Archive of Our Own

Shepard was just finishing with the last clasps on his armor and then he’d do his final checks to make sure it was all secure. Then he just needed to check his weapons as he placed them in their magnetic holsters and he’d be ready to go.

Liara was already heading to the shuttle, talking with Steve as they went.

Kaidan had gotten caught up with his assault rifle where there was scorching around the thermal clip that meant he needed to change out the compartment. It wouldn’t take him much longer and then he’d be ready.

That was fine.

He hadn’t initially planned for Kaidan to be on this landing party but James had gotten sick enough that he was stuck in a bed in the med bay just to make sure it was nothing too serious as well as keeping him away from any of the other species and the rest of the crew just in case.

Garrus would have been Shepard’s next choice but he’d been on the comms for the past two hours with Primarch Victus, trying to salvage something of a situation on Palaven and Shepard wouldn’t interrupt that.

So, while not his first or second choice this time around, rare as that was with how many boxes Kaidan checked when it came to being good for a landing party, Kaidan was added at the last minute.

That meant their usual pre-mission exchange hadn’t been completed. They both preferred to do it before they started getting into their armor and they definitely preferred it to be in private.

Oh well, it wasn’t like the entire ship and half the Citadel didn’t already know about their relationship by now, Shepard thought ruefully.

Sometimes he missed the days when nobody cared about what he was doing and who he was doing it with.

He stepped up behind Kaidan, who glanced over his shoulder at him briefly before returning his focus to the task at hand. Shepard rested his forearms casually on Kaidan’s shoulders and leaned enough of his weight on his partner that it would be felt through the armor.

“You’re not going to have to settle for an inferior and not preferred model, are you?” Shepard teased.

Kaidan scoffed. “Hardly. Just some casing trying to cause more trouble than it’s worth. Another minute and I’ll be good to go as long as you don’t try to distract me too much. It’s what I get for assuming everything would go to plan and I’d have a few more days to get it taken care of. It started to go last mission.”

Shepard leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the back of Kaidan’s head. “Rookie mistake there, Major.”

“Won’t happen again, Commander,” came the response that was as much following Shepard’s teasing as it was completely serious.

Kaidan wasn’t actually slowing them down since the Normandy wasn’t even in position yet and the shuttle wasn’t ready to launch. They still had at least another ten minutes before anyone would be causing a delay and it definitely wouldn’t take Kaidan that long to finish. This was just Kaidan being as strict with himself as he always was, which was about two levels stricter than he needed to be in Shepard’s opinion.

“If I recall correctly, you didn’t take care of it right when we got back from the last mission where you noticed it’d need to be changed because you were already on comms with Hackett and spent the next hour talking to him. James stowed all your gear and you’ve specifically told both him and Steve that you, and I quote, ‘look after your own shit’.”

“If one of them was a biotic, I’d feel better about it,” Kaidan said, this time a little guilty because he knew he didn’t need to be paranoid about them missing a problem with any of his gear caused by his biotics but it was a superstition he just couldn’t get past.

Apparently, one time dealing with the consequences of someone overlooking that issue was enough to leave an impact on Kaidan for the rest of his military career and he only trusted other biotics to check his gear.

That currently didn’t give him many options.

Really, it left him with Liara and himself because he wasn’t all that fond of Javik either.

For good reason.

Kaidan hated the Prothean’s superiority complex while he understood where it came from so he just kept his distance and was likely watching out for Javik easing more away from that if he intended to try and make things less confrontational between them.

Javik didn’t care either way.

Shepard was actively keeping those two away from being on a landing party together. He didn’t doubt that they would be professional about being on mission together but he didn’t want them to just be professional. It tended to…not be enough when that’s all it was. Not with what they were facing constantly in this war.

Shepard wouldn’t accept “not enough”, not with their overarching mission and certainly not with Kaidan’s safety.

“All good?” Kaidan asked him and Shepard realized he’d let his mind wander while leaning much of his weight on Kaidan as he assembled weapon parts.

