Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It wasn't always like this. I was actually normal, and life was, for the most part, uneventful. I mostly stood by myself when it came to school and general friend groups, but that wasn't irregular for most people.

Everything changed when my sister, Maria, took her final breath. Neuro-Immune Deficiency Syndrome. A fatal condition she was woefully diagnosed with at birth. She ended up living longer than expected. Twenty years exactly. Her doctors predicted that her symptoms would worsen by the age of 16, leaving her unable to walk and speak, ultimately leading to her passing. But she somehow overturned all expectations, granting everyone a tinge of hope of something good, especially with how lively she had been acting...

We should've known better than to hold on to longing. Because of it, I managed to isolate myself more after it happened. I would spend night after night in the garage, working on a motorcycle that she had gifted me. I promised I would drive her around on it one day after I fixed it.

Gerald, Maria's grandfather whom I consider a parent, certainly hadn't taken it lightly at all. He was a man with high ambitions, and much like myself, he began to linger in the lab he constructed in the basement for days on end. Though he is a remarkable scientist, I believe he figured he could create some sort of cure for such illnesses. A field he didn't exactly participate or belong in. He prohibited me from entering the basement from the moment the lab was made, so my theories remained uncertain.

After a year since her passing, he started to come up more often, and it was nice to actually see him for more than four hours a day. But I spotted his attempts to appear as if he had come to terms with it all. His broken smile betrayed him every time. I don't believe I gave as much effort to seem alright.

When my seventeenth birthday came along, everything seemed to decline all over again. At first we thought it was an issue with my eyes. A simple case of glaucoma, or even cataracts despite the young age.

What I would've given for that.

After the eye appointments, Gerald had made me promise, that if I felt a specific list of symptoms that unsurprisingly matched all of Maria's, to notify him immediately. I believe he was afraid I might have been foundering to match her demise, despite being aware it was a syndrome solely pronounced at delivery. He was scared, clearly. But I promised.

At first, I heard things. Shuddering whispers, questions unintelligible at the time. I imagined that it was me simply being hit with the lack of sleep and food for specific reasons.

But then came the things I saw. The light that hit the walls would form odd shapes, along with the shadows. It was subtle at first, the main reason why I had gotten the appointments in the first place. I became easily distracted at objects in places I never noticed before, sometimes objects that I never even knew existed. It was too confusing at the time for me to comprehend it all, I ended up ignoring my promise to Gerald in response.

It was nearing the end of the second quarter of my senior year. I was walking through the halls with my closest friend at the time, or as close as I granted, Espio. He was a purple chameleon who was much like me with his solitude and silence, but significantly more known and kinder than I was, admittedly. He was telling me about some sort of house party a student was throwing and how he and I were invited. We weren't keen on the idea, yet he continued to speak of it.

I'm not exactly sure when I stopped paying attention. Or maybe I do.

Our school was diverse with humans and mobians, but when my eyes landed on a student I had never seen before, my footsteps slowed. It was impossible to ignore her uncanny resemblance to my sister.

The girl danced between the passing students, each one paying no mind to her. It was odd. She maneuvered through them all, her smile warm and soft as her yellow hair bounced on her shoulders with each step and twirl.

"Who is that girl...?" I suddenly asked as Espio was speaking, my eyes glued on the doppelganger.

He turned around, giving me an unsure look. "...Wave? She's the purple sparrow in our history class. She's the one I said invited us." He repeated a sentence I didn't recall.

I briefly met his gaze. "Right." I muttered, as if I understood. I don't think he noticed I was asking about someone else.

Espio shook his head as if to dismiss the exchange, slowing his pace to walk beside me as he jawed on about the party. He said something about it being good for me to get a night out.

I attempted to maintain all the focus I had onto his voice, but my eyes quickly darted behind me to find the girl again. But she was gone. I took a quick gander at the sea of students, a part of me hoping to see her for whatever reason. She was no one important to me, but the eccentricity and familiarity of her character piqued my interest more than I'd like to admit.

The school day was nearly done, and I was in my final period- the desolate classroom of chemistry. Espio and I stood at a lab station, carefully measuring a clear viscous liquid into a beaker. He took notes meticulously with his brows furrowed in concentration. The project of the class was simple. Titration. Find the equivalence point. Do not spill the sodium hydroxide. Living with a scientist who was well acquainted with the periodic elements made tasks like this seem almost kindergarten. I was used to it. I was more accustomed to a world of definable rules, where I was in control.

It was not out of the ordinary, but my mind continued to wander back to the girl, unable to focus on what mattered.

"Got it measured?" Espio asked, his focus remained in the notebook.

I nodded. "Yeah." I set the breaker down, keeping my hand wrapped around it, and rested my elbows onto the counter. I stared ahead at nothing in particular as I waited for Espio.

That's when the hum of a vent from above caught my attention. It seemed louder than it should've been, it was irrefutable. I didn't recall any vents in the school ever malfunctioning like that, so I let my ears guide my eyes.

Shadow.

A voice, deep and mocking, had uttered my name. The buzzing deepened when my sight landed on a large vent just above my head, its vibrations grew and I could feel it in my body, in my teeth.

Suddenly, every light that hung in the room had started to convulse rapidly like the world itself was shaking, their bulbs blinking in and out of radiance. My breathing became apprehensive as I glanced at everyone's faces. Espio was still writing. Practically everyone in the room remained focused on their labs. Was this a drill I was not warned about?

"Okay, I think we're about ready to put the indicator in..." I barely heard Espio speak, his voice distant.

My quills raised in alarm when I noticed the door to the teachers backroom had creaked open, the room inside nothing but a void of black. My grip on the breaker tightened when some sort of smoke curled out from it, items from every possible surface slowly rising as the shuddering of the area worsened.

"Shadow." My head jolted to the sound of my name, the dancing girl staring directly at me with a dismaying appearance. She stood in the middle of the room. "You need to leave."

I felt my lungs tighten and the beat of my heart became rabid. The air in the room felt heavy and suffocating when another plume of smoke quickly poured in. It rushed past me in a flurry, carrying pencils and other chemistry supplies. It caused me to stumble backward, an attempt to dodge the flying components, as I felt the smoke physically shove me.

