagherx: y r u being such a pussy about thissss u’ve got killer instinct mate fucking wring it out of him like u used to in mcr
from:[email protected]
subject:[RE:RE:RE:REmy brothers stuff]
mate come on now. your pal knows where it is. honestly you should fuckin know it is? is his flat magically fuckin empty? dont act like im some daftie.
you’ve met liam hes a real special lad you know. one of those blokes with the extra needs and you and your pal are being a right cunt about this. i’m not mad about the passwords. he played those games too much, would miss work, but ive been told that damon has at least two pressing of Beatles For Sale which are liams plus his headphones plus a john lennon bobble head and we want it ALL back.
Noel
from:[email protected]
subject:placenta seems much
Damon,
I’m pretty sure I can handle a field. A second adult birth sounds like the worst thing I could imagine right now. I think I’d rather rapidly age into a puddle than be gone through my mums bits again. Iceland seems lovely though. We haven’t been to the beach in a while together.
Off topic, but I am still getting emails from Liam Gallagher’s brother about getting his beatles records back. Don’t know how else to phrase this but he is implying his brother is basically flipping neurodivergent and a minor and honestly that tracks and im starting to feel pretty bad. Can you like give me your landlords number and I can get a spare key and look for them at least? You wouldn't have to do anything else.
Yknow you seem to be having a good enough time over there so like this shouldn’t matter right?
Miss you,
Graham
from:[email protected]
Subject:insecurity will be the death of you graham. always desperate to be liked.
Do Not Let Noel Gallagher Into My Flat or Give Him Anything From It.
love you but don’t do something fucking dumb.
day
from:[email protected]
subject:[RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: my brothers stuff]
Hi Noel.
I am sympathetic to you and your brother's situations. Please do not spam my email with threatening emails, it will not help you fix this any quicker. I have a very important job which I rely on email notifications for so I would appreciate you stopping. I am talking to friends trying to maybe get a spare set. Damon isn’t cooperating with any one right now let alone the idiot who cheated on him five months ago.
Graham
from:[email protected]
subject:[RE:RE:RE:RE:REmy brothers stuff]
dont like this fuckin tone you’ve got now. what the fuck do you do anyways besides stock shelves at rough trade east? not even being aggressive towards you but i guess thats just how you southern bastards take a northern lad with respect for himself.
either tell me to fuck off or find my brothers shit. ill get you a blowie if you choose the latter.
Noely fuckin gallagher
u/MCFCNG [MOD] posted [UPDATE] changes to mod team to r/indieheads:
so yeah big changes to the sub. im unmodding u/sistertothought. shout out to all her hard work over the years but just been going over the updates to the automod and the ban list and its wayyy too much. massive fuckin overreach. so yeah go back to yelling at each other you fuckin losers. i am here to facilitate the yelling. im the only mod now who’ll be doing shite and ill be doing fuck all so have fun u divs.
(2:20) g (sisterofthought) is typing…
(2:20) g (sisterofthought) why do you hate me
(2:38) g (sisterofthought) attached img_245.mov
(3:09) MCFCNG i thought you were some blonde bird with massive tits
The guy, or more like, kid— he looks young despite the tired eyes— stared directly into the camera. Acres of pearlescent white skin were lit up despite inhabiting what seemed to a pitch black room. Blue flannel boxers sat slightly ajar on his waist and a small erect cock was partially visible along the joustled waistband. Dark brown hair nearly blended in with the room if it wasn’t for the harsh line of fringe which ran tight along the forehead. It was nearly completely absent from the rest of his body, which glowed almost radioactive in the low quality of the video.
Noel just watched, mouth slightly agape, as the slender arms moved to roughly massage his chest before pinching at his small, brown nipples. Sky Sports announcers loudly bemoaned Man City’s chances of winning the league from a second tab, streamed illegally through some Chinese website.
“The game’s gone, Gary. Not this year. Not with this black mark of a scandal.”
The man in the video, sisterofthought, moved his right hand down to his crouch, harshly jerking up and down his cock. Right hand still tweaking at his nipple. The pace was brutally quick and Noel watched in awe as sisterofthought began to twitch and moan in response to the pleasure.
“Football is about scoring goals. That is it, shots on goal, and City’s stat right now is nowhere near a championship team.”
He thought his former comrade in moderation had been a girl. In the fucking name, y’know, sister. Noel had imagined some girl with straw blonde hair, glasses, and an absurd chest which jiggled as she bounced up and down on him.
The space between the imagined breast and that man’s smooth chest made him deliriously aroused.
Gary Neville and Alan Smith winced at the wild shot from the far corner which rocketed right past the goal. Sisterofthought exhaled at an uncontrollably high pitch as semen shot up his stomach with the slightest bit glancing his jaw. His left hand reached up, delicately limp yet surprisingly sturdy looking, and wiped the ejaculate off before licking the residue off his fingers.
The next morning in the shower, Noel shakes and shudders through an orgasm at the thought of it.
8:47
(8:47) w.jp.gallagher: youve got to stay up his arse mate
(8:47) w.jp.gallagher: tsk tsk no slackin
(8:50) g.noely: fuck off with that
(8:50) g.noely: been trying for two fuckin weeks
(8:50) g.noely: the lads said doss and i really couldnt give a shit if he did
(8:51) g.noely: do you one fuckin favor and you act like a greedy little baby
from:[email protected]
subject:[RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: my brothers stuff]
hi Noel
Thanks for waiting while I asked around (and thanks for letting your barrage of emails slow down). Our mate Dave was able to scrounge up a spare set of keys to Damon's flat and now I’ve got a box of stuff that you can have a poke through to check if any of it is Liam's? If you are free tomorrow, we can meet in the kings cross costa (neutral ground hah). My beanie’ll have a little sonic the hedgehog on it.