“Yeah, just thinking things over.”

“Is this not liking your plans thrown for a loop thinking?”

“Let’s just say I’m missing not having a krogan this time around. Hard to beat having a living tank in reserve when it it’s as straightforward as this looks like it’ll be where just blunt strength will be most effective.”

Kaidan chuckled. “It is hard to compete with a krogan. I do try to avoid it.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m worried. You and Liara have figured out how to pack one hell of a punch with your biotics together.”

Kaidan made a thoughtful sound, it not quite being the response Shepard expected so he leaned forward enough to see Kaidan’s profile.

“What?” Shepard prompted when he saw the deep and distracted look Kaidan had now.

“On the SR-1, it didn’t actually matter that we were both biotics. Not the way you’re talking about now. I was there for the purpose of the marine detail, not as a biotic. It wasn’t until close to facing Sovereign that I really used them offensively. It was just doubling up barriers most of the time.”

Shepard was aware.

There had been a file for each of the crew where they could keep updated logs on any abilities and programs they were listing as being available during combat as well as the gear they were using. They had a similar list now. It was how he kept up with them without making it something he needed to ask them about. He remembered starting to pull up the abilities listed by the biotics and seeing a gap start to widen between what Wrex and Liara were doing with theirs and what Kaidan was doing with his. It had been like he was trying to not be relied on as a biotic when he was one of the best the Alliance had even though Shepard hadn’t truly understood what that meant for them to say until much later.

Virmire changed that.

After Ash, it had been as though Kaidan was trying to do the work of two soldiers to fill the void created by her death despite being a completely different kind of combatant. There had been a short time where Kaidan had become almost reckless but stopped and readjusted before Shepard could bring it up to him.

Shepard hadn’t even felt like he could really ask Kaidan what had happened for him to make that adjustment on his own, if something had happened on mission that Shepard had missed. Then he just felt like he’d missed the opportunity to ask as things were escalating with Saren and what they were learning of the Reapers.

Shepard brought his hands together, taking hold of his wrist. Kaidan reached up and just guided his hands a little closer to Kaidan’s chest so he wasn’t blocking Kaidan’s view of his rifle.

“Not the case this time around,” Shepard said. “You showed up ready to use everything you had at your disposal.”

“It would have been the same even without the Reapers being what we’re facing. Holding back only puts people in danger and I couldn’t be an effective teacher if I hid from what I was teaching.”

Shepard tilted his head and kissed the shell of Kaidan’s ear. “I like you like this, comfortable with all that you are. It’s very attractive.”

Kaidan let out a quiet laugh and then he was going through the final process of checking that the rifle was put back together correctly and so Shepard pulled his arms back and stood upright. Kaidan lifted the rifle over his shoulder and let the magnetic holster catch it before he turned around to face Shepard.

Shepard gave him a smile and held his hand out. Kaidan rolled his eyes for show and took Shepard’s hand so he could be pulled to his feet. Shepard then stepped in closer to Kaidan and the biotic leaned his back against the table so Shepard could crowd him in. Shepard leaned forward and touched his forehead to Kaidan’s as he cupped his hand around the back of Kaidan’s neck.

“Stay safe down there, Kaid,” he said as low as he could without the words being drowned out by the Kodiak.

“Stay safe, John,” Kaidan replied and then tilted his head to steal a quick kiss.

Neither of them went on mission without this exchange, this one simple acknowledgement that they were so much more than soldiers who were going into dangerous situations where one mistake could mean they didn’t come back. The earliest iteration of it had started even before Kaidan had come back to the Normandy, when Kaidan had said it to him just before he’d been released from Huerta. Then he was on the ship and they were together and they said it to each other before every mission. They hadn’t skipped it once since. Shepard would see that never changed. It was important to them.

it was one of their little sanity checks that kept them going.

“Starting the final checks, Commander,” Steve’s voice came through the comms.