I registered a crash through it all. When I looked over, Espio's eyes and mouth were wide, his screams a swallowed sound through the cacophony of chaos. He clutched his arm where the skin seemed to boil and redden. I saw glass from the beaker that I was holding now splattered on the ground near his feet.

My reaction to the damage was absent, none of what transpired connected. When I looked back up, with my chest heaving, the room was fully engulfed with those twisting vines of darkness. The real world began to bleed through, and I could vaguely see the faces of students who stared in shock and fear. The teacher rushed over as he yelled out something, grabbing on to Espio when he arrived.

My body trembled through each attempt to dodge whatever it was after me. I staggered toward the door to escape, my mind rushing as to why nobody else aimed to do so. I stopped when a tall figure stood in front of me.

"We'll handle this." He said, clutching the bat in his hand as he rushed behind me to knock away anything coming toward me.

I watched in utter horror as each item he whacked shattered from impact, no matter the material.

Abruptly, I felt a pair of arms grab a hold of me. My knees gave in and I thrashed against him as the batting man now balanced on a table, for better reach I assumed. I felt myself sinking closer to the ground, and I squeezed my eyes shut, failing to toss away the hold on me.

"Settle down, son. You're okay, it's okay." A deep voice, one urgent and serious, quickly spoke in my ear as he settled me on the floor. I gripped his arms that slung around my chest, my claws digging into his skin in fear and want of security.

I opened my eyes, and I saw nothing but bright florescent lights glowing down on everyone. The smoke was gone, and so were the only people who seemed to understand what I was seeing.

I was a spectacle. A freak-show in the middle of chemistry class. All eyes were glued to me as I gasped for air, their whispers now clearly audible in my ears. Some watched Espio, who was being guided out of the room. He had given me a look I'd never seen before; a look of pure terror, and I don't think I'll ever forget it.

He and I were rushed to the hospital immediately. For separate reasons, evidently. The burns on his skin proved to be so incredibly severe, surgeons had to repair it with skin from his rear. Or... so I heard. He unsurprisingly stayed out of touch with me from then on, only sparing me a small awkward expression whenever we managed to interact.

That was the day my life was redefined in a single word.

Schizophrenia. A chronic mental disorder that affects a person's ability to think, feel, and behave clearly. It results in a mix of both auditory and visible hallucinations, leaving one to lose touch with reality. Which spells out pretty clearly what had occurred.

Gerald was devastated, to say the least. Especially when the school had expelled me for student endangerment after some consideration. Everyone at the school practically despised me. He blamed himself for not seeing it sooner, apologizing for not looking into it more when my symptoms first began. I'm not sure why he felt the need to hold such a large grudge against himself, when I myself didn't know.

He began a hopeless quest for a cure, a word distasteful among individuals like me, having the two of us sit in endless waiting rooms just to test another drug that would cease to function.

Thorazine, Haldol, Saphris, Clozaril. If you can name it, there's the chance that I've had the prestige of experiencing trial-and-error with it. This condition is incurable, after all, and can only be repressed.

And there wasn't much luck with searching for a school within our district that would accept me. The reasons were all the same. It was too dangerous, there was insufficient staff training for psychosis, and the worry for disruptive behavior during classes. I wasn't upset at the fact, not exactly. Mainly due to the fact that my area wasn't pleasant. If the schools refusal of my presence didn't already prove that. I never wanted to attend them to begin with.

This search would certainly consume me in a way I thought I wouldn't feel again. It cut deeper than any fear to know that nothing would ever be the same again. Maria's death already made a difference. And now, I'll be stuck in an endless cycle of unwanted delusions, and the search for a remedy that would allow me a chance to be like everyone else. To live a life the way I'd dream of.

Chapter Text

Shadow woke up to a flash of light bleeding through his eyelids, the hooks of his curtains shrieking on their poles as Gerald slid them apart. The hedgehog shifted in bed with a grunt and yanked the covers over his head.

"Rise and shine, kid!" Gerald chirped, walking over to pat Shadow on the head. "Today's the day."

A soft rattle and plunk! was heard from his bedside table. Shadow's ears perked from underneath the blanket, and he slowly lowered it. He saw a small orange container with a white cap.

Of course.

But this was a new one.

Again.

It was labeled "TozaPrex."

He remembered sitting in his doctor's office for his latest medical report. Everything from it had proven unsuccessful, from its effects to the desire to keep taking them. Shadow knew it wouldn't work- nothing ever did. And yet Gerald, bless him, was determined to keep searching for him. 

Fortunately, the new search didn't last long. On their way out of the office, Gerald snatched a pamphlet from the front counter. Shadow hadn't bothered to question it. It was nothing new. He spotted the same one earlier when they entered. The words "A new treatment for Schizophrenia is finally here" were displayed at the top. A photo of two unsettling smiling patients sat just below.

Shadow glared at the medication, his eyes half-lidded. "Great..." He watched his father take a seat on his bed. "I'm tired of being a lab rat, Gerald."

The old man shook his head, his smile indulgent and weary. "Don't be ridiculous, you are not a lab rat. You've been rooted to this bed for days. It might get you up and out of here for a bit." Gerald gestured around the room. "It's just something new."

"Exactly. We don't know what it'll do to me." Shadow pulled the covers away and sat up. He glanced at the bottle in distaste. "What...what if my quills fall out? What if I go blind? What if I'm allergic and it kills me?"

Gerald raised a brow, unconvinced. "Hm... You're not allergic to anything."

Shadow slouched in defeat, a subtle up-roll of his eyes directed toward himself conveying his displeasure. Curse his unassailable immune system.

He watched Gerald grab the bottle, his hand lightly shaking it toward him. "Come on, just give it a try. I've got a good feeling about this one." He looked at Shadow with a wary smile, his expression of hope being one he had grown too accustomed to.

Shadow scowled, his focus twitching when he noticed a figure sitting at his desk. He could see them shake their head in his peripheral vision. "Don't even think about it," it said, a frown detectable in their tone.