Graham
A sharp fall wind cut through Noel’s Nike trackies. London was, luckily, dry that day, a rare sight for autumn. Weather like that should be celebrated by spliffs and beer gardens, but instead he was stuck searching around King’s cross for Damon Albarn’s odd little friend. The only clue to his appearance being some childish hat which Noel could only half imagine. The cunt is also late. By a lot. So, he’s got Noel posted up in a Costa packed with tourists and a look on his face that can not hide his discontent with the situation just fucking waiting around. The staff seemed half convinced he’s going to stick someone with a blade in a moment.
As the latte he had coughed a fiver up for grew cold, Noel cursed his idiot brother for getting him in this sad situation. The cunt was still hiding out with Mam in Burnage, cruising through half the city at record speed, and he was stuck here, in fucking Costa. All cause Liam’s hippy dippy ex-boyfriend knew the best way to cause maximum damage was to hide the only shit he gave a fuck about: vinyl. Damon Albarn could have cut Noel up and Liam would have forgotten about it in a few days.
“S’cuse me, are you Noel?” A voice intoned, high and raspy. “You and Liam look a lot alike.”
Noel blinked at the figure who appeared in front of him.
Fuck. Choppy dark brown hair was shoved underneath a blue beanie with a matching cartoon hedgehog. Big round eyes and a long protruding nose which hide a small polite mouth. A striped shirt and green bomber jacket engulfed porcelain white skin. Noel recognized that unique arrangement of features. Instantly. Fucking sisterofthought. His whiney, needy, desperate co-mod. The guy who would bitch and moan for hours about rules and threads and bans until Noel just wanted to shut him up. The one who Noel, in some typical madonna-whore-complexity, pretended was a big titted older girl telling him to behave until it all just became too annoying. The one who he sent various angles of his genitals with goading messages to play into the fantasy. The one who spazzed out and responded with the most gut wrenchingly arousing video of him playing with his nipples which Noel had stopped being able to ejectulate without watch.
That guy.
And, the box in his hands said he was also the weirdo friend of Noel’s brother’s ex who he had been harassing for a month. For good reason, really, except that Liam, the sociopath, wanted him too.
Here, in the Costa, he seemed like a completely separate person. Neither the email handle or the Reddit username. This new being, just Graham, he supposed. It seemed odd to imagine them existing underneath the same umbrella. Neither personality matched this sheepishly hip twenty-something in front of Noel. Yet, it’s not like Graham would ever know Noel was the other man on r/Indieheads.
The pair seemed frozen in the moments before the interaction had to start in full. Noel, still stunned by the realization, sat there drinking in the moment. Who would know a thing. They seemed like two normal lads sat in a fucking Costa Coffee. Anonymous masturbation be damned.
“It is Noel, right?” Graham sniffed, peering down from over the cardboard box he held.
“Ah, yeah, mate.” Noel lurched into motion, attempting to play off the silence. “Sorry about that. I’m a bit loopy today.”
“It’s alright. M’im not one to judge.” The words seemed to tumble out of Graham's mouth as his eyes shot around avoiding Noel’s. His body moved to busy itself, setting the box down and presenting it. “Damon used to say I was perpetually loopy. Before he fucked off to Iceland, y’know.”
Noel nodded but refused to offer anything in return. Loopy seemed like the first good word to describe this guy. At least he wasn’t the freak Noel was imagining he’d have to meet. A definitely a freak, but a different kind. Not the same peace-and-love-man nonsense that Damon was. And deceptively cool for someone who spent nights crying about how to ensure no one too invasively questioned Conor Oberst’s sobriety on Reddit.
“Have a look, ok? I tried to pull things that I didn’t recognize from the flat.”
His instruction was met with an agreeable hum as Noel began to inspect the odd collection which Graham had assembled. Small, stout fingers ran over the magazines and records until they landed on what were clearly Liam’s chunky headphones.
“Sorry about this, y’know, Rkid is a real idiot. Didn’t want to put you out, you know what I mean?”
Graham nervously giggled in the periphery, “I didn’t mind, really. It just took a moment cause I really hadn’t been back in that flat since y’know Damon and Liam fell apart. That’s when Damon split.”
Noel’s eyes stayed focused on the box, refusing to raise and meet Graham. The other man had feminine litheness to him despite a distinctly masculine build, it made his small body movements fascinating. Strong hands wringing together felt delicate despite it all.
“Well, still, thanks a million. We’ll keep at least one of the dafties happy with this.” Hands pulled headphones and the deeply sought after Beatles For Sale record out of the box, Noel’s eyes finally glanced up and grinned. Graham smiled back, his less wry and practiced than the other.
“Flipping hell, that's good.”
Noel wondered if perhaps he was mistaking a certain childishness for femininity, he couldn’t tell for sure.
“Y’know,” Graham began, “You really do seem familiar.”
Even his voice intrigued Noel, none of the puzzle pieces seemed to match with Graham. The pair stood there again for a moment, a fast-paced Costa buzzed in the background. All of Graham’s body seemed to slouch a little to match Noel’s stature, even the dark purple bags under his sunken eyes seemed a bit lower.
There it was. The small cog that seemed to keep the man ticking. Graham for all his disparate parts just seemed a bit lonely.
“Maybe, mate.” Noel responded, dryly.
“Yeah, well, who knows.”
Weighing out the loot in his hands, Noel turned to leave. “See you around. Whenever Rkid and your pal figure shite out.”
Graham laughed, “Yeah, at some point then. Maybe in twenty years?”
u/MCFCNG [MOD] posted [UPDATE] [again] mod team faff on r/indieheads:
solo modding this shithole has been a drag so u/sisterofthought is back to clean it up. you fuckers better be on your best behavior.