Shepard sighed and gave Kaidan one last kiss before he pulled away and they headed for the shuttle. They boarded and Kaidan went to go sit next to Liara while Shepard took the seat across from them. Liara looked between them coyly and Shepard knew what was coming.

“If you weren’t finished, I’m sure we could spare another few minutes, tell Cortez that he should triple check, just to be sure,” Liara said and Shepard rolled his eyes.

“Just because Garrus isn’t right here doesn’t mean you have to take his place,” Shepard replied as the shuttle moved into position for launch.

“He would be so disappointed in me if I didn’t at least once. And he can be quite tedious when he is disappointed.”

“Just stick his favorite rifle to the ceiling for a while. He’s been obsessed with the Wraith model since we managed to get a hold of a few. He gets distracted and then he’s just irritated with you,” Kaidan suggested.

Liara looked thoughtful. “Have you done that to him?”

“I don’t need to. I don’t care if he’s disappointed in me. Actually, some harmless disappointment is good for his character growth.”

Shepard saw the loophole of that clarification a mile away. He’d ask Garrus for the story for the entertainment of it.

They entered the upper atmosphere so Shepard headed into the cockpit for any final details.

It wasn’t often that they dealt with something that didn’t seem to be heavily connected to the Reapers or with a purposeful connection to Cerberus by order of the Illusive Man. Instead it had come through Brax on order of Aria, passing on details of a facility the Talons had for storage of some of their goods. It was her way of including Nyreen’s gang without actually having control of them in what was contributed to the war efforts. But it should have been completely abandoned after the loss of Omega and it was instead pinging activity. It hadn’t been out of their way so Shepard had agreed to look into it and Aria had added that it was supposed to be filled with weapons, medical supplies, and rations. Considering the other activity they had in the area, Shepard was assuming Cerberus had found the base, maybe even by accident.

As Steve brought the shuttle into position to land, Shepard drew his assault rifle while both Kaidan and Liara drew their heavy pistols and then they waited for the doors to open.

They stepped off onto the landing pad and scanned the immediate area before Shepard waved them forward and into the facility.

The warehouse they soon found themselves in was impressive and after clearing the room and checking that they wouldn’t be taken by surprise, Liara and Kaidan went through the inventory logs and shipping manifests to get an idea of what they had here.

There was a lot that they were going to be able to use and allocate to people in need and Shepard pulled up his omnitool to start up a memo to the Alliance to send someone out here once they were finished. When he glanced up to check on Liara and Kaidan, long ago getting in the habit of getting eyes on his squad to check their safety at least every other minute even out of combat, he paused when he saw tension around Kaidan’s eyes and mouth.

He was upset about something and was trying to keep it to himself.

His jaw wasn’t clenched so he hadn’t had a sudden flare of a migraine.

No, this was him keeping a personal reaction he hadn’t expected to have to himself.

Shepard glanced at Liara once more but she was still working between a datapad and omnitool and seeming just the same as she’d been.

He headed over to Kaidan, who glanced toward him and then went back to the datapad he was navigating. Shepard moved in close to Kaidan’s side, close enough to see what was on the datapad but it was just a shipping manifest. It looked like it had just been weapons.

“You good?” Shepard asked, lowering his voice enough that he shouldn’t be heard by Liara.

“Yeah, I’m good. It just hits me sometimes when I’m not expecting to come across it,” Kaidan said, his voice tight.

He held out the datapad and Shepard took it and then scrolled up a little until he saw what he was confident had thrown Kaidan.

Red Sand.

“Really should have assumed it was likely to be here somewhere with it being one of Omega’s gangs,” Kaidan continued. He was trying to get past being affected.

“We’ll make sure to flag it so they know to be careful about it. At least it’ll never make distribution.”

“Yeah. We’re almost finished with this. We’ll be able to move on soon.”

Shepard nodded as he handed the datapad back, pushing aside his desire to talk to Kaidan until the shadow was gone from his eyes but this wasn’t the place.

They were good at waiting for the right time.