Shadow's eyes lifted to meet Gerald's, his lips pressed down to a line. "...I'll take it later." He muttered, his voice meek.

Gerald only watched Shadow for a moment before sighing. He slowly nodded, his eyes downcast. "Okay. Get ready, we gotta go soon." He set the pills down beside Shadow, a grunt escaping as he slowly straightened to his feet.

Shadow watched the door slowly creak as Gerald closed it. His eyes were glued to it even after he left. He attempted to focus on the real things: the angled sunbeam from the window, the singing birds outside, his breathing. Anything. He craved serenity, and he would never disregard a chance to enjoy it when he had it.

"This new start better have some good eye candy. Think they're prepared for someone like us?" As if on cue, Shadow's most impassioned hallucination, Lorenzo, cracked the stillness with a wonder he would prefer to shun. There was no doubt that the figure, though typically just a voice, had been conjured in his mind by some raunchy romance film he watched ages ago. It introduced itself with that name, which unsurprisingly matched a character's in said film.

Shadow dropped his face into his hands, groaning.

---

The car ride to a school outside of their district, Shadow's new chance, was long and quiet. He sat in the back, watching the trees rush past in an organic blur. The familiar neighborhoods slowly bled into pristine, unfamiliar ones. He ignored Gerald's eyes that would occasionally peek through the rear-view mirror, unwilling to see that expression of hope and mixed in desperation.

As they entered the school's campus, the implementation of religion was noted instantly.

Saint Agatha's.

The school looked exactly as one would expect. A pale, worn-down brick exterior, immaculate green lawns, and a tall, vaguely judgmental-looking statue of a saint in the center of it all. Students were wandering about, engaged in their own conversations and thoughts.

Shadow skeptically squinted his eyes as he took it all in. "I'm not Catholic."

Gerald shrugged as he steadily backed into a parking space. "Eh. They're more about attendance anyway."

When they entered the school, Shadow immediately felt out of place. Religion had never really been in his family's rhythm, and though he wasn't sure what he was expecting, everything felt overtly neat. Disciplined. Every word from the ladies at the front desk was hushed, so as not to interfere with the perfect silence. Even the sunlight that streamed through the glass felt deliberately positioned.

He kept his head high, afraid to draw attention.

Perhaps he was thinking about it too much.

The two were delicately led down the halls to the principal's office, their footsteps filling the silence. The air carried a faint mix of freshly polished flooring and old books. Shadow's eyes drifted along the walls, peering through the narrow windows of classroom doors. A mix of human and mobian students filled the seats, their bodies hunched over in quiet focus.

Shadow nearly sighed in relief. At least he wouldn't have to worry about being the lone hedgehog in a school of devout human students. Or, as far as this place was concerned, students with proper attendance.

They steadily approached a door, a sign beside it reading Principal Sister Katherine. The woman who guided them eased the door open. Gerald raised a hand in thanks and passed through with Shadow falling just a step behind.

"Ah, Professor Gerald." A short lady, her face pale and weathered, greeted them in a crisp voice devoid of any warmth. She stood from her chair, her open hand extending across her large oak desk. "And you must be Shadow. It's so great to see you both."

Shadow gave a stiff nod.

Gerald took hold of her hand, his face wrinkling with a smile as he shook it. "And to you! We appreciate the consideration for Shadow's enrollment on such short notice. "

The nun gestured to the empty chairs before her. "Yes, of course. The Lord's heart is vast enough for all children, even those with... necessary guidance." She said, taking a seat as she glanced at Shadow. "We believe no child is beyond his embrace."

Shadow barely fought back a glare, a new tension simmering underneath his composure. He shuffled in the uncomfortable seat, his arms crossed.

The meeting began, the talking mostly being done by Gerald as he plainly laid out all of Shadow's achievements.

Shadow recalled a brief conversation in the car with Gerald, where they both agreed to overlook the incident at his last school. It is the cause for this much-needed admission, after all.

He forced himself to focus. The notion of the Lord himself wouldn't reject someone like you, scraped at the patience of his mind. His eyes drifted around the office, the dusted shelves and hung frames reflecting pieces of him back.

As she continued to speak, a familiar figure materialized in the corner of the room. It wasn't Shadow's fabricated version of his sister, but the one who had managed to appear whenever he felt irritable or apprehensive. Shadow's human embodiment of every suppressed, cynical, and rebellious thought. He was his bodyguard- something Shadow had recently began to call him.

The guard stood behind Sister Katherine, a permanent sneer etched on his face. He rested a baseball bat onto his shoulders, his clothing a dark and blurred mess. A short cigarette hung from his lips before he took in a long drag. He tilted his head toward the nun.

"This is useless. I'll shut her up, just give me a signal." He murmured, his dark eyes squinted as he puffed the smoke toward Shadow.

Shadow glared at the man, his expression dull. He subtly shook his head, a silent plea for his disappearance.

The man shrugged, holding the cigarette. "Whatever." His lips unnaturally curled upward, his expression uncanny when he flicked his cig. The glowing ember of its end formed a perfect arc directly to the top of the nun's wimple.

A tiny orange flame sparked to life on the fabric of it. She sat there, organizing a stack of papers, her tone unwavering as she went over the schools strategy. "It is our goal to guide students to their full potential in moral and spiritual integrity..."

Shadow tensed, a gasp nearly escaped his lips.

The flame grew, slowly eating away at the black fabric. The smoke from it seeped into Shadow's nostrils, and the acrid scent of burnt linen caused his nose to scrunch up slightly. The bodyguard watched the fire with detached amusement in his dark eyes, both arms crossed as he leaned his shoulder against the wall. The flames climbed higher, engulfing the room in a silent, shimmering firestorm.

"While we understand Shadow's personal or medical circumstances, his enrollment here will be conditional. We pride ourselves on being one of the highest esteemed schools in the county, after all."

She was a speaking pyre, lecturing the two on the school's discipline and methods as she burnt alive. And Shadow was the only one who could see it. If it weren't for her indifference to the inferno devouring her entire figure, Shadow might've believed it was truly happening.