He still took a chance, figuring that him showing support for one of his crew when they were struggling with something wasn’t unique to his relationship with Kaidan and so it would be received fine, and quickly cupped his palm gently over Kaidan’s cheek and managed to get a slight upturn of Kaidan’s lips before he walked away.

They finished in that warehouse and went through more of the facility in a clockwise search, clearing all the rooms while they made their way to the south warehouse. It took them through the center of the facility and that was where they hit resistance, a platoon of Cerberus soldiers obviously there to keep an eye on things. It wasn’t difficult to finish them all off with the element of surprise on their side and soon they were moving again.

More Cerberus troops were in the other warehouse and they were using mechs to move containers. As soon as the fighting started, those mechs were being used against them and Liara and Kaidan worked together to slow them down enough for Shepard to line up shots with his sniper rifle to take the pilots out.

When there was only one left, the guy got desperate and picked up and threw one of the containers at them. They were positioned close enough to each other that they all had to dive out of the way. Shepard recovered smoothly and brought his rifle around and was able to line up his shot quickly enough to take out the last guy piloting the mech and it went still.

“Shepard!” Liara called out to him and the tone she used told him that something was wrong.

He turned and got eyes on Liara but he couldn’t see Kaidan. But she was standing beside the container that had been thrown, it having hit another one with enough force that it had damaged it enough to have split open.

There was a red cloud settling to the floor just outside the break in the container.

Shepard had seen that before.

He was about to call out to Kaidan when there was a large burst of biotic power from behind the destroyed containers that pushed them to the side.

…Shit.

He rushed over to Liara and he hated the image he saw as soon as he was past the container.

Kaidan was kneeling on the floor, one hand holding himself up while the other was pressed against the side of his head and he was gasping while his eyes were clenched shut in pained concentration. Biotic power was crackling around him, fluctuating violently, not the calm flow surrounding him it usually was.

“He breathed in Red Sand, didn’t he?” Shepard asked without needing Liara to answer.

“Yes. He told me to stay back,” came the concerned response.

Before Shepard could respond, Kaidan threw his arm out in a wide arc and a wave of biotic power exploded in front of him and hit the containers many meters away and pushed them farther away. He then returned his hand to clutching at his head.

“He doesn’t react to it well. It causes him uncontrollable spikes in his biotics,” Shepard said. “If he doesn’t purge the spikes himself, it concentrates around him at dangerously high levels.”

Kaidan had told him about what Red Sand did to him one night when they’d been just laying in bed together, talking quietly and following wherever conversation went. Shepard had asked and Kaidan had answered.

It had been something of BAaT that Kaidan hadn’t talked about outside of a passive mention before that and Shepard had wanted to see if Kaidan would now give him a straight answer of whether or not Kaidan had been forced to take Red Sand while there. He wanted to know about what had been used to hurt Kaidan before. And Kaidan had answered him with very little hesitation, telling him why he hated the drug so much.

“Even to himself?” Liara asked and Shepard nodded, not surprised she had read between those lines but not sure if that meant she was aware of how Kaidan knew what Red Sand did to him.

“It’ll build enough to go through that armor he’s wearing and burn him. Do you know how much he breathed in?”

Liara brought up her omnitool and scanned Kaidan as he pushed out another purge of power. “It seems to have been a small dose. He seems to have realized soon enough that he didn’t even take in a full breath of it.”

Shepard frowned as Kaidan had to purge again almost right away.

The container in front of him was taking a beating and a few more hits would destroy it.

“It will still take many minutes to work out of his system,” Liara finished and she sounded pained, knowing there really wasn’t anything they could do but let it run its course. “At least it was in its powdered form. It may hit hard but it is the fastest to leave the system.”

Shepard scowled and managed to not snap that if it hadn’t been powdered, it wouldn’t even have entered Kaidan’s system at all. “He’ll be puking it up for the rest of the day.” He didn’t want Kaidan to be dealing with this, not when he’d definitely get a migraine from his implant overheating and he might not actually come out of this unscathed if he mistimed a purge.