His fingernails dug into the palms of his hands as he watched the flames expand, wooden boards from the ceiling echoing with a creak.

"That's perfectly reasonable." Gerald quickly nodded and turned to Shadow. "Hey, you hear that?" He raised a brow, his lips curved up in a silent question.

Shadow blinked before he met his gaze, his eyes a bit widened. "...yeah." He swallowed. "That's fine."

Sister Katherine hummed as she reached for a set of new stapled papers, her eyes squinted while she read. "I see Shadow has started a new medical trial..." Shadow watched as her papers disheveled into black ashes. "To treat this condition of his."

Gerald glanced at the dark hedgehog, the near downturn of his lips almost revealing his son's yet-to-be-taken dosage. "Ah- yes... we just got it, actually."

"And how does it seem to be going for you, Shadow?" She set the papers down, her voice now directed at him as she clasped her hands.

Her face was melting.

"It's going... well." Shadow hesitated, his palms sweating from the visual heat.

The nun's brows furrowed slightly as she glanced between the pair. "Right... well." She took off her glasses. "We'll accept Shadow, but he will be on academic probation. He is to maintain a three-point-five GPA and pass the yearly benchmark exam if he wishes to graduate. It is also necessary that we get a monthly notice regarding his psychiatric treatment. Any deviation could and will lead to expulsion."

"That won't be a problem." Gerald nodded avidly as he knelt forward, his voice lowering. "Could we... refrain from letting his condition be known?"

Shadow subtly turned to his old man, his expression darkening.

"There was a bit of, uhm, pressure from students at his last school..."

"Certainly. Best we avoid causing a scene." Sister Katherine's expression was a distorted mess as she nodded in agreement.

A wave of relief washed over Gerald's face. It was a look of such pure, desperate hope that it made Shadow's stomach churn. He saw an opportunity. Shadow saw a tighter cage.

Shadow's eyes darted between the two as the fire continued to breathe and travel around the room. The air was thick and heavy, and he felt closed in. The discussion caused a new unease.

Shadow abruptly stood, his seat legs hissed against the floorboards. "Excuse me. I need to go use the restroom." He spoke a bit quicker than he intended before escaping to the hallway, the flames finally a thing left behind.

He took a lungful of what felt like smoke-free air and found his way to the bathroom. He swung the door open, stepping into the sterile bathroom. It smelled faintly of bleach, despite nearly every surface being covered in vandalism.

He stood at a urinal, the act being more of a getaway than a necessity, and he stared at the tiled walls in front of him. A scratched message of 'Jesus loves you' sat right at the tip of his nose.

'Unless yur a homo,' a separate, much-needed inked clarification said.

Shadow shook his head, a huff that could resemble a laugh left his nose.

"Moral and spiritual integrity, huh?" He muttered. "Right."

Before he had the chance to finish, Shadow's ears flicked back. The door was shoved open, followed by hurried footsteps and hushed whispers echoing off the walls. Whoever it was, they were trying to be quiet- trying being the keyword. And they hadn't noticed Shadow.

"Dude, what took you so long?" One voice hissed. "You forget where the door was?" It held confidence and mischief that didn't belong in a place like this.

"Oh- bite me. You try sneaking past Sister Lina without a hall pass." Another replied, their voice significantly deeper.

"Been there, done that, knucklehead. Cash?"

Shadow stood completely still as he looked down at the urinal. He listened to the crinkles of their exchange.

The first voice heaved a heavy sigh, an eye-roll detectable through it. "Seriously? This is barely half of what we agreed on. This isn't charity work."

"It's all I had on me! I'll get the rest to you next time..."

"Liar, you still owe me thirty from last month-"

As if Shadow had decided to make his presence known, a piercingly loud whoosh of flushing water cut through the tense silence. 

Shadow cringed, his shoulders tensing as he squinted his eyes shut. The whispering stopped, and he heard them shift from behind him. He took a deep breath, and he just knew they were looking at him. 

Slowly, he turned around, his expression an attempted look of aloofness. 

He made eye contact with two others. Both wore what Shadow assumed was a school uniform, judging by its formality and matching cool tones. One was a tall and red echidna, his build larger than Shadow would expect for any student. His stare back was dumbfounded, and he looked as if he hoped the floor would swallow him whole.
The other was leaning against a sink, with stapled papers held in one hand. He was also a hedgehog, but his quills were a startling, vibrant blue, rivaling Shadow's black ones.

The blue one narrowed his eyes, sizing Shadow up with a pair of intense, emerald green eyes.

He pushed himself off the sink and walked over. "Didn't see you there." He spoke casually, his arms crossed. "Y'know, this wing's closed for Mass. What are you doing here?"

Shadow was so incredibly unprepared for the sudden approach that he forgot to respond. He blinked, unsure if he had noticed a figure step out of a stall in his peripheral vision. The figure's blonde hair instantly let him know that he had unwanted visitors, specifically the one whom he started to call Maria. 

She was reaching for the blue hedgehog, her movements seeming eager and off-beat, as if she were moving through thick air.

"Wow... he seems cool!"  She said, her voice vibrating in Shadow's ears.

Shadow's attempt to ignore his sister's lookalike was a mixed bag. His eyes managed to avoid snapping in her general direction, but in turn, he didn't realize they were instead glued to the green eyes of the questioner.

"Hello...?" The blue hedgehog tilted his head forward, his brows raised. "Earth to... whoever you are. You tongue-tied, or what?"

The illusion of Maria retracted back, her hands flicked as if she had touched something hot. "Oh, uh. A bit intense," she whispered.

Shadow shook his head, the sharpness of the other's voice grounding him. "Uh- I'm... transferring..." He said, sounding unsure. "Just needed to use the bathroom-"

"Right, cool. Look, you didn't see us here, alright?" The blue hedgehog interrupted, his voice lowered with a quiet seriousness.

Shadow raised a brow, his expression falling with confusion at the sudden urgency. His gaze drifted from the hedgehog to the nervous echidna in the back, who immediately turned away when their eyes met, his hands shoved into his pockets.