Liara turned away from Kaidan and looked around the room but didn’t move away. Her voice was lowered when she spoke next. “I can’t imagine him wanting to take biotic enhancers. The reason he knows what it does to him, was it forced on him?”

Shepard glanced over at her, his look conveying that he wouldn’t answer because Kaidan hadn’t given him permission to talk about something private like that. Sure, Shepard probably knew the most about what Kaidan had been put through at BAaT but that didn’t mean he had the right to talk about it with anyone else. There were times when someone would say something, usually James and not maliciously, that would make Kaidan shut down because it reminded him of what he didn’t like to remember and Shepard just wanted to step up and protect the man he loved but that wasn’t what he was supposed to do with the knowledge Kaidan had trusted him with. He knew because Kaidan wanted him to know, not anyone else.

“He’s told me he was sent to Jump Zero, that it was his first biotic training,” Liara said. “I looked into it but there simply isn’t a lot of information surviving about it, not even to me.”

“That’s what happens when everyone involved wants to pretend they didn’t fuck up that much,” Shepard couldn’t help the anger in his voice.

Shepard and Liara flinched a little as Kaidan released another pulse that was not only stronger but his angle had been a little different with how he’d collapsed a little more onto the ground, becoming exhausted, and so the blast got closer to them and they felt the bite of the charge.

Against every instinct Shepard had, he took a few steps away from Kaidan with Liara following.

“No training facility should use a drug like that,” Liara continued.

“They didn’t care about what they should or shouldn’t do. They were just looking at the results. The first attempt at something is usually the worst and that applies to that place.” Now he was letting his frustration take hold and was maybe saying more than he should have. He’d apologize to Kaidan when he felt better.

Liara turned so she could look over at Kaidan, her expression complicated. “I looked when I learned of his promotion and placement in charge of the Spec Ops biotic division. I couldn’t understand how he was put in that position when I’d watched how he used his biotics for a long time. A Spec Ops division isn’t defensive and it isn’t solitary.”

“You were worried?” Shepard asked.

“He is my friend.” Honestly, that was all that she needed to say for it to be enough of an explanation but she continued. “I may be limited on what I could do when he was so high up in the Alliance and the work he became involved in is notoriously difficult to follow, even in my position, but I could at least make sure the Alliance hadn’t just set him up to be killed because he wasn’t able to handle what they put on him.”

Shepard sighed as he sort of hated that what he was about to say was the truth. “The Alliance has kept more tabs on Kaidan Alenko and for longer than anyone else. He just happens to be more than good enough to handle what they’ve kept throwing at him, where they’ve pushed him to be.”

Liara gave him a long look. “I find it difficult to understand why he would choose to enlist. He had to know of their connection.”

“He did. He enlisted so they never forget because he never will. He is their accountability staring them down. As long as they have to look him in the face, he can make sure they can’t ever really turn their heads to the choices they made. He’s a better man than any of the ones that were responsible for that place.”

“He is.”

It took another ten minutes for Kaidan to finally let himself crumple forward, pressing his forehead against the ground as the biotic field surrounding him finally dissipated. Shepard rushed over to him, placing his hand gently over the back of Kaidan’s head and wishing he wasn’t in armor. He leaned forward and touched his forehead to Kaidan’s temple, feeling the heat of fever burning in Kaidan’s skin.

“Shepard,” Kaidan whispered, sounding relieved and exhausted.

Shepard cupped his other hand to Kaidan’s cheek. “Hey, Kaidan. Good to hear your voice.”

Kaidan took in a few deep breaths, slowing down the pace as he recovered what he could after the marathon his biotics had just taken his body through.

“I hate that shit,” he muttered.

“So do I,” Shepard replied honestly.

“Give me another minute and I’ll be good to go.”

“Are you sure? We can spare as much as you need.”

“We’re almost finished and I burned through it cleaner. I kept on top of the expulsions better than the last time I was exposed. I’m sore but alright. I’ll just be light on the biotics.”

“I don’t like this, Kaidan,” Shepard had to say.