Shadow's eyes returned to the figure before him, and he looked the hedgehog over. He managed a "tch" and shouldered past them without another word. He quickly washed his hands before walking out the door, leaving them in the sudden heavy silence of the bathroom.

Whatever that was, it wasn't his issue.

Chapter Text

It was Shadow's first day of catholic school, and he wasn't too thrilled about the uniform rule. He didn't typically wear anything besides his shoes and gloves. (Not that clothes were unfamiliar.) But being the only Mobian in a human family occasionally provoked that childhood urge to fit in. It also brought a natural preference for feeling the unrestricted breeze.

Luckily enough for him, the school had some leniency. As long as the uniform stayed modest enough for the species- human or Mobian- stylization was accepted. And for Shadow, that meant the most bare he could get away with was no pants.

Moreover, the uniform wasn't bad. It just held a higher formality than he was used to. It was the typical white button-down with a black tie, and he had the options of a dark teal blazer and sweater vest. Ultimately, he went with the blazer. He imagined he'd look like the kind of guy people tripped in hallways with the first one.

Because St. Agatha's was part of a new district Shadow had never attended, they considered his diagnosis and decided he should take a less crowded form of transportation.

Gerald immediately shouldered the responsibility, willing to drive Shadow to school every morning. He ignored his son's well-maintained bike in the garage, as it was clear to him that it would go unused for the chore. He knew Shadow couldn't bear the thought of it being stolen.

Shadow, to say the least, appreciated his father for being so eager to do anything for him. But, on occasion, he would feel a pang of guilt.

Gerald did so much for his education that Shadow felt stuck. He wasn't completely sure what he wanted to do after school. He had planned to join the military, but that was written off when he learned that those who experienced psychosis were typically denied, depending on the severity.

The loss of that initial motive made waking for school feel more unnecessary than he could have imagined. And yet, it was the only place that promised a version of life that everyone else seemed to understand.

On the way to school, Shadow rapidly bounced his knee in a steady rhythm. If it weren't for Gerald's insistence, he most likely would've still been at home, working on that precious bike of his.

Gerald slowly pulled into the line of cars at the student drop-off, breaking when they reached the curb. The door locks clicked, and Shadow's ears twitched.

The old man adjusted his grip on the wheel and sighed. "Don't forget to stop by the office," he said, watching Shadow. "I love you, kid. Try and have a good day, alright?"

Shadow stared ahead with a frown, watching kids enter the school building confidently. He reached for the door handle. "Love you too..." he muttered.

When Shadow stepped onto the concrete, his hands stuffed into his pockets, he listened to the car's engine slowly fade from behind him. He could already feel the dread of the day fill up in his stomach. His self-induced task to pretend everything in his head wasn't real had taken a turn and had become more intricate.

He entered the school building and found his way to the main office. When he set foot in, the carpet swallowed the sound of his footsteps and kept the room subdued, a great contrast to the loud echoes of the hallway just out the door.

The door shut behind him, and he approached the front desk. He spotted a pale rabbit behind it, her fingers flying across a keyboard.

She peeped up, and her eyes sparkled at the sight of Shadow. "Oh, hello!" She got up, dusting off her dress. "How are you? Are you Mr.Shadow Robotnik?"

"I'm... alright." He stuttered, caught off guard by the woman's height. "Yeah, I'm Shadow."

"Perfect. It's so nice to finally meet you. You can call me Ms. Nilla. I had your schedule right here-" She rummaged through the papers on her desk, clicking her tongue before handing one over to Shadow. "Since you are new, we have assigned a school ambassador to you. They'll be responsible for showing you around and walking you to your classes. I'll go and get them for you."

Shadow slowly nodded, mouthing an 'okay' as he watched her move to the back.

His eyes glazed across the room as he waited. It was a quiet pocket carved out of the school's constant motion. Wooden walls framed the room, their windows offering a view of students passing by in the hall. The cool lighting gave the space a calm, waiting-room feel. Few chairs rested neatly along the walls, ready for parents, students, or anyone momentarily pulled out of the rush of the day.

He watched the students wander and converse out the window. Unaccustomed to the use of uniforms, he was caught off guard by the universal patterns. That is, until his eyes latched onto a pair of familiar green eyes. His head turned as he maintained eye contact, watching the others' eyes widen.

Before he could figure out who it was, he turned at the sound of Ms. Nilla rustling back.

"Okay- Shadow, this is Rouge." She stepped back in, her hands clasped around the shoulders of another student. "She will be your ambassador for today, and possibly tomorrow, depending on how well you find your way around."

Ms. Nilla continued as Shadow, and the girl shared an awkward, mutual gaze.

"Oh yeah... Now that's what I'm talking about." Lorenzo's voice suddenly purred. Shadow pressed his lips together at the comment, sifling a growl.

Rouge... She was a white bat who was at least two inches taller than Shadow. If it weren't for her heels and skirt, the two of them could've been matching perfectly with their uniforms.

Shadow noticed, distantly, that she was pretty. Though he forced himself to focus on anything besides that fact due to Lorenzo, like her shoes, Ms. Nilla's voice, anything. Afraid his mask of indifference would break and reveal the chaos in his head, his fingers dug into the edges of his schedule.

Rouge's gaze drifted along him, and he felt completely exposed. She nodded in a simple greeting as Ms. Nilla finished telling something that Shadow hadn't focused on.

"If you need anything from me, you just come on over here, alright?" Ms. Nilla grinned as she led the two of them out the door. "I hope you have an amazing first day here, Shadow."

The door clicked shut behind them. Both stood by the front door in silence before the bat's heels clicked against the floor. "Alright, hand over the schedule." She casually demanded, her cupped hand floating in front of Shadow.

His face was lightly scrunched, taken aback by the assertiveness. "...Excuse me?" He slowly handed her his schedule.

"Your schedule, genius. How am I supposed to guide you if I don't know where you're going?" She hummed as she read his schedule. "Oh, well, look at that. We have nearly every class together." She shoved the paper back into Shadow's hands, pivoting on her heel.

Shadow read through his classes, his first period an art elective. Something he had managed to avoid in his third year of High school due to his dedicated distaste for doing it.

Rouge's ear twitched at the sound of a silent growl, and she smirked at him."C'mon, first period is all the way on the other side of the school. You don't want to be late on your first day now, do you?"

The first two classes were bearable, to say the least. And despite it being his first day, he'd already learned a few things:

Ceramics class was a creative nightmare, but manageable. Shadow was told he needed to finish a project discussing the phases of clay before he could make anything.

His Calculus class was unfortunately filled with obnoxious and noisy seniors. Embarrassing, considering they were nearly adults and still acted in such a way.

And, Rouge ended up being a better company than Shadow expected. She spoke with an easy, relaxed confidence, her energy easily matching his without forcing conversation. Shadow wasn't too moved by it, given that she'd been specifically assigned to him as an ambassador. But he allowed himself to appreciate the company.

Rouge also took it upon herself to guide him through some unspoken school standards after he very briefly mentioned his lack of religion. Never use the Lord's name in vain, she'd said. At least around the teachers.

Shadow would've been lying if he said the warning hadn't slightly offended him. He didn't think he looked like the type of guy to openly disrespect religious folk, yet the thought lingered anyway. He wasn't even sure how those people would look.

Shadow exhaled when the bell rang for the third period, his feet dragging as he followed Rouge out the door. She led him down a pale hallway, chat and gossip quickly bouncing off the walls.

"Did you get a chance to buy some gym clothes?" She wondered while adjusting her lashes in a small mirror.

"They're in my bag. I didn't think I'd use them today, though."

"Yeah, well, you thought wrong. We're required to change, even if we're just, I don't know, walking around." Her mirror snapped closed as she gave Shadow a look. "The gym teacher is kind of an ass, so he's probably gonna make you do the mile with us, newbie or not."

Shadow squinted. "The mile on a Monday..."

Rouge nodded with an expression that read 'told you so' as they approached the gym. "Like I said, he's an ass. I'll get him to give you a locker, though."

Rouge held the door for Shadow as she walked in and led him toward the main gym.

Fortunately for Shadow, he wasn't too worried about the mile. He's done his fair share of running, so he knew he'd be able to handle it. He's been called fast countless times before and told that he should do something with the speed. Kids strangely respected him after his first mile at his last school, so maybe he'd be able to set a good reputation at St. Agatha's the same way.

Rouge introduced Shadow to the coach, who looked more spherical than a guy working in his place should be. He was much louder and casually hectoring than the average person, but he gave Shadow a combination lock and led him and the rest of the boys to the locker room. He told Shadow to pick any locker and to be ready in two minutes.

Shadow barely heard the instructions through the thick mix of sweat and whatever else was in the air. He attempted to keep his breathing to a minimum as he walked to an empty corner. He felt a presence watching him as he passed through, but he managed to keep himself from checking what it was... fearing it was another delusion.

When they were all able to leave, Shadow stayed behind the horde of exiting students, subtly lifting the collar of his shirt to his nose, as the stench seemed to follow them out the door.

Sniff

He lowered his shirt. He was fine.

He met with Rouge, where students seemed to be crowding, and listened as three teachers gave directions.

Everyone was to go outside and meet up at the field with their respective teachers, stretch if they needed to, and wait until they were ready to start their stopwatch.

Shadow stood beside Rouge just before they all began, but soon ran ahead of everyone as he finished his last lap.

Well, almost everyone.

There was that guy, from the bathroom, who was already done. That blue hedgehog, standing by one of the female coaches, looked like the mile was as simple as taking a breath of fresh air. His heaving was practically non-existent, a grin taking over any sign of exhaustion.

Shadow crossed the final line just a moment later after the hedgehog and heard a click from his teacher's stopwatch.

Shadow would never admit he was even slightly impressed with the other guys' indifference to running. He was the same. But he's never met anyone as fast as him, let alone faster.

Shadow cracked his knuckles as he walked toward his coach and stared across the track, watching the blue hedgehog stare him down.

His hands lay on his hips, and he didn't look away immediately. His brows were furrowed, yet his eyes exposed impressment and surprise.

"̴He knows there's something wrong with you." A voice, deep and unsettling, whispered just behind Shadow.

Shadow flinched and whipped his head around, his eyes rounding when he stared at his coach. He had been looking down at his clipboard, his eyes squinting behind useless sunglasses.

"Geez, kid." The coach said, his voice noticeably louder than the whisper. "I'm real impressed. I've only ever seen Blue Boy over there perform like that. You play any sports?"

Shadow blinked back, his mind slowly registering the words as he hesitantly shook his head. He watched the coach carry out a tight-lipped nod, his hand shooing Shadow off as he peered toward the track.

Shadow turned away, running a hand down his face. He's lucky the teachers were plugged in with his condition; he'd have the prestige of going through painful questionnaires.

He found a bench not far off to the side and stole a seat with a sigh. He glanced over to the cobalt figure in the field and hummed in suspicion. Despite it not being much, the amount of eye contact they've shared throughout the day was unnerving. The only interaction they had was the hedgehogs and echidnas' peculiar hustle in the bathroom, so the looks couldn't possibly be familiarity.

Shadow let the thoughts marinade somewhere as he listlessly adjusted his cuffs and shoes, glancing up now and then to check how close Rouge was to finishing.

He noticed that she was actually really good at running, better than most of the other students, at least. If it weren't for his plain, unnatural speed, he'd most likely still be jogging beside her.

A short moment later, Rouge approached Shadow, her wings sagging behind her.

"Chaos, how'd you do that so quick?" She gasped between words, dropping onto the bench with Shadow. "The only... other one I've seen that fast... is Sonic."

...Sonic. So, that's his name.

"I run occasionally." Shadow shrugged, looking across the football field indifferently.

Rouge let out a single laugh. "Occasionally, he says. Yeah, right. People aren't that good if they run 'occasionally.'"