“You think I’m thrilled about it? It’s what needs to happen, though.”

Shepard let out a heavy sigh, resigned to the necessity of their situation.

“Stick close to us. If we run into anyone else, don’t split cover.”

“Shepard,” Kaidan’s tone told him he thought he was treading the careful line they walked because of their relationship.

“There’s no time that wouldn’t be what I told you to do,” Shepard replied and he was confident in that. He always cared that his crew was safe and Kaidan was vulnerable right now. That meant he let the others adjust for that and look out for him more than they’d need to if he was completely fine.

It wasn’t like Liara wasn’t going to be absolutely vicious in her own protectiveness if they faced any more enemies.

“Right,” Kaidan accepted after a short pause. He knew Shepard, after all.

Kaidan sat up, moving like he was going to lean against the container behind him but instead he leaned into Shepard and Shepard adjusted his hold so his arm was around Kaidan’s shoulders. Liara moved closer and kneeled in front of Kaidan.

“How do you feel?” she asked. “Do you need anything?”

“Not until we’re on the shuttle at least. Biotics aren’t calmed down fully but they aren’t flaring high enough to materialize. I’m fine, Liara.”

There was a short pause and then Liara gave Kaidan a teasing smile, though it was tight. “You aren’t but I will accept that you are well enough to finish up here.”

“Just imagine: it could have been Vega hit with a dose of Red Sand and you’d have to deal with someone who had absolutely no clue what they were doing with it.”

“That is a sobering thought,” Liara replied, slightly more relaxed.

They moved on soon, handling one more group of Cerberus troops before the facility was cleared and Shepard called Cortez over to pick them up and they loaded up into the shuttle. Shepard used the comms on the shuttle to relay the full request for the Alliance to come handle the supplies they now had so that he wouldn’t need to take the time once they were back on the Normandy.

He’d pushed aside a lot of his natural inclinations about looking after Kaidan as much as he wanted and he really felt the need to hover now.

Kaidan had gotten somewhat used to that because of his migraines and Shepard getting used to being with him through them and he just hoped that it would translate to Kaidan being more tolerant about it even when he wasn’t in the middle of a full migraine despite the likelihood of one flaring.

He finished when they were still a few minutes out and he walked into the back of the shuttle where Kaidan and Liara were…arguing.

Not what he’d expected.

“You are just being stubborn,” Liara accused as she stood in front of Kaidan with her arms crossed. But she was, somewhat to Shepard’s amusement, keeping her voice lowered as they were all in the habit of doing around Kaidan when they saw the slightest hint of even a headache.

Kaidan was sitting with his back leaning against the bulkhead, his assault rifle sitting next to him so it wasn’t in the way of him doing so. He was looking pale and obviously tired but it didn’t look like he was dealing with a level of pain that he was struggling to tolerate. There was no doubt that he had a headache but maybe it hadn’t been pushed enough to become a migraine.

“Hardly. And I’m not so egotistical that I can’t know and admit when I’m just being stubborn. It’s just not necessary,” Kaidan replied evenly. He glanced over Liara’s shoulder at Shepard and he didn’t seem to be very irritated yet. But he was heading in that direction.

He would be already if it wasn’t Liara, Shepard knew. He just hated his competency being questioned.

“Red Sand is dangerous. You need to be checked out.”

Ah, she was getting on his case to go see Chakwas. Shepard didn’t blame her but he also knew when not to bark up that particular tree. Only Chakwas could actually force Kaidan’s hand in going to see her.

“Yes, it’s dangerous. But that doesn’t mean I have to get an exam, not for such a low exposure. I take it easy in the crew quarters or I take it easy in the med bay. There’s no difference.”

Shepard almost cut in to declare that Kaidan would be taking it easy up in his cabin but that wouldn’t be received well if it wasn’t worded as an offer rather than him telling Kaidan what to do, not at this moment anyway.

He’d learned that the hard way.

“There’s the dozen or so people coming and going regularly or a doctor keeping an eye on you. I would say that’s a significant difference.”