As Shadow's eyes surveyed the turf, which was now covered with students running around with a ball, he watched Sonic swing a Frisbee to a friend. The hedgehog yelled something out and casually peeked over his shoulder as he laughed.

Shadow grimaced when they made eye contact and crossed his arms. "What's that guy's problem?"

Rouge hummed in question. "Who? Sonic?" She squinted in the direction that Shadow was looking.

"I just- I've caught him looking at me several times today. And it's... getting irritating."

"Really now?" Rouge looked back at Sonic, a confused smirk forming. "I couldn't tell you, honestly. He's unpredictable. He may be surprised that we've got another fast runner."

Shadow kept watch of Sonic in the field as Rouge spoke. The grip he had on his arms tightened as his brain conjured possible meanings behind Sonic's repeated staring.

What if he truly knew that something was wrong with Shadow?

"I'm sure it's nothing bad. The guy is too carefree to let anything small get to him like that. Plus, you're new, which doesn't happen much here." Rouge nudged Shadow with her elbow. "C'mon, let's go do something before we get yelled at for being lazy."

Shadow and Rouge finished gym class off with a game of volleyball, or more so, Rouge gathered a group to toss the ball in a circle for the rest of the period. Shadow managed to whack the ball hard enough into two faces to cause a headache. He was resented a bit by those who were hit, yet most found it funny. He apologized, of course. But, he wished that he could've explained that a giggling, blonde-haired girl making funny faces was cartwheeling through the circle.

But he couldn't. And in no universe would he.

Due to the scheduling of their lunches, Rouge and Shadow had split up. She had to head off to her next class, while he had to go fill up his hunger. Not that he had any.

He slouched down the hall with the directions Rouge gave him, counting every tile his feet stepped into.

One, two, three...

"They can smell it on you. The crazy."

Shadow squinted his eyes shut as he took a sharp breath in, his footing stuttering. He slowly opened them again, looking back at the floor.

...seven, eight, nine...

Soon, Shadow found the lunch room. He likely could've gone without directions, as the horde of students moving toward the large building was telling enough. But, it was annoying to traverse through as the same students packed it up to wait for some food. Standing in line was a nightmare in itself.

After Shadow finally managed to get served his tray of food, he stood in the center of the room, solid as a brick. Every table, rectangular and perfectly aligned into a few rows, was filled. Except for one, which Shadow imminently stole before he had to resort to eating in the bathroom.

He settled down and studied his food. An unappetizing mush of mashed potatoes sat in the center of his tray, with a pile of carrots and a carton of milk surrounding it.

"Oh, I don't think so. You'll get sick if you eat that. Trust me." Lorenzo's voice suddenly warned.

Shadow's nose wrinkled as he slowly put down his fork. He knew better than to listen to the voices, but sometimes they seemed to pull his own thoughts into words that were hard to ignore.

He rested his chin in the palm of his hand, lazily monitoring the room. It was strange to see so many people practically dressed in the same thing, but it was oddly nice. It brought a sort of organization and clarity that Shadow could only dream of.

Shadow let his eyes latch onto a sight of blue as he scanned about, and he saw Sonic with a group of people. He was talking to what Shadow assumed were his friends, and he was the only one standing as he animatedly spoke with his hands. When one of his friends took over the conversation, he started to turn his head. He seemed to be looking around aimlessly, but hesitated a double-take when he spotted Shadow.

Shadow immediately looked away as if he were never looking in the first place, his leg bouncing under the table. He snuck a glance up, and saw the back of Sonic's head.

He was backing up while talking, his pointer finger up while his friends tilted their heads at his sudden exit. He turned around, fixing his quills as he very clearly and quickly approached Shadow's table.

Shadow's leg quickened in pace, and he stared down at his tray of food. He grabbed his fork, dipping it into the mashed potatoes.

"Here he comes. Keep it cool." Lorenzo leaned in close, whispering into Shadow's ear. "If he talks, let him. Show off that posture."

Shadow felt himself straighten up, his brow twitching inward at the awkward and sudden movement. He didn't even care about looking approachable.

Maria sat in front of Shadow, the sight of her presence calming. "Just be yourself, Shadow. It's only a conversation." She smiled sweetly and settled her hand onto his. It sent a wave of shivers up his arm.

Shadow noticed a pair of black shoes approach his table through his peripheral vision. He sized up the new figure beside him and tightened his grip around his utensil.

"Hey. Uh.... new kid, right? Shadow?" Sonic asked, pointing an unsure finger toward the dark hedgehog.

Shadow only briefly met his gaze before looking away. "Yes..."

"Cool! Mind if I sit here?" Sonic asked, but hadn't bothered to wait for a response.

He took the seat in front of Shadow, phasing straight through Maria.
Shadow held his breath at the sight, frowning in surprise.

Sonic cleared his throat. "I saw you in gym class earlier, third period. You're pretty fast."

"Hmph..." Shadow squinted his eyes at Sonic. "...you too," he quietly replied.

"Thanks! I'm Sonic by the way- you might know that already, actually." Sonic offered out his hand before slowly retracting it when Shadow ignored it. His lips flattened as he did a single nod. "Ooh-kay... not a handshake guy, noted."

Shadow heard Maria's sigh from beside him. "C'mon, Shadow. You hurt his feelings." His expression darkened, and his fingers twisted the fork in his hand.

Sonic shifted in his seat, his brows pulled tight from Shadow's glare. "You gonna keep giving me weird looks or say something?"

Shadow shook his head as he cleared his throat. "There's nothing for me to say." He kept watch of his food, scooping a crater into the unappetizing slop. "What do you want?"

Sonic shrugged with a smile. "Just thought I'd say hi to the lonely competition," he sighed, resting his chin on his palm. "I know it's like halfway through the school year, but you should totally consider joining the cross country team, dude. We take new members at any time. Plus, it'd be nice to have someone who can keep up for once."

Shadow plunked the fork onto his tray, the clank of plastic hitting plastic being a response enough. His eyes lifted to meet Sonic's gaze, but caught on to the figure to his right. It was Lorenzo, who now sat at the end of the table with his bare feet kicked.

Lorenzo nodded in slow approval. "Oh," he drawled, the word tipping into something playful. "He's really noticed you. That's new."

Shadow chewed on the inside of his cheek, tasting copper as he watched Lorenzo's eyebrows arch.

"Hey, hello?" Sonic chimed in, clicking his fingers near Shadow. "You good?"

Shadow's attention snapped over to Sonic. "I... what?" Shadow muttered, turning back to finally meet green eyes.

"You should... join cross country?" Sonic's head tilted as he spoke slowly. "Or not... Do you stare at everyone like that, or is it just me?"

"You're one to talk." Shadow shot back, pushing his tray to the side. "Don't think I haven't noticed you watching me all day."

Sonic's smile faltered, his eyes widening slightly. "Oh... Uh." He laughed out uneasily. "Seems subtlety's dead..."

Shadow swallowed, his arms folding over the table.

"Uhm... No, that's fair." Sonic glanced away, scratching the inside of his ear. "Was just trying to observe... and intimidate. I guess. Had to make sure you wouldn't go ratting me out to sister Katherine."

Intimidation... Shadow would never admit that it unfortunately worked.

Shadow raised a brow. "And you're... referring to your questionable exchange in the bathroom?"

Sonic huffed out his nose with a smirk. "Look, it's nothing sketchy. I just know how to get things done. And for a price. Homework, essays, and whatever else these people need. Sports call for good grades, y'know? I'll take the practice."

"Interesting form of practice..." Shadow shook his head as he waved Sonic off. "Whatever. I don't care about what you do."

Sonic's shoulders lowered slightly, his smile growing. "Good to hear. Though I had a feeling you'd be that way. You kinda give off that 'cool guy' vibe."

Shadow gave him a look, his head awkwardly turning away as he noticed someone approach the table.

A squirrel held a clipboard snug against her chest as she walked over with a grin. Shadow glanced over to Sonic and subtly relaxed when he realized he wasn't the only one seeing her. Though Sonic's expression visibly showed disinterest as he lowered his head onto his hand.

"Hello, sorry to bother." She greeted in a high voice. "Would either of you like to sign up for prom tickets? This year's theme is Starry Night. They'll sell at fifteen dollars in a few weeks, then twenty after!" She offered a flyer from her clipboard, white curvy words reading "A Beautiful Night Under His Stars" above the work of Van Gogh.

Shadow shook his head and skimmed the paper, expecting the blue hedgehog to spare the girl a response.

He peered over when he heard nothing, his eyes half lidded. "You're not going to respond?"

Sonic looked bored, and his head sank lower onto his hand. "S'not really my scene." He smiled up at the girl. "Sorry, but we're good."

The squirrel nodded as she backed up, lightly stepping away to the next table.

Shadow watched her leave for a moment before turning back to the table. Their gazes clashed after she left, and Shadow immediately looked down at his hands, suddenly finding a loose thread on his glove fascinating.

Sonic pretended to survey the room as he tapped the table. "Welp," he pushed away from the table. "Guess I'll get going, then. You seem bothered enough." He swiped a carrot from Shadow's discarded tray and crunched as he continued. "If you need anything, nudge nudge, I'm your guy. See ya around."

Shadow scowled as he watched Sonic take off, noting his unusually quick pace.

The blue hedgehog nimbly found his way to the group he stood with before, chatting and waving to students he swerved through.

Shadow's eyes traveled down, and he stared at his lunch tray, the cluster of carrots looking short of one. His shoulders lowered as he recollected the interaction.

He had never been approached like that before, not so casually and not without expectation. Rouge was ordered to be his ambassador, and Sonic wasn't. He didn't know how to feel. He couldn't tell if it was because Sonic sensed that there was something wrong with him, or if it was for the sole purpose of recruitment for cross country.

Either way, the interaction lingered in his mind, and...

...it was uncomfortably normal. Which was rare, after everything seemed to go wrong for him.

Shadow shook off the thoughts as he slid out of his seat, yanking his backpack over his shoulders. He gripped the sides of his tray, dumping the food into a nearby trash bin before walking off to his next class.

The bell rang as Shadow stepped down the hall, his head hung low as he read his schedule for fourth period.

Civics, room 1203.

When Shadow found his class, the teacher introduced herself with a handshake as she pointed him to an unassigned seat. A few students who were already there had given him a curious glance while he stepped through.

Shadow eased down to his seat, dropping his bag to hide beneath his desk. He habitually scanned his cuffs, adjusting them as students filled the room.

The room boomed with conversation, not a moment later, a sudden, loud cackle riding over it. Shadow's ears twitched, his brows pressing down further as he looked up. Of course, it was Sonic, with his eyes squeezed shut and nose crinkled while he laughed. The red echidna entered with him, his arms crossed as he told someone outside to shut up.

Shadow couldn't care less, but the fact that Sonic was one of the few that actually spoke to him made it hard to overlook. He couldn't help but look up and watch them anyway.

He went home that day with an expression that lacked dismay. Despite his small incident in the gym, he was able to keep the eyes off of him, which was ironic, considering he was being watched nearly the whole day.

But the day was completely and undoubtedly casual. And he found himself wanting to go back.

Shadow made his way to the bathroom after he finished eating dinner, with Gerald's snoring seeping through into the hallway from his bedroom.

He stood in front of the sink while he rubbed his mouth with a towel, looking back at himself in the mirror. He set his toothbrush into its holder, his hand hovering over the TozaPrex bottle.

He was capable of seeming normal. People weren't afraid to be near him, and he wanted nothing more than normalcy.

Shadow.

But the pills.

They'll poison your brain.

Shadow slowly grabbed them, turning the bottle over in his hand so the label was visible.

Just one outbreak and everything would crack...

Don't do this to us, Shadow.

Shadow's brows were tightly knitted inward as he aggressively twisted off the cap and threw a pill into his mouth, gargling down a glass of water.

He slammed the TozaPrex bottle onto the counter and left for his bedroom as he shut off the light.

He could handle it. It was only two a day.