Kaidan picked up his arm and activated his omnitool before entering a quick command and it displayed what was obviously a scan of him. “This has been forwarding scans of me since it entered my system. I have all drugs that interact with biotics flagged to trip an alert to her.” He let his arm relax back onto his leg. “Stubbornness can be useful but when it’s about something that gets in the way of my ability to be a competent member of a squad, it’s dangerous. I can’t always just drop out of a fight so I figured out the steps I need to take to smooth out the process when I do have the leeway to be taken care of.”

“You could have led with that, Kaid,” Shepard said as he walked past Liara and picked up Kaidan’s rifle so he could sit next to him.

Kaidan bumped his leg against Shepard’s and Shepard realized belatedly that the nickname he used privately with Kaidan had slipped out. He had to be careful about that happening too often when he was in his armor, that having quickly become something of a physical reminder for him of the lines they maintained between their personal and professional lives.

“I didn’t expect Liara to not let me going right for the med bay go. She usually trusts my judgment. It threw me when I’m really not putting much work into thinking. But I get it and I appreciate your concern, Liara.”

Liara’s expression softened at the genuine gratitude. The two had always gotten along so well because of their similar temperaments and Shepard was relieved this didn’t seem to be something that would be an issue between them for the next few days.

“Of course, Kaidan.” She then glanced quickly at Shepard and he prepared himself to be teased. “Then you should at least take advantage of the unlimited access you have to Shepard’s cabin. You truly don’t need to subject yourself to the constant foot traffic of the crew’s quarters when you need to rest, Kaid.”

Shepard frowned. “There are definitely more levels between being worried about him being warranted and him being fine enough to pick on, despite what Vega believes.”

“That name isn’t up for grabs for anyone,” Kaidan said and his tone was very serious. Shepard’s heart raced a little knowing Kaidan was so territorial over the nickname he’d given him.

Liara just gave them a coy look. “My mistake. He just said it so easily that I thought I had somehow missed that you preferred to be called such.”

“Last time I checked, Shepard was the only one I was dating. That means he gets special permission but that’s as far as I can bend since I don’t like pet names.”

Aside from the conversation they’d had where they established that Kaid was allowed, Shepard had jokingly called Kaidan “honey” once and he would never make that mistake again. Kaidan’s vocabulary was so much bigger than Shepard’s and he could turn that into a weapon when he wanted to.

Kaidan really didn’t like pet names. Nicknames were only a very small step into tolerable for him and only from a very small number of people. As in, it was strictly allowed to Shepard so far.

Shepard had used the two terms, nicknames and pet names, interchangeably until Kaidan had detailed a distinction between them that was behind why he didn’t prefer them.

Vega only got away with “Ghost” because Kaidan was a realist and he knew nothing short of pulling rank when he didn’t really want to would stop the Lieutenant. For absolutely everyone else, it was his name or rank and nothing else.

“I guess I have to let him have it, then,” Liara accepted easily before she went to sit down across from them and Kaidan shut his eyes and slouched a little more into the seat so the angle on his neck was different.

Shepard would make sure Kaidan stayed in his cabin at least until he got some sleep. While he couldn’t just tell Kaidan what to do, he’d gotten really good at knowing the points to make that helped Kaidan get past his holdups about not wanting to be a burden so that he accepted the help Shepard wanted to give. He absolutely needed sleep or this could turn into a migraine and he’d already admitted that he was starting to have a little more trouble sleeping in the crew’s quarters now that he was staying in Shepard’s cabin more often and so adjusting to the silence and lack of foot traffic there.

It would be a long rest of the day for Kaidan but he was ultimately alright. He wasn’t coming back broken and bloody. He hadn’t even needed help walking onto the shuttle. He just needed a little more sleep than he usually would.

He’d kept that promise he made to Shepard before they got on the shuttle, the promise they always asked of each other because it was how they survived this with their sanity intact.

As long as they both kept that promise each time, they could handle anything